A chorus of yells resounded from the table behind her. She had seen the party come in earlier on. They had been relatively noisy most of the night, but it wasn’t that surprising. If she were to guess, it was a bachelorette celebration. She’d been in the States long enough for her ears to be numbed towards the loud hollers and cheers every time someone downed a shot.

 

Now that the party was winding down, the group was probably taking commemorative pictures before taking their leave. From the flash of the camera reflected on the walls and the length of the click that accompanied the flicker, she knew that the photograph was overexposed.

 

Whoever was handling the camera, they weren’t very observant. They were probably using a manual setting, but they didn’t change the shutter speed to suit the aperture and flash setting. The lighting wasn’t that dim to begin with. It would have been more natural to use a faster shutter speed and balance it with a flash.

 

A series of groans and apologies from the same direction told her that she was right. Wendy smiled into the glass she was holding.

 

If there was one thing in the world that she would trust without an ounce of hesitation, it was her camera.

 

People used to criticise her by saying that living through a camera viewing glass meant that she would be narrowing her viewpoint but Seungwan disagreed. On the contrary, photography broadened her mind and helped her to live with an even greater understanding and appreciation of the world around her.

 

It was a way for her to express her view of the world. From focus to aperture, everything could be controlled and tweaked to match the sight she beheld. She could focus on what she wanted, blur out the rest, emphasise on the contrast and depict the atmosphere around her, all with a few turns of the knob and shift of settings.

 

All it took was a soft exhale and a click of the shutter would tell her that her sight had been turned into a physical memory. A photograph was the intangible turned tangible. Emotions, opinion, art and beauty conjured into a single image.

 

It had been five years since she signed the employment contract that crystallised her plan to move to the States for her new job.

 

She had left everything behind.

 

Her apartment.

 

Her friends and family.

 

Her job.

 

Her.

 

She remembered the weekend she spent gathering her essentials and arranging for them to be shipped to the States. The apartment looked like a bare skeleton, devoid of life and sentiments, when she shut the door behind her for the last time.

 

Seungwan’s cheeks had been stained with tears that didn’t seem to stop as the plane left the runway, but at no point did she regret her decision.

 

She had left South Korea as Seungwan, but she stepped off the plane as Wendy.

 

Now, five years later, she couldn’t believe everything she had worked so hard to achieve was getting threatened by the same reason she left her home. The person who tainted everything she touched and made it impossible to go back to how things were.

 

Bae Joohyun.

 

Thinking of the name alone made the whiskey she just sipped even more bitter. She let the alcohol taste linger on her tongue before swallowing the mouthful.

 

The ice cubes clinked in the glass, melting slowly due to Wendy’s circular motions.

 

“You’ll just dilute the taste like that.” The woman sitting two seats away from her commented. Her voice was barely audible over the music playing behind them, but Wendy noted the distinct Korean accent that accompanied her words.

 

Wendy spared a quick glance at her. The girl had black hair that hung just above her ribs and fair skin with a hint of body glitter that was visible under the strobing lights.

 

“I didn’t realise I was at a whiskey appreciation class.” Wendy shot back, not interested in making small talk with a stranger, much less a drunk tourist who was here to party.

 

Looking down at her phone returned her attention to the last opened tab that contained a single name entered into Google search- Irene Bae.

 

Her night had been one of celebration.

 

That was, of course, until she decided to do a cursory check on her new client.

 

Granted, she should have checked the moment her boss gave her the folder, but her momentary daze of hearing the words “Exclusive feature with an A-list Korean celebrity” overtook her logic and she agreed without hesitation. She was well known in the fashion industry, as one of the youngest CEOs to start her own company and gained recognition from her seniors and peers. As an actress, Irene Bae was relatively new, but her latest film snagged an Oscar, which gave her a spike in media attention.

 

An exclusive coverage with a rising star could give their magazine an edge over the other magazines. Hence, Wendy was aware of how much this feature meant to the company.

 

Plus, being one of the few employees who spoke fluent Korean and English, Wendy had been offered the chance to be in charge of the photoshoot. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, so who was she to reject the offer?

 

An idiot, that was who she was.

 

By some of misfortune, or maybe the universe just really couldn’t allow her to be happy, her next client was literally the last person on earth she wanted to see.

 

Pictures of her ex-girlfriend stared back at her from the screen, as if mocking her gullibility.

 

A message from her supervisor came in at the same time, the notification only serving to further dampen her spirits.

 

‘It’s unfortunate, Wendy, but we submitted your name this afternoon. They’re expecting you at the airport tomorrow morning at 9.00am to bring the crew for the first shoot.’

 

It wasn’t unexpected.

 

Moments after she realised the identity of her new client, Wendy had tried her luck and asked for the project to be transferred to another colleague. She knew that the chances of being entertained were low to begin with, but the realisation that she was stuck with Irene Bae for the next few days set off a fuse within her.

 

She barely registered the Korean curse that slipped from before she downed the rest of her drink and placed the glass, empty but for the half melted ice cubes, on the counter roughly.

 

“Bad day at work?” The girl next to her spoke, in Korean this time.

 

Wendy nodded, the burn in distracting her from the burning dread in her stomach. She stuffed her phone back into her pocket, determined to enjoy the last few hours before she was faced with her worst nightmare.

 

“It’s going to get worse tomorrow.”

 

The other girl barked out a laugh. Maybe it was because she had gotten used to the American culture because the volume barely startled her. She wondered if it was the first time the girl felt free enough to laugh like that.

 

“Well,” The brunette continued. “My boss is flying in tomorrow so I guess we’re in the same boat.”

 

There was a metallic squeak as the girl shifted to the seat next to Wendy.

 

Up close, Wendy could see the shimmer of her makeup. She had a cat-like gleam in her eyes that seemed all the more prominent as the lights cast a glow on her face that turned from blue, to pink, to green and red.

 

The glass in her hand was raised towards her.

 

“To our one last night of fun before hell starts?”

 

Wendy scoffed lightly, but she was biting back a smile. She signalled to the bartender to pour her another glass and turned back to the smirking stranger.

 

One more drink couldn’t hurt.

 

~~

 

Wendy woke up on her bed, her pounding head a painful reminder that one more drink could and would definitely hurt if it led to another.

 

Blinking her dry eyes, Wendy glanced down to verify that she had, in fact, fallen asleep wearing the clothes she had been wearing last night. She exhaled in slight relief. Despite being single, Wendy wasn’t the type to bring people home on a whim. Searching her memories from the night before, she briefly remembered bidding goodbye to the tall, pretty stranger at the station and telling her to get back safe.

 

She ran her tongue across her chapped lips and rubbed her eyes again.

 

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, willing her body to rid itself of the lethargy that accompanied her hangover. Her limbs still felt like they weighed a ton.

 

It took a few moments for Wendy to register the vibrations on her bedside table, the incessant noise accompanied by a familiar ringtone.

 

She frowned. The blaring alarm didn’t sound like the ringtone she normally set for herself in the morning.

 

Reaching across the bed, she realised it wasn’t her alarm, but an incoming call from her supervisor. She glanced at the time and felt a cold terror force her barely awake body out of bed.

 

She had slept through her first alarm; as well as the next four alarms that she had set as a backup plan. As a result, she had completely missed the mandatory pre-photoshoot set up and briefing.

 

Essentially, Wendy was screwed.

 

She mentally calculated how much time she had left to reach the airport before she would have to submit her resignation letter. If she left the house within five minutes, she would be less than ten minutes late to pick up Irene and her team. If she was lucky, they would need to wait for their luggage and take some time to get through the immigration checkpoint. Hence, she might actually make it to the meeting point before they realise her tardiness.

 

Hurriedly, Wendy yanked on the first shirt she could find, along with a light grey coat that had been hanging in her closet. She leaped over the edge of the bed to find a pair of pants in her drawer, clamouring over her spilled belongings from where she dropped her bag after coming home the night before.

 

She stuffed an energy bar into as she swung her camera bag across her shoulder, mentally checking if she had everything. Everything she needed was either in her bag or at the studio. Wendy thanked her past sober self for making arrangements for the external equipment to be sent to the studio beforehand and charging her camera in preparation for the work week.

 

With that, she rushed out of the apartment and hailed a cab.

 

Her stomach was churning due to the hangover and the lack of proper food. She leaned back against the seat and gritted her teeth, hoping that the pain would pass soon enough. She didn’t have time to get aspirin for her headache so she would probably have to make a quick stop at the pharmacy during their lunch break.

 

To distract herself from thinking about her discomfort, Wendy opened her phone to go through her unread notifications. There was a message from Seulgi, which she decided to reply.

 

Seulgi was an old friend; one of the few people connected to her past in Korea whom she still chose to keep in contact with. They had drifted ever since Wendy moved to L.A. but they kept up a routine of monthly check-ins that made her feel nostalgic towards the things she left behind.

 

She had been upset when she found out that Seulgi had gotten closer to Joohyun in her absence. However, it wasn’t as though she could blame her. She was miles away and in an entirely different time zone, which made even video calls difficult to schedule.

 

The three of them had been inseparable throughout college, even before her and Joohyun started seeing one another. She had always been there for both of them, ever the supportive best friend who would listen to both sides of every quarrel and side with neither. It made sense that after things between them fell apart, Seulgi was caught in the middle and had to tiptoe around the subject.

 

There was a period, immediately after their breakup, where Joohyun went off the radar. Despite having unfollowed Joohyun on social media, Wendy was still concerned. However, some time after Wendy finalised her move to the States, she noticed the familiar username appear a few times as photo credits in Seulgi’s pictures. By the time Seulgi posted the first picture with Joohyun after many months, time and distance had already numbed most of her heartbreak.

 

While she was happy that their breakup hadn’t affected Seulgi and Joohyun’s friendship too badly, it stung a little to see them together and remember that things would never go back to how they used to be.

 

She scrolled to their latest conversation.

 

Seulgi was telling her about the blind date her colleague had set her up on last week. According to her, her date was lacklustre, completely uninterested in her life until she mentioned that she was a dancer.

 

She smiled and typed out a response to the other girl.

 

It crossed her mind that Wendy wasn’t exactly the best person to ask for advice, considering she had yet to have a serious relationship since Joohyun.

 

Putting physical distance between her past and her present and starting over had been the first step. People always said the first step was the hardest. Yet, there was nothing easier about any step after that.

 

The girl from the night before flickered across her mind as a possibility. There was a small part of her which ran scenarios of what would have happened if she had gotten her number and started texting her. She could have at least made a new friend.

 

However, all her thoughts came to a screeching halt as she reached the boarding gate. There was already a crowd forming at the exit; people waiting for their loved ones to clear immigration, or businessmen waiting for their clients to arrive. Wendy supposed she was closer to the latter than the former. She glanced at the flight details in her hand.

 

Irene Bae’s flight was supposed to have landed a few minutes ago. Given her calculations, she had about one minute to spare. She took a step forward, trying to peek over the crowd to check for familiar faces, only to feel herself meeting resistance.

 

“Ah, excuse-“ The girl she had collided into whipped around, a face full of makeup and a ferocious glare aimed at her. A glare which, unfortunately, was all too familiar.

 

She must have been half asleep not to have noticed that her new client was right in front of her.

 

Joohy- No, Irene, she reminded herself.

 

Wendy tried in vain to console herself that being rendered speechless in front of Irene Bae was probably relatively common.

 

Her apology dying on her tongue, Wendy could only take in the obvious difference in the other girl. The intensity of her stare didn’t diminish despite them making eye contact. It didn’t scare her though. The older girl had always been known for her icy glare. What unnerved her was the complete lack of recognition in her eyes.

 

She wasn’t sure if it was due to the years that had elapsed since their last meeting, but the girl in front of her wasn’t Bae Joohyun. She couldn’t be. The Joohyun she remembered was warm, kind and passionate about the things she loved. Wendy had been fortunate, even if it was for a temporary period, to have been one of them.

 

Looking at her now, it was that much easier to separate the renowned CEO and actress, Irene Bae, from the Joohyun in her memories. Back then, she was just Joohyun, but that alone was more than enough to take Wendy’s breath away and render her a stumbling mess on a regular basis.

 

“Miss Bae! I told you to wait for our contact to arrive-“ Another familiar voice, accompanied by the clacking of high heels, came from behind them.

 

“Wait… I remember you.” The tall brunette from the night before was suddenly in front of her. Wendy blinked, startled at the turn of events. The girl gave her a once over, clearly holding back a laugh. “You’re the photographer in charge of the shoot?”

 

Wendy took that as her cue to make her introduction. Clasping her hands, she quickly bowed.

 

“Hello, my name is Wendy Son, and I’m going to be the photographer in charge of this feature.” Her Korean was slightly wobbly from the lack of use, but she was grateful to have gotten a little refresher from her conversation last night. “I look forward to working with you, so please take care of me.”

 

“Ah, you don’t have to be so formal. We’re in the States now.” The tall brunette gestured for her to stand up and shook her hand as soon as she did.

 

“I’m Park Sooyoung, Miss Bae’s personal assistant. It’s nice to finally get your name, Wendy-ssi.” Wendy recognised the name from the file. Park Sooyoung was listed as the main contact for Irene’s company and all instructions or changes would need to run through her.

 

She looked up to see a smirk on the brunette’s face as Sooyoung lifted her phone towards her; Wendy’s contact name already on display. “Looks like I didn’t need to ask for your number after all.”

 

Wendy laughed awkwardly and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

 

As though the introductions weren’t bad enough, not only did Irene not return the gesture of introducing herself, but she barely waited for Wendy to finish speaking before she turned to address the people behind her.

 

Wendy’s mouth fell open in shock before she could stop herself. She wasn’t sure whether the older girl recognised her, but either way, her response wasn’t the level of professionalism she had been expecting from an A-list celebrity and a CEO.

 

Even if they were no longer a part of one another’s lives, it felt like a slap to the face to be blatantly ignored in a professional situation.

 

Sooyoung seemed to sense her discomfort because the other girl linked her arm through hers without any warning. Wendy’s eyes widened and she squirmed on instinct. Before Wendy could break away, Sooyoung spoke again.

 

“Sorry about the boss.” She tilted her head discreetly towards the CEO. “It’s not you. She likes to limit her interactions to the necessary people.”

 

“Ah…” Wendy feigned understanding with a nod, hoping that Irene’s personal assistant wouldn’t notice her eyes darting to the CEO’s back.

 

“I mean, that’s kind of why I got hired in the first place, so I shouldn’t be complaining.” Sooyoung shrugged. She nudged Wendy’s side pointedly. “Although, I have to admit, when I said we were in similar situations, I didn’t realise how similar the situation was.”

 

Sooyoung trailed off, but she sounded nervous.

 

“Rest assured, whatever we discussed last night will stay between us.” Wendy reassured readily, mentally sighing in relief when the other girl relaxed.

 

“Thanks, I appreciate that. Oh, actually…” The talker girl paused, and then her face moved closer to hers. For a moment, Wendy wondered if her agreement was too quick for someone who had nothing to hide.

 

However, her doubts were cleared when Sooyoung smiled. “I just remembered that you’re older than me by two years. Can I call you unnie from now on?”

 

Wendy tried to disguise her relief behind a cough. “Sure.”

 

“If you’re ready to do your job, you might consider to stop wasting our time, Miss Park.” A chilly voice cut through her momentary respite.

 

Wendy cursed herself for forgetting that Joohyun had the ability to sneak up on her without making a sound. Beside her, Sooyoung straightened her back in such a way that she looked even taller than her actual height, which was a feat in itself. If Sooyoung were a cat, the fur on her spine would be standing ramrod straight.

 

The younger girl unlinked their arms as though she had been electrocuted.

 

She turned towards her boss, but didn’t make eye contact. Her eyes remained trained on Irene’s skirt. Wendy thought that was a smart move.

 

She had always maintained that Joohyun’s eyes had some magical properties. Looking at her for too long would cause anyone to fall in love with her. Whenever Joohyun got angry with her, Wendy had the urge to look anywhere but her eyes because making eye contact would mean feeling double the heartbreak.

 

In a way, Wendy found a strange sense of comfort in knowing that there was something about Irene that reminded her of Joohyun. While watching someone else squirm under her ex girlfriend’s stare wasn’t exactly unfamiliar, but Wendy felt bad for her new friend. It was partially her fault for distracting Sooyoung anyway.

 

“Right, um,” She pretended to glance at her phone, as though she had just received a message. “The studio just gave us the all clear, so we should make our way there so we can start the shoot on time.”

 

She was never meant to be an actress, but the slight relief and gratefulness on Sooyoung’s features when the younger girl looked over at her made her effort worthwhile.

 

Thankfully, the transport team was on schedule and the group headed to the studio without much hassle after that.

 

~~

 

Son Seungwan was a professional photographer. Or rather, she had been trying to be.

 

She spent countless years training and improving herself, doing gigs and taking on challenges to improve her portfolio, all in the hopes of gaining recognition as a photographer. Somehow, she struck gold in Los Angeles, and her reputation had been steadily growing in the industry.

 

At least, until now.

 

She couldn’t believe how the shoot was going. Frankly, Seungwan was about to slap herself for all the rookie mistakes she was making. The last time she made a mistake with manual focus was when she was doing her first internship.

 

Yet, here she was, stumbling over her words, flustered in her attempts to advise her model. Granted, the model was Irene Bae, but it didn’t give her the excuse to act like a first-timer.

 

Irene was not helping, as expected, but at least she wasn’t being stubborn and making things worse. In fact, she hadn’t said so much as a word to her since the shoot began.

 

She didn’t respond verbally when Wendy requested for her to look to the side or change positions. Unlike the other models she worked with, Irene didn’t seem to have an opinion. She didn’t even ask to look at the test shots, nor did she display any interest in selecting the photographs for executive approval.

 

Irene Bae simply followed instructions with a look of boredom on her face that switched to intense and fierce when the camera lens was pointed in her direction. Wendy didn’t know if she should be disappointed or relieved when her director finally called for a break to change the set.

 

The break seemed to have given her a confidence boost. Perhaps she had also gotten used to Irene’s nonchalant head tilts and the gaps of silence between her suggestions and Irene’s compliance. Either way, she found herself growing in confidence and settling into her photographer mode.

 

She stopped seeing Irene Bae as Joohyun, and as just a regular model who wasn’t up for conversation. This time, when she gave instructions to the other girl, her voice didn’t waver.

 

By the time she heard her director call out a break for the team to set up at the second location, she was feeling a lot more like her normal self.

 

What surprised her was the small crowd that had gathered behind her while she worked. The group was mostly made up of members of Irene’s team for the photoshoot. Wendy half expected them to be touching up Irene’s makeup in between takes, but they stood quietly, simply watching. It slightly puzzled her, although she didn’t feel the need to make a comment. It could just be the way Irene ran her company, she figured.

 

She didn’t pay too much attention to the spectators. After all, she had other things to be happy about.

 

They were nearly done with the first day’s schedule, which meant she was one day closer to finishing the feature and never seeing Irene again. The thought gave her peace of mind that her life would soon go back to normal, despite the momentary upheaval she got from seeing her ex again.

 

Joohyun always ended up making things more complicated than they were. It didn’t matter how much Wendy tried; Joohyun still found a way to turn something simple into an issue. It was one of the reasons their relationship was doomed.

 

After moving to the States and creating a new life for herself, things became different. Yet, somehow, even as Irene, she still managed to weasel her way back into her life and complicate matters for her.

 

Wendy was on her way to retrieve a new set of memory cards when she overheard a familiar name being discussed. She recognised one voice as Irene’s personal assistant, so she slowed her steps.

 

“Yerin-ah, do you think our boss is sick?”

 

Wendy caught a glimpse of light brown hair tied into a ponytail behind the pillar.

 

Sooyoung had longer hair, and Wendy distinctly remembered seeing her with her hair down so it had to be the girl she was speaking to. “You gave her motion sickness pills on the way here right?”

 

“If she was nauseous, don’t you think we would have found out about it by now?” Sooyoung retorted with a grimace. “My head wouldn’t be attached to my shoulders, for one.”

 

“That’s true… Maybe it’s the air.” The lighter haired girl suggested. “She’s been like this ever since she stepped off the plane.”

 

“So, being in America suddenly made our Irene Bae a nicer person?”

 

“Well, I’ve not been to as many shoots as you’ve been, but I’ve never seen CEO Bae at a shoot where she didn’t lose her temper at the photographer.”

 

There was a clap as Sooyoung suddenly gasped loudly. “Right!”

 

“So it wasn’t just me who noticed that Miss Bae didn’t make any snarky comment whatsoever today.”

 

“No, it was definitely unusual.”

 

“Mm, I thought so too. And considering our photographer seems younger and less experienced, I would have expected worse.” The other girl mentioned. Wendy felt a tinge of annoyance at the jab, but she admitted that in terms of qualifications, she was probably a lot less experienced as compared to other photographers they worked with.

 

“Remember the runway photographer we had last week?”

 

“You mean the one who got his head torn off for asking Miss Bae to “tilt her head more promiscuously”?” Wendy could see the younger girl making air quotes as she spoke. She frowned. The girl they were speaking about didn’t sound like the girl she had just been working with.

 

“Maybe Miss Bae has a soft spot for the shy ones…” Sooyoung added, before the two girls broke off into giggles.

 

“Well, we still have a couple of days here, so let’s hope her good mood continues for the rest of the trip.” Yerin grinned. “She might even let us have an afternoon off to shop for souvenirs.”

 

There was a distinct snort after that. “Yerin-ah, there’s a thin line between hope and absurdity. After working with Miss Bae for three years, I can say that’s never happening.”

 

“Ah, speak of the devil.” The taller girl looked down at her phone. She made a face before she answered the phone.

 

“Yes, Miss Bae?” There was a pause as she listened to her boss before Sooyoung looked at Yerin apologetically. “Yes, we’re on the way back, Yerin-ssi was having a stomach ache… I understand, Miss Bae.”

 

The shorter girl rolled her eyes in a way that told Wendy it wasn’t the first time this situation was happening. Yet, she obediently followed behind Sooyoung as the other girl began walking back towards the set.

 

Wendy waited for their footsteps to fade entirely before emerging from her spot. She stared after the direction the two girls disappeared to, wondering what she had just heard.

 

~~

 

“Seungwan-ah, are you still asleep?”

 

Wendy could have sworn she had heard the voice somewhere.

 

It was like an echo of the past, sweet and carefree. It made Wendy want to continue dreaming.

 

“Seungwan,” the bed dipped slightly and she felt the warmth of another body press against her leg teasingly. Wendy groaned at the intrusion but the melodic voice continued. “I told you that we shouldn’t have slept so late last night.”

 

“Do you need me to tickle you?”

 

She continued to feign sleep, despite the temptation to open her eyes. There was a distinct pressure over her blanket now. She could almost picture the other girl leaning over her, ready to do as she had promised.

 

A second passed with neither girl moving. Then, the weight drew back, and Wendy could just feel the other girl moving further away from her.

 

“Aww, looks like I’ll have to eat the delicious pancakes I made for our anniversary all by myself. What a shame.”

 

With that, the mattress dipped again and Wendy heard the sound of footsteps retreating on the wooden floor.

 

“You know, I’ve always known we weren’t exactly compatible.”

 

The sound of the door closing made Wendy jolt up. Her actions were meant to tease, but something about the other girl’s words and walking away struck a familiar fear in her heart.

 

She had gone through this before.

 

Joohyun wasn’t coming back.

 

She had to go after her- no, stop her, before she left.

 

Why weren’t her limbs moving?

 

Wendy felt like lead in quicksand, her body sinking into the mattress, but she tried to twist herself out of slumber regardless.

 

She had to say something, anything, to stop her.

 

All she had to do was open to scream.

 

“Wait, Joohyun-“

 

Her voice was raspy from lack of use. Surging forward, she reached out to try and stop Joohyun from leaving, but was promptly met with a cool blast of air above the blanket.

 

The room was still surrounding her.

 

Panicking, she felt the strain of holding back her tears as she tried to move her unresponsive body.

 

It took minutes before she could place a shaking hand over her chest.

 

Why couldn’t she open her eyes?

 

Wendy suddenly paused, blinking. Her eyes were open; the room was just completely dark. That was the first sign that something was amiss.

 

The sheets around her were cold. She smoothed her hand back on the blanket, her mind registering that they were smooth, unlike the rumpled ones from her dream. Her shoulders slumped when she realised she was alone and had been the entire night.

 

Joohyun had been a dream.

 

In some ways, maybe she always was.

 

However, it had been a long time since the other girl had made an appearance in her dreams. Her presence in Wendy’s unconscious mind had been a recurrence, especially during the first few weeks and months after their breakup.

 

In some sense, it would have been easier if all of them were nightmares.

 

Instead, it was a new form of torture to see moments that seemed like they were directly copied from her memories on first glance, but upon second thought, the differences between dream Seungwan and Joohyun and her real memories became more jarring. It ranged from small touches as greetings, to fights they never had, to dates they never went to and even a mix of both. Each time, she would wake up in a state of panic, her heart hammering wildly at the thought of Joohyun and her disarming smile. However, realising that it was a dream wasn’t the hardest part.

 

It was in the moments after, where her mind forced her body to calm down amidst the confusion, when she would be taken back to the timeline of events and remember exactly how things unfolded. That was the most painful part, and the part that Wendy wanted to leave behind for good.

 

Inhale, count to three. Exhale, count to three.

 

It’s not real. She’s not here.

 

Inhale.

 

It was difficult enough for her to reconcile her life without Joohyun even without the reminders of the things they had always wanted to do together. It came to a point where Wendy had to pack everything that reminded her of Joohyun into a box and ship it back to Korea before she finally felt like she could let go of the past little by little.

 

It had taken months but she still remembered the first time she slept through the night without waking up in tears.

 

The rays of sunshine that illuminated her room felt like the beginning of a new chapter.

 

Wendy sighed. The warmth from her exhale condensing against her cold hands. It was a stark reminder that this, this dark empty room, was reality.

 

Her life wasn’t perfect, but Wendy had healed sufficiently enough to move on and build a new path for herself.

 

One that didn’t include Joohyun.

 

Yet, she found her way back anyway.

 

“Why did you have to come back?” Her shaky whisper echoed in the darkness as her head fell into her hands.

 

~~

 

Although half asleep, she arrived at the location set for the photoshoot with a few minutes to spare.

 

Stifling a yawn, Wendy made her way around the location to check on the staff and set up. Her supervisor had chosen a secluded garden and paid extra for the area to be sectioned off for half a day. They were really going all out with their budget for this shoot, so the pressure on this feature to be a success was immense.

 

Listening to the frantic directions of the supervisor, she felt sorry for the newer staff. They were not used to the speed and intensity that came along with these types of shoots.

 

Wendy was just glad she was only the photographer and not taking lead for the interview as well. It was already a struggle to keep her composure and professionalism with the camera lens between them; she wouldn’t have a chance if they were forced to have an actual conversation.

 

However, Wendy could only comply when she was tasked by her boss to gather opinions on the developed prints from the photoshoot. Thankfully, she remembered that Sooyoung was there to rescue her for the initial selection, so she didn’t have to go through each decision with Irene directly.

 

She scanned the crowd of staff members in the area, mentally looking out for a tall girl.

 

She finally found Sooyoung standing amongst a group of girls, but Wendy spotted her easily due to her height. The long haired brunette waved her over as soon as their eyes met.

 

“Unnie! Come here for a bit.” Wendy gave her a smile, once again thanking her lucky stars that she had met Sooyoung before the photoshoot.

 

The group made room for her once they noticed her approaching. Wendy recognised a couple of faces as Irene’s stylist and make up artist. The girl Sooyoung had been speaking to before, Yerin, was amongst them.

 

On instinct, she bowed to them apologetically for interrupting their conversation; something which Sooyoung dismissed as unnecessary.

 

It crossed her mind that it had been a while since she bowed so many times in a day. The habit had been considered unnecessarily formal when she first arrived in the States, but it also garnered her recognition as a professional and well mannered photographer.

 

Wendy hence found that while she became more discerning regarding the situations where bowing was necessary, the amount of clients who requested her for schedules grew.

 

She was arms length from Sooyoung when the other girl took the file from her outstretched hand.

 

Wendy expected her to look through the pictures and give her an idea of what their proposal should consider. However, the file lay forgotten on the seat behind them as Sooyoung took her phone out.

 

“Unnie, you’re good at English. What do you think my English name should be?” Wendy had half a mind to return her focus to the file, but on second thought, she needed a distraction from work, especially when the said work concerned Irene Bae.

 

“Why do you need an English name?” She asked instead.

 

“Well, if Miss Bae makes contacts in America, then it would be useful for me to have an English name for ease of communication.” Sooyoung shrugged. She lifted her phone screen to Wendy, screenshots of her options on display.

 

“What do you think of these?”

 

The older girl squinted, her eyes darting over the names and their origins. After each name, she tried to picture Sooyoung answering to it. None of them were fitting.

 

Finally, she looked the other girl in the eyes.

 

“What do you want to be known for?” It was an abstract question; one that she had asked some of her models. It was one of her tricks to get natural and personal shots of the model.

 

Ask a question, let them ponder over it and have their mind wander. The expressions that flit over their faces were a mixture of emotions and thought. In a way, capturing those expressions was like capturing the subject as their truest selves.

 

She remembered the first few times when she was struck by how beautiful Joohyun looked when the older girl was lost in thought. She rarely took candid shots at the time, but she felt the urge to preserve her memory of Joohyun and her fascination with capturing candid expressions only grew from there.

 

Sooyoung had a similar expression on her face. “Cheerful? No, that’s not it.”

 

She frowned, an arm crossed over the other. “I want to be remembered as someone who makes others happy with my presence.”

 

The name was already on the tip of her tongue before Wendy verbalised her thoughts. “What about Joy?”

 

“Joy… Joy Park…” Sooyoung parroted, testing the name. It must have passed her test because she broke into a beam that rivalled the word itself. “I like it.”

 

Someone cleared their throat behind them, which caused the entire group to fall silent and freeze, including Wendy.

 

“We may not be in Korea, but it doesn’t mean you’re on vacation.”

 

The girls had their eyes trained on the ground.

 

“I should hope that for the rest of the trip, your conduct be fitting to represent the company.” Irene’s voice was soft, but it carried an air of danger which sounded more like a veiled threat to anyone listening.

 

After a chorus of affirmations and terrified nods, the crowd dispersed.

 

All except for Wendy, of course, who still hadn’t gotten the feedback she had been looking for.

 

She turned back to grab her file and chase down Irene’s assistant, only to find that the file was already in Irene’s hands.

 

Wendy felt her heart drop from her chest and sink into a chasm. Irene was inspecting every single picture with an intense gaze she wished she wasn’t familiar with. She really should have asked Sooyoung when she had the chance.

 

Shifting her weight slightly from one foot to the other, she waited for the criticism to come.

 

“It’s fine.”

 

Wait, what?

 

Wendy blinked. Finally looking up, she was met with an unreadable gaze from Irene.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Irene’s stare didn’t waver as she handed the file back to her. For some reason, her lack of emotion scared Wendy more than her glare.

 

“I see no need to make adjustments to the selection.” The CEO stated in that calm, cool tone she employed when dealing with her employees.

 

It was starting to feel all too familiar, much to Wendy’s chagrin. She thought of a time when Irene was still Joohyun, when the older girl was still figuring out what she wanted to do with her career. She was steadfast in her dealings, accepting honest work and refusing any underhanded deals. She had witnessed Joohyun deal with complacent remarks with an air of professionalism and coldness, much like how she was speaking to her.

 

“Thanks…” On instinct, Wendy looked away when she took the file from the other girl. She felt something brush her fingers but it was gone before she knew what was happening.

 

She was about to say something else, when she realised she was now facing Irene’s retreating back as the CEO headed towards her crew.

 

Although, the longer she looked, the more she saw of Joohyun, instead of CEO Irene Bae. It was in the way her shoulders sagged gently despite the regal way she carried herself. Wendy recalled late nights where she would emerge from the bedroom to see the older girl scanning pages of reports with a similar exhaustion setting in. It made her heart ache then as it did now.

 

That heart of hers was always her weak point. Joohyun had said so herself, during one of their idle conversations one day. It should have been meant as a concern, but it sounded more like an insult and it left a bad taste in Wendy’s throat.

 

Truth be told, that should have been a warning sign; one of the many that came her way, at least. Yet, ironically, because of her silly lovesick heart, she chose to believe that Joohyun, the girl she had known and loved for years, had her best interests in mind and would not do anything to hurt her.

 

Right until the day before she was bound for the States, she continued to hold on to that belief.

 

When Joohyun told her she had an audition for a part in an upcoming film, Wendy had encouraged her to stay. The trip was only supposed to last a couple of days, for her to introduce her portfolio and have an interview with the head of a reputable company. She hadn’t seen it as a problem. Joohyun’s dreams and aspirations were important to her and as her girlfriend, she wanted to support her in any way she could.

 

Yet, that one decision had apparently been the last straw for Joohyun.

 

Wendy’s world was shattered within minutes, even though she continued to feel the pain of shards that embedded themselves into her for hours and days after.

 

“I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think we should stop seeing one another.”

 

“What? Why?” Struggling to process the words, Wendy nearly lost her grip on her passport. Joohyun really picked the moment she was about to reach for the doorknob to have this conversation. Timing was never her strong point. “I thought we were doing fine.”

 

A sigh. Something that Wendy had been hearing way too often as of late. Somewhere along the way, Joohyun’s sighs stopped carrying a layer of fondness and mainly sounded like resignation.

 

“We haven’t been even close to fine in months… It’s been hard for both of us. Aren’t you tired, Seungwan?” Wendy took in the lines of exhaustion on the other girl’s face. It made her heart sink.

 

“It doesn’t mean we can’t work through things.” Wendy had argued. She was trying for the job so that they didn’t have to worry about finances and Joohyun was free to pursue acting.

 

Another sigh.

 

“I really didn’t want to say this, but we’re just not compatible, Seungwan-ah. There’s no point denying the reality of our situation. We haven’t been compatible for a while and it’s not worth it when both of us are miserable.” The other girl had said softly, almost too gently, as though she was talking to a child.

 

Wendy blinked, unsure how to respond.

 

Sure, they had been having fights ad disagreements, but they had always made up. For her to use the word “miserable” implied that Joohyun might have felt differently about the relationship for a while.

 

Her mind flashed to the previous few arguments, all of which had ended without much fanfare. At the time, she had thought that it was a mutual agreement that they should not let small arguments ruin their relationship. However, maybe Joohyun had never been on the same page. She was just too blind to see it.

 

“Besides,” The other girl shifted her weight, her arms folded in front of her chest. “We’re both moving to different stages of our careers. We shouldn’t let this drag us down. We’ve had a couple of good years together and we’ve tried our best to make things work. So, let’s live happily on our own paths from now on, shall we?”

 

At the time, Wendy couldn’t understand how she could sound so calm while breaking someone’s heart like this. If she could say such things so easily, maybe Joohyun never really loved her at all. Upon looking back though, she realised Joohyun had probably been waiting to say that for a long time.

 

“You know this just as well as I do.” There was a small shift in her gaze, imploring Wendy to agree.

 

Did she though?

 

They had been together for years. Wendy had always thought that they were just going through a rough patch. Joohyun had always been endgame for her. Was it wrong for her to have wanted things to get better?

 

They had remained like that, standing in tense silence, for a few seconds. The unasked questions hanging in between them.

 

There were a million things Wendy wanted to say. Things that might have hurt either or both of them in the process or made things better. Either way, the outcome remained a mystery because Wendy had a plane to catch and her brain wasn’t functioning properly at 4am. Hence, she did what Joohyun always did; tell her that they would talk later once things settle down.

 

The final nail in the coffin, as though her heart hadn’t been broken enough, was hammered into her when she returned from her trip, somewhat hoping that the past few days were part of a nightmare.

 

She had come home, or rather, the place she had thought of as their home, to tell Joohyun the news of her success. Instead of opening the door and feeling like she was finally where she belonged, she was faced with something completely unfamiliar.

 

Their shared apartment had been cleared out, leaving no trace of anything that remotely resembled Joohyun’s presence. It was as though her girlfriend, newly turned ex-girlfriend, had deliberately erased every last memory of their time together.

 

The gravity finally hit her when she found the albums that Joohyun used to painstakingly put together. It had been their tradition. Every year, they would take a couple of pictures to commemorate their year as a couple. As a photographer, Wendy was more particular about the technical aspects of the photographs. Joohyun, despite Wendy’s insistence that photograph prints would fade over time, just wanted to have copies made and placed into an album for her collection.

 

Said albums that were, currently, empty; devoid of traces of use.

 

The portfolio she was holding fell to the floor morosely, the contents spilling out even though Wendy lacked the energy to pick them up. She spotted the traces of black hair against the wooden floor and felt the first drops of tears trickle out.

 

It was one of the reasons Wendy was excited to tell Joohyun about her interview. The interviewer had requested for candid people shots; she was interviewing for a magazine publishing company after all. Most of her candid shots were of Joohyun so she selected a few for her portfolio. Little did she know how well received they would be and how big a part they played in landing her the job.

 

That was the moment Wendy finally curled up on the cold sofa and cried until sleep claimed her. When she woke up, the new day had already begun.

 

She boarded the next flight back to the States without bothering to unpack. After all, she didn’t have anything to lose in Korea anymore. If Joohyun was already ready to start her life without her then it was time Seungwan took that step of her own. Changing her name to Wendy and signing the lease to her new apartment in the States just made her decision official and final.

 

Making the move to another continent was, surprisingly, the easier decision as compared to moving on.

 

It had taken months for her to stop blaming herself for the end of her longest relationship. Finally, she had put everything behind her. Yet, with Joohyun’s inadvertent presence, she could feel the familiar clenching in her heart. It was a curse, almost. She didn’t want to feel that way for someone who broke her so easily.

 

Hence, instead of watching Joohyun leave like she was used to seeing in her dreams, Wendy swivelled on her heel and walked in the opposite direction without looking back.

 

With that, she was finally done with her involvement of the photoshoot.

 

Or so she thought.

 

~~

 

“Wendy, do you have a minute?”

 

Nodding, she found herself following her supervisor into the meeting room while everyone else took a break from the photoshoot. With every step, she could feel a familiar sense of foreboding as possible scenarios played out in her head.

 

“Was anything wrong with my pictures?” Wendy ran a hand through her hair and bit her lip nervously. She glanced towards the folder in her supervisor’s hands, wondering if there was something she missed with the angles or lighting.

 

She normally didn't make mistakes, but this was Irene after all. With the mistakes she had been making during their first shoot, she didn't trust herself either. Thankfully, her supervisor knew her well enough to know where her brain was heading to.

 

“Your pictures were good as always, Wendy.” She felt her shoulders relax at his reassurance. She had just as much to worry about as the company when it came to this particular photoshoot.

 

“It’s just- I think there was something… different about your style this time.”

 

“Different?” She tilted her head with a frown. “How so?”

 

“Don’t get me wrong, your pictures are always professional, but in the pictures you submitted previously, you never fail to capture some aspect of the model’s personality. Is there something different about this photoshoot in particular?”

 

His comment took Wendy aback but she was quick to deny his allegation. She could have stopped there, but Wendy being Wendy, resolved to prove otherwise.

 

That was how she ended up saddled with a camera, scanning the vicinity for her ex-girlfriend once again. Part of her was already regretting the decision, but the weight of her camera seemed to keep her spirit grounded and her mind focused.

 

She was here to do her job, just like Irene.

 

A quick glance told her that Irene had left the immediate vicinity. However, her staff were still around so it meant she was still on the premises.

 

It wasn’t meant to be a cold day, but the wind made her grateful that she brought along her coat. She tugged the grey collar slightly higher around her neck and steeled her nerves. A small thought crossed her mind that the Joohyun she remembered got cold easily, but she pushed it aside.

 

She found the CEO wandering around not too far away, which was both a relief and a source of stress. Wendy debated going up to her and informing her that she needed to take a few more candid shots, while the Seungwan in her flat out refused to admit to Irene that she needed something from her.

 

Raising her camera viewfinder to her eye, she chose neither option.

 

Seeing Irene in her camera lens was a lot better than up close and in person. For some reason, she looked more like Joohyun, gentle and caring, through her camera lens. It made taking candid shots that much easier. After all, Joohyun had always been her favourite subject.

 

She inhaled, heard the click of the shutter as she pushed the trigger, and exhaled as the shutter closed.

 

Shutter speed was a measurement of the amount of time the camera shutter stayed open, exposing the sensor to light from its surroundings.

 

As every photographer knew, dark atmospheres required slower shutter speeds and longer exposure in order for the camera to capture as much light from its surroundings as it could manage.

 

Using an overly slow shutter speed in a bright environment often resulted in an overexposed photograph. On the other hand, using a fast shutter speed in dim lighting would result in an underexposed photograph that showed nothing but darkness.

 

Looking at Joohyun made her feel like she was using a slow shutter speed and feeling every millisecond pass before the shutter closed. Any motion would have created a blur which could be art or disaster in the making.

 

In some aspects, maybe her relationship was like an overexposed or underexposed photograph; either because she had left herself vulnerable and exposed for too long, or Joohyun had closed herself off too quickly, before they could save the relationship.

 

In both cases, the photograph couldn’t be used and had to be discarded. Just like her relationship, there was nothing to be salvaged.

 

At least for the pictures she had just taken, that shouldn’t be the case.

 

Shaking her head to dispel the thoughts from crowding her mind, Wendy looked up towards her subject, only to realise that Irene was no longer standing amongst the flowers.

 

Pausing in her scrutiny of her pictures, she shut the camera down and made a move to backtrack from her position, only to come face to face with the said subject.

 

“I didn’t know you took up working for dispatch as a side business.” Irene said seriously. Her tone was even, which made the CEO seem even more intimidating.

 

“What?” Still reeling from the shock that Irene was actually speaking to her, Wendy didn’t immediately register the words that she actually said.

 

“Over here, it’s known as paparazzi, isn’t it?”

 

Oh, she was talking about that.

 

Embarrassed, Wendy shook her head vehemently. She had to say something to defend herself.

 

Even though Irene was new and a foreigner, her words had weight. If she made a formal complaint against her, Wendy would lose her job and everything she worked for. “Wait- no. You’ve got it wrong. It’s not- I’m not selling any-“

 

Irene didn’t say anything, but her raised brow was enough to halt her from continuing.

 

Frustrated at how her brain ceased to function around Irene, Wendy forced out a breath and mentally calmed herself down. She could speak normally. Irene wasn’t anything to her anymore.

 

“Look, Miss Bae, I’ll delete them if you want. It’s for the article.”

 

“I’m joking.” The smirk on her face suddenly reminded Wendy of when the older girl used to . She had always enjoyed making fun of her and Seungwan had just gone along with it because Joohyun’s laughter was worth every embarrassment. “Seems like moving here has caused you to lose your sense of humour.”

 

She felt her cheeks warm at the familiar way of speaking.

 

It was confusing. Irene was treating her as though the events that drove them apart were forgiven and forgotten.

 

Wendy briefly remembered a time before all of the hurt and exhaustion. Before something happened and Joohyun started withdrawing into herself; before she started feeling like every fight was a test to see if she would break.

 

She remembered a Joohyun that laughed freely and made tons of jokes around her. There were times when Joohyun would laugh so hard that the only way to stop her was to kiss her, which Seungwan always did. She could still remember how it felt when the other girl laughed against her lips.

 

She smiled bitterly at the memory that should have remained buried. That girl was long gone.

 

Irene was looking at her with an expression that could only be described as curiosity, waiting for her to say something.

 

“Well, you know,” she began with a shrug. “Things in America aren’t the same as in Korea.”

 

It was strange, speaking to Irene with a deliberately distant tone. However, it had to be done. She wasn’t the same person; neither was Irene.

 

Joohyun had chosen to let Seungwan go and give up on the relationship. As far as Wendy was concerned, their relationship was professional at best.

 

The model stayed quiet for a moment, the mirth leaving her eyes. She captured her bottom lip between her teeth as Wendy refrained from breaking the silence. Wendy counted to fifteen in her head before Irene spoke again.

 

“The last one…” She trailed off, making Wendy wonder if she had heard correctly.

 

“What did you say?”

 

Irene angled her eyes downwards. “The last picture you were looking at… It was nice.”

 

“Oh…” She wasn’t expecting that. “Thank you?”

 

Wendy thought she saw a glimmer of a smile on her lips before Irene cleared , but she figured it was a figment of her imagination.

 

“You don’t have to delete the pictures, by the way. You can keep them.” She continued. “But only for personal use.”

 

It took a moment for Wendy to realise what Irene was implying, which caused her to somehow choke on her own saliva.

 

“What?! Why would I even-“

 

“I mean, I don’t want those pictures in the magazine.” The older girl clarified calmly. Wendy suppressed the urge to huff in annoyance. There was an unspoken rule in the industry. If a client specifically stated that the pictures were not to be used, they would be held liable if they went against their wishes. Thankfully, she hadn’t told her boss about her plans so she didn’t have expectations to meet.

 

Wendy heard the soft crunch of the ground as Irene took a step towards her.

 

Looking up instinctively, Irene was suddenly much closer to her than she was comfortable with. Before she realised what was happening, she felt her collar getting tugged.

 

Seeing her intense gaze up close gave Wendy the urge to run in the opposite direction. However, it was due to their proximity that she noticed a moment where Irene’s eyes widened a fraction, before she schooled her features.

 

Taking the opportunity to make her discomfort known, Wendy opened and readied herself to step back. Yet, as quick as the moment started, Irene moved away. Wendy could finally breathe.

 

She could only hope the look on her face carried enough of her suspicion and confusion to convey her feelings to Irene, because words were failing her at the moment.

 

“It looks good on you.” Irene had that same look on her face. Wendy was beginning to dislike it, because seeing Irene look almost vulnerable was giving her over-thinking mind too much to go on. “I thought you’d thrown it out.”

 

Before she could respond, they were interrupted by a staff member panting up to them. Apparently, the crew was ready for the next part of the schedule.

 

Irene didn’t so much as glance back at Wendy as she followed the staff member towards the next location. The younger girl tried not to let it bother her as she reported back to her team.

 

The strangeness of the encounter resurfaced when she reached her apartment. She had lived alone ever since the breakup, but for some reason, the place seemed even more lonely that evening.

 

Reaching for the coat hanger, she paused when she noticed something.

 

The label had probably been showing since she tugged up her collar earlier that day.

 

She hardly looked twice at the coat since she almost never wore it. Hence, the label seemed like an insignificant part of the piece of clothing to pay attention to.

 

Until now, that is.

 

Her eyes widened when she realised the reason for the strange look on Irene’s face.

 

The label had the initials “S.S.W.” sewn into it.

 

Wendy absent-mindedly traced the neat letterings with her index finger.

 

Joohyun had been sewing initials under her labels since they were in school together. It was to prevent her uniforms from getting mixed up with other students’ when they had to change for physical education classes. At first, she had thought that the practice was troublesome. However, when someone swapped her class shirt as a joke, she realised the benefits of Joohyun’s way of protecting her belongings.

 

It slipped her mind that the coat had probably been a present from Joohyun at some point.

 

For the first time in a while, she took in the state of her closet. She briefly wondered how badly her ex-girlfriend would freak out if she saw the lack of organisation in her closet. Joohyun always arranged the clothes by categories and colour. Wendy had always gone along with it, despite not understanding her reasoning for it.

 

Sighing at her own foolishness, she gently pushed the closet doors shut and got ready for bed.

 

One thing was certain.

 

Despite their years together, Wendy didn’t understand Irene, and she probably never understood Joohyun as Seungwan either.

 

~~

 

At least she didn't dream at all that night. There was a sense of calmness when her thoughts simply faded into nothingness.

 

She got a strange call from Sooyoung the next morning, which nearly prompted her to make a trip down to the interview location.

 

“One question. How did you manage to seduce my boss in a day?”

 

“What?”

 

“Seriously, she’s turned down suitors who courted her for months. I’ve never seen her even bat an eye at some of the richest guys in the industry. What sort of magic powers do you have?”

 

She rubbed her temple, hoping that it would give her some clarity. It was really too early to be talking about Irene Bae. “Sooyoung-ah, I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

She heard a sound of disapproval from the younger girl before Sooyoung grunted in annoyance.

 

“Forget it. You’ll see soon enough.”

 

The next thing she heard was a click as the call ended.

 

“Strange girl, that one.” She muttered as she pushed herself out of bed to get started on her errands. She wasn’t going to get anymore sleep anyway.

 

~~~

 

Her job was technically done. All she had to do was wait for the courier to bring the finalised issue for her for a final check before it was sent for publishing.

 

Hence, seeing Irene Bae waiting outside her apartment came as a rude surprise.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

The model stared blankly at her for a few moments as though she wasn’t expecting her, which was decidedly odd since there was no way Irene would have known her new address.

 

She raised a thin, white package towards her almost hesitantly.

 

“I offered to be the one to pass this to you after our meeting.”

 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” She had to know. “You didn’t have to do all of this. We’re no longer a part of one another’s lives.”

 

“We’re not enemies. I don’t see why I need to treat you like one.”

 

Wendy glared. “You broke my heart and walked out of my life, and you expect me to welcome you back with open arms?”

 

“Do you even know how hard it was for me?” She burst out, unable to keep her words controlled any longer. Joohyun had left her, abandoned the relationship as though it was a sinking ship, while she had desperately tried to salvage things. “I spent weeks, months, trying to patch things up; hoping, waiting for you to do something and show me that this relationship meant something to you.”

 

Her hands were shaking but she balled them into fists to force some composure into herself.

 

“Instead, you did nothing, all those months. It’s like you were waiting for us to fall apart so that you could have an excuse to bail.”

 

“What did you expect me to do, Seungwan?”

 

“It’s Wendy now, Irene-ssi.” She seethed. It was probably not the best choice of words to say, since they were out of spite. However, it had reached a point where she could no longer be trusted to think clearly. She couldn't bear to hear her name called in the same manner. It was too familiar.

 

A crease appeared on the CEO’s forehead. A single crack on her otherwise blank expression.

 

“Fine, Wendy-ssi.”

 

The resignation in her voice was muted as compared to Wendy’s own b emotions, but ever so familiar that it brought her back to one of the biggest arguments they had. It was the only time that Joohyun had raised her voice towards her.

 

She couldn’t even remember what they had been fighting about. Her mind always focused on Joohyun and nothing else. With every glimpse of the disappointment etched onto her features, Seungwan had felt Joohyun slipping away like water flowing through her hands.

 

It took place during the last few months of the relationship, where every argument to Seungwan felt like she was the only one fighting for their relationship. She realised it only after the breakup, but somewhere along the way, they stopped having conversations. Wendy wasn’t sure of the exact reason, but Joohyun stopped sharing things with her. Instead, their longest conversations were when they argued.

 

The to-do list pinned on the fridge was constantly updated, with notes written for her benefit, and they texted one another with updates on whether they would be home for dinner. Perhaps that was why she didn’t notice that anything was amiss.

 

Quietly watching the girl in front of her, Wendy finally asked a question that had been bothering her.

 

“Why didn’t you ever talk to me about how you felt?”

 

Every attempt to bridge the gap between them ended up driving them further apart.

 

Even on the days where they didn’t fight, the atmosphere between them had lost its intimacy. They were best friends who could converse about anything and everything, or rather, they used to be. Yet, during the last few months of their relationship, she somehow couldn’t think of anything to start a conversation with.

 

On some days, even if she didn’t want to admit it, it didn’t feel like they were in a relationship.

 

Irene paused before asking a question instead.

 

“You never stopped to think about me at all, did you?”

 

“What are you talking about? Everything I did was FOR you!” She should have known that she would say something like this. Joohyun had difficulties being honest with her feelings. It was one of the reasons that motivated her to try harder, yet discouraged her at the same time.

 

The older girl shook her head lightly. “Seung- Wendy-ssi, it was more than that. You were so wrapped up in how you wanted things to be, that we couldn’t work on how things were. Most of the time, you weren’t even around because you were taking on extra jobs. How was I going to tell you that I didn't want things to continue like that?”

 

It wasn’t making any sense to her.

 

“You could have told me if I wasn’t meeting your needs. I loved you. I would have done anything for you.” Even if she was hurt, it would be better than going through the constant feeling of frustration and stress of not being good enough. It made the breakup that much harder for her, knowing that all her effort was for naught.

 

“Well, that was part of the problem.” Irene had a wry smile on her face. She wondered if this was the first time the older girl was even speaking about this. “How could I fault you for working when it was for my benefit? But… I didn't want that kind of relationship. Back then, I didn’t know who I was, much less who I wanted to be. I didn’t want you to change yourself, give up your dream and try to fit into something that suited me when I didn’t even know what I wanted. If we had continued down that path, we would both be lost.”

 

“I only took the jobs so that you would be able to concentrate on your dream.” She admitted quietly, her energy drained from the conversation.

 

“I know. But eventually, you were going to realise that you were giving up your own dream for the sake of someone else’s half baked one, and I didn’t want you to regret and hate me for it.” The older girl’s voice lost its authoritative and distant tone and for the first time since their reunion, sounded like the Joohyun she knew.

 

“I wasn’t going to hate you, Irene.” Wendy sighed. She didn’t know if admitting it would help either of them, but it felt slightly cathartic to say it out loud. “I still can’t hate you after what happened, what makes you think I could hate you back then?”

 

“I was… afraid.” From the pained look that clouded her expression, Wendy could tell that Irene was being honest. “I needed to find myself and create a path of my own before I could think of growing together with you.”

 

“So, why now?” She countered. “Why did you choose my company, out of all the others?”

 

She saw the moment Irene faltered. “Because I wanted to see you… and talk.”

 

The bark of laughter that escaped her lips surprised her own self. “You had practically years to call or text. You didn’t even leave a note before you eradicated your existence from our home.”

 

There was a grimace on her face that made Wendy stop herself from saying anything more.

 

“I’m-”

 

“Don’t say you’re sorry.” Wendy cut her off before she could finish her sentence, her tone sharper than she had intended. If there was anything she didn’t want to hear, it was another apology that came from the older girl. She had heard enough of that to last a lifetime.

 

Every time they fought, Joohyun would apologise and withdraw. She could practically sense the other girl’s retreat into herself. Hence, the conversation would end with the issue unresolved and Wendy unsatisfied.

 

It didn’t help that most of the people around her were in happy relationships and hadn’t encountered any of the issues she had.

 

Moreover, there was something about being Bae Joohyun’s girlfriend that prevented her from being able to talk about her problems.

 

Most of their acquaintances from school knew them as a couple and after being together for years, it was difficult for her to reveal things without feeling guilty.

 

Hence, she started gradually putting in less effort, hoping that Joohyun would somehow take notice and say something. Even starting an argument would have shown her that Joohyun still cared. Instead, when she stopped wishing Joohyun “good morning”, the older girl simply mirrored her actions without comment. When she stopped leaving an extra cup of tea on the counter in the morning, she came home to less home cooked meals and more take-out boxes on the table. Joohyun didn’t say a word about it. The fact almost hurt more than their actual arguments.

 

The fragmented memories sliced through her mind, like broken shards of a mirror. Even put together, the pieces would not be able to create an accurate reflection.

 

“I wasn’t lying. I really did want to see you.”

 

“I-“ Wendy had opened to speak, but this time, her interruption was promptly stopped by Irene’s firm hand.

 

“I know you can’t forgive me for how things ended between us, but I didn’t come here to fight with you, Wendy-ssi. I meant what I said that day, that I wanted the both of us to live happily even though we were apart.”

 

There was a short pause, as Irene went silent for a moment. “I know it doesn’t make anything better, but it wasn’t easy for me either. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I saw your company and thought I might have the chance to see you.”

 

Irene looked to the side awkwardly and clutched the sleeve of her cardigan. It was something that Joohyun used to do when she was nervous. That gave Wendy pause. Maybe she was being unreasonably harsh with her. Irene hadn’t done anything against her.

 

Wendy felt the pangs of guilt eat away at her at the reminder that Irene had been waiting outside for her. Perhaps Irene really didn't have any underlying intentions.

 

She sighed and tightened her grip on her bag strap. This wasn’t how she wanted things to be like. She didn’t want to be this person.

 

“I’ll walk you out.” She mumbled, leading the way towards the main entrance of the building complex in silence. She spotted the black van sitting in the driveway and remembered that knowing Irene, she had probably taken an extra detour to pass her the magazine.

 

She turned towards the other girl.

 

“Thanks, you know, for the magazine.”

 

The ends of her lips curved upwards in a small smile that was both familiar and new. “You’re welcome.”

 

“I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon.” Irene said after a few seconds. “I… I wanted to thank you for your hard work and say… goodbye.”

 

She knew intrinsically what Irene was saying this time. They didn’t get to say a proper goodbye before, so this was their chance for closure.

 

“Okay.” She answered finally.

 

This was it, then.

 

“I hope you have a safe flight, Miss Bae.” Wendy bowed stiffly as she watched Irene take her leave.

 

In her haste to enter the apartment, she nearly tripped on the magazine bound in white paper left by her doorstep.

 

“Oh, right.”

 

As part of the editorial team too, she was allowed to check through the final version of the issue before official publication.

 

A thought crossed her mind.

 

Was this what Sooyoung was talking about?

 

Scanning through the pages until she found the interview, her eyes caught on to the long paragraph in the middle, which was a sharp contrast to the other short answers.

 

‘I heard that you normally take a directive role when it comes to photoshoots featuring your line up. Since this is your first feature in the States too, was it difficult for you to adjust?’

 

‘Not really. I had faith in the team handling the photoshoot. We had a really good photographer because while most photographers see lines, angles, composition, contrast and dimension, Wendy Son sees beauty, emotions, passion and life, and weaves them into her photographs like a painting. Every one of her pictures has a piece of her heart and soul in it. I know even without checking, that the pictures will be more than suitable.’

 

‘Sounds like you have a history.’

 

‘She’s someone who built a dream and chased after it. That courage and determination is something I admire greatly and I will always support her dream if I have the chance.’

 

Wendy frowned. Her head was starting to hurt. Maybe her heart too.

 

Saying this kind of thing was something that was very Joohyun, which meant she was wrong about Irene too.

 

Glancing towards her computer, she reached for her phone and typed in a familiar contact.

 

After this, the chances of them meeting again were minuscule at best, but she didn’t want to leave things on a bad note. Not again.

 

She had to make things right.

 

~

 

Every instinct in her body was telling her that this was a bad idea. Everyone around them was decidedly from first class. It made Wendy, sitting in the lounge in a faded t-shirt and jeans, feel extremely out of place.

 

“Stop fidgeting. It’s annoying.” The voice came from the girl sitting calmly beside her.

 

“Sorry.”

 

Sooyoung rolled her eyes. It was admirable, honestly. The taller girl’s hands didn’t cease typing even as she turned towards Wendy to chide her.

 

“You’ve apologised three times in the last fifteen minutes. Don’t make me regret breaking the rules to get you in here.”

 

“Sor-“

 

If looks could kill, Wendy would have been dead. She now knew why Irene picked Sooyoung to be her personal assistant.

 

“If you apologise one more time, I’m telling security that you’re Miss Bae’s stalker and you threatened me into using my pass to get you in here.”

 

“You wouldn’t!”

 

“Hmm…” The younger girl smirked coyly.

 

“Park Sooyoung!” Wendy gasped in horror, which made the other girl giggle in childish delight.

 

“You’re too funny not to tease, unnie. It’s a pity you’re not on the market.”

 

Wendy felt a blush rising in her cheeks. “I’m not seeing anyone.”

 

Sooyoung didn't miss a beat. “Doesn’t mean you’re available.”

 

Before she could respond, however, the younger girl’s gaze flicked towards something at the corner of the room. The dark haired girl stood, her eyes parting from her phone screen to meet hers.

 

“You’re up, unnie. You have about five minutes before they call out our boarding number. Good luck.” A quirk of her lips was all the hint of amusement Wendy got before Sooyoung vanished from her line of sight.

 

She would have commented about how fast she disappeared but her attention was captured by Irene Bae walking into the room.

 

Even dressed casually, she couldn't fathom how Irene always managed to make her outfits look stunning. It was no wonder she could command the attention of crowds easily.

 

It took a second before she remembered what she was there to do. Standing, Wendy awkwardly made her way towards the other girl. Irene was flanked by a personal guard for her safety, as per regulations, but she waved him off as soon as she saw her.

 

“Irene-“ She quickly cut herself off at the other girl’s look of mild alarm. She reminded herself that they were in a public space.

 

Irene was on her guard, which was to be expected. She cleared . “Miss Bae, pardon my forwardness. May I have a word with you?”

 

She watched the hesitation dance across her eyes before the CEO nodded and moved to a corner of the room. Wendy took it as a sign that it was okay to approach her.

 

“I wanted to give you this, as a thank you, for yesterday.” Wendy bit her lip, fully aware of the other people pretending not to eavesdrop on their conversation. It was Irene Bae after all, and she was a nobody in this place. For gossipmongers, this was probably a scandal in the making. “And an apology for how I’ve treated you the last few days.”

 

Irene said nothing, but she accepted the small envelope all the same. She glanced up at Wendy for permission before opening the white envelope and revealing the contents.

 

Wendy felt her breath catch in when Irene lifted out the prints carefully, delicately, as though they were made of glass. She had rushed to develop the pictures the night before, and could only hope that Irene still had the same habit as Joohyun.

 

“There are-”

 

“I wasn’t sure if you threw away the old pictures that represented the old you, but these are a depiction of the you that you’ve worked hard to discover and grow into. They’re yours now.” She swallowed her nervousness as she continued. “I hope you’ve been living happily as you wanted.”

 

To anyone else, it was a line that seemed generic and insignificant. Yet, to Wendy, it was a piece of the past that had been tainted for as long as she could remember. They had repeated the line endlessly in college, to encourage one another to study hard and work towards a life together. It got both of them through school and internship, and even their first jobs. “To live happily” had been a dream for both of them. Throughout their relationship, Wendy had always associated living happily to mean that they needed to be together. Hence, it was hard for her to imagine a life without Joohyun being happy.

 

For a long time, she couldn’t bear to even think of the phrase without feeling sick. The last time she heard the line had been under horrible circumstances. Living happily was just not an option for her after that.

 

However, this time, when the words left , her heart felt lighter. Seeing the Joohyun she used to know, and the Irene in front of her, Wendy could see that she had found herself and the career she had been looking for. There was an air of self-assurance and quiet confidence in Irene that Joohyun never had. In that sense, she couldn't fault Joohyun for wanting to discover her own direction, as she herself had done.

 

In that moment, she saw the understanding dawn in Irene’s eyes.

 

“I won’t deny that seeing you again was unexpected, but I’m glad we met here.” Wendy said with a smile. It wasn’t a lie. She now understood what Joohyun had meant that day. Even if their journeys lead them onto diverging paths, they could still live a life that made them happy. However, she also didn't want to discount the possibility of someday creating a new path for them to move towards.

 

“Me too.” The smile on Irene’s face was filled with genuine warmth; something that she hadn’t seen in Joohyun for a long time. It took her breath away but it also gave Wendy the strength to wish her well and send her off with a smile.

 

“There’s something else I want to say. I’m not giving up on my dream and everything I’ve worked for the past few years.” She owed it to herself to acknowledge and appreciate the effort she put into building her life in the States, but Irene had gone out on a limb to be honest with her. She could do the same. “However, I’m willing to try and build a new dream with you in the future, if you’re willing to communicate and work through our problems together.”

 

“Passengers on flight 801, you may now prepare for boarding.”

 

Irene’s eyes darted to the side for a second, probably looking for Sooyoung. Wendy pressed her lips together. It was time for her to leave and go back to her own path. She had already made her move. The ball was in Irene’s court now.

 

There was a glimmer of calculation in her eyes, as if Irene was assessing the situation. Then, it turned into a knowing smile as the CEO motioned for Wendy to hand over her phone. She did; after which, she realised the other girl had typed in her personal contact.

 

She reached out her hand and Irene shook it.

 

“Joohyun-ah, until the day we meet again, let’s live happily.”

 

This time, Wendy knew, she would be able to keep her promise.

 

 

-end-