POV: Soojin and Shuhua figure out they like each other, but Shuhua thinks it's better if they only stay friends. Soojin wants to let Shuhua know the depth of her feelings before she locks them away forever. Inspired by this song and a girl.

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Dear Shuhua,

You already know most of the stuff I’m about to tell you, which is a testament to our good communication. But, I remember you saying you wished our “honest conversation” last week was recorded so you can play it back. Therefore, I think this letter will still fulfill a purpose, a collection of my thoughts in this point in time, perhaps the most pivotal point in my life thus far.

How do you tell someone how much they mean to you without scaring them away? That’s a question I always had on my mind whenever I liked one of my friends in the past—I started telling my friends about my feelings because I figured what’s the worst that can happen? I’ll just get rejected but I’ll live, right? At least I was courageous. At least I didn’t have to go to bed wondering, what could have been.

Liking people in the past felt both good and bad. Good because it’s a nice feeling, liking someone. Bad because I would feel jealous or possessive whenever they started telling me about people they liked. It got depressing after a while. I know everyone experiences heartbreak, but I resigned myself to rejection for the rest of my life.

That’s probably why I went so hard after Hui. Hui was someone who looked utterly perfect on paper—great singer and writer, fit, handsome, a well-respected idol. He also didn’t like me at first which created the perfect maelstrom of attraction for me. How do you make someone covet something? Make it unattainable. That’s what Hui was and even though I saw all the red flags, I ignored them. When I think back to the year and a half of hate, anger, and sadness, I remind myself that I will never have so little respect for my own well-being again.

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Jjin-ah, why you always gotta bring up these other boys???? Can’t you talk about me already????” Well, I do this so you can see the stark contrast between you and these men.

Shuhua, for the longest time, you were always Yuqi’s little foster sister to me. We had a sort of sibling relationship, but I want you to know that now, to me, you’re Shuhua.

You’re Shuhua, someone who wakes me up every morning by jumping into my bed and cuddling me. You’re Shuhua who started cooking and only make my favorite stir fried pork for me. You’re Shuhua who will yell at the anti-fans and tell them to off whenever they say something about me. You are willing to take a call from a friend at any time, even though you’re super busy. You would spend more than ten times your salary on a present for someone else. You take the time to recognize the behind-the-scenes staff for their hard work in making us magical onstage. I can go on and on about your good qualities, but the bottom line is this: you are a wonderful person who always strives to do better, and I can’t tell you how much I admire that. More importantly, you value your friends above yourself, and all of us are in a healthier place because of your love.

Shuhua, when I see you, it’s like the spring sun comes out from behind the winter clouds. I feel warm and this deep sense of contentment settles over me. When I turn on the phone camera while we