“Unnie,”

 

“Yes?” Irene replies gently as she lay with her sister on the huge balcony, the two of them watching the night skies as the darkened clouds shifted above them, slowly making their way around the earth's ceiling.

 

“Have you ever fallen in love with someone?” The younger asks, and Irene laughs aloud at the irony of the question, as it was just yesterday she discussed with her girlfriend regarding when the hell Wonyoung was going to start dating.

 

“Oh? Seems like someone has been having fun while I was away,” Irene teases, and her sister blushes furiously, slapping her older sister lightly.

 

“Not too much fun unnie- I’ve still been studying and attending classes,”

 

“Pssht- falling in love doesn’t mean having to suddenly conquer the whole world at 16,” Irene tells, wanting to make sure her sister doesn’t do anything reckless in the name of love.

 

“It means feeling like you own the world even if you’ve only conquered your backyard,” Irene says softly, and the younger chuckles at this.

 

“First dates in the backyard sounds like fun,” she says with a giddy smile, and Irene chuckles.

 

“You’re at the age where anything is fun,” Irene rolls her eyes playfully, and silence engulfs them again, neither of them having an idea of what to say.

 

Vintage tee, brand new phone

High heels on cobblestones

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

Sequin smile, black lipstick

Sensual politics

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

 

“I have,” Irene suddenly says, after realising she hadn’t answered the question yet.

 

“Really? When?” the younger Bae sits up, her ears perking at the answer.

 

“A few years ago, when I was younger,”

 

“You’re still young unnie,” she replies with a chuckle, but Irene shakes her head.

 

“Things were different back then,”

 

——

 

“Hi,” the short haired woman sat nicely in front of Joohyun, a sheepish smile on her lips as she fiddled with the phone in her hands, the timidity of the lady making Irene tilt her head the slightest bit. She was wearing a sleeveless vintage shirt, the grungy theme of her outfit contrasting with the soft look she wore on her face.

 

A strange character— untrustworthy until further notice.

 

“Hi, I’m Irene- how can I help you today?” Joohyun said as she adjusted her glasses, glancing at the clock on her desktop, holding back a smile when she found that she only had one hour before her shift ended.

 

“So uh- I bought this new phone- but uh- it’s not turning on,” the stranger says awkwardly, handing Irene the phone, the older quickly inspecting it.

 

“Seriously? That’s so weird,” Irene says casually, turning it around, trying to turn it on as one would normally do. Yet her efforts were to no avail, even when charged, nothing popped up on the black screen.

 

“Yeah- it worked fine at the store but I brought it back and it refused to turn on,” she explained, and Joohyun nodded in understanding, deciding to set the phone aside.

 

“You haven’t used it at all right?”

 

“Right,”

 

“Then we’ll just replace it with a new phone then,” Irene concludes, and her patron nods slowly.

 

“No extra payments?” she asks, and Joohyun nods.

 

“No, you still have the warranty right?”

 

“Yeah,” she nods and Irene gestures for her to wait in her seat while she fetched her a new phone, taking note of the colour and model of the current one.

 

Who on earth buys a blue phone?

 

“Here’s the new one,” Irene says with the new box in hand, handing it over to its future owner.

 

“Thank you,” the grunge softy says, slowly unpacking the box to take a quick look at the new phone, mostly to make sure that it would turn on this time.

 

“Is it alright?” Irene asks after a few minutes, the customer scrolling through the brand new phone.

 

“One problem I think,” she says, and Irene an eyebrow, inching foreward to see what the issue was.

 

“It doesn’t have your number in it,”

 

——

 

“It’s kind of cringey if you put it on paper,” Irene chuckles as she recalls, her sister groaning in second hand embarrassment at how her sister could fall for someone that ridiculous.

 

“But I had to give it to her- given the time and place- it was pretty smooth,”

 

——

 

But I knew you

Dancing in your Levi's

Drunk under a streetlight,

I knew you

Hand under my sweatshirt

Baby kiss it better, right

 

“A bar really?” Irene complains over the loud music as Wendy sends a loopy smile.

 

“You hate bars too?” Wendy asks, clearly shocked at this revelation, Irene sliding into the cramped booth with the younger, running her hands through her hair.

 

“Yeah? They’re loud and smelly,”

 

“Then why’d you agree to meet up here?” Wendy questions, and Irene’s mouth opens and closes, not really having a direct answer for the question.

 

“I- uh- didn’t want to be rude,” Irene says awkwardly, but to be honest, it was because she thought Wendy liked bars- her outfit during their first meeting screamed ‘bar girl’ right?

 

Joohyun…

 

“Do you want to leave?” Wendy asks, suddenly taking Irene’s hand, and Irene thinks for a few seconds, though she already knows the answer.

 

“Please?”

 

——

 

“Glad we got out of that dump,” Seungwan says casually, hands clasped behind her back as they made their way through the night on the college grounds, Irene’s bag slung on Wendy’s shoulder.

 

“Me too,” Irene says awkwardly, and Wendy lets out an equally as awkward string of laughter.

 

“We’re a bit of the awkward pair aren’t we?” Wendy points out, and Irene takes a moment to look at the both them, how they walked, how they dressed.

 

“Visually or just- in general?” Irene asks, because either way, the statement worked- Wendy looked like some sort of wannabe skater girl, while Irene looked as preppy as ever- yet another clichè Irene had seen countless times before.

 

Though something about Wendy- it just didn’t feel clichè.

 

“Both perhaps,” Wendy says casually, shrugging.

 

“How's your phone?” Irene says, putting an effort to continue their conversation.

 

“Better now, that it has your number,” Wendy says with a certain amount of grease that makes Irene chuckle, rolling her eyes.

 

“It won’t work as well if you have my number but won’t ever call me,” Irene points out with a tinge of sass, and Wendy wiggles her finger from side to side, shaking her head in protest.

 

“Texting is better than calling,” Wendy says word by word, and Irene pursues her lips, because indeed, texting was better than calling.

 

“I do have to agree with that,”

 

“So mint chocolate or no?” Wendy asks swiftly, an eyebrow cocked at the older woman.

 

“Oh so is this turning into twenty questions with Son Seungwan?”

 

“You’re avoiding the question,”

 

“Mint chocolate doesn’t deserve all the hate,” Irene voices out, and Seungwan squints her eyes, trying to put her finger on the statement.

 

“Respect I guess— respect,” Seungwan says, nodding slowly, though Irene can see the disagreement on her face.

 

“What do you major in?” It’s Irene’s turn to ask, and Wendy taking a moment to reply.

 

“Physics,”

 

“Minor?”

 

“Music,” Wendy replies firmly, and Irene is taken aback- she’s never met a physics nerd who enjoyed music.

 

“Do you dance?”

 

“I dance- but not well,” Wendy jokes, and Joohyun has to nod in understanding.

 

“You?”

 

“Major tech- minor history,” Irene replies quickly, them walking closer and closer to yet another bar in the vicinity.

 

“History?”

 

“My sisters favourite subject,” Irene explains, and Wendy is confused as to why she’d take her sisters favourite subject and not hers- but Irene answers before she can ask.

 

“So I can teach her,”

 

“That’s sweet,” Wendy says with a caring smile, and Irene reciprocates it- it’s been a while since someone looked at her like that. Between stacks upon stacks of assignments and her job, ‘human interaction’ wasn’t a big thing in Joohyun’s life at the moment.

 

“Music,” Wendy suddenly says, and Irene hears it, the faded guitar from the bar they were approaching.

 

“Surf,” Wendy says, clearly, but with no apparent purpose nor context.

 

“The song,” Wendy clarifies, and Irene nods, bopping her head to the addictive beat.

 

“It’s my favourite song from the album,” Wendy says as she suddenly stops, still a distance away from the bar- but still capable of listening to the booming music.

 

Wendy starts moving from side to side as the rap starts, mouthing the singer’s words, her movements mirroring a ferret’s dance, making Irene giggle at how awkwardly flexible Wendy was. She raises her hands, her movements offbeat, but cute nevertheless.

 

Irene suddenly finds herself moving with the younger, the rap ending as they just swayed under the dim lit street light, trying their best to match the beat- but just enjoying the music at the very end, not caring if they looked possessed to the total of three pedestrians on the college roads.

 

“We look drunk,” Irene jokes as she laughs, Wendy getting more jelly-like as the song progressed.

 

“At least we're not in a packed bar,” Wendy says with a shrug, a loopy smile never leaving her lips as she sunk into the beat of the music, Irene only following the music minor’s silly dance.

 

Wendy holds out her hand, and Irene takes it without question- and all of a sudden, she’s being spun around like a disney princess, which had nothing to do with the song- and it was making her dizzy- but above all, it was making her happy.

 

When the song stops, so do the couple, out of breath as they try to rest their spinning heads, Wendy leaning against the street light as Joohyun fell into her embrace, letting out little giggles at how silly the situation at hand was at the moment.

 

Two fools.

 

Were they in love?

 

Maybe.

 

Irene laughs aloud at the thought of being in love with a person who’d given her a ridiculously cheesy pick up line and a broken phone the first time they’d met. She thinks it’s silly, but love was always the silliest.

 

“Why are you laughing?” Wendy asks after catching her breath, the two parting from each other

 

“This is dumb- that’s why,”

 

“Well then”

 

“Same time next week?” Wendy asks, hope glinting in the warmth of her eyes, and despite the cold wind of fall, Irene felt warm all over, as if Seungwan were her personal heater, warming her up from the inside.

 

“Sure,” Irene says, completely sure of her decision. Perhaps, she even kept the intention to want to see the younger every day.

 

“Let’s not meet at the bar this time,”

 

——

 

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

A friend to all is a friend to none

Chase two girls, lose the one

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

 

Day by day, Irene starts to figure Wendy out.

 

She finds that the physics major was quite popular in the college, as the stories of her out and about with the ‘mysterious beauty’, Bae Irene on a Saturday night start to spread.

 

Apparently, there were also rumours about her and the exchange student- Roseanne Park going out together on Friday night, immediately after Seungwan’s soccer game that evening.

 

A physics major who likes music and plays soccer.

 

A strange character indeed.

 

Wendy still, very much, piqued her interest.

 

Their once a week meetings became twice a week- after finding that both their majors involved a rather heavy amount of mathematics, they’d formed a study duo, and today, for some odd reason, Wendy has invited her to a random sidewalk on the street.

 

“What are we doing here? There are no tables, no chairs, where are we going to study?” Irene asks, confusion written all over her face.

 

“Hold my hand,” Seungwan orders, holding out her hand, and Irene feels her heart flutter- because what? She didn’t think Seungwan would take the date in study date seriously.

 

“Hold my hand Hyun,” Seungwan requests again, less demanding, more gentle this time.

 

Joohyun does as told despite shaking her head, and with their hands clasped together, Wendy pulls the IT major up the hill next to the sidewalk, and Joohyun is even more confused than the usual with Seungwan, but she follows her, up to the very top of the hill.

 

Though honestly speaking, she would follow her anywhere.

 

And she’s glad she does, because it’s beautiful up there.

 

The sun was beginning to set, and the city lights were starting to flicker on one by one, and Joohyun smiles.

 

“Do you like it?” Seungwan asks, and Irene nods.

 

“I found it freshman year,” Seungwan says. “I was running from finals- then I found this place,” Wendy says, pulling Irene to the very edge of the top of the hill, where a wooden bench and a table was set up.

 

“You built this?” Joohyun asks, gliding her hand against the smooth wood, carefully to avoid any splinters.

 

“Last week,” Seungwan says, and she puts her bag aside and sits on the bench that faced the sunset, and Irene follows suit, enjoying the light breeze and the pure silence that the unhidden hideout provided.

 

Then Irene’s mind starts to wander. About the rumours and so called scandals circulating Seungwan. About that Roseanne girl and about some girl named Jieun and what her friends whisper about whenever she mentions Wendy.

 

Wendy brings her back to earth.

 

“Eat,” Seungwan says, sliding a beef burger infront of her, and she unwraps it quickly, chewing the little edges of the burger almost immediately.

 

“Well someone’s hungry,”

 

“I just climbed up a hill,” Irene deadpans with half full, and Seungwan chuckles, leaving the two back in their silence and serenity, only to sounds of chewing and faded traffic audible to them.

 

Then her mind starts travelling again. Has Roseanne sat here before? Has she seen the same view? Did she see the view whilst holding Seungwan’s hand? Did they make out on this very hill? Did Wendy bring all the pretty girls here?

 

Was she just another pretty girl?

 

“Is it true?” Joohyun asks aloud, because the silence was eating her alive. She bites into her burger once more, at the place Wendy claimed only she knew.

 

“What?”

 

“That you take all the pretty girls here?” Irene asks with a jealous undertone, but Seungwan only chuckles.

 

“You’re quite the jealous type for someone who isn’t even my girlfriend yet,” Seungwan says, and Irene laughs aloud, because it’s so unexpected yet expected for the Son Seungwan to be this forward with her.

 

“Yet?”

 

“Next topic,” Seungwan clicks her tongue, but Irene wants to know all about the pretty girls.

 

“What other hotspots do you bring the pretty girls?” Irene asks, cocking an eyebrow.

 

“My bed,”

 

“How long more ‘til I end up in your bed?”

 

“I don’t know— I’ve never been with a beautiful girl before,”

 

“I will never be sure if you’re just being cheesy for show— or you’re just naturally cheesy,”

 

“I think charming is the word you’re looking for,”

 

“Yeah sure, if that feeds your little soccer playgirl ego,”

 

“It’s more of who’s saying it than what’s being said,”

 

“You like me complimenting you?”

 

“I like you,”

 

“Do you?”

 

“I could never lie to you,”

 

“Why do you like me? Because I’m not like other girls?”

 

“Because you’re Bae Joohyun,” Seungwan grabs her hand, desperate to convince this woman that she was so much more than just the IT major from Jeju.

 

“We’re all really just average people- walk down the street and you can find five other Bae Joohyun’s,” Irene pauses. “Just like me,” Irene says, absolutely sure of her words, and Seungwan’s head spins- because she doesn’t know why, but she needs Irene to know that she was special, that she was important.

 

“You’re right,” Seungwan says, nodding in agreement.

 

“We’re all average people,” Seungwan says, squeezing Joohyun’s hand.

 

“But if that’s the case then—”

 

“You’re my favourite average person,”

 

But I knew you

Playing hide-and-seek and

Giving me your weekends

I, I knew you

Your heartbeat on the High Line

Once in twenty lifetimes, I—

 

“You did it!” Seungwan cheers as Irene nuzzles her face into Wendy’s neck, smiling from ear to ear.

 

“We did it,” Irene reminds, and Seungwan smiles a loopy smile, pulling Joohyun close.

 

“We did it,” Wendy smiles as the people around them celebrate their graduation day with lovers and families, smiles all over as they screamed and shouted out of joy, the dean overlooking it all on the top of the stage.

 

A year later, and they’d done it together.

 

“I’m glad I did it with you,” Seungwan says with a smirk, kissing Irene’s forehead softly.

 

“Wan!” Mark, a close friend of Wendy calls, and she turns slightly.

 

“Were gonna get some drinks! Wanna come?” Mark asks, glints of hope in his eyes.

 

“Not really up for it today Markie,” Wendy says softly, and Mark frowns, but he nods nevertheless.

 

“See you around then Wan,” Mark says, walking away from the couple with a quick wave.

 

“You? Turning down a drinking fest with your fellow foreigners?” Irene says in an over exaggerated tone of shock.

 

“I just— wanna be with you,” Wendy says, and the genuinity and softness in her tone earns her a quick peck on the lips from the ex-IT major.

 

“Do you wanna go to the hill?” Irene asks, because this was the last day they’d be living nearby the hill, and it may even be the last chance they do get to lay there.

 

Together.

 

“Let’s get some burgers first,”

 

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

 

“Don’t you think we're going too fast?” Irene asks as they lay on the grass on the top of the hill, silence and serenity engulfing the pair, who were snuggled in each other’s arms, their graduation hats resting above their heads.

 

“We’re not fast- time just is,”

 

“We’re just right,” Seungwan assures, and Irene can’t help but believe her- because Seungwan could never lie.

 

Not to Joohyun, no.

 

“Would you stop time if you could?”

 

For you?

 

“I’d do everything if I could,” Wendy says, and Irene is very much pleased with her answer, because she too, woul do everything if she could.

 

“Am I still your favourite average person?” Irene asks, because though she always felt secure around Seungwan— she felt most secure when she knew that she was Wendy’s favourite.

 

“How do I convince you to believe that you’re not an average person?” Seungwan’s answer differed that day, and Irene’s eyebrows rose, questioning the foreign answer.

 

“Why are you so adamant on convincing me that I’m extraordinary?” Irene answers back, as they always did with eachother, the two constantly going back and forth.

 

“I just got a degree for studying the moon, the stars and the galaxies and yet I’ve never seen anything in the galaxy as extraordinary as you,”

 

“Believe me Bae Joohyun,” Seungwan says, squeezing Joohyun’s hand, moving forward to lean her forehead against Irene’s.

 

“You’re not just my favourite average person,”

 

“You’re my favourite extraordinary being,”

 

To kiss in cars and downtown bars

Was all we needed

You drew stars around my scars

But now I'm bleeding

 

Going grocery shopping on Christmas eve was not Joohyun’s brightest idea.

 

“Seoul is so ing cold- and for what?” Joohyun curses as she tries to balance her groceries in one hand and shove her phone into her bag with the other.

 

“If you’re so cold- wear a jacket silly,” a voice from home says, and Irene drops her groceries, turning to the voice to see none other than Son Seungwan, standing in front of her with her hands in her jean pockets.

 

“Wan!” Irene exclaims out of sheer happiness as she wraps her arms around the younger’s neck, giving her a longing kiss on the lips.

 

Wendy had been in Canada for the past two weeks, and promised to be back 4 days after Christmas, to which Joohyun frowned upon, as she initially thought Wendy would miss Christmas with her in Seoul, but here she was- kissing her on Christmas Eve.

 

“Hi,” Wendy says awkwardly after the kiss ends, Irene still latching on to her, not caring if anyone stared.

 

“How’d you even get here? Why didn’t you tell me? Who picked you up?”

 

“It’s all good— me and my family came back for a while, they have some business here to settle,” Seungwan explains, Irene finally latching off, Seungwan quickly reacting by picking the bag of groceries off the sidewalk, tugging them nicely in her grasp.

 

“Business?”

 

“Eh you know, family stuff, old wills,” Wendy brushes the topic off, and Joohyun is just happy to have her here, Wendy swiftly wrapping her jacket around Irene’s shoulder’s, Irene very much enjoying the warmth and scent it emitted.

 

“Let’s go home then?” Irene asks, smiling softly at her favourite.

 

I’m already here.

 

——

 

“She was Canadian?” The youngster asks, eyes glinting with excitement at the little love story.

 

“The most Canadian person I ever met- other than Mark of course,” Irene tells.

 

“Did you ever go there with her? Eat those maple syrup snow thing-a-majiggy’s? Ride a horse?” She asks with pure excitement, and Irene chuckles at the mention of horse riding, but she frowns after, because god.

 

She missed Seungwan.

 

So she doesn’t tell her sister about the next part.

 

——

 

Irene wished Seungwan had better timing.

 

They were in the car when Seungwan broke that stupid- wretched news to her.

 

“Hyun,” Seungwan says, gripping the steering wheel, her knuckles white from the pressure she put on it.

 

“Yeah?” Irene asks softly, but her heart is trembling from the serious tone Wendy seldom used with anyone.

 

“I need to tell you something,” Wendy says, and under normal circumstances, Irene would make a joke about her forgetting to buy something she’d asked for days ago, but something inside her sensed this wasn’t the time.

 

“What is it?” Irene asks, taking Seungwan’s hand off the wheel, holding it in hers.

 

“I have to go back,” Seungwan says. “To Canada,”

 

Huh?

 

“Yeah? You always go back to Canada,” Irene replies, gripping her hand tighter than before.

 

“I- I can’t come back,” Wendy says, and her eyes are glossy, but it’s not that Irene doesn’t understand, she doesn’t want to.

 

“So? Y-you believe in us right? We can make it long distance,” Joohyun replies, her voice cracking at the end of her sentence.

 

“Hyun,” Wendy says sharply, looking into her eyes, her entire body trembling as she presented the older with the truth.

 

“I’m engaged,”

 

We can’t be together.

 

We have to break up.

 

We should break up.

 

Anything. Anything would’ve been better than- I’m engaged.

 

There’s silence for 5 agonising minutes before Irene finds it in her to speak.

 

“When?” Is all she croaks out, and tears are falling, but she doesn’t make a sound.

 

“Before I came back on Christmas Eve,”

 

“FOUR ING MONTHS AGO?!” Irene snaps, but she’s still gripping onto Seungwan’s hand, because they both know that Irene would never let her go.

 

“I thought I could run,” Seungwan says, her breath becoming erratic from the tears falling from her eyes.

 

“Who?” Irene asks, ignoring Wendy’s statement.

 

“A childhood friend,” Seungwan answers, and Irene is desperately trying to hate her.

 

“The business,” Irene mutters, but Wendy hears every syllable loud and clear. “It was about the wedding right?” Irene connects whatever dots she had at hand, and her heart breaks when Seungwan answers with what she fears most.

 

“Yes,”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Irene asks, sounding like she’d given up.

 

Did you give up on us?

 

“So I wouldn’t have to leave earlier,” Wendy replies, guilt buried within her tone.

 

“If you were going to leave anyways- then why stay?” Irene says, bitter.

 

“Because I never want to give up on us,” Seungwan says, and Irene wants to believe her, because Seungwan could never lie to her.

 

Yet she could always lie to herself.

 

'Cause I knew you

Stepping on the last train

Marked me like a bloodstain, I

I knew you—

Tried to change the ending

Peter losing Wendy

I, I knew you

Leaving like a father

Running like water, I

When you are young, they assume you know nothing.

 

A month without Wendy was like a million years with no summer.

 

Cold.

 

After that day, Irene told her to get out, to go back to whoever the hell she was marrying, to never show her face again.

 

Irene hates the fact that Seungwan always listens.

 

Irene hates that she was right about her doubts with Seungwan, doubts that Wendy herself would put to ease, yet she made her doubt her universe all over again.

 

A strange character— never to be seen again until further notice.

 

Irene gets up from her bed, where she’d been moping almost all month. Roseanne had coaxed her out of her house by forcing her to go job hunting with her, and though Irene already had a job, Rosie guaranteed her she could find a better job, and Irene needs the work.

 

She needs anything to get her mind off Son Seungwan.

 

Yet as she steps onto the train to meet Roseanne, she finds her mind running right back into Seungwan’s arms.

 

Irene hates that she wonder’s about her on the daily. She hates that she wonder’s what her new wife may look like, she hates that she wonder’s how Seungwan treats her. She hates that she wonder’s if Seungwan may miss her, if she’s feeling as cold as she was. Irene wonder’s if she’s still her favourite.

 

She hates the way she wonder’s— though she knows Seungwan will always just be a wonder to her.

 

She hates the way Wendy tries, the way Wendy tried with her despite knowing she’d have to throw it all away soon. If she didn’t try, mayhaps it would’ve been easier for Irene to hate her, to despise her with all her being. To always see Seungwan as the strange character she deemed untrustworthy.

 

But the with the way Wendy treated her, it was only easy to miss her. It was too easy to love her, too hard to leave her.

 

Irene sighs as she grips the pole in the rather empty train, her knuckles going white at the sheer pressure she was putting on them.

 

A sound of clattering footsteps ring through the train, and Irene clicks her tongue at the sound, but when she turns to it’s source, and her heart falls right through the tracks.

 

Son Seungwan.

 

She looks disheveled, she’s sweating like she’s just run a marathon, her face redder than usual, but what makes Irene want to scream is the fact that she was looking at her.

 

With the same eyes that looked at her with love, the same eyes she never wanted to see again.

 

“Why?” Is all Irene manages to say, because her breath is heavy and she feels her stomach begin to swell, her mind flooding with the million possibilities her brain could conjure. Everything hurts, but at the same time, Seungwan was here.

 

Of course everything would feel right.

 

“I have to try,” Seungwan replies, breathless, and Irene has to hold everything in her not to run into her arms, to end the raging in her heart.

 

“It’d be easier if you didn’t,” is what Irene says instead, and she wants to be cold, but she can still feel Seungwan’s warmth, even if they were five feet apart.

 

“I love you.” Seungwan replies, with a period rather than a comma, as if her words were final, unchangeable, permanent.

 

But what did they know?

 

“You can’t,” Irene says and she steps forward, and she gently pushes Seungwan away, and to Irene’s dismay or delight, she’ll never really know, because Wendy steps backwards, slowly, but surely, though her eyes were begging Joohyun to stay, begging Joohyun to try.

 

But was it worth trying if you know you’d fail again?

 

Irene pushes Seungwan out of the train, where the door would seperate them, permanently- like the way Seungwan would love Joohyun.

 

Unchanging. A constant.

 

The door’s alarm beeps, indicating that the separation would be sooner rather than later.

 

They stare at each other, their expressions unreadable with Joohyun’s hand still on Seungwan’s chest, ready to push her away, or pull her close.

 

Her hand rests there, and it’s almost as if she could feel Seungwan’s heartbeat, and her mind flies millions of miles in the timespan of one second, and she sighs as her mind lands on the one thought she absolutely dreaded.

 

Can I kiss you?

 

The thought rings in her mind louder than the warning alarm, and Irene’s eyes fall to her lips for a brief second. And with every ounce of will she had in her veins, she pushed Seungwan out of the train, and Wendy falls out of her reach, out of grasp, out of her love.

 

I guess even constants could change.

 

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss

I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

'Cause I knew everything when I was young

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time

Chasing shadows in the grocery line

I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired

And you'd be standing in my front porch light

And I knew you'd come back to me

You'd come back to me

And you'd come back to me

And you'd come back

 

The only thing left she had of Wan was the jacket she’d given her on Christmas Eve.

 

It doesn’t smell like her anymore, and it’s been three Christmases since the last she’s seen Seungwan.

 

I guess Irene had moved on, but sometimes she rearranges her closet, to find that very same jacket, and she moves right back to square one.

 

Though now she moves to square ten faster than before, she finds herself putting on that same jacket, and she doesn’t understand why, but it feels right.

 

So she spends her day walking around the places she used to go- from the grocery store near what was once their home, and she walks further than that, ending up at the place where she was once the IT manager. Where she heard those cheesy words slip out of Seungwan’s lips for the first time.

 

She continues her journey through her what-if’s, through her past and into her present, and she finds herself climbing the hill on Seoul Campus grounds, but she isn’t even tired this time.

 

Maybe it’s because she’s older, or because she’s been working out recently, but that doesn’t matter to her now— because she’s looking at the similar, yet different sunset she’d seen almost six years ago, and she feels at home.

 

Should she have tried?

 

Irene lets her mind fly all the way to Canada, thinking about what may have become of the Canadian now.

 

Am I still your favourite?

 

——

 

Irene walks back to her apartment drained of all energy, and she stops at her mailbox for a moment, checking for any important mails her company may have sent her, she trashes around the tiny space, tossing the spam mail into her bag to throw it away later.

 

“Joohyun-ssi!” The local guard calls, and Irene turns her head to the man, who’s holding a package, foreign mail by the looks of it.

 

“I was going to leave this by your porch- but you’re here so,” he says with an awkward smile, handing the package to Irene.

 

“Thanks Tae,” Irene says with a grateful smile, waving the man goodbye.

 

There was no indicator of who it was from, and she hadn’t ordered anything, but she takes the package into her home, grabbing a knife to undo the seals, slicing swiftly through the plastic and unwrapping the box. By the looks of the wrapping- it was indeed a Christmas gift.

 

She opens the box to find a polaroid photograph of Son Seungwan.

 

Always with the surprises.

 

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

 

Hello Joohyun.

 

I hope I get the courage to send this letter to you. To be honest, I don’t even know what to say. I’d send a message, but that’s too much right? Messages are instant, fast- too fast. If I text you and suddenly get a reply, it’d be too fast for me. And this way- i’ll never know if you’ll reply. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I just, I don’t know. I told Joy I’m writing this. She doesn’t mind. WHAT AM I SAYING I SHOULDN’T TELL YOU ABOUT MY WIFE??

 

I will stop. I am sorry. Do you miss me? I’m writing this because I miss you. You won’t reply. But at least I’ve told you. I guess. I somehow have. It’s not like we have telepathy or something. I guess I should’ve tried you know? Because even if we can’t fall in love and do all those things people in love do, at least we could’ve done the things people who love each other do.

 

Like see each other on Christmas, go on karaoke nights, go to each other’s birthdays. I’d try anything with you Hyun. I really would. I guess living half a globe across from each other doesn’t really help it too does it? Well, if you’re willing to give it a try- I guess a reply would be nice.

 

Do you want to try again? As friends?

 

Because I have a kid now. His name is Hyunjoo (don’t know where I got that from) he’s great. I mean he’s 1. I’d like you to meet him, if you’re comfortable. You’re a good influence Hyun. You’ve always been.

 

That day at the train station, do you think about it? I do, sometimes. It’s bittersweet, because I loved seeing you- I’ve always loved seeing you. But I hate seeing you go. Especially when I knew you were never coming back.

 

But here I am, coming back. Not because I’m in love with you- no- were past that I believe.

 

But because I love you.

 

And I can’t see you out of my life anymore.

 

So I came back.

 

Just so you know, I may have a baby now, a family and that picture perfect life everyone chases, but I still won’t stop trying to convince you that you’re so much more than my favourite average person.

 

Remember that? Please?

 

You’re my favourite extraordinary being.

 

It’s Seungwan, just in case you didn’t realise,

you know, blue phone- the strange character?

Cheesy pick up lines? Broke your heart?

 

Your favourite?

 

Irene folds the letter, looking through the photos and things Seungwan added into the box, smiling softly at the words Seungwan scribbled, and the photo of the cute child she attached with it.

 

Yes Wan.

 

You’re my favourite.

 

——

 

“That’s such a cool story unnie,” her sister says, mouth agape as she turns to lay on her side, facing the older.

 

“I wish I’d find a smooth talking lover-boy like that,” Wonyoung says, and Irene cringes at her tone, but she laughs regardless at her teenage sister, acting the way teenage girls often.

 

“Does this lover-boy perhaps- already exist?” Irene teases, and Wonyoung shoves her playfully, her face going red for a quick second before she turns away.

 

“Not a lover-boy but like- like- you know?” Wonyoung says, panic all over her tone as Irene laughs at her baby sister, shaking her head.

 

“Let’s just get burgers instead,” Wonyoung says with a pout, shaking her head.

 

“Anything you want Wonyoung-ah,” Irene says, standing up, then proceeding to hold out her hand for Wonyoung to take. They both stand eventually, after Wonyoung pretends to struggle in Irene’s limp grasp, the older just shaking her head at her antics.

 

“When are you going to bring your girlfriend back?” Wonyoung exclaims as they make their way to the car, Irene’s brain short circuiting for a moment before she realises what answer she should be giving.

 

It’s been 6 years Hyun.

 

You’re still my favorite extraordinary being.

 

“I’ll bring Seulgi home soon,”