Chanyeol and Seulgi officially broke up.

In Mr. and Mrs. Park’s reality.

Chanyeol told her that his parents were heavy-hearted to hear the news, but it might be a sign for him to focus on his career first. Which speaking of so, he successfully secured a job at the e-commerce company. Seulgi was contented to hear the news. She asked Chanyeol to hang out, while the occasion was still fitting, and Chanyeol agreed to meet her.

And then Chanyeol sat in front of her that afternoon, with their table occupied by empty plates on the side and the newly-built Jenga blocks on the center. Seulgi aimed to know what he had in mind lately. Or to be more precise, who was in his mind lately.

Chanyeol took the middle block, the second row from the top. He placed it next to his right hand. Seulgi chose the left side on the fifth row and smiled at him.

“So, you’ll start working on Monday?”, Seulgi asked. The man nodded enthusiastically with his eyes widened, scanning for which Jenga block he should remove next.

“Yeah. They’re sort of short-staffed at the moment and I have a good portfolio, fortunately”. He decided to pull the right block on the lower part. “I think my luck for love had been drained and transferred to my career”.

Seulgi laughed at his statement. “It doesn’t work like that, Chanyeol”. She looked at him before the Jenga blocks.

“Maybe my parents were right. Being busy with work is the best distraction, don’t you think?”.

Seulgi hated that there was a disparity between Chanyeol’s reality and his parents’ reality, yet they appeared the same at the surface. Chanyeol was talking about his breakup with his boyfriend, his parents talked about his breakup with her.

She took the middle block of the top row and beamed up. “Are you asking me, who started this whole partner-for-rent thing after I broke up? Of course my answer is yes”.

“You did?! I thought Sehun was the one who started it”.

“Nah, it was me. Sehun is my close friend and he has another close friend and we hung out together and I told them this idea”.

“Is that Jongin? Sehun’s friend?”.

“Sehun told you that?”.

“Yeah. After that Saturday night”. Chanyeol gritted his teeth and hissed, fully concentrating on taking one block at the right with his index finger and thumb. Seulgi too, was concentrated on Chanyeol’s expression that she found cute and funny. He smoothly took the block away and Seulgi clapped her hands.

“So, what was this break up about?”, Chanyeol asked her.

“He cheated on me”. Every time she talked about this, she always frowned. “I never really suspect anything because we were in a pleased and healthy relationship, but when it ended, there is no way we can fix it”. Seulgi removed one block from the middle part. “I can tolerate a lot of things, but cheating is an instant cut-off for me”.

“That’s good. You know you don’t want to spend your time with someone who doesn’t see your worth”.

Seulgi scoffed. “I thought that was the standard”.

“Maybe because you’re mature enough”.

“Or maybe we as a society need a collective therapy so we can raise the standard”.

Both of them laughed.

“Sehun was the first person I call”, she uttered. “He’s the only person who’ll run to me when a small inconvenience happens. He’s a really good man and a good friend”.

What a surprise to Seulgi that the next thing she heard from Chanyeol was,

“Have you ever liked him for more than a friend?”, he said that while slowly, carefully taking the right block from one of the rows, leaving it with just the middle part now.

“Never. I can’t and I don’t like him like that”, Seulgi answered. “I mean, I can give him my organs for donor but I would never give him my love playlist”.

Chanyeol laughed loudly and almost smacked the table, but he reflexively took his hand out so the Jenga wouldn’t be shattered into pieces. “That was the funniest thing I heard today”. His laugh was very contagious to Seulgi, and for that, she snickered.

“I’m serious! I would give him everything platonically, in the name of friendship, but never lover”.

“I know. I have that kind of connection too with my best friend”.

Seulgi couldn’t hold this any longer.

“Why did you ask? Do you want to make sure you don’t have any competitors?”.

She immediately observed Chanyeol right after she threw that question. It twisted her gut when she saw with her eyes the emergence of pink shade that grew clearer and clearer into the shade of red on Chanyeol’s cheeks, while he stayed silent and lifted his lips into a smile.

“Is it that obvious?”.

.

Seulgi forced a laugh when all she wanted to do was to run away and never see Chanyeol’s face again. “I’m just guessing at first”.

“Ah...I shouldn’t mess with a psychology student, am I? You’re reading my mind?”, Chanyeol widened his eyes and made a gesture with his fingers as if he was stretching them even more. “I’m kidding, hey, don’t sue me for that overused joke”.

The chuckle Seulgi let out was pressing her ribcage even more.

She purposely took the block from the lowest row with force, and in seconds, the Jenga blocks were crumbling into dispersed pieces and loud continuous clanking voices. How funny it was to reenact the same situation her heart is currently going through in the real world. Here I go again breaking my heart when no one asked me to.

Chanyeol palmed his mouth seeing the mess they made on the table and on the floor. “Oh no...”.

“I’m sorry!”, Seulgi grinned, like she didn’t see that coming. “Aih...let’s put it back to the box”.

They were collecting the blocks one by one, arranging them to the original box.

“Seulgi?”.

“Yeah?”.

“Maybe I like him, but I’m still not really sure about my feeling yet. I don't want to treat him as a rebound. So, don’t tell Sehun about this”.

She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s your business with him. I won’t interfere”.

And when Seulgi walked down to the subway station, she wished to tell Chanyeol the opposite.

The train was moving fast under her feet when Seulgi sat and scrolled through her gallery. So many pictures of her with Sehun throughout the years. Sehun and her in their university alma mater jacket. Sehun took selfies happily next to her when she cried for her ex. Seulgi shoved a slice of pineapple pizza into Sehun’s mouth. Sehun painted something abstract. Both of them when at the beach of Sehun’s hometown.

What she had with Sehun was always more than she could ask for from a human. A platonic soulmate, a friendship, a sibling-from-different-parent, whatever the label is. But as contradictory as it sounds, she wanted to allow herself to feel hurt. To feel dejected. To feel miserable when she found out the guy she liked, liked her own best friend. It was beyond her own control and it frustrated her to the core.

She continued her ride by bus and with a little bit of walking, she had already arrived in front of Sehun’s apartment building.

Sehun opened the door to his apartment with his confused face, but he always let Seulgi in.

“What’s wrong?”, Sehun asked, while Seulgi walked to his kitchen.

“We haven’t cooked together for a while, huh?”. Seulgi opened the fridge and scanned through the shelves inside. “Do you want kimchi fried rice or stir fry instant bulgogi or?”.

Seulgi had done many unpredictable, somewhat questionable behavior in the past and it was Sehun’s job to interpret. He succeeded, most of the time, and not, some of the time. What could possibly be in Seulgi’s mind that led her to go to his apartment and inspect his fridge as the first action? Sehun didn’t know. He stood next to her and hummed.

“Kimchi fried rice would never go wrong”.

And so, they started cooking. Seulgi was no better cook than Sehun, but even so, this simple dish was hard to mess up. They just had to throw all the ingredients into the pan and mix everything and then it was done. Sehun brought the cold-water bottle to the living room while Seulgi brought the two full plates.

That evening, other than gobbling the tastiest kimchi fried rice they ever made, Seulgi and Sehun spent it by watching Deadpool, their favorite comfort movie. Seulgi pulled her memory back to their first time watching this movie together. They were still laughing at the same jokes and punchline up to this day, like nothing ever changed. Looking at Sehun from the side, she too still found the same face; shriveled forehead and cute eye smiles and high-pitched, almost unheard guffaw. It was another reason than the funny scene for Seulgi to laugh.

Perhaps it was what Chanyeol saw in Sehun too. Only the difference lay on how he dragged his feelings deeper, to pierce beneath the friendship and dip into something more.

It wasn’t Sehun’s fault. It wasn’t Seulgi’s fault. It wasn’t Chanyeol’s fault either.

The clock struck close to 8 when the movie ended and Seulgi decided to go home. And she still didn’t tell Sehun the reason behind her sudden appearance. What was the use of explaining herself anyway? Sehun would probably just take it as another day in their friendship.

Only when she turned back to Sehun after wearing her shoes did Seulgi feel the pent-up words start clawing her lungs.

“Sehun?”, she called.

“What?”.

She didn’t explain anything too when she hugged Sehun so suddenly. Biting into her lower lip so hard, Seulgi then felt Sehun’s hand around her shoulder and back.

“Do you want to tell me something?”, Sehun asked.

Seulgi liked it that Sehun went with the flow by hugging her first before questioning why. Her comfort came first before his curiosity.

She shook her head and spoke, “Nothing, I just don’t feel really good”.

Sehun patted the top of her head down to her back continuously. “Is there anything you want me to do?”.

One more time shaking her head. She pulled herself out and her eyes already teary, and before Sehun asked anything more, she quickly bid him goodbye.

“See you tomorrow!” she let out the most cheerful voice she could pull at the moment. Sehun looked at her confusedly.

Barging out through the door, Seulgi brought her feet to walk brisk, still feeling Sehun’s stare pricked through the back of her head. When she finally stepped into the empty elevator, Seulgi closed her eyes and clenched her fists so hard that her nails were digging into her palms.

Get yourself together, Seulgi!

~***~

The boisterous music orchestrated the vibration of this club’s wall and the heart of everyone who set their feet in this place. Colorful lights in the spectrum from red to blue showered every single soul, every single object and every single dust. Seulgi was keyed, Sehun was joyous, Jongin was anxious. Despite the difference, they wanted the same thing: to have fun. To break free from the responsibilities and loosen up.

They started off easy, on a table a bit far from the drinking bar, gulping the alcohol periodically as the conversation glided smoothly. Sehun and Seulgi would giggle when they were checking up on cute guys on the dance floor. Jongin then joined as the second-opinion giver. When they three (a gay man, a straight man, and a straight woman) approved, it means that this guy’s cuteness is valid.

Not being challenged enough by the bottle that emptied so soon, they went to the drinking bar and had the same seating formation as prior. Sehun took the lead to order, devilishly asking the bartender to give them the nastiest drink he could give. It gained a confused look from the bartender, but he proceeded to do his job, nevertheless.

Good lord, the drink was really awful. It tasted like pulling every worst beverage and mixing it with the worst combination, attacking their tastebuds from every direction.

Sehun buried his face on the black marble table and groaned. Jongin clenched on that short glass while trying to process what the just went down through his throat. Seulgi, on the other hand, was seen more energetic than ever, with the smile permanently glued to her face. She was the first one who finished the entire glass.

“You initiated all of this, Sehun!”, Seulgi raised her voice amidst the loud music.

Those two boys caught up with their lag against Seulgi. Jongin first, Sehun last. It became worse when Seulgi asked the bartender to make this drink once more.

And they went on and on until they lost count. The music shifted into the hard beat trap and more people flocked into the dance floor, swarming it with their best move. Sehun felt his head getting lighter, as if seventy percent of his brain mass was taken away and stuffed with cotton. He kept his eyelid open, and he saw Seulgi laughing at his misery, Jongin checking up on him and asked, “You’re still okay?”. Sehun nodded his head.

“I can push my limit”, he said.

Seulgi dragged Jongin and Sehun to the dance floor. She hadn’t experienced this feeling for a while—losing her identity to dissolve herself into one singular crowd who just wanted to dance all their weariness away. She saw Jongin looking at her. Even a person as stoic as Jongin lost himself when the music pierced through their eardrums and his limbs constantly brushed by strangers’ limbs. Seulgi laughed at him to hype him up, and he smiled before chugging the remaining drink in his glass.

Sehun still could recognize Seulgi’s maroon-velvety crop tank and Jongin’s denim jacket less than a meter from him, and perhaps their thrilled expressions, but he had a hard time balancing both of his feet. It was too much euphoria for his neurons to handle. He inched closer to Jongin because he had successfully shoved his worry to somewhere under the floor that tons of people jumped in right now. Putting both of his hands on Jongin’s shoulder, he continued to dance, while Jongin laughed at him. He needed to know the scientific reason why Jongin’s attractiveness hit the highest level ever possible under this red light.

“You’re really drunk right now!”, he shouted at Sehun’s face to defeat the music.

“I am!”, Sehun replied, even louder. He grabbed Jongin’s hand and led it to his hips, but Jongin brushed him off right away. , that was too close, his nervousness was coming back to him. So, he resumed moving his body not-so in sync with the rhythm, as Jongin smiled at him, soundlessly telling him that it wasn’t a big deal.

The next segment was a blur to Sehun, like the tip-of-the-tongue memory that he couldn’t grasp in full detail. He did see Seulgi coming back with two glasses on her two palms, maybe for her and Jongin, but he chugged both of them right away. And more and more loud music and off-beat dance. That resulted in him bumping into everyone else in every movement he made.

And this was the part where Sehun started to hate himself, when his body needed to expel the overflowing alcohol. He crouched down and held his knee. Seulgi knew right away what was going to happen next.

“Jongin! The bathroom!”, she tugged on Jongin’s jacket and pointed at Sehun. Jongin did what Seulgi said right away. He brought Sehun to his arm and swam away from the crowd.

When he first entered this club, he wandered his eyes everywhere to see the important places. Bathroom, exit door, the stairs. He had already memorized it, so he had no hard time bringing this drunk friend of him to where he should be.

The bathroom was absurdly empty. Jongin dragged Sehun to the farthest sink from the door. In no time, Sehun dropped his torso and vomited into the white ceramic basin. Jongin didn’t want to see, so he just tapped on Sehun’s shoulder continuously with his back facing Sehun’s back, waiting him to be done with his business.

Sehun felt so much better after he spilled his gut out. He pulled the faucet upwards to the maximum level and let the stream wash over. He gargled for at least seven times—that was the last count he could keep in his head—and swallowed some water to let go of the acid taste on his mouth. The water stopped running. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. When he looked into the mirror, he saw Jongin sandwiched between his body and the wall.

“Are you done?”.

Sehun turned around. Now, he is directly facing Jongin. Albeit the spacious area behind him, Sehun still stood less than a foot away from Jongin. From this close, Jongin seemed like someone he could paint for twenty-four hours straight. And it was not because he was perfect even. Some fading acne scars, the flake of his skin near his lips, his untrimmed eyebrows, Sehun would kill to have this face never left his vision.

Sehun inched even closer to Jongin. He closed his eyes, buried the tip of his nose on the crook of Jongin’s neck, sniffling the skin beneath while pressing his lips on Jongin’s collarbone.

“Jongin”, Sehun faintly called, his lips made some frictions to Jongin’s skin. And then he stopped.

Jongin was clueless about what had happened. His private space had never been breached this close by Sehun before. This intimate. The air that Sehun exhaled tickled his neck area.

“You okay?”, he asked. Jongin grabbed Sehun’s arm and pushed him slowly away.

“No, Jongin. Let me—“. It took less than a second for Sehun to bounce back to his original position. “I want to be with you for a while”.

Jongin’s heartbeat spike at that sentence. The way that Sehun’s straight, dark brown hair ruffled against his cheek didn’t help to slow it down either.

“Why?”.

“I just…”, he snuggled to Jongin’s neck even more. “Feel so comfortable with you”.

Oh no.

Somehow, it warmed Jongin when Sehun said that.

“What do you want me to do?”.

Sehun rose his heavy head away and stopped right when Jongin’s breathe tickled the skin of his cheek. He lifted his right hand to the wall sinistral to Jongin’s tense face. The way Jongin didn’t resist his action was absurd to him, contradicting his expression, but it told him that maybe this is the sign for you to try. To see where the boundaries lie and whether he should cross it further or not.

Sehun inched closer to peck Jongin’s lips.

None of the words were spoken prior to that act. It happened so fast, so quick.

I just kissed my straight friend.

And when that realization hit, Sehun quickly pulled himself away from Jongin. “, Jongin, I’m so sorry. I—“, he pressed both of his temples with his hands, and shook his head vigorously. His sobriety hadn’t come back in a full bar.

Jongin, on the other hand was so shocked and frozen when he felt Sehun’s lips touching on his for a fleeting moment. He had a long silence after it happened to process what and what not to feel.

But, seeing Sehun sinking his head down, almost like ready to gobble himself and disappear forever, Jongin grabbed Sehun’s arm down, saying, “Sehun, hey. That’s okay. Look at me”.

Just as Sehun opened his mouth to talk, Jongin saw a silhouette from a bunch of guys on the wall next to the main door. He dragged Sehun to the farthest cubicle and went in together, before locking the door.

“People are coming in”, Jongin half-whispered. Just as he said that, different voices from several different boys were heard. He came back to stare at Sehun.

Sehun held the side of his head that interchangeably felt light and heavy, scrunching his nose and shutting his eyes tight. He closed the closet’s lid and sat on it, with Jongin standing facing him. “Why? Aren’t you mad at me?”, he kept his voice low.

Jongin looked up to the wall behind the closet. “I’m curious”.

“Curious?”.

“Of your reason”, he chewed on his lower lip. “I...I never...I never do this before. I mean, to a guy. I don’t know, I...”. Jongin gave up on explaining himself.

Sehun dunked his head to his thighs. “It’s…I’m…I’m still drunk now. I’m sorry. That won’t happen again”. The air he breathed felt so tense and tight in his chest. His rising heart rate almost made him die. He stayed still to avoid Jongin’s eyes.

But the mixture of faint musk, stronger cold-watery, and some kind of alcohol scent was prying Sehun’s smelling sense even closer. A hand was stretched next to his left side, holding on to the wall behind.

“Kiss me again”.

When he raised his head and opened his eyes, Jongin stood in front of him, his torso bent to Sehun’s level, with his face closer than all he ever dared to imagine all this time. Sehun asked Jongin with his gaze. His mouth was unable to form any words.

Jongin did understand that look, so he leaned closer. “Kiss me again. I want to know if I like it or not”.

Sehun shuddered. Jongin probably could see how ing nervous he was, but he was still there—waiting for Sehun’s ‘yes’.

They were looking at each other for a while. If this was the night where he could taste heaven before opening the gate to the eternal hell, Sehun would wholeheartedly sign up for it. Just so he wouldn’t have to wonder for the rest of his life about what if I try and find out that me and Jongin could be a thing?

Sehun started by caressing Jongin’s jaw with his knuckles, and finally brought it to his palms.

Jongin gave me the consent.

He tilted his head and closed his eyes.

Right after he erased the space between their faces, he pressed his lips on Jongin’s.

It’s okay to kiss him.

Sehun got more chance to savor Jongin’s plump and thick lips. He knew best never to let a single inch goes to waste. So, he kissed him deeper and more intensely. Sehun stood up, reached for Jongin’s upper arm, and pushed Jongin to the wall on the left side of this cubicle. Maybe harsher than he intended to, because Jongin hissed when his back thumped against the wall.

The good news is, Jongin knew how to match the rhythm. He even held on to Sehun’s shoulders, once in a while tightening his grab as the kiss grew more passionate. It was more than enough fuel to assume that Jongin might like it a little more than Sehun expected. He held Jongin’s slender waist, before circling it with his arm. This time, Jongin didn’t shoo him away.

Sehun slid his tongue out to Jongin’s cavern, and he let him in. The easiness of everything made Sehun uneasy. But that feeling, tasting Jongin was a chance he could and should never miss. Their tongues tangled. Sehun dived his fingers through Jongin’s black hair, clutching them so tightly. He could hear Jongin’s breathing getting even faster, with his arm clenched on Sehun’s back and shoulder firmly. The friction between their front bodies drew Sehun almost to the edge.

Jongin was so addicting and Sehun could go on and on—he didn’t show any reaction to reject him up until now either. But his courage started to drain down, leaving him with anxiousness. Sehun detached his whole body away from Jongin. He stepped one back. Through his peripheral vision, he witnessed a slight smile on his friend’s face.

“It feels the same”, Jongin said.

Sehun riveted his eyes to Jongin’s, soundless. His lips were redder, his cheeks were flushed. What a look Sehun was dying to see.

“Like kissing a girl”.

Was that a green light for him?

“Maybe because it’s you?”.

“Me?”.

“It would be so much different if I kiss an unknown boy”.

Sehun wanted to take Jongin’s words into further analysis but his brain just wouldn’t cooperate anymore with alcohol flowing in his system. He dropped his overladen head lower and lower, until his forehead finally smashed the cubicle wall next to Jongin’s face, then his body weight followed by dropping into Jongin’s.

Jongin held both sides of Sehun’s waist and pushed it to make him stand properly again. “Time to go”, he said, circling his arm around Sehun’s shoulder when that guy finally stood on his own. Sehun groaned when Jongin opened the door. Some guys are still there, throwing strange looks and giggles that Jongin was familiar but very uncomfortable with, while focusing on dragging this six-feet tall man out.

“Don’t tell Seulgi about this”, Sehun spoke to Jongin’s ear. “I should be the one who tells her everything. I love her so much. Seulgi is my soulmate! My seulmate!”.

Jongin kept holding on to Sehun’s arm as they walked back to where Seulgi was, and nodded.

Me too, Sehun.

~***~

Jongin planned to stay sober enough to drive, but he shattered his own self-control that led to the shattering of his own plan. Tons and tons of liquor later, his head became heavy enough to drop and exploded to the floor at any time. His two friends were not even better than him. Seulgi, confused but awake; Sehun, practically almost dead. A loose hanging thread of the consciousness he had left told him that it’s enough. The night should end here. And he asked Seulgi to call one of their trusted friends to drive them back to Sehun’s apartment, where they had already kept their belongings for a sleepover.

Too bad, all Seulgi could remember was Chanyeol.

He picked up the phone, still with a fresh voice even when it was close to 1 AM, and Seulgi instantly beamed up. The deal was made easy. Seulgi didn’t know whether it was because she mentioned Sehun and passed out at the same sentence, or Chanyeol was just a very decent person who couldn’t say no to request, but what mattered was when that tall guy appeared in the parking lot about thirty minutes later. Jongin at the front seat, Seulgi held Sehun in her arms at the back seat, responded to whatever unintelligible babbling slipped from his mouth.

Chanyeol kept checking at Sehun from the rear mirror every once in a while. And at the red light, when Chanyeol stepped on the brake, Jongin who had lost control of his limbs accidentally dropped his torso and banged his forehead to the dashboard. He hissed, but he had no energy left to lift his head either.

“Hey, you okay?”, Chanyeol grasped Jongin’s shoulder.

Jongin groaned and remained still.

Chanyeol almost thought everything that happened was funny. Seulgi’s half-awake face, Sehun’s speech level that decreased to a five-year-old electrocuted Korean child trying to speak Russian, and Jongin’s muffled lament—it felt like seeing himself weeks ago. Drunk, disoriented, and depressed. Yet, at the same time, he was worried. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. The light turned green.

“Chanyeol”, Jongin called faintly.

“Yeah?”.

“Seulgi said four of us should hang out sometimes”. He still pressed his forehead against the dashboard with both eyes closed. “My friends like you. But I don’t know”.

Chanyeol nodded his head. “Jongin, right? Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’m just one call away if you guys need anything”.

And it was silence after that.

Relying on the maps, Chanyeol successfully brought them into Sehun’s apartment basement parking lot at 2:14 AM. Seulgi and Jongin held Sehun side by side, and while closing the back passenger door, Seulgi asked Chanyeol, “Do you want to crash here?”.

Chanyeol immediately shook his head after his brain said yes. “No, no. I’m good. I’ll catch up with a taxi. I can help you two”.

Being the soberest of them all, Chanyeol circled Sehun’s arm around his shoulder and his arm around Sehun’s. The elevator ride was irksomely quiet, except for the part where Jongin almost toppled down to the floor before Seulgi held him up, because every movement on this box was an earthquake to him. Sehun, on the other hand, was aware of Chanyeol’s existence, yet he was unable to voice out anything.

They placed Sehun on his bed. Chanyeol took off Sehun’s jacket to ease his breathing. He used his time to look at Sehun’s face once more, adding this scene to his memory. Drunk Sehun. Harmless, and cute. But that was all he could get tonight, so he bid goodbye to less-drunk but equally whacked Seulgi and Jongin.

~***~

Sehun stared at the photo Seulgi sent this morning in their group chat and tried his best not to smash his head against the wall.

There was him curling up on his own bed facing left, where Jongin was lying peacefully, his other hand embracing Jongin’s torso.

Seulgi Kang

You guys are so cute.

The memories of last night came in the form of tiny dispersed pieces and he retained some, mainly his action rather than his words: him throwing up at the bathroom, that darned sweet mishap with Jongin, being held by Seulgi at the back seat of his own car, clinging to Chanyeol. He probably lost all of his consciousness right after he hit the hay, and when he woke up, no one was in his room. He checked his phone and opened the message from his group chat first before Chanyeol, and that was when he saw the photo Seulgi took. Outside his room, he heard the TV's low noise and Jongin and Seulgi’s voices.

Once he opened the door, Jongin and Seulgi greeted him from his sofa. He didn’t notice anything different from Jongin’s expression, words, or action at all. Everything happened as it should. Seulgi too, made some toasts for him with no overly burnt side, pouring a warm jasmine tea for him, attentive as usual. She woke up first between them three from the spare mattress and when she stood up, she already found out Jongin and Sehun sleeping like that. Perceiving it as something precious, she took a photo noiselessly and sent it. Jongin shrugged his shoulder. I don’t feel anything, I slept like a corpse.

Jongin didn’t nudge about last night’s kiss or their tangled sleeping position until he and Seulgi left Sehun’s place. Until the day was over. Not in person, not in the text. Not at all. Just like nothing happened between them. When something really happened.

And it drove Sehun crazy, especially when they met at the FSS-Lab the following day. He couldn’t even look at that pair of hazel orbs that always used to draw him closer. But it would pile up into something more massive if none of them talked about it and recognized its existence.

The sixth floor of their faculty was tranquil, for it's only the place for the library and some barely filled study rooms. Sehun sat on the hard iron chair between the study rooms, facing the white stomach-tall wall where Jongin sat and drank his iced coffee. He was afraid Jongin would fall, but that black-haired guy only said I’d be fine. Sehun used to visit this place a lot in his freshmen year, and it reminded him of a new textbook and new friends and new regret of choosing International Relations as his major.

“I haven’t been to the faculty library for a while", Jongin said. “The air is nice. I should go here more often”.

Sehun didn’t know how to respond. Or to connect Jongin’s words with what he wanted to say.

“So. What do you want to talk about?”.

Thankfully, Jongin understood his struggle.

“I apologize once again, Jongin. I was so drunk and I wasn’t thinking clearly. It’s not a justification for my act, anyway, but really, I’m—“.

“I’m not mad at you”, Jongin cut him. “You have nothing to apologize for”.

Sehun looked at him in silence.

“You know how many real relationships I ever had in my life?”. Jongin held up his cup with all fingers except his index, and he pointed at it to emphasize his point. “One. For five years. I believe I had some girl crushes too before that, but not enough for me to make a move. When I dated my ex, I was fixated on her, and I didn’t experience any attraction towards anyone else. Now I finally have the chance and time to explore what I like and I don’t like, Sehun”.

“And you liked what we had?”.

Jongin hummed. “Why do you think I ask you to kiss me again? I could tell you no after the first one but I didn’t”. He paused. “Maybe because it was with you. We’ve been friends and I trust you. I don’t want to just kiss anyone randomly”.

For Jongin, this might look just like another thing that poked his interest. While for Sehun, it had turned and flipped his guts like crazy the moment Jongin said he liked what they had, he trusted him.

“Anyway”, Jongin sipped on his coffee. “I feel comfortable with you. That was what you said. Help me elaborate that”.

What else to elaborate, stupid? I have a crush on you.

Sehun stood up, walked to Jongin’s left and pressed his waist against the wall with his hands hung in the air. He sighed. The cold waft caressed his cheek gently.

“I do”, Sehun started. “I do find myself comfortable with you. I trust you. I like the time we spend together. And I do find you attractive too. But its just—“, from this point, Sehun mixed his truth with his lie. “It’s platonic. And I was at drinking and it really exaggerated what I felt”.

“Platonic enough to kiss me twice?”.

He looked up to Jongin to check up on his expression. That man had nothing but the spark of confusion and curiosity swirling in his eyes, or Sehun wasn’t objective to be a judge. None of the disgust or contempt was present.

“Yeah. Isn’t that normal?”.

“Well. Alcohol really brings out your hidden part, sometimes”, Jongin shrugged. “But if we are sober, would you do it again?”.

That was Sehun’s end game. All he had left in his head was when he looked at Jongin and a loud bang! would reverberate through his chest, the smile painted on Jongin’s face when he received the novel, the buzz on his skin when he hugged Jongin. So many memories and feelings about Jongin suffocated him, that he struggled to squeeze a lie in between.

“I won’t. You won’t like me like that, Jongin. And I respect that for you”.

Jongin chuckled. “I don’t even know about that after what happened, but I would kiss you when we are sober”. Jongin said that so casually, his feet were hanging with the heels of his sneakers constantly knocking the white wall. He even looked at Sehun when those words came out. “Not here, obviously. We can kiss and still be friends, right?”.

Friends.

That was the highest form of relationship he could ever achieve with Jongin.

For now.

Sehun nodded his head. If only they were at his room right now, he would already pull Jongin closer, kiss him once more or maybe twice more or three times or until he declared his Jongin-addiction, with every beat of his heart chanting Jongin’s name and brought it all over his system.

“Sure. It’s nothing serious”.

~***~

I’m just one call away if you guys need anything was what Chanyeol said when he drove those three drunk best friends home, yet he still hadn’t received his call until now. My friends like you, he remembered Jongin’s weak voice that night. He had been staring at his phone for two minutes in his room, particularly at Sehun’s Kakaotalk profile. For the impatient Chanyeol, it already felt too long to make a decision.

He then said it unironically before typing into his chat room with Sehun.

Park CY

Sehun-a

Are you and your friends free next Saturday?

Seulgi and Jongin I mean

Chanyeol got the reply almost an hour later.

Sehun

I think so

Why?

Park CY

Do you guys want to hang out with me?

The more the merrier.

Sehun

I’m free but let me ask them first

Park CY

Ok.

Sehun

They said they’re free

So, where to?

Chanyeol pulled his phone close to his chest and exhaled.

Mission success.

Inside his head, he was imagining the four of them immersed in a warm conversation and formed their own inside jokes, laughing around, ruling out time as the valid measurement because they would be hemmed in enjoyment.

It's going to happen soon.

Right?

~***~