"Hey Kang, you're late." my fellow DJ, Yeri greeted as soon as I entered the studio. She's seating on the couch, sipping her almost empty cup of coffee.

"Hey Katie, why are you here so early?" I gave her a small wave and dropped my bag on the sofa.

Yeri shrugged. "Got nothing to do at home." she glanced at the studio clock on the wall. "You're starting in ten minutes," she informed. I nodded, fully aware of the time.

I pulled out the script and the letter from my bag which I didn't read before going to the studio. While I scan the letter that I'm going to read later in the broadcast, my forehead starts to cease. Yeri moved beside me to peek at the paper in my hand. "Love story?" she asked, noticing my usual annoyed expression every time I am given a cliche romantic love story.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't read it, it's too long." I uttered, still unimpressed as I continue to turn the somewhat never-ending pages.

"I guess that's a whole life story then." she joked.

"I hope not." I stood up and grabbed the water bottle on the table with me. "I'll go prepare," I said to Yeri. She nodded and gestured me to go on.

The familiar instrumental starts to play as soon as I took my seat in front of the microphone. I glanced at the time. Less than five minutes left before we go On Air.

I don't know, but I suddenly felt nervous when the station PD signaled me to get ready. Is it because of the long script or Yeri's presence behind the glass in front of me? The latter would be nonsense, right?

I drank away my nervousness with water before wearing my headphones. Then, I took a deep breath and cleared my throat.

 

ON AIR

"John Boswell once said, 'Winter, a lingering season, is a time to gather golden moments, embark upon a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour.' "

"Welcome to MBC Radio, this is DJ Kang. Today is Sunday, November 21, 2021. Join me tonight as I share another story of love, hope, and dreams. To start the night, here's a song request from our dear sender, Just the way you are.

 

Now playing (Billy Joel - Just the way you are)

Don't go changing to try and please me

You never let me down before, mmm

Don't imagine you're too familiar

And I don't see you anymore

---

 

"Ahh, what a great song to start the night. I see that our sender is quite the sentimental type huh." I laugh softly.

"Everyone, have you seen today's forecast? I bet some of you are getting your cameras ready for the snow. Perhaps, there are also some who are getting their hearts ready for a confession. Well, good luck with that. I hope you won't have your first heartache tonight. Fighting!"

"All right...let me read some of your comments. Listener seulmatefrvs said 'DJ Kang, I'm on a date with my boyfriend right now. Today's our first anniversary. I'm so excited, it would be epic if it will actually snow tonight, right?'  --What's with the username?" I commented. "Anyway, happy anniversary, don't worry, I'm 90% sure that it will snow tonight."

"Another comment from 143kang, 'DJ Kang, I am planning to confess to my best friend tonight. Wish me luck!'  --Aww, good luck! She'll like you back I assure you that."

"From your22329, 'DJ Kang, as I listen to your voice. I suddenly dreamed of becoming an organ donor. Can you have my heart?'"  I immediately blurted a loud laugh to the mic. This is not new, these people are always funny. "User your22329, thank you for offering your heart. But the last time I checked, my heart is perfectly fine."

"Anyway, I wanted to read all your comments but I don't want to make you guys wait any longer. I hope you'll stay with me through the night." I shifted on my seat as I increased the volume of the instrumental. I cleared my throat one last time before reducing the background sound again.

 

"Dear DJ..."

 

It's that time of the year again... it's almost Christmas. I used to love this season when I was a kid. The snow, the streets filled with Christmas lights, and the genuine smile from the people that I encounter at the gift shops--the sight of those always make my heart warm.

My family used to celebrate Christmas with our other relatives on my Father's side. Given that I'm the only child, I remember getting extremely excited because I get to spend time with my cousins who were living miles away from our home. We exchanged gifts and play family games. It was fun. Ahh, those were the days, how I wish I can stop the time and go back.

My parents got divorced five years ago, on Christmas Eve. I was hurt--it was too painful that I thought I was gonna die. But I didn't shred a single tear. I remained silent. I keep all the pain to myself. Everything happened so fast that I could not keep up. And as time goes by, I started to distance myself away from other people. I purposely avoided my parents. I chose to stay in bed the whole day instead of going out with friends which is what I usually do during my day off. I was fully aware that I am not in myself anymore. But I couldn't do anything. Everything seems to be dull and I feel empty. I didn't do anything and held on to the idea that "TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS"

 

But just when I thought that this is how I'll live my life forever. One person who probably didn't even know my existence changed my entire perspective of living.

The story that I'm about to tell you is a tale of how I met a stranger who unconsciously brought colors to my lame world.

 

It was Friday, I still remember the date, October 13, 2017.

 

After nine months of avoiding my Mom, I finally got the courage to meet her for the first time after their divorce. I was on my way to Busan Hospital. My Mom is an associate professor of cardiothoracic surgery. I can only visit her on this specific day of the week since this is the only day that I'm free. Well, I also have Tuesday but that day is for me to have time for myself. Don't get me wrong, my job is not that demanding, I just got hired three months ago, but my Mom's hospital is four hours drive away from Seoul, and it's kinda tiring to drive that far when I'm not even used to traveling.

As soon as I entered the establishment, a warm smile from the attendant in the information booth welcomed me. She greeted me and I asked her where my Mom's office at. It was my first time coming to that place.

Then, I thanked her before I left.

When I was on my to the elevator, I immediately stopped on my track when a patient on an emergency bed from the ambulance was being pushed in my direction. I was standing near the entrance to the emergency room.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" yelled the woman in which I assumed, a doctor. I quickly stepped back to make way for them.

"Oh, " I looked away when I accidentally got a quick glance at the patient. Okay, I should have not seen that. She was bleeding like crazy! Is she still alive? I hope so.

I hurriedly walked away from that area and went to the elevator. Thankfully, my Mom's office is not that far. I was starving and it's almost three o'clock in the afternoon, I haven't eaten lunch. I got off the elevator when I arrived at the correct floor. I checked the room numbers as I walkthrough. Then there it is. I took a deep breath before I knocked twice to the door.

"Come in."

I slowly opened the door and saw my Mom seating in her swivel chair, eyes still glued to the monitor in front of her. "Mom..." I called.

Her neck snapped directly to me, eyes widened in surprise. "Oh!" she stood up and spread her arms to welcome me with a hug. "God, I missed you," she whispered while hugging me tightly.

"Thanks." I unknowingly answered and gently pulled myself out of the hug. My mother just smiled apologetically and signaled me to take a seat on the couch. Then she went to her mini-fridge.

"Do you want water? Coffee? Or..." she showed a small paper cup. "Ice cream?"

"I haven't eaten lunch." I plainly replied.

"Ohh, sorry. I bet you're starving right now." My Mom closed the fridge right away and grabbed her lab coat from the rack. "Come on, let's get you something to eat." she tried to held my wrist but I instantly moved it away. She just gave me that 'sorry' smile again.

My Mom brought me to the hospital's cafeteria. She kept insisting that we should go to a near restaurant to eat, but I refused and told her it's completely fine. The food was surprisingly delicious or maybe I was too hungry that my tongue's appreciating anything that I eat. While I was eating, my mother was constantly trying to conversate with me the whole time. She asked me about my job, how's living alone, how's my travel on the way here and some random stuff.

"By the way, you're friend Joy came to my office earlier," she said which made me glanced at her.

"Joy?"

"Yes, Joy, your high school friend. You don't remember her?"

"You remember Joy?" I asked back, completely shocked.

You see, my mother is a doctor and she was always been busy. She could not even attend my graduation because she forgot about it. She rarely cooks us breakfast. And sometime, in the middle of our dinner, she'll receive a call and will immediately grab her things and flee. Then she'll call us on the same night, apologizing. My Mom is a busy woman and the fact that she remembered my friend whom she barely met was totally surprising.

She laughed softly when she saw my expression. "Of course I remember Joy. She's your friend."

"What is she doing here?"

"I didn't tell you? She's a resident here. She just transferred a few months ago. We recognized each other right away. I mentioned that you're coming to see me, so she stopped by earlier. Unfortunately, she was called out in the ER before you arrived."

I nodded with the said information. I lost contact with that friend of mine. We were somehow close and used to hang out a lot. "Don't worry... I'll try to visit more often," I muttered almost inaudible, looking down at the empty plate. But my mother still heard it.

"Really?" my Mom asked with excitement. I nodded again, which made her smile wider. It made me stare at my Mom. It was my first time seeing that smile again. It was genuine. I suddenly wanted to cry, but yeah...definitely not her in front of her.

"Aren't you busy?" I asked, trying to remove my thoughts of crying.

She flinched on the seat, probably noticed that she was hanging out in the cafeteria for a long time. She glanced at her wristwatch and looked at me with a disappointed expression. "Honey, I have scheduled surgery in thirty minutes. Can you wait for me in my office?" she asked with a hopeful look.

"Okay."

"Great! Let's go, I'll walk you to my office."

"No, I'll be fine. Just go." I gave her a small smile. She hesitatingly stared at me before nodding her head.

"All right" she stood up, ready to go. "Wait for me, okay? Don't leave."

I suppressed a small laugh. "Mom, I drove for four hours just to came here. Of course, I won't leave right away."

"Right... Right, I'll go now." she slowly approached me and kissed my head. "Bye," she said before walking away.

 

Instead of going to my Mom's office, I decided to walk around the hospital. Somehow hoping to see a familiar face. I was sitting on a bench in the mini-park outside the hospital. I pulled out my earphones from my sling bag and comfortably leaned my back to the wood behind me. Since the weather's extra cold today, I didn't see anyone other than myself in the park. I squeezed my hands in between in knees to warm my fingers. As I continue to listen to the comforting music in my earphones, I suddenly felt sleepy. I guess I got tired of the long drive.

I was about to doze off when a loud thud from my right made me startled. I turned to where the sound came from and saw a lady in black in front of the Vending Machine. I didn't even notice that machine before.

The lady kicked the vending machine again, this time, harder than she did seconds ago. I glanced at our surroundings to see if there are other people seeing this. But my attention was on her again when she throws another kick. Then she paused. Maybe she just realized that the thing's actually broken. Just when I thought that she'll kick the machine again when she moved, I saw her slowly kneeling to the ground and covered her face with her two hands.

"What the hell? Is she crying because of the machine?" I mumbled as I observe the lady. I suddenly felt nervous when she started bawling. Seriously, I'm still slightly sleepy, I didn't know what to do. I scratched my nape and stood up, then I slowly walked towards her.

"Uhm, excuse me..." I didn't continue when she suddenly raised her head to look at me. Suddenly, the idea of asking her why she was crying was immediately erased. That's when I realized that she wasn't crying because of the stupid machine. She was crying for something else.

Now, I didn't know what to say. Maybe I should help her with the drink that she wanted from the machine? "Ma'am, I think the machine is broken," I said, but she didn't even blink and continued to stare at me. I bet she was thinking that I'm rude, right? I stepped back. "I'm sorry... I'm just trying to help."  I quickly added with a small voice. Yeah, maybe I should keep my mouth shut like how I used to.

At least she stopped crying.

I bowed at her and took a step back again. I thought maybe I should leave her alone. I started to walk away from the lady, and as I walk farther, I felt the urge to turn and check on her one last time. I stopped in front of the door and did glance at her.

She was gone.

"What the hell?" My brows furrow as I tilted my head in confusion. I was looking in the right direction. I shrugged and continued to walk to the entrance. But my eyes suddenly darted to the hospital's name above the door. Come to think of it. I was at a hospital.

Wait.

"Is she a ghost?!" I said to myself. I tried to stop myself from freaking out.

I intensely shook my head to brush off the image of the lady in my head. "No no no no no"  I muttered as I walk straight to the elevator.

I was mindlessly clicking the close button of the elevator when an arm suddenly appeared to stop the elevator from closing. I instantly panicked and clicked the open button.

"Aww..." I glanced at the woman who's caressing her arm. I leaned forward to take a clear look at her face.

"Joy?"

She turned in my direction. She scanned my face and slowly opened in shock. "Oh my god!" she pulled my arm and hugged me. "I'm on my way to your Mom's office. I'm glad I saw you here. I missed you, you idiot." she said squeezing me tighter.

"I miss you too. Now, get off me." I jokingly said pushing her body away.

She just laughed at me."You still hate my hugs huh."

"You're still annoying." I countered.

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, how are you? I haven't seen you since graduation." she asked, looking so interested in me now.

"I'm good," I answered shortly. "How about you? Didn't expect you to take a medical course. I thought you hated science-related stuff."  I asked.

We stepped out of the elevator when the door opened. Joy told me about how she ended up enrolling in a premed course. Apparently, her grandmother died after our graduation from high school. My friend resented herself for being clueless about her grandmother's condition. She didn't know that she was suffering from a serious illness, which was in their family genes. And that pushed her to become a doctor.

My Mom was already in her office when we arrived. The both of them chatted about medical stuff and I was just there listening to their stories. Sometimes the both of them would attempt to insert me into their conversation and I would just simply respond with a smile or a nod.

Joy has always been talkative, this is also why I didn't felt awkward when we saw each other earlier.

Few hours after that, I finally decided to drive back to Seoul. I bid goodbye to my Mom and to my friend who's pouting like she's about to a throw tantrum when I told her that I'm still not sure when is my next visit.

 

And that night I dreamed about the lady that I saw in the park.

 

Fast forward. October 27, 2017

 

After two weeks, I finally had the time to visit my Mom again. This time I arrived earlier since she wanted to have lunch with me. When I was on my way to the cafeteria, I decided to use the stairs hoping that I would run into Joy. We texted each other since that day, and she once told me that she was almost in the ICU the whole time last week because of this certain patient that she's so concerned about.

I purposely slowed my walking when I saw the ICU's main door. I noticed that there are four people wearing isolation gowns sitting on a long chair across the door. I glanced at my watch. It must be their visiting hours. I started walking closer when a guard signaled them to go inside. I stood closer to the glass door and saw how the visitors went to their respective patients. At the center of the room, is a large nurse station with medical staff on standby. There are three rooms on the right side and two on the left.

As I wandered my eyes to the entire place, a patient in the first room on the right side caught my attention. I can clearly see that she's alone because of the glass sliding door of her room. She doesn't have a visitor. There was a bandage on her head and a tube on . Her face looked familiar but I could not point out where I saw her.

I didn't notice that I was staring at her for a long time now.

"Hey," I almost jumped in surprise when someone tapped my shoulder from the back. I turned and saw Joy smiling at me. "What are doing here?" she asked and looked in the direction where my body's facing.

"I'm was on my way to the cafeteria," I answered and followed her line of sight.

"That was the patient that I was talking about. She's been unconscious for two weeks now." she pointed at that patient who caught my attention earlier. "She's pretty, right?" Joy asked.

I unknowingly nodded to her question while staring at the patient. "Why is she alone? She doesn't have anyone with her?" I asked, eyes still glued to the woman on the bed.

"I met her Mom. I don't know about her Dad tho.

"Where's her Mom?"

"She's in Seoul."

"Seoul?" 

Joy didn't answer and stared at me like she was thinking something very important. "Uhh, you know what this is perfect." she suddenly dragged me to sit on the long chair across the door. I looked at her questioning what's wrong. She cleared . "You see, her Mom's working in Seoul." she started. "She doesn't have anyone who can accompany her daughter during the weekdays. Well, she has no choice but to work, or else she can't pay the hospital bills..."

"And?" I responded when she paused to look at my reaction. I didn't know why she was suddenly telling me that.

"And she asked me if I can accompany her instead. I told her I can since she's my professor patient after all. But of course, I can't be with her all the time, I have a lot of patients." I nodded for her to continue. "Can you be her guardian for a day? Or for thirty minutes? Don't worry, I have her Mom's consent." she directly asked.

"Guardian? Me? Why? This is so random. "I responded in complete confusion. 

"I mean, not a guardian. Visitor. Just her visitor. Also, I don't have anyone to ask."

"You can take turns with the other doctors or nurses or... even with the guards. Isn't that your job to be with the patient?"

"I'm talking about during visiting hours."

"You know what, I don't understand why this is necessary. She's unconscious, right?"

"So, you can't?"

I paused when I saw my friend's disappointed look. I turned my head to glance at the woman in bed then I look back to Joy. "You know, I can't come here every week." Joy nodded. "You still want me to do it?"

"You can visit her 30 minutes a week or whenever you can, that's completely fine. Her Mom will be with her the whole weekend. I just don't want her to be alone on weekdays." 

I took a deep breath and stared at the door in front of me. This is not something serious, I just have to be with her during visiting hours once a week.

"Okay, sorry, I won't force you--"

"Fine. I'll do it." I said before she can finish her sentence.

Joy quickly gasped and pulled me for a hug. "Thank You! I know you'll do it."

"Okay, okay." I pushed her away. "So, I should go inside right now?" I asked.

Joy glanced at her wristwatch "You still have 15 minutes, come with me." she excitedly said and grabbed my wrist to follow her.

 

I was already standing in front of the woman's room door with an isolation gown on me. My good friend Joy was not with me anymore since she was called out by her professor right after I wore this thing on me. I noticed that some nurses were looking weirdly at me right now so I decided to go inside. I slowly walked to the side of the bed to see a nearer view of the woman. Now, that I got a closer look at her face. A memory suddenly went back to my head. Right, she was the patient that I saw from the ambulance two weeks ago.

I stared at her for a moment. "I'm glad you're alive," I mumbled to the unconscious person. "What's your name?" I asked, certainly aware that she's not going to respond. I scanned the whole room to find the answer to my question. There it is, "Irene..." I muttered as I read her nameplate.

Then I just stood there for another minute. I have nothing to say to her. We're strangers after all.

I sighed and leaned my back against the wall behind me. I folded my arms to my chest and started to observe the woman's entire state. Joy said she was unconscious for two weeks now. I didn't ask anything to my friend anything about her condition but based on my observation, I assumed that this woman got into a car accident. Or did she somehow jumped from a high building? Well, she won't be alive if that's the case, right?

I saw the medical staff signaling me that it's time to go. I smiled and nodded at her. I turned to Irene one last time before I went to the door.

"I need to go now. Please be awake the next time I see you."

 

 

 

"I was texting you earlier, where have you been?"  My Mom asked in concern when I entered her office.

I place my bag on the couch. "Sorry, I forgot to check my phone. I went to the cafeteria." I lied. When I stepped out of the ICU room, I went straight to my Mom's office. I forgot that I was supposed to go buy a coffee.

My Mom simply nodded. She's already wearing her trench coat. I bet she was waiting for me. "So...let's go?" she asked. I nodded my head and she walked through the door with me following her from behind.

 

 

November 3, 2017

 

I arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes before the visiting hours. While I was driving on my way to Busan, my thoughts were full of that certain patient. Well, I was not supposed to go that day but the night before, I dreamed about her. I could not even remember what she did on my dream, I can only assure that it was her face who I clearly saw.

I stood in the same spot, beside her bed. Unfortunately, she was still unconscious.

"When are you going to wake up?" I muttered after a long silence ever since I entered the room.  

When I was in the rest stop earlier, I tried to research her possible condition. If I'm not mistaken, she had been comatose for three weeks. Since she was hurt on the head, I assumed that she might have a traumatic brain injury because of her accident. 

"Tomorrow, you're Mom will finally be here. Don't you miss her? I bet you are, yeah?"

"So, how about you open your eyes so that you can see your Mom? Hmm?" I looked at her, then I sighed, "...I'm stupid, right? Because you can't open them."

"You know what Irene, I seriously want to talk to you. But sadly, I don't have any interesting story to tell. I'm a boring person, maybe I should've not agreed to be your somewhat weekly visitor. But I wanted to keep on talking to you because of this article that read online. It says, talking to a comatose patient will help them regain consciousness. I don't even know if that's true but yeah whatever, I'll talk to you anyway. You don't mind me blabbering nonsense, right?" I said in a single breath. "Yeah..." 

I stared at her pretty face for a few seconds. "Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked nonchalantly. "You don't have one, right" I answered on her behalf. "Because I wouldn't be here if he exists."

"Anyway..." I gently stretched my neck and leaned against the wall. I didn't know that standing straight for almost fifteen minutes is tiring. "Do you want me to talk about my friend Joy? Her professor is your doctor by the way." I paused, imagining that's she's responding to me. "She was the one who brought me here. If ever you felt my presence to be annoying, you can punch her when you wake up."

 

"So...Joy and I met when we were in High School. Back then, I was a cheerful and adventurous kid, and Joy... she happened to be the quiet one. I wanted to be her friend because she was tall and she's good at Math. I remember asking for her help every time we had a difficult assignment. Thankfully, I was patient despite her calling me an idiot when I can't remember the last thing she taught five seconds ago. And then one time..."

For the entire thirty minutes, I was only talking about Joy. I don't know if it made sense that I was telling Irene about a person she didn't know. But I think it was better than being silent.

 

 

November 10, 2017

 

"Joy!" I called when I saw my friend outside the ICU room. I came out from visiting her favorite patient--Irene

"Oh, hi" she waved her hand as she stopped on her track. I quickly went to her, half-running. "I thought you can't come here every week?" she raised her brow at me. 

"I'm not sure about that either. I just found myself driving to Busan instead of sleeping on my bed." I glanced at her who just nodded with a smile. I noticed that she looks disturbed and stressed. "Sleepy?" I asked.

"Yeah, night duty yesterday." she yawned.

"Then why are you here? It's still early in the morning."

"Conference," she answered and lazily and pushed a button to the elevator.

"I'll buy you a coffee."  I offered which made her cheer halfheartedly. I chuckled and patted her back. "You're doing great, Dr. Park." 

 

Honestly, that time I wanted to ask Joy about Irene's condition. This is my third time visiting her, but I still don't have a clear answer to my questions about her medical state. Also, asking Joy would not be a good idea since I am not personally related to the patient. It's against their rights. Although I have her mother's consent on this visiting thing, I just can't bring myself to ask anything.

"Irene's mother asked me if you can meet up with her."  she suddenly blurted while we're sitting in the cafeteria.

I shifted in my seat and faced her properly. "Me? Why?"

"Well obviously, she wanted to meet my good Samaritan friend who offered her day off just to be with a comatose stranger." I chuckled, slightly feeling honored. 

I smirked."You made it sound like you didn't beg me to be her 'guardian for a day'" Joy chuckled. "But I have work on weekends. That's too bad." I said, disappointed.

"It's fine. You'll see each other soon," she said while her eyes were glued to view outside. We were sitting facing the window.

"When is she going to wake up?" I curiously asked which made my friend turn her gaze to me. I saw a bit of hesitation in her eyes. "It's okay if you can't tell me anything. I won't ask again." I faced the window.

Joy was just looking at me. "Soon." I  glanced at her. "She'll wake up soon." then she smiled at me. Somehow, the smile made me mentally sighed in relief. "And you have to be there when she wakes up." 

I scoffed. "That's not necessary. I'm a stranger to her."

"I know, but it will definitely make her happy if she'll wake up with a new friend."

"Joy, I am not her friend."

"Yeah, sure. I guess you hate her."

"I don't hate her!" 

My friend turned to laugh at me. "I'm kidding. Of course, you don't hate her. You've been visiting for three consecutive weeks now."

"I know right. I'm such a great stranger."

 

 

Two weeks had passed since that talk with Joy. I still haven't met Irene's Mom.

 

Visiting Irene, going to my Mom's office and eat lunch with her and then drive back to Seoul in the evening became my routine every Friday. The unconscious woman became my human diary. I told her stories about my job, my favorite things, how my week went, how I became so engrossed with this specific mobile game, and some other unimportant stuff. Sometimes I paused in the middle of my storytelling, wandering about how can her presence alone made me speak up about what's all in my mind.

I did not tell my Mom about Irene, and it seems that Joy was doing the same thing since the lady didn't mention anything whenever we eat lunch together. Although she found it suspicious that I always arrived at her office before lunchtime, she still didn't say anything when I told her I just wanted to avoid the traffic. Which is partly true. 

"You don't know how excited I am every Friday."

"Why is that?" I asked as I took a bite of my burger.

"Obviously, it's because I get to spend time with you." my Mother cheerfully answered. "I am still surprised every time you come to my office every week. Were you hanging out with Joy?"

I took a sip of the cola and glanced at my Mom. "Yeah... sometimes. She's busy with her patients."

"...you're not dating anyone in this hospital right?" she suddenly blurted which made me choke on my drink. 

"What?!" my Mom chuckled at my reaction and handed me a tissue. "You think I'm dating a Nurse?" 

"A doctor?" she added. 

"No! I am not dating anyone." I said firmly, still wiping my face. 

"Sorry. I was just wondering because you look bright whenever you enter my office."

My brows furrowed as I listen to her. I could not remember smiling like an idiot in front of my mother. 

"Maybe because I saw my close friend after years...?"

My Mom just nodded her head. "Yeah, that's what I thought." 

 

 

December 1, 2017

 

"So, my Mom thinks that I'm dating an employee in this hospital because I keep on coming here every week," I said to Irene. "I don't know what made her think of that...but I would say it's because of my newly found friend." I stared at her nameplate above the bed. "You're fine being friends with me right?" I asked, suddenly feeling shy to an unconscious person. 

"Jeez, I thought you don't want to be her friend."

"Goodness!" I had my hands on my chest when Joy suddenly came out from nowhere. 

"Shhh..."

"Sorry."

Joy approached her patient and pulled out some kind of flashlight to check her eyes.

"Should I go out?" I asked. 

"It's fine. But I actually went here to drag you out."

My brows furrowed. "Why?" 

She put the flashlight thing on her scrub's pocket and glanced at me. "Someone wants to meet you."

"Is it... her Mom?" 

"No. I'm sorry to cut your limited time with Irene, but she's waiting outside," she said and grabbed my wrist out to the room.

After I fixed my clothes, I went to the hospital's lobby where Joy asked me to go. When I was walking closer to my friend, I noticed a woman with short hair standing on her back facing my direction. Joy noticed me approaching so she waved her hand to me which made the other turn to face where my friend's waving at. Then she smiled politely. 

We bowed at each other and I stood beside Joy. 

"Wendy, this is my friend. She was the one who's visiting your friend every Friday." Joy introduced. Wendy smiled at me and offered her hand. 

"Nice to meet you, thank you for accompanying Irene." I shook her hands and smiled at her. 

"You're welcome. I'm glad she has someone who can be with her now." I said. 

"Yes, it took me a long time to go here. I was in Canada."

I nodded my head and glanced at Joy who's just listening to us. She was looking at Irene's friend with that weird smile on her. I lightly nudged her.

"So... I assume I don't have to visit her every Friday?" I asked, trying my best not to sound disappointed. 

The both of them shook their head at the same time which made me look at them with confusion. 

"We can take turns. If you're still up for it." Wendy offered. Somehow, it made me happy inside that I still get to see Irene when in fact my presence is not needed anymore. 

"Okay, I'm fine with anything," I said. 

"It's settled, right? Now, I gotta go." before we can answer, Joy tapped our shoulders and immediately walked to the elevator. The two of us remained standing to the same spot with an awkward silence. 

I faked a cough. "Do you want to go to the park outside?" I spoke after the awkward silence. 

Wendy smiled brightly and nodded. "Yeah, sure."

I bought Wendy a can of coffee from the Vending Machine. Fortunately, I don't need to throw a kick just to make it spill my drink.

"Thanks," said Wendy, I nodded in response and sat beside her. "So, you're from Seoul?"

"Yes."

"And you're here in Busan because...?

"My Mom." I opened the drink. "She's a Professor in this hospital."

"Ahh..."

"How are you acquainted with Irene?" I asked.

"We're childhood friends."

I nodded at her. "What about my friend?"

"You're friend? Joy?" she asked. I nodded again. "We're college friends. I'm a nurse by the way."

I opened my mouth in amusement. "That's... that's amazing."

She chuckled. "Aww, thank you."

 

We became silent after that. I'm not really good at small talk. I also didn't expect Wendy to be quiet, I thought she's the lively type.

 

"Irene has been comatose for more than a month now." Wendy started as she stares at the can in her hands. "I know she's been hurting. But we can't let her go yet." she paused and took a deep breath. "F-for other people, it might sound like we're just prolonging her agony...when in fact, the doctor could not even guarantee that she'll wake up," she said. I glanced at her and quickly looked away when tears started to form in her eyes. "But I believe Irene will not give up either. She's the bravest woman that I've ever known."  Wendy turned to me and gave me a small smile. I smiled back.

"Of course she has to wake up. She'll be surprised that she got herself a new friend without opening her eyes." I said, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Yeah, a cutie friend."

I suppressed a small laugh. "I am fully aware of that, thank you."

Wendy scoffed and finally laughed. "What a funny friend."

I just shrugged and glanced at Irene's friend. She was smiling but the sadness in her eyes was clearly visible to me.

 

That moment, I asked myself, how exactly did Irene live her life--that of all people, it has to be her who's lying on death bed.

 

 

December 15, 2017

 

"I met your childhood friend Wendy. She was--she was surprisingly talkative. I thought she was that quiet girl because of the first time we talked. But then, after few hours of talking, I noticed she doesn't want to stop anymore. I did not complain though because I would rather see her like that." I said to Irene.

On this day, Wendy and I planned to eat lunch together in a nearby restaurant. We also invited Joy, and she agreed immediately but did not promise because she might be needed by her patients later. I came here ten minutes late because I had to go to my Mom's office to tell her that I can't eat lunch with her today. Speaking of my Mom, I noticed that she was a little bit tired and distracted. I felt that she has something to say to me. But it was immediately brushed off when she said that she's just tired of the consecutive surgeries that she had to do in the same week. I wasn't even asking but I think she noticed that I was staring at her.

 

"Anyway, your friend told me a lot of things about you. How can you live without eating chicken though? Like seriously, you're missing out on the best food in the world."

"Also, you don't drink coffee? Woah, that's unimaginable. Also uhh..." I ceased my forehead trying to remember the facts that Wendy said to me about Irene. I think it was too many that I can't remember some of it. "I forgot the other things that she said."

I placed my hands on my chin as I try to recall another fact. "Ah!" I remembered something. "She mentioned about you being the school's playgirl--which I did not expect at all. Your sleeping face says otherwise tho."

 

 

December 19, 2017 - Tuesday.

 

I quickly turned off the radio when a familiar song was played. I was driving on my way to Busan--not to visit Irene, but because my Mom wanted me to meet up with her. I immediately refused when she asked me at first. (She was talking like the hospital's not fours away from my apartment) I told her that this day was supposed to be my rest day. But she kept on bombarding me with text messages begging me to come because she had something important to discuss with me.

I knocked twice before I opened the door to her office. My Mom was sitting on her usual chair with a serious expression. I immediately sat on the couch with my hands on my lap. She turned her swivel chair and faced me.

 

"What is it?" I asked.

"Uhh, I have something to ask-- or more like your Father has something to ask." she started. My brows furrowed hearing about my Father. The last time that we talked was a month ago. It was when I started visiting the hospital.

"Why it has to be you? He can just call me." I said. I can see that my mother suddenly hesitated to continue.

"He doesn't want to make you upset."

I scoffed. "He doesn't want me to be upset?" I repeated. "Mom, just tell me what is it."

I saw my Mom took a deep breath. "It's about the house."  she started, talking about the house where we used to live. No one was living in that house anymore. When I decided to live alone, my parents also left the house.

"What about it? You're going to sell it?"

"No..." she pursed her lips. "You're father and Stephanie wanted to use the house."

I felt like my stomach went upside when she said that. This was what I felt when they announced the divorce. I didn't say anything and stared at my Mom instead. This is what I always do in this situation, keeping my mouth shut.

"Honey, please say something," she said in a gentle voice.

"I don't have anything to say." I simply responded, still looking at her. "My opinion is not important. Why does he have to ask me about it?"

"You're his daughter, of course, your opinion matters. Plus, technically you are the owner of the house. It has your name on it."

"No, I don't believe that he'll consider my words."

My mother sighed deeply. I can feel the frustration on her expression as she massages her temples. "Just... just say something. Don't make me lose my mind thinking of what's going on in your head." her voice starts to sound strong. And with that, I thought someone has loosened the screw on my head that I suddenly wanted to burst.

"Fine. You want me to say something." I looked at my Mom straight. "Stephanie. That the mistress, right?" I started. I suddenly felt my head hurt, so I looked down and closed my eyes for a moment, and lifted them to face my Mom. "You are asking me to let my father and her mistress live in that house. Do you hear yourselves?"  I asked, making sure that she got the message of how I find this whole situation ridiculous. "I would rather burn that damn house than let them have it."

"Honey, you know that your Father's business is failing. He's struggling to pay for a new house that's why he's asking you."

"No," I said. "He can live there, but I won't allow his mistress to take one step on that house."

"Honey--"

"What about you? You are not supposed to convince me to allow them. You are also the owner of that house!" My mother looked down. I knew it, of course, she'll say yes. "So, you wanted them to have the house. But Mom, you're supposed to be mad at them."

"We don't have the right to be mad at each other."

"Huh?" My mind was about to explode in confusion.

"I-I'm sorry."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's Richard."

"What? You're confusing me. Who's Richard? Is that your friend who you introduced to me last year--"

"We're together."

I stopped. I was completely shocked that my entire body felt like it numbed. I started to laugh in disbelief. I was going crazy. "Woah..." I muttered.

"I'm sorry."

I continued to laugh.

"Honey, I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and looked straight into her eyes.

"All this time I thought it was you who forced the divorce because you caught my Father cheating. But then, you have yourself a guy, so it became easy for the both of you to leave... My life is an actual joke." I stood up from my seat and faced my Mom. "You're telling me that you're cheating on each other behind my back? And that you knew that you are ing one another?" I asked straightly.

"No--"

"TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

My mother signed heavily. I could tell that she's on the verge of crying. "Yes."

And it was enough word for me to walk out. But before I can turn the doorknob my mother held my wrist to face her. I immediately shove her hands away. "Don't touch me!"

"Please listen to me--"

"No!" I stared at her. "That answer is enough. I am not letting them live in that house... And please, let's not meet for a while."

I immediately opened the door and dashed out of the room. I stopped few steps from her door and took a deep breath to calm myself. I heard the door opened so I instantly walked through the elevator as I wipe my tears.

 

I have nowhere to go but my feet instinctively brought me to the ICU room. I glanced at the clock, it was 2:20 pm, ten minutes before the second visiting schedule for the day. I don't know if Wendy is here.

I found myself standing in front of Irene's room, calming myself. I don't want her to hear a stranger crying in her space. So, I stretched my lips and forced a smile before I entered the room.

"Hi" I greeted gently leaning to the wall a little bit farther to the bed. I lifted my head to take a glimpse of her sleeping face. Irene's face used to make me smile every time I stare at her. She was just here closing her eyes but her presence was enough to make me calm. But why does my heart started to hurt while looking at her now?

I looked away when I felt the tears on my face again. I bit my lip to stop myself. "I'm so stupid," I said, scolding myself for crying in front of a person who's in a worse situation than I am.

But just like a broken dam, my tears keep falling and I could not stop myself anymore. I cried hard. I cried thinking of the pain in my chest. I cried thinking of my parents. I cried because I was so stupid for not knowing anything. I cried thinking of how pathetic I look in front of Irene.

For once, I let myself go and cry my eyes out.

I went silent for a minute and stared at the floor. I think I still have fifteen minutes left.

"I'm sorry," I uttered and lifted my head to look at her. She looked so calm. "I was crying because I miss Joy." I forced a smile. I don't even know why I had to lie.

"You know what," I sniffed. My gaze turned back to the floor as I play with my hands. "While I was on my way here, I heard my parent's favorite song on the radio, and then I remembered Wendy telling me that you're into old songs."

Then suddenly, my mind became blank after saying that. Normally, I would tell her a joke if sometimes I ran out of words to say. I wanted to avoid being silent inside her room as much as I can.

I wished Irene would wake up and say something to cheer me up.

"Irene..." I decided to speak. "Before I met you, I was a mess. I almost avoided anyone. I couldn't look at my Mom in the eye without feeling guilty. I was guilty because I thought it was my fault that they separated. Maybe because I wasn't that affectionate as their only daughter. Or... or maybe because I didn't stop them from separating. Maybe because I kept myself quiet...I don't know but I blame myself."

"Then you came... It's ridiculous because you're just lying in the bed, eyes closed. I am not even sure if you're hearing any of my nonsense stories. But here you are, making me feel more than better. Making me feel that I am worth it--that my life is worth living for." I smiled at her.

"I just wanna say thank you, for listening. Thank you for being my friend, even if you're not yet aware of that fact." I tried to joke. "Irene, I want to fix myself. You see, I miss the old me. I miss the old Seulgi." I glanced down. "Yeah, my name's Seulgi. I haven't introduced myself properly right? What a weird friend you have here." I chuckled.

 

"Anyway, I have to go, it's almost time. I might stop visiting you for a while. I know you won't even find me when you wake up, but yeah just in case." I touched her hand lightly. It was my first time touching them and it instantly made me calm. Ahh, Irene and her ways. "I have to go." I let go of her hand and walked towards the door. I e last time when I remembered something. "By the way, that song that I heard in the car was called Can't Smile Without You."

 

Friday, in the same week. I did not go to visit Irene.

 

Now Playing (Barry Manilow - Can'tSmile Without You)

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brighten my day
Who would have believed that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light-years away

And now you know I can't smile without you~