But sometimes you have to go
Trade your heart for bones
To know you need to come back home, come back home

It’s been three years since the death of Suho and our anniversary.

It has been three years since I went to Thailand.

After I came back to Seoul, I realized a lot of things about myself. I realized that I liked reading books—and not those self-improvement books Suho used to fill our apartment with, but fiction. I liked reading about romance, spies, war… I went through countless books in the past years.

I began to do things on my own. I went to restaurants on my own, watched movies on my own, went to parties to meet strangers, and made new friends. Today was no different and I woke up to get myself a coffee, a framed drawing of me and Fullsun on a table by the bed. I smiled like I usually did when I was reminded of those times and sighed.

I took half a day off today because I had to go to the cemetery. I also had a plan to quit my job. It seemed like a building that I was trying to sell off for a very long time had suddenly gone off the market and was sold. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. To sell that building was a career goal.

I wanted to do what I did three years ago.

I wanted to drop everything and travel again for a while.

As I sipped my coffee, I went to pick up the flowers that I would bring to Suho’s grave. I got into my car and hummed a small song. My heart no longer hurt when I thought of Suho, but I found myself finding comfort in my isolation. After I parked my car, I walked over to Suho’s grave by the tree, forget-me-not's in my hand when I stopped.

Someone has been here, I noticed.

By Suho’s grave was a sunflower. It wasn’t in a bouquet, it was a single flower laid against his grave. I frowned, wondering it would have been Sehun or Kai who came but I remembered that they weren’t in Korea.

“Probably Baekhyun or Chanyeol,” I whispered to myself as I walked closer to his grave, laying the flowers by the stone. My fingers reached over to adjust the sunflower so it leaned against my bouquet before I spoke softly.

“Not a day goes by where I don’t miss you,” I said to no one, smiling to myself. “And not a day goes by where I don’t thank life for your existence. Happy anniversary, love.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I worked for a real estate cooperation. The Kim’s were famous for being real estate monsters and the middle child of the family I worked for was Kim Doyoung. He was a gentleman and a great boss, always handling business affairs with the profession. His sister though was a different breed.

I walked in on Kim Doyoung’s sister screaming into the phone, her voice ringing throughout her brother’s office. Doyoung sat behind the desk and he sat up, seeing me.

“LEE HAECHAN?” she screeched. “He’s back? In Korea? Oh, Unnie! You’re here! Oh my god, I am going to get engaged to Lee Haechan!”

I frowned. That name was familiar but I had no idea where I heard it before. The younger female was losing her mind and she was known to be a very energetic bunny. She was a vet and every time I saw her; she was always running off somewhere.

“Getting engaged to Lee Haechan?” I asked even though I didn’t know who he was. “Aren’t you dating Jeno though?”

“YES! Exactly!” she rattled. “Oh my god, I have to run! Oppa, Oppa, Oppa, Oppa! Give me your wallet, I need to go buy food to feed a stray cat. This is not okay! I need to call and tell Jeno that my parents are trying to marry me off… Oh. Oh. I can just elope!”

“Calm down.” Kim Doyoung said to his sister before handing her a bill. His sister jumped forward and pecked him on the cheek before she zoomed out of the office. Doyoung watched as she left, shaking his head. “Can you imagine my sister dating someone like Jeno? He’s so calm and she’s so…. Her.”

I chuckled.

“I mean, I know she’s a vet but then sometimes I think she’s the animal,” Doyoung said before motioning me to sit down. “I want to congratulate you on selling the building. It’s been a while and that building wasn’t at the best location so the fact that you sold it was pretty remarkable.”

“I mean, it was lower than the market price,” I told him, leaning back against the chair. “But I don’t remember actually showing the building to anyone recently. Was it an old buyer?”

“The person who called to buy the building was a representative from the Lee Enterprises,” Doyoung said, pausing. “I’m wondering if the corporation buying the building has something to do with the return of Lee Haechan. You know him, don’t you?”

I shook my head. I knew of the Lee Enterprises, of course. But I knew nothing of their names or how they looked like. Doyoung jerked his head to the article on the first page of the newspaper. In the front were the headlines:

“Lee Haechan, back for good?”

And below that was a photo of a man who was wearing a cap and a mask so I couldn’t see his face but I guessed that it would be Lee Haechan.

“Your sister is getting engaged to Haechan?” I asked, remembering what Kim Doyoung’s sister was saying when I entered the office. “How’s she going to get engaged to him when she’s dating Jeno?”

“No idea. She has a plan though.” Doyoung replied, not seeming worried. “Besides, Jeno and Haechan know each other. Jeno grew up with him. He was the son of the head maid in Haechan’s mansion so he stayed in the Lee house growing up until Haechan decided to travel the world a few years back.”

“Ah. I wish your sister luck.” I said and Doyoung nodded. “I’m here to also tell you that I’m here to quit my job.”

“What? So suddenly?” Doyoung frowned. “Is it because we’re not paying—”

“No, no. Of course not. I was thinking of going to travel. I saved enough to travel for a good three months and if I have to come back and work again, I will.” I told Doyoung who nodded.

I was working nonstop for a good three years and I needed time off for myself. I had to put myself first.

“Of course. I understand. Well, if you ever need to come back to work—KK Real Estate is always going to be here for you.” Doyoung said. “I’m not going to ask you to sign a contract if resignation. We’ve been working together far too long for that.”

“Of course,” I said, smiling at him. “Thank you, Doyoung.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

That night I began to mark where I should go while packing my clothes. Mellow mus