“I can’t believe you’re going to debut!” Xiwen tried not to notice the jealousy in Daiyu’s voice as the other girl draped herself on the bed next to Xiwen’s suitcase. It was completely understandable after all. “Last month the evaluation was a contemporary dance piece that you just breezed through, and now all of a sudden you’re debuting? That’s crazy!”

And it was crazy! Xiwen tried to contain the smile of nerves and excitement within her. She shouldn’t gloat, it would make Daiyu feel bad. She didn’t want to leave Daiyu so soon but the opportunity had just fallen into her lap! The two of them had come to Yuehua’s Korea division together last month to start their training as kpop idols and then yesterday all of a sudden the manager told her she was debuting!

Oddly she wasn’t debuting in a Yuehua group but in a group being made by a local broadcasting company? She didn’t really know anything about them -honestly she didn’t really know much about korea and kpop in general- but Daiyu had been really excited when she’d told her so it was probably a big deal. And if it wasn’t, well, the manager had said it was only for a couple of years so it would be okay.

She grabbed the last pair of pants from the closet she had only two weeks ago finally managed to unpack her suitcase into. Now everything was going right back in the pink butterfly trunk. “It’s unreal,” she admitted. “I feel so unprepared for this. We only just started, I don’t even know any Korean yet!”

Daiyu grabbed her hand. “It’s okay Xiwen, you’re gonna do great.” She smiled and Xiwen was relieved that it was genuine, that any jealousy wouldn’t tarnish things between them as had happened with others before.

“You think so?”

“I know so.” Daiyu let go of her hand and reached over to grab Xiwen’s panda plushie from the nightstand and tossed it into the suitcase. “I just can’t believe how lucky you are. That they need a Chinese trainee just when all of the other trainees went home for new years and now they’re not allowed to travel outside of China!”

Xiwen grimaced. “It doesn’t feel very good to profit off a pandemic.” Literally all of the other Yuehua trainees, the ones that had been training for a debut as well as the one who had been handpicked to go debut in this special group, were now stuck in Beijing as the homeland struggled to fight against this scary new virus. The only two female trainees who had been left in Korea were Xiwen and Daiyu, and Daiyu was still going through basic dance training. Sure, Xiwen couldn’t exactly really sing yet but at least she could dance. Well, she could dance ballet. 

Maybe lady luck would prevail and they would debut with a ballet dance?

Lucky. Xiwen had always been lucky, things just tended to fall into place for her. Getting into a prestigious school because the kid who’d taken the last spot had fallen in, choosing ballet on a whim and turning out to be a natural at it, happening to run into a that Yuehua scout just as he’d been on his way out of the one dance recital she hadn’t performed at. Of course she’d been signed as a model first and that had been fun as an extra activity for a while until someone had thought she moved elegantly and would do well as an idol so she said sure, that sounded interesting to do, and now a month later she was debuting. Lady luck was with her, as she’d always said.

Daiyu nudged her. “Hey, if you’re gonna debut without me the least you can do is be excited about it!”

“I am!” Xiwen said quickly, twisting her hands in the hem of her shirt. “I am,” she repeated more softly. Everything in her life had fallen into place to grant her this opportunity, she just had to trust in her lady to see her through. She closed the lid of her suitcase. Manager Liu would be waiting. Xiwen reached out and gave Daiyu a firm hug. “I’ll shine bright for the both of us, ok? Then in a year or so you can join me.”

Daiyu squeezed her tight. “Bet on it!”

Bernadette Ester Lee breathed in the (debatably) fresh Seoul air as the hotel doors closed behind her and she wheeled her obnoxiously noisy big suitcase through the streets. She was here! She had to spend two very boring and absolutely maddening weeks in quarantine in a small hotel room, absolutely bored out of her mind but finally here she is!! Had she any more coordination she would have jumped and clicked her heels together but knowing her she’d only fall right on her face and break her nose or something and then where would she be?

She let go of her suitcase and spun around once. She very nearly lost her balance and for one brief second she had thought oh hubris we’re really in it now but her feet won the battle with gravity and she let out a full joyous giggle. Korea!! She was here!!! CRAZY TALK!!!!

Bernie was the first of their particular branch of the big Lee tree in 2 generations that touched ground upon South Korean soil. Huh, that was a humbling thought. And, in the immortal words of Im Nayeon, she was gonna be a star~

Now eh where was she supposed to go? There weren’t a lot of people about to ask, most people were staying indoors as per pandemic instructions. Pandemic, imagine that. The first Lee to touch Korean Seoul and BOOM a global pandemic! Oh no, was she cursed? If a Lee ever returned to the homeland, death and doom should follow, or something?? Did she carry pestilence with her???

Nah, all she carried with her was glitter and, while definitely the pestilence of craft material, glitter wasn’t going to kill anybody! Unless it was ingested of course but- changing the topic here Bernie.

And hour and a half, some properly social distanced panicked and so broken Korean it was shattered plead for directions, and a lot of suitcase-induced noise terrorism later and she was looking up at the giant Helix Entertainment sign in awe.

Helix. Home of the immortal Min Hana and Aeon and- wait damnit she’d done her research who was the other one? GIRL BOSS. Damn now she was exposing herself as the fraud she was, none of Helix’ kpop offerings were really stan material for her. Like none of them were BTS or Oh My Girl or Violetta if you knew what she was saying. Which, this being an internal monologue, she obviously did know what she was saying. Wait! Except for Lucy! Oh my god oh my gosh Bernie was gonna meet LUCY. 

She took a deep breath in preparation of this life altering and earth shattering moment and rolled her suitcase (oh my god were its wheels made of gravel??) through the big fancy slidey doors of the imposing building.

Greeting her was- nobody. The desk was completely empty with a sign in Korean at the front of which she could only make out the word ‘‘COVID19’ (conveniently in English letters) and ‘away’. The only way into the building was through a set of fancier kind of subway gates that seemed to be activated by a card. 

That was okay, Bernie was nothing if not resourceful. 

She looked around for a bit to see if there was a button or something she could press for entry but the screen of the machine stared back impassively with the pictogram of an ‘insert card’ brooking no argument. Bernie lowered herself to the floor and critically examined the gap between the floor and the gate. It looked about suitcase height. It also looked about Bernie’s height but she thought she could find a more elegant way around it for her person. 

She quickly glanced around to make sure nobody was watching and then slowly and carefully climbed on top of the insert card machine, careful not to stand on the touch screen. Okay, step one done. The actual gate was about, eh, Bernie crotch height so she gingerly lifted one legt about, winced at the very uncomfortable feeling of thing glass wedged where no sun ever shone, and after three tries managed to get her other leg over. One more very high stakes battle with gravity and she fell on the floor on her but not on her face!!! BERNIE WINS.

Okay, now the suitcase.

She’d left the suitcase on its side in front of the gate. She clambered underneath with her upper body and just about managed to reach the suitcase’s handle and- it just about fit. Sort of. Almost. There wasn’t a millimeter to spare between the top of the bottom of the glass panels and the top of the suitcase but if she pulled very very hard she could inch by inch pull the suitcase to the other side.

Probably.

She pulled and the noise the suitcase made as it scratched against the glass panels was even worse than the gravel wheels on pavement but slowly with each tug a bit more of the suitcase came through. She closed her eyes and prepared herself for the master tug, the tug to end all tugs-

BEEP.

Bernie had been mid-tug when the gates opened and she and the suitcase flew across the floor in what she could only imagine was the most dramatic anime-worthy slide but which only really set her back a meter or so and a very very sore bum. When she opened her eyes a very weirded-out boy was standing above her.

“Ehh- hi?” She waved. 

“Mwo?” Oh she knew that one, Grandma used that one on her aaaaall the time. What are you doing Bernie? What are you talking about Bernie?

She panicked. The very first bit of Korean that came into her mind flopped out. “Baegopayo?”

Oh lordy did those eyebrows shoot up. “You’re… hungry? And you’re breaking into Korea’s most broke entertainment company to feed?”

Oh my lord and savior, the Queen’s English!!! “Oh thank god you speak English. So I have no idea where I’m supposed to go they told me someone would come pick me up but then nobody came so I thought ok no biggie I’ll just go here myself maybe they forgot about me you know it happens I forget everything all the time but then when I got in here nobody was here-”

“So you thought you’d just break in.”

“So I thought I’d just let myself in since I’m supposed to be here anyway,” she corrected him. “I’m Bernie by the way! Well, Bernadette Lee but everyone calls me Bernie.”

The boy looked more uncomfortable every second the conversation went on, Bernie wondered if she was holding him up if that was why he looked like he had to go. “So why are you here again?”

“Oh! I’m debuting with Dream4U! We’re supposed to film today and move into the dorms that’s why I brought my suitcase. I was staying at this hotel before cause you know corona quarantine and stuff. Wait, are you a trainee?”

With the absolutely most reluctance physically possible, he said. “Yeah.”

Bernie’s eyes widened. “Oh that is SO cool!! Are you going to debut soon?? Oh that’s so exciting!”

The boy sighed in absolute misery. “Fine. Come on.”

“Thank you thank you thank you!!” Bernie scrambled to her feet, nearly forgot to grab her suitcase, and followed him up the stairs. He didn’t help her lift the suitcase but that was fine Bernie was a strong independent woman she could carry her own suitcase!!  It was probably for the best too, her favourite anime figure was in there and she could under no circumstances let it get damaged that was for sure like 50 years bad luck and also she would cry. 

“Oh!” she stopped to take a breath after lugging the suitcase up the final step. Dang, had to work on that cardio. “You didn’t tell me your name!” 

“Nope, I did not.”

“So-” pant. “What is it?”

“... Jack.”

“Jack! Thats a nice name. I’m Bernie!”

“I know.”

“Oh no right of course you know I already said that.”

The lights in the hall were all dimmed it was actually kind of creepy. Also kind of weird for like a super official first filming of the show thing she thought but like what did she know about filming tv shows? 

“So how come you’re participating in this show if you don’t know any Korean?”

Bernie huffed. “I know some Korean! I was just flustered, is all, I didn’t mean to say I was hungry. I can understand the basics, halmeoni mostly spoke Korean. I just can’t speak or read it very well yet. They were gonna give me lessons but then the pandemic happened but I did some online and that went okay.”

“Okay okay,” he said quickly. “Got it.”

Jack took her to the farthest room where light was trickling out from under the door. He knocked and a distracted voice called out for him to enter.

There was only one woman in there and she looked very cool with her short hair and the top of what must be a huuuuge tattoo poking up above her sleeve. “Oh, hi Tali,” Jack said in English.

“Hey Jack, what’s up?” Tali asked in gorgeous down undah English. Maybe this whole Korean thing wasn’t going to be so hard after all?? 

“Girl here is wondering about Dream4U stuff. I’m gonna go okay bye-” he quickly closed the door behind him and Bernie was left to face Tali on her own.

“Hi! I’m Bernie!”

Tali smiled. “Hi Bernie, I’m Tali! They, eh, big bosses aren’t around so I don’t know how much I can help you, I’m just the muscle of this operation, but what’s up?”

“Oh, eh, well isn’t there supposed to be filming today? And moving into the dorms? I brought my suitcase and everything but nobody came to pick me up so I went here but then there wasn’t anyone here and I kind of broke in but then Jack helped me legit break in and-”

“Woah there grasshopper you’re going a little fast. Filming is tomorrow!”

Bernie felt her face flush. “Mwo? Isn’t it today?”

“Nope. Tomorrow.”

Kill bill sirens going on inside her brain. 

“Hey now it’s okay, do you want me to drive you back to the hotel?” Tali asked.

Bernie felt herself flush even more. “I, eh, Imayhavecheckedoutalready.”

“What did you say?”

Bernie studied the toes of her shoes. “I may have checked out already,” she said softly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

Awkward silence stretched where Bernie looked everywhere except at Tali and fought the urge to cry.

“Okay no worries,” Tali said. “Dorm isn’t ready yet and I don’t think they’d appreciate you messing up the set but you could stay over with me if you like? I have an okay sofa- ehh I’ll take the sofa and you can sleep in my bed just don’t mind the mess I didn’t think I was gonna have anyone over today-”

“Oh don’t worry I’m super messy it’ll make me feel right at home thank you so much thank you thank you!!”

Tali laughed a little awkwardly. “Anytime kiddo. Do you want me to help you with the suitcase?”

“Oh no thanks I can handle it. It has precious cargo.”

“Haha gotcha. Do you mind waiting here for an hour or two while I finish up some work? We can get some chicken on the way home. Do you like chicken?”

“You have no idea how much I like Korean fried chicken.”

“It’s a plan!”

~*~
  

“Red and grey plaid jacket or the Harry Styles cardigan?” Yoojin first held outfit one in front of her mirror and also the camera of her phone that was currently facetiming her best friend Cho Gigi.

The Gigi on the screen cocked her head. “Girl that cardigan is rough you are a lot of things but you are not a crochet queen, definitely the plaid.”

“Tiktok still got a million views~,” Yoojin sing-songed.  Unfortunately Gigi was right, there were loose threads and crooked rows all over the thing which was a shame since it was trendy as hell right now. She’d really stepped into that trend just as it was taking off, it’d gotten her a plethora of new followers and she’d even gotten featured on a couple of those trend-following buzzfeedesque articles. Definitely worth the absolutely hell she went through trying to crochet that demon.  

She tossed the colourful crocheted cardigan to the side. It didn’t travel far considering her room in the shared Seoul apartment was the size of a shoebox, but hey it was the drama that counted. She held the jacket in front of her again. Fashionable but not outrageous, she could pair it with a dramatic turtleneck for that kdrama chaebol look. Maybe with some knee high boots to add just some extra superstar flair? 

“So what are you gonna do with your tiktok, will you have time to keep updating?” Gigi asked.

Yoojin made a face. “They’re making me take a break for the duration of the contract.”

“They’re making you close your tiktok?!” Gigi looked absolutely horrified, as she should the idea of it was truly a horror. “Yoo are you sure about this?”

“Not close, just not update anymore while I’m signed.” 

Gigi whistled. “That’s going to tank your engagement. Might be the end if this doesn’t work out.”

Yoojin put the coat down “I can’t pay my bills with free sunglasses, Gi. Do you know how much renting a Seoul flat costs? No, it’s time for the next step in my career.” She raised the plaid coat against her chest again and arranged her hair over it. What impression would it make? Fashionable? Or ordinary? “Besides, if I have one more sheik sliding into my dms asking for whatever weird it is they’re into I am going to scream.”

But would this fit be relatable enough? She looked back at her closet and grabbed a robin’s egg blue mini skirt “What about a more feminine look?” Male fans would probably like that more too, and her metrics showed she had a substantial amount of male followers. “Or what if I wear sunglasses so I can whip them off like in that collab with Moscot?” she wondered idly. “Definitely not the Moscot glasses, they’re hideous, but my Blanc and Eclares maybe? Would it make me look glamorous or pretentious, do you think?”

“For god’s sake girl, center yourself I’m about to topple over with you!” Gigi protested.

“You guys had it so good when they just gave you uniforms,” Yoojin said with a dramatic sigh. “This is torture, I only get one chance to make a first impression and it has to be perfect.”

“Are you kidding me? With those uniforms only the prettiest could really stand out. It was really rough dude.”

Yoojin grinned. “I don’t know, with that haircut Cho Yeji certainly stood out.”

She saw Gigi -or the artist formerly known as FNC’s Cho Yeji- cringe with her entire body. “You did not just bring up the bob! I did hear that one of the other Produce 99 contestants is joining through.”

Yoojin gasped and her heart skipped a nervous beat. “Who?!” If it was someone famous it could ruin all her plans. What if it was Hwari? Or god forbid Lucy? Everything would be ruined there would be no way she was the most known girl in the room anymore-

“So Jinsol told Dohee told Kayeon told Lucy told basically everything that Ji Yona is joining!”

Yoojin let out a small breath of relief. Ji Yona. She barely remembered her, and a child like that would pose no threat to her. “Oh, that’s cute,” she said blandly, pulling her attention back to her outfit and the skirt. Maybe with one of those frilly white blouses for the ultra kpop doll look?

Gigi sighed a long suffering and very dramatic sigh. “Girl. If I wasn’t in quarantine I would come over there and slap you. You are Min Yoojin, my co-CEO of Korean tiktoks, and you are not going to prance in there in some girly just to please the oppas. You are going to wear that ultra fashionable plaid coat and you are going to own it. You’re a superstar baby, you gotta show ‘em. No sunglasses though, who are you, Park Yoonmi? ”

Yoojin lifted her chin and smiled. “Not I’m not Park Yoonmi.” She picked up the discarded coat. “But soon, soon I will be.”

Ah, a 5AM morning flight, though not the kind that traveled through the air, Jaehwa was doing the other kind of flight. The crisp winter morning would have done much to jostle Jaehwa awake if her nerves hadn’t already been frayed enough. Awake hadn’t been the problem all throughout last night and she felt fatigue pulling at the very edges of her perception even when the adrenaline banished it again.

She could still go back home, unpack her suitcase, and stop with this foolishness. She could go back to bed, sign up for next semester’s classes, email the dean that it had all been a mistake.

No, she couldn’t, she had signed the contract. Doing so would be a breach.

She could afford the fees.

How would she explain them?

Like her parents ever needed any explanation for her spending. Like they ever noticed. 

No. She squared her shoulders. She had made the decision and how would it look if she backed out now? Cho Jaehwa was many things but she was not capricious or irresolute. Cho Jaehwa kept her appointments and right now she had an appointment with a filming crew and a new girl group. She just had to get there.

Determined not to leave any sort of trail and to play the part she would be playing for the next two years, Jaehwa headed toward the nearby metro station. She knew what to do, she had practiced it beforehand so she would be perfect at the role. She took the lift down to the station, deftly pressed her phone with credit card to the reader, and confidently strode through the gates. Now if only there had been more than a handful of other travelers this early in the morning to witness her naturality. 

It had been surprisingly easy to get Ehwa to give her a 2 year break from university. Jaehwa suspected that with all the headache of trying to figure out online lessons during the upcoming student lockdown they just handwaved anything asked of them, thankfully without too many questions asked. She’d be sure to schedule a small donation out of gratitude later. 

Most of all of this had been surprisingly easy, Jaehwa mused as the metro train approached and she boarded. It had only taken one call and an audition for her to make the lineup of this strange project group. Jaehwa wasn’t entirely sure she understood the project. It seemed both a regular girl group as well as an especially televised one. Truthfully, she had very little idea of what to expect. This entire endeavor had been an uncharacteristically impulsive decision that was making her palms sweat around the handle of her big expensive suitcase. (she had placed a big sticker over the logo of the luxury brand in an effort to disguise it as she hadn’t thought to buy a different one beforehand. An amateur mistake.)

Getting into the group had been easy. Ehwa granting her the study break had been easy. Even hiding it from her mother had so far been easy as she’d mostly been overtaken by a mania of anything to do with corona and the break on social events meant Jaehwa had a convenient excuse not to see her for months on end. After she had successfully argued for staying inside of her Ehwa adjacent apartment that had been that.

Perhaps this ludicrous plan was possible after all? 

And then she was out of the metro, slid through the gates, and up the lift like she had been doing this all of her life. Practice truly did make perfect.

The Helix building was awash with activity as she entered, buzzing like a beehive even this early in the morning. A woman with short hair, piercings, and tattoos was jumping from person to person like a pinball while camera men and what she assumed were televisions producers talked urgently amongst each other and several pretty girls that Jaehwa assumed must be her future (did it already count as current?) teammates awkwardly stood apart from each other while several were getting examined by makeup artists and stylists to look the very best they could.

Jaehwa swallowed the feeling of getting overwhelmed and grounded herself. Look for the one in charge, every storm has its center. The words of her mother echoed through her mind as they always did. 

Her hand slipped into the pocket of her burberry coat so nobody would see the fidget. There her fingers connected with a piece of cardboard and she almost let out a shaky laugh. The businesscard. The catalyst of all of this mayhem. Somehow, she had worn the same burberry coat that she had worn that fateful day in early December when a scout had given her that business card, the same business card she had kept finding in her coat for weeks afterwards as the idea wormed itself into her brain. 

And just then she spotted Miran coming down the stairs, the picture of control as she first beckoned one of the producers and then her eyes met Jaehwa’s and she smiled and approached. “Ah! Kim Hwarin, you are perfectly on time. Come in, let me introduce you to Pyo Kyumin, your manager. And here are is producer Noh, she will run you through the filming schedule. Ah, Stylist Im, please take a look at Jaehwa and make sure she’s camera ready. And Tali, where’s Tali?”

A stylist started fussing over her face, adding more makeup and adjusting as the producer filled her in on the day’s proceedings and a curt but professional manager introduced himself and somehow Jaehwa was back at home on the eve of one of her mother’s dinner parties with handfuls of professionals at work while her mother directed each of them to perfectly achieve her vision. Somehow, amidst this storm of people and busywork and stress she felt at home.

♡