Though being whispered love poems and having a man to hold him fondly seemed like good ideas, the delight of being alone was equally good too for Sehun. He hung both of his feet to the wall above his bed’s headboard, torso on the mattress, laptop on his lower abdomen, while once in a while his hand reached into the opened big bag of chips and delivered the sweet-savory piece into his mouth. He caught up on the previous episode of The Elite from Netflix. And everything was okay. 

Until it wasn’t. 

At first, his phone vibrated shortly. Sehun chose to ignore it. Probably just a stupid notification from the payment app he had on his phone. But then felt continuous short vibrates across the bed that originated from his phone under one of the pillows. Someone was sending him a lot of messages at once. 

He paused the show, pulled his legs back to the mattress, and put his laptop aside. Sehun crawled to his pillow and took his phone.

What a really unpleasant surprise he felt when seeing Jongin and Seulgi were swamping the group chat with messages. From the notifications he saw on the screen, they were on each other’s throats. Again. 

Slug

Why is no one telling me that this Sooyoung girl is the girl who snatches my ex?????

Jongin

We didnt even know about that?

Slug 

Yeah at least you could give me her infos, photos or stuff???

Jongin

You never told us anything about your ex? How are we supposed to tell you when we know nothing about her?

Slug

Listen

I dont want her to rent you anymore, okay?

Seeing her makes me so ing SICK to the stomach 

Both my ex and her 

They are complete idiots

I have to hold back my tears and scream at the train earlier YOU HAVE NO IDEA

Jongin

That problem has nothing to do with me

What are you talking about?

Its on you and her?

Slug

IM TALKING ABOUT MY FEELINGS

Cant you read my text??? Are you illiterate? Are you sick????

Jongin

Yeah and?

She is just my client and i dont care what happened between you two before me

Calm down 

 Slug

Dont ~calm down~ me 

You dont even know how it feels

Youre just an emotionless robot and for what?

Sehun palmed his face and let out a deep sigh. These two would never choose peace over the altercation, didn’t they? 

Oh Sehun

Why dont you guys come over to my place and talk about this?

Jongin

Im not going this is not my problem

Oh Sehun

Jongin, please.

Slug

See? He doesnt even care about anyone!

Jongin

Sehun? You didnt know about sooyoung before?

Oh Sehun

No. I knew Baekhyun cheated, but that’s all.

Jongin

Look whos not being honest here

Sometimes Sehun wondered whether his role was really a peacemaker or he just had a people-pleasing tendency. But either way, he knew he wouldn’t let these two people go on their lives with holding grudges. So, he did what he had to do. Persuading Jongin and Seulgi in a more personal way through one-on-one chat.

It was rough, but he managed to get both of them to come to his apartment at 9. 

Jongin arrived first. His face told Sehun that he despised this idea so much. Sehun couldn’t say anything to convince Jongin otherwise because this man’s stance wouldn’t budge.

And Seulgi appeared later after she was done with her date. Her face turned much sourer when she saw Jongin sitting on the side of Sehun’s bed with the owner. She sat on the chair that she dragged from the desk to the bedside, hands folded in front of her chest while looking at the floor.

“Alright, listen”. Sehun took a deep breath. “I believe there is a misunderstanding here. First, I didn’t know anything about Sooyoung. She was just a client who wanted to rent Jongin, and that’s all. I never saw her face before, never knew her name, I don’t know, okay? Can you elaborate on what happened between you and this girl, Seulgi? And for Jongin, what happened during the date?”.

Seulgi rolled her eyes. As much as she didn’t want to repeat her story one more time, she did this just because Sehun asked her to. “When I went to my boyfriend—no, my ex’s apartment, I saw him with a girl I don’t know. But I remember her. She had long black hair and was a bit taller than me. She was wearing a white sweatshirt and pink sweatpants. I don’t know her name because I was busy—“. Seulgi paused to inhale deeply, as if it could dwindle her chest pain. “Why would I ask her name anyway? I fight my ex and that’s it. I cried and I called Sehun”.

“She did mention that part too”, Jongin replied. “And you slap her too, right?”.

“What? She tells you that on your date?!”, Seulgi retorted with a higher pitch. “Yes, I slapped her, what about it? She stole my boyfriend, okay? And my boyfriend was too for liking another girl when he was committed with me!”.

Jongin scoffed, a little bit belittling. “Well, according to Sooyoung, she didn’t know that your ex had a girlfriend when they first met through Twitter. It’s not entirely her fault too”.

Seulgi was taken aback. This was a piece of new information to her—

“And you believe her?!”, but, defending Sooyoung was never her option. “What if she lied to gain your sympathy?!”.

Sehun stretched out his hand to caress Seulgi’s arm. “Seulgi”, he softly called. She looked at him still with an irritated face.

“I don’t know and I don’t want to know whether she lied or not, but Sooyoung is my client. I am accountable for taking her request. She paid us, she didn’t interfere with any of our rules. You can be infuriated for all you want, and it will have nothing to do with me”, Jongin straightly looked at her eyes while stating his argument. “Are we clear now?”.

“Have you always been like this selfish?”, Seulgi could feel the pent-up frustration in her chest soon will erupt. “You don’t even care how hurtful it was for me?”.

“Why was it so hurtful for you? It was all your ex’s fault. And if I care or I don’t care about your feelings doesn’t change the fact Sooyoung is nothing but my client”.

“Of course it is! I don’t want my friend to hang out with her. I don’t want to be reminded of her!”.

“Guys, stop”, Sehun ruffled his own hair, almost going insane from hearing Jongin and Seulgi quarreled. “Okay, fine. Let’s find common ground here ’cause I bet both of you can say tons of things to defend yourself. Seulgi, what do you want us to do?”.

Seulgi bit her lip. There it was. The lump on , would turn into a sob soon. She tried hard to gulp it down to speak appropriately. “Don’t take her request again”.

“That’s not fair. You’re tangling your personal feelings with our job”, Jongin squinted his eyes. “You can choose to turn a blind eye. But you want us to be solicitous of your feelings by sacrificing professionalism. If that’s not selfish, then I don’t know what is”.

“Jongin”, Sehun veered his face at him, shriveling his forehead. Don’t say that to her.

“What? You want to defend her too? Because she knew you first before me?”.

“It’s not because of that. I just try to find a way that will benefit both of you”, Sehun replied. 

Seulgi rose from her seat. She approached both Jongin and Sehun at the bedside. Her eyes were already blurry, and she didn’t know how much she could hold in until it collapsed.

“Yeah, I’m selfish for that. And you’re selfish too because you didn’t even try to understand what I feel”, she maintained her gaze undaunted at Jongin, but her voice was already shaky.

Sehun glanced at Jongin and Seulgi repeatedly as he tried to compose a less-hurtful sentence for both of them. But none came up to his mind. Scrutinizing how Jongin and Seulgi looked at each other like they were ready to kill hindering his ability to think coherently. 

“At least I’m not meddling with our job”, Jongin followed her to stand up, even inched closer to Seulgi. He fixated his stare at Seulgi unwaveringly, as if he was more than fearless to confront her. “Just keep putting your emotions before your responsibility if you want to set your own downfall”.

And that was Seulgi’s breaking point.

“You know what?”, Seulgi’s first tear rolled down to her cheek. “You should be thankful that both of Sehun and me want to put up with your egoistic . Do you even have friends besides us? No? That’s because you don’t care about anyone but yourself! What’s so hard for you to at least give me a bit of sympathy? I would let her rent you if you did that in the first place!”.

Jongin didn’t seem to be bothered with Seulgi’s words. He kept on his smug face before he riposted, “Does it make you better than me?”.

Seulgi widened her eyes, brimmed with the tears until they fell in a free form. 

“ you”, she pushed Jongin’s chest. He had to take one step back to maintain his body’s balance. Not giving him an opportunity to speak, Seulgi turned around to dart from Sehun’s room.

“Seulgi!”. Sehun quickly went after her. Before Seulgi opened his apartment door, Sehun grabbed both of her shoulders and turned her around.

“Seulgi, please—“.

“No, let me—“, she choked on her own tears. “I’m not mad at you, so please leave me alone”. Seulgi snorted, then wiped the tears on the corner of her eyes and on her cheeks, knowing that it would smudge her makeup like a mess.

“I know. I know Jongin is a bit hard to deal with, and I don’t ask you to understand him, but give me time to talk to him, okay?”. Sehun gave her his best reassuring smile. 

Seulgi exhaled a deep breath. “Yeah. I wanna go home”.

“Be safe, Seulgi. Call me if something happens”.

Seulgi nodded her head. The door finally closed behind her.

Sehun grabbed a handful of his hair and tried to pull it away. He wasn’t sure if this was repairable. But Jongin was waiting in his room, and Sehun had to say something to him.

He closed his room’s door and leaned on it. “Sorry, Jongin. Seulgi was significantly affected by that event and—“.

“I would be affected too if I were her”, Jongin threw himself to Sehun’s bed, with his feet hanging from the bedside. “But she is putting her personal problem to the job. That’s where it’s not right”.

Sehun sighed. He seated himself next to Jongin, then rotated to face him in a cross-legged sitting position from his left.

“She wanted you to be soft about it first”, Sehun said. “Maybe when you said you don’t care about what happened between them before, she felt like you’re neglecting her feelings. That’s where she was hurt”.

Jongin closed his eyes and shook his head faintly. “I don’t know, Sehun. I don’t really understand things like feelings and such”.

From this close proximity, and with eyes closed, Jongin looked more delicate. His eyelashes were touching the lower part of his dark circle. His chest rose and sunk in a not-so-regular pattern. His hair that he promised will be cut soon but not yet, scattered around his head, a contrast of black on the white sheet. All Sehun wanted to do was to run his fingers through Jongin’s forehead and hair, repeatedly, until he had more intimate memories of him—but to be wise was to be able to restrain your desire. So, he held back. And stared at him from above instead. 

“You can always learn and start somewhere”, Sehun finally uttered his response. “Both of you are so distinct. But that’s where the fun part, right? You don’t just befriend everyone similar to you”.

“I don’t want to be friends with Seulgi”.

“Are you serious?”, Sehun began to feel nervous.

Jongin lifted his torso until he was seated on the bed. “Yeah. I want to be more than friends”.

Sehun stared at him for a few good seconds without blinking as he felt his lower jaw-dropping little by little. He could feel that familiar ‘bang’ on his chest, but he couldn’t identify the rationale. Was it fear? Was it jealousy? Was it just a shock—

“Oh my God, I’m kidding. Loosen up a bit, won’t you? We’ve been arguing too much tonight!”, Jongin raised his left eyebrow before cackling.

Sehun exhaled in relief. “, I almost had a cardiac arrest. Sync our humor first”.

“Why would we? That’s the fun part, right?”, he replicated what Sehun said before and smirked. “No, not the cardiac arrest. The sense of humor, I mean”.

Sehun seized the nearest pillow and hit it into Jongin’s shoulder. Instead of groaning in pain, Jongin laughed and shoved him away. Sehun was smiling ear to ear before he laughed along with Jongin. 

“I should get going now, it’s late”, Jongin stood up from the bed. 

When Jongin’s hand was on the door’s handle, something popped into Sehun’s mind that propelled him to call Jongin.

“Wait, Jongin”, Sehun promptly got up and dashed to his desk’s shelves. Jongin observed him, eyes filled with curiosity.

Sehun had prepared the full spectrum of Jongin’s possible reaction from the best to the worst. So, when he took the English version of One Hundred Years of Solitude that just arrived last Thursday and gave it to Jongin, he was confident that nothing would frighten him any more.

“Here. For you”.

Jongin widened his eyes when those landed on the book, still covered with plastic and even the price tag. 

“For me? Really?”, he looked up to Sehun.

“Y-yeah”, Sehun nodded. “Don’t worry, this doesn’t go to your paycheck”, he tried to chuckle, but the anxiousness made it sound like he was getting a bad cough. He pushed the book to Jongin’s hand so that guy could take all part of it.

“I—I...Sehun, you don’t have to do this to me”, Jongin pushed it back to Sehun. “I didn’t ask you to buy it—”.

“Of course, I just wanna buy it for you”, Sehun didn’t give up, he still pushed the book to Jongin again.

“Why?”.

Sehun shrugged his shoulders. “I randomly give my friends gifts sometimes”.

“So, I’m your friend now?”.

“And my employee too”.

What happened later was fulfilling Sehun’s best possible scenario. Jongin slowly raised both corners of his lips into a smile. The widest, most genuine smile he had ever seen from Jongin. It was the perfect fuel for Sehun’s heart to race nimbly. Jongin wasn’t offended. He was happy, beyond the doubt.

Only if Sehun could embrace this moment to be replayed over and over again like a broken record.

“When is your birthday?”, Jongin queried Sehun, still with that tugging smile.

“I didn’t give you this so you can give me something back”.

“No, just answer me. Your birthday?”.

Sehun sighed. “April 12”.

“It’s near from now”.

“I told you I never meant to—“.

“Do you think I ask your birthday to repay your gift?”, Jongin used that thick novel to pat on Sehun’s arm a few times. “In your dreams”.

Sehun rolled his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Fine. I’m being too caught up with my own head”.

Jongin retorted with a short laugh.

They walked out of Sehun’s room to the main door. After Jongin put on his sandals, he turned back to Sehun and looked him straight at his eyes.

“Thanks for this”, he raised his right hand, which was holding the book. “It’s...nice. Yeah. Nice. Very nice”.

Sehun chuckled at Jongin’s sudden inadequate vocabulary. “No big deal. I hope you like it”.

Jongin gave Sehun his last smile that day before he bid goodbye, closing the door behind him. Sehun leaned his back to the door. The wood felt cold, but contrary to what he felt in his chest, there was a warmth that he had longed for—that he wouldn’t expect to get from Jongin. 

~***~

The ceiling above her bed that Seulgi stared at became the medium of disarray fractions from tonight’s memories. Sooyoung’s appalled face. Jongin’s unwavering gaze. Sehun’s frown. She didn’t know where to continue with all the mayhem that had happened between her and Jongin. Should she apologize first? Should she wait for Jongin? Should Sehun interfere again?

Seulgi let out a deep sigh.

She tapped on her group chat with Sehun and Jongin. No one said a thing since their’ meeting’ earlier. She only could hope that Sehun’s words worked magic on Jongin’s uncrackable head.

Just as Seulgi wanted to click on Jongin’s profile, a text appeared from the top of her phone screen. It was from an unsaved number. Feeling anxious, she immediately opened the message.

Hi, Seulgi. This is Chanyeol.

Are you asleep yet?

She could feel her cheeks pushed upward due to her sudden smile. Her fingers quickly ran through the letters to form some sentences.

Seulgi

Hi, Chanyeol.

No, not yet. What happened?

Chanyeol

I’m sorry for texting you at this late

I think I need your help once more

Mom asked me to invite you to dinner next week

I’ve texted Sehun but he hasn’t replied

So...yeah. If you can talk to Sehun about this I’ll be glad.

Good things that came unexpectedly always made Seulgi’s heart rise. She had been secretly hoping that Chanyeol would schedule his next date with her. Just as she forgot about it, Chanyeol delivered her the exact news that she needed, even more amid the current obnoxious situation. 

Seulgi

Sehun has a friend over his place so maybe he hasn’t checked his phone yet

I will free my schedule for you next week

And I’ll tell Sehun too

But, that was when Seulgi realized something was off. 

Seulgi

Wait, you know Sehun?

Chanyeol

Ah, about that. I asked for his contact before my graduation

Cause my Instagram notifs come late sometimes

So, you’re okay with next week?

Seulgi

Oh I see

Yeah, I can make time

Chanyeol

Good, thank you so much Seulgi!

We will ‘break up’ in two weeks, okay?

In the meantime I’ll dodge my mom’s request after this one dinner

Seulgi

Sure, sure

We can discuss that later

Anything else?

Chanyeol

Nope, I guess. Are you going to sleep?

Seulgi

Yes. Sorry, I’m not feeling well

Chanyeol

Oh...what happened? Only if you mind to tell me, no pressure

Chanyeol’s question raised an internal debate within Seulgi’s mind. She clicked on Chanyeol’s iMessage profile picture. He was casually sitting on a sofa with his arm atop the backrest, forming a V sign near his smile. Very cute and adorable. But was that information relevant for her judgment? 

Seulgi

I had an argument with my friend

I’m still angry about it but I’ll sleep it away I guess

Chanyeol

Sorry to hear that :(

I hope you’re feeling better when you wake up

And talk it out to them when you’ve cooled down

Seulgi

Thanks, Chanyeol. That means a lot

I’ll sleep now

Seulgi locked her screen right away when she saw the three dots on Chanyeol’s bubble was jumping around. She closed her eyes, her mind entirely shifting to the memory of their first fake date. Chanyeol’s arm around her shoulder, around her waist, on her shoulders; his flushed red cheeks when she praised him in front of his parents; and his delightful warm smile.

Her phone vibrated once.

Chanyeol

Ok, good night Seulgi!

Seulgi left it on read and pulled her blanket over her head.

Like she was afraid someone else would be watching her face lit up with a huge smile. 

~***~

Sehun frantically could not wait for Monday to come. In the meantime, the fragment where Jongin smiled at him continuously filled his consciousness, even at the moment that wasn’t even related to him. In the middle of washing the dishes, changing his bedsheet, taking the food order—he just had to shake his head vigorously sometimes to get rid of Jongin’s face from his mind. 

Let’s say that hypothetically he had some sort of feelings for Jongin; Sehun knew the best-proven way to deal with it is to keep his mouth sealed tight. Because what he had for Jongin wasn’t something that Jongin could possibly want or need. The state they were currently in was pleasant, although it would not be enough someday in the future if Sehun’s feelings kept growing. And there was no way Sehun wanted to ravage it. What happened next? Jongin would return the same feelings? Impossible.

So, when he saw from the corner of his eye that Jongin appeared from behind the FSS-Lab’s door that Monday morning, Sehun kept his attention intact to his laptop’s screen. Only when Jongin sat in front of him that Sehun finally looked up. And what greeted him evoked another loud bang in his chest. Tons of fireworks. 

Jongin cut his hair. He decided to stick with the safest and the most common style he had—undercut. He kept his bangs a bit long to his eye’s level, but he still looked fresher. And more handsome.

“New hair, finally?”, Sehun said.

Jongin nodded. “If you see me getting buzzcut next week, know that it’s your fault”.

Those words successfully made Sehun laugh. “It feels good, right?”.

“Yeah”, he shortly replied as he opened his laptop and put some of the papers next to it. He sunk his face down to the keyboard and let out a loud sigh.

“Why?”, Sehun asked, when Jongin already rose his head. He took time to observe Jongin more. Aside from his new hair, he noticed that this guy looked slightly paler, with his dark circles standing out more evidently.

“I feel dizzy since last night”, Jongin flipped over one piece of paper and put it on the desk again. It was not the file he looked for.

“Why? Not getting enough sleep?”.

Shaking his head, Jongin then said, “My...meds...run out”.

“What medication?”.

Jongin paused for a bit, eyes fixated on the paper he held, his mouth was waiting for his mind to utter some words. Thankfully, they were the only ones who occupied this room, so he got one less thing to worry about.

“Antidepressant”, he finally said. “I’m getting it this afternoon after class”.

“Oh...”. Sehun nodded his head and looked at Jongin. “Do you want to skip class today?”.

“I can’t”.

“You can”, he tugged a playful smirk on his face. “Come on. I’ll go with you and skip my class too. Some Mondays are not meant to be spent so dreadfully”.

The only person who ever accompanied Jongin to the psychiatrist to take his medication was his ex. He had always been so close-off to that matter. Why should anybody know there was a chemical imbalance in his brain? He didn’t feel safe exposing this layer of him to anyone else—but then there was Sehun, with his pure, innocent eyes, looking directly at him while he weighed his decision.

“But if you don’t want me—“.

“Okay”.

Both of them shoot out their words at the same time.

“Okay?”, Sehun asked him for confirmation.

“Yeah. Just... don’t tell anyone about this yet”.

Sehun nodded his head in relief. “Of course, I won’t”.

~***~

Hospital was never Sehun’s favorite place—and he bet it’s no one’s—but one and a half hours seemed pretty packed when he got a whole building to explore. His feet have carried him everywhere, from the inside of the building, which was filled with white interior with a modern minimalist touch, to the front and back gardens of the building, which were full of green grass, park benches, and nurses and caregivers who take their patients to walk. He went through the stairs, the elevator, and even the restroom to pass the time.

He tried not to think about every sick person he saw. This was a hospital; everyone who came here wished to be well. Likewise, with Jongin. There was a stomach-level wall between the hallway leading to a ward and the outdoor area on the first floor that Sehun leaned his elbows against, while several questions about Jongin inundated his mind. What Jongin was really going through? How bad was it, that he needed to use medication?

The presence of someone walking towards him made Sehun take a glance. It was Jongin. Sehun texted him ten minutes ago about his whereabouts. He still didn’t look better than before—of course, the medicine would not just do a magic show in five minutes, but at least he finally had something to save him. 

“How was it?”, Sehun straightened up his whole body, unconsciously rubbing on his bag strap back and forth.

Jongin shrugged his shoulder. “Nothing much”, he said. “Can we grab a meal now? I’m famished”.

And so, they went together. There was a small cafe nearby that served mainly toast and coffee. Sehun knew this meal was not the main event, the main reason why he wanted to accompany Jongin today. He proposed Jongin an idea: go to the big shopping mall with a multi-story parking lot, park his car on the highest story, and sit on the car’s hood while looking at the cityscape from tens of meters above. 

Jongin agreed. He too, needed something to look at other than his laptop and phone screen. 

Sehun parked his car on the fifth story. The front part of his car was facing the chest-level concrete wall. He and Jongin hopped onto the car’s hood and sat there, placing the huge plastic bag containing two cups of coffee and two toast on the space between their seat. The sun was upright perpendicular above their head, yet the air they breathed was cold. It was still the beginning of April, after all. 

Jongin pulled the slice of tomato from between his toast and he turned to Sehun. “Want some?”.

Sehun pulled one side of his toast and let Jongin rest that slice atop of the cheese. He put it back before getting his first bite. 

They went on with their own train of thoughts for minutes before Sehun finally spoke,

“Do you feel better now?”.

Jongin finished his chew first. “The headache is still there”, he said, “But the doctor has lowered the dose”.

“So...that means....”.

“It’s getting more controlled now than last month”.

The memory of Jongin’s first meeting with Seulgi resurfaced in Sehun’s mind.

“Does it have anything to do with the...break up?”, Sehun looked at him. “I—I...you know your words back then left us speechless”.

“Which one?”.

“The first time you, me, and Seulgi met at the cafeteria”.

Jongin still had half of the toast to eat, but he stopped momentarily, looking at the piece of toast he rotated with both of his hands over and over again. “It was all my fault”.

“Your fault?”.

There was one moment where some words he had in mind glided from his tongue as his therapist sat in front of him. That was a few days after he grazed the cutter and the sharp glass from the broken soju bottle continuously to his thighs, after he lost so much blood, after the breakup—after his world ended. 

“We broke up because of me”.

That weight on his chest was still there. But this time, it might not feel as suffocating as before. He could still breathe and eat, instead of hyperventilating.

“What did you do?”, Sehun then asked him. 

“No one wants to stick with a depressed person for five years. No one wants to answer a call five nights a week and be greeted by a wail. Or to take away all the sharp things your lover had so they won’t—“. Jongin stopped at that word. Cut and bleed themselves to death. “I knew really well that all I did to her was spread her skin very thin and one day it will tear her apart. But I couldn’t stop. When she wasn’t around, I couldn’t stand on my own feet, but when she was there for me, I kept pushing her. It must be hellish for her”. 

Sehun sipped on his iced vanilla latte. For someone reticent like Jongin, opening up to someone could feel worse than constantly living in despair itself. It must be onerous to peel his layer open one by one to the person who he just knew for a month.

But Jongin decided to trust him. Sehun knew than better not to shatter it.

“How long have you been going to therapist?”.

Jongin let a soft sigh. “Since I was fifteen. I...I started...cutting. My parents’ divorce...and my childhood is ty too...yeah, all that. I did it on my thighs. It’s the body part that I always cover. No one ever saw that. But one day my sister accidentally saw it and she dragged me to the therapist”. Jongin cast his gaze far away at the sky. The fleeting memories of his teenage life kept coming to his mind in a haywire manner.

So that’s why. 

There should be tons of hurdles Jongin had to face so he could stand tall on his two feet today, which squeezed Sehun’s heart as if he was the one who went through it all. He side-eyed Jongin, who just took a massive bite on his toast and munched it in silence.

“You’ve gone through a lot”, Sehun told him. “You made it out of your worst day, and now you are getting so much better. Give yourself some credit for that”.

Nice was probably the first word Jongin associated with Sehun since the first time they met at their faculty basement. Though it still became his most prominent trait, Jongin didn’t think he would get used to it. At least in the short term. 

He stayed wordless until it was his turn to finally finish the remaining toast he had in his hand. 

“What about you?”.

“About me, what?”.

“Have you decided to move on?”. Jongin dropped his upper body to the windshield with his cup of iced cold brew on his right hand, resting his back with legs stretched out. He sipped on the beverage while waiting for Sehun to answer, staring at Sehun’s broad back from behind.

Sehun brought both of his knees to his embrace. “I think so. It’s just, I love being single at the moment”.

“Did anyone else know that you’re gay?”.

“My parents know”. Sehun rotated his body to face Jongin from the side. “Some of my friends know too. I hope our lecturers don’t”.

“, your parents?”, Jongin widened his eyes, couldn’t contain the jolt on his own. He rested his right elbow on the windshield, hand on the side of his head, to hold his upper body weight. “Are things okay between you and them?”.

“I mean... I’ve been conspicuous about it since I was younger. My parents kinda knew it too. I just told them about it explicitly before I moved away from home for college. And they said that...”, he repeatedly, but softly tapped the bottom part of his coffee cup to the metal hood. “I have to be successful first if I want to move out and live as I please”.

Jongin kept his stare at Sehun. “They don’t want you to suffer in this country”.

“Something like that”.

“So, they support you?”.

“Not that they have said it with words but...I guess they did”, Sehun smiled. “You know, there is this one client that Seulgi had before who rented her for his graduation. He has a boyfriend but he couldn’t introduce him to his parents. I feel sorry for him”.

“That’s tough”. Jongin returned to his prior position, and fixated his eyes on the concrete roof. “And very burdening”.

“He is about to rent Seulgi again this week”, Sehun said. “Turned out that his parents like Seulgi so much. They are asking for a dinner with her”.

Imagining Seulgi having dinner with her fake boyfriend’s parents made Jongin quiver. That was...very unlikely of her.

“Had Seulgi talked about me to you since that night?”. 

Sehun shook his head. “You guys haven’t talked to each other yet?”.

“No”, Jongin answered. “Do you know what she is up to tomorrow?”.

“I think...”, Sehun hummed as he tried to remember Seulgi’s schedule. “She usually practices boxing on Tuesday morning if she doesn’t have homework. Then she has a class in the afternoon, and a date in the evening”.

Jongin knew he should do something about this. Not only because Seulgi was his co-worker and it would potentially damage their business. Seulgi was frank with her emotions, something that Jongin was struggling with, sometimes. The way her tone was high, her breathe was shaky, and the tears that followed that night told Jongin that he had done something that badly hurt her feelings. He couldn’t help but feel bad too, the more he thought of it.

Sehun dragged himself backward. The next second, he was lying down next to Jongin on his car windshield. Both of them spent the next hour just mostly in stillness. Sometimes the sound of the car engine and alarm passing on the back accompanied them, or the blurred sound of vehicle’s horn from the busy road down below, or the faint voice of the mall staff and visitors. 

He liked this new comfort he felt when he wasn’t pressured to say anything to Jongin. It told him that there was a threshold of awkward silence between two persons he had passed, which brought him into the next level of closeness with Jongin. 

Maybe Jongin didn’t realize that, and that was okay. He didn’t need to. 

Jongin started to feel his eyelid getting heavier. Perhaps it was because of how he was constantly lulled by the wind. Or because of the medicine. Or because his stomach was full. Or maybe, the three of them in once. The cold brew he drank had zero effect on him that day. He closed his eyes with his palm, then he said, “I’m sleepy”. He followed that with a yawn and stretched his muscles. 

“Should we go home now?”.

Jongin nodded. 

After they packed all the trash into the plastic bag, they went inside the car. Sehun started the engine and drove down to the first floor, while Jongin tried his best to keep his eyes open. He needed to tell Sehun his address.

It was a twenty minutes drive to Jongin’s flat building. He unfastened the seatbelt and dragged his bag’s strap to his shoulder. 

“Thanks, Sehun”, he uttered as he looked at the man beside him.

Sehun nodded his head.

But, just as Jongin opened the car’s door, Sehun called him.

“Jongin?”.

Jongin closed the door back. “What?”.

He stared at him first because the words felt heavily weighing on his tongue. “If...someday you need to distract your mind from...”, he gestured his left hand awkwardly. “...hurting yourself. You should call me. Don’t do anything until I pick up your call”.

Jongin looked at Sehun. The warmth radiated from both of Sehun’s eyes eventually reached into his skin, sinking deep down to the heart that he left cold alone inside his ribcage. 

He chewed on his lower lip and nodded. “I will”. Not loud enough for Sehun to hear clearly, but Sehun got what he meant.

He quickly came out of Sehun’s car and closed the door behind him. He brought his legs to walk briskly to the elevator and pressed on the up button impatiently, as if it would make a difference. His heart started racing and an invisible lump was obstructing his throat, making it harder to breathe.

The elevator finally chimed and slid the metal doors to left and right. It was empty. Thank god. 

Jongin knew that there were five numbers on the right side of the door, but all of them seemed blurry and clouded. He managed to press on the number 4. As the door closed back, he closed his eyes too, which were already heavy from the piling up tears—hoping that it wouldn’t fall into his cheeks.

~***~

The past couple of days had been tormenting for Seulgi’s emotional state. And when Tuesday was around the corner, she knew her priority list must be organized. She forced herself to complete her tasks on Monday evening after she went home from her date. 

On Tuesday morning, she put on her usual sleeveless black top and track pants. She intended to spend her morning channeling the disheveled knot of her mind into vigorous punches on the boxing bag.

There were only two persons when Seulgi arrived at her usual boxing practice place. One man that could be a few years younger than her, and his coach. It was the typical morning in there. Seulgi liked it that not so many people were around. She did some warm-ups first to flex her muscles, especially the shoulders and arms area. 

With a wireless earpiece on her ears and boxing gloves on her hands, Seulgi looked at the red boxing bag in front of her fiercely. She wanted that bag to stare back at her, but unfortunately—she couldn’t immediately choose whose face she should put on there. Jongin? Sooyoung? Baekhyun?

, just imagine three of them in once!

And so, Seulgi began to exert her punch into that standing red bag.

She went hard and fast, like she was afraid ‘they’ would escape from her before she let out her most lethal punch. No, you all did me wrong, and youStor can’t escape from me. The boxing gloves did not really give the best job to absorb the force she put into her fist. Seulgi could sense her knuckles throbbed in pain as time went by.

Her arms grew sore, and her breath was racing. The image of those three people who enraged her the most continually changed in many facial expressions. Smiling. Frowning. Crying. Screaming. Her fists kept hurling, and that big cylindrical sack kept shaking. At this time, her arms could easily be cut and fell down to the floor.

. . .

“Argh!!!”.

Seulgi halted for a while. She crouched down, face almost touching the floor, trying to retrieve the sufficient breathing pace that could make her function. She stood up again, and her second round started.

Her wrath gave her more energy to pummel the sack until she was too immersed for the next couple of minutes. The dripping sweats started to make her shirt stuck to her back. She thought that as the way all the negativity heaped inside her evaporated into heat—and it made her feel better.

Not until Seulgi caught a faint familiar male voice calling her name from afar behind, in between the beats and instrumentals that she heard from her earpiece.

Seulgi put her hands down and rotated her head to the back, before her whole body followed.

She found out was why it sounded so familiar to her ears.

Stood a few meters apart, Jongin looked at her straightly in the eyes, like he usually been—unperturbed. He walked closer to her when Seulgi finally recognized his existence.

“Sehun told me you’ll be here”, that was the first thing he stated. 

Seulgi took off both of her boxing gloves and threw them to the ground before tapping on her earpiece to pause the song. “What do you want?”.

Jongin was silent for a few seconds that he filled with a few blinks in. “Can we talk? About last Friday”.

Seulgi examined him from top to bottom. Jongin looked peaceful, and a part of her wanted to accept whatever he said later and move on. But another part of her cogged off that intention. Giving him a bit of lesson from his snobbish act sounded better to her. 

“Can you fight?”, Seulgi held her chin up high as the words glided from .

“What?”. 

“Let’s fight on the ring first. I wanna see how strong you are”.

~***~