A/N: I think Mercy was mentioned briefly in Johnny's one alongside with her relationship with Chenle (Balcony scene) and Winwin's IT Tech job, too. xoxo

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Give me your loneliness and I'll give you mine
Leave all your tears by your bedside, and let's live a night
I know you feel a mess and your pillow won't dry (Dry)
You come lay on me instead for a night

- Pillows, Eaj & Keshi

Lucas didn’t know what to feel.

He didn’t want to accept that he was no stranger to this feeling—anger, realization and disappointment. The bed creaked and he closed his eyes, sighing to himself when he felt hands wrap around his waist from behind. He tried his hardest to not lash out on her, to hold it in.

He hated how he knew what he was signing up for and he hated that whatever Midnight said was right—they were friends; nothing more, nothing less. He wondered if he latched on to her because she was comfortable or because it was because he began to have feelings.

The female behind him pressed her face against his back and Lucas swallowed, his body stiffening momentarily when he turned to see her smiling at him. Flashes of memories of Midnight’s voice made Lucas frown when he looked at her and forced a smile.

“Whatcha thinking about?” she asked, the furry tilting her head at him.

He had to stop calling her ‘The Furry’ in his head, Lucas thought, resorting to her real name.

“Nothing,” he lied, placing his arms behind his head to provide himself leverage, his mind running places. He had a habit of falling down a rabbit hole, thinking of the same things over and over again when he noticed the bruises on her the female’s skin.

He absentmindedly reached out, smoothing a finger over the dark and red purple marks on her neck, Heeyoung following his gaze.

“You bruised me,” she stated and he chewed on his bottom lip. He found himself thinking that he liked the marks on Midnight better than her. He liked that he could paint her skin like the sunset and how she would frown when he pointed it out to her. He liked how he could run his fingers on the arch of her neck and despite just having him deep inside her, her body responded to his touch like no other.

“I’m sorry,” Lucas replied and he wondered if he was saying sorry to her or if he was saying sorry to himself. He should have been more careful with his feelings; he had been so careful for so long and yet here he was, trying to handle another set of emotions he vowed to never drown in ever again.

Lucas glanced at the clock to see that it was 3 am, the time of the night he would be under the covers with her, thinking to himself that he wouldn’t want 7 am to come. He had been lying to himself all along, thinking that love was something he could avoid if he protected himself but yet it slapped him hard on the face.

With that though, he sighed, turning to look at Heeyoung.

“You have to leave,” he told her softly and he watched as her eyes change. From confusion, to annoyance then to hurt. He wished he could capture how hurt she looked because then he would keep replaying it in his head and remind himself that maybe that was how he looked like when he confronted Midnight.

It had been two weeks; two agonizing weeks of not talking to her and avoiding each other like a plague. Two weeks of having different women in his bed and watching her have different men in hers.

Two weeks of Lucas with his head full of static, the male trying to revert back to the man he was before after tasting what it was like to get warmth from someone.

“You have to leave,” he repeated and she stared at him silently, Lucas getting up. He wouldn’t want to see her put on her clothes. He’d keep his back faced towards her, wait for the door to close, and go back to bed.

He headed to the kitchen for a glass of water, his eyes going to the closed door of Midnight’s bedroom. Very briefly did he see her face that morning, her lips dry and her eyes tired from the upcoming final exam. He remembered thinking if he should talk to her but Lucas knew there was no point.

He’d have to do what he always did, deal with it and run away.

He stopped in the middle of the living room, hearing the sound of her bed creaking, a searing flash of jealousy running through him when he shook his head to himself. He walked back to his bedroom to see Heeyoung gather her clothes, Lucas stopping by the door way.

“Just stay,” he finally said, the female looking up at him with confusion. “It’s alright.”

She must have wondered why he suddenly changed his mind, Lucas kicking the door shut with his foot and going to the bed and she soon climbed in after him. And even if she wasn’t the one he was used to, Lucas turned to his side to hug her, his arms wrapping around his companion for the night so he could feel her warmth.

As he tried to fall asleep, he found himself telling himself that it was okay.

That this would have to do.

Even if it was only for one night.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“That was amazing,” the man beside me said, breathing heavily. I glanced at the surfer dude, unable to mask my annoyance. But maybe this was good—maybe being annoyed would help me handle all the other feelings I was trying to hide.

“Sure,” I whispered, turning away from him. Two weeks since I had spoken to Lucas and Jeonghan. The day after Jeonghan came over, I met him again and I told him that I was going to take a step back.

“You’re doing it again,” Jeonghan told me. “Pushing me away when we could be together.”

Little did he know that it wasn’t because I was afraid of my emotions for Jeonghan, it was because I was confused and I was a coward. In my very own way, I was a coward.

I went back home that day with one goal in mind, and that was to talk to Lucas. Maybe to tell him that I turned Jeonghan down. I didn’t know why it mattered that he had to know but I knew I wanted to tell him about it.

Hopefully, he’d be proud of me.

Except for that day, I came home to hear a girl in his room and instead of feeling the same nonchalance I usually did, my stomach jumped and I found myself locked in my room and dialing the first guy on my phone.

And that was how it continued; a different girl every day for him, a different guy every other day for me.

A silent competition.

Almost a competition of pride as to who would break first.

Today was a little different. Today, I felt a little tired of fighting.

A little tired of trying to prove my point. Very tired of pretending. I needed a glass of water and as I stood up and wrapped a robe around my body, I moved to the door to open it just to hear Lucas’ voice float by.

“Just stay,” he said. “It’s alright.”

Whatever tiredness I felt dissipated and I closed the door softly, turning back to the surfer dude who had that cocky arrogant grin on his face and my hands balled up into tight fists. I closed my eyes, the knot in my stomach settling into an overpowering need to make sure I got what I wanted tonight.

“You,” I hissed at him, the surfer dude raising an eyebrow at my tone. “ in bed.”

I snapped at him, my hand going to undo the robe before letting it fall back onto the ground. I stepped towards him, and a flash of fear ran through his features. I don’t know what I said to him that night and I don’t know what came over me but I remember thinking to myself when he was taking me for the second time that—

This would have to do.

Even if it was only for one night.

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It was funny because I woke up first, walking out to see the familiar face of the furry (Her name was Heeyoung and I tried to remember it so I would refrain from calling her ‘The Furry’ when I addressed her.) in the kitchen. I gave her a kind smile, thinking to myself that I couldn’t hate this girl. She knew nothing about what was going on.

I offered to make coffee for her to which, she thanked me for.

With that, the door of Lucas’ room opened and he came out with his suit, his car keys in his hand. For a moment, our eyes met and I raised an eyebrow, greeting him.

“Hey, Lucas.”

He raised an eyebrow back.

“Hey,” he said when the door of my bedroom opened and the surfer dude stepped out, ruffling his hair. They were friends, that much I knew since the start, and Lucas passed him a boyish smile. “Joon!”

“Ah, Lucas!” his friend smiled, going out to pound on his shoulder. “What a coincidence.”

Lucas gave him a silent smile, grabbing a mug to fill it up with coffee before leaning against the kitchen counter.

“So… how was it?” he asked almost conversationally, his eyes on me. His voice was snarky and I gripped the mug in my hand. “Did you reach your…”

He paused to think of a word.

“Crest?” he asked and Heeyoung, Little-Miss-Furry, looked confused for a moment when she snapped her fingers.

“Oh, crest! The highest point of a wave!” she nodded, “Oh, Lucas. You are so smart. It’s because you surf, don’t you? Where do you surf? We live in Seoul!”

“How’d you know he surfs?” Lucas asked her and she shrugged, telling him that they matched each other a few weeks ago and got it on. I blinked, thinking to myself that I was standing in the middle of a Tinder-one-night-stand community.

“Tell him what we did last night,” the surfer dude urged me and I flushed bright red, trying to avoid the conversation. Lucas seemed to catch on, thinking that we did something weird when I cleared my throat.

“Doesn’t matter what we did, it was amazing,” I concluded and Lucas cocked up an eyebrow.

“Really? Amazing?” he asked, almost challenging me with his expression.

“Yes,” I replied, placing the mug down. “Amazing. Also, Lucas. You know we’re out of cat food?”

Ah, low blow, low blow… but he shouldn’t have started it.

Didn’t take long for Lucas to process my words, Lucas scowling at me.

“Should just Grabtaxi it, you like the convenience, don’t you?”

“Mhm. Good idea,” I drawled before adding, “Meow.” for a finishing touch.

I smirked when I saw his hand tighten around the handle of the mug, both the surfer and the furry blinking rapidly. It wasn’t hard to know there was tension, Lucas clearing his throat and telling Heeyoung and he’d send her off.

“Oh, you mind sending us off, too?” Joon asked and I frowned at his words. “What? You and I go to YG university. It’s on the way to your work place, isn’t it, Lucas?”

Lucas didn’t seem please at the idea but he nodded either way and before we knew it, Joon was beside me, his arms around my shoulders casually while Lucas and held Heeyoung’s bag in his hand because ‘he was a gentleman’.

As we reached his car, I announced that I would take shotgun, Lucas snapping back at me.

“Why would you take shot gun?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You live in my apartment?”

“I pay rent!” he told me and I rolled my eyes.

“Do you, Lucas?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course, I do!”

For some reason, this felt good. This felt like I was communicating with him, like we had something to say even if we were just fighting over something small. I kicked his wheel and he slammed his hand over the hood of his car when the back door opened and I saw the surfer and the furry climb in to avoid listening to us fight.

Lucas and I glared at each other, the male finally looking away to enter the car as I followed. I was fuming and I plopped myself into the front seat, closing the door behind me.

“Seatbelt.” Lucas’ voice came out as strained. “Put on your seatbelt.”

“Why? It’s not that far,” I answered. I know I was acting like a brat, Lucas muttering something under his breath. “Just drive, Lucas.”

“Suit yourself.”

And with that, he slammed his legs down on the accelerator, driving the car out onto the street as I squealed. The surfer and the furry looked stricken at how Lucas was driving, my housemate finally slowing down once we reached the main road.

“Put on your seatbelt,” he snapped and I mimicked his voice.

“Put on your seatbelt—”

“I swear to god, Midnight—” his voice was cut out when another car cut through the traffic and Lucas had to slam his foot against the brakes to avoid us from crashing to another car. One of his hand gripped the steering wheel and another shot out to hold me back so I wouldn’t surge forward.

Once the car was gone; Lucas stilled, slamming his hand down on the horn, the sound echoing out onto the streets.

“ing careless drivers,” he hissed before he whipped his head towards me. “Put on your ing seat belt!”

“Calm down, bro…” Joon was saying in the background. Lucas must have noticed that his hand hovered across my chest, Lucas bringing it back towards him when he shook his head with annoyance.

I didn’t need to be told twice, my hands going to put the seatbelt on quietly before I looked away.

“We’re in a war zone,” the two people in the back could be heard saying to each other, Lucas’ blank stare sending chills down my back.

But even if we were mad and fighting, I felt my heart swell.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“That is a recipe of heartbreak,” Gucci was saying to me. “Look, I didn’t want to say it but why would you sleep with someone, knowing you live together? It’s bound to happen...”

Ugh, Gucci getting into a healthy relationship was going to piss me off one day.

I knew she deserved it and I knew how good Hendery was to her but she was beginning to get on my nerves.

“I mean, look at Hendery and—”

“What about me?” A whisper rang out and I frowned, dragging my eyes down towards the source to see her boyfriend flashing me a smile from under the seats. “Yo, you good?”

“Hendery, what in the world are you doing here?” I whispered back, Hendery giving me a shrug before he craned his neck around to check. We were somewhat at the back so our conversations could go unnoticed but this was Hendery we were talking about.

“Professor says I’m not allowed in class because I’m a distraction.” Hendery winked at me and I tilted my head at him.

“It was either I go to SM or he comes here. He’s graduating, anyway. Paid off his subjects.” She gave me an apologetic look. “I had no choice.”

“You’re bringing him around like he’s a dog.” I pointed out at her and she raised an eyebrow at me, obviously not happy at my comparison. “Are you feeding him under the table?”

Gucci’s hand froze halfway of giving Hendery a fry and Hendery broke into another wide smile before he guided it into his mouth. He chewed and I brought my face towards the front, sifting through the papers on the desk. He should be happy criminology wasn’t a well sought department, we had very little students in this class.

“What happened?” he asked and I grumbled, not looking at him. I began to write down notes.

“Your friend is a jerk.”

“Huh, funny how the story I heard was different,” Hendery mused and I lifted an eyebrow before looking towards him. He told Hendery about what was going on? I tried not to look too curious. “He told me about your capitalism problem. Did you really call him Foodpanda?”

“He was convenient.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “It’s so awkward, what do I do?”

“Funny how you actually care about how awkward it is. Normally, you wouldn’t,” Gucci pointed out. “Did you mean it, though? That he’s just a friend and nothing else?”

“I don’t see why it’s a problem,” Hendery started, crossing his legs under the table. Gucci placed a hand on his head so he could avoid hitting the solid surface. “He can always move. I mean, he was supposed to move back a little over a month, anyway.”

I frowned.

“What?”

“Your place was supposed to be just a temporary place to stay while they move him to a different branch. Your place is rather far, you know. I think they finalized his position and the branch is closer to the N-CITY district than YG. I told him to move out so it’s easier but he said that he didn’t mind driving.”

I didn’t say anything, my mind whirring.

“But really? You know the N-CITY traffic,” Hendery sighed. “It made no sense. I understand if he doesn’t want to stay near Kun but then he can always get another apartment. There was one that I picked out for him….”

And his voice droned on and on and my gaze dropped onto the table when I remembered that one night he had come home late.

Flashback

“You’re here,” I had greeted, my eyes going to the clock to see that it was eleven pm. “Late... Again.”

“Traffic,” Lucas told me, loosening his tie and going on the couch. He looked like he was deep in thought when he smiled at me. “How was your day?”

“Good,” I replied, chewing on the health bar. He sat a foot away, legs planted on the floor and I wondered why he was acting so awkward. “What are you doing there? Come here.”

Almost like he was waiting for me to say that, he had come closer, automatically wrapping his arms around my body when I placed a kiss on his cheek. His brown eyes seemed like he was contemplating something. I offered him the health bar but he shook his head.

I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to ask. I, unlike Lucas, always waited for him to tell me about himself first. Lucas had a knack of asking questions and I liked it when he did because I didn’t feel like I was oversharing.

Probably work, I thought to myself.

He had shifted and now, I was the big spoon, cradling him on my lap as he stared at the TV.

Maybe he needed comfort. Maybe he needed to be in my arms.

And as I patted his back softly, hoping that whatever he had gone through the whole day melted with my touch, he spoke softly.

“Reckless,” he began, a hand going up to my hand to intertwine his fingers with mine.

“Mhm?”

“I’m being reckless.” He breathed. “Again.”

I had no idea what he was talking about.

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The problem with being stubborn was that I almost refused to admit that this time may be different. That if he was gone, I would still survive. That’s what strength was, surviving on your own. It didn’t make it easier, however, and when I arrived home, I saw that Lucas’ shoes were already up front.

He was in his room and I heard rustling. I wondered what he was doing home so early and I sighed, giving one last look towards his room before heading into my bedroom.

But like clockwork, my found myself waking up at midnight, my body feeling the mattress beside me when I realized that he wasn’t actually there. I rubbed my eyes, standing up to go to the kitchen.

And as I opened the door, I understood why he had come home so early.

His room was empty, an envelope of money on the coffee table. His shoes were gone and he didn’t leave a single trace of him. His coffee cup was gone, the sheets that he had borrowed from me were hung up in the balcony, washed and dried.

I think I froze in the middle of the living room for a good twent