Written for my 1st Anniv writing Markjin (August 9th 2021) ^^

Non AU

***

“Mark Hyung…”

“Yes, baby?”

“I miss you…”

“I miss you too, Jinyoungie,” Mark said, smiling. Jinyoung’s voice was still laced with sleep mixed with the static phone sound, and he could clearly imagine how he looked. Very adorable.

“You don’t sound like you do.”

Mark chuckled. He liked when the younger was acting petulant. It’s like a challenge for him to overcome. “How should I sound then? Tell me.”

Jinyoung gave no answer, only a rustling sound made through the line.

“You have no idea how much I want to smash that video button so we can change to a video—”

“No! No, no, no, no, no! Mark Hyung, no, please!” Jinyoung cried.

This time Mark broke into a peal of loud laughter. “Yeah, yeah, I won’t. Don’t worry. But, Jinyoungie, I’ve been telling you for years now that you look totally okay in the morning. In fact, you look like the cutest little pup!”

"No, I don’t."

An image of his boyfriend pouting popped up in his head. “You do. And don’t pout. You’re extra irresistible when you pout.”

“How do you know I’m pouting?”

“You literally sound like you’re pouting, Jinyoungie,” he said, giggling lightly. “And I was just proven right.”

Jinyoung huffed over the phone. “How could you be so calm?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said you miss me, but you sound so calm. I’m literally dying here, Mark Hyung.”

Mark’s heart tugged. “Should I sound frantic then? And make you worry more than you are now?” he asked, teasing a little. Despite being the one that literally had no rest, his boyfriend was always worrying about him.

“No…”

“I’m not calm if you’re wondering. Just by hearing your voice right now, my heart transformed into a hurricane. My head spins, my fingers are fidgety, I want to jump you through the phone.”

“You can’t do that,” Jinyoung argued, giggling. The sounds were so melodic it’s music in Mark’s ears. “I love you, Mark Hyung… I really really love you.”

“I love you so much too, babycakes. You have no idea.”

“Yeah, I don’t. Because you’re not here to show it.”

Mark sighed, knowing where the conversation was going. “Wait a bit, okay, baby, once I finish my album and the promotion, I will be able to have some time to spend with you.”

“I love you, Mark Hyung, and my heart hurts right now… I need you now…”

“Baby… I’m here, just a phone call away...”

“I tried to keep myself busy. I literally only have three hours to sleep, just so I don’t have time to think about you. But in those three hours, you were there, every second of it, and I can’t. I-I can’t Mark Hyung…” Jinyoung’s voice broke a little. “I think about your smile, your teeth, your eyes, your eyebrows, your nose, your lips, your hair, your touch…”

“I know, babycakes, you are there in my every waking and sleeping moment, too… But Park Jinyoung is the strongest person I know. You can do it.”

“I could be strong because of you… Now you aren’t here…”

“But before we met, you’re already strong…”

“Then I have forgotten how to do that without you.”

“Learn again then. Just like you learn riding motorcycles, swimming, diving, and all those amazing things you’ve started learning. Do it.”

“I don’t think I can do that.”

Mark looked ahead, unfocused, to the grey wall of his bedroom. This was definitely when Jinyoung was in his 'low' and needed as much boost as he could. He could provide that, but only to the extent that the younger would need a refill, and the refill time got shorter and shorter by the day.

Jinyoung let out a sigh and said, “It’s easier on your part, you can have someone—”

“I don’t have someone else, Jinyoungie. I don’t have and I don’t want someone else to fill this giant hole I have in my heart right now. Only you can fill it.”

“There are a lot—“

“I don’t care what they’re feeling about me. It’s a spot for you and it’s permanent.”

“I could die for you. I wanna die for you, Mark Hyung…”

Mark shook his head in reflex. “I don’t want that. If you die, who’s gonna take care of my heart?”

“Boys and girls—“

“No, baby. You are in charge of that.”

“Cheesy…”

“I have to… My baby is sinking, and I don’t like that. We have to stay afloat, baby. I know it’s hard, it’s extremely hard, but we have to.”

“Don’t forget me…”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“I don’t wanna be forgotten in a secluded corner…”

“As I said, I don’t know how to do that. I said earlier you are in all my waking and sleeping moments. Sometimes you appear so much that I have to change my underwear in the middle of the night.”

“ert.” Jinyoung chuckled.

And with that Mark was on the right track. Jinyoung was meant to be happy, so he made a promise to himself to keep sadness away from him as much as he could. “I want to see your face, Jinyoungie~”

“I’m still in my bed, just woke up, my face is bloated, red, and I definitely haven’t shaved, my hair is greasy and—“

“The more you say it, the more I want to see you,” he said, chuckling.

“No!”

“I literally have had you waking up in my arms, babycakes.”

“That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“Those times, those times we weren’t separated… This time, you haven’t seen me for a while, and I don’t want you to see me, after a while, in an ugly state.”

Mark clicked his tongue. “So what? Ugly Jinyoung or Pretty Jinyoung is still the Jinyoung that I love so much. And for your information, Ugly Jinyoung who? There’s no such thing.”

“Still, I’m the one with insecurity here, Mark Hyung…”

Mark heaved slowly. “Yes baby, I know… Okay, don’t worry. I won’t do a video call without your consent, yeah?”

If there was one thing Mark had learned over the years, it’s Jinyoung's insecurities. It’s looming over him like bad weather, and despite how bright he presented himself to the world, it’s still there. He’d been trying his best to shun those insecurities away, but it could only do so much. And after numerous heart-to-heart talks with his boyfriend, they decided that it would always stay there. It’s part of Jinyoung as well as part of Mark. He couldn’t confront it, so he learned to accept it, addressing it in a different approach so it wouldn’t kill Jinyoung too much.

“N-next time we have a call, let’s, uh, let’s do a video call…” Jinyoung said a bit hesitantly.

Mark perked up at that, always relishing it when Jinyoung took the initiative. “Can’t wait, babycakes.”

“I will be the one calling you.”

“Yes, Sir!”

Jinyoung giggled. “Silly.”

“Your silly~”

“My silly.”

“I love you, Jinyoung.”

“I love you too, Mark Hyung. I’ll be waiting here.”

“Maybe next time you can use your new skills? Swim and dive into the ocean and get here? That would be the grandest entrance to the United States in history.”

“Mark!”

Mark laughed loudly, not holding back, Jinyoung on the other side of the line was grumbling cutely. “You in speedos would be illegal,” he added, smirking. “And perhaps when you’re here, we can have a pool fu—”

“I don’t know what speedos is.” Jinyoung sounded huffy.

“y.”

“Keep it in your imagination.”

“Oh, I will, babe.”

“ert!!”

Mark tossed his head back, laughing, while in the process hitting the back of his head against the wall. “Ouch…”

It’s time for Jinyoung to laugh. “That’s for having a naughty thought.”

“As if you don’t think naughty things about me.”

“I don’t.”

“Of course, you don’t,” Mark said smugly, knowing very well how active his boyfriend’s imaginations could be.

“I have to go, Mark Hyung. My manager will pick me up soon.”

“Running away, hm?” He smirked knowingly, even though Jinyoung couldn’t see it. “Okay, babycakes, get ready for your day. Think about me but also don’t think about me.”

“How am I supposed to do that?” Jinyoung asked in an amused tone.

“Hmm, I don’t know, honestly… But I don’t want you to suffer because you think about me. At the same time, I don’t want you to not think about me.”

“You’re waffling, Mark Hyung. Have you gotten enough sleep?”

“I’m fine, babe, as fine as I can without you around.” He said, chuckling. “Okay, go on, don’t skip breakfast.”

“Yes, Mr Tuan.”

“Oh, that’s hot.”

“Bye, Mr Tuan.”

“Bye, future Mr Tuan.”

A momentary silence stretched between them. It’s not uncomfortable, it’s full of anticipation. Full of hope.

“Mark Hyung…”

“I’m serious, Jinyoungie. Now come on, you have to get ready. See you soon! Bye, I love you!”

“I love you too, Mark Hyung. So much.”

***