After two weeks things seemed to settle down. Joohyun did not have to deal much with the interns since they were banned from the OR. Today was also a very big day for her as a surgeon. She was going to perform the final surgery on a patient she has been following since her second year of residency. Her patient was 19 today, suffering from a heart disease rendering his heart unable to pump enough blood. After years of treatment and waiting lists, the patient had finally gotten a new heart. The news made Joohyun happy, but she was also scared, the chances of the transplant succeeding being thin. But she did not lose hope.

‘’Hello Johnny, how are you today?’’ She asked entering the patient’s room with a smile. Seungwan was already there, being the supervisor for the surgery – she was always included whenever the surgery was a transplant.

‘’I’m so excited Dr. Bae, my mom cried when she got the call.’’ Johnny exclaimed, a bright smile on his face, making Joohyun smile in return. She stepped closer to the bed checking his vitals.

‘’You can call me Joohyun, we’ve been acquainted long enough.’’

‘’Alright, everything with the paper seems good, I’m going to find your parents so they can sign those, okay?’’ Seungwan announced before leaving the room.

‘’So, how are you? Did you get into college?’’ Joohyun asked, making time for small talk with him. She wasn’t the type of doctor to do this, but with long time patients she would make an exception.

‘’I did and even got a girlfriend. Her name’s Sooyoung!’’ Johnny smiled.

‘’My sister’s name Sooyoung too.’’

‘’Maybe that’s her.’’

‘’Yeah, you wish.’’

‘’What about you, doctor? Did you get with that yellow doctor?’’

‘’Yellow doctor?’’ Joohyun furrowed her brows, trying to remember who did Johnny call the ‘yellow’ doctor.

‘’Yeah, the other one. Pretty, small eyes.’’

‘’What? No,’’ Joohyun shook her head. ‘’How do you even know her?’’

‘’I saw you talking a lot with her outside my room.’’ Johnny grinned looking at Joohyun with sparkling eyes. Joohyun chuckled, but her smile faded, remembering the complicate surgery she had to perform on him. It pained that such a young cheerful man was going through all of this.

‘’Your old doctor is single.’’ She joked, trying not to make the atmosphere heavy.

‘’Well, I hope to come to your wedding before I invite you to mine.’’

‘’Oh?’’ Joohyun cocked an eyebrow. ‘’Already planning a wedding?’’

‘’Promise to invite me to yours?’’ Johnny tilted his head with a shy smile. Joohyun sighed, not wanting to make promises she couldn’t keep, but seeing his eyes sparkle with so much hope, she couldn’t do anything but say yes.

‘’I will. Pinky promise.’’

‘’How’s the heart transplant doing?’’ Sooyoung asked, followed by an intern, Kim Yerim.

‘’Don’t call my patient a heart transplant, Sooyoung.’’ Joohyun glared at her and immediately got back to the patient’s chart.

‘’There’s a heart transplant today?’’ Yerim curiously asked, her eyes wide. Joohyun eyed her from head to toe.

‘’Aren’t you supposed to stay as far as you can from the OR?’’ She gritted through her teeth not wanting to entertain curiosity.

‘’From Kang’s auditorium. Yours will be open.’’

‘’No, it will not.’’

‘’Chief said it, soooo…’’ Sooyoung said playing with her hair, while Joohyun stared incredulously at her.

‘’Chief Son? Or Choi?’’

‘’Son.’’

‘’Stupid.’’ Joohyun mumbled before getting away.

‘’So, doctor Kang is part mute?’’ Yerim tried to get something out of Sooyoung, curious about the doctor.

‘’That’s none of my business to tell you.’’ Sooyoung nonchalantly replied, keeping her eyes ahead of her.

‘’But-‘’

‘’No buts, go to the lab and practice interrupted sutures.’’ Sooyoung said before waving off her intern.

Joohyun had the whole morning to check on her other patients. The heart was scheduled to arrive at 2pm, which left her two hours of waiting. She opted to get a small lunch and study the surgery to be ready. She had performed heart transplants, more than once but it was always stressful. The patient could reject the heart and many other factors could get in the way of a successful transplant. She just needed to empty her head and get some calm before the surgery. To relax. She tried not to think about anything. She remembered she wanted to talk to Seulgi. She didn’t have much time to see her, except for a brief moment in the attending’s lounge in the morning, their schedule busy with surgeries. The doctor had stayed to sleep at her apartment last time, exhausted and drained from her eventful day.

She decided to go the lab. At this time it should be empty, everyone at lunch. She entered the space, halting her steps when she heard giggles. She was about to scold the people inside, but not a single sound escaped when she recognized Seulgi sitting in front of an intern, whom she recognized as Kim Yerim. 

‘’What are you doing here?’’ She asked, looking at Seulgi trying to regain her composure. Seulgi didn’t reply but instead lifted a few grapes with sutures on it.

‘’Dr. Bae.’’ Yerim bowed.

‘’Is she bothering you?’’ She asked, ignoring Yerim and Seulgi shook her head.

‘’No.’’ She whispered. ‘’Just… graping.’’

‘’Graping?’’

‘’Sutures.’’ Seulgi corrected herself and her cheeks reddened. Yerim looked in between the two doctors, starting to feel awkward.

''I'm going to go.’’ She said, cleaning after herself.

‘’No, stay. I’m going, I have a heart transplant soon.’’ Joohyun sighed, checking her watch. Seulgi’s eyes widened hearing this, but before decided to cooperate with her, Joohyun was out the door.

‘’Is it hard? Not to talk?’’ Joohyun could hear Yerim ask Seulgi through the door.

‘’Used to it.’’ She heard a smaller voice and walked to her office.

Seulgi finished her 2pm round and decided to take a break in the attending’s lounge. She had time, her next surgery scheduled at 3, no other patients requiring urgent care. She entered the lounge with a smile, feeling happier than usual. She discovered she enjoyed spending time with the new intern. She was nice and did not make feel Seulgi awkward. Also, her constant talking was entertaining was a change for Seulgi, most people staying quiet and awkward around her. She was about to sit on the couch and play on her phone when she saw Joohyun laying on the couch, eyes closed. She poked her nose, wanting the girl to wake up gently.

‘’Seulgi?’’ Joohyun said with a raspy voice and immediately checked her pager. Seulgi quirked her head to the side curiously.

‘’Heart?’’ She asked.

‘’Delayed. Should arrive before 4 though.’’

‘’Mmhhm.’’ Seulgi solemnly nodded. She stood there, waiting for Joohyun to make room for her but the latter did not budge.

‘’Oh, amazing you guys are here!’’ Jisoo and Seungwan exclaimed, giggling as they waltzed into the office making Joohyun groan.

‘’We’ve found the best cakes!’’ Jisoo exclaimed and Seungwan put a white carboard box on the table. Seulgi was frowning as she was observing them, but was salivating at the thought of cakes. She needed something sweet anyway, her brain was tired.

‘’Tada! The best right?’’ Seungwan laughed, taking out a shaped cake showing it to the doctors.

‘’ing heeeeeell,’’ Joohyun groaned in annoyance massaging the bridge of her nose but sat up nonetheless, glaring at Seungwan.

‘’I’m hungry,’’ Seulgi said shrugging her shoulders and taking one from Jisoo.

‘’How the hell did you end up even buying those?’’ Joohyun asked, still not taking the cake from Seungwan.

‘’We were talking about the weirdest place where we had , and she said she knew this cake shop so we went in.’’ Jisoo explained.

‘’Just how old are you?’’ Joohyun sighed, taking the cake from Seungwan and taking a bite. The four of them giggled, at their ridiculousness. ‘’So, what was the weirdest place?’’ Joohun asked eyeing her cake taking a bite. She glanced over at Seulgi who did not seem to be shy at all from the shape of her cake.

‘’Bathroom of a café at 2pm with the room full of clients.’’ Seungwan shrugged her shoulders, taking a lewd bite of her cake. Seulgi scrunched her face in disgust hearing this, scoffing.

‘’You’re no better.’’ Seungwan chuckled and Joohyun paused mid bite, watching Seulgi getting all red. ‘’In the auditorium of your OR with Jisoo.’’ She spat back, and Joohyun coughed violently choking on a bite, while Seulgi reddened furiously glaring at Seungwan with clenched fists.

‘’First time Bae?’’ Jisoo joked, making Joohyun become red.

‘’Y-you and you?’’ Joohyun choked out, looking with wide yes between Seulgi and Jisoo.

‘’It- It was- Interns!’’ Seulgi tried to reply, but the embarrassment was suffocating her.

‘’Chill, we were interns, it happened a few times that’s all. Now I’m married.’’ Jisoo said, finishing her cake, plopping down a chair.

‘’, my patient,’’ Joohyun whispered checking her pager and ran out of the lounge. Seulgi threw her cake in the trash, and walked towards Seungwan and Jisoo with clenched fists.

‘’You have no- no- rights!’’ She stopped, poking Seungwan’s chest with her finger, ‘’to talk a-about my… life!’’ She stopped again to take a breath. ‘’Just -cause I can’t stop- stop you f-fast enough! Stupid!’’ She exclaimed, before storming out of the room, trying to find Joohyun.

Seulgi did not manage to find Joohyun before her next surgery. She was still furious at Jisoo and Seungwan, even if she knew they did not mean any harm with it. They just wanted to joke around. Seungwan was her friend, but she didn’t know she was uncomfortable talking about such things in front of Joohyun. Sure, she and Joohyun were both close ever since their intern days but it was much more different. She didn’t quite understand how, nor she could explain it. That’s why she guessed Seungwan did not know that Joohyun was unaware of her past with Jisoo. She was scrubbing her hands a bit too harshly and stopped when she saw her hands were red. It was not a smart idea to wear them out before a surgery.

She entered her OR and looked at her resident. He was a new one and Seulgi did not know him at all. He never showed any interest for neurosurgery and was probably here for mandatory rounds.

‘’Dr. Ha?’’ She asked stepping in her usual spot, while the nurses were getting her gear ready.

‘’Yes, doctor.’’ The young man bowed.

‘’Recite to me the procedure before we begin.’’ She sternly announced, awaiting a response.

When the resident was done, she started the procedure. It was another aneurysm clipping, a very small one. Seulgi over the years had mastered this procedure and could do it with her eyes closed. But she never dared to do one being less focused because it seemed easy. Neurosurgery to Seulgi was more than a job. Each procedure was different and she admired every single one of them. Being a neurosurgeon consisted most of the time of her making guesses. Some were right some were not. A scan could show something easy, but once opened something totally different could be there, throwing off her entire preparation. That’s why she could never be slacking. And even if she was always her best when in the OR, that was not always enough. Though Seulgi did her best to avoid worst case scenario, it always happened. It was a part of her job.

She was two hours in the surgery but did not let the resident take any tools. It was his first time in the OR with her and she did not trust him, even if everything seemed to be going well. She’d just let him do the closing.

‘’Anyone got news from OR 5 where Dr. Son and Bae are doing a heart transplant?’’ She calmly asked. Whenever she spoke in the OR she would always get surprised at how easily the words left . It was such an amazing feeling she did not want to shut up. But she had to. She had to be focused and so did her team.

‘’It seems they’re cleaning up, doctor.’’ A nurse answered and Seulgi furrowed her brows. Two hours was too little time for a heart transplant.

‘’Already?’’ Seulgi asked, carefully inspecting her clip. She had about an hour left of the surgery.

‘’The patient died and the heart is going to one of Dr Son’s candidate.’’

‘’Oh.’’ Seulgi just said but couldn’t help but worry about Joohyun. She knew how much she was attached to her patient. They had talked about him two weeks ago, Joohyun sharing her worries of what would happen to him if he did not get a new heart soon. She shook these thoughts off, focusing back on her surgery.

When Seulgi was changed from her surgery it was already around 6. She went into the auditorium of the OR 5 to see if Joohyun was assisting the new surgery, but only saw Dr. Son and Dr. Kang another cardiothoracic surgeon assisting her, two interns and two residents and the rest of the team. She left the auditorium and tried their lounge, but it was only occupied by Jisoo and another attending. Jisoo smiled apologetically at her.

‘’She’s in an on-call room.’’ Jisoo said and Seulgi nodded knowing exactly which room was Joohyun in.

She carefully opened the door once she was in front of it and tried to enter with making the least noise possible, before locking the room from inside. The lights weren’t , only the bright orange light of the sun setting was sipping through the curtain. She noticed Joohuyn’s body curled on the lower bunk and went to sit next to her. Joohyun turned to see who came in and sat up when she saw Seulgi. Seulgi put a hand on her knee, caressing it, not speaking. She noticed the tear-stricken face of Joohyun, her red eyes and puffy cheeks. It broke her seeing Joohyun in this state.

‘’His body didn’t last through the bypass.’’ Joohyun sniffled, ‘’he was too weak.’’ She added in a small voice before breaking down in tears again and Seulgi engulfed her in a hug. Joohyun held onto her, wetting her shoulder. ‘’I couldn’t ev-even talk to his parents.’’ She said and Seulgi tightened her hold on Joohyun. ‘’His mother had a breakdown, it was terrible. She screamed at me.’’ She hiccuped, ‘’it’s understandable bu- but-‘’

‘’Shhh. Breathe.’’ Seulgi whispered, her hand caressing Joohyun’s back.

‘’It doesn’t get at all easier to lose a patient.’’ Joohyun whispered, detaching her body slowly from Seulgi, resting her back against the wall. Seulgi shook her head for a no.

‘’It never does.’’ Seulgi whispered, looking with a sad smile at Joohyun. ‘’They… mostly get mad at me.’’ She sighed and noticed how Joohuyn’s face got even sadder. ‘’Because I can’t… really speak. It’s s-stressful.’’

‘’A nurse is always with you right? Nurse Choi? Choi Sooyoung?’’

‘’Mmhm.’’

‘’Do you and her…?’’ Joohyun shyly asked playing with her thumb.

‘’N-no!’’ Seulgi was quick to exclaim shaking her head.

‘’But you and Jisoo…’’ Joohyun said, looking at the window on her right biting her thumb, her left hand resting on her knee and Seulgi groaned.

‘’Interns. We were interns.’’ Seulgi glared at Joohyun who chuckled.

‘’How did this even happen?’’

‘’We were bored.’’

‘’Bored?’’

‘’Happens.’’

‘’Yeah, a spur of the moment thingy. Does her wife know about it?’’

‘’Never talked with Jisoo about it.’’

‘’You always can talk with me.’’ Joohyun remarked with a shy smile, poking Seulgi’s thigh with her foot.

‘’You’re…’’ Seulgi searched for the words, picking at invisible strings on the mattress, ‘’calming.’’ She shrugged.

‘’I feel calm when I’m with you too.’’ Joohyun said with a smile and Seulgi felt herself blushing from the neck up. ‘’Two patients died in my surgeries since the beginning of the month.’’

‘’That’s good stats.’’

‘’It’s a terrible feeling.’’

‘’I know.’’

‘’I thought being a surgeon I don’t know- that I- that I-‘’ Joohyun had open trying to come up with a word, Seulgi intently looking at her. ‘’That I wouldn’t have to deal with it so often.’’ She finished in a whisper.

‘’My cases… from last year, more failed surgeries than succeeded.’’ Seulgi added in a small voice, avoiding Joohyun’s gaze. ‘’Did you ever want to be a surgeon?’’

‘’Ever since I was 8. I just wanted it. But it’s a draining job.’’ Joohyun admitted playing with her fingers. Seulgi shifted on the bed and sat next to Joohyun their shoulders touching. She searched something in her pocket. When she felt the cold touch of metal, she smiled taking it out. It was a simple gold ring. She turned it in her fingers, showing it to Joohyun who curiously observed it.

‘’A patient gave it to me. My first.’’ Seulgi slowly started, focusing on which words to choose. Just by thinking about it made her emotional, but she did not want to get stressed now. She wanted to speak. She took in another deep breath. ‘’She had a tumor. Occipital lobe.’’ She touched the lower back of her skull to show Joohyun where it was even if she knew. ‘’It was so big she was starting to lose her vision. She did the surgery even if it was a big risk. To see her daughter’s wedding…’’ She stopped wiping a few tears that had fallen. Joohyun held her hand and squeezed it. ‘’She died two hours in. She gave me the ring before the surgery, to remember my first patient. She was so kind and nice.’’ Seulgi said in a shaky breath and looked to the right to see tears falling down Joohyun’s cheek too.

‘’We can’t save every… one. But remember them.’’

‘’Oh Seulgi.’’

‘’I know how you’re feeling.’’ Seulgi whispered, feeling Joohyun hug her. ‘’It’s okay to cry.’’ She said.

She held so tightly onto Joohyun it forced the latter to settle on her lap. Seulgi could hear her crying. They both shifted their heads and rested their forehead together. Joohyun gripped Seulgi’s scrub, holding it tightly near her shoulder. They could feel each other’s breaths on theirs lips, and Seulgi gripped back Joohyun’s back. They moved their heads, rubbing their noses together, Seulgi’s mouth parting to relieve small breaths. They were so close to closing that distance, so close to kissing it was frustrating. Frustrating but scary at the same time, neither of them daring to do the move.

After a few more seconds, Joohyun shifted her head and Seulgi couldn’t tell if it was accidental or not, the move so clumsy, but finally, Joohyun’s lips were on hers. And without even thinking, she started to move her lips against Joohyun’s, parting her own in invitation. She felt Joohyun’s tongue on her own, softly massaging it. Everything about this kiss was soft but confident. As if the both of them were dying for this moment. And it just clicked to Seulgi in this moment how badly she had wanted this for a very long time, but never had the courage to. Everything about the kiss was perfect.

‘’Ugh,’’ she heard Joohyun groan and came back to her senses, both of them parting for air, their eyes flicking looking at their faces, their chest heaving.

‘’It’s okay,’’ Seulgi whispered noticing Joohyun’s frantic eyes, tears threatening to fall again. ‘’Shhh,’’ She whispered again when Joohyun lunged forward hiding once again in Seulgi’s neck. ‘’Let’s sleep for a bit.’’ She whispered in Joohyun’s hair, kissing her head before lying them both on the bed, putting covers over them and holding Joohyun tightly in her arms, until her crying stopped.