howdy doo~
I'm so so so so sorry that it's been a really long time since I've updated. I really wanted to make sure that I'm wrapping up everything nicely. This fic was supposed to be like diary entries, but then I added plot and now I'm not sure if that was a good idea. ^^' Anyways, I've beaten the hell out of this chapter. I hope it was worth it.

cw// angst

It’s past 10PM and Jungeun could sleep early, but for the past few days, she’s been eager to see the instrument sitting in the corner of their living room. She hasn’t witnessed it’s glory ever since they were in college. As Jinsol opened the case, Jungeun waited like that child who was excited to open the big Christmas gift.

The two are sitting on opposite ends of their couch. Jinsol is busy tuning her guitar. 

After adjusting to the feeling of the nylon strings again, she plays a few chords. Jungeun just stares at her in admiration. The two of them used to sing and write songs together for fun. When they jammed out, it really was the two of them, temporarily running away from their problems and into an imaginary, private concert hall. Sometimes, the lyrics Jungeun wrote didn’t make sense or Jinsol would miss a chord. Sometimes Jinsol’s neighbor would knock on their walls because singing at 3 AM on a Wednesday night wasn’t exactly ideal, but it didn’t matter. Music was their escape and, even there, they seemed to always have each other.  

“ It’s a perfect love.” Jinsol looks at Jungeun, telepathically encouraging her to sing along. “Oooh~ It’s a perfect—,”

Jungeun joins in with her, remembering the song. “ —love .”

The phrase repeats itself a few more times. Jinsol never figured out lyrics, but she figured she didn’t need other words as singing with Jungeun was perfect enough. 

Song after song, Jinsol remembers chords and Jungeun remembers harmonies. They were sent back to Jinsol’s old dingy apartment at university. Jinsol was agonizing over writing her thesis while Jungeun was stressing over midterms.

It seems impossible that only an hour and a half passes. Jungeun feels like she just relived 10 years of her life again. “Where You At” brings her to the coffee shop they used to perform at. “Take Me Home Country Roads” by John Denver reminds her of the campfire when they went camping for the first time with their friends. (Between the eight of them that attended, no one understood the lyrics of the song, but everyone sang it, so why not?) “Love Die Young” by Eric Nam takes her back to Jinsol’s old mattress as they hold onto each other the day before Jinsol’s graduation, not knowing what the future holds for them. This guitar and the songs they play on it are lovely reminders of the longevity of their relationship. “Around You” happened when Jinsol was courting her. “Twilight” was created before they went long distance.

After Jinsol graduated, her guitar was left in her parent's house in Chuncheon. Many things happened after that: Jungeun graduated, the two of them found jobs, they both moved in together. As far as Jungeun knew, Jinsol barely played in between.

Now that Jungeun thinks about it, it was slightly random for Jinsol to bring her guitar over.

So she inquires, “Is there any reason why you brought your guitar home?”

Jinsol contemplates her response. Jungeun isn’t expecting a profound answer. If Jinsol took it for convenience sakes or to feel nostalgic or to pick up an old hobby, she’d understand. It’s just… playing all these meaningful songs doesn’t seem so surficial. 

The older woman looks down and smiles. “It’s just… you keep saying how much you miss dancing so much.” She shrugs. “I know this is not the same, but it’ll be a while before you can dance again. Hopefully, singing can take your mind off of things.

“When I got my wisdom teeth removed and I couldn’t go to swim practice, I just sat in my room and played the guitar. It was a nice distraction for me and I hope it can be a distraction for you, too.”

The two lock gazes and Jungeun absolutely melts. She didn’t think it was possible to fall harder for Jung Jinsol. 

“Do you have any song requests?”

After a few beats, Jungeun holds her hand out. "May I?" Jinsol passes the guitar to her. 

Jungeun familiarizes herself with the instrument. She’s glad that the song that’s on her mind had really simple chords. 

At first, she hums the melody, since she doesn’t remember all of the lyrics. She plays a few incorrect chords, but Jinsol encourages her even though she doesn’t have a clue about what song Jungeun is playing yet. 

When Jungeun gets to the pre-chorus, she gives Jinsol a look. It seems that Jinsol caught on.

Is she frowning?

“Jungeun—,” Jinsol is about to stop her. However, she was too quiet.

Jungeun plays louder, finally getting into the groove. “ Listen, Listen to my heart— .” She looks at Jinsol to continue the lyrics. 

Jinsol has a sullen look, but with the way Jungeun repeats the chords and gives her a persistent gaze, she complies. “ —that I only want you to hear. ”

Jungeun continues, ignoring the fact that Jinsol looks deflated. “ Nothing. Nothing. Now stop. There is no meaning anymore. Only a love letter remains.

“ I’m really, really lonely. ”

Jinsol sings along. “ Lingering in my heart is, ‘Love me, love me.’ ”

It switches back to Jungeun. “ I’m really, really lonely. Swallowing my heart,— ”

Jungeun doesn’t play the last chord. Jinsol sings acapella. “ Lonely, lonely. ”

The room goes silent.

Jungeun stares at Jinsol who solemnly looks at the stringed instrument.

Jungeun is wondering if she just lost her guitar-playing rights when Jinsol holds her hand out. She knows it’s a sensitive song, but they’ve talked about it before. She cautiously passes the guitar back to Jinsol. 

Jinsol rests her guitar on the opposite side of them before looking back at Jungeun. 

“Jungie, come here.” She pats the spot next to her. “ Please .”

Jungeun hesitantly closes the gap between them. 

Jinsol grabs her hands and begins to rub circles on the back of them. 

“Sol,” Jungeun calls out when things become too quiet. 

Instead of responding, Jinsol pulls her in close and lays down. Jungeun rests her head on Jinsol’s chest. 

For a while, the two just settle in each other’s arms, listening to each other’s breaths and the ticking clock. 

“You wrote that song,” Jungeun speaks up, “for me.”

Jinsol didn’t respond immediately and Jungeun thought she had fallen asleep. She takes a deep breath. “I wrote that when we broke up.”

Jungeun hums. “Yeah. Then you put this on your Soundcloud and blew it up on social media. You even played it at the coffee shop, our coffee shop.”

That elicited a chuckle from Jinsol. She was admittedly really volatile after that break up. “And then,” she pauses and smiles.

“And then we talked and got back together.” Jungeun begins playing with the buttons on Jinsol’s shirt. 

The words sink into Jinsol. “And then we talked and got back together,” she repeats. 

Jungeun smiles. “And now we’re here.”

Jinsol thinks it comical that Jungeun skips a lot that happened in between. She lets it go for sentimentalities. “And now we’re here.”

“It was a long talk,” Jungeun awkwardly inputs after some silence. “I felt bad because I knew you had to drive home.”

Recalling the specific memory, Jinsol chuckles. The sound reverberates and it warms Jungeun. “I can guarantee you it was worth the 2 AM drive.”

Jungeun looks up. Jinsol looks down. They both smile. 

Jinsol presses a firm kiss on Jungeun’s forehead. Jungeun snuggles deeper into Jinsol’s neck. For a second, Jinsol thinks she might suffocate, but she thinks the pressure is coming from the emotions she just went through. 

“Jungie, I don’t want to lose you, ever again.”

Jungeun grips tighter onto Jinsol’s shirt. “I don’t either.”

There’s a pause between them again. This time, it’s a little more comfortable. 

“Jindori,” Jungeun calls out.

“Hmm?” Jinsol’s eyes were closed. She was very close to falling asleep.

Jungeun bites her lip, contemplating her next question. “Do you still have them?

“The letters?”

It was supposed to be an easy question. The long pause makes Jungeun nervous. 

Jinsol’s words cut through the air. 

“I burned them.”

Jungeun is taken aback. “Oh.” It was all she could respond with. It now makes sense why Jinsol seemed hesitant about singing the song. “I’m sorry for playing… that song then.”

Jinsol lightly shakes her head. “You didn’t know.” 

She looked down to see a rather poker-faced Jungeun. Taking a deep breath, she musters up the explanation of a rather painful memory. “It was when we decided to “take a break”. It just didn’t really feel like a break. Five months was a long time for me.”

Jungeun is suddenly brought back to her senior year. With college-graduate Jinsol next to her, she felt ready for anything. Suddenly, her grades started slipping and she became wary of her environment. She suddenly asked to take a break and Jinsol, who just started working not too long ago, agreed. 

With the way Jinsol easily agreed to everything, Jungeun thought everything was fine. 

“Dami and Yoohyeon suggested I do it. I kept reading those letters religiously. I thought maybe reading them could help fill any loneliness, but I just became attached to you, obsessed almost. It wasn’t until after 3 months that I thought of the worst, that maybe we wouldn’t get back together. They thought it would help me move on if I got rid of them somehow.

“I know it seems silly now because we did get back together after you were done with your finals, but,” she takes a sharp breath, “I was such an emotional wreck back then. When I saw you that you went clubbing through social media, which you never used; when Jiwoo told me you were on Tindr—.” Jinsol chokes up and looks up at the ceiling. 

When things got quiet, Jungeun hummed, acknowledging Jinsol’s pain. The two never really spoke about this. During that conversation of getting back together, Jungeun just talked about how hard her classes were and Jinsol simply said that she missed her. Jungeun returned as she promised and Jinsol was just happy to be back together with her. The younger one thought everything was resolved this entire time.

Although it made her heart ache, Jungeun didn’t shy away from the suffering she accidentally inflicted upon Jinsol. Even though she wanted to defend her actions, she felt like it would’ve devalued Jinsol’s feelings, something she didn’t want. To think that Jinsol had been holding this in the back of her heart all this time. “I’m sorry.” She tried to fill the silence.

“You don’t need to be sorry. It was all in my head. I should’ve trusted you.” 

Jungeun clings onto Jinsol a little tighter, as if trying to prove that she wasn’t going to let go. “I was being selfish at the time.” She looks up to see Jinsol covering her face with her arm.  Gently pulling the arm away, the tears staining Jinsol’s cheeks causes Jungeun’s heart to break even more. Jungeun sat up to wipe Jinsol’s face. “I know this happened so long ago, but I really mean it when I say this: I’m so sorry, Jinsol. If I could do anything to—”  

“I appreciate the intention, but it really doesn’t matter now.” She offers a sad smile to Jungeun. 

“Your feelings always matter to me, Jinsol.” Jungeun caresses Jinsol's cheek. Jinsol tenderly grabs Jungeun's wrist. “And we can always talk about anything, even if it’s the past.”

“I don’t know. It just seems silly.” Jinsol begins to rub circles on the back of Jungeun’s hand with her thumb. “I was just really insecure. It was always the two of us, you know? I think I just needed to learn how to be away from you.”

Jungeun inwardly smiles, remembering her conversations with Haseul. Maybe she was right. Every couple needs space (and the two of them were totally whipped for each other). 

It’s just sad though. Jungeun was suffering for a few days and Jinsol went through 5 months of that. 

“Hey, Jinsol.” 

Jinsol just hums. 

“Thank you.” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, listening to Jinsol’s heartbeat. “Thank you for giving me space. Thank you for respecting my decision.

“I’m sorry for being selfish. I should’ve considered your feelings more. I remember suddenly telling you that I wanted space. You must’ve been blindsided, but within a week you stopped trying to reach out to me.” At this point, Jungeun wasn’t really thinking straight anymore. She was just saying what was on her mind. “You just said you tried to move on after 3 months. It must’ve been a rude awakening when I showed up at your door and asked to get back together.”

Jungeun gasped. Jinsol has squeezed her rather suddenly and very tightly. 

“Are you done making assumptions?” There was a hint of teasing in Jinsol’s voice.

Jungeun’s lack of response allowed Jinsol to continue. “It’s true that I was hurt when you completely ignored me, but the radio silence hit me with some reality: I’m not going to always be with you and I need to learn to be independent again.

“I had to reassess myself. I was getting jealous of how you were hanging out with your friends, but then I realized that we never got to hang out with other people and you deserve to do that. If you call that being selfish, then I want you to keep being selfish because I acknowledge that I can’t be the only person that makes you happy. For me, I was glad to reconnect with Dami and Yoohyeon. Obviously, you were having fun with your classmates.

“Yeah, I was mad that you made a Tindr, but Yoohyeon has to remind me that we technically weren’t together anymore and that you had a right to do that. Heck, she told me to make one, too.”

Jungeun interrupts. “Did you ever match with anyone?” 

Jinsol scoffs. “Yeah, but I never pushed through. I only wanted to make you jealous and that seemed wrong for the other person.” 

For some odd reason, that made Jungeun feel worse. Jinsol didn’t even get to flirt around without Jungeun being in the back of her head. She knows how affectionate Jinsol is and how sulky she gets when she can’t express said affection.

“And when you came back, I was ecstatic to see you again. I was in the process of moving on, but seeing you just made me realize that maybe I can’t completely erase you from me like I thought you did with me. You make me feel a certain way and time and space wasn’t going to change it. 

“At first, I was worried this was a toxic feeling, a red flag that was just convincing me to go back to you. However, something important came to mind: you kept your promise and came back when you said you would. Maybe I shouldn't have lost faith in you, but can you blame me when our relationship is in the air you're dating around? Maybe your timing was a sign. Any sooner and I would’ve been unstable, any later and I might’ve started hating you. Maybe it might’ve been good if I had more space, but at that time I didn’t want it and what’s the point of having this internal battle when we both wish for the same thing. Getting back together was something we both planned and eventually wanted. Really, what's the point of fighting that? To find a sense of individuality? It's one thing to be independent, but it's another thing to be independent in a relationship." 

Jinsol sighs as she reflects upon the feelings she just unloaded. “Look, this was all painful, but that was four years ago and look at us now. Happy doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel when I’m with you.”

Jinsol holds her hand out and examines it. “Maybe I was left with scars, but those don’t really hold me back. The experiences that I had are what made me who I am today.” She flexes her hand and turns it. 

Jungeun grabs that hand again with her own. She brings it up to her lips and kisses each knuckle. 

Jinsol is beyond touched at the action. It’s as if an unknown pressure was taken from her body and Jungeun’s kisses were healing wounds.  

“I’m glad we’re talking about this, Jindori.” Jungeun’s whispers tickle Jinsol’s fingers. 

Jinsol smiles. She returns the affection with another kiss to the forehead. “I’m sorry for not really bringing it up. I thought it was just a personal problem. I didn’t know you had any opinion about it.

“I mean it when I say it. This is all in the past. We’re different people now, not just from that experience. I’ve learned to be patient when we fight. I’ve learned to appreciate space when one of us runs away. I’ve learned that it’s better to text each other ‘goodnight’ even if we are mad at each other because we’re always going to have bad days, but we deserve good nights.

“I’ve learned to make you spicy ramyun when you’re having a bad day because it gives you an excuse to cry. I’ve learned to make sure to do the laundry before your period starts because you like the smell of fresh linen. I’ve learned that you need to buy a new shampoo bottle every five months and if you forget to buy one, you get really mad.

“I’ve learned,” Jinsol pauses, trying to think of more, but losing to exhaustion. “I’ve learned a lot about you. I've learned about me. I’ve learned a lot about us.”

“Jinsol,” Jungeun is really at a loss for words and she doesn’t know if she can handle any more. She’s racking her brain to find some. “How are you so… cool ?”

Jinsol wants to snort at the choice of word, but she knows Jungeun wasn’t that eloquent at spontaneous moments like this. It doesn't help that it's way past her usual bedtime. “I mean, if you think about it, it took me 7 years to figure this all out. I still have a lot to figure out. I don’t know if that’s cool.”

Seven years. 

Haseul’s question crosses Jungeun’s mind again. 

Jungeun accepts that right now is not the time to ask that question, but everything is just piecing together perfectly. 

Jinsol yawns and Jungeun feels apologetic. 

Jungeun ruggedly relays her appreciation. “Thanks for talking and listening even though you’re tired.”

Jinsol’s smiles at the irony. It sounded like Jungeun was more exhausted than anything. “Anything else you want to let out? I’m kinda tired, but we might as well go on. I’m in a rather good mood.”

Jungeun pouts. “Nothing really.” She hums, thinking of anything short they could bring up. There was only one thing on her mind though. “It just— Oh, it’s—” She gives up trying to hide it after Jinsol squeezes her again. “My letters.” 

Jinsol tucks a rogue strand of hair behind Jungeun’s ear. She silently chuckles at the sound of her whine. “Are you disappointed?”

Contemplating her answer, Jungeun purses her lips. “I’m sad you don’t have them, but I understand why you did it.” She looks up to Jinsol who just gives her a bittersweet smile. “I might’ve done the same if Jiwoo told me to do it.”

“If I even wrote you letters.” The two chuckle at that fact. 

Jungeun gives a smug smile. “I don’t need letters from you. I get to be in your arms every night and I get to eat your cooking and I get to bother you at work with you and now I get to sing with you.”

They’re back in their rhythm.

“And you get to steal my clothes. And you kiss me even when you have morning breath. And you will eat the last packet of konjac jelly even though they’re mine.” Jinsol teases with a smile. 

Jungeun punches Jinsol in the stomach. Jinsol just laughs. 

“And you’re my everything.” Jinsol sweetly says, resulting in Jungeun groaning at the cringy line. “What? That’s something you’d totally say in a letter!”

“Yeah! It needs to stay in a letter!”

Jinsol scoffs at the absurd statement. 

Jungeun pouts. “I’ll write you more letters. We’ll make more memories.”

“We have a lot of time.” 

Jungeun likes the sound of that. 

Jungeun doesn’t realize that they fell asleep on the couch. Even though it barely fits both of them, it was rather cozy. 

Jinsol rubs her arm. “Jungie, wake up. Let’s move to our bed.”

Before she sits up, Jungeun sighs. She sees Jinsol’s guitar on the edge of the couch and remembers the nostalgic jam out session they had. 

“You know, Jinsol?” Jungeun’s eyes were closed.

“What?” Jinsol hoped whatever Jungeun was going to say was quick because she was ready to pass out. 

“We’re really screwed, you know?”

Jinsol thinks about it. She doesn’t get it, but she laughs at how ridiculous and bold the statement was. “Okay?”

“No. Like think about it. If you broke up with me anytime soon, I really have no idea what I would do. I’m, like, really dependent on you, especially with this pandemic. 

“You’re not allowed to break up with me? You hear me? If you want to break up with me, you need a really good excuse, like you're a government spy or you only have 3 months to live.” She smacks her gums. "Actually, I'm not sure if that would stop me." She pauses and Jinsol wants to laugh. "Isn't that crazy? We're so screwed if we think like that? You think of me like that, too. Right, Jindorie? You said you never want to lose me. Well, I promise I'll stay with you but you can't break up with me." Jungeun wraps Jinsol into a tight hug. 

Jinsol screams in discomfort. “Alright, alright! I won’t break up with you as long as you don’t break up with me! Got it?”

Jungeun pulls away from the hug. She gives a sheepish grin. Jinsol thinks it’s absolutely adorable how dopey she looks with her closed eyes. She quickly gives a peck at Jungeun’s lips and that seems to awaken the Sleeping Beauty.  

Jinsol yawns and then moves her guitar so it is resting on the ground. She'll put it back in the case later. That case is so far away. “You ready?”

Jungeun leans her head on Jinsol’s shoulder. She's trying to calm herself down a little bit. Another song pops in her head. “ Take me high, the moment I followed you. Without knowing, my heart moved too. ” 

Jinsol smiles. Even though she was tired, she joined in. “ The movement resembled you. It’s a secret only we know. As we place it in this night .”

Jungeun sits up straight and Jinsol stands up. She grabs Jungeun’s hand to help her up. As they walk to the room, they swing their arms as they sweetly look at each other.

“ Your step, my step (slowly with each other).

Can I make a move? Follow me (carefully).

When the clouds cover the moon,

We’ll be slow dancing all night. ”

The melody repeats itself as they get ready for bed. Even when they brush their teeth and change into their pajamas, one of them is humming along.

Jinsol stands in front of their bed. She stares at Jungeun, face still puffy, hair messy. It’s absolutely adorable and to think only she gets to witness it makes her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

She grabs Jungeun’s hands and puts them around her neck. She then places her hands on Jungeun’s waist and they slowly sway. 

“Look, babe. You’re dancing,” Jinsol dreamily whispers.

Jungeun lazily smiles as she rolls her eyes. There’s a light blush forming on her cheeks, but she’s too busy appreciating the view in front of her to cower away. 

Jinsol resumes humming the melody of the song. Even though Jungeun is ready to pass out, maybe she wouldn’t mind dancing with Jinsol all night.

The entertainer for the night sings the chorus and gives Jungeun a rather mischievous look. 

That look slowly wakes Jungeun up. When she catches onto what’s about to happen, she’s suddenly taken back to when she told Jinsol she wanted to try rapping in their songs. The next part is something she’s definitely not proud of writing. 

The hands around Jinsol's neck suddenly tighten. “Jung Jinsol!” 

The owner of the name tries to run away after the choke attempt, but Jungeun’s arms are still wrapped around her. They clumsily fall on their bed. Jinsol is on her back and Jungeun lays on top of her. They look into each other’s eyes. Jinsol still has that cocked eyebrow. 

“ What’s your favorite color? ” Jinsol starts the rap that Jungeun wrote so many years ago. Jungeun puts a pillow on top of her. 

“Jinsol! Stop!” After a while, she pulls the pillow off of her. Jinsol has the biggest, -eating grin on her face. 

Jungeun crosses her arms and childishly turns away from her. Jinsol just laughs and grabs Jungeun’s hand, attempting to pull her back. 

Since Jungeun wouldn’t budge, Jinsol took things into her own hands. She crawls on top of Jungeun and leaves light kisses on her bare shoulder and up her neck. Jungeun just giggles at the affection. 

Jinsol whispers into her ear. “I love you, Jungeun.” 

Just a quick reminder. This chapter was supposed to be a part of the last chapters. There's actually a lot of parallelism. I don't know if you care, but I just thought it was cute how a lot of things that Jinsol does it wiping off on Jungeun. That intention is probably gone because I decided to procrastinate updating this, but in case any of y'all wanted to feel that effect.

GUYS. THE LAST CHAPTER IS COMING SOON. ALSO LOONA COMEBACK UWAHHHH.

Let's scream about Loona together <3
Twitter: @littlepanduh