Note: Those parts whose indentions were increased, they're flashbacks hehe.

 

 

BACKTRACK

 

This heavy silence I can never get rid of no matter what. This hollow feeling left in my heart. The mundane days spent after losing you, I had always yearned for happiness that nothing or no one else can provide. So to cure this, I’ll walk back to my days with you.

 

 

“Track 1: Memories Bring Back Memories.”

 

Sakura pushed a gate open and entered, looking around the perfectly watered plants and flowers, hearing the casual chirping of birds.

 

“First stop, to the place where we first met. The place where everything started.”

 

“Sakura,” a middle-aged woman got out of a door and welcomed her, enveloping her in a tight hug. They separated shortly and the woman looked delighted to see her. “Welcome back, child.”

 

Sakura smiled softly. “She told me to, so,” she said, shrugging playfully. The middle-aged woman chuckled. “I don’t want to anger my captain. She might scold me in my dreams.” Sakura added.

 

“I’m just there in my room to finish some work. You can walk around or stop by the workshop if you want.” The old woman tapped Sakura’s shoulder before walking back inside the house, leaving Sakura by the front yard.

 

Sakura started to walk around. “The flowers never changed. Mom always made sure they’re watered well, blooming prettily, withstanding the windy rainy days.”

 

Sakura entered a traditional-looking gate. She got curious as she was wandering around the neighborhood, wanting to explore.

 

“Hello? How may I help you?” she turned around to where the voice came from and was greeted by a woman looking just like her age. She didn’t answer and started staring at her instead like she just saw a goddess. The woman too did the same thing.

 

“Eunbi-yah! Where are you? Help me out here!” A middle-aged woman shouted. The woman who seemed to go by the name Eunbi was cut off of her trance when she was called out.

 

“Coming, mom!” She turned away before stopping briefly and turned back at Sakura who still didn’t move an inch. “Uhm… just wait here please. I’ll attend to you shortly.”

 

“Eunbi! I need you here now!”

 

“Yes, mom!” Eunbi turned away and finally entered the house. Sakura realized the girl left her, and not really sure why she went inside, she decided to get out of the place and just visit some other time.

 

“You looked… mesmerized, now thinking back about it. You must find me pretty, huh~”

 

Of course. No questions asked.

 

“I don’t really believe in love at first sight, but I guess you’re the only exception.”

 

Sakura entered the workshop where she used to make a bowl, a cup, and other stuff that can be molded through clay.

 

"You'd walk over to the machine and sit timidly on the stool. You take a handful of clay, and place it on the pottery wheel, let it run, and start molding the clay to whatever you want it."

 

“Hi! Would you like me to assist you?” Sakura turned to the owner of the voice, seeing the woman she met last time.

 

“Uh, yeah. Please. Sure. Thank you,” Sakura mumbled hurriedly. The woman chuckled at Sakura’s silliness.

 

“Alright. By the way, I’m Kwon Eunbi.” Eunbi held out her hand.

 

“Miyawaki Sakura.” Sakura was about to take Eunbi’s hand when she looked at her own hand which was dirty because of clay.

 

Eunbi took Sakura’s hand and shook it without hesitation. “Nice to meet you, Sakura. Now, let’s get to it!”

 

Sakura started to run the pottery wheel, and slowly took away more small lumps of clay to get the perfect size she wants to work on. It was her third time coming here, in a pottery shop in this neighborhood she just moved into. She never saw Eunbi, who is apparently the owner’s daughter after the first time she met the girl. She was taught by the middle-aged woman the basics, and would always leave her by herself in this workshop area.

 

“Oops, you might want to cover that crack up,” Eunbi said in a warning tone, stopping Sakura.

 

“Oh, wait...” Sakura stopped the pottery wheel and tried to dab on the crack lightly. The pot that she’s currently making is getting messed up each and every try as she does everything to get rid of it. “Ah!” Sakura groaned regretfully when the pot was finally done for.

 

“It’s okay, Sakura. Let’s just do another one.”

 

“You looked cute when you failed to resurrect the pot.” Eunbi giggled. “But at least because of that I got to spend time with you to know you better.”

 

You're also acting lovey-dovey when I try to make some clay pots. Sakura laughed to herself as she's currently making one.

 

"Whenever you have trouble making the form you wanted, I'd always reach out from your back and assist your hands in making it."

 

"Let me help you, Kkura-yah," Eunbi sat behind Sakura and slid her hands on both sides of Sakura's waist. She reached out for her girlfriend's hands and held them, moving it on her will with Sakura following along. Sakura ran the pottery wheel again.

 

"This is just like the movie 'Ghost,' huh," Sakura said, grinning.

 

"You know I'm quite romantic," Eunbi mumbled. Since Sakura's slightly taller than her, Eunbi couldn't rest her chin on Sakura's shoulder, so all she could do was peek from her shoulder and lean forward, making her take a sniff of Sakura's floral scent.

 

"Oh yes you are," Sakura chuckled. Eunbi leaned closer to Sakura's back, almost nuzzling her nose against Sakura's comfy hoodie.

 

Sakura stole a kiss on Eunbi's cheek. "A 'thank you' for helping me today, Eunbi-seonsaengnim,"

 

"You know this is not enough, Sakura-ssi," Eunbi whispered, staring straight into Sakura's eyes.

 

"I know, ma'am," Sakura uttered before kissing Eunbi on the lips.

 

"We're quite lucky mom wouldn't walk in on us."

 

Yeah… we often do that, but now it's just me, trying to remember how your touch feels like whenever we do this together.

 

She continued making a medium-sized vase. After two hours, she's making finishing touches to it. She stood up from the stool and walked over to the sink to wash her hands. Once she dried off her hands completely, she exited the workshop and walked to Eunbi's house which is the first thing you'll see when you enter the gate.

 

"Oh, Sakura, sit down there already and I'll serve our lunch now," Mrs. Kwon said as she saw Sakura watching her from the living room. She knew the drill, so she made herself at home and sat in the dining area immediately. In no time, there was already food on the table with Mrs. Kwon seated in front of her.

 

"I'm glad you came, Sakura," Mrs. Kwon said in between bites of the food.

 

"Of course, omma. Anything for her and you."

 

"Come on, it's just me left. You don't have any responsibility for me now that she's…" Mrs. Kwon trailed off as if she can't handle finishing the sentence. Even now, that word is still hard to utter.

 

"Omma," Sakura called on Mrs. Kwon in a stern voice. She dropped her utensils on their places and grabbed the hand Mrs. Kwon had rested on the table. "You're already my mother no matter what."

 

Mrs. Kwon smiled. "Eunbi found a great person in you. Eunbi always said it all the time. She's blessed to have met someone like you."

 

"I am much more blessed, omma. She was the one who made my life more wonderful."

 

Mrs. Kwon stood up and left for a while and came back right after.

 

“Here, Sakura.” Mrs. Kwon handed over a small package to Sakura. “Eunbi wrote in her letter to give you that once you come back here again.”

 

-----+-----+-----

 

“Track 2: Locked and Loaded.”

 

Sakura went to Namsan Tower and immediately walked to where the love locks were located. As usual, it is packed with locals and tourists alike. She took out a small package and opened it, revealing a lock, key, and a marker inside. I didn’t forget to bring it this time, Eun.

 

“Kkura-yah~ let’s hurry before more people come!” Eunbi shouted as she was already two meters away from her girlfriend.

 

“Wait… Eun… my legs are wobbly already...” Sakura said, panting.

 

“Tsk,” Eunbi clicked her tongue before walking back to her girlfriend and grabbed her hand for them to walk together.

 

“Aish Kkura. I’ve been telling you to join me in my pilates classes and you won’t,” Eunbi hissed as she practically drags Sakura with her.

 

“Oh come on Eun, going there’s not gonna work coz all I would do there is stare at you instead of listening to the trainer— OW!”

 

“Kkura-yah, you’re getting bolder these days, what’s gotten into you?”

 

“Ehe, but admit it Kwon Eunbi-ssi, you like it~” Sakura answered, chuckling tiredly yet wiggling her eyebrows effortlessly.

 

Even though Eunbi can’t see the naughty grin on Sakura’s face, she rolled her eyes and answered without a thought, “Oh yeah yeah, I love it.”

 

“Aha, I knew it.”

 

“Shush. You’ll get easily tired if you keep on talking.”

 

“But I know you’ll charge me up—”

 

Eunbi turned to look at her and glared at her.

 

“—alright, just as you said I’ll shush,” Sakura grumbled.

 

“You look cute though when you’re grumpy...“

 

Eunbi blushed at the remark Sakura mumbled. All throughout their walk she has a silly smile plastered on her face.

 

“Okay! Where’s the lock?” Eunbi asked Sakura, as she held out her hand to have it. Sakura opened her bag and rummaged inside it.

 

“Aré?” She continued to look inside her bag. “I remember I put it here yesterday...”

 

“What!?!?!? You forgot it? How could youuu,” Eunbi whined.

 

“I’m sorry Eun! I swear I put it here inside!” Sakura tried to reason out.

 

“Aish, let’s just buy another one!” She marched towards the store, stomping her feet. Sakura followed her looking meekly with her head down.

 

"Don't tell me you forgot the marker?" Eunbi looked back at Sakura, glaring again.

 

"Of course not," Sakura answered in a pout.

 

"Write down..."

 

M.S. <3 K.E.B. 

 

"... M.S. <3 M.S." 

 

Sakura was baffled. "What?" I will not do this, Eun. 

 

"I know you'd get stubborn and won't write it, but please do... because I want you to love yourself more. Who's gonna take care of you if I'm not there?" 

 

Sakura hissed. "Geez, Eun. Saying that, you're gonna make it harder for me to let go." She shook her head in disbelief and proceeded in just following her. She wrote as she was told to, but then decided to write something on the other side of the lock. 

 

"Sorry not sorry, Eun." She approached the rails and chose a nice spot to lock it on. After locking it, she stared at it as she had it placed on her palm. She caressed her own writing of the letters and smiled. She kept the key in a small box and turned away to resume her journey. 

 

M.S. <3 K.E.B. and I'll always do :p 

 

"So, what did you write, Kkura-yah?"

 

"You wrote something else didn't you?" 

 

"Secret, Eun." 

 

It's a secret, Eun. 

 

"I bet you're saying right now that it's a secret, huh." 

 

You know me really well, Eunbi. Even without words. 

 

Sakura smirked at the thought as she got to reminisce while walking to her next destination. 

 

-----+-----+-----

 

"Track 3: Written in the Stars." 

 

"Where do you think I am right now, Sakura?" 

 

"Maybe up there in the sky? With the stars staring down on me?" Sakura answered, looking up at the sky even without seeing those little twinkles because of the pollution in the city. She’s sitting on the usual bench that they occupy whenever they stop by Banpo Bridge at Han River.

 

"I hope I'm in a good place now. Would heaven look like how it was depicted in the movies?"

 

"Well, they don't call it paradise for nothing," Sakura chuckled as she remembers how Eunbi would ask random questions out of the blue. "I'm just curious," she always reasons out. And that's one of the things she loves about the woman. Eunbi is adventurous and inquisitive of the world, while Sakura's caught up in her world of letters and books. Hearing those kinds of questions makes her riled up in thinking philosophically and out of the box.

 

"Is the glass half empty or half full?"

 

Sakura gawked at Eunbi's question. "Where did you even get that?" She stopped typing at her laptop and stared at Eunbi through her eyeglasses who's busy looking at her camera. They stopped by Banpo Bridge to get some air before separating ways after their date.

 

"Well—" Eunbi shrugged— "I don't know…" she responded while scrolling through her photos.

 

Sakura snickered. "Tss, you never run out of crazy questions, Eun."

 

"Uh-huh, of course." Eunbi flipped her hair with her hand as she looked at Sakura knowingly.

 

"Seriously, Eun. I think I would be able to write a whole book with a thousand pages— or even more! Full of your questions with unfinished answers and left for the readers to figure out the rest for themselves."

 

"Hey, that's a good idea! Do that for your next book!" Eunbi beamed at the idea, clinging to her girlfriend's arm and making making a cute face just to make her girlfriend consider it.

 

"I don't really fear death, I think. But one thing I'm sure that I fear is leaving behind the people that I love sad and lonely. Oh." 

 

"Then that means you'd fear death too, idiot." 

 

"Not an idiot, Kkura-yah. How do I explain this? Death is there forever. It's the end. If it's my time, it's my time. But I want to die knowing that I have given all the love I can give to my one and only. And that's my biggest regret. I still haven't given everything, Sakura.”

 

"But I beg to differ, Eunbi. I think you've given more than your all. I'm the one who wasn't able to pour out everything I have." 

 

"Thinking what you might be thinking right now as you hear this, I think you're saying it's you." Eunbi chuckles. "Well, I guess we both have the same regret we'll live with forever. I'd spend eternity here in the afterlife watching and waiting for you." 

 

"I can go there so you won't have to wait." 

 

"Don't you even think of going here early so I won't have to wait!" 

 

Sakura laughed her heart out. "HAHAHAHAHA. How the hell do you know what I'll reply, Eun. Did you know this was coming?"

 

"I know what you're thinking, Kkura-yah. I know that this is my end. I can feel that I won't last long. And going back to living with the regret of not loving you enough, I think I have an answer to that now." Eunbi huffed a breath out. "Do me a favor. Love yourself for me. Take care of yourself for me. Until the moment comes that you're doing it for yourself. I'm definitely gone when you get to hear this, but I want you to realize that I'm always here. You might think there's nothing left for you, but surely there's more. Embrace it. Every moment of your life. No matter how terrible or nice it was, it is, or will be." 

 

Sakura took a sip of her beer. "You're making me do something I don't think I can do." She sniffed, as she slowly got colder any minute. She's been listening with her headphones on and mumbling by herself as she was responding to Eunbi's recording, but she didn't care.

 

-----+-----+-----

 

"Track 4: Hush."

 

Sakura finally laid down on a bed in an empty bedroom. She stared outside the open window, still trying to find any star that might pop up despite the smog up in the sky.

 

"It's been a long day, isn't it?"

 

"Yeah…"

 

There was silence both in the room and on the tape.

 

"I miss you, Eun." "I miss you, Kkura."

 

Eunbi chuckled. "I'm gonna miss saying that. Even though you're already with me most of the time. You must be wondering how come I was able to do all of this. I think you know the answer."

 

As if it was all planned along, Sakura indeed got the answer immediately.

 

"Eun, please, take this medicine."

 

"No. I don't have any time left so what's the use of it." Eunbi crossed her arms and looked out of the window as if there was anything interesting to see.

 

"It's to at least make you feel better, Eun. Please," Sakura said, pleading.

 

"I said no, Kkura-yah. What part of it do you not understand?" Eunbi answered, gritting her teeth.

 

"But you need it, Eun. You need to do it whether you like it or not."

 

"I've had enough of it, Kkura-yah," Eunbi answered, getting annoyed.

 

"But you—"

 

"I said I've had enough of it!"

 

Silence instantly filled the room.

 

Sighing, Eunbi broke it after a few seconds. "Sakura, I don't want to take any of that now. Not now, not ever. Just—" Eunbi stopped and closed her eyes shut. She knows Sakura meant well, and she just snapped at her. She doesn’t want to drag the conversation any longer.

 

Sakura stepped backward. "Okay, Eun. I'll just… leave this here then…" she trailed off and placed the small tray with Eunbi’s medication for the night on the bedside table. "I'll… I'll go now…" she walked backwards and bumped her back on the door. She slid it open with her hand, looking wary. She glanced at Eunbi one last time before saying, “Good night, Eun,” and walking out of the room finally before closing the door gently.

 

“I got irritated at you at that time, Kkura-yah. I’m sorry.”

 

Sakura felt tears threatening to fall down.

 

“Seeing you get hurt because of me, I don’t want to see that anymore. That’s one of the reasons why I decided to do this.”

 

“Kwon Eunbi, who gave you the right to do this to me, huh?” She raised her arm and covered her eyes with it, biting her lower lip as she’s trying to prevent the tears from falling. The recording was silent until...

 

"Through the endless daydream”

 

As soon as Sakura heard Eunbi’s singing, a lone tear escaped her eye.

 

“I saw you on the way back

There I walked with you in my arms

Through the blurry darkness

Who's veiling on the twilight

We've been far away from my fears

Somewhere else I'll see you

Our days be like a blossom

Blooming all around you

So bright

By and by

I'll miss you

And your laugh like a sunshine

Fading into shadow of tears

 

All around me is your light

With you

Everything so shines

How come we'll leave all behind

'Cause your love is falling

On my heart

And I'm falling for you

Falling with broken wings again”

 

“Eunbi—” Sakura finally bawled her eyes out as the chorus came.

 

“Hush now my angel

I will always be with you

In your pretty smile

In a glow of tears

Out across the frosty night

I'll be there with you

 

Maybe someday

You'll wake up alone without me

But don't cry again

I'll be waiting here

Where the moon is on the rise

As the olden days”

 

“Why Eunbi, why...”

 

“I could just go with you

Between our time

Where they can't find us

Somehow

You could just come away

With me out there

Where we could dream away

All day

 

Hush now my angel

I will always be with you

In your pretty smile

In a glow of tears

Out across the frosty night

I'll be there with you

 

Maybe you'll always breath in me

Ever in my heart

All the little pieces of you

Look how they shine above

Come away with me tonight

We'll be dreaming away there

 

Maybe you'll always breath in me

Ever in my heart

All the little pieces of you

Look how they shine above

Come away with me tonight

We'll be dreaming away there

 

Always"

 

“Why do you have to sing that, Kwon Eunbi?” Sakura asked in between stifles.

 

“Hush now, my cherry blossom. It’s a new day tomorrow. Good night Kkura-yah. I love you.” The recording ended shortly.

 

Sakura turned off the cassette player and held it with her arms despite it not being that huge.

 

Alone in a dark empty bedroom, she curled her body, trying to remember the nights where she still had someone beside her.

 

“Good night, Eunbi...”

 

-----

A/N: 

Eunbi's monologue in Track 3, Do you guys understand? She's not afraid to die, cause if it's her time, it's her time, but the thing she fears is leaving her loved ones sad. When she dies she doesn't want anyone to cry and grieve, but instead, be relieved (is that the right term? I think not but I hope you'd get the point) that her suffering is over and that she's in a much better place.

I don't have time to research about pottery making so I just went with how I think things happen hehehehe. I think I'm gonna edit that part when I got some free time.

I myself didn't expect that I'd put a different "Hush" (which was by Lasse Lindh) in the story. It naturally came to me as I was writing this story before sleeping. But I hope I'm able to somehow incorporate the message of Sungkyu's "Hush" in the story.

This is a-side, so obviously there'd be a b-side ksksksks. I'll write it in between study breaks (just a sophosticated word for 'procrastination' HAHAHAHA) as I'm loaded with school works. College + lockdown is definitely the worst combination. Anyways, I'll end my blabbering here and continue doing college stuff. Comments and upvotes are greatly appreciated!

Till the next read!