Keeping my eyes trained on her, I watch as she curled her body as small as she could on her bed.  She places her head over her right palm as her other hand clutch onto the fabric of her favourite pink blanket tightly.

She is staring at her window, eyes tailing after trails of the pouring rain that hits her window.  I can feel the suffocating clench of my heart every time I realize how empty her stare is.  This woman in front of me is nothing but the shell of a woman that she used to be.

“Ergh…”

A small noise slipped passed her lips when blinding light penetrates through her floor-to-ceiling windows, hitting her eyes and soon followed with loud booming of thunder.  She then let go of the pink fabric and sits up straight on the bed.

“I want to go out,”

She said, more to herself than acknowledging my presence.  It pains me just how timid she had become over the past few years, sometimes I even wonder if she could possibly go back to the woman that she was when we first met. 

I miss her smiles.

I miss her voice.

I miss her jokes.

Damn, I miss the sound of her laughs.

She puts her feet onto the floor, quietly hissing when she feels the coldness of her tiled floor, eyes glancing around her room as her body leaves her bed.  Our gaze locked for a brief moment before she wordlessly broke it off and walks toward the opened door.

As if on cue, I stood up from my seat and trail behind her, noting every change that had happened to her over the years.

Gone are the tight muscles on her arms that she used to brag, even to the point of giving them a name.  Those muscles are now replaced with the scars, proves of her self-harm tendencies.

The clothes that she is wearing are also looking much baggy than it should be, she is thinner and much frailer now.  Gone were her once excited steps, and the way that she would bounce with every little step.  All that is left is her heavy steps, and the way that she would occasionally drags her feet over the floor.

I halt my steps when I see her standing still before the sliding door that leads to her backyard.  Her hands clenched into a tight fist as she stares outside.  Few moments pass with complete silence around us, save for the sound of pouring rain hitting her roof and the sound of the ticking clock on her wall.

“Join me,”

She says, breaking the silence.  Suddenly it was as if the rain stopped pouring and the clock stopped ticking, all I can her is her soft voice travelling through the air.  When our gaze meets, I just wish that the time would stop.

The sound of the door being slid opened brings me out of my wishful thinking.  She puts her right foot out, hesitating for some time before she brings her left foot out.  A small smile then grazes over her lips.  It is not for long, but enough to let me see the shadow of her past self. 

She has got the smile that can light up the whole room.

Jokes that can crack up the entire stadium of audience.

Laughs that can be as contagious as flu.

Presence that makes me nervous and calm at the same time.

She was, still is… the person that I regard as my sun, my center of universe, my world, my person and my… everything.

Oh, how I wish I can bring her back. 

I am sorry, for not keeping my promise. 

I said I would be the star that would protect and shine on your darkness, but instead I became the moon that can only watch over you from a distance.  I am sorry that I could not save you with my light.

I am sorry.

I am… sorry.

I take over her earlier spot and stand before the opened door, staring at her who is now standing in the rain. 

As I continue to stare at the figure in the rain, I realize just how beautiful she is.  She looks carefree and worry-free as she stands there, her arms wide opened and eyes tightly shut.  Tears are pooling in the corner of my eyes before I blinked and it fall, trailing down my cheeks to my neck.

She opens her eyes and our gaze meet, for the nth times of the day.  Amidst the falling rain, I see the emptiness in her gaze and the pain that she fails to conceal this time around.

She opens , but no sound ever came out.  The emptiness in her eyes is now gone, replaced with clear longing. 

“I wish for an ending,”

I see her lips move, mouthing the words in silence.  Sense of fear and loneliness suddenly floods over my heart.  What would become of me if she is gone?

And it maddens me – how even at this moment I still got the nerve to worry of myself – when she is clearly hurting.

I know we both are dying inside – her more than me, but I want to think that it is a lie.  Why?

I shout the question over and over in my head, but still, I got no answer.

“Yong,”

I call underneath my breath, and the memories of numerous occasions that I would call her with hundreds of different name flashes in my mind.  Then I see her, responding to my every call and fulfilling my every request, even the most stupid one.

Then I realize that maybe it is time for me to stop waiting for her to get out of the rain and come to me.  Maybe it is time for me to be in the rain with her and show her the way out, from the rain that soaked both of us up.

Clenching my right hand into a fist, I take a deep breath before stepping into the rain with her.  I take her hands that fall on her side into mine, looking into her eyes with a comforting smile tugging on my lips.

I then place her palms on my nape before attaching my forehead to hers and wrapping my fingers on her waist.  Humming a random tune, I close my eyes and move my step my right foot forward which she follows with her left foot back.  Then I step my left foot forward while she step her right foot back.

We then start slow dancing in the rain, with my random humming and the sound of the rain as our source of music.  The lyrics to my favourite song suddenly come to my mind and I stop humming and sing it to her instead.

She is in the rain

You wanna hurt yourself

I will stay with you

You wanna make yourself go through the pain

It is better to be held than holding on

We are in the rain

In this falling rain

I fill the scattered you

So I could see how beautiful you are

We are in the rain

I open my eyes and look into her teary eyes. 

She is looking at me with fears, desperation and helplessness in her eyes.  But beneath all, I see a small flicker of love peeking out.  And that is enough, to toughen my coward heart.  And that is enough, to blow away the uncertainties in my mind and heart.

So with our gazes still connected, I tilt my head slightly to the side and dip my head lower.  However, I stop when our lips are less than an inches apart.  I then muttered a quiet whisper of ‘I love you’ in between her hot breath.

Closing my eyes, I close the distance off and our lips touched.

We kissed… in the rain.  And it was as if all the stars finally aligned. 

I will add the Yong’s POV if I deemed there is enough request for it.  If not, then I will just keep it to myself.

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