“We should talk somewhere.”

“Okay. Do we…do you want to go to my place?”

“Uhm, how about mine?”

“Rosie, my home is closer?”

“Yeah, but mine is more…private. If…your mom happens to hear what we’d, uh, talk about, I’ll probably die on the spot.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah so…”

“Okay, your place then—are you having an allergic attack? You’re all red. Do you have med—”

“I don’t—this isn’t allergy, uhm. Let’s go.”

Sensory overload was all Jennie could think of. The muffled humming of the car engine, a steady purring of the airconditioning, and the clickety clacking of Rosie’s nails against her teeth. They were beside each other, with enough space in between just for one person, but for Jennie, an incalculable distance.

Of course, things became awkward again after the eating stopped. Jennie knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. She thanked her lucky stars however that Rosie is Rosie and it isn’t in the nature of that girl to make things more difficult—the situation just is. Try again. Jennie’s mind kept screaming. Try. Again. You. Wuss.  

“Are you okay now?”

Rosie’s hand froze in the middle of clacking her teeth. While her head slowly turned to face Jennie, she kept her eyes downcast. “I really wasn’t having an allergic reaction. I promise. I…” Rosie began picking her nails while her legs bounced slightly like a child about to confess that she broke the vase. “I just remembered, you know, that thing that didn’t happen.”

Jennie sighed but felt a blush creeping to her face. “It did happen, and I know,” she glanced at the driver’s direction then spoke in hushed tone, “I know I’m the one who said to just forget it while I’m the one who— I have lot of explaining to do. Just…can you give me a chance?”

“I think…me too. I mean, some explaining. Or a lot.” Rosie puckered up and glanced at Jennie. “This isn’t how I imagined—” she shook her head violently before letting out a nervous laughter. “Not that I imagined anything, uhh, nope.”

Jennie bit her inner cheek to stop herself from laughing. She scooted closer to Rosie and whispered, “You were never good at lying, Rosie Posie,” before she bumped the other girl’s shoulder. She was taking a risk, teasing the other girl like that. Jennie however figured, that despite the ambiguity of their relationship, past and present, there was one certain constant—she always made the first move, or took the first step since day one. She didn’t mind at all. It wasn’t even something she was truly conscious about until unexpected and unfamiliar feelings wriggled their way to her heart.

To say that these days she had been more hyperaware of everything Rosie was an accurate state of affairs in Jennie’s life. From Rosie’s alabaster complexion to her crooked smile, or how great she looked in a suit as much as she owned high fashion ensemble like she was born to do it; how she slowly shed her baby fats without Jennie realizing it until it hit her squarely on the head, one day, while browsing through Rosie’s Instagram account. After that, it was all Rosie’s jawline she saw—that jawline, yes—genetics contouring them perfectly to Jennie’s eternal gratitude.

She tried hard not to think like a hormonally-charged teenager, she really did. But Lisa constantly raved about Rosie’s legs, and Jisoo—and the rest of humanity— spoke in length about the Australian’s legendary waistline. Jennie swore it’s not her fault that her eyes kept wandering to certain…parts. Power of suggestion was Jennie’s constant defense. She held her tongue all the time, because she was deathly scared of sounding like a ert, let alone be caught on camera obsessing over Rosie. That’s one forced trip to upper management office she didn’t want to make so she can explain herself, and another finger wagging from Jisoo taking her policing duties seriously. Years of being the Kpop punching bag had left her more conscious of behavior that arguably were considered normal among girl groups.

Jennie was already tired of public censuring and therefore ventured into safer territory. She tried maintaining a certain distance but made sure she was still orbiting around the subject of her affection in private.  

Jisoo, perceptive as always, first touched on it. The day rumors started circulating that their government was considering lockdown during the first month the virus arrived in the country, she and Jisoo were having (socially-distanced) coffee together. The eldest in the group stayed silent as Jennie violently tapped away on her phone, sending what was her 5th message to Rosie asking where she is, if she is safe, if she is prepared for such event. Jennie knows, Rosie will crumble in panic if her pantry isn’t well-stocked and she would’ve hated violating the rules just to sneak food inside Rosie’s apartment (which she was already planning in her head how to, just in case.) Jisoo called Lisa, but the Thai’s chill approach to life still applied to pandemics, apparently: “Yeah, yeah, I have enough cat food and instant noodles. I’m good.”

“Jendeuk,” Jisoo chuckled. “Relax.”

Jennie glared at Jisoo before sending another message. “She might not be prepared.”

“Are you?”

“I’m sure my mom is. You?”

Jisoo nodded and turned her attention to outside the café, watching people walk by—some in a hurry while most casually carried on. “Well, this could really just be rumors, you know how it is.”

“Or could be true. And SOMEONE is once again oblivious of her surroundings,” Jennie said in exasperation, “and has NOT checked her phone.”

The older girl rolled her eyes, “Rosie isn’t 16 anymore. She CAN and HAS been taking care of herself. Very well.”

“This is different,” Jennie countered.

“You’re different,” Jisoo retorted with a knowing smirk.

Jennie raised an eyebrow and a finger, “Hold that thought, I'm just trying to call— Park Roseanne, FINALLY, you remembered you have a phone.”

The eldest of the group has trained, lived, and worked long enough with these three colorful characters known as her bandmates. Most of all, she cared for every one of them. So much that it’s easy these days for her to perceive changes in patterns of behavior. She’s not always 100% right, but she never dismissed her hunches. She would rather be mistaken for thinking too much, than for caring too little.

Jisoo tilted her head slightly with a bemused expression. She heard Rosie’s muffled laughter at Jennie’s outrage. She noted her bandmate sitting in front of her softened her tone but continued rebuking the younger girl.

“…And if you need anything, ANYTHING, just call me, okay? This is not a laughing matter—Rosie, take this seriously…Well, you don’t sound like you are—update me and for the sake of my sanity, pleaaase learn to reply, it’s not THAT hard.”

The eldest dramatically picked up her coffee, sipping slowly while peering through the cup. “Is that Rosie you’re really talking to?”

“Of course, that’s Rosie.”

“Hmm.”

“Jisoo.”

Jisoo laughed, barely able to contain her evil smirk. “Could’ve fooled me. I thought you secretly have a…” She paused then mouthed silently, “lover.” She then continued speaking in a more normal level, “You really need to inform management so they don’t get caught unaware in a middle of a…lockdown.”

Jennie stared at her friend, equally impressed and horrified. A part of her also felt relieved that she can finally talk about it with someone. “How long?”

“How long what?”

“How long have you known about my…little crush?”

“Long enough,” Jisoo snorted. “You’re lucky I don’t go out of my way to tease you.”

Jennie rubbed her nape. “It’s just…it’s nothing. I’ll get over it, soon. I’m not even…actually I don’t know anymore. Could just be proximity? Is that possible?

“Are you asking me? Or are you convincing yourself? Because I don’t have the answer to that.”

“Yeah, no. I’m just…there’s a part of me that’s still in a little bit of denial. Chu…this is scaring me. It has been. For quite…some time.”

“How long?” Jisoo returned the question, sympathy overflowing in her eyes.

Jennie shrugged. “I’m not really sure. But truly being aware that I had certain feelings for a certain chipmunk…when I was dating Kai.” She in air and leaned closer, resting her arms on the table.

Jisoo’s eyes comically grew wide, her face freezing in confusion. “You, he was like your ultimate crush.”

The other idol nodded slowly in response. “And I did, I mean I went out with him because he was. And you know he was really a nice guy, a gentleman, all of that. We didn’t really ended things because we got caught, I mean we would’ve been known eventually had we stayed on longer, you know?” Jennie chuckled at the memory of how ridiculous the reason they ended up using. “Truthfully at some point, I…got cold and distant, it just wasn’t right to continue.”

“Because of a certain chipmunk,” Jisoo nodded sagely. Jennie looked away and scratched her face, “You can put it that way. I know you’re trying hard not to laugh. It’s okay,” Jennie groaned. “I know you’re dyi