Joohyun woke up in the middle of the night, feeling a discomfort on her right shoulder. It was something heavy and breathing on her neck. She rubbed her eyes trying to get back to her senses when she realized the heavy thing was Seulgi. The past events quickly came back to her memory, especially the kiss.

‘’.’’ She whispered, patting her lower pockets to find her phone. 3:29 am. She breathed in deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose thinking about what to do. She gently pushed Seulgi off of her shoulder and sat back up on the bed. She thought about waking up the woman but she was in deep sleep. On her phone she had four missed calls from Sooyoung and although that was unusual she decided to ignore it.

Her mind drifted back to the kiss she shared with Seulgi. It was a comforting kiss and she couldn’t deny she enjoyed it. The proof were her fingers going automatically up to her lips as if to remember the sensation of Seulgi’s lips against hers. She looked at her left, staring at the woman who seemed to be peacefully sleeping.

Joohyun decided that for now it was better to ignore whatever had happened, even though she was surprised that the kiss took so long to happen. Or that it did finally happen. She wasn’t sure. There were so many, so so many opportunities that could have turned into so much more than a kiss with her but it never did. Joohyun was convinced after a while that her relationship with Seulgi was strictly friendly even more so after yesterday’s revelation of her affair with Jisoo. Thinking about this, a wave of insecurity came over Joohyun. Maybe, just maybe Seulgi did not have any feelings for her, maybe it was just a way of comforting her. Afterall, she started the kiss. Seulgi might have as well just reciprocated not to hurt her even more. She put a hand on her stomach, feeling it tighten. All sleep was suddenly washed away and she looked at Seulgi with a pout on her lips. Whatever it was in between them they would have to put a name on it. But Joohyun was not sure she could find the strength to find out the answer, even more so if it ought to be a rejection.

She decided to lie back down. It was too late to go home. She would have to wake up at 5am. At least she could get a bit of sleep before tomorrow.

It seemed like seconds later that two incessant ringing sounds resonated in the on-call room. Joohyun’s body jumped hearing the ringing, rushing to turn it off. She noticed Seulgi still sleeping and shook the woman by her shoulder so that she would turn off her phone. The latter slowly woke up and when she managed to turn it off, Joohyun mumbling a ‘finally’ slowly getting up from the bed. Seulgi kept on staring at the top bunk as if she was staring into the void, her mind slowly waking up. Joohyun did not say anything. She knew Seulgi was absolutely unable to talk in the hour she woke up. Joohyun did not quite understood how Seulgi’s condition worked, the latter always very private about its origins. But from what she gathered it had to do with stress, and often hurt because she did not speak as much as everyone, thus the muscle being much less trained and used to her talking. It always had amazed her that in the OR she was able to overcome all kinds of stress. It was fascinating for Joohyun to observe Seulgi in the OR and listen to her voice as she calmly instructed her team on what to do.

‘’Do you have any surgeries today?’’ Joohyun finally asked in a hoarse voice and Seulgi blinked a few times, turning her head to the right. She shook her head for a no, her eyes fluttering close. Joohyun smiled at this.

‘’I’ll go shower and change scrubs I don’t smell so good.’’ She joked and observed how Seulgi smelled her own scrubs and her face scrunched in displeasure. ‘’See you later?’’ Joohyun asked tilting her head to the side, smiling a bit. Seulgi furrowed her brows looking at Joohyun, before nodding her head, and Joohyun smiled, leaving the room.

‘’You look like .’’ Jisoo greeted Joohyun who got out of the shower. Her hair was still wet, but she had an hour left before her first rounds. She didn’t bother to reply back to Jisoo focusing on making her green tea.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ Jisoo asked, sitting on the couch munching on a donut. Joohyun looked at her and wondered how did this girl eat so much sugar but maintained an amazing figure.

‘’Good. It’s part of the job.’’ She automatically replied, not even thinking about the question. She did not want to break down again, especially not in the attending’s lounge. These kinds of subjects were always tricky for surgeons and they tried to avoid them. They never talked about their statistics.

‘’Your sister’s assisting me for a cataract surgery at 2 today.’’

‘’That’s good. Hope she’s well prepared.’’

‘’She will. I sent her to the lab for these past few days. There’s no way she is not.’’

‘’I wonder what specialty she will choose.’’ Joohyun wondered out loud, before silence took over the room again. Other attendants entered the room, Jisoo and Joohyun greeting them. A few minutes later, Seulgi entered the room Jisoo immediately greeting her. Seulgi did not react but instead showed her the finger, making Joohyun choke on her tea.

‘’Yup, you’re still mad. Great.’’ Jisoo mumbled hiding behind her mug of coffee. Seulgi greeted everyone and went straight to the coffee machine, tapping her fingers impatiently against the table waiting for it to pour.

Joohyun quickly lost focus on whatever was happening around her, biting the edge of mug not even realizing she was blatantly staring at Seulgi’s . She knew Seulgi must have taken a smaller scrub today, because usually its form would not show that well. She knew it, because Seulgi told her, not because she had been staring at it at many occasions. Of course not.

‘’Ehem,’’ she heard Seulgi clear and finally looked up, only to see Seulgi staring back at her all red, Jisoo laughing next to her.

‘’S-sorry,’’ Joohyun stuttered, ‘’I-I was thinking about my surgery.’’ She tried to excuse but her reddened face betrayed her. Seulgi seemed to be as red as her. She took her coffee and bowed in front of Joohyun and other attendings and left the room but not without glaring at Jisoo.

‘’You should ask her how many squats she does each night.’’ Jisoo joked.

‘’Shut up.’’ Joohyun gritted through her teeth, patting her cheeks and leaving the room to go to her office.

It had been two hours that Seulgi was locked up in the neuro lab, in front of her a laptop and a prosthetic brain. She did not even know what she was doing and she hated those days without surgeries. She had completed her rounds with nurse Choi, her patients were okay and surgeries would resume tomorrow. But today she had to focus on writing an article. It was a part of her contract – each surgeon had to write 2 or 4 articles per year to stay in the top hospitals of the country. Of course, they had to be valuable articles. Some would write about their surgeries, some about conducting new researches. And Seulgi absolutely hated writing articles, because most of the time they wouldn’t even get published. But the mere act of sending them, counted towards the ranking. If it got published, more points for the hospital. Seulgi had been on a break of those, after helping on a research on the occipital lobe with another fellow neurosurgeon. Sure, she wasn’t the main searcher, but it still counted. Thanks to that, she got a break from writing articles for a bit. But now the Chief of Surgery kindly made her understand that she’d have to get back to it. She was a selling point for the hospital, which meant her name had to remain relevant with articles. She nailed ninety percent of her risky surgeries. Which was not an easy feat. That balanced out her statistics in front of other neurosurgeons. She was taking risks, lots of risks but they paid off.

She decided to take a break from thinking about brains and nerves. It was too much for now. She needed a banana or something sweet to get more energy. Or see someone. But she did not want to go back to the attending’s lounge. She intended on keeping her angry façade at Seungwan and Jisoo for a bit more.

She thought about Joohyun and blushed remembering she caught her staring at one of her more intimates part today. She couldn’t deny it made her happy. Afterall, she liked Joohyun. But she wondered if Joohyun did too, or if they’d just agree on never talking about the kiss forever. This morning did not seem any different and Joohyun did not mention anything about yesterday. She badly needed advice, she was not the best at this. And even if she wanted to start a conversation she knew it might be hard, she’d be in a lot of stress.

With Jisoo it was just a moment of feeling hot and bothered, some tension, no words needed. It happened naturally, just like it ended. No emotions, no bad blood. Just lust. With her ex-girlfriend, she was the one being courted. It had worked for about two years before they fell apart for different reasons. Their jobs, Seulgi’s often being away at work and a lot of communication problem occurred, her girlfriend growing frustrated even if she knew Seulgi was not at fault. There was no bad blood either. They understood each other and why it did not work. The break up was hard, but not devastating. Now it had been almost a year and a half since Seulgi’s last relationship. She knew Joohyun since she was an intern, that’s what made things hard. They always seemd to work, to have a dynamic. It might have caused her last relationship to fall also. She remembered her ex confessing to her at the end that she sometimes was jealous of Joohyun. And it all seemed to click in Seulgi’s brain now.

But it was hard to know anything. Joohyun never made a move on her. It was always a walk on a very thing thread between friendship and more, too many occasions on which something could have happened. And it did finally happen yesterday. But Seulgi wondered if Joohyun thought this was a mistake. She needed advice. For that, she remembered Yerim venting to her about some relationships, which to be honest Seulgi paid only half attention to. But with what she said, Seulgi thought that the young intern might have some advice. Which was unusual of her to even be five feet away within an intern, much less to think of asking one for advice.

She checked her tablet to see where the intern was logged in last time, and made her way to the supply room at the far end of the east wing.

‘’Oh -‘’ Seulgi heard as soon as she entered the supply room and her eyes comically widened seeing the scene in front of her, feeling all the blood rush to her head. ‘’, . Dr. Kang!’’ Yerim spew out, while Sooyoung stood there, frozen. Seulgi looked at them, trying to process what she had just seen and wished she could forget it. Yerim was haphazardly putting on back her pants on, and it finally registered to Sooyoung to put on her t-shirt back on.

Without thinking more and forgetting about whatever reason she was looking Yerim for, she left the room without closing the door back. She clenched her fists, not mad about the fact that it was Yerim and Sooyoung – well she definitely did not know how she felt about this – but rather the fact that they were so careless, and literally anyone else could have seen them. And that would have had big consequences.

She entered her office and shook her head trying to remove the very explicit image she had seen of her two subordinate doctors, not wanting to have this ingrained in her memory. It took away all her appetite.

‘’Seulgi!’’ Sooyoung entered the doctor’s office and closed the door behind her. Seulgi frowned at her, really not wanting to see her, as all she could see was Sooyoung on her knees engaging in a very lewd action. ‘’Please don’t tell Joohyun about it, she will literally kill me.’’ Sooyoung pleaded.

‘’What?’’ Seulgi whispered in disbelief, clearing right after.

‘’She doesn’t know I’m gay and she’d go bat crazy if she knew I got in an affair with an intern.’’

‘’Isn’t Joohyun gay?’’ Seulgi asked confusion on her face.

‘’She never said she was or wasn’t to be honest. Did she tell you?’’

‘’No. She does not talk about that stuff…’’ Seulgi trailed off and wanted to facepalm right her in front of Sooyoung. ‘’Not my business, whatever, go.’’ She waved her off. She wanted to be alone. Sooyoung eyed her carefully before she turned around and left her attending alone. She was friends with Seulgi, but she was also her attending. She knew there were barriers not to cross.

‘’Hey, did you have lunch already?’’ Seulgi heard about ten minutes later and saw Joohyun entering her office. She audibly sighed, thinking she’d never be able to be alone for more than ten minutes today.

‘’Are you busy…?’’ Joohyun shyly asked but Seulgi shook her head seeing the lunchboxes the woman had brought with her. ‘’Is something bothering you?’’ Joohyun tried again and Seulgi glared at her. There were so many things bothering her right now. Her job, her article, her patients, Sooyoung and the intern and most importantly Joohyun. All she wanted was to scream questions at the woman in front of her, to get answers but she couldn’t do that, and it annoyed her even more.

‘’I’m… sorry I kissed you yesterday.’’ Joohyun finally said, putting the lunchboxes on the desk and sitting on it. ‘’If that’s what’s bothering you-‘’ Joohyun started but was interrupted by Seulgi’s loud groan who hid her head in between her elbows, faceplanting on the desk. Joohyun’s eyes widened at the loud sound of the impact, worried the doctor might have hurt herself.

‘’You’re so… confusing.’’ Seulgi whined, tapping her feet against the ground.

‘’What?’’ Joohyun’s mouth went agape.

‘’I don’t get confused easily.’’ Seulgi sat up, crossing her arms and frowning looking at Joohyun. ‘’I’m smart.’’ She added and waited a bit, massaging . Today seemed to be more straining to talk for her. ‘’But you- confuse me.’’ Seulgi pouted looking at Joohyun. She knew that whatever was leaving was far from being eloquent but she did not know how to word it better.

‘’What do you mean? If it’s about the kiss I’m sorry, I did not mean to trouble you!’’ Joohyun excused herself again. Seulgi got up from her chair and went to sit on the other side of the desk in front of Joohyun. She grabbed her by the thighs, making Joohyun yelp before lying her head on her lap.

‘’Don’t confuse me.’’ Seulgi whispered, looking up at Joohyun. ‘’I can’t speak when I’m confused. I can’t ask…’’ Seulgi said her voice so weak and fragile, Joohyun felt a pinch in her heart. She entangled her hand in Seulgi’s hair, caressing it.

‘’Seulgi…’’

‘’Tell me…’’ Seulgi pleaded. Joohyun grabbed her by the shoulder making her sit up, got down from the desk and sat on Seulgi’s lap.

‘’You’re a neurosurgeon…’’ Joohyun started a small smile on her face, putting strands of Seulgi’s hair behind her ear. She put all doubts from this morning aside, remembering how hard all of this must be for Seulgi. To word what she meant. ‘’Aren’t neurosurgeons supposed to know everything?’’ She joked and Seulgi shook her head like a sad puppy, hugging Joohyun’s waist.

‘’I… didn’t want to be one.’’ Seulgi admitted in a low voice, Joohyun’s mouth forming an ‘o’.

‘’Yet you’re so good at being one.’’

‘’I study hard.’’

‘’Why don’t you kiss me?’’ Joohyun asked, not really knowing what else to say. She didn't want either to voice out her feelings for now. She leaed her face closer to Seulgi’s. Seulgi’s left hand shifted from Joohyun’s waist to her cheek, which she with her thumb. Joohyun leaned into the touch, closing her eyes. Seulgi followed, inclining her head a bit to the side, their faces slowly leaning in together like magnets until their lips locked and slowly moved together. The kiss barely lasted a second, not even close to enough for Seulgi or Joohyun to enjoy it but the beep of their pager was more important. They both frowned seeing the message on their beeper, which displayed the same.

‘’Let’s go, guess there’s a big trauma.’’ Joohyun said, getting up from the chair and quickly going up to the door followed by Seulgi, who did not have at all a good feeling about being in the ER.