Shuhua Pov

I was in my room that I share with soojin unnie and I found my old diary while cleaning up the mess I made and I started to flip through the pages.

 

Dear diary 

 

flashback

 

my trainee days 

 

2 years ago, when i was a trainee, i'm a girl and i like a certain traine who is now  same group as me and she is my member, she is a mom, a sister, a roommate, soulmate and bestfriend to me. I have never confess my undying love for her because i knew that She wasn’t interested into this kind of relationship. There was once she shared with me that she came with a conservative family background and her parents were hoping that she would find a great guy to marry, someone that can take care of her. I always thought that I had future with her seeing her treating me like a baby, seeing her cooking for me, seeing her teaching me korean and how to improve my dance skills. She was there with me through thick and thin. I kept this feeling in my hear prolonged period for about 3 years until we debut, because cube doesn’t like us to date. 

 

One month before the evaluation

Everyone is stressed because of the upcoming test that cube is giving us, we always practice late at the dance studio. Me, minnie and yuqi need to work extra hard because we are foreigners and we had extra class. We took foreign english korean and japanese classes. So that we can prepare for the future.

 

Everyday we practice and soojin unnie always staying back with me to guide me in my steps. Sometimes i will tripped over my foot when I miss the beat but soojin encourage me to try again and not to give up. Eventually I memorised the step with her help.

 

“Shuhua you’re doing great” soojin praised

“Thank u unnie” shuhua said

After soojin unnie praise me, she went to use her towel to wipe my sweat from my face 

“Jin ah, why are you so sweet to me” i said

“Cause you’re my baby and forever my baby” soojin replied and one thing i realized is that when

Soojin act sweet towards me, i find myself blushing and wanting more of this kind of treatment from her and then i love it when she squeeze my cheek and said that im too cute and i would want to keep you in my pocket. Ever since that moment, we were always being close with each other and I always do skinship with soojin unnie, she used to shrug it off when I played with her as a couple with her but she still finds me cute . We bonded well. Im happy that she is my roomate and until now we are very close. That when i realized  my feelings for my straight best friend is very strong . She has no idea that sometimes I think about her in a deeper way. The confusing part is that those deeper feelings come and go and are super fleeting.

Soojin unnie is different from other girls from what i thought and feel. I came to conclusion that yeh shuhua has fallen in love with her.

As much as i hate to think about it, I could never act on my feelings for her in the event that it would destroy everything we have and ruin our friendship. So for the past few months until we debut i kept this secret between myself only no other people have found out about this. 

 

When i was reading my old diary, i saw a shadow from behind

“Oh ttt,” i cursed

I quickly close my book

“What were you reading that you’re so engrossed” yuqi said

“My old diary” i said

“So hmm, you like soojin, i read everything no need to hide from me, im your bestfriend” yuqi said

 

I scared that anytime soojin unnie can walk in.

 

“Yuqi, i promise i will tell you about my secret but can we go out it is too dangerous to talk about it in the dorm” i said

 

Alright.

 

“Let me keep my diary, you can go out and wait for me” i said

 

I quickly hid my diary in my closet under the pile of clothes and making sure i lock my diary with the passcode. 

 

Then i head out with yuqi we went to  7-11 which is nearby our dorm.

 

“So shuhua when did you first discover you into girls?” yuqi said

 

“Since i was in taiwan in secondary school, i went to all girl school” shuhua said

 

“Im not here to judge you, but im glad that you’re not gonna plan to yell at me for sneaking you up from behind. Shuhua if you need me im always here for you” yuqi said

 

“Thank you yuqi, but do you think soojin is into girls?”  shuhua ask

“Im not sure, but i think she came from a conservative family” yuqi said

“I-like soojin since trainee days, sometimes i will have mix signal from her that she is into me sometimes she treat me very good and she keep saying im hers and she is mine…” shuhua said

 

“I think for now you’re just being attached from soojin, and maybe just admire her because she took care of you like a mom, but if your feelings grow deeper, you might be hurt” yuqi said

 

“Thats true” shuhua said

 

“I will keep this as a secret” yuqi said