TRACK I. Love Song

  I really hate the rain, but today I came to like it a bit  

  No, don’t stop just yet  

  The rain can soak my left shoulder a little bit more  

  The love song inside the rain

Joohyun hates the rain. She hates the discomfort that it brings every time it comes pouring down. She hates how the streets get slippery causing her to move slower, how the sheets of rain obscure her vision, how her clothes get wet and heavy, leaving her with a chill for the rest of the night, and honestly, nothing is worse than when her socks get drenched and she’s forced to walk home with the weird squelching feeling on her toes. 

So yeah, she really hates the rain. 

But, what she hates, even more, is when it comes out of nowhere, catching her off guard on a late summer night and leaving her stranded by the convenience store a couple of blocks from her apartment. It was clear no one expected it too, because, by the time she gets to the cashier, all of their umbrellas are sold out. 

Joohyun huffs and glares at the rain from her position under the store’s awning as if willing it to stop. What was supposed to be a quick run to get ramyun and coke has now extended to a half-hour trip, with more than half of the time spent watching the rain fall. 

A sudden breeze catches Joohyun further off-guard, as she rubs her arms and represses the whine that she knows is slowly bubbling up. She’s tired. Exhausted, even. She was hungry, (hence the trip for ramyun) but at this point, all she cares about is being warm under her favorite blanket. 

She moves closer to the edge of the awning, stretching her hand towards the rain.

Okay, so it’s definitely not as strong as a while ago.

She takes a peek at the road that leads to her apartment, checking how many roofs she’ll be able to hide under and calculating how drenched she’d end up if she just decided to walk really fast. 

“I hope you’re not gonna do what I think you’re going to do.” Joohyun jumps at the voice and she’s met with a girl in all black sweats, a black cap on her head, a plastic bag full of… are those all just Pringles? and a bright yellow compact umbrella hanging from her wrist. “Don’t walk in the rain, you’re going to get sick.”

Joohyun gives a wry smile, “Technically, I was going to run. And I really really really just want to go home.” 

“I can see that.” the girl smiles, and Joohyun thinks it’s cute, but Joohyun is tired and she doesn’t trust her tired thoughts. “Come on, I’ll walk you.”

“I- I don’t even know you.” 

“I’m Seulgi,” she answers, stepping up beside Joohyun to offer her hand. 

“Joohyun.” 

“See. There. No longer strangers.” 

Joohyun squints her eyes in an effort to be intimidating but all Seulgi does is laugh. (Joohyun’s tired brain thinks it sounds really nice.) “Listen, I’m headed that way too. So, you can either share my umbrella with me and get home, wait this rain out and die of boredom, or make a run for it and potentially get sick afterwards.” 

Before Joohyun can even answer, however, Seulgi has already expanded the umbrella and lifts it over the both of them. 

“We’re not going to fit,” Joohyun says, eyeing how the umbrella was quite literally meant for one person.

“We’ll need to squeeze but it’ll work. Plus, you’re so tiny I’m sure you can fit in my pocket.” 

Joohyun huffs, “Never mind, I’ve decided to risk it and walk.”

“Height’s a touchy subject then?” 

Joohyun huffs again in response.  

“Now, come on, please? I don’t want you to be stranded here and I don’t want you getting sick either.” Seulgi says, a cute (Joohyun is sure it’s the exhaustion talking) pout on her face. 

Joohyun steps under the umbrella and finds that, of course, she’s right, they barely fit under the umbrella and if they walk shoulder to shoulder, they’d both end up wet, leaving the umbrella pretty useless. So, Joohyun does the only logical thing and loops her arm around Seulgi’s, pulling the taller girl closer. 

Seulgi freezes at the contact and Joohyun is quick to explain, “I’m just doing this so we won’t get that wet! I told you we won’t fit! But I can stop if-“ 

“N-no, it’s okay! I’m just not used to it, that’s all.” 

Joohyun nods, “Here, give me your snacks. I’ll hold them both.” 

“You don’t have to-“ 

“Your Pringles will get wet if I don’t!” Jooyhun tries to repress a smile at how quickly Seulgi hands it over after that. 

“Shall we?” Seulgi asks and together, they step out into the rain. 

They don’t say anything at first, the sound of the rain strong against their little umbrella. But Joohyun finds that she doesn’t really mind. It’s comfortable, even if Seulgi is a complete stranger. It also helps that Seulgi is warm and smells a bit like citrus so being close to her isn’t so bad. 

“So, why are you out so late? It’s almost midnight.”

“I just came home from work, realized I had no leftovers and I didn’t have any energy to make myself dinner. You?” 

“Same.” Seulgi replies. 

Joohyun looks up at the girl beside her and scrunches her nose in disapproval, “Pringles isn’t dinner.” 

“But they’re my favorite.” 

“Still not dinner.” 

“Like ramyun is any better.” 

“It obviously is better!” Joohyun says, slapping Seulgi’s arm.

“Ow! What was that for?” 

“You’re being stubborn.” 

“And you’re surprisingly strong for someone so small.” 

Joohyun stops walking and glares. “You’re lucky you’re holding the umbrella and I can’t push you out in the rain.” 

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” Seulgi grumbles under her breath.

“Hm? What did you say?”

“I said, you’re lucky I haven’t pushed you out in the rain too.” 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“How sure are you?” 

“I can already tell you’re too nice.” Joohyun replies simply and the way Seulgi avoids her eyes after that simply proves it further.

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, keep walking.” 

“Wait!” Joohyun reaches up and pats Seulgi’s other shoulder. “Yah! Your shoulders are too broad! You didn’t tell me you were still getting wet!” 

“It’s okay! Don’t worry about me!” 

Joohyun tugs Seulgi closer and ignores the taller girl’s protests. “Is that better?” 

“Uh… yes.”

“Okay, good. Don’t worry, my apartment is up the next block, right by the stoplight.” 

Seulgi nods and starts humming something under her breath the rest of the way, a quiet tune that leaves Joohyun curious. She tries to steal glances at the girl she just met and muses why she isn’t feeling nervous at all. She wonders if it’s really just her tired and desperate brain so ready to go home and therefore clinging to any semblance of safety and comfort. Or maybe (and more likely) it’s just how Seulgi really is, her aura radiating nothing but warmth on this cold rainy night. 

“Is this it?” Seulgi asks. 

“Oh. Yeah. Here we are.” Joohyun says, stepping out from under the umbrella and under the shade of her apartment building. 

Joohyun watches as Seulgi shifts under her umbrella as if she too is trying to delay her departure. Try as she might, Joohyun can’t shake the feeling that this cannot be it. This cannot be how they say goodbye and she’ll never see Seulgi again. 

“Do you want to come up for a bit? I can lend you a shirt and we can have dinner? Or I can make you some hot cocoa if you want. As a thank you! For walking me home.” 

Seulgi’s smile is so big and bright and it’s such a contrast against the dreary backdrop of the rain that Joohyun wishes she could capture that moment and save it in her brain forever. “I’d love that.”

  Track II. Day Dream

  Loving you feels like I’m dreaming  

  It’s just like a dream  

  I don’t want to wake up

As soon as Seulgi steps into her apartment, whatever tiredness Joohyun was feeling simply washes away. She quickly lends Seulgi a shirt to wear and directs her to the bathroom allowing her to fix up their dinner. It was simple, of course, just ramyun and some kimchi (thank god her mom always brought a ton when she came to visit). 

Seulgi appears from the hallway just as soon as Joohyun finishes setting the table. (Joohyun tries not to dwell on how Seulgi looks right at home.) 

“You really didn’t have to.” 

“I’m not letting you have Pringles for dinner.”

“I still don’t think this is very healthy.”

“The kimchi will make up for it,” Joohyun smiles and pats the seat next to her. “Now, let’s eat before the ramyun gets cold.” 

It seems strange how comfortable Joohyun is with Seulgi. They literally met less than an hour ago but Seulgi has Joohyun smiling from ear to ear. There’s something about her that Joohyun can’t figure out, something that makes Joohyun forget about every little worry she has. 

They talk for a lot longer than expected, about their work, where they’re from and everything in between. Joohyun jumps up from her chair when she finally remembers to check the time and apologizes profusely when she realizes it’s already 2 in the morning. But Seulgi just laughs, telling Joohyun not to worry and as they stand by the apartment lobby, (the older girl insisting to call Seulgi a cab because a couple of blocks can be dangerous at this time of the night) Joohyun continues to apologize. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you for so long!” 

Seulgi just shakes her head and smiles, “Stop, I promise it’s alright. I had a great time.” 

A comfortable silence falls between them once again, the pair looking out into the empty and damp Seoul street. 

“Can I have your number?” Seulgi quickly follows it up with a “So I can return your shirt!”, but the redness on her ears is hard to deny. Joohyun smiles and inputs her number, and Seulgi looks like a kid that got exactly what she wanted for her birthday. 

When the taxi arrives soon after, they stand awkwardly, unsure of how to say goodbye to someone you just met but feel like you’ve known forever. So, Joohyun simply allows her now extremely tired brain to lead the way. She wraps Seulgi in a hug and when they pull away simply says, “Thanks for walking me home.” 

Seulgi nods in response, and then jumps as the taxi driver blows the car horn to signal his impatience. “Okay, I’ve got to go! See you!” 

Joohyun waves as the taxi speeds away and is surprised to find a flood of messages waiting as soon as she returns to the apartment: 

  Thanks for letting me walk you home. 

  Oh, this is Seulgi, by the way. 

  Not like it could be anyone else cause I was the only one who walked you home.

  Omo, unless a ghost was with us??

  How creepy would that be if there was actually a ghost walking beside us and is texting you now?? 

  Okay, sorry, my friends say I get weird when I’m sleepy. 

  Guess they’re right, huh? 

  Okay, I’m going to stop now

  Good night, unnie! I had a great time tonight!

The rest of it happens so quickly that Joohyun knows that some part of her should feel afraid. But she’s not. Not at all. In fact, Joohyun has never felt more calm.

When Seulgi texts that weekend to meet up so she can return Joohyun’s shirt, Joohyun doesn’t expect anything. But Seulgi greets her with a hug and mischievous look in her eyes, “I’ve decided to hold your shirt hostage.” 

“It’s okay, it was an old one anyway.” The pout on Seulgi’s face is enough for Joohyun to give in and play along. “I mean, oh no, what do I do now?” 

“As ransom, how about coffee?”

“I don’t drink coffee.” 

“Uh… tea?” 

“Eh. I had tea this morning.” Joohyun smirks. 

A pout forms on Seulgi’s face once again but is quickly replaced by her signature stunning smile. “Then what about dinner?” 

“Isn’t it a bit too early?” 

“Joohyun unnieeeee,” Seulgi whines. 

Joohyun laughs and wraps her arm around Seulgi’s just like the night they met. “I’m teasing. It’s still pretty early but that means we have more time to walk around together.” 

It starts with a small dinner out, then leads to late night dinners in Joohyun’s apartment (because they’re both still so busy). It starts with random texts throughout the day and leads to hours of phone calls until someone (usually Seulgi) falls asleep on the other line. 

Joohyun thinks Seulgi is kind and sweet, and no, her brain wasn’t just tired the night they met - Seulgi is a very beautiful girl, with a smile that would put the sun to shame, with cheeks she wants to squish and a nose she likes to poke. (And a she likes to touch but that’s something Joohyun doesn’t say out loud.) Seulgi makes her laugh, and Seulgi is a great listener too, listening to Joohyun’s various frustrations. 

“I miss my family, yes, but I’m only a junior in our company. I can’t just take a vacation whenever I feel like it, you know?”  

“But you should still take care of yourself.”  

“I will, and I do. I spend time with you, don’t I? That’s a great stress relief.” Joohyun winks and tries not to laugh at the redness that quickly makes its way up Seulgi’s face.  

Seulgi coughs awkwardly, “Is this really what you want to do?”  

“Is this career counseling?”   

“I’m just curious.” 

“To work for a production company, no. I want to put my own up, soon. I just need to find the right clients willing to take on a newbie videographer. That’s why I still take so many projects on the side… It’s tiring and all but maybe one of them will be the right one and will give me just the boost I need to leave my ty company and start things on my own.”   

“See! Look at how busy you are! You never have enough time to rest.”  

“Look who’s talking,” Joohyun snorts, “You’re pretty busy too.”  

Seulgi sighs, “I guess this is the price we pay for following our dreams.”  

It’s strange, Joohyun thinks, how talking to Seulgi and being around her feels like the most natural thing in the world. A part of it doesn’t feel real. Seulgi shouldn’t be real. She’s too kind, too talented, too perfect for someone like Joohyun. So when a couple of weeks later, she feels soft lips against her own, Joohyun has to pinch herself to make sure she’s not dreaming.

“When will this end,” Jennie groans, as she slams her head onto the desk. It’s another late night in the editing room and while the head producer and director have decided to call it a day, the duo continues to work, making sure the offline version is ready for its review by 8AM.

“If things go smoothly, hopefully in another hour or so,” Joohyun answers, her eyes glued to the monitor as she stitches the video clips together. “And stop complaining or you’ll jinx it.”

“Okay, okay,” Jennie says, now spinning in her chair. They work in relative silence after that, Jennie giving suggestions and reminding Joohyun of their client’s comments. “Joohyun, your phone’s ringing.”

“It’s fine, ignore it, it can wait.” 

“It’s ringing again.” 

“I’m almost done.” 

“But-” Jennie is cut-off by the office buzzer. “Did you order food?” 

“My eyes have literally not moved from the computer, Jen.” 

“So who is it?” 

“I dunno. Go check.” 

  BUZZ!!

“What if it’s a serial killer??” 

“Well, it seems like it’s a very polite serial killer and at least we’ll have an excuse if we don’t finish in time. But really, it might just be the building security guard checking if we’re still here.” 

“Joohyun, come with me to check please!” 

  BUZZ!!

“Jennie, I will throw my mouse at you.” 

“Ugh, you’re so cranky.” Jennie sighs dramatically.

Joohyun can make out the sound of Jennie talking to someone but quickly zones it out to focus on her work.

“Joohyun, Joohyun, Joohyuuuun~” Jennie singsongs as she returns. 

Joohyun groans, “Sad. I guess it wasn’t a serial killer.” 

“Uhm. I’m sorry I’m not a serial killer?” another voice says and Joohyun finally whips around to see Seulgi, in a hoodie and sweatpants, looking all kinds of adorable. 

“SEULGI!” Joohyun jumps up from her chair and tackles her now girlfriend into a hug. “What are you doing here??” 

“Well, you weren’t replying or answering my calls, and I remember you saying you had a big meeting tomorrow, so I figured you were still working. And I was done for the day so I got you some coffee and snacks.” Seulgi says, kissing the top of Joohyun’s head. 

“Thank you, you’re the best.” 

“Thank god you’re here. That’s literally the first time she’s smiled all night.” 

“I see you’ve already met Jennie. Hey, those were for me!” Joohyun swats Jennie’s hand as she reaches for a cookie. 

“HEY! And no it wasn’t! Seulgi got coffee and snacks for me too, right Seulgi? Nice to officially meet you, by the way. Other than work, you’re all Joohyun talks about.” 

Joohyun can feel her cheeks heat up as Seulgi hugs her from behind, resting her chin on Joohyun’s shoulder. “Oh, really?” 

“It’s always, Seulgi did this, Seulgi did that, Jennie, she’s so pretty, she’s so cute! Barf.” 

“Jennie, shut up.” 

“No, please continue, Jennie, tell me mo-OOF” Seulgi groans, as Joohyun’s elbow connects to her stomach.

It doesn’t stop their teasing. 

Jennie is absolutely amused at the fact that Joohyun has someone, and though Joohyun has mentioned Seulgi many many times before, it’s different for Jennie to actually meet her. Jennie also enjoys pointing out every time Joohyun blushes or smiles bigger than usual. Seulgi, from what Joohyun can tell, is just as excited to meet Jennie. She asks about their childhood together and laughs so hard she starts crying when Jennie tells Seulgi about the time Joohyun slipped on a banana peel outside their company building.

Seulgi stays the entire time, her back facing the computer monitors since Joohyun insists it’s confidential and she can’t see what they’re working on. (Jennie just rolls her eyes and says, “I guarantee you Seulgi does not care about some medicine commercial. And what will she do? Run to the nearest competitor and go, GUESS WHAT, THEIR CAPSULE IS BLUE NOW!”) Sometime during their overtime, Jennie leaves the room and Seulgi leans back on the extra chair with her eyes closed. 

“You can go home, you know. Get some rest. We’ll be fine. You have a long day ahead tomorrow too.”

“It’s okay, I wanted to see you.”

“Thank you again for dropping by. And for the coffee.” Joohyun says as she gives Seulgi a quick peck.

Seulgi’s eyes fly open at the contact and the blush that quickly creeps up to the tip of her ears is too adorable that Joohyun can’t help but kiss her again and again and again.

“I love you, you know?” 

Seulgi smiles, and this time, she’s the one that leans in to give Joohyun a soft kiss. “I know. I love you too.”

  Track III. Dreams Come True

  Listen closely to the voice you hear inside you  

  All your dreams come true

Joohyun is pulled from her daydream and it hurts, it hurts so much but Joohyun finds that she doesn’t mind. If her daydream has to end so that Seulgi’s dreams can come true, then so be it.

The fateful night they meet, Seulgi confesses three things to Irene. 

One. She actually lives in the other direction. Two blocks away from the convenience store. A total of 6 blocks away from Joohyun’s apartment. But she saw how sad and well, desperate the older girl looked and couldn’t help but offer to walk her home. 

  “Admit it, you offered because you found me cute,” Joohyun says, poking Seulgi on the side.  

  “Yah, you’re so full of yourself,” Seulgi replies looking at anything other than Joohyun.

Two. Her lifelong dream is to be a singer. For as long as she could remember, all Seulgi wanted was to be on stage performing.

  “I want to hear you sing.”

  “Soon.”  

  “You promise?”

  “I promise.”

Three. She’s actually celebrating. She was going to get her favorite Pringles and wrap herself up in a blanket and watch her favorite movie. It was simple, but that’s all she really had planned to celebrate that night.

  “Really? Pringles?”  

  “It’s a tried and tested method to make me even happier!”  

  “You’re such a dork.”

  “But you know what?”  

  “What?”  

  “I think hanging out with you is my new method to make me happy.”  

  Joohyun says nothing and simply slaps Seulgi on the arm once. 

But the reason she was celebrating? 

Seulgi swears Joohyun to secrecy, interlocking pinkies and all. She admits she hasn’t told anyone yet, not even her family so Joohyun better stick around because she’s going to know one of Seulgi’s deepest secrets. Seulgi’s voice drops to a whisper, but her smile is still so bright and her eyes are visibly shining as she says, “I’m going to debut this year.” 

Joohyun’s eyes grow wide in amazement and from that moment on, Joohyun extends her pinky once more and promises to support her. To be there during their debut showcase. To support from the sidelines when needed. To listen to every song. To watch every MV. Sure, at this point in time, they’ve only just met but Joohyun can already tell that Seulgi is going to end up being someone special in her life. 

So when they fall in love in what feels like an instant, Joohyun’s promise remains the same, if not stronger. 

Between her crazy work hours and Seulgi’s preparations, Joohyun supports them as much as she can. They sneak out as often as possible, having dates in the middle of the night, walking along the quiet streets of Seoul. Joohyun introduces Seulgi to Mrs. Choi, her favorite ahjumma that sells the tteokbokki that reminds her of home. Joohyun makes Seulgi sing for Mrs. Choi, and the delighted woman happily gives them free extra servings for the entertainment. 

She gets to meet the rest of Seulgi’s members in a cafe close to the convenience store. She’s nervous, because these girls will be in Seulgi’s life for a long time and she knows it’s important to get them to like her. Seulgi squeezes her hand under the table as three girls enter and spots them at the far corner of the cafe. 

She meets Yerim first, a 15-year-old full of energy that bounds up to their table the moment their eyes meet and clings to Joohyun as soon as they’re introduced. Following right behind her is Sooyoung, an 18-year-old that’s already much taller than Joohyun, her voice quiet when they first meet but uses all her energy to tease Seulgi. Joohyun thinks it’s cute. Lastly, she meets Seungwan, who’s the same age as Seulgi and who hugs the older woman before proudly proclaiming that she is Joohyun’s biggest fan.

  “Huh? Why me?”  

  “Happy leader means happy members! And look at how happy our leader is!”  

  “Of course she’s happy, you’re going to debut!”  

  “Nah, unnie. After hours of rehearsals she’s still got that dopey look on her face, trust me, that’s all you.”

  “YAH! SEUNGWAN-AH! I DON’T LOOK DOPEY!”  

  “It’s okay, Seulgi. It’s cute.” Joohyun says, placing a kiss on Seulgi’s cheek and the resulting redness causing all her members to laugh.

Joohyun vows to support all of them and Yerim hugs her tighter. She brings fruits every time she sneaks into their dorm (to Seungwan’s utter delight) and everyone sighs in relief when they realize that Joohyun has managed to charm and befriend the guards at the lobby and has already managed to swear them to secrecy. She also somehow finds the time to iron Yerim’s school uniform when Seulgi sheepishly admits that no one in the dorm knows how to do it. She lets Sooyoung cry on her shoulder when the younger girl confesses how tired she is and how nervous she is to debut. She lets Seulgi stay over at her own apartment when the weight of being a leader starts to become too much, and kisses away all the worry lines that form on her girlfriend’s face. 

It takes more than a half a year for Red Velvet to finally debut, and as promised, Joohyun is there. She’s in the middle of the crowd, (Seulgi had told her exactly where to stay so that they can spot her easily) singing along to Ice Cream Cake (having memorized both the song and the key dance points the same night Seulgi let her listen to it), and there’s nothing but pride on her face as she watches Seulgi and her members shine on stage. 

She screams the loudest, and her eyes meet each of the girls. She can tell that Yerim is a second away from jumping down and hugging her but all she can do is wave in her general direction and send finger hearts their way. (But Joohyun knows that at least some of it is aimed at her.)

Red Velvet gets busier and busier. More variety shows. Radio shows. A new comeback already in the pipeline as soon as their debut promotion period is over. Joohyun stays the same. Supportive. Drowns herself in work when Seulgi is too busy. Listens to Red Velvet when all she wants is to hear Seulgi’s voice. Never forgets to leave a short voice message of “Good night!”, even when she’s sure Seulgi is already collapsed on her tiny single bed in her dorm. 

Joohyun is supportive, but she’s not blind, she does her best and she knows Seulgi is trying too. Seulgi calls her as often as she can, leaves voice messages when she only has a minute, and sends flowers and food over to her apartment, just to show that she misses her. And when Seulgi is sure it’s only Joohyun and Jennie in the office, she manages to drop by with coffee and cookies and stay, just like before.

But even then. 

Even with all their effort, with all the love shared between them, with all the love that overflows from them, Joohyun sees it coming from a mile away. 

She’s not mad. She can’t even find it in herself to be angry. Of course, there’s hurt. But that’s not Seulgi’s fault. It never is. This is Seulgi’s dream and seeing her live it makes her happy. Seeing the smile on Seulgi’s face when she watches the rookie idol on TV, hearing Seulgi talk about her fans and her members, and reading all the good things everyone says about them? It makes Joohyun incredibly happy too. 

So she doesn’t ask more of Seulgi, doesn’t even think of asking. Because she knows Seulgi is giving Joohyun every possible part of her. Seulgi gives her love in song lyrics - not yet produced but when they’re no longer rookies, they will, Seulgi promises. She shows her love in the outfits she wears to the airport, or to broadcast stations: a matching necklace, or a bag Joohyun bought for her, or a jacket that may or may not smell like Joohyun. She shows her love through her performances, a wink at the camera that causes fangirls to go crazy, but Joohyun knows it’s always meant for her. 

Seulgi gives Joohyun as much as she can and Joohyun knows that Seulgi would give her more if she could. But, Joohyun also knows that for a brief moment in time, Seulgi was hers. But now, amidst the adoring public both in Korea and around the world, she knows that Seulgi isn’t. At least not hers alone. 

The break is clean. It’s painful and utterly heart wrenching, but clean. It’s mutual. It’s what’s best, they decide. She blocks all their numbers as soon as Seulgi leaves her apartment, deactivates her Twitter (Sooyoung and Yerim had insisted that she follow their secret accounts), and locks herself in her room for days on end, forcing her body to not run to their dorm and beg them to take her back. (Because yeah, Joohyun felt she lost three other friends in the process too.)

Joohyun works and works and works. Because she doesn’t want to think, to process, to remember and honestly, Joohyun isn’t sure if she even wants to fully let go. And it sounds dumb, she knows, but she promised Seulgi, she promised Seungwan, Yerim and Sooyoung that she’d support them forever, and Joohyun would be damned if she ever even considered breaking that promise. 

Her thoughts are interrupted when her best friend and now business partner, Jennie, sends her a link, just like she’s done every day for the past two weeks. Just like she’s done for every Red Velvet comeback since their breakup. 

Jendukie: Have you seen it? 

Baechu: Not yet. Just got home.

Jendukie: [link attached] Here you go. They did great.

Baechu: Don’t they always? 

Joohyun’s cursor hovers over the play button and for a moment, she lets herself take in the video’s thumbnail. It’s Seulgi. Their leader. Her - no - their lovable bear. As usual, her face is fierce, nothing but confidence and power in that single gaze alone. But Joohyun knows that she’s just a giant teddy bear on the inside. Then again, Joohyun sighs, doesn’t everyone know that by now? 

And normally, this is easy. She’s kept her promise to support them, she’s watched their MVs, and looks for them during the year-end gayos, and she’s proud and smiling and cheering, sometimes with Jennie and her other friends by her side. But there’s something about tonight, maybe because it’s been so long and Joohyun can’t believe that Seulgi still has this affect on her, maybe it’s because she’s tired, maybe because it’s raining… but whatever it is, Joohyun can’t deal with it tonight.

“Seulgi-ya.” Joohyun whispers, her fingers tracing the image of Seulgi’s face, still frozen on the video’s thumbnail. “Do you still think of me? Do you still remember me? Does Yerim know how to iron her clothes now? Does Sooyoung still want to bring a dog into the dorm? Does Seungwan still drive you insane in that tiny room you both share? Do they hate me? Do you? I’m sorry. You know that right?”

She blinks away the tears that are threatening to fall and shuts her laptop, leaving their comeback MV untouched.

Joohyun stares up at the ceiling. 

“Are you at peace?” 

Joohyun closes her eyes. 

“Are you happy?” 

“Please,” Joohyun says to no one in particular and forces her eyes to remain shut. “I hope all your dreams are coming true.”