Jongkook woke up even before his alarm went off. He hasn't had a morning like this in a long time. He woke up feeling victorious and gloriously happy. He looked at his bedside table and his eyes were automatically drawn towards the daesang trophy he won last night. He remembered standing in front of everyone holding the trophy. But everything else is a blur, he doesn't even remember half of what he said during his speech. They had drinks that night. Just the members and a few others because of health protocols against the corona virus. He didn't realize how much he wanted to win until he actually won. He always said that awards don't matter, just do your best at what you do. But he finally won the grand prize last night.

His phone was still buzzing with incoming congratulatory texts from everyone. Even the members chatroom was buzzing so early in the morning. He delayed checking his phone until he finished working out and breakfast. When he finally sat down and open his phone. There was an overwhelming amount of texts from everyone. Even when they already congratulated him last night. Most texts did not neglect to remind him that he should get married now that he finally has a daesang.

He smiled to himself and knew that the time was right. He had run out of reasons to delay the marriage. Not that he wanted to delay it, but things had been so hectic this year and even last year that he couldn't find the right time to do it.

He opened the small drawer on his bedside table. The ring was kept there ever since he brought it from the US more than two years ago. He had it made secretly from a known jeweller.

But the person he was planning to give it to had not made an appearance on his phone. He wanted to come home with her last night but he got too distracted and drunk, he never got around to asking her.

She must've been drunk too and most probably still sleeping. He planned on calling his manager to help him arrange a date but his doorbell started ringing. His friends came to continue his daesang celebration, all day he entertained his friends who kept coming in and made a mecca out of his home.

When the last guest has left, he felt relieved and lonely at the same time. The person that has been running on his mind all day still had not made an appearance, no calls or text either. He didn't want to text her in the midst of his boisterous friends. But now that everyone has gone, he called her. Out of reach. Is she still working at this hour? He realized that he doesn't really know what her schedule was like this week. Things have changed since the last time they broke up. They've been on and off for the past six years, it's like a broken record now. 

As the night wore on and sleep has become inevitable, Jongkook's anxiety grew. She has not called at all. Maybe, she was just giving him space, she knew it'd be crazy after last night, and indeed it had been one hell of a day with everyone else coming and going in his house. But the person he really wanted to see and spend the day with was MIA. It's all good, he told himself, she was with him during the celebratory dinner.

The next day was almost the same as yesterday. This time he spent the day with his best friend who came from the US and was fresh out of quarantine. He wanted to talk about his marriage plans. But it felt weird discussing it, even with his best friends, when he hasn't even heard from his future bride. He finally got to talk to her but she was in a meeting for a makeup brand she's representing.

He spent Christmas with his family. He should've brought her to meet the family but he wanted to secure a wedding date first before he brings her to meet the family, and he can't do that because they never really had the chance to talk. Will she even say yes to him? The daesang euphoria was beginning to abate as a nagging feeling started to creep up on him.

These past few weeks, months even, they never really talked about their relationship. He can't even remember the last time they went out on a date alone. What did they fought about last time? He can't even remember.

Jong kook was resolved to meet Jihyo as soon as possible.

At the old cafe that they always went to, Jongkook waited patiently for Jihyo. She's late again. He remembered getting annoyed with her whenever she was late but this time he was more worried that something seemed wrong with their relationship.

"Oppa," Jihyo waved from the door. She walk towards him, smiling. Jongkook started to relax. There's nothing wrong with them.

"Jihyo-yah," Jongkook began. Jihyo sat down and grabbed the untouched coffee on the table. "Let's go somewhere special tonight."

"Huh?" Jihyo looked confused.

"You know the restaurant we always went to when we started dating. I met with the Chef and he said to let him know if we'd like to dine there, he's going to cook us something special," Jongkook said.

"We haven't been there for years....: Jihyo's voice trailed.

"I know. You used to really like that place," Jongkook remembered.

"The food was great," Jihyo added but confusion is still etched in her pretty face. "Are we celebrating? Haha oppa never mentioned anything. Is Jaesuk Oppa coming?"

"No, Jihyo-yah. It'll be just us," Jongkook felt his heart dropped when he too realized that they haven't gone out on a date for too long. "Just the two of us," he clarified.

"Oh, I see." Jihyo's nervous chuckle made Jongkook nervous too. He has no idea what she as thinking anymore.

"I have somewhere to be this afternoon. But I'll pick you up--"

"Oppa,"Jihyo interrupted before Jongkook could say anything else. "I'm seeing someone else."

"What?" Jongkook could hardly utter the word. He was speechless.

"It's only been two months. So I haven't told anyone yet," Jihyo said quietly.

"H-how...? I thought... What about us?" Jongkook's thoughts were a wreck. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Oppa," Jihyo frowned. "We broke up. We decided to make it work as friends... We broke up."

"We didn't..." Jongkook's voice trailed off, unsure. He and Jihyo have been on an on and off relationship. They'd break up but because of the nature of their work and their respect for each other they always end up back together. For seven years, there has been noone else. Jongkook has always assumed that she'll always be there for him. Even when they break up, they have always been loyal to each other.

"The last time we fought in July. I was serious when I said we should consider seeing other people," Jihyo said gently.

"Were you seeing someone else even then? Who is it?" Jongkoook asked incredulously.

"God, no! Are you listening to me? I don't think you even remember what we fought about back then, do you?" Jihyo cried. Jongkook fell silent trying to remember what happened that night. He was sure it was after their team dinner. Jihyo wanted to go home early, but a group of Jongkook's friends arrived so he couldn't drive Jihyo home. As she was getting into one of the male guests, Kim Dongjun, Jongkook threw a fit. 

"We've been dating on and off for the longest time," Jihyo began. "I already told you this; that all these years I always felt like I had to please you. Everything I do or say, or even the clothes I wear, the people I hang out with had to have your stamp of approval. At first I thought that's how it should be. But I'm starting to lose myself trying to be the person you like. You're a great guy oppa, and I'll always love you. But I miss the old me."

"You don't have to please me. you can wear whatever clothes you want, you can curse, you can tell everyone we're dating or hangout with anyone you like--"

"You say that everytime but you don't really mean it," Jihyo sighed. "We've had this conversation several times before but you never really listen to me oppa."

"I'm listening now," Jongkook was visibly trying to calm down. "We can't break up, Jihyo-yah. You're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's you, it has always been you."

"Do you know that this is the first time you called to see me alone in months? Do you realise that we never really talked about me or us in months--"

"I've been busy, we both were," Jongkook has been filming so many shows for the past months, he barely had time to go to the gym.

"No, oppa, I was never on top of your priority list. It has always made me feel insecure and I lost my confidence. But I realize now that this is my fault. I always wanted to please you when I should have just stayed true to myself. I must've looked really pathetic," Jihyo laughed bitterly. 

"Jihyo-yah, I didn't realize you were feeling that way," Jongkook apologized.

"These past few months has been liberating. I felt like my old self again, oppa. I'm happy now," Jihyo smiled brightly. But Jongkook remained silent. She does look genuinely happy, Jongkook thought. It's true that he hasn't been very attentive with Jihyo lately. Back in June, he was told that he might get the Daesang because all his shows on SBS were top-rated. He focused so much on his work and getting that Daesang that he didn't realize the love of his life is slowly slipping away.

"I have somewhere to be oppa. I have to go. I'll call you, okay?" Jihyo stood up and gathered her things.

"Jihyo-yah, I'm sorry," Jongkook finally said.

"Aniya, oppa. I know you love me, maybe you're just not "in love" with me,"Jihyo smiled sadly.

Jongkook stared at the cafe entrance long after Jihyo left. The engagement ring he bought lay unopened next to him.