Stargaze

Stargaze

The California sky is always so beautiful… Kibum thinks and sighs softly to himself as he takes in the view just outside his passenger seat window. Zooming by a vast open land of vibrant dirt, rocks, and a few strange trees, he quite enjoys the way the colors reflect on the desert floor in front of him—hues of purple and orange blend together into the atmosphere, deepening in saturation as the sun comes down to set. He’s very fond of the random hints of pink, hiding between the clouds as if the sky was blushing down onto him… It makes him feel comfortable, and he thinks the sun is a lot more bearable now that it’s setting versus the way it had been hanging high and beating down on his precious skin for the past four hours… And with the way the crescent moon and some stars have now peeked through the welcoming night sky, Kibum feels entranced by the beauty nature has to offer him at this very moment. He feels like he can almost forgive the earth for its cruel summer heat just in exchange for this precious scenery… In fact, as he breaks away from his sight and turns to his right, he knows for certain the earth is not to blame for his torture today…

“Taemin…” Kibum speaks low, reaching his left hand over to turn down the car’s radio he had opted to tune out hours ago. “How much longer will this take? The sun is going down now, and I still don’t see anything in sight…”

Kibum notices Taemin side-eye him quickly, followed by taking a deep breath in as he tightens his hold on the steering wheel in front of him. He seems to be focused on the road, driving off to their destination… wherever that may be. Taemin never told Kibum any details further than taking a quick road trip, and now Kibum curses to himself for never bothering to at least ask him where they were going before leaving that evening… For some reason, Kibum jumped at the idea of running off somewhere with Taemin—the moment he even mentioned it to him Kibum agreed without hesitation. He trusted Taemin, and he was craving a good time… and he knew Taemin could certainly keep him entertained. 

When Kibum told him he didn’t sight-see much whenever SHINee found themselves in America (like they were now for tour), Taemin had only smiled back at him with a wicked look in his eye... Aside from Los Angeles, Kibum wasn’t so sure how the rest of “The grand state of California” looked like, and was sure to let Taemin know… He knew Taemin had come to film music videos here in the past, so really, he figured Taemin was taking him to some place like that (it had seemed like the only valid choice after all, since he drove them out into the desert where there wasn’t a building in sight). 

Kibum only began to have some doubts after the first hour of driving, when the vast terrain only stretched on further with long hills, and more and more cars disappeared from his sight... Kibum’s doubts were then more than certain the moment he realized (much too late) Taemin was not using a GPS navigator, and had in fact forgotten his phone at the hotel… The situation didn’t get any better when he realized right after that his own phone failed to get any reception—he was too caught up staring outside at the trees to check beforehand! He started to even get annoyed when Taemin would only laugh in nervousness and instead of telling him their future location—he acted as if his giggling would solve everything. Kibum felt so foolish to not think this apparent “road trip” through, and now he has no choice but to trust the laughing devil in the driver’s seat, a fate he so willingly chose after all…

After taking a deep breath of his own, Kibum pulls out his phone from his pocket in hopes to see it now has reception after the last time he checked about a half hour ago… it does not. He sighs loudly now and even more annoyed when he sees the low battery practically beam at him from the corner of his screen—he’s forgotten a charger, and he’s more than certain Taemin did too. A slight ping of nervousness comes over him and he sighs yet again, this time as calmly as he can…

“Taemin…” Kibum repeats his name with a more stern tone in his voice this time, desperate to get his full attention and start demanding real answers. Instead, he’s met with the same quick side-eye… “TAEMIN, HELLO!” Are you going to tell me where the hell you’re taking me now? I’ve had enough of this!” 

“I can’t…” Taemin sighs, gripping at the wheel in his small palms just once more. He doesn’t say a word further.

“Excuse me?” Kibum practically gasps, total annoyance vibrating in every fiber of his body now. He can feel his nostrils start to flare. “Why not? Don’t we need gas by now or something anyway!”

“Can you calm down?” Taemin finally turns to look at him, an angry twitch in his eyebrow in some attempt to show his dominance—he was the one driving after all. “Why are you so angry anyway?”

“W-What is wrong with you Taemin?” Kibum can feel his face start to get red, he is so annoyed at him, “Why did I even come with you! You’ve gotten us lost out in the middle of nowhere!” He finally blurts out his concern with that same ping of nervousness coming over him a second time… He had to admit it: he was lost. He was lost with Taemin. There was no other way of looking at their situation…

“Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with Minho, or out stranded in a car out in the middle of nowhere with Taemin driving?”

Kibum could suddenly hear Stacy’s voice emerge from the back of his mind—that random question from his very first interview with her when he debuted solo… She had asked him that random question just for fun, and Kibum remembers so clearly how quickly he was to answer with Taemin’s name over Minho’s… Perhaps, he thinks now, it’s a really bad habit of his to trust Taemin so wholeheartedly—he even remembers how he didn’t even allow Stacy to finish her question in the first place… He just knew he would prefer to spend his time with his devious brat of a maknae versus his robust and hardheaded friend...

“Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with Minho, or out stranded in a car out in the middle of nowhere with Taemin driving?”

Stacy’s question repeats in his mind like a mantra, feeding at his anxiety and only making him more tense. He never thought that question would ever come to be a reality… how could it? But now, he can only look back at that question as a cruel joke—or perhaps even a curse for what was to come…Taemin has yet to say anything back to him from his outburst, but Kibum is sure he can feel the way he’s beaming rays of anger right at him. He thinks that perhaps being stuck with Minho wouldn’t be so bad after all, now that he’s here and realizing that he’s much closer to his demise than he would be in an elevator…

But then again, as he continues to stare angrily at Taemin’s silhouette, he has to admit there’s just no way being stuck in an elevator with Minho could be worse than this... In fact, he shouldn't even try lying to himself when he knows why he’d prefer to be lost with Taemin… He knows exactly why.

He observes the curves of Taemin’s face: his soft cheeks, softer lips, and round nose. Kibum wonders how he can be so calm at a moment like this, especially with the way he’s barking right at him... He looks just as pretty as always with not a single hint of worry on his features... He wonders what exactly Taemin could be thinking in that strange brain of his, or what exactly he must have planned, as he drives them off even further… just the two of them… Kibum's heart tugs, and his enraged annoyance suddenly shifts to himself instead.

He sighs out loud once more, allowing his anxiety to crawl all over his skin like goosebumps in an attempt to process his situation better (and not allow certain emotions to surface). He’s not sure what Taemin could have in mind, but Kibum thinks it’s time his game comes to an end (even if he looks too pretty playing it). He takes a deep breath, preparing to finally hit the nail on the coffin and scold Taemin into turning around to take them back until Taemin finally turns to look at him—this time with a twinkle in his eye. Kibum’s anxiety suddenly heightens when he sees the plump lips in front of him turn into a wicked smile… His upcoming scolding only turns into a giant gulp as he listens to Taemin speak before him.

“First of all, this car I rented is electric and I barely switched over to gasoline an hour ago! How did you not know?” Taemin starts to smile wide, “Also, we’re not lost! You shouldn’t even be saying that hyung!” he continues smiling, making Kibum’s breath halt… His eyes widen at the man in front of him, almost in complete shock from the response he’s just heard. Some reason, however, his annoyance and anxiety start to get under control as random giggles begin to fill his ears... He watches Taemin turn back to the road with sudden enthusiasm, and feels his heart begin to pump rapidly in a different type of nervousness now... He feels dizzy when he notices Taemin take a hand off the wheel and point somewhere off in the distance. “Just look! We’re here.”

With a slow turn of his head, Kibum follows the direction of where Taemin is pointing… In the distance he sees something that resembles a building with few surrounding trees in the middle of the vast and dry terrain, and they were only inching closer to it as Taemin sped up. Kibum isn’t sure when that strange building appeared on the horizon (he was too busy glaring at Taemin the whole time to notice) but he’s more than happy to finally see something that isn’t just more dirt… With this, he finally leans back into his seat and allows his body to release all its tension with one last sigh. In silence he nods his head as an attempt to reply to Taemin, not giving a damn if he can even see him or not, and averts his focus on that one building…

Kibum’s heart can’t stop beating at the fast pace Taemin threw it in, the pumping of his blood almost audible to him in his ears... He still wasn’t so sure what was going on but at least he’s not lost—or at least as lost as he had thought. It doesn’t take them very long to get near their now apparent destination, but the closer they get the more nervous Kibum becomes... From what he could make out, it looks as though there are four picnic tables with benches sitting outside the building—there were still no cars in sight. When they finally arrive there, the sky is just about to set midnight blue and the stars start to appear more than before... Taemin sets the car to park for the first time in almost five hours and lets out a giant sigh of his own.

“Now what do we have here…” Taemin whispers, causing Kibum to snap his head back at him with the same surprised expression as earlier.

“What did you just say?” Kibum asks, trying his best from choking on his words and to keep his heart from actually bursting out of his chest—he feels like a mad man at this point because he’s not sure if he’s annoyed, anxious, or just plain scared anymore. He watches Taemin observe the scene in front of him, and jumps back when he quickly snaps up to unbuckle himself with more enthusiasm than when he first announced this found location.

“Oh I think this is a rest stop, how perfect!” Taemin unbuckles himself and jumps out of his seat quickly, leaving the door wide open as he runs into the building Kibum now assumes is a restroom… He looks around his surroundings once more, trying his best to make out as much as he can in the newfound darkness around him… There are only a few flickering lights hanging above the entrance to the restroom but nothing more… Kibum can’t even see much of the vast scenery anymore unless the illumination from the waning moon—now brighter in the dark—allowed it to be seen. With a sudden chill down his spine, he can’t bring himself to move... Instead, he takes this time now to close his eyes and take deep breaths to finally calm down the right way. He was at a rest stop in the middle of the Californian desert… He was at a rest stop with Taemin and no one was near to help them out. 

Did Taemin really do this on purpose? He didn’t even know what building he pulled them up to… Was he truly up to something, or was he actually too stubborn to admit they were lost? Kibum just couldn’t figure it out—as transparent as Taemin is, he is also just as much as a wild card. Kibum can feel a headache start to form by the time he’s able to get up from his seat; he steps out just in time to see Taemin running back in his direction. He isn’t given a chance to speak.

“This is definitely a rest stop, what luck! I was just about to pee my pants...” Taemin starts talking at a fast pace, still smiling as brightly as ever, “We can stop here for the night… Hopefully someone will stop by and help us find our way back sooner.” Taemin finishes just as quickly as he started, and walks back around to shut his door and open the trunk. Kibum stands in his spot, dumbfounded, and with his head and heart pounding… He doesn’t say a word back to everything just revealed to him, and instead goes over his day. He makes a mental checklist:

  1. Gets me to go on a trip
  2. Invites no one else
  3. Forgets his phone at the hotel
  4. Drives us out to the desert

“I’m going to go to the restroom too.” Kibum speaks up after going over his list at least five times… He finally turns to see Taemin ducked into the trunk of the car, sticking a hand up to signal a thumbs up but also struggling to get something out. Kibum thinks to help him really quickly but doesn’t as his feet move ahead of his thoughts—he practically sprints to the inside of the building. Once in there, he immediately goes up to the sink and turns on the faucet, letting the water run as hard as it can. In a haste, he cups his hands together and splashes the cold water all over his face. He does this a few times before finally shutting off the faucet and running his wet fingers through his bangs, pushing them back as he looks into the mirror and takes the deepest breath of his day yet.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself…” He whispers as he leans in closer to his reflection and tries his best to look at his skin from the dim light and scratchy mirror… He had run in there to collect more of his thoughts, but he already knows there’s nothing more to collect—he now knows why he’s here, and what’s going on… Taemin took this trip as an advantage to be stuck with him alone... Taemin gave him no choice but to be stuck with him for who knows how long… Granted, he’s certain Taemin didn’t plan today to play out exactly like this, (seeing that he didn’t even expect to run into a rest stop) but it’s more than clear to Kibum now that he did do this on purpose. Surely, he was looking for a good time with Taemin and was given a giant scheme to work out alongside with it. He wants to laugh… He almost can’t believe his maknae went to these lengths just to hang out with him (alone), and it almost confuses him as to why… Taemin should know just as well as he does that he would always hang out with him if he has the chance—all Taemin had to do was ask. If he didn’t want anyone to bother them, they could simply just say so, it was nothing new between the members to sometimes exclude others for the sake of planning or interests… So, Kibum can only wonder why? It didn’t make sense to him...

He starts to get nervous again when he remembers Taemin’s silhouette in the car, and then Taemin’s animated face when explaining his grand “plan” to him… Kibum may not know why Taemin chose to go with this today, but what he does know is that Taemin wants him to trust him. As odd as this all may be, he did go above and beyond to show Kibum more of California. And although Kibum would’ve appreciated it if Taemin explained things better, at least they didn’t get as lost as he initially thought... He was so mad in the car just 5 minutes ago, but now it feels like all that intense emotion never existed—his headspace feels tired, but accepting. He his breath in when a flash of Taemin’s smile reemerges from his mind. Taemin really makes him crazy, but it’s a good kind of crazy, and Kibum can’t deny he’s used to that charm and special mind.

After looking at himself a little longer, fixing his hair, and approving himself still decent, Kibum braces himself as he makes his way back outside. When he walks back into the dark of the night, he’s surprised once more at what he sees in front of him… He starts to walk towards a decent sized pile of wood sitting on a thin blanket—it was next to one of the picnic benches, the bench closest to the car. He can also see Taemin bent over like he was before, but this time over the pile of wood. Kibum assumes that pile is probably what he pulled out of the trunk... He was trying to set it ablaze and proving to be successful since there appears to be a tiny flame starting to eat away at the tip of the pile. As Kibum walks even closer to investigate, he notices an ice chest sitting on top of the table with two thicker blankets folded neatly right next to it.

“What is this now?” Kibum breaks Taemin’s attention away from his creation of wood and fire, eyes sparkling as he looks to be happy with all that he’s done. “Don’t tell me, did you pull all that out of the trunk?” Taemin just stands up, nodding excitedly before making his way to the table—he places what he used to ignite his fire down and opens up the ice chest. He reaches his hand inside and pulls out a bottle of beer… He turns back to look at Kibum, handing him the bottle a giant smile still plastered on his face. Kibum takes a deep breath, flaring his nostrils a bit as he follows Taemin to his spot and snatches the bottle from his small hand. He opens it with a quick twist and starts chugging as much of it down as he can... He drinks more than half the bottle before breaking away with a giant sigh, shooting his gaze straight at Taemin who was watching him amusingly. How do his cheeks not hurt by now? Kibum wonders...

“Okay… Are you going to tell me what’s going on now?” Kibum gets straight to the point. He’s accepted this is happening, but he needs to hear it from Taemin himself. He needs to see if there’s anything more to this now that he sees Taemin actually put time and effort into planning this so-called trip… “What are you up to today, Lee Taemin?”

“We’re in the desert now! Isn’t it cool? This is like when I shot the Drip Drop music video—except probably a whole lot farther… This rest stop is an extra bonus honestly, I was probably just going to pull over somewhere random and call it a day.” He turns back around to grab a bottle of his own, opening it slowly and not even bothering to take a sip from it as he continues, “I noticed you stared out the window most of the time so… I assume you liked all the scenery, yea? California’s kinda pretty when you get out of the smog of the city isn’t it?” Kibum only nods at him, finishing off his beer and placing it down on the table. He takes a seat on the bench, and Taemin follows him with a frown, “What’s wrong, I thought this is what you wanted?”

“I guess, Tae,” laughs Kibum, a bit forced but nonetheless genuine. He looked to Taemin who took the seat to his right, “You just really freaked me out… Don’t you realize we could’ve really gotten in trouble? In fact, we don’t even know if we’ll be okay still…”

“We will, someone will stop by. I’m sure of it!”

“You didn’t even know this rest stop was here Taemin…” Kibum halts Taemin’s ever growing enthusiastic talk, “But you have all this stuff with you, firewood, drinks, even blankets—it confuses me… Did you really plan to get us lost?”

“Please stop saying that,” replies Taemin in a sudden dry tone. He finally takes a sip of his drink and takes his time to savor it unlike Kibum did... Watching him drink it actually makes Kibum thirsty for more… When Taemin finishes his savoring, he doesn’t look back at him, opting to look up into the night sky instead. Kibum can’t bring himself to break his eyes from that silhouette... “It might seem like we’re lost, but I did have a reason to bring you out here hyung… I love coming out here at night, even though it has been years since the last time…”

Kibum continues to watch Taemin as he observes the sky; his eyes are sparkling now more than ever. He doesn’t think to say anything to him, because he can tell he is deep in his thoughts and reminiscing on something… he can almost see the wheels turning inside his head... Taemin stays quiet for a little while longer before sighing. He continues.

“The moon and stars are so bright out when you drive out so far from the city… You probably know that already... You can actually see them all, and they decorate the sky so beautifully…” He finally turns back to look Kibum right in the eye, “Have you ever gone stargazing out in nature like this? Just look now.”

So, Kibum does exactly what is instructed of him and turns to look up at the night sky. When he does, he realizes quickly just exactly what Taemin is talking about... Just above him shone what seemed like a thousand stars, and the moon hung brighter than he had ever seen it; the stars looked like they were endless, and unlike the night sky ever looked in Seoul… Kibum was almost breathless. Without the heavy lights and pollution of the city, and hundreds of miles away from anywhere heavily populated, the desert was perfect for the dark of the night to properly show off its beauty... Kibum actually can’t remember the last time he saw so many stars twinkle back at him like diamonds plastered on a ceiling—the last time was probably when he would still go on camping trips with his parents as a kid. Because of that, the scene in front of him now felt nostalgic and magical all at the same time. He’s starting to fully understand just what Taemin was planning.

“You brought me out here to stargaze?” Kibum asks in a low voice, turning to see Taemin who was still looking in his direction… “Is that what you were up to this whole time?” Taemin nods.

“Yes, that’s exactly it! I love to stargaze, and ever since you said you’ve never gone outside Los Angeles, I just couldn’t stop myself from dragging you out here too… I wanted to share this with you. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he smiles at Kibum, and drinks more of his drink. 

“Don’t you think that would’ve been nice for me to know?” Taemin giggles at Kibum’s question.

“I wanted to surprise you, but of course in typical Key fashion, you got all dramatic...” Taemin laughs again, this time causing Kibum to make a silly face at him. “I’m sorry, I guess I should’ve told you… But we’re here now! I knew we were going to be out here during the night when it’s dark, obviously, so I bought the firewood for us to use... The blankets are just in case the warmth from the fire doesn’t keep you comfortable either. The desert may be hot during a summer day, but wow, can it get cold once the sun is gone!” He finishes his sentence by turning around quickly. He reaches over into the ice chest to grab Kibum yet another bottle, “I also brought these drinks so we can just relax while we gaze, so please drink as much as you want… I know you want to.”

Taemin only laughs even more when Kibum snatches the drink from his grip like the first time. Though, Kibum doesn’t drink this second bottle like he did his last, and only sips on it slowly the way Taemin does. After their exchange, they take their time to simply sit in silence; Kibum doesn’t feel like pestering Taemin any further now that he fully understands what is going on, and he’s sure Taemin is tired of him being so strung up anyway... He wants to finally allow himself to unwind completely, and enjoy the sky’s beauty in peace. If Taemin is so insistent someone will come help them, he figures, at this point, it’s only best to trust that judgment now...

They continue to sit like that for a long while and sipping on their beers, nothing more. Neither of them are bothered with their comfortable silence—the sound of the burning fire was actually enough to keep the atmosphere from being dead quiet. Kibum quite enjoys the crackling sounds, and how it fills up in the air; the pile is burning a lot stronger than before now that it was completely engulfed in flames, and the warmth from it is just enough to keep him toasty. Though, he’s almost tempted to grab one of the blankets anyway, since he knows Taemin brought it just for him to use… In a random instance however, Kibum notices from the corner of his eye Taemin set his (now empty) bottle down. As if he could tell Kibum was thinking about him, Taemin calls out his name. Kibum turns to him as a response and is almost caught off guard when he sees the flames were now big enough to cast light and shadow all over Taemin’s face. With the dancing glimmer, the curves of his features only stood out to Kibum more than usual. Taemin's soft lips and even softer eyelashes—combined with the other light from the crescent moon and stars, Kibum doesn’t think there could be anything prettier than this moment…

“Hyung, did you hear me?” asks Taemin with a wave of his hand, immediately causing Kibum to sit up from his slouch and break away from his sudden trance.

“I-I’m sorry… I was thinking of something…” Kibum didn’t realize he was staring, and he could feel his face start to glow pink... He quickly goes with an excuse, “This beer is really good… I think I’m buzzed.” He laughs awkwardly when Taemin only tilts his head in response…

“So do you?” Taemin asks him.

“Do I what?”

“I said, do you know anything about constellations?” 

Kibum blinks in caution at Taemin’s question, unsure if Taemin was being as serious as he looks upon him.

“You mean, like the little dipper and the bigger dipper?” he asks back, receiving a quick nod in response. “Besides that not really, I don’t really know much about the stars…”

“That’s a bummer,” Taemin speaks, breaking away from Kibum’s gaze now to stare back at the sky. “There are so many, and they’re all so interesting…” Kibum returns his gaze to the sky too, in an attempt to find whatever it was that Taemin was looking at (if there was even anything at all). As beautiful as the starry sky looked to him now, Kibum had to admit he had no clue what he was looking at besides the moon and a bunch of stars… Taemin continues, “I can’t really remember when, but I had gotten into the topic of space, planets, and stuff like that. I learned so much… Do you know anything about astrology, or are you completely clueless on that too?”

This time, Taemin smiles evilly when he asks his question because he knows Kibum's answer is no. At this point, Kibum is certain he is glowing hot pink and he brings a hand up to slap Taemin’s arm in a playful tease. Taemin amusingly laughs at the action, entertained at Kibum’s predictable attitude; he rests his back on the table of the bench, settling himself to get comfortable and as if he’s ready to teach Kibum a lesson… Kibum isn’t sure what Taemin could be thinking now, but the look on his face is much too happy for his comfort, and he leans away from him in fear… Suddenly, Taemin bursts into a fit of laughter, choking on his breath as he brings his arms back to rest on top of the table too, giving him a cooler demeanor in the dark.

“Huh? What’s so funny?” says Kibum in an outburst—he glares at Taemin, unsure of what’s made him start laughing but desperate to understand… When Taemin’s choking dies down, he asks again, “What is so funny?”

“Nothing really. It’s just funny to me when I find things that I am good at and you are not!” Taemin continues smiling wickedly at Kibum, causing him to roll his eyes… 

“Oh whatever, those are just unimportant hobbies anyway…” Kibum retorts quietly mostly to himself. He sighs quickly, and tries his best to not let Taemin see that he might be a little impressed... All of SHINee is always so busy nowadays, when are they not? So, finding time to get into new hobbies and things that require more time outside of their typical work and schedules was difficult… Especially when they're as mundane as this. When did Taemin pique an interest in space and stuff like astrology anyway? Kibum was curious, “Do you really believe in all that?”

“All what? Astrology?” Taemin puckers his lips, “Mmm, I don’t know… I just think it’s really interesting, and fun.”

“Huh? Why would you get into something you don’t believe?” says Kibum unsatisfied.

“I didn’t say I didn't believe it…” Taemin sighs, “I don't even know if I really do... Who knows if anything like that is real... Do you know what you’re referring to?” he asks in an intense tone, and Kibum finds himself suddenly dumbfounded at the response. He chews at his bottom lip while he thinks further on the question...

“Well, it’s astrology… So, horoscopes and signs and all that hocus pocus with the stars right?” Taemin doesn’t say anything at Kibum's words and looks up to the night sky instead. Kibum continues to watch him, tempted by the silence, “Why?”

“Astrology is typically about the planets, more than anything… And it’s a lot more complicated than just horoscopes and signs… But that’s not why I mentioned any of it, so I guess it doesn’t matter right now.”

“What is the reason you mention it then?” Kibum asks, curiosity beginning to grow wildly in his mind with this random subject that has come to play. Still in silence, Taemin moves his empty hand off the table and points up to the direction he continues gazing off into. In a slow movement, he starts to move his hand slightly from one spot to the next as if drawing pictures in the sky and putting them together…

“I can see some constellations of the Zodiac… Libra, Scorpio, and Sagittarius are all in front of us off in the distance.” Kibum takes it upon himself to gaze back up to the sky and try to follow the random directions Taemin was just pointing to; everything looks the same to him—stars and stars, and even more stars... He’s never been good at finding the simple constellations everyone else can—like the little dipper—but to find whatever Taemin was talking about (constellations he didn’t even know existed) seemed like a near impossible feat... 

As if on cue, Taemin grabs hold of Kibum’s free hand, and points it up to the sky using his forefinger. He gets close to his face trying to see his perspective, making Kibum hold his breath suddenly. Taemin speaks to him in a soft voice, “Try to look at where I point you. It’s okay if you don't see the shapes, I just want you to know the general direction of where they are…”

He continues to point for a few moments further before dropping his hold on Kibum’s hand and backing off. This time, Kibum could tell where Taemin was pointing—he still didn’t know what exactly these constellations looked like, but he stared off in their direction to try to spot them anyway... It doesn’t take long for Taemin to speak up again.

“People typically only know the basics of astrology, like the zodiac signs, as you just mentioned… And it’s true astrology does have to do with the Zodiac, but what a lot of people don’t know is that the Zodiac is based on different stories and archetypes, and that’s why each sign is unique. Honestly, it’s the mythology of the Zodiac that piqued my interest with this whole subject,” Taemin starts laughing again, this time to himself as he talks on, “When I first came out to the desert like this, the people that were accompanying me would point out these constellations and associate them with astrology... At first, I didn't know what to think, I was skeptical overall... I had obviously heard of astrology before because I have looked up my own horoscope in the past—who doesn't? The more I heard them talk though, the more I came to realize that these horoscopes and signs were actually based on what was in the sky, I don’t know… I was just so mind blown—even more so when I learned it was also tied into ancient mythology! Kibum, how could I not get into this? The layers are endless, I have fun just thinking about it!”

“I can tell. Just look at you, so happy just to talk about the sky all while making heart eyes right at it.” It’s Kibum's turn to laugh, for he is amused with how much Taemin seems to enjoy this subject… He had stopped trying to search for the constellations in favor of watching him ramble on with excitement. Taemin was so excited, he was blinking more times than Kibum could count, and of course, Kibum only thought it was cute. The more Taemin talked the more he helped Kibum realize why he's so into it... Of course, Kibum thinks it would only be natural for Taemin to find attraction to things as strange and grand as this... And since Kibum can now see this is probably what drove Taemin to want to come out and stargaze in the desert, he only wonders… “Then... What’s so special about these constellations you pointed out? Are the other ones not related to the zodiac not special?”

“Oh they are, I just don’t think they’re as interesting since they’re not typically tied with astrology… I don’t know…” Taemin scratched his head as he thought.

“I’m only wondering why you mention these constellations and not any others… I’m sure there are tons of them, no?”

“Oh, well that’s because I only know the story and mythology of the ones I pointed out… I know other constellations have stories too, but I don’t think I can really tell you any of those…”

“Are you going to tell me a story, Taemin?” Kibum finally asks what’s on his mind. This time, his question causes Taemin to return his eyes on him instead of the stars—he takes a deep breath and blows it out of his mouth. For what feels like the hundredth time that night, he nods a yes to answer. For some reason, Kibum feels warm inside… He thinks it could still be thanks to the heat from the burning fire next to them, or maybe even just the beer, but something about the way Taemin looks at him makes him doubt that... He looks at him the way he looks at the stars, and the fact Taemin is so excited to share this new hobby of his made Kibum feel even more special… “I’ll listen to anything you tell me.”

Taemin’s lip curls into a soft smile, “Constellations are celestial beings… Bodies and entities put into space by the gods as a form of immortality. Pretty cool right? That means those stars I pointed you to once existed, and that’s why they have stories... There is a reason they live in the sky. Obviously there are 12 signs of the zodiac, so there would be 12 constellations, but only these three are the ones visible right now...” Taemin brings up his hand to start pointing up again. Kibum doesn’t bother to interrupt him at all now—his full attention is dedicated to listening to Taemin speak.

“So for example, that constellation right there is Sagittarius… Well, Sagittarius is only a constellation in the sky because there was once a centaur named Chiron…” Kibum looks up to try to remember where Taemin pointed to, but ends up only staring off into the stars as Taemin continues his story, “Centaurs were the creatures that were half-human, half-horse, and they were typically known to be brutal or barbaric. Not Chiron—Chiron was very kind and extremely intelligent with a vast knowledge of things; he would go around teaching all that he knew. He taught others about hunting, medicine, music, and so much more… He was even a teacher for many of the mythological heroes.” 

The more Taemin speaks, the more Kibum swears he can see the stars dance and form into the image of his story… Twinkling stars help him imagine this centaur named Chiron, and his adventures of being such a great creature. The magical feeling of looking up into the dark sky now felt even more unreal—Kibum loved it. He felt like he was no longer on this planet, and instead in a far off paradise full of riches from the diamonds flashing in front of him to tales of ancient times he would have never dreamed of… Just him and Taemin, whose story only goes on. 

“One day however, another great hero you already know, Hercules, brought Chiron’s fate to an end when one of his arrows accidentally pierced him while he was out hunting for wild boar…”

 Kibum suddenly gasps, “And he died?”

“No, the constellations are technically immortal, remember?” Taemin giggles, “Any other way, I know it’s sad Chiron got shot, even Hercules felt horrible for what he had done. Chiron could not die because he was already immortal himself, but he was suffering horribly from the venom of Hercules’s poisonous arrows. His body was in agonizing pain, nothing would help, and they also could not cure him. In order to save him from his pain, Hercules offered that he and Prometheus—who was trapped and tortured in punishment—to switch places… Chiron agreed, and was able to finally die from doing so. After that, the gods decided to place his image in the sky as a reward and homage to his noble character and brave sacrifice… He basically stayed immortal because now his image shines up as a constellation in the sky, and he appears each night when the sun goes down. Sagittarius, the constellation’s name, will forever remind us of Chiron’s wisdom, teaching, and gentle soul.”

“Oh wow…” Kibum sighs, entranced with the images that were now dancing in front of him from the story and stars; he was truly mind blown and now more than impressed with Taemin’s knowledge on his new hobby. It almost makes him want to start reading up on it himself… “Taemin, I had no idea stories like that existed just for what shines up at night every day… That really is interesting!” He finally looks in Taemin's direction, only to see Taemin already staring at him with the softest smile Kibum has ever seen.... He gulps when he comes face to face with the same dewy and sparkly eyes as before.

“I’m so happy you like it, Kibum…” Kibum smiles at Taemin’s simple words.

“All of this is actually so amazing Taemin…” He suddenly blurts out. He also finishes off the rest of his third bottle, placing it down next to his last… “I do have to admit, I feel so impressed… With your story, and with this trip over all… You are really something else, you know.” Kibum hasn't stopped looking into Taemin’s eyes, and feels joy when he sees happiness radiate alongside the twinkling of them… it only makes them look more beautiful. Taemin’s eyes truly do resemble the night sky, Kibum thinks. In fact, he thinks Taemin overall is just like the night sky itself: vast, mysterious, and even brilliant. He feels happy he decided to come along with Taemin after all—this trip of theirs turned out a thousand times better than he could’ve ever imagined, though, it’s not like he would’ve imagined this type of trip in the first place… 

When Kibum suddenly notices Taemin stare down to his lips, something in him freezes—he stops his thoughts, and he breaks away from his gaze to stare back up into the stars. He can feel his heart start to accelerate and he’s not so sure why… Something in the air scares him... He gulps, feeling Taemin’s eyes still on him, and acts in a panic, “Tell me another, what else is up there?”

“Well,” Taemin starts, and Kibum can notice him finally looking away. He lets out a sigh before starting “Scorpio is up there right now too. Scorpio was another creature, but not human at all. In fact, it was created merely to fight.” Once more, just like the first time, Kibum can start to see images form with Taemin’s words, “Scorpio comes from the story of the god, Orion… Orion would always brag that he was the best hunter to exist, better than even Artemis, the goddess of hunting. Each time this happened, Artemis would do nothing to defend herself and allowed Orion to continue his bragging, for she was in love with him... Her brother, Apollo, was not pleased with this at all; he took action and worked with another goddess named Gaia in order to create a creature so magnificent, it would bring Orion down…” Kibum notices Taemin point up once more, this time tracing an image into the sky… “They created a scorpion, and when this creature and Orion finally clashed, the creature emerged victorious in its mission. Orion died.”

“And so the scorpion is up in the sky?” asks Kibum in a low tone, entranced once more with the images filling his mind: gods, goddesses, and creatures, grand battles and even grander deaths. He wishes it was a movie…

“Yes, it is. Zeus placed the scorpion in the sky, in recognition of its deed and to immortalize its bravery… I guess Orion wasn’t really liked…” Taemin laughs, and it makes Kibum chuckle with him. “But Orion is in the sky too; he and the creature face opposite ends of the heavens so they won’t ever fight again… he appears in the winter, since the scorpion is only out during summer. As a constellation, Scorpio is meant to remind us of the creature’s power, alongside the fate of Orion's brutality…”

“Wow…” Kibum speaks up again, leaning a bit forward to get a closer look up at the sky, “That story was so different from the last one.”

“Yup, they’re all different!”

“And you said there’s 12 of these stories? Just, wow!” Kibum lets out again, seemingly breathless for how excited his imagination has gotten. “I really need to hear the rest now, this is so cool.” He laughs, and Taemin does too.

“I really am so happy you feel that way hyung, I can’t even begin to tell you…” Taemin sighs again, content and sweet.

“Well then tell me Tae, I want to know.” He looks in Taemin's direction, who hasn’t bothered to look back at him since, “What’s your favorite one? Your favorite constellation, or story?” 

Kibum notices Taemin frowning unexpectedly, “Well, I don’t think that’s visible right now…”

“I don’t care, I just want to hear your star tales,” Kibum pressures Taemin, now eager to know what Taemin can tell him. He sees Taemin’s face get stern for a quick second before he shifts his head to look more up. He seems to be staring off further into space as if he can see the galaxies far away… Kibum doesn’t care to look at the stars now, for he feels entranced with the aura in front of him instead.

“There’s something about the mythology of Gemini that really tugs at heart…” Taemin starts, puckering his lips as he talks, “Gemini is a constellation that represents twins, the twins' names are Castor and Pollux… They were young and adventurous, and they shared all their life together with nothing but curiosity and enthusiasm for it. They never left each other’s sides... However, Castor was mortal, unlike Pollux, and eventually died...”

“Oh no, that’s horrible...” Kibum whispers sadly, feeling sympathetic from the way Taemin is looking up to the heavens.

“Yea, it is… Castor’s death left Pollux distraught, he felt devastated and wasn't sure how he could go on without his twin brother... To Pollux, being with Castor was everything including life. He was so devastated that he went to Zeus, and begged him for help. Feeling sorry for him, Zeus offered that Pollux share his immortality with his brother as stars in the sky. Pollux agreed desperately and Zeus granted them just that by transforming them into the constellation Gemini, where they can truly live together forever. They would never have to fear losing each other again, and from up in the sky their constellations remind us of them. They remind us of human complexity, since they themselves embody mortality, separation, and divine unity.” Taemin finishes his story with another sigh. Kibum observes him, but can’t tell what he’s thinking…

“That story is sad somehow…” says Kibum, “Is that one really your favorite?” he asks in a weary tone. In reality, this third story did bring Kibum’s mood into a weird place. The other two stories were so different, he wasn’t so sure what he expected… Devastating family deaths and heartbreak wasn’t really something he was looking forward to hearing after listening to stories about centaurs and scorpions…

“Yea, I guess it is in some parts. Why?” Taemin retorts, still not bothering to even look at Kibum.

“It makes me feel sad overall…” frowns Kibum.

“Why?” Taemin says quickly... He continues to stare at the stars, “The twins are still together to this day, so I don't understand why it's sad? Pollux got his wish, he gets to be with his brother everyday for the rest of their undying and celestial lives. Sure, maybe they’re just some cluster of stars, but they have each other, don’t they? I think Castor is probably happy to be with his brother again too, wouldn’t you?” Taemin has yet to look at him and Kibum still can’t bring himself to look away. This time, his question catches him by surprise; he closes his mouth, opting to throw out what he was about to say… Now, even more than ever, are the flames casting a shadow onto Taemin so magnetic… The light from the fire dances so beautifully on Taemin’s silhouette, and his gaze up at the sky is so damn intense, they seem to have a fire within them too. He seems to gaze up at the moon, which somehow now beamed a glow so luminous, it only made the air around them look hazy and dreamlike—everything about the atmosphere around them made Kibum get more emotional. He can understand just exactly what Taemin is conveying to him now… How could he not?

With a gulp, Kibum starts to scratch at the back of his head, “I’m sorry, I don’t know...”

Taemin doesn’t say a word further, and instead closes his eyes. He stays sitting with his head still facing upward, and Kibum can see his steady breathing as his chest rises and falls… He thinks he should say something but figures Taemin must be concentrating on something important… Their silence stretches on only a minute further until Taemin speaks again.

“I love that story because I think the idea of being with someone you love forever is beautiful—it just touches my heart. They live in the stars, what else could bother them but each other?” Taemin stops to his lips, sighing with the action, “Even if they were brothers, the whole concept of Gemini moves me... I said they are meant to remind us of human complexity—the complexity of our love and curiosity. How far are you willing to go for the one you love?” He suddenly smiles, letting out a chuckle before saying, “Or maybe I’m being super sappy about it all…”

He finally moves to look Kibum in the eye another time, and just like each time before, Kibum is caught off guard. He almost loses his breath when he gets caught in Taemin’s gaze; the eyes Taemin stares at him with are just as intense as always, but there’s something different and more intimidating about them now… Kibum can feel that the aura is stern, and his nervousness arises all over again with a shiver up his skin. He isn’t sure how to react when Taemin suddenly reaches both his arms down to grab onto one of his hands. Everything leading to this moment was surely enough to make Kibum scream, but Taemin’s stare just kept him frozen. He felt himself get more and more pink the longer they stared; Taemin starts speaking before Kibum even thinks to himself.

“Kibum, you came out to the desert with me despite not knowing a thing…” he starts with a pleading sound in his voice, the look of love pouring out of him, “Would you go with me to the moon if I asked you to then? Would you even follow me anywhere I wanted you to, if I needed you to? To the stars, and back, and anywhere else it may be?” Taemin finishes by blinking a thousand times. 

At this point, Kibum doesn’t care if he’s redder than the flames that have been keeping them warm for the past hour or so... He lost all his thoughts with Taemin’s outburst, and he can feel himself get intoxicated from the love and beauty around him. He blinks a few times back at Taemin, still unsure of how to form any words now that his brain has been totally discombobulated…

“I just think I would feel devastated without you too, hyung…” Kibum feels himself smile back when Taemin does too, and when he does, he realizes at that moment that his answer is yes. Taemin made a point by mentioning this trip, Kibum would go anywhere with him… At this moment he thinks he could be unstoppable as long as Taemin is by his side in some way… He wants to go everywhere with him, experience the world and see what else they can learn together. Something in him starts to burn up, and he starts to speak on impulse.

“As long as you let me drive next time—and plan it a little better too.” Kibum giggles out, bringing his other hand down to take Taemin’s hands in his, the proper way... He gives the small palms in his a slight squeeze before smiling with all his might and letting out more laughter. Taemin joins him with his own choking chuckles and crescent moon eyes... The sound of their happiness fills the air, floating off into the atmosphere like pixie dust joining the starry sky. Kibum has to admit he does feel like he’s dreaming now—maybe he is, but he doesn’t care. All he wants is to keep being by ’s side...

Before they know it however, this dreamy state comes to an end when a bright light flashes on their faces—an approaching car has finally pulled into the parking lot. The sudden light startles them both and Kibum jumps up in surprise, making them release each other’s grip quickly. He realizes with this sudden movement that he’s actually a lot more tipsy than he had thought, tripping over his own feet and struggling to stay still the moment he stands…

“Just stay seated, hyung.” Taemin says out of nowhere, “I’ll put out the fire and see if I can speak with them.” He finishes, helping Kibum’s balance by placing a hand on his back. He helps walk Kibum to the car (without him needing any, but Kibum keeps quiet to feel Taemin’s hand rest lightly on him anyway…). When Kibum is seated in the passenger side, he closes the door and automatically takes his phone from the cup holders; he had left it in the car when they first arrived and didn’t even think of it until now... He’s missing the Instagram photoshoot of a lifetime right now! Luckily, he still has enough battery percentage to take a few snapshots… but when he looks through the pictures, he thinks they don’t do the sky any justice. He pouts at his phone, looking back and forth from it to the stars just to compare—it looked pretty, but not as spectacular as it did in person.

Kibum sighs to himself as he settles into his seat. He accepts the fact that it is just the reality of taking pictures sometimes… He only hopes that whoever sees these photos of him can see how special they are. They say a picture tells a thousand words, and Kibum thinks that’s true—he even thinks these can tell even more than that... He really hopes the stars in these photos make those who see them feel just as breathless as he does when he stares off into them like at this very moment… He feels sorry they can’t see it in person. He feels sorry they can’t come out here and experience such a sight. Or be with the man who brought him here, a person he has known for such a large span of his life, his own band member too… He feels sorry for anyone who doesn’t know Lee Taemin, the most curious and observant person he has ever known; he is the most fun and daring too. Kibum is so lucky to know him, he is so happy to have him in his life. He’ll never forget this day…

Taemin returns, throwing the door open in surprise. Kibum breaks out of his trance and looks at him—he is smiling as always. “Good news, the people who stopped by say there’s actually a small town about an hour away going south… I think we have enough gas just to make it! Once we get there, we can pump some more, buy you a charger from the mart, and hopefully find a motel. You can text everyone we're okay once we get wifi... I'm sure they're worried sick... And we can also find a proper way back in the morning!” He moves down to pull the lever that pops the trunk open. Kibum takes a deep breath in, feeling relieved from the news; Taemin’s plan worked after all, who would’ve thought?

“So, we’re leaving already?” asks Kibum, feeling a bit sad at the idea.

“It’s better now before it gets late… Let me pack up the stuff, hold on a second.”

“Did you really come up with all this on your own?” Kibum chuckles as a last minute tease when Taemin starts to walk away. Taemin doesn’t say a thing back, but Kibum knows he heard him… From the rear view mirror, Kibum sees Taemin throw the ice chest and blankets in the trunk, slamming it down harshly before running back over to his open seat. He makes himself comfortable and both of them reach over to buckle their seat belts—Taemin starts the car without a word, backing up in an instant.

Kibum doesn’t say a thing either, and continues to look up into the sky now that Taemin is back out on the road. It looks completely different from how it did during the day, and although Kibum can’t see the terrain as well, he doesn’t care. The stars and moon are all he needs at this moment, and they even look more enchanting now as they stay frozen in the sky despite driving... All together, Kibum thinks this is his ideal land of dreams and fantasy… He wonders if he’ll ever get the chance to come see the Californian desert like this again. If anything, maybe he'll go on a road trip like this in Korea, and see what other things await for him in the starry sky there... He cautiously looks over to his right and sees Taemin there without fail—he looks just as focused as he was when they first left in the daytime, with tiny hands gripping the wheel and a focused gaze on the road...

“Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with Minho, or out stranded in a car out in the middle of nowhere with Taemin driving?” 

Kibum remembers Stacy's words like before, like déjà vu hitting him all over again... This time, however, he has no doubts in his mind over his answer... He takes this time to once again stare at Taemin's beautiful features; he takes in all the soft curves of his pretty face as if it were his very first time... He belongs with stars, Kibum thinks, he really does.

In a huff, Kibum feels like he’s about to float away from his seat, butterflies beating wildly in his stomach the longer he stares… He accepts defeat to them and curses himself for allowing so, but something in him just can't stop it anymore... Taemin drives him crazy, and he wants more. He wants to turn around to the rest stop, he almost doesn’t want this night to end anymore—he can’t even remember why he was so upset just a few hours ago... He wishes now that they had gotten lost, why do they have to go back? He wants to continue his time with Taemin, and listen to him talk until the end of time... Can’t they just keep driving on to see the world and only each other? It feels almost too melancholy to Kibum remembering that it can’t be a reality.

“Taemin.” Kibum calls out quietly, unsure if Taemin can even hear him over the loud buzz of the car… But he does, and takes a quick look, nodding in Kibum’s direction to alert him he’s listening. “Thank you for today.” He sighs with a smile, and Taemin smiles warmly back at his gesture.

“Anytime, hyung.”

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