♫

 

I'm sitting on the floor. What am I doing? What happened? Did I fall? Why can't I remember anything?

All I feel are the cold tiles under me. So where does that heat come from? I should be scared, so why do I feel safe somehow?

Someone is gently rubbing my back, rocking me with a smooth voice.

That's it. I'm in someone's arms. Someone with a sturdy chest. Someone with strong hands. Someone with a warm and smooth skin. Someone whose cologne feels familiar. It kind of reminds me of...

"Jung...kook?"

Yerin's mouth was furry, her words slurred, and her body weighed a ton. Everything was fuzzy, as if she was waking up from a bad hangover. Or was she still dreaming?

"Noona? Can you hear me?"

There he was again, his perfect features towering over her. He seemed to always be in her dreams lately, so that was the only sensible explanation.

The maknae leant towards her, putting his face dangerously close to hers once more. She noticed he was frowning. Why does he look so worried?

"Noona, you're okay?"

His hand was suddenly on her face, gently pressing her cheeks and forehead to make sure she came back to her senses. It took a few seconds for Yerin to get a grip on herself and realize his touch on her skin felt too real to be all in her mind. As it hit her, her eyes opened wide in shock.

She was in Jungkook's arms, sitting on the floor.

Almost by reflex, she pushed him back to free herself from his embrace. She tried to get up as elegantly as she could but only ended up stumbling, holding herself onto the closest wall. She put a hand to her chest in a poor attempt to control her erratic breathing. Her vision was still blurry, her blood was pulsing in her ears and her head hurt like hell. She could feel remnants of tears stinging at the corner of her eyes.

Jungkook stood up in a second and immediately grabbed her by the waist to help her find balance. She felt a shot of electricity running through her veins where his hands were placed.

She felt worn out, exhausted, both physically and mentally. More than that, she was disoriented, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle back together.

So how the hell could her body still react like this at his every touch?

If she was honest with herself, deep down, she wished she could have stayed in his arms for hours. But refusing to give in to temptation, she shook her head and took a few steps back, so he eventually let go of her.

"Wha-what happened?" she frowned in confusion, not daring to look at him. Her voice sounded weak and frightened. "What are you doing here?"

It had almost sounded like a reproach. Jungkook was relieved to see she was okay, but a part of him couldn't help but feel disappointed at how eager she seemed to get away from him.

He should have expected it though. Last time the two of them had been that close to each other, they were in his bedroom, and he had kissed her—out of anger and pride. They hadn't really talked about it since, but he knew she was still mad.

"You mean you don't remember?" he bit his lip in frustration.

"I-I... I don't know... I think I..." Yerin started to look around, trying to collect her memories, before stumbling to her desk to sit on her black leather chair. "It's all a bit... hazy."

Jungkook passed a hand in his hair and took a deep breath.

"I was just passing by your office and saw the light was still on. I thought I'd see if you were still there, so we could... maybe... I don't know, talk... or something." He let out a nervous laugh and cleared his throat before continuing. "I knocked several times, but nobody answered. I called your name too, but nothing. Then I heard a loud thud. I came in and saw you on the floor. You looked like you were having some kind of seizure, you were clutching your chest and had trouble breathing. You were trying to reach your purse, so I grabbed it and gave it to you, and you managed to find your inhaler."

As the maknae was speaking, fractions of memories rushed back to Yeri's mind.

"I had no idea what to do, so I just... took you in my arms to help you calm down as best as I could. But then you kind of... fainted. So, I waited until you... felt better."

Yerin held back a smirk. She understood how helpless and distressed you could feel while watching someone have an asthma attack. She remembered the first time Yoongi had seen her like this. He had had the exact same reaction as his dongsaeng—pulling her into his arms and waiting until she had woken up.

Jungkook had no idea she had asthma, so he had to have felt all the more lost. Only Yerin's close family and friends knew about the panic attacks—and she had wanted it to stay that way. But now it was too late, and she could only blame herself for this mishap.

"Hum... Thank you, Jungkook."

She grabbed the little plastic bottle in front of her and took a sip of water, still avoiding eye contact with the maknae who was silently watching her.

The air was growing thick between them. Tense. True, it was the most words they had exchanged since the "kissing incident". Yerin was still too angry to talk to him, so she had initiated her best defense mechanism: suppressing her feelings. Only because she knew that if she didn't, she could lose control at any time.

Because she wanted to kiss him again.

Because she had liked it.

Jungkook had actually tried to apologize several times, but she had barely even acknowledged it and was still acting very cold towards him. Which wasn't really her type, so the other members soon caught up on the situation—leaving aside the fact that their maknae had been a sad mess for days.

"Noona... Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah, of course."

She reluctantly looked up and flashed him what she thought was her most reassuring and convincing smile.

But he was far from stupid. He tilted his head and started to open his mouth to protest.

"Don't worry, I'm fine," she blurted out. "Really, it's no big deal. You don't... have to tell anyone about this."

Jungkook bit his lip again before a strained smile appeared on his lips.

"I kind of already called Yoongi hyung while you were out. I was freaking out..."

Oho—he's gonna be pissed... Yerin sighed, but she couldn't blame him.

"Are you really okay? I mean, did... Did something happen?"

She let out a nervous chuckle then got up, reaching for her coat.

"I told you, I'm fine." She put it on then grabbed her car keys in her purse. "I was about to get home anyway. I have the day off tomorrow, so I'll rest."

"Should I call you a cab?" he frowned, still not convinced by the little show she was putting on.

"I assure you, I can drive," she was starting to get annoyed by his insistence.

"Shouldn't you at least go see a doctor or-"

"I'm fine, Jungkook."

Her voice was firm and left no place to further discussion. Jungkook understood he would not learn more today and sighed, resigned. He was starting to get to the part of her personality he didn't know anything about—and he hated it. He was sure she was lying, but he was powerless.

And what could he do anyway? Force her to talk? He just wanted to tell her he was here for her. But what right did he have? It's not like they had that kind of relationship—no matter how much he wanted to.

Or did they?

"Look, thank you for staying with me," her tone softened, "but you didn't have to. You can go home too, I can handle it."

Jungkook sighed in exasperation and scratched his head.

"Are you sure? I read somewhere that panic attacks can be caused by-"

"Stop it, Jungkook," she had almost screamed. "You don't know anything about me."

Yerin's eyes were now throwing daggers at him. She knew she was only taking out her frustration on him and it wasn't fair, but she was hurt, she didn't want him to see her this weak.

Jungkook's lips formed a bitter smile while he held her stare.

Her stubbornness was driving him crazy. She wasn't going to let him in—not even a little. How could he have hoped for anything else? She would only talk to Yoongi. Only he had that power. Only he could comfort her.

He winced at the sudden stinging pain in his heart. Oh, the joys of jealousy...

"Rin! Are you okay?"

They were both so wrapped up in each other's gaze that they hadn't heard the door slamming open nor seen Yoongi rushing in. He immediately hugged Yerin, which brought her back to reality. She rolled her eyes at her friend's overdramatic reaction.

"Yes, stop freaking out. I don't know why Jungkook called you, it was nothing."

But Yoongi knew better. Yerin always toned everything down because she didn't want to worry him.

He let go of her and quickly scanned Jungkook's face, understanding he had been really scared for her. Yoongi shook his head to let him know he was going to handle it.

Jungkook his neck and nodded. Of course, his hyung knew about this. He didn't even seem surprised. Like it was almost normal—like it had happened before. But when? How often?

"Jungkook, go wait for me in the car."

Without a word, the latter complied with a sad look and went out of the office, closing the door behind him.

"You said you were fine."

Yoongi was apparently calm, like his usual self, but Yerin knew how mad he really was.

"I am fine."

"It sure as hell doesn't seem like it."

He ruffled his air and raised an eyebrow, obviously waiting for an explanation.

"I can handle it."

"What if Jungkook hadn't come by?" Yoongi hissed after a nervous laugh.

"But he did. I'm telling you, I can handle it. I would have gotten to my inhaler eventually."

Yoongi closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself down. How come she always had an answer for everything? They hadn't met yesterday, he had known her for almost twenty years. She was in safe territory, she could trust him and be honest. So why were her walls up again all of a sudden?

He grabbed her shoulders to make her face him.

"When did it start again? I thought it had stopped when you left Korea."

"It did... for a while."

"So I'm asking you, when did it start again?"

She looked down, and he knew what was coming next would not please him. At all.

"When I came back."

Yoongi almost choked. He took a step back and stared at her with wide eyes.

"What? Yerin, it's been three months! I can't believe you didn't say anything. Why did you keep this from me?"

"Because..." she stopped and bit her lip.

"Because what?"

She could feel his disbelieving gaze on her. He felt like he didn't know her anymore, all of her actions and reactions had become a mystery to him.

"Because I can't keep relying on you every time something's wrong," she eventually said in a low voice.

"What does that even mean? We're friends, that's what friends are f-"

"No, you don't get it," she sighed in frustration. "I've always done that. Ever since we were kids."

There it was, finally. The cracks in the walls.

He leaned on the opposite desk and gestured for her to go on. Yerin searched for her words a few seconds then looked up straight at him, slowly getting her confidence back.

"I'm always counting on you like you're my superhero and you're gonna save me. And you have, so many times, and I love you for that, but... I told you last time, I need to learn to stand on my own and take care of myself. And I can't do that if I keep running to you for help every single time. You have other things to take care of. And it's gonna take some time, and it's not gonna be easy, but I swear I can do it."

Yoongi smiled fondly at her and nodded. Even if he hated the idea of Yerin having a hard time and struggling by herself, he could perfectly make sense of her words.

"I know you can. I believe in you."

She let out a long breathe, as if all the pressure and stress of the night were starting to come down.

"And it doesn't mean I'll stop confiding in you," she added, one step ahead of him. "But... I have other friends, you know?" she stuck her tongue out at him. He chuckled. "Besides, I haven't had that many panic attacks since I came back. Today was just... stressful."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he crossed his arms on his chest.

She stayed silent for a moment, only rubbing her left collar bone where Yoongi knew one of her scars was, confirming his fears.

"It's him, isn't it?" he stood back up with a frown.

She simply nodded, a sad veil suddenly covering her eyes.

"He's out of jail."

"What?" Yoongi almost screamed. "So soon? ..." She laughed nervously. "Has he been contacting you again?"

"He tried, yes. I don't know how he got my number, but... Anyway, I immediately blocked him. But I was tired, and I kept thinking about it, and... You know the rest."

Yoongi walked up to her and grabbed her hand to squeeze it.

"I swear I'm gonna kill him," he whispered.

"Don't bother," she chuckled. "I need you on a stage, not in prison." She squeezed his hand back, smiling at him. "It's fine. I'm gonna be fine."

"Yeah, you are."

He grinned and hugged her tightly for a while. She then felt his quiet laugh echoing against her chest and looked up with a raised eyebrow.

"What are you smirking about?"

"Nothing, I just... It's interesting how Jungkook managed to calm you down." She frowned. "I thought I was the only one who could do that, but I guess I've been replaced."

He gave her a knowing look and Yerin froze. She knew he knew about her feelings for Jungkook—and about the kiss. She hadn't even had to tell him anything, he had guessed immediately. He had only texted her the next day to ask if she was okay and needed to talk, but she hadn't said anything more.

Where would she even begin?

"Stop it. It doesn't mean anything."

"Didn't say it did."

"Shut up, Yoongi!" she hit his arm lightly, making him giggle. "Let's just go home. I wanna sleep for two weeks straight."

"Whatever you say, Rin."

 

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