Trust, once lost, is difficult to earn back. 

That much Bora is learning because no matter how much she tries, no matter what she does to show her wife that she is still committed to the life that they chose, it’s as if Minji’s walls are fortified to keep her out, like she subconsciously refuses to give Bora anymore chances to hurt her even deeper.

Minji laughs easy around their friends, looks at them with an infinite affinity. Yet, Minji’s eyes don’t shine the way that they used to when they’re alone. They look at her, and in her warm brown eyes, a dragging sadness drowns out the love that shouts amidst the flooding of disappointment and despondency. 

Minji doesn’t wait in bed for her anymore. She’ll tuck herself in, respond to her emails, and turn the light off while Bora brushes her teeth in their bathroom, Minji’s back turned away from her and towards the window while she tries to fall asleep with the jagged edges of a broken heart keeping her awake. It’s a cold reminder for Bora that her warmth is not what Minji wants holding her to sleep—that her warmth cannot give her wife the comfort she desperately needs.

Bora misses how Minji would linger by the bathroom, leaning on the doorframe while she tells Bora about her day: what she ate, whatever ridiculous scheme Yoohyeon and Siyeon got up to at work, how good she felt with the sun grazing her skin when it shined or how contemplative she was while looking at the racing raindrops on her window when it poured. She misses how Minji would sit on their sink countertop and talk about everything under the sun while she showers (or how she would even join her for the sake of missing her too much that a shower away from her was too unbearable, how she’d massage the conditioner into her hair and leave gentle kisses across her shoulders after it rinses away, rub out the knots along her back when Bora whines about dance practice, how she’d be able to melt into the comfort of Minji’s arms holding her and the soothing heat of water on her skin). 

More than anything, she misses falling asleep knowing that Minji loves her, knowing that Minji, too, feels the affection Bora has for her. Because Bor