Two months. That’s how much time went by since the last time you spoke directly to Junmyeon. Your birthday was only a couple weeks away and you just wanted to get it over with. You were never really sure why Junmyeon wanted to wait to get married until a few days before that dreaded date, but now it seemed so clear. He never wanted to anyway, which wasn’t too surprising in the end. It was all Taegun, who’d admitted it the next time you called them. Hyunmin started yelling at the top of her lungs and you hung up the phone, unable to continue listening to the screaming and pathetic excuses.

A countdown was ticking away on the front screen of your phone. Married or not, after getting the files for Junmyeon, you had a plan. There was a small duffel bag packed away under your bed with only the essentials you would need to start out. You’d gathered them carefully over several shopping trips to cast away any possible suspicion along with the smallest amount of clothes you thought you could get away with. There would be plenty of opportunities to buy more along the way.

Once this endeavor was over, you were going to run. Leaving behind almost all traces of your existence. There would be no waiting to see if Junmyeon would let you leave. He was not in control of you; you were not a slave and he was not your master. You were going to get on a plane on your own accord, one that would take you far away from him and let you live your life as you had planned before any of this had happened. You doubted he would come after you anyway once he got what he wanted.

That night after Chanyeol had dragged you back to your room and Yixing concluded that nothing was wrong with you physically, you’d locked your door, refusing to come out. Junmyeon played nice at first, asking you with a sweet voice – the one you’d fallen for time and time again – to please let him in so he could talk to you about you’d heard and how Taegun was just looking out for you. When you still refused, he started yelling as if that would make you change your mind. He left after only twenty minutes or so, apparently deciding that you weren’t worth it after all.

The next morning, you stayed in your room, hiding under the covers like a child afraid of the monster in the closet. Except, you truly hoped that if you just stayed there, the comforter tucked over your head so tight sweat formed all over your face from the stuffy air, then reality might alter itself or disappear completely. If only that were a possibility.

It wasn’t until Chen knocked on your door, begging you to come eat something that you emerge from under your shield. He urged you out, saying that Kyungsoo had made all your favorites that one else could touch and that Kai and Chanyeol were there as well if you wanted to play a game or go out. None of this enticed you. Then Chen added the last card he had to play: Junmyeon wasn’t in the penthouse for you to run into.

Slowly getting out of bed, you wiped the beads of salty sweat from your forehead and shuffled to the door, only opening it a few centimeters.

“Do you swear he’s not here?” you whispered.

Chen held a hand up in a scout’s pose. “If he is, I’ll let you shoot me yourself.”

Nodding, you opened the door the rest of the way. Chen took in your disheveled appearance with a face he was straining to keep straight. You probably looked like a complete train wreck. Even with avoiding eye contact, you couldn’t hide the redness or puffiness that came with crying yourself to sleep. Wrinkled t-shirt and worn out shorts completed the pathetic look that wouldn’t be on a runway anytime soon.

As much as he was visibly fighting it, the pity was written all over Chen’s face. He patted your head before guiding you out into the hallway, passing the boys in the living room on the way to the kitchen. Unable to go unnoticed, all three that Chen had mentioned in his plea jumped up at your appearance but didn’t follow, allowing you to eat in peace.

Throughout the day, they all tried their best to somehow balance normalcy while also comforting you and staying conscious of what words left their mouths.

That became the pattern over the next couple months. You wouldn’t come out until one of the boys gave you the all clear; verifying that Junmyeon was not around so you didn’t have to see his face. Not that he made any more effort to talk to you. He was gone most of the day, coming only sometime after dinner, even on the weekends, which he used to take off.

Admittedly, you grew a little spiteful. You would purposefully make sure that you were always home before Junmyeon if you happened to leave the apartment and forced the boys to watch a movie or some drama after eating so you were right in the living room in plain view of the front door.

While the lights were dimmed and all eyes focused on the images on the television, you would snuggle in close to whoever was sitting next to you. Before, the boys would have pushed you away or just got up and moved, not wanting to get in trouble, but you guessed you weren’t the only one mad at the leader now. Chen would rest an arm on your shoulders or Chanyeol would lay your head down in his lap with his arm resting on your stomach. Kai would take it a step further, picking you up and placing you in his lap. He would rest his chin on the top of your head or shoulder while you leaned back into his chest.

Kai always got the biggest reaction of out of Junmyeon. The first time, he turned the television off and ordered all of them into his office. Unfortunately, after they all filed out, Junmyeon found you smirking in the kitchen. You didn’t have any control over your face or else you would have tried to hide it more, but then again, did you really care if he saw or not?

Realizing the game you were playing, he stopped yelling at the guys for being too close to you. He wouldn’t come near the living room when he arrived home, just kicking everyone out when he couldn’t take it anymore.

It was satisfying, watching him get irritated that you preferred everyone else’s company over his and pretended that he was a just an annoying ghost you had to tolerate for short spurts. But that triumphant feeling only lasted so long. As soon as you were alone again, no one there to distract you with obnoxious jokes or random questions, the weight of it all came crashing back down.

Junmyeon’s words about not caring about you and just using you to get the files echoed all around you in the darkness of your room. You hated him, but you hated yourself more. No matter how many times you had told yourself not to fall for anything he said or did, you hadn’t listened. You’d allowed yourself to be lured into the trap like a stupid little mouse, walking right into the lion’s mouth. It was only by luck that you had gotten out before you were devoured. If you hadn’t wanted to ask Junmyeon to also have Chanyeol personally keep a closer watch on your family or to maybe add more security after the almost run-in, you never would have heard the truth.

It was that simple truth – the one that had been staring at you the entire time – that made something inside you ached. You couldn’t say that the thing that was aching was your heart. The pain wasn’t directly in your chest. Instead, it was like your very cells were crying out. Your entire body taking on the agony as if to save your heart from being alone in the struggle.

That pain turned to tears that spilled over as you lied in bed for the night and after a week or so, you didn’t even try to hold them in as you lied in bed, just letting them run their course until they dried up and you were finally able to fall into the black. You didn’t dream, for which you were thankful. Who knows what vicious images your mind would cook up if allowed to play in your sleep?

In the morning when one of the guys came to fetch you, they didn’t comment on your swollen eyes, going along with the façade that everything was perfectly fine.

This morning, however, something was off. Chen was shifting back and forth uncomfortably when you opened the door. Since you’d woken up earlier, you’d gone ahead and dressed, getting ready for the day, but that wouldn’t have explained his shady behavior.

“Chen, is everything okay?” you asked, closing the door behind you as you stepped into the hallway.

Running a hand through his hair, he nodded. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s great. You hungry?”

“Of course.” You tried to stay neutral, but you’d picked up on a few of Chen’s ticks when he was nervous over the last few months. Something happened while you were asleep, but he was refusing to tell you what.

Like normal, Kyungsoo was in the kitchen, waiting for you to arrive before eating the breakfast that was prepared and laid out on the island like a grand buffet. However, he, too, was behaving strangely, keeping his focus down on the plates or the walls or any other place that wasn’t in your general direction.

With a mumbled “good morning”, you sat down across from him and started eating. Chen continued to stand, his eyes flickering to the hallway entrance every ten seconds or so. The boys made eye contact whenever a noise was made, but then looked away once the sound stopped or died away.

Irritated, you threw your chopsticks down on the table. “Okay, what is going on?”

Both men were startled at your outburst but still, they kept quiet, refusing to answer you as if you’d never spoken. That was incredibly frustrating, but you weren’t intimidating enough for either of them to cave to your glare. It turned out that you didn’t need them to.

Without any care, a rattling came from the front door followed by heavy, clumsy footsteps and curses. Chen shifted to block your view, but you weren’t going to still idly by. You jumped up, surprised by your own agility to run around Chen before he could stop you.

In the front parlor, leaning against the wall was Junmyeon. His suit was wrinkled and poorly put on, like he’d done it in haste. His tie was missing and his hair needed a serious comb through.

Just based on that, you might have assumed he was beaten up again or maybe hungover after a night of lonely drinking in a dark, hole-in-the-wall bar. Either of those answers you would have been fine with. Neither would have hurt as much as the truth that was taunting you right now.

While Junmyeon rubbed his eyes with his fingers, he didn’t seem to realize he was no longer alone as you stood there staring at the bright red lipstick stains all over his neck.

Out of all the ways to spite you back, this was never a way you had predicted. Other scenarios you’d expected. Maybe he’d take the guys away and have Xiumin – who you’d never really gotten to know due to his constantly being by Junmyeon’s side – be your only watch dog or just lock you in your room and be done with it. You’d been prepared for those consequences, expected them, even.

But this was a scenario that you hadn’t never thought to entertain. The glaring obviousness of him just getting home after spending the night away with some other woman was like a long saber piercing right through your stomach, tearing at the skin and internal organs, doing as much damage as possible. A fatal blow.

“(y/n)!”

Chen ran into the parlor, scuffling to a stop after seeing that it was too late. Junmyeon was startled at no longer being alone, knocking over an empty vase that was sitting on the entry table with his elbow. He scowled at Chen before looking over at you. His face softened a bit. He cleared his throat, straightening himself up.

“What are you looking at?” he barked.

You flinched at his harshness, which seemed to make him regret his words just for a second judging by the conflict in his eyes, but then it disappeared. You didn’t move as he stepped forward. It was like you were a statue, an ignorable piece of decoration for the penthouse as he continued passed.

“Come on,” Chen urged, shoving your favorite knitted cardigan in your hands. You must have forgotten to take it back to your room last night after throwing it over the back of the couch, giving the vanguard quick access to it. “Let’s get some air.”

Like a robot just taking orders, you slipped on the pair of tennis shoes that you kept by the door and didn’t resist as Chen guided you out the door and took the elevator down to the street below.

The two of you were quiet for the first three blocks or so. You didn’t care where you were headed, if Chen even had a destination in mind. Your main focus was keeping the lump in your throat right where it was, not letting it get any higher. If it did, you would lose all the control you had to remain calm and unaffected. The strength you’d built up since the day you entered this hell would come crashing down.

“(y/n)….”

You shook your head, wrapping your arms around yourself, your fingers digging into the sleeves of the cardigan that was the ultimate shield right now.

“It’s okay,” he said softly.

You kept your eyes down on the sidewalk, counting the different imperfection on the concrete as you passed. Twenty-three nature-formed crevasses, five different coffee stains, maybe three wads of gum.

Chen kicked a trash can, yelling out in frustration. “The two of you can’t keep doing this! We’ve all sat on the sidelines for the past two months, hoping one of you would give in and talk, but you’re both so stubborn and idiotic!”

You stayed quiet. Both of you had stopped walking now, currently in a neighborhood you’d never seen before. Meeting Chen’s gaze was impossible. 

He was right, you and Junmyeon were playing a stupid game, throwing hurtful actions into each other’s faces, trying to be the one with the bigger sign that declared you felt nothing. But while Junmyeon’s message was simply to get it through your head that he was heartless, that he just wanted to get you complacent in his plans, you were just trying to mask your own foolishness.

This was entirely your fault. No, you didn’t sleep with Kai or Chanyeol, but you’d used them to try and make Junmyeon jealous, to irritate him to no end. Getting a rise out of him and getting a little payback for the way he’d played with you was your goal and now it’d exploded in your face. In the end, it was still your heart that was hurting, it was you who looked like a fool.

“I am such an idiot,” you whispered.

“No, (y/n),” he comforted, taking your head in his hands so his warm palms were against your ears. It wasn’t a romantic gesture, but how a brother might hold his little sister. “You are not an idiot. He’s the moron.”

You shook your head, but he didn’t let go. “No, I am. I wanted to spite him, I wanted him to think that I didn’t care. And he threw it back in my face with a much better presentation than I could ever come up with. He slept with someone, Chen. And he just left the evidence all over his face.”

It was too late now. Every word was getting caught in your throat, pushing past the lump. Tears were spilling over, proving that everything Junmyeon had ever done had indeed affected you, hurt you while he went on like nothing could touch him. Because nothing could. And then there was you, breaking at just the slightest touch, like a poorly made wine glass too brittle to be used.

You collapsed down to the ground, your knees scraping against the warm concrete. Chen crouched down in front of you, taking you into his embrace and  letting you sob into his shoulder. His hand rubbed circles on your back while he shushed into your ear. At least no one was around to see your break down. The humiliation with your audience of one was terrible enough.

Then the comforting stopped. Chen stiffened against you before forcing you to your feet.

“(y/n), I need you to stay by me,” he whispered, keeping you caged against his chest. He lifted his right hand and placed it on the back of your head. Then speaking into the com on his wrist, he signaled for one of the guys. “Zone in on our location and schedule a pick up now! (y/n) and I are being followed.”

You locked into place, panic setting in. As sneakily as you could, you shifted your head so you could sneak a peek over your shoulder. A out SUV was crawling slowly down the street, not even trying to be somewhat covert.

“Stay within that area,” Baekhyun’s voice came from the earpiece Chen was wearing. “We’re on our way.”

“Hurry the up.” Tugging you along while still trying to appear casual, Chen hurried down the sidewalk, crossing over to the other side. He pulled his pistol out from behind his back. In a quick maneuver, he placed his body between you and the SUV.

Then, he pulled you into an alleyway, continuing to keep a tight grip as he reached around the corner and fired two shots at the vehicle. The bullets merely cracked the windshield as they bounce off; bulletproof glass.

Cursing, Chen dragged you down the alley, away from the street. The SUV screeched to a stop in the entrance behind you. Once a window was rolled down, a masked man pointed his own gun down the way and fired several shots. Chen forced your head down and miraculously all the bullets missed their targets.

With a squeal from the tires against the asphalt, they sped away as you cleared to the other side. A nearly identical car stopped in front of you from the opposite way. Chen pointed his gun at the vehicle until the back door was kicked open, revealing Chanyeol fully armed with Baekhyun in the driver’s seat.

“Get in!” Chanyeol yelled. Chen shoved you into the back before hopping into the open front seat.

The enemy SUV reappeared behind your rescue vehicle and Baekhyun slammed on the accelerator, lurching the car forward into an illegal speed. Chanyeol shuffled you around so you were now lying on the floor of the back seat.

“Stay there,” he ordered. He stood on the leather cushions, opening the sunroof and peaking his upper body out, a gun in each hand.

“Chanyeol, no!” you screamed, terrified that he might get hurt.

“Shush!” Chen commanded as he, too, rolled down his window and started firing at the tailing vehicle. Unable to stand it and not seeing anything anyway, you closed your eyes and covered your ears, praying for this to end.

It seemed like a lifetime had gone by, the car lurching left and right, little tings chiming off every time enemy fire hit the metal exterior. Your only saving grace being that no one was crying out in pain from being shot.

The relief was overwhelming when Baekhyun finally called out, “Lost ‘em!”

Chen sighed, rolling up his window and sitting back down in the seat properly. Chanyeol followed suit, his giant feet resting between your legs on the floor. You tried to sit up, your back aching from the raised center that had been pressing into your spine, but Chanyeol pushed you back down to the floor.

When you were safe once again in the parking garage and the vehicle was off, you were finally allowed to get up. All three boys surrounded you as soon as you stepped foot onto solid ground again and shuffled you to the elevator. You were barely able to catch a glimpse of the bullet-ridden fiberglass body of the SUV before the doors closed.

The ones who had stayed behind were pacing back and forth in the living room when you arrived back in the confinement of those walls, save Kyungsoo who seemed to be watching the traffic camera footage of the attack from a laptop sitting on the coffee table.

Yixing spotted your arrival first, running up to you. He was clearly in doctor mode, inspecting every inch of you to check for any signs of damage.

“I’m fine,” you assured him, although the trembling in your voice probably contradicted that statement.

“None of us were hit,” Chen confirmed. Yixing nodded and took a step back.

“(y/n)!”

Junmyeon pushed past the doctor and crushed you in his embrace. He’d changed while you were out, his white button down smelling of detergent and his stupid cologne that you loved. His hair was styled and the lipstick was gone. You could feel his rapid heartbeat between the clothes separating you.

Shoving him away, the tears coming back. This was all his fault and you struggled to remember that with him so close.

“Stay away from me!” you screamed. The look on his face was a combination of shock and anger. “It’s your fault I was shot at!”

“You shouldn’t have just left like that in the first place!” he yelled back.

You scoffed. “Screw you!”

He ignored your curse. “You’re not leaving the penthouse again. This proved I was right to keep you here in the first place!”

“No!” Your heart rate was speeding up now, fueled by so much pent up anger there was no stopping it. Eight pairs of eyes stayed on both of you. Out of the corner of your own, you noticed Chen take a step toward you, possibly to shield you or hold you back, whichever was required first. “You can’t just do that!”

“The hell I can’t!” Junmyeon’s face was turning red, his chest heaving up and down. There was no way this would end pretty. “Do I need to remind you of the reason you’re here in the first place? I can put whatever restrictions on you that I want!”

“Oh, yeah,” you mocked. “Please, continue to shove that contract in my face. Please, keep reminding me that all you care about is what I set to inherit. You want to cage me up again? Fine. But don’t you dare come running up here, pretending to care about my well-being when you just want to make sure I don’t die before you get the files.”

Junmyeon took a step towards you, causing both Chen and Chanyeol to jump in between. He barely noticed. “You don’t understand any of what I have done. Don’t pretend that you know everything.”

“If you cared about me in the slightest sense then you wouldn’t have played with me to make me go along with your plan,” you spat.

“I never played around with you!”

You tried to shove past your bodyguards, but they didn’t move an inch against your nonexistent strength. “Yes you did! Are you forgetting I heard everything you said to Chen that night? You just want other people to think that we’re something more than a stupid contract so they wouldn’t move against you so quickly. You didn’t order the guys to stay away from me because you were jealous but because you were afraid it would make you look bad. I’ve been nothing but a pawn to you. The first piece that’s sacrificed in your ing chess game with Junko.”

“My orders didn’t matter apparently, because you’ve been all over them every night!”

Streams of tears were spilling out from your eyes, you couldn’t see anything but blurs in front of you. Breathing was difficult, air catching in your lungs before you could take a full gasp, and your throat burned from all the yelling. Your voice came out hoarse and low.

“Because I wanted to show you the lie that I didn’t care, that I hadn’t fallen for every false, honey covered sentence you threw my way. I wanted to pretend that I was unaffected, that I would simply ignore you, no matter how impossible that was. But I never slept with any of them. You, on the other hand, did go and have with random stranger and then practically shoved it in my face when you walked back in here.”

Junmyeon’s shoulders dropped. His stance was no longer a fighting one. his lips, he sighed. “I didn’t sleep with anyone.”

You huffed out a humorless laugh. “Don’t lie to me now to spare my feelings.”

“I’m not lying!” he growled. “I almost did. I wanted to so maybe I could be distracted, just for a little while, but I left before anything happened. I’ve been out walking around all night to try and get my head on straight!”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” Your voices were rising again, your own breaking from the strain. “You had whoever she was in the palm of your hand, why not just finish it! Why!”

“I couldn’t because I love you!”

The air was out of the room. Now it was nine pairs of eyes widening in shock, staring at the usually emotionless leader.

It was another lie. It had to be. You kept telling yourself that, bracing your imaginary hands up against that stupid, metaphorical wall that was threatening to come crumbling down.

But why go to such an extreme? If he really didn’t care, he’d just tell you that yes, he did sleep with her and he could bed whoever he wanted because he was the all-powerful Suho, leader of one of the most feared mafias in Seoul.

“How am I supposed to believe that?” you sniffed.

Sighing, Junmyeon turned to Xiumin. “Get everyone out.”

His right hand nodded and started pushing the members towards the front door. No one put up a fight against him, except for Chen. His jaw was set as he stared daggers at Junmyeon.

Before stepping away, he mumbled, “You should have said that in the first place.”

The penthouse was quiet once it was just the two of you. Junmyeon took a step towards you and you retreated. If he touched you now, you would turn to compliant putty again and that terrified you.

“I panicked that night,” he admitted. “I know you’ll be mad, but Kyungsoo bugged your phone for me, so I heard everything you told your family. You said that you didn’t care about me, that you were just getting along with me so it wouldn’t be so hard for you here. I was going to wait, to see if that was true, but then Chen threw my recent actions in my face. I couldn’t face rejection in front of any of them. And I was scared, because I’d never crossed a line like this before.”

Taking a breath, he rubbed a hand down his face, groaning.

“And then, after Junko’s men tried to ambush us, I was reminded that if any of my enemies did see that I cared for you, I’d be putting you in even more danger. I was falling for you and I didn’t want to see you hurt. And,” he swallowed, “if you wanted to leave, I knew the only way I’d be able to go along with it was if I gave myself time to let you go. But I can’t deny it anymore.”

This time when he stepped to you, your feet stayed in place. You knew that you should be angry that he’d listened in to the conversation with your family, but you couldn’t keep your focus on that, not after what he’d just confessed alongside it. You weren’t breaking anymore. You were already in pieces, just waiting for him to pick you back up.

Gently, Junmyeon gripped your upper arms, his warm breath brushing your skin. “When the call came in from Chen about you being followed, I knew it was my fault that you’d left in the first place. When Kyungsoo confirmed that they were firing at you, I almost lost it. Only Sehun was able to keep me from running out of here to get to you myself.” His hands made their way up to your shoulders, then your neck, before resting on your cheeks.

“Please say that I was wrong. That I was too quick to believe what you had said and that I was just an idiot. Please say that I’m not the only one in this. I don’t want to marry you anymore because of the contract. I want to marry you because I love you and I never want to watch you walk away again.”

No words would come out. There was almost too much to say. But you were still scared. Not of rejection, not this time. Of what was so scary, you couldn’t quite understand, but the fear was there. Maybe it was due to an uncertain future. There was no telling how all of this would end. But you realized exactly where you wanted to be when it came. So, you simply nodded, still unable to the form words.

“No,” Junmyeon shook his head. “No, I need to hear it. Please.”

Taking in a deep breath, you look into those dark, earthy eyes that had been burned onto the inside of your own lids. The eyes that had haunted and taunted you every night were now looking at you with so much hope and affection it almost seemed like a dream.

“Kim Junmyeon. You’re an idiot, a hothead, sometimes I just can’t stand you,” you whispered. “But despite all that, I can’t lie anymore. I love you.”

The dam burst with a powerful explosion. There was nothing holding either of you back now.

Bringing your lips to his and forcing you up on the tips of your toes, Junmyeon kissed you with a passion that was unbeatable. Your lips followed his as he drank you in, wrapping one of his arms around your waist while his other hand cradled the back of your head. His breath tasted like mint and his tongue was teasing, running over your bottom lip before running away again, back and forth like a cat teasing the mouse.

Without breaking his rhythm, Junmyeon pushed you up against the wall, rattling the frames hanging from the nails. Running out of air, you pulled back, your heavy breathes mixing in the small space between you. Neither of you spoke, just staring into the eyes of the other, hesitant to take the next step. A small smirk pulled at the corner on his mouth before he placed his hands on your hips, gently squeezing as he started to lift you up. By instinct, you jump up with him, trapping his torso with your legs, tangling your arms around his neck.

Junmyeon planted small, quick kisses on your lips as he carried you through the apartment and into his bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him. With so much care, he laid you down on his bed, stripping you of your cardigan and tossing it over his shoulder. You sat up and brought your lips to his while ing his shirt in a somewhat clumsy fashion. Sliding it down his shoulders, you let your fingers graze against his sun-kissed skin. Junmyeon was obviously the calmer one as he lifted your shirt over your head with perfect ease.

Nervousness and slight embarrassment washed over you and you couldn’t bring yourself to take the next step.

“(y/n),” Junmyeon lifted your chin so you were looking up at him, obviously sensing your hesitation. “We don’t have to.”

You shook your head. “No, I want to. I just–” You bit your bottom lip. Why was this so mortifying?

A little chuckle escaped from Junmyeon as laid you down on your back. “Shh. I’ll take care of you.”