His eyes were teary while he was eating alone his lunch in his house which was now quiet. It has been already two months since he and him… When they stopped being something. Jonghyun just couldn’t accept that reality in which he and Jinki weren’t together anymore. But no, wait, he should have accepted it, he wanted it too, right? So, he should be fine! Just like he was fine on that day!

That day, he remembered it still well. What an ironic thing, it was also lunchtime.

~Two months ago~

“Jjong?” Jinki looked at Jonghyun who just finished cleaning after their lunch.

“Yes, love?” Hyun smiled and looked at Jinki who looked down for a while. Jonghyun blinked and walked closer to Jinki when he softly put his hand on Jinki’s shoulder. “Love, what is wrong?”

“I… have you noticed it too?” Jinki bit his lip and looked at Jonghyun who confusedly blinked. “Um, what should I have noticed?” Hyun smiled softly.

“That… some things between us got a bit stranger,” Jinki sighed.

“Well, it is just that we both may be too much busy with our work,” Jonghyun smiled and nodded. “But you know, as soon as we make more money, I am sure that our busy days would be away!” he added smiling happily.

“No… It’s not what I mean, Hyunnie…” Jinki took a deep breath rubbing his nape. “What I mean is… that we should break up,” Jinki sighed and looked at Jonghyun’s eyes. “Wait… break up?” Hyun’s hand from Jinki’s shoulder slipped as Jonghyun let it.

“Yes, break up… you didn’t notice it? In past days maybe weeks, I feel just that you are getting far away from me, from our love, that you don’t want to be any longer a thing we were in the beginning,” Jinki Hyun’s cheek when the younger man sighed.

“Jinki… I… I just in past days was thinking about us a lot and somehow… I don’t find anything specific between us,” Jonghyun shook his head sighing. “You see…” Jinki lowered his head. “It would be better for us if we… we both need a pause and maybe an end? For who knows how long?” Jinki bit his lip.

“I am sorry… I had never wanted this to happen,” Jjong sighed.

“It’s not your mistake, we both are busy, you are a famous songwriter, after all, I am just working as a secretary,” Jinki smiled softly. “You should get yourself someone who is… something like you?”

“I don’t think it is because of that, Jinki, you are a nice and sweet person, I am just… in past days I was thinking a lot… if our relationship is fine, look, everyone in our place is like man and woman… and two men…” Jonghyun bit his lip.

“Maybe for both of us it will be better to stay quiet about this question and its answers,” Jinki sighed and they shook their hands.

~End of the flashback~

Yes, Jonghyun still remembered it well. It felt like it was yesterday and not two months ago. But he was right, right? Gay couples are weird, he always heard it from his father’s mouth. Now his father was searching for a girl for him to become a married man with kids. He didn’t know that Jonghyun had a boyfriend, he would disinherit him for sure. Jonghyun wanted to keep it a secret. Jinki didn’t mind it. Jonghyun also didn’t tell Jinki that he should marry a girl that his father will find for him. He only told him that his dad is probably looking for someone to be with Jonghyun.

But is it something that also Jonghyun wants? His mind was full of thoughts. But it was still about the same thing. Maybe he shouldn’t give up on Jinki so easily. Or should he?

“He was a man, Jonghyun, you are a man too, men aren’t meant to be together.”

“But what if it would be better for me?”

“Don’t be such an idiot, being straight, that’s what matters!”

“But what if no, what if there is also the right thing to be with man… Love is love.”

Jonghyun ran his fingers in his hair and pulled them a bit. He was talking to himself already, was he some maniac? No! He had to work! Right? Suddenly doorbell disturbed him. Hyun sighed and went to get to the door where his friend, Kibum, was standing. He was also his boss.

“Hey, Kibum,” Hyun smiled and Kibum eyed him from his toe to his head. “Hey, Jjong hyung, can I come in?” he asked and Jonghyun gulped a bit, he wasn’t used to this type of tone. Not from Kibum.

“Yes, sure… what did happen?” Jonghyun asked and let Kibum in, he didn’t have red eyes and his flat was clean, hopefully.

Kibum followed Jonghyun to the living room where they both sat down. Kibum took a deep breath looking at Jjong. “Listen, what is wrong with you?”

“What do you mean?” Hyun blinked a bit being confused.

“What do I mean? This…” Kibum sighed and took from his pocket a paper which he gave to Jonghyun who looked at it.

It was his latest work. It should have been for one group like a new hit song. But when Jonghyun read it, he saw it. It wasn’t suitable for some group. This one was… just only about him and… “Jonghyun, I… I love your work, it is always a masterpiece, but… how can I give this song to them?” Kibum asked.

“But… it is alright for a group… why do you think… it’s not?” Hyun swallowed hard. “Because I can feel that this song isn’t for some group or ears of young girls. This song is supposed to be for someone else, I can feel it from it, Jonghyunnie, I know you for so long… I think that I have to know you. Hyunnie, in the past two months, is this all I got from you… you know, I covered your back for this time, but the agency is asking me what is wrong… I couldn’t give them this,” Kibum sighed and Jonghyun lowered his head.

“I…” Hyun bit his lip and Kibum took his hand. “Tell me, hyungie, tell me what is wrong… please… It is just so hard to not notice that something is troubling you,” Kibum smiled sadly.

“Two months ago… I broke up…”

“You were in a relationship without telling me? I am your best friend! Wait… you broke up? Who was her? Ma