♫ SNSD - Back Hug

“I will hold you up when you can’t stand, I will wipe away your tears when you cry, and I will fight for you when you give up and I will love you forever and always.”

Unknown

Why?

After that night, this was the only thing going on in Sakura’s mind. Sakura was confused and could not understand why Chaeyeon’s rules were like that. She was already confused at why she wasn’t allowed to ask Chaeyeon’s any unnecessary questions, but now unlike before, Chaeyeon told Sakura her last 4 rules and that was only after Sakura agreed to her 6th rule.

Something must’ve happened to her for her to make me follow these weird rules.

Sakura thought as she laid on her bed, pondering about the possibilities.

(Flashback)

“Do you agree to rule 6?” Chaeyeon asked.

Sakura was speechless. Out of all the rules she’s followed so far, this one is by far the most strange.

What happened to you? What made you make a rule like this?

Sakura thought as she stared at the serious girl in front of her. 

Did someone hurt you so bad that you’re doing this now? Or are you planning something else?

I didn’t fall in love with some crazy psycho did I? She’s not going to like, do anything bad to me, right?

Sakura fell silent as weird thoughts began to run around in her head. She lowered her eyes and began staring at the floor. It was probably pretty evident that Sakura was worried, at least enough that Chaeyeon caught on.

“I told you before didn’t I? When you first agreed to my rules, I said I wasn’t someone weird and that I won’t do anything bad to you.” Chaeyeon said, breaking the silence.

“I just need you to say that you agree.” Chaeyeon added.

Sakura looked up at Chaeyeon when she heard how desperate she sounded. Sakura then thought back to her experiences so far.

It’s not like she’s lying. She hasn’t done anything bad to me. 

There’s definitely something going on. She might be hurting. That’s probably why she’s untrusting of others. She finally opened up and I learned of how much she thinks of me, and how she feels about me, so I’ll trust that she won’t do anything bad. I don’t want to back out. I want you to rely on me more.

“I agree. I won’t ask you any unnecessary questions.” Sakura said.

It looked like a weight had been lifted off of Chaeyeon’s shoulders as she sighed heavily. Sakura smiled and assured Chaeyeon that she can handle whatever will come their way.

“Since you’ve agreed. I need to tell you something now.” Chaeyeon suddenly said.

If Sakura’s heart wasn’t beating fast earlier, it definitely feels like it was about to explode now. Everytime Chaeyeon said she had something to say, it was always unpredictable. There was no way for Sakura to ever prepare her heart enough.

“What is it?” Sakura asked, swallowing the lump in .

“I’ll tell you my last 4 rules.”

“Huh?” 

Sakura was dumbfounded.

“Right now? All of a sudden?”

“They’re kind of a set.” Chaeyeon said, slowly nodding her head.

“Okay. Let’s hear it.” Sakura said as she took a deep breath in.

“Rule number 7, you cannot hug or hold my hands.”

“Wait what?”

“Rule number 8, you cannot break my heart.”

“Chae-Chaeyeon-ah?”

“Rule number 9, you cannot kiss me.”

“Hold on!”

“And the last and most important rule. Rule number 10, you cannot tell me you love me.”

(End of flashback)

Sakura ruffled her hair as she thought about the rules again.

I mean, of course I won’t break her heart, but aren’t we a couple now? Aren’t the other rules what couples usually do? Maybe she has something against skinship? Maybe she’s not comfortable with it. But what the heck is the very last rule? That rule was the most ridiculous one out of all of them! Why can’t I say those three words to her?! If she was hurt by a previous relationship, wouldn’t she want to hear someone tell her that they love her the most?

“I’m her girlfriend now but I can’t even show my affections to her?!?!” Sakura exclaimed as her emotions exploded.

Suddenly, she heard a ding come from her phone. Sakura rolled to the edge of her bed and reached her hand out towards her desk, trying hard to grab her phone without having to actually get out of her bed. After a few seconds of struggling, Sakura was able to grab her phone. She looked at the screen and saw that it was a message from Chaeryeong.

Sakura unnie! I will be leaving in two days. Before I do though, would you like to go out and hangout with me, Chaeyeon unnie, and Hyewon unnie? We’re thinking of hanging out the entire day tomorrow. Are you free?

“Oh? She’s leaving already? Of course we should hangout before she leaves.” Sakura said as she sat up straight.

It was the weekend, but Sakura looked at her calendar anyway to make sure nothing pressing was coming up. After confirming that she was okay, she texted Chaeryeong back.

Of course I want to hangout before you leave. I am free all day tomorrow. Just let me know when and where to meet up with you guys.

“I’ll think about this later. It’s giving me too much of a headache. Let’s just have fun while Chaeyreong is still here.” Sakura convinced herself as she gently slapped her cheeks.

•~•

The girls started the day by meeting a little before noon at Hyewon’s place. After taking a 20 min train ride to Shinjuku, the girls decided to grab some brunch in the shopping district since they all wanted to go shopping afterwards. Sakura was having fun with the girls, but as much as she was trying to ignore a constant gnawing thought at the back of her head, she couldn’t. How could she anyway when the very thing she was trying to ignore was happening in front of her face the entire time. She didn’t care that Chaeryeong was doing it. Why would she when they were sisters? But the fact that Hyewon was doing it too was ticking her off.

WHY DOES KANG-CHAN GET TO HOLD YOUR HAND AND CLING ON TO YOU WHEN I, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, CAN’T?!?!?!

Sakura screamed inside her head as Hyewon was practically draping herself all over Chaeyeon.

There’s no way you have a problem with skinship if you two are that clingy with each other!

Sakura’s face was probably bright red and if life was like a cartoon, steam would be coming out of her ears. She couldn’t understand why Chaeyeon was treating her even colder and more like a stranger now than before. If anything, they should be way closer. 

Yea, Kang-chan has known her longer, but am I really nothing more than a friend to you Chaeyeon-ah? Am I just your girlfriend by title? Why is she only treating me like this?

Sakura began to get depressed, thinking of her predicament. 

Maybe it’s me? Was Chaeyeon just being nice to me and agreed to be my girlfriend to make me feel better? 

Sakura lowered her head and stopped walking with the group as more negative thoughts filled her mind. She’s usually good at maintaining her emotions in public, but she couldn’t help but feel helpless. 

“Babo-yah!” Hyewon suddenly called to Sakura, causing her to look up from the ground.

“What are you doing lagging behind? You’re gonna get separated from us if you keep looking at your feet.” Hyewon added.

The more Sakura looked at Hyewon, the more frustrated she became. She knew it wasn’t Hyewon’s fault and she doesn’t blame her, but she couldn’t help it. She just wanted answers.

I refuse to keep on letting this happen!

Sakura thought, resolved.

I need to get to the bottom of this.

Sakura snapped herself out of her depressed episode and resumed to her normal self. The group continued to look around the shopping malls, but this time, Sakura inserted herself between Hyewon and Chaeyeon, making sure Hyewon didn’t have a chance to make contact with Chaeyeon. Every time Hyewon got close to her, Sakura would cling to Hyewon instead and dragged her off. Even though her efforts to keep Hyewon off Chaeyeon was working, she wasn’t feeling any better. Sakura was kind of hoping that while she was being clingy to Hyewon, Chaeyeon would show some kind of jealous reaction, but there was nothing. She barely even looked in Sakura’s direction the entire day. If anything, she got more of a response from Hyewon than she expected, and she got teased for it. 

As the day got darker, Sakura was getting nowhere closer to finding her answers. The girls had already travelled back to Tokyo and Sakura was afraid they’d call it a day.

Is this really how our relationship is going to be for the rest of the time you’re here?

It’s not like I can straight out ask you about this. You’re probably not going to answer me anyway.

Maybe you do have issues with skinship, or maybe it’s me, but do you have to treat me so cold?

You’re asking me to not do a lot of things, but is it really too much to just want to hold my girlfriend’s hand?

 Sakura thought as she was running out of positivity again.

“What should we do now? It’s still a bit early to call it a day.” Chaeryeong suddenly said. 

Sakura looked at her watch. It was only 6 p.m. and the sun was only about to set.

“There must be something nearby we can do right?” Hyewon said, looking at Sakura.

I need to think of something quick. There has to be something that we can do and help me out with my predicament.

Sakura looked around her surroundings, trying to see if there were any activities they could do. Suddenly, as if it was a sign from above, her eyes fell on an LED display. The display was advertising a certain place that could totally help Sakura out. A light bulb went off in her head and a smirk slowly crawled onto her face.

“How about we go to an ice rink? It’s pretty close by.” Sakura suggested.

The girls looked at each other, excited as they nodded in agreement.

This is my chance. If Hyewon gets to be clingy and touchy with Chaeyeon, I, her girlfriend, should be able to too. This will be the perfect opportunity to hold Chaeyeon’s hands. I know I told her I won’t break the rules, but technically