Kyungsoo was gone when you woke up. The DVD was now stuck on the repetitive main menu, the movie long over. Shutting it off, you picked up the still half full mugs of now lukewarm chocolate and shuffled over to your kitchen. You watched as the light brown liquid swirled down the drain.

Why were you so disappointed that he was gone? And why did he leave in the first place without saying anything?

You felt so… rejected. Even though there might have been a valid reason that had made him leave – and you did fall asleep on him – you still couldn’t shake the unwanted feeling.

Leaving the mugs in the sink, you slid down to the floor, resting your back against the old cabinets.

What were you even doing? This went against every rule you had in place for yourself. You gave him your name. You invited him over. You let yourself get too comfortable around him. You’d been to plenty of cities, met plenty of people. It had never been this hard to stay away from people. That boy in the last city was cute and sweet (perhaps too sweet) and yet being cold to him was no issue at all.

But then there was Kyungsoo.

What was it about him that you couldn’t get out of your head? Was it that smile? Was it the way he came out of nowhere to save you? Twice? Or was it just him in general?

No. You couldn’t do this again. You couldn’t risk it.

Standing up, you brushed of the invisible dirt from your jeans and walked back to the bathroom, stripping out of your clothes on the way. As the water from the shower head warmed up, you tried to avoid looking at it. It was still there, still as harsh and pink against the skin of your stomach, only your shirts able to hide it. Memories, unwanted and long ago shelved, were flashing in your mind. With the water still cold, you jumped in, hoping to drown out the images.

The shower ended up working, emptying your mind of the past and focusing on the mundane things, like what could you wear to work tomorrow, how early you should wake up, and other useless thoughts. Crawling into bed after drying off and slipping into your PJs, that trigger was enough to make you isolate yourself once again.

**

The local bookstore was filled to the brim with college students trying desperately to get their hands on the required texts now that their semester had started. You hated the amount of people that were squeezed into the limited space between the bookshelves, especially for a Sunday afternoon. But this was when you decided to come to the store and you were already inside once you discovered the sheer amount of last minute shoppers.

Shuffling around other twenty-somethings who were balancing way too many books in their hands, you made your way to the fiction section of the store. With just the one university, you would think that the bookstore wouldn’t sell textbooks at all, letting the student store make all the money. However, they did keep them in stock and also sold the books at a much cheaper price. Lovely.

Thankfully, the section you were headed for was more or less empty, just another patron here and there, giving you some peace as you searched the shelves.

Reading was a strange pass time for you. It wasn’t something you did all the time. Instead, it was a small indulgence whenever you needed a clear escape. Like having dessert before dinner.

On those rare days when you did dive into a book, that was all you did for hours. You would lie on your couch or in your bed, surrounded by snacks, and read until you either finished the book or fell asleep.

Right now, you needed that escape. To stop wrestling with yourself about whether you wanted to see Kyungsoo again or not. Every time you came to the conclusion that you were better off on your own, you were seeing his face in your mind again, that unique smile shining at you. Hopefully running into a world that wasn’t yours, where someone’s problems were more easily handled and solved, would be the temporary solution you were desperately needing.

As you skimmed your fingers along the shelves, you examined the spines of the novels, searching for a specific type of book. You wanted something to go along with the season; something wintery that would make you want to wrap up in a blanket with a warm fire crackling in front of you. Well, if you had a fireplace, that is.

Your index finger fell upon a familiar book that you hadn’t read since your middle school days.

“Call of the Wild”. You smirked to yourself, pulling the book from it’s space. No matter what edition it was, the cover was always the same: a gray wolf among snow covered pine trees.

It was the wrong book to grab.

You had no intention of reading the classic novel, but now the cover picture made you think of your own wolf. It’d been a few days since you’d last seen the overgrown black dog.

“(y/n)?”

Crap.

Quickly returning the book to it’s shelf, you turned to face Kyungsoo.

“Hi,” you greeted. Your voice was small and strained, not unnoticed by Kyungsoo.

He frowned, tilting his head at you. Whatever was going through his head, he didn’t voice it. Instead, he formed a smile. Soon, that would become your weakness.

“I’m sorry about just leaving the other day,” he said with a slight laugh. “My, uh, brother called. Family meeting. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“It’s fine,” you whispered, staring in a direction that was his.

“Is everything okay?” he asked in response to your less than welcoming demeanor.

You nodded. Perhaps a little to much. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

There was a pause. You wanted to run in two different directions. The first was out the front door. The second was right in his arms. Exactly where you didn’t belong. You needed to get out of here. Whenever you were around him, your mind went foggy and the logic you had spent precious time building up just went out the window.

“(y/n)?”

Your head snapped up.  “Yes?”

He suddenly became shy, a small smile playing at his lips. “Can I… cook you dinner, sometime?”

Your jaw dropped. He… cooked? And wanted to make you dinner? Like an actual date?

“I-” Say yes. Say no. Say yes. Say no. Say yes. Say no. “I… I can’t.”

Like a terrified kitten, you ran past Kyungsoo and out of the bookstore. You didn’t slow down, not for a second, just letting your feet take you wherever. Their apparent destination was the woods. Even when you were past the treeline, your feet kept moving, although now they’d slowed down to a walk.

After another twenty feet or so, your legs gave out and you collapsed to your knees. You crawled up to a tree and rested against it. Hot tears spilled over your cheeks as your teeth chattered.

Why did you have to be so damn messed up?

Kyungsoo was probably the most considerate person you’d ever met. All he ever did was be kind to you, gone out of his way to make sure you were okay, and yet you couldn’t even return the favor. You couldn’t even be a decent person back.

Completely defeated, you wrapped yourself up in a ball, determined not to move. You let out all of your frustrations through your tears. Kyungsoo deserved someone who could actually trust him and not constantly be running away from him. Certainly, he could find that person past you.

But you wanted it to be you. You actually wanted so say yes and give it a shot. But you were broken. You couldn’t understand why you were fighting against yourself. Why you suddenly were imagining what settling down could actually look like. This wasn’t how this time around was supposed to go.

A loud yelp made you jump.

Wiping away your tears, you found your wolf standing right in front of you. He just seemed to know when you needed him.

“Hi,” you greeted pathetically.

He took a few steps closer to you and then your face, erasing the stains from your cheeks.

“Stop,” you commanded halfheartedly.

Listening to you, he sat back, tilting his head. You dug your fingers into the fur on his neck, reveling in the comfort. Then you told him the bad news.

“I’m not staying here.”

He didn’t take kindly to that statement, barking multiple times at you.

You shook your head. “I’m no good. Kyungsoo, he….” you stopped. The wolf’s ears perked up. You hadn’t mentioned him to the wolf before. “He deserves someone better. Someone who will stay. Someone not so broken. I barely know him, but I know do know that much.”

The wolf let out a disagreeing bark followed by a low continuous growl. Angry, you jumped up to your feet.

“You don’t know anything!” you screamed. “You’re just a dumb wolf! You don’t understand what it’s like when everyone just leaves you! When no one wants you and tosses you to the side like garbage!”

Pulling back his ears, the wolf slowly stepped towards you, rubbing his head against your leg in way to comfort you.

“That’s not going to work,” you grumbled. Tomorrow, you would talk to your boss. You wouldn’t leave right away, but you would have to leave soon. As much as you didn’t want to, maybe Mina was serious about living with you.

Then, the wolf whirled around. He growled ferociously, raising the hair on your arms. Two other wolves appeared from behind the trees over twenty feet away, one a light gray and the other a strange mix of brown and tan. Your own wolf stepped in front of you protectively.

Slowly, the new wolves stalked towards the two of you. Your black wolf growled and snapped at them in warning, but they kept coming. With less than ten feet in between you now, the wolves split off, one coming on your left and the other on your right.

And then they pounced.