But pain is beautiful, it's same as you

Ultimately (결국)
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The MNET Asian Music Awards is arguably one of the biggest year-end award shows dedicated to Kpop organized by CJ E&M. This year’s 2015 MAMA takes place at AsiaWorld-Expo in Hong Kong and marks the seventeenth show since its first in 1998. The line-up was nothing short of impressive with all the biggest companies and groups slated to make grand entrances and performances.

 

The biggest artists in all of Kpop will make their way down the red carpet starting with the monster rookies Seventeen, MonstaX, and GOT7. Followed by their previous generation of SHINee, f(x), EXO, and finally the veterans of the industry with 2NE1, TTS, and Big Bang. Outside of even these artists alone were extremely notable artists performing such as JYP and PSY. 

 

Rehearsals started early in the morning with the performers’ usual routines that have been developed throughout the years. The enthusiasm could really be seen in the rookies as it was their first time performing in front of such a large audience and in contrast, the confidence and nonchalance that can be seen in the senior groups. With the exception of Taeyeon.

 

This would be the first time that she rehearsed on a large stage without the other members of Girls’ Generation to fill the vast spaces beside her, and the set-up was nothing short of extravagant to mark the success of her solo debut. She was slightly anxious at the thought of all the artists seeing her solo music for the first time, not sure how they’ll all respond to it. Usually there isn’t a whole lot of reaction from groups during award shows in general, but she had expectations to uphold in the industry. 

 

Surprisingly, rehearsals ended up going very well without a hitch considering the giant cloud cut-out that she would have to sit and descend in. It was another elaborate tool to enhance her lackluster solo performance, not that she had much of a say in it. It was weird just standing around singing at a large venue made for extravagant performances with fireworks shooting from the stage. The stress of perfection and impressing the audience was heavy on her shoulders as she pondered whether this song and her singing were enough to be at MAMA, compared to Girls’ Generation or TTS’ usual persona. 

 

Taeyeon breathes a sigh of relief when the director signals for the end of rehearsals, the frenzy of bows and thank yous start ensuing as she makes her way off of the stage. She was sporting a casual outfit that consisted of a gray t-shirt, black cardigan, and jean shorts, emphasizing comfort since she’d have to be in a whole ensemble tomorrow. As she was walking out of the doors that lead to the stage, the Mnet cam catches her for a short interview. 

 

“Oh?! Mnet~” Taeyeon waves at the camera and smiles. “Is this for the OnStyle channel?”

 

“No, this is for Mnet’s channel.” The cameraman states. 

 

“That’s strange.” She jokes as she pretends to walk away from the camera that follows her. 

 

“We have a question for you!”

 

“Yes!”

 

“You are doing the opening performance which is very cool.” Taeyeon nods. “How do you feel?”

 

“MAMA is known for putting a lot of effort into the opening performance.” She says as she waves her hands in circular motion in an attempt to gather her words. “So I am honored that I get to have the opening stage as my performance. And I do feel a little bit of pressure.”

 

“Hanging from the wire wasn’t scary?”

 

Taeyeon shakes her head. “No, it was so much fun. I wish they would hoist me up faster! It was fun.”

 

“The scale of the stage is pretty grand.”

 

She agrees. “But the stage feels familiar to me because I’ve performed here multiple times. We also had an SNSD concert here in the past.”

 

The interviewer points to an area behind her on the wall. “They displayed that concert picture over there.”

 

She turns. “Oh yes, you’re right!” Taeyeon clasps her hands together and looks excitedly. “Is there another question? If there’s none I’m going~.” She half jokes and pretends to leave again. 

 

The interviewer laughs in the background. “The stage concept!”

 

“Eh? Ahhhh the stage concept...is?” What the heck is her stage concept? Her mind was blanking.

 

She rubs her hands together in thought. “The stage concept is...to use all the stage equipment we can get! A ‘giving it all we got’ concept, but making sure it matches with ‘I’.”

 

“Because it is the opening performance, the sound is very impressive. Especially with the supporting vocalists.”

 

Taeyeon nods in agreement and appreciation. “There was a lot of effort put into the soundtrack. We had an orchestra add to the sound and by amplifying the supporting vocalists’ voices, we made a fuller and more abundant sound.” She ends her explanation with her arms spread out to express some excitement. It was hard doing solo interviews without her members and she was feeling the awkwardness. 

 

“I mean it was made, not by me!” She giggles. 

 

“Do you feel lonely without the members?”

 

If only they knew. She felt like a fish out of water having to do everything on her own, always concerned about whether she was able to entertain her audience. She was naturally more introverted but was able to mask it when she was with the girls, giving a false impression that she was outgoing. However the public didn’t need to know that.

 

“It is actually my first time here by myself, but the rest of the members ‘TS’ are arriving tomorrow so I am relieved. I wish they’d hurry up and come because I feel really awkward. HA.” She laughs nervously. This could not get anymore embarrassing.

 

“Lastly, we’ll end with some words for your fans.”

 

Ah, finally. She internally sighs in relief. “Please be excited for the 2015 MAMA Awards! I hope to keep performing at MAMA in the future for you guys. Thank you~.” She waves both her hands at the camera and slowly starts making her escape before they can ask her any more questions. 

 

As she starts walking away, she breathes out a sigh of relief as she is able to finish the interview. Before she’s able to get far, she makes immediate but brief eye contact with the very person that was haunting her mind just a month ago. The same person she dreaded potentially running into.

 

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There’s a stinging sensation radiating through his head as Jiyong makes his way down the infinite hallways of AsiaWorld-Expo. Big Bang was next up in dress rehearsal for tomorrow evening’s performance and the pressure was creeping up on him. They were one of the closing acts of the show riding on the success of their album, so there were certain expectations that had to be met. He was trying to keep his mind as blank as possible in order to stay focused. He struts down the backstage hallways at a casual pace, people watching and bowing his head to staff and artists when necessary. As he makes a turn into the hallway outside of the entrance onto the stage, he stops as he notices someone filming an interview. 

 

That someone being his supposed rumored girlfriend according to South Korean Media.

 

SNSD’s Kim Taeyeon.

 

He really shouldn’t be shocked to see her considering the lineup that was released long ago, but something about seeing her physically in front of him is jarring. His heart and brain aren’t sure how to process the image.

 

Despite how small this industry is, there are never opportunities to cross paths, but it’s especially weirder considering the rumors that arose from a month ago. He didn’t even have time to process it past the one night that he stalked her instagram. Needless to say, it’s slightly hitting him now. 

 

She’s in the middle of a solo interview for her fans, no doubt, and her body language was kind of awkward, almost like she wasn’t used to it. Very relatable. He strangely found it extremely endearing though. She was awkwardly waving her arms around and forcing laughs after answering. Nothing about the interview was structured or eloquent.

 

Instead of making his way towards the stage where he was supposed to be for rehearsal, he unknowingly decides to lean against the wall of the hallway he was in, arms crossed, observing her. No implications or consequences of openly observing her in public was running through his mind, not that he usually cares about how people choose to view him. Just a strong gravitational pull keeping his feet glued to

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positivelyadverse
Hello all, it's been so long. I am terrible T-T. But for those that have stuck around or are new here, thank you for giving a piece of my heart some love. Till next time~

Comments

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windflower01
#1
Chapter 3: Yay!! That was so detailed and it made me miss gtae even more. Thanks for the update. Hope you are doing well.
Lemonesky #2
Chapter 3: Omg, finally. Please take care and update for next 😭🥺🙏🏻🙆🏻‍♀️
Catrencan9
#3
still waitin for the new chapter 🧡🧡🧡
camylleval #4
Chapter 2: thank you so much for the update, i love this story and your writing is really good, can’t wait for the next random update haha
lalalavieenrose
#5
Chapter 1: New reader here!!!! AAAAA where's the next button??😭
leegiieyeon
#6
yayayay~ another gtae story to look forward to.. :)
bellagrabel #7
Chapter 1: please continue authornim
crookedgemini #8
omg im looking forward to this, been wanting something new lately!
no_face #9
Chapter 1: This is kinda interesting,, excited for the next chap,, please update soon authornim,, 😇
Ivett15
#10
Chapter 1: Hi! I woke up today feeling like I wanted to read a Tae´s story so it was really lucky for me to found your story right away, please continue no matter how much you take (hope no a lot of time though) see u soon!