January 27th, 2019 - 5:20 PM [Everland Pier, Everland Amusement Park Resort, Gyeonggi]

It was time for the moment of truth, the moment of courage, and plausibly the moment of stupidity. Heejin was clueless to what your intentions were, and never did it seem to strike her that you were on your way to the peak of it all. For her, the day in the amusement park goes on, and whilst ambulating to the pier, she continues to store these memories in polaroid shutters.

Gradually making progress with each footstep, you went over your lines with yourself, in a complete battle within your thoughts. A struggle between wanting to sound romantic and cool, but needing to express your emotions for the person who has your heart; both never really coming into terms. The internal banter starts to take a toll on you when Heejin notices you’re looking a little anxious, and uncertain through your facial expressions.

“야 , 괜찮으세요?” Heejin asks worriedly.

“Oh, yeah! I’m fine, just a bit hot at the moment.” You explained.

“Do you feel sick?” Heejin puts her palm on your forehead.

“No! I mean! It’s a bit hot, the weather at this exact moment is making me perspire insanely.” You nervously expounded, trying to hide the fact you blushed when Heejin placed her hand on you.

“Ahhh … Okay.” Heejin reacts with glee for a façade.

You both looked straight at the path, not uttering another word, making the unspoken awkwardness of the moment slowly drain itself out of your systems. You started to fear that what you’ve done might’ve sprouted a wrong impression on Heejin, and the arrant bedlam within doubles in measure. Though looking forward, the surroundings were blurry, you’ve caught yourself in a deep thought - ultimately resonating an ineffable anguish. 

To your surprise, Heejin stops you from walking by holding your hand, and slightly tugging you back so you return to your consciousness. You look back on Heejin, who then brings out a piece of tissue paper from her pocket - and proceeds to wipe away a bit of your sweat from your temple. You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by the way you acted like a petulant child, now it was as if you were being treated like one - but in the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but feel thankful that Heejin takes care of you in the smallest ways possible.

You adjusted your glasses, and thanked Heejin sincerely. She stepped out for a few seconds to throw the used tissue in the rubbish bin, and then returned to your side casually - including planting her hand in yours again. Abiding by the main agenda of the hour, you and Heejin went on your way, only to realise you both were already in front of the newly-opened pier. You and Heejin looked at each with grimaces on your faces, followed by laughter.

“How did neither of us notice?” You exclaimed.

Heejin could only reply with a shaking head, and laughter. You let off a big sigh of relief, because you knew it was almost time for the confession, so anything that can alleviate the trepidation in your heartbeat will help. Heejin being the clueless one between you two, she was the first to walk forward and drag you down the wooden pier. True to what Heejin mentioned earlier, as far as you can see down the marina, it was just shops and small food stalls lined up next to each other.

“I don’t see any gaming booths, are you sure this is where that contest was?” Heejin asks dubiously.

“Err - yes! Maybe it’s just there at the end of the wharf. Let’s go check it out. You want to eat something at least?” You offered.

Inaccurate to what Heejin suggested earlier that staving off from nourishment would be the most sound decision since you two will be taking wacky rides later that might result in motion sickness, she agrees for another snack of the day. What was merely an excuse to distract Heejin from wondering too much, has turned to a sidetrack in motion. At first, Heejin suggested you both visit your imaginary friend who runs that Tteokbokki joint, but then you fibbed your way out of that one as you would. So, you and Heejin approached the nearest food stall hand in hand, and settled with what delicacies it had to offer.

5:30 PM

“Oooh, Churros! Oooh! Corn Dog! I want both!” Heejin exclaims.

“Arraseo.” You then turned to the storekeeper to order “Churo hangae, geurigo Condog hangae juseyo.” You said. 

The storekeeper nodded her head and started preparing your orders, all the while Heejin was just silently waiting, exuding great anticipation. Maybe the walk from there to here made Heejin a little peckish, or she’s just a connoisseur of Amusement Park grub - either of the two can explain why her eyes sparkled as she watched over the food display. Whilst waiting, Heejin just cordially hums a tune of one of Loona’s songs, and she accompanies with left to right swaying with both her arms swinging. Since you two were holding hands, your arm was also swinging along Heejin and you found it adorable, but for now you had to take a phone call, so you waved your phone at Heejin, and she nodded her head and let go.

You distanced yourself from the stall and Heejin, and leaned your arms on the railing of the other of the pier, to answer the call whilst basking in the grandeur scenery of the sea meeting the setting sun. Hurrying to answer the call, you didn’t care to take a glimpse of who was calling you, and you just picked up the call without hesitation - only to find out it was Madeleine doing what she does best.

“Hey, Champ! How’s the date going? Are you making out on a bench somewhere already?” Madeleine jests.

“Making ou- What? No! We’re not canoodling or anything, get your mind out of the gutter, Maddie … I haven’t even confessed to her yet.” You reported.

“You haven’t told her yet? It’s already evening! 아이고 ~ Step up your game, dude. Knowing you, you literally timed your confession at sunset to make it like in the movies - such a cliché thing to do.” Madeleine calls you out.

“Look, did you call by any chance to give me anything along the lines of support? Or are you just here to irk the living hell out of me?” You jabbed.

“Hey, take it easy, grumpy. I’m just calling for two things: One, yes I wanted to annoy you. It’s like my drug - I can’t go one day without hearing you blistering in irritation caused by me.”

You let out a sigh of vexation, and responded with “And the other one?”

“It’s about the patient I’m monitoring, remember the kid? Over the course of two to three weeks, she’s had some attitude changes … Like, after the second phase of the ‘Oculuzen’ treatment - when they were given the eyepatches, she started exhibiting a different behavior from the initial stage of the treatment.” Madeleine discusses.

“What do you mean? Like, she’s a completely different person?” You pondered.

“At first she was a shy kid, a total introvert, and went home from school as soon as she could. Now, it’s like they pumped her hypothalamus with 10 CCs of Dopamine and Serotonin. Jolly kid, always goes out whenever she can, making friends.” Madeleine bewrays.

“Wait a minute, don’t you think you’re just overreacting? The kid is in preschool, as she grows up, she becomes the things you just described. A lot can happen in a month’s time, even in weeks.” You bantered.

“I thought I was, but then I contacted Chaewon from Class GH-02, and she said her monitored patient is showing the same kind of behavioral changes. Same timeframe, same everything. I just talked to Doc Eunhye before I called you - she said that the ‘Oculuzen’ had that kind of hormonal effect to act like a sort of pituitary blocker, a pseudo-analgesia while the medicine does its main purpose on rebranching the genes.” Madeleine reveals.

“So what you’re telling me is that Heejin is not really in love with me? She’s just ‘drugged up’?” You rhetorically asked with a glum expression.

“I don’t know, I can’t answer that.” Madeleine admits.

“I have to go, I still have to tell Heejin what I truly feel. Take care, Maddie.”

You hung up the call, tucked your phone back in your pocket, removed your eyeglasses and wiped an incoming tear away from your left eye. You meditated what to do next, should you move forward with what you intend? Or should you hold yourself back and confirm first if this was all just an escalation from a pill. You took a gander at your wristwatch and it said 5:35 PM.

“The sun isn’t going to stay. It’s time to act.” You whispered to yourself.

You turned away from the railing, put on a forced smile, and rendezvoused to Heejin’s side. The time you were away, Heejin was already nibbling on her sustenance, patiently waiting for your return.

“What took so long? Is everything okay?” Heejin inquired out of curiosity.

“Yeah, everything is … magnificent.” You replied with a descending quality of enthusiasm.

“You want a bite?” Heejin offered.

“No, I’m golden- Oh! How much?” You remembered you were to pay.

You approached the store employee, asked her how much was due, and you handed her the exact amount. She bowed to thank, and you bowed in reciprocation. Heejin then hands you over her corn dog to hold, without knowing why, you obliged, and then Heejin revealed why. With her freehand, she reaches for yours, so you can both head down the dock whilst holding hands.
It makes your heart feel a tiny excruciating pinch that this could all be over soon, and no matter how much you’ll console yourself and try to reason ‘at least’, it will never be enough.

“가자 ?” Heejin reassures your consent.

“Yes, let us go.” You responded.

Going down the semi-deserted trail, every store you passed by, the personnel would greet you and Heejin. Some would even express how cute you were together, looking like boyfriend and girlfriend - whilst this makes Heejin blush, it was like a small puncture to your spirit. Walking through, you couldn’t help but inhale and exhale heavily, and no matter how much you tried to hide it from Heejin, it just pushes through. Heejin elected to ignore it though, because she knew bringing it up would only take a better toll on you.

The time was now 5:40 PM, the sun was halfway under the horizon, and the park lamps were beginning to be for everyone's pleasure. Reaching the end of the pier, it was evident at this point that there was no contest like you conveyed to Heejin earlier - so she began to wonder again, and this time she pressed you on for a substantial answer.

“What’s going on? We’ve looked from head to toe of the pier, and there’s no crowd or games or anything.” Heejin lightly-complains.

“Well, Heejin-ah … I have so many things to say. Obviously, the contest thingy was a fabrication. I wanted to bring you here to the pier at this particular moment in time, because I want to tell you that I’ve fallen for you…” You went on.

Heejin only gave a blink as a reaction, and she had slightly opened to add that shock in silence kind of deal. You were in the process of constructing your next statement to add on your revelation, when Heejin said the words you were hoping she would say then, but now in great fear of hearing.

“나도 너를 좋아해…” Heejin mutters.

You closed your eyes when you felt your heart take a big dip from its place to the floor. It was a bittersweet feeling, officially knowing that the person you fancied was also feeling the same way, but it could all just be an unstable form of a chemically-induced high.

“I wanted to tell you this, because you had the right to know why I act this way when I’m with you. Jeon Heejin, I am completely enamoured with you. So it makes me a torn man to tell you that you also have the right to know that the medicine you’re taking is making you function this way....”

“난 이해가 안돼-” Heejin responded before you cut her off.

“The medicine you’re taking significantly boosts your Dopamine and Serotonin output. Dopamine is partially responsible for making us fall in love. What you feel for me could just be something else …” You explained.

You took the unfinished churro from Heejin’s hand, and with both snacks, you gave Heejin some space when you stepped to the side to place these at the unoccupied bench. After doing so, you turned around back to Heejin to try and ameliorate the tension you just implemented - when she had the jump on you with her uncalled for surprise.

Not even waiting for another word from you, Heejin kissed you. She wrapped her arms around your shoulders and kissed you deeply. The only proper reaction was to close your eyes and kiss her back. You couldn’t help but shed a tear, and when Heejin disconnected her lips from yours, you both opened your eyes to see the two of you elicited a tear from your right eye. You both shared a relieved chuckle, and then you placed both your palms on both of Heejin’s cheeks. She couldn’t resist shedding another tear, so you wiped it away with your finger.

“The truth is I don’t care if it’s just because of heightened chemicals. The truth is I’m in love with you, Jeon Heejin.” You professed.

Heejin couldn’t paint her thoughts in words anymore, all she could do was cry in happiness. So you hugged her, and guided her head to rest on your shoulder. And with this, the last beam of the scintillating ray of the sun follows its giver under the mass body of water. You were hoping something along the lines of you and Heejin both staring out into the twilight, but it could’ve gone worse, so this was just perfect. After a few minutes, Heejin surfaces her head from your shoulder and asks the question you never thought she would.

“So, there is no contest for the Everland tickets?”

-

April 25th, 2019 - 11:05 AM [Thursday, Seoul National University Hospital]

Three months have passed since that fateful day, when you and Heejin established your feelings for one another, and addressed it with the suitable course of action - that was to say yes like you would’ve that day, the day after, and over and over. As mentioned before, Loona’s schedule was packed from February all the way to July, and maybe even longer - but April was a month of rest. During the days of Loona’s activities, you would be there for Heejin, behind the stage or in the crowd drawing near whenever she needed her ‘support entity’, her boyfriend, or most importantly - you. With this came the role of being Loona’s pseudo-nurse, whenever a member would need something medically-related, they would consult you. Safe to say overtime, your relationship with Loona grew as well, you’ve befriended all of these twelve girls.

Now that the degree of the schedule has made its way to the period of repose, and the degree of your classes’ intensity has reduced because the semester was nearing the end, it’s mostly just exams upcoming - you had a chance to finally talk to Doctor Eunhye about the miniscule concern you had.
You knocked on the door of her office, and you heard a voice telling you to come in, so you did. Upon entering you see Doctor Eunhye on her desk phone, talking with someone important, you can only assume. Maybe not? Soon you entered, she hung up anyway, or maybe the conversation had come to an end in perfect timing to your arrival. Putting that aside, you greeted Doctor Eunhye a good morning, and she gestured to you to take a seat.

Once seated, you were about to speak, when the door opened once more, and when you and Doctor Eunhye turned around, you both saw Madeleine coming in to join the discussion.

“I haven’t seen you two here in my office at the same time for quite some time now. Mostly because the loverboy here indulged himself with Heejin too much.” Doctor Eunhye jested.

Madeleine responded with a snigger towards you, but then you glared at her with a blank face, and she suppressed her sneering and reverted back to a serious face.

“Anyway, Doc. Maddie and I want to discuss something with you. Something about the medicine that the big, grown-up pharmaceuticals company that this hospital hearkens to under its discretion to be given to its patients.” You initiated.

“Are your patients all right? Did some kind of significant side effect happen that the ‘Oculuzen’ caused?” Doctor Eunhye questions.

“No, Doc. The ‘Oculuzen’, Each and every single one of the patients in this treatment program had a behavioral change  at the exact same time, with the exact same type of modification - they are as happy as trippers, without the psychedelics.” Madeleine explained.

“Well, all were informed that the ‘Oculuzen’ would have its effects. Wouldn’t you two agree that it was better our patients are on cloud nine, rather than them suffering some sort of abdomen discomfort?” Doctor Eunhye tries to lead you and Madeleine into a positive perspective.

“Yes, we are glad that our patients just have this rather than another, but we want to know why. Like you said, it was said that the medicine will have its effects, but it never said that it would need that since the gene-shifting would not harm the body at all - if I recall precisely, you said to Maddie this effect was acting as a ‘pseudo-analgesia’. What are you hiding?” You started to interrogate Doctor Eunhye.

“I am not hiding anything, you two are incoming fourth year med students, the medicine we are giving the patients in this program are having their genetic coding reconfigured - if you think that does not take a toll on the body to react accordingly, you two have wasted your pre-med years.” Doctor Eunhye retaliates.

“We might have, but our concern is with what was written in the paper, what was broadcasted all over Korean national television, and what you just said. It was clearly stated no harmful side effects were to happen during the intake of the medicine, and the entirety of this program. If what you said disproves what was legally declared - then either you or this institute is lying.” Madeleine refers to the mismatching of information, and referencing the ‘CV Committee’.

“Why are you two doing this? Is it because you can’t sleep at night wondering whether your idol girlfriend is really in love with you?!” Doctor Eunhye claps back at you.

“No … It’s because twenty students signed their name in a binding agreement, that if anyone were to take action like we are right now but only a step further, we can land with a lawsuit on our hands, and a deportation with a debarredment from medical schools left and right.” You retorted.

Doctor Eunhye was left speechless with what you answered back, and she understood the lie you said was for the sake of everyone’s peace. Doctor Eunhye unlocked the vault she had behind her, and fetched a set of dossiers. She stood up from her chair and walked over to where you and Madeleine were seated. She handed over these documents for your viewing pleasure.

“What is this?” Madeleine asked Doctor Eunhye.

“The clinical trial results of ‘Oculuzen’, reports, findings, and signed legalities by Caelum Pharmaceuticals.”

You and Madeleine scramble through these papers, scanning through the reports and paperwork. Doctor Eunhye’s impatience gets the best of her, and fishes out the document you and Madeleine needed to read, and the document the doctor wanted to bring to your attention.
She handed over this document to Madeleine, and she invited you to take a quick read on it at the same time as Madeleine did. You stood up from your chair and moved over to Madeleine’s, only to read the last sentence of the paper where it really mattered.

“The MEDICINE, hereto stated in this report as ‘Oculuzen’, has been proven to have little to no significance in the recovery of the patients during clinical trials. A significant boost in [Thiamine] Vitamins B1 to 12, and Creatine have been traced to 89% of the overall patient roll at hospitals; Queen’s Grace Hospital, New Hampshire Medical Center, and Kowloon Medical Center. “

You and Madeleine looked at each other with shocked eyes, and you both looked at Doctor Eunhye who seemed a little regretful of the piece of information she withheld for a long time.

“You mean to tell us that ‘Oculuzen’ is really nothing more than just a multivitamins tablet?!” Madeleine stresses.

“Yes … ‘Oculuzen’ had no real effect on the recovery of Amblyopia patients. After the clinical trials, all the patients were given patching treatment, like the old-fashioned way to treat lazy eye. Caelum Pharmaceuticals passed it off as part of the clinical trial, and when it yielded the results it normally would, they included it in for the TGA to approve in Australia. Soon, they banded with the Korean administration, and modified the treatment plan to make it seem like the medicine had effect, when only it did nothing to completely cure the ailment on its own.” Doctor Eunhye revealed.

“It doesn’t explain the behavioral changes.” You pressed on.

“They also changed the effects of the medicine, making it identical to Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, only it also boosted the Dopamine levels of the user.” Doctor Eunhye answers well.

Doctor Eunhye went closer to you and Madeleine and placed her hand on your shoulder and Madeleine’s.

“I’m sorry that I lied. I’m sorry the two of you were led to believe we were striving for something revolutionary. Think of it this way, at least we’re still helping people, it’s not like this treatment program doesn’t come with a merit - in the end our patients will still be cured.” Doctor Eunhye tries to reconcile.

“But how many more people, companies, and institutions will you swindle? How much greed can this hospital allow? Didn’t you feel at the slightest bit guilty? Some of the patients in our treatment program are scratching and digging through the ground just to find the money to continue their ‘miraculous’ healing sessions!” You argued.

“I’m sorry, guys. I know you must think I’m a bad person right now, but please know that I am repulsed as much as you two are the moment I learned about this. But there was nothing I could do. I'm a physician of this hospital who also has bosses, with her name legally-dragged like yours.” Doctor Eunhye apologises for the last time.

Doctor Eunhye lets go of you and Madeleine, and starts to reorganise the dossiers she brought out. After a while, Doctor Eunhye was able to gather them all in an arranged manner, and she brought them back inside the vault where it belonged. Getting the confrontation out of the way, you and Madeleine realised you’ve both achieved what you wanted to attain, yet it never dawned on the two of you its costs. You and Madeleine stood up from your chairs, and left the good doctor’s office. Once out the door, Madeleine’s dejection gets the best of her and she starts weeping.

You can understand her frustrations that you two, even safe to say that you three including Doctor Eunhye, were used by a corrupt system that took advantage of individuals who only have genuine expectations. If the avarice overflew from the top, then it all falls down to the bottom, and you felt that you were an accessory to such deception - you felt what Madeleine probably felt as well.

Out of commiseration and comfort, you embraced the crying Madeleine. Madeleine buries her head on your shoulder, and the silent snivelling she was trying to conceal starts to be heard all over the hallway.

12:10 PM [Canteen of Seoul National University Hospital]

An hour and more goes by, thus you find yourself at the canteen at this hour with Madeleine dilatory munching on lunch. Though the pain isn’t as severe as it was the time back, it was still disconcerting. You and Madeleine were just staring at your meals, playing with the rice using your spoons. Wanting to remain unbothered, you felt a tap on your shoulder and reacted with annoyance. When you looked up, you saw Heejin with Doctor Eunhye - it appears the doc led her to you after their supposed check up.

“Love! Blimey - what are you doing here?” You asked out of inexpectancy. 

“I had my check up today, remember?” Heejin reminds you.

“Right, must’ve slipped my mind.” You said as you got up from your seat and kissed Heejin on the cheek.

“Do you still have classes? I was thinking maybe you want to go somewhere?” Heejin tries to clue in a date.

“I still have my 2 PM, actually. Anatomy Class until 6, I won’t see you until dinner time.” You answered.

“Actually, we don’t have Anatomy anymore, Dr. Kim Hyewon has a procedure this afternoon. She announced that we’ll just have a make-up class tomorrow.” Madeleine fully informs you.

“Ah, great!  Do you have to do something else? If not, maybe we can go?” Heejin urges you.

“No! Nothing at all, we can go. You and me, we’re going now.” You said with haste.

Heejin hugs you out of felicity, whilst you look over at Madeleine with scorn. You and Madeleine knew that what you said was a lie with having classes - and you only wanted to keep a reasonable distance from Heejin until such time you can gather your thoughts around yourself as an extension of this institute, and as her loving boyfriend.

Madeleine gives you a devious smile, and now she finds the time to take a spoonful of her meal. Ending the hug, you and Heejin bowed goodbye to Doctor Eunhye, and left the canteen. Seconds after you sprint back because you forgot your bag. A chuckle from Doctor Eunhye and Madeleine proceeds, and you are brought back to the reality of it - you three are more banded together than you ever were thanks to a commonality. You didn’t pay attention to anything else but to getting back to Heejin, so you were a little jolted when Doctor Eunhye grabbed you by the shoulders as you passed her by.

“Tell her the truth. If you really love her, you would.” Doctor Eunhye whispered to you.

You nodded your head, and left as quickly as you could. Jogging down the hallway to Heejin, you were still unclear on how to say it. Can’t it wait? Does it really have to be now?
Heejin sees you coming down the corridor, and she gives off that vibrant smile. And in that second, that very second you saw her glow, everything slowed down and you found the words you needed. You grabbed Heejin by the hand, and led her outside to the driveway.

What Heejin thought was a go for an afternoon date, you stopped her on her track, and with your other hand you held her with both.

“Heejin-ah, there’s something you need to know. You need to know that I love you very very dearly, you need to know what I know. That day when they told me that I was going to be your ‘SE’ (Support Entity), I was filled with nothing but bliss. Right now, I’m in need of you, because the truth is you are my life support. You are the only sole thing that keeps me grounded and sane, you and your love.” You opened.

“나도 사랑해…” Heejin replies.

“I will always be the luckiest man on this planet, to be next to you is enough, but to have your love just transcends me to something I cannot explain, but I could always feel - every single time I’m around you.” You continued.

“Love.” Heejin whispers to you.

“You need to know that the treatment was just a sort of exaggeration. The medicine you were taking wasn’t doing anything at all for your eye … I thought that it was, I thought we were shaping the advancement of the medical field, but we’ve done nothing but only fill an immoral fews’ intemperance to the brim- What I’m saying, I’m sorry. I should’ve known sooner, by trying to do right by you, I’ve completely done the opposite, I jus-”

You weren’t done explaining your thoughts when Heejin gave you a kiss on the lips. Either to shut you up or to tell you what her thoughts were in return, it didn’t matter.After a few seconds, Heejin did respond.

“Real or not, a waste of time and money or not, there’s only one thing I have in mind when I think back to that day. That day was the day I met you, and if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would without changing a single thing.” Heejin consoles you.

You lifted both of Heejin’s hands to kiss and caress with your cheeks.

“Saranghaeyo, Heejin-ah.” You said as you kissed her forehead.

“What do we do now?” Heejin asks you.

“Well, your treatment is over. You’ve shown tremendous progress, from time to time you’ll have to go back to Doctor Eunhye to update the status of your eye. Amblyopia can return if not surveilled properly. What we’re trying to avoid now is the further need for surgery.” You answered.

“No, not that, I meant now. What are we gonna do now?!” Heejin asks you with glee.

“Well, how about that date? Take me anywhere you please, miss.” You said as you ran your hand through Heejin’s hair.

You let go of one of Heejin’s hands and you both continued walking down the pavement of SNUH towards the exit gate. And from that day on, you knew there was never any beginning and certainly there wouldn’t be any end of your love for Heejin, and you were someone she can always depend on.