remember when i said im gonna update in a week, well yeah sorry but life has been a little hectic these past few days, and also, lot of d&e things to catch up so .... 

Yes, he knew that. He knew that more than anyone else. He knew he needs to move on. He knew nothing would change, he would never come back to him. He knew he was just wasting his time crying for someone who obviously didn’t care about him at all. He knew he was just wasting his time crying for him.

Him.

Choi Siwon.

Yes, that’s the person he needed to move on from.

Remember in second year of middle school, he had a crush on someone? His senior to be exact. Yes, that senior was Choi Siwon. The definition of perfect. Well, at least in Hyukjae’s eyes. It all started after Hyukjae’s senior night. Siwon updated on his social media asking for everyone to pray for him and his basketball team, they had a big match the day after. Hyukjae was being nice and also was trying his luck back then so he messaged Siwon, wishing him ‘good luck’ with a smile emoji and telling him he knows the older will do well.

And yes, he did. His team won the game and Siwon also won the ‘Best Player’ title that day. Siwon thanked him, saying he definitely couldn’t do it without Hyukjae’s last night’s goodluck. A little flirt here and there going on between them since then. Siwon texting him every day, every minute, every hour, just to talk about silly things. Unimportant things. Like what people who are in love do. Which Hyukjae thought they were. And then they started going out. People who knew he had a crush on Siwon congratulated him, saying his 2 years of waiting was finally over.

He was so happy. To finally have someone you had a crush on for two years as your boyfriend felt like a dream comes true for him. He told Siwon how in love he was with the older boy from the moment they first met. He told Siwon his deepest secret. He gave Siwon his first kiss. He even promised to himself he would do anything for the older, as long as it makes Siwon happy. Anything for the older.

But unfortunately, the older boy didn’t feel the same towards him. Everything was just a lie. A perfect lie. Siwon left him after their second monthsary. Without explanation. Without even saying “Lets break up”. Nothing. And the next thing he knew was Siwon found someone else. Well, to be exact, Siwon found someone else while they were still in a relationship. While Hyukjae thought Siwon loves him. While Hyukjae thought Siwon only thinks of him. Yes, Siwon cheated.

He cried for days. Even fell sick because of too much crying. And the fact that he just moved into a new school, having no friend and just himself made it a lot worse. He called Kyuhyun every night. Just to cry to him. About Siwon.

His new friends thought he was homesick. Because he kept crying. They did everything they could to help him. To forget about home. He just went along with them. Didn’t have the energy to tell them the truth.

And a few months later, after a lot of tears he wasted for him, after many nights spent crying, he finally felt alive again. He finally found a reason to smile again. All thanks to his new friends’ hard work. And Kyuhyun’s.

You said it was love and I just laughed,

I didn’t know anything like a fool.

So when Myunghee told him to accept Donghae’s feeling for him, and maybe try to like him back, he just laughed. Saying he will try. But he promised nothing.

He didn’t want to promise anything.

Because deep down he’s afraid. Afraid of getting hurt again.

But it felt nice to know someone likes him. It felt nice to know someone has a crush on him. Just like how he used to have a crush on Siwon.

It definitely felt nice, really nice.

Hyukjae and Donghae continued to become close friend after his conversation that night with Myunghee. But he didn’t tell Donghae anything. Like how he promised to Myunghee. They went out together sometimes, with other friends as company. Because Myunghee told him that Donghae was too shy to go out with just him. And their conversation last longer than before. Full of laughter and jokes, both from him and Donghae. And sometimes he flirts, just to see Donghae’s reaction.

But Hyukjae still didn’t want to promise anything. Because deep down, he didn’t even knew what he felt for Donghae.