“Whenever I see you,
I’ll swallow my pride and bite my tongue;
pretend I’m okay with it all.
Act like there’s nothing wrong.”

///

Things don't change.

Sana still wakes up every morning and gets ready. She still goes to practice, she obsesses over her pronunciation, her steps, getting her body to meet every beat of the music and everything is fine. Things are fine and that's what Sana will continue to tell herself because it's true.

There's no distance between any of the members. They're close and always will be close because they suffered together and in suffering there's a bond that no one can break. Not even the universe itself can tear a bond that was forged in blood, sweat and tears. That's what Sana tells herself every morning at least.

It's what Sana reminds herself every time seizes up at the sight of her best friend doing her best to avoid eye contact with her. It's fine because Momo has never been very good at socializing.

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

Sana smiles through dance practice and jokes with Jihyo even though her wrist burns so hot every time she catches Momo slipping out of the practice room from the corner of her eyes. Sana laughs at Dahyun's silly jokes even as her eyes falls to Momo smiling and touching Heechul's arm as they talk in between takes. Sana says she's okay when Mina comes over and holds her hand tight because Mina is sweet and kind and considerate.

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

Everything is alright because sure, Sana is in love with Momo and sure, the universe decided that Momo is going to be Sana's soulmate but Sana isn't Momo's. It's alright, even though there's a gaping hole that threatens to swallow Sana whole from the inside out.

It's fine because Sana loves Momo.

And that has to be enough, right?

///

Mina is the first to notice.

Of course, she's the first to notice. She's sensitive, always has been and is always in tune with the feelings of those around her. She's perceptive and always watching because she cares and that's just who Myoui Mina is.

So, it hurts her to see her best friends falling apart right before her eyes.

She has always known something was off – she just could never pin point to exactly what it was. It worried her and in a naive attempt, she kind of hoped that maybe, whatever was going on between Sana and Momo – it'd just work itself out. It's not that Sana and Momo had never fought before. Despite Sana once proclaiming that she and Momo had never fought once in their entire friendship – they have.

It was always something petty and small but that was alright. They never could stay mad at each other for long. This, however, was different. It felt heavy and foreboding. A dark cloud that grew and is weighing heavy above them all. It was like that sudden drop in your stomach, a gaping hole that makes you ache, the feeling before something awful was going to happen.

It's not even subtle anymore.

Momo slips away every time Sana comes into the room. If they had to be near each other, it was cold, professional, a far cry from how they once used to be. The awkward air between them is thick and it's making everyone, her included feel uncomfortable. They tried reasoning with it, just Momo being Momo, that she was just going through puberty. It's a band-aid over a bleeding gash wound.

It was never a secret that Momo and Nayeon used to be a thing.

Despite Momo's desire to keep it on the low, Nayeon has always been loud and brash about it. It was a whirlwind of what Mina assumed passion would be like. The kind that the movies talked about, a whirlwind of absolute hedonistic bliss and yet, they didn't last long. A burning, raging fire that was snuffed out as quickly as it came.

Mina wondered if that was the reason for a brief moment for the rift between Sana and Momo.

If Sana was trying her best to fulfill her duties as the best friend but pushed it too far with Momo. That thought was scrapped immediately though because Sana had no ill will towards Nayeon. There was no awkward tension, no avoidance or stink-eye that Mina could observe. To be fair though, Mina doesn't think Sana could be mad at Nayeon – she doesn't think Sana could really ever stay away – let alone, stay mad at any of them.

Yet, Momo and Sana kept drifting away from each other and proving Mina wrong. The space between them growing bigger and deeper and it fills Mina with concern and fear.

It was in September when Mina noticed something was worse than she had initially thought. Sana had came into practice, her face paler than usual. The bags under her eyes heavy and there was no cheery smile on her face as she tossed her bag and hoodie to the side and took her position in their dance formation. Mina made a lot of mistakes that day.

The dance instructor pulling her aside, asking if maybe she was feeling under the weather or if maybe, perhaps, her anxiety had gotten to her today – if it was an off day for her. She apologizes because it's none of those, not really. She just couldn't keep her eyes away from Sana. The girl looked ready to fall from where she stood.

The dance instructor takes her apology and reaches over with a comforting hand on her shoulder, tells her to take her time and maybe sit this one out for a while as the others continue. Mina smiles and agrees because how else is she supposed to say it's not her, it's Sana that she's worried about. She agrees because now, she can watch Sana more closely and maybe, maybe just find out exactly what's going on.

It's in the middle of the choreograph.

Sana stops and coughs and can't seem to stop. The others look on with worry but she waves them off and excuses herself. She's grabbing a bottle of water, chugging it down but she coughs again in the middle of it and water spills all over herself. It's embarrassing and clumsy and so very Sana.

Jeongyeon laughs and makes a joke and the others chuckle. Sana smiles and waves it off again, says she'll go clean herself up and be back later. They continue their practice without her and with Mina sitting and watching and waiting.

Sana doesn't come back.

Instead, their manager comes into the room, simply tells them that Sana isn't feeling well and has returned to the dorms in order to keep everyone else from catching whatever it was that she had. Mina doesn't buy it.

///

Jeongyeon is meddlesome.

That's what everyone in the group likes to about. How she's so motherly that it becomes meddlesome and a bit smothering. She doesn't mind the teasing though, because it's good nature and said in jest. They tease because they know that Jeongyeon loves them with all of her heart and she worries.

So, it doesn't take long for her to know that something isn't right. The group isn't whole and there's a wound that needs to be treated. The problem is it's between Momo and Sana. It's normal for them to argue, Jeongyeon knows that she's had her fair shares of spats between the other girls.

The difference though, is it's Momo and Sana. They never get into a spat – not as severe as this. Where the air feels thick and heavy every time they're together in a room. The obvious stares that Sana casts at Momo and the not-so-subtle way that Momo avoids it all – pretends like Sana isn't even there. It's not right, doesn't feel right, like Jeongyeon had landed in an alternative universe where Momo and Sana don't get along.

It's unheard of, it's just wrong and Jeongyeon is tired of the cold war that is brewing between them.

She corners Momo because Momo is her room-mate. She likes to thinks she's the only other person other than Sana that knows Momo well. There isn't any subtlety because Jeongyeon isn't subtle, never was and she wants to blame being friends with Nayeon and Jihyo does that. They rub off their obnoxiously loud, out-spoken personality onto others.

“Whatever is going on between you and Sana – fix it.”

It's curt, brash and honestly, Jeongyeon just wants the tension gone. Momo, however, doesn't take the tone lightly, frowns and just as curtly says;

“Why should I be the one to fix it? Besides nothing is going on between Sana and I. We're fine.”

It's weak – extremely so, but Momo was never very good at giving excuses. She excelled in silence, in omitting details but it's obvious that there is something going on because Momo is quick to reply. She's quick to say they're fine when clearly they aren't and Jeongyeon can't help but scoff and roll her eyes. She crosses her arms and levels with Momo. It's then that Momo goes mum and looks off to the side, her voice small;

“We're fine...”

And it's said like she's trying more to convince herself that Jeongyeon. The older girl sighs, drops her arms, and though she's tired of the cold war, she knows she can't force this one to be patched up immediately. Not this time, whatever was happening, it's deep an