Warning: Angst. I'm not lying.

2:37AM, August 13

Hyejin-ah,

Yongsun said we should prepare for the worst. I don't want to acknowledge what the worst is, so I write this in case I can’t personally face you, people will have something to say at the end of our time.

I prefer this letter not to come in handy, but if it does, then whoever reads this, please tell the world I love you so much.

Yongsun gave me your ring before the surgery. I hate seeing it not on you.

I never like waiting.

Yours,

--

3:57PM, August 14

Hyejin-ah,

Yongsun said now this is a waiting game, you were a hero, a fighter, you'll get over this, we gonna keep praying for you.

We never like waiting. You chose munching on raw ramen once just because you couldn't wait for the mechanic to come and fix our microwave.

I hope you choose me, choose us over... I don't know... a much worse option? A ramen-munching option?

And of course you have to be the hero in this story. Jumped in front of bullets, saved kids left and right. Jesus, Hyejin.

Yet I couldn't get angry at you.

Meanwhile, Dahee unnie gives me an obligatory resting period from doing surgery, your surgery, due to "possible trauma" that I need to take time to recover from. Can you believe it?

Wake up soon, love. I prefer soon. Maybe we can actually look up gardens for our future wedding and you can laugh in Dahee's face for belittling your favourite doctor on Earth, when you wake up.

I have no strong belief in religions. I pray a lot for you these days.

You make me an exceptional woman. Wake up and make me exceptionally happy.

Please.

Yours,
Byulyi

--

4:00AM, August 15

Hyejin-ah,

For the first time in my life, the whirring of hospital doesn't feel as calming as before. I want to shut it up, shut it all up, so there's just you and me in this space.

People came to visit and it was horrible. They didn't have to look at me pitifully like that.

But maybe my puffed eyes have that effect. You said that, when I waited for you in the rain. Remember?

And Wheein cried even before I met her. Almost the only visitor I feel good to have, besides our parents. She booked a flight straight home, abandoned the Japan exhibition, did she tell you that? I was worried but she refused to leave your bed to have some food or at least washed her face.

We ended up crying together. We teased you and all your bad habits in tears.

The world is mourning, Hyejin. I'll make sure to shush them before you wake up, you don't like to see us crying.

Oh. And Wheein said she bought your favourite beef.

I wear your ring on a necklace now.

Yours, and on behalf of Wheein, who is also yours,
Byulyi

--

8:00PM, August 17

Hyejin-ah,

Yong finally had her way with me and forced me to rest. I had a nightmare. I can’t rest so I’m here again, with this stupid note. Why does my hospital have a customized note? No one wants a note from a hospital.

Maybe you can use some methods they taught you in Police Academy to calm me down.

Just please, Hyejin, please…

Yours,
Byulyi

--

9:20pm, August 22

Hyejin-ah,

You’re killing me with your absence. I hold your hand and sometimes sneak onto your bed when the nurse isn’t looking, but I know I’m losing you.

A faint grip is okay, it doesn’t have to be tight. A whisper is all I need, you don’t even have to make it loud.

My heart doesn’t know how to function normally anymore.

Miss you,
Byulyi

--

3:16AM, September 10

Hyejin-ah,

It has been awhile. I don’t think about you when operating surgeries, my colleagues start to think I’m a psychopath for my composure. Geez, dramatic bastards. I work on nursing tasks these days too. More often than not Wheein is here with you so the void is not as empty, but she eventually has to come back to her poor, anxious manager before she can make more time for us. For you.

I acted like I’m fine in front of the therapist, how long do you think I can hide the fact that I haven’t been home for a month? The house doesn’t feel the same without you. I feel cold in our room.

Autumn has come. The perfect weather for us, a mix of seasons we love. Do you remember, when we first met, I took a yellow leaf stuck in your uniform, shown it to you after I checked your broken nose? And you shamelessly flirted with me, high on anesthesia, said that I can keep it as a promise that you’ll marry me in autumn?

A yellow leaf got on my hair today. Is it you?

Coward, wake up and ask for my hand for real. You know I would say “yes”, I love you way too much.

Your