Yona’s school uniform shoes click clacked against the pavement as she finally got out of her bus. It took her about an hour and a half to get to and from school every day but after leaving MLD she hadn’t wanted to also have to switch schools so she’d kept going to SOPA every day even after leaving the dorms. She could do some homework on the bus anyway, it wasn’t so bad.

The winter air was crisp and the sun's light already nearly forgotten by the sky. She pulled her scarf higher as she walked down the street. The noise grew the closer she got to her destination. Light and life streamed out of Goyang-ie Bookery, breaking up the quiet evening with laughter and noise. Yona took a right into the alley and opened the book slash cat café’s back door to let herself in.

Familiar smells instantly embraced her. Cat, mostly, as even the back rooms weren’t immune to feline invasions. Then, even stronger, coffee. Fainter, as there were no fresh bakes after 15:00, came the homey smell of baked goods.

She opened the door into the café proper, only to be greeted by a well-known but ever-pathetic weeehh. “Oh, hello Sir Fluffkins.”

The eponymous Sir Fluffkins, an absolutely hideous grey Persian, sat back on his hind legs and lifted his legs into the hair demandingly.

“Oh, alright your majesty.” Yona re-balanced her bag, knelt down, and lifted the cat into her arms. “Didn’t find anyone worthy of you in the café today?” She gave him a little kiss. “I will have to make up for that. Do you think there’s a table left for me?” On Fridays the café was open late and busy at nearly all hours but with some luck she could do her homework with some fresh cocoa and a warm pastry.

Saemna didn’t even notice her coming in, so busy was her sister with the orders. Yona absently scratched Sir Fluffkin’s neck as she approached. “Can I help?”

Saemna started. “Oh, hi Yona,” she said, exhaustion evident but a smile quickly replaced it. “No need, I’ve got it covered. How was school?”

“It was good,” Yona lied. She scanned the café and with relief found that Saemna had put the reserved sign on her favourite nook. “I’m gonna do some homework in the corner, let me know if you need help!”

She sat Sir Fluffkins on the table and sighed at the sight before her. Proof again that cats either couldn’t read signs or pretended very hard. Chunky orange tabby Turducken was spread out across the majority of the sofa, she had to fold  herself around the table and sit in the only space he had left her. “Manspreading today, are you?” Yona scratched his head and opened her books.

15 minutes into a desperate attempt to solve a logarithmic function Yona was startled out of her thoughts by a low thud right in front of her. She looked up and stared at a computer screen. She looked up at Saemna in confusion. “What’s this?”

“This,” Saemna indicated the screen which was loaded up to an online form. “Is an audition.”

That did nothing to clear up Yona’s confusion. “An audition for what?”

“An audition for an idol show.”

Yona frowned. “No- I tried and I failed and that’s okay I can do other things.”

Saemna slid into the seat opposite her, pushing a now disgruntled Sir Fluffkins out of the way. “Yona, I haven’t seen you smile since you quit MLD-” she held up a hand before Yona could reply. “I know I know it was good for you to quit, it wasn’t the right place for you. But right now you’re just a ghost. I miss the little sister who was so filled to the brim with dreams she was too bright to look at sometimes.”

Yona’s heart ached. Now she’d done not, not only was she herself miserable but she was making other people sad too! Was there nothing she was good for? She closed the screen. “I can’t, unnie, what if I have another attack? I can’t do that to people.”

“And I can’t watch you do this to yourself.” Saemna opened up the laptop screen again. “This isn’t like Produce, it’s forming a group right off the bat and it’s only for 2 years! You can have a taste of your dream and if it ends up not being what you want then you can stop after.” Saemna reached out and held squeezed Yona’s hand. “At least tell me you’ll try.”

Yona felt her heart beat faster, felt her nerves rise at the very thought of trying again. Butterflies of hope and moths of fear battling it out- no that wasn’t fair to moths they were wonderful creatures with the most adorable little fuzzy antennae and they didn’t deserve to be roped into this metaphor-

Saemna squeezed her hand again. “Just try. You might not even get in but at least you will have tried. Maybe then if you don’t get in your can let it rest.”

“Okay,” Yona found herself saying while burying her hands in the hem of her shirt to hide the sweat that was starting to form. She probably wouldn’t even get in.

Saemna got up and kissed the top of her head. “I just want to see you smile again. And I’m sure if Girim could see you she would say the same in much stronger language.”

Yona smiled despite the nerves. “I’m sure she would.

“I look ridiculous.” Jiwoo turned around in the mirror to look at the frilly pink school uniform the company was making her wear. Sure she had kind of baited this with her song choice but did it have to look straight out of an anime cosplay?!

“You look cuuuute!” Hayoung was grinning.

“Ridiculous!!” Jiwoo protested. “I’m-” she shuddered. “20 now, I shouldn’t be wearing uniforms anymore.”

Hayoung raised a perfect little eyebrow. “Is it any more ridiculous than tassels?”

“I liked the tassels,” Jiwoo said stubbornly. “They tickled while we danced and they looked delightfully stupid. Who thinks tassels on a thigh strap are y??”

Hayoung snorted. “We’ve worn so many things over the years that were supposed to be y. Do you remember those crop top blouses with the suspenders underneath on our skin for that Angel stage?”

Jiwoo winced. “Those straps bit into the skin after a day of dancing.” She sighed and looked in the mirror again. Subconsciously she did some of the dance moves she’d reluctantly practiced for the past week. In a couple of hours she was going to be waiting to do her audition. Her stomach turned at the thought and she groaned. “How am I nervous for this stupid audition I don’t want to be doing in the first place?!”

“Do you remember what Sebyeol-unnie told us before our first performance with them?”

“‘If you’re not nervous before a performance you’re not human.’” Jiwoo took a slow breath in and a slow breath out, just as their leader -former leader- had taught her when she was just a 15 year old little baby about to go onto her first Show Champion stage.

“I still can’t believe they’re making you do this,” Hayoung said. “It’s so cruel.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Jiwoo sulked. She dropped onto her big fluffy bed. “I thought that, when Neon disbanded, surely my contract must go with it but nope, apparently because I joined the group later I still have two more years on my contract. Two. More. Years.”

“And you can’t break it?”

Jiwoo dramatically flopped down onto her pillows and copious amounts of plushies. “No money. You know as well as I do that we didn’t make a single cent as Neon and my parents can’t pay for the ridiculous fees they’re asking. It’s okay though there’s no way in hell I’m making it through this audition anyway. They must have pulled all the strings they had left just to get me the audition. JGC isn’t important enough to actually get me in, they weren’t even important enough to get us onto Weekly Idol.”

Hayoung snorted. “So true. Look, it’s going to be fine. You’re going to fulfill your obligation to the company by auditioning, you’re not going to get in, and who knows maybe they can get you some role in a webdrama or something. That’s what you wanted, right?”

Jiwoo groaned. It all sounded so neat and certain when Hayoung said it. “I gueeeess.” She sure as hell wasn’t going to let this hell company roll her from one nugu group right into another one. If she had to stand forgotten at the back of a stage one more time while other groups actually stood a chance to win a trophy- no that. If she had to stand on a music show stage one more time she would scream. She’d done the thing, she’d paid her idol dues, she was donesies.

if she knew what else she should be doing but at least she knew what she wouldn’t be doing.

“So what songs are you doing?” Hayoung asked.

“Oh just IU like a basic .” Jiwoo swished the pink checked skirts from side to side with dismay.

“And the other one? You had to do one talent and one idol song right? I read the brief.”

“Oh the other one.” Jiwoo smiled wickedly. “I’m doing Pick Me.”

Hayoung gasped. “No!”

Jiwoo grinned wider. “There’s no way in hell they’re picking me.”

~*~
  

Yeowool leaned forward in the bathroom mirror. Her foundation was bravely holding, her lipstick remained glossy, her eyeliner was on point. Should she have opted for leaving her hair loose after all? No the half-up style really showed off her bare shoulders and sweeping her hair out of her face left room for her cat-eyes to be the star. She smoothed the name-sticker on her denim skirt for the umpteenth time. You’ve got this, Choi Yeowool, she thought. She took a deep breath. Of course you’ve got this. You’ve always had this.

She used all her strength not to glare at the loudly gossiping and giggling teenagers in front of the mirror next to her. Fresh pretty girls who were all whim and no commitment. They didn’t know what it was really like to work for your dreams. They didn’t know what it was like to go to audition after audition and be overlooked in favour of exactly this kind of fresh unbothered and shallow teenager.

Yeowool straightened her shoulders. But this time would be different, she could feel it. This would be the one. Finally she was going to be appreciated for her talent and her beauty. They were finally going to see what nobody else saw, not even YG himself: that Yeowool was made to be a star. She was a great singer, a great dancer, she could even rap if pressed. She weighed nothing and looked amazing with the cat-like beauty. Truly there was no reason why she wouldn’t make it into this project.

She would show him. She would show YG exactly what he had let go. She would show all of BLACKPINK the kind of talent they were missing.

The gaggle of girls removed themselves from their lipgloss and their reflections and passed Yeowool. One of them bumped into her shoulder as they went and despite the bow she could swear she heard them say something about ahjumma.

Yeowool gripped the edge of the sink and centered herself. Just focus on you. Focus on what you prepared. You are going to be amazing.

She smoothed the name sticker once more. She hated those stickers, they always left gross residue at the end of the day. She hated the number it made her. She hated standing in a line of a dozen other girls, waiting for her turn to impress stone faces behind a desk that had seen scores of other girls with name stickers desperate to impress them before her and would see more after her. She hated the glassy look in their eyes as she introduced herself, the disinterest gaze as she sang, the yawn as she danced-

No. She shook her head, pulled the lip gloss out of her purse, and reapplied it. She would be perfect. Everything would be fine.

Yeowool would finally find her time to shine.

“Okay okay, I got one. marry kill: Satan, Bang Sihyuk, or Kim Donghan.”

Liqi snorted and nearly choked on her gum, something made even more awkward by the fact that she was laying on her back on a bench with her head dipping down to the floor. Narang grinned back at her, her image upside-down but no less devious.

“Trainee director Kim Donghan??” Siyeon wrinkled her pretty little nose. “Big ew.”

“Satan?!” Squeaked Ruri.

“Simple,” Liqi said. “Marry Satan, there’s gotta be worse gigs than queen of hell. Bang Sihyuk if I must, maybe he’ll finally debut us. And then there’s no way I won’t kill-”

The sound of the doorknob turning.

Danger!

Liqi startled so hard she fell off the bench but with expert reflexes managed to fall on top of the pile of choco pies she had snuck in for her girls and slide them under the bench just in time for the door to open and her least favourite person to appear behind it. It was Satan’s very own miracle the gum hadn’t shot down and probably out of her .

Kim Donghan frowned at the sight of the Big Hit trainees. “Working hard I see.”

“We were just taking a break,” Siyeon said too quickly and voice shooting up too high like a right amateur. Hadn’t Liqi taught her better? Show Donghan an inch of weakness and he’ll eat you up whole.

“I’ve heard you practice Min Siyeon, you can’t afford to take breaks.” There it was, Danghan putting the in character assassination. 

Liqi just smiled innocently. “But Donghan-sunsaengnim, you were the one who taught us that if you practice singing too much you’ll only put your throat in a bad condition. We have to take breaks and drink lots of water to stay in good condition, right?”

“Huang Liqi,” he said with all the enthusiasm of someone with a severe nut allergy arriving to a peanut butter eating contest. “I have to speak to you.”

Ominous.

Liqi got up and cast one apologetic glance to her girls as she followed him out into the hallway. She cocked her head as Donghan walked toward his office in silence, falling into step a pace behind him so she could dump her gum into a choco pie wrapper. Did he finally convince the company to fire her? Or were they ing finally debuting? She’d killed it last evaluation so she didn’t think she was getting fired but you never knew in this place. Then again she’d been there for 6 years, before the great trainee purge of 2014 when all female trainees were unceremoniously dumped into Source after the whole GLAM thing and back again when Big Hit had decided that -apparently- the fairer was worthy of their time again. If they hadn't fired her like 10 times before then why now?

Then again, this was Big Hit, they might as well just stab her in the back a third time to really finish her off.

Donghan took his seat behind the big heavy desk that was obviously made just to make him feel like a real man (it was probably mahogany) and gestured for her to take a seat in front. She did so, keeping her sweet and pleasant smile on her face all the while. “What did you want to talk to me about, sungsaengnim?”

“Have you heard of the upcoming MNET production Dream4U?” He asked, not keeping his disdain for it hidden.

“Sure,” she said. She and the girls had all shaded them for trying so soon after the whole Produce 99 fiasco. That show was still warm in its grave, it had been what? A year and a bit? 

“The company has decided to send you to represent Hybe.”

Liqi opened and closed .

Donghan smiled, he actually smiled, the . “This might be the first- no second time I’ve seen you at a loss for words, Huang Liqi.” 

“You’re sending me to the discount Produce?” Liqi couldn’t stop herself. “And who’s Hybe?”

“Ah, of course it hasn’t been announced yet, but Hybe is the new rebranding of Big Hit to prepare for a diversification of the company structure.”

“It sounds like a venereal disease.”

“It does,” Donghan agreed to her surprise. “Yes, we are sending you to the discount Produce. The top wants to strengthen the bonds with CJ E&M so it was decided we would participate in their little pet project and collaborate on a survival show further in the future. It was decided that you weren’t needed in the future girl group projects of the company.” 

He at least had the decency not to gloat. 

“It’s either Dream4U or dismissal, your choice. Let it be known you weren’t my choice to send, I would have much rather sent someone who might represent us in a better light but I wasn’t consulted on this either.” Ah, so even this insult he would not have granted her. Typical. "Then again, why tie down a perfectly good trainee on some nugu project for 2 years?"

She squared her shoulders. “I have spent 6 years of my life training for you.” She hated how small and pathetic it sounded.

“And we’re giving you the opportunity to debut! It’s more than most discarded trainees get so I suggest you start feeling thankful instead of this petulant resentment.” Donghan turned his attention to the computer, dismissing her. “You may go, you’ll sign the contract next week. Congratulations, you’ll be officially signing as a Big Hit artist.”

Petulant resentment?? Congratulations?!

She felt into the pocket of her sweatpants and found the choco pie wrapper, unwrapped the still gross piece of chewing gum, and stuck it to the underside of his probably mahogany big boy desk. Then she stood up, bowed politely, and said “Of course. Thank you sungsaengnim.”

“Did you hear there was another coronavirus case?” Yookyung asked, sitting down at their usual table. “Something about a conference in Singapore?”

“Oh please,” Jiyoung rolled her eyes. “It’s already all my parents can talk about anymore, can we not? It’s gonna blow over in a month or so like those other viruses or whatever, I can’t have more things to worry about with exams next week.”

“More importantly!” Eunhui slid down the bench and drumrolled on the tabled. “What has eomma Jung packed for today??”

“Can you think of nothing but food?” Jiyoung complained.

“Is there anything else to think about? I will trade you my entire kimbab for sweets please. Grandma thinks I’m getting chubby and should go on a diet so she didn’t pack me any.” Eunhui pouted. Didn’t Jiyoung understand that she SUFFERED??

“I grabbed a choco pie just for you-” Yookyung’s eyes lit up. “Ohmigosh kimbab?? I love your grandma’s kimbab!”

“Don’t give her the whole thing, you’ll be complaining you’re hungry again in an hour, it’ll be unbeeeearable.” Jiyoung grabbed her chopsticks and quickly stole a piece of the kimbab and giggled when Eunhui tried to swat her away.

“NO THAT IS CHOCO PIE CURRENCY ONLY!!!!!”

A moment later Eunhui closed her eyes as she took a bite of the blessed choco pie, feeling the sugar fuel her. 

“Wait tho did you see Omni’s comeback on M Countdown yesterday?” Yookyung asked with a mouth full of kimbab.

“I had to study all night,” Jiyoung said miserably. “My dad confiscated my earbuds and I swear he was sitting outside my door to make sure I wouldn’t open YouTube. Please PLEASE tell me Jaeseok looked hot as ever??”

“The choreo to A Song Written Easily is even better than in the MV!” Yookyung said. “And oh my gooood the way Kaidan looked into the camera was like he was looking right at me.” She sighed happily. “I will marry that man someday. I bought like 10 albums to get into their fansign next week. We can watch some of the fancams!”

“Oh! Show me Jaeseok!!” Jiyoung scooched closer as Yookyung grabbed her phone. “Oh and Eunhui probably wants to see Ilwoo’s,” she leaned over and nudged her. “Girl I know your biases.”

Eunhui looked up from the corpse of what had previously been a choco pie. “Oh yeah, yes please! He’s such a good rapper.”

“And he’s cuuuuute,” Yookyung teased.

The DING of a notification on Eunhui’s phone interrupted them. She glanced really quickly to see what was vying for her attention and her heart stopped when she saw it.

“What is it?” Jiyoung asked.

“It says it’s from CJ E&M.” All she could see was [email protected] and the subject Your Application For Dream4U. “It’s the thing I auditioned for.”

“The idol show??” Jiyoung asked while Yookyung snatched the phone from her hands.

“Noooo let me read it!”Eunhui tried to grab it back but Yookyung was already reading.

“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!”

“WHAT?!?! WHAT DOES IT SAY?!?!”

“GIRL YOU’RE GONNA BE FAMOUS!!!!!”

“WHAT?!” In one last desperate swoop Eunhui dove for the phone, wrestling it out of her friend’s surprisingly sturdy grip and nearly dropping it into the last piece of kimbab.

Congratulations, you have been selected to participate in the Dream4U project.

Her heart found the will to beat again and it was determined to make up for lost beats by trying to beat its way right out of her chest.

What the ?!

She’d only applied when Jiyoung and Yookyung had dared her to do it. She didn’t even have any real skills aside from some hobby dance classes years ago and ample time in various karaoke booths and frivolous what if daydreams after cringey meeting your bias fanfics.

Jiyoung and Yookyung were screaming and hugging her but it all felt like she had a fishbowl over her head and all that existed in this little universe where her, her heart, and that email.

“What?” She whispered softly while her friends were hugging and shaking her in another dimension. “The ,” the whispered even softer.

All at once reality rushed back to her and her friends’ very shrill very obnoxious screams assaulted her senses while the curious eyes of the other students in the cafeteria poked her. “What the heck I’m going to be an idol! I’m going to be famous!”

Yookyung stopped abruptly. “I mean you could still end up some nugu don’t go getting any airs, Kan Eunhui.”

Eunhui stared at her for a moment then burst out laughing, throwing her arms around her best friends. “I’m going to be the best nugu ever!!!!!”

♡