Eunbi wakes up in a sweat. She’s pretty sure it’s the cold she’s had since this morning, but her mind repeats a scene from her dream like a broken record. She wishes it could all stop. 

“I like you, unnie.”

Eunbi remembers how she almost lost control. She knew she didn’t like Sakura that way, but in the dream, she vividly recalls how it wasn’t Sakura who leaned in. She did. She captured her lips in a swift motion, releasing all of the pent up emotions she’s had. Hurt, longing, fondness. All of that remained even in the absence of the younger girl. Sakura kissed back making Eunbi want more. Greed is an emotion she’s not familiar with. She isn’t even familiar with the simple act of wanting — how can she want more than she has? Just as her hands demonstrate this greed, her eyes flutter open.

She’s exposed to her fear. Chaeyeon is at the door, staring. Her eyes, unreadable, yet Eunbi reads her state of being. She’s afraid, guilty… She’s reminded of how ugly greed can be once it’s the only thing you can feel. Greed makes humans crave for more. Yet that’s the thing with greed; it creeps up on you especially if you’ve never accepted what you deserve. Eunbi never wanted more. Perhaps that’s why the moment she feels this emotion of want for the first time, she finds it harder to go back. With Sakura, it wasn’t an issue of self-control. It was an issue of accepting that she deserved whatever Sakura had to offer. And at that moment, Eunbi still doesn’t think she deserves Sakura.

Not now, not ever.

Because she’s still afraid. She’s alright with losing Sakura, the one person who reminds her that love is scary and brings out the worst in people. She’s alright to lose her if that means she can keep the people who don’t overcomplicate things for her. If it means keeping the people who will make life an easy route and full of certainty? Eunbi’s willing to let go. No, she’s willing to push Sakura away.

She does exactly that.

Even if it’s in a parallel universe, Eunbi knows that the universe isn’t far from her own inner battles. She knows she doesn’t like Sakura like that. Yet, why is it all about her? Why is she full of Sakura? Is it the guilt? It was difficult to gauge what she truly felt towards the situation because everything that happened up until this point was confusing. Yet unlike those mystery novels she used to read, she didn’t want to find the answers.

She notices the porridge on her bedside covered with plastic wrap and a sticky note positioned next to it.

“We left for team bonding but feel better. Reheat this! Yena cooked it :P”

Eunbi weakly chuckled and grabbed her phone from her bedside. Like the typical university student, she decided to stay in her bed for a bit before rising. Normally, her face was the same old poker face, scrolling through various forms of social media but there’s a text that makes it difficult for her to maintain this face. Her eyebrows meet in the middle.

“I saw Saku-chan crying outside your door. I hope you feel better unnie :c”

Crying?

She doesn’t recall, but her heartbeat picks up its pace. Why was Sakura outside my door? Was it while I was sleeping? She had many questions, but first, she decides it would be good to eat the porridge. She wanted to join the team.

She wanted to see Sakura. That gets her out of bed better than any medicine. 

(She finally thinks maybe Yena was right. Maybe she was selfish. Maybe she needed to face her fears once and for all.)

…

It’s around two in the afternoon when the team decides to sit in a circle on the shore. The weather surprisingly got better with the sun finally peeking out its rays. The girls didn’t want to risk the same fate Eunbi is facing so they were outside with long puffy parkas and hand warmers. They played some activities that didn’t involve emotions and feelings contrary to last night and rather some that involved slapstick humor. They were divided into two teams according to their designated floors in the penthouse. 

Sakura, being the observant person she was, learned a lot about Chaeyeon. She was definitely similar to Eunbi in many ways, but also different. They were both leaders in their own way, yet these ways would be strikingly different. Eunbi lead people well and with confidence, always having an answer. Sometimes, even if this answer wasn’t the answer that the followers wanted, being the leader she was, she went along with it. It would always turn out okay.

With Chaeyeon, the girl led others with uncertainty, but optimism. She, like Eunbi, wanted to hear everyone’s opinion first, but when it came to deciding, she had difficulty disagreeing with others even if she knew the majority decision wasn’t the right one. She related to the younger members well, perhaps because she age-wise she wasn’t older by a lot, but also wasn’t one of the youngest. The only thing with Chaeyeon was that despite having leader-like qualities, she’d prefer to lead quietly.

Despite their differences, the two were also similar. They both had an eagerness to please others. They were always the people who would decide last on what role they wanted to play in a team project. People relied on them, but they couldn’t rely on others as much. Yet, they never complained about that. They both just found joy in being there for others. 

Sakura realizes that Chaeyeon isn’t unlovable. In fact, she’s truly lovable. She’s someone Sakura wants to understand better. From just three weeks, she can understand why Eunbi said those words. Rather than hearing them in her head with a hurt mindset, she feels empathy. Chaeyeon, because of her personality will be vulnerable to people who may take advantage of her kindness. Sakura wants to protect her from whatever might come her way. 

That’s why in just a span of a few hours, Sakura’s able to smile and forget about the morning filled with tears. She can’t help but smile seeing Chaeyeon laugh heartedly at the way she tripped and fell on her back after doing the elephant spin ten times. 

Sakura, when she finally regains her balance goes back to her seat, next to Chaeyeon who’s still laughing. She smiles, but not out of courtesy. She’s genuinely glad to cause much laughter. Hyewon notices the whole scene unfold, how Chaeyeon slaps her arm and that grin on Sakura’s face. She wonders if Sakura’s thinking of Eunbi at all. 

“Okay girls, so the maknae team won, meaning… as Hyewon suggested, unnie team has to dip their feet in the water!” Wonyoung exclaimed, being one of the happiest to win. She, Yujin, Yuri, Minju, and Chaewon jumped around in glee. Sakura, Yena, and Chaeyeon glared at Hyewon for suggesting it in the first place.

The youngest team started to crowd the unnie team towards the water, with Yujin targeting Sakura and Yuri targeting her girlfriend. Sakura’s playful side kicked in when she noticed nobody dared challenge the ace player, Chaeyeon. She grinned mischievously and slipped her hand into Chaeyeon’s, pulling her along.

“SAKU-CHAN! SAMUII~ AHHH!!”

The rest of the girls broke in a laughter and woo-ed Sakura for getting such courage. Hyewon also laughed, but her eyes somehow found their way to a distant figure on top of the wooden path that rooted from their penthouse porch. She recognized Eunbi right away and ran over without hesitation.

“HEY, HYEWON YOU DIDN’T GET PUNISHED YET!” Yena whined to the mastermind of her suffering at the very moment. The girls followed her gaze and waved as soon as they noticed who was heading their way. 

Sakura follows the running figure and realizes that Eunbi has made it outside. The other members also move away from the shore and back into the dry haven of sand. Her heart throbs as she remembers the last words Hyewon told her. Fear rises in her heart again. Chaeyeon tugs on her sleeve, “Hey, everything good?”

“Mm. Let’s go to them?”

“Wait.” Chaeyeon suddenly faces the sea and clasps her hands together, closing her eyes.

“Wha -” 

“Let’s pray to the sea gods.” She blurts out.

“Pray about what?”

Chaeyeon doesn’t open her eyes, but she’s silent for a second or two, “Pray about anything. They could be listening. Just do it, you never know.”

“O…kay.”

Sakura mirrors her movements finally and they stay “praying” for a couple of minutes. But before she does, she stares at the younger girl and is amused by the many new things she’s learning about her. She would’ve never thought that the girl likes to pray to beings she can’t see. Sakura never considered herself to be religious. It’s ironic because during the times she struggled with loving herself, she turned to God and prayed. She prayed for the pain to go away and when her prayers weren’t being answered, she stopped praying. She realized later on that those prayers were ingenuine and simply attempts to lend the power of her fate to a being she didn’t feel at all connected to. Of course, religion is different for many people but for Sakura, the girl didn’t think she was at the point in life where she could believe in a god.

She couldn’t even believe in herself.

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