Summary: Jessica swipes right to her ex-girlfriend's profile.

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What am I doing on a dating app? And swiping right on my ex, no less! Am I that lonely? Is she lonely?

Thoughts circled around Jessica’s mind. A bird chirps on her phone, signaling a new message. She taps the notification and opened the new chatroom heedlessly.

You matched with Taeyeon

”Hey there”

Jessica chews on her lip, reading the two words many times over like a mantra until her teeth cut through and draw blood. She’s anxious and she has no idea why.

‘Tragic’ is the appropriate word to describe their breakup.

She has no contact whatsoever with any of her past group mates but she’s guilty of watching their movies or listening to their solo albums. Including Taeyeon’s.

2014 was too cruel. It was never the right timing to just end their relationship abruptly as Taeyeon was facing scandals and death threats during that time. Then again, Jessica was fighting a losing battle too, against the company and against the fans.

There was a mutual understanding between the couple. Maybe it was the right timing.

Six years passed like that. Taeyeon received her first Daesang. Jessica got so many brands on their knees for her.

The world has their eyes on them, albeit separately. And yet here they are on Tinder casually saying hello.

Jessica has already opened the chatroom, Taeyeon must have noticed the read receipt by now and wondering what’s taking her long to respond.

”Taeyeon…”

Continuing to bite her lip, she waits for a response.

And she waited until sunrise. The phone still in hand, Jessica slams it down beside her as she remembers her idiocy from last night. Does she still have feelings for her? Or is it loneliness? She slapped herself on the cheeks. “Get yourself together, Sooyeon-ah,”

She gets up from the uncomfortable couch she fell asleep on and washed up. There are still so many questions that need answers. For example, why did I match with my ex (of all people in the app?), or, what’s the real reason for Taeyeon swiping right? Does she still have feelings for me, is it by accident, or does she want proper closure from 6 years ago?

Jessica pulls the charging cable off her phone. She leaves for work without sparing her new notifications a glance.

———

It wasn’t like Taeyeon to space out during rehearsals. Her managers and concert producers were worried that she might be sick and would delay the shows. Fortunately, it wasn’t the case.

Unbeknownst to everyone in the arena was that she, too, was as perplexed as her new Tinder match. She thought playing it cool would help settle the uncomfortable aura misting through the two screens.

Taeyeon laughs at the absurdity of the situation, turning heads her way with concern.

“Is she okay?”

“Did anything happened to her before arriving here?”

Taeyeon laughing by herself got everyone around her more worried than she was spacing out and looking as pale as a ghost.

She stood up from the floor and dusted off her jeans. “Should we do Curtain Call one more time?” Her band and the rest of the team smiled in reply, relieved that the singer is back to her passionate self. She’ll have to go back to her phone later.

“Sica-ssi, I didn’t know you use dating apps?” One of Jessica’s unnies brought up over lunch. She barely touched her food and she hadn’t engaged in their conversation at all. Her friends sensed something was wrong and brought up a topic that their beloved fashion director would react strongly: Dating.

“Uh, what makes you think that?” Jessica forced a chuckle and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She winced. Please talk about something else.

“Your phone’s been ringing all morning, all I see are Tinder notifications,” a collection of Ooh’s made Jessica go beet red and gulped down her wine. She’s silently praying - to whichever god hears her prayers - for this conversation to end or the ground to swallow her up.

“Unnie,” her gaze and voice towards her older coworkers were stern. Their table goes silent.

Going back to Jessica’s office, she took all of her willpower to check her phone today. It hasn’t been opened since last night. She downed her cup of water first before opening the app.

She opened the chatroom that she’s been avoiding all morning. Taking a deep breath, she begins typing.

Much to her surprise, Taeyeon was already ahead of her as she sees the ellipses move in the grey message bubble.

Taeyeon is on her way home. She takes out her phone and checks to see if Jessica has replied yet. Of course, she hasn’t. She sighs and tries to casually talk to her like an old friend one more time.

”Funny to see you here”

“Really, Kim Taeyeon. What is it that you want?” Jessica pursed her lips and responded almost immediately as soon as she sees the message.

J: ”I could say the same to you”

T: “So… you swiped right?”

J: “Well, you did too. Didn’t you”

Taeyeon unknowingly giggled as she imagines Jessica’s grumpy face. Her manager looked at the idol through the rear-view mirror and continues driving. Every one of Taeyeon’s coworkers she considers her friends are now concerned for her well-being. She wouldn’t easily give them answers anyway so the team kept quiet in the meantime.

T: “True”

J: “Have you eaten yet?”
”I heard you’re touring again”

Jessica stops and reads her last message. Did I just expose myself?!

T: “No, I’m on my way home”
”Have you eaten?

Jessica sighed in relief. She’s overreacting again. Great.

J: “Yeah”

T: “I know you’d hate it”
”You can decline if you want”

She feels her heart beat faster. The foreboding undertone in Taeyeon’s words doesn’t help alleviate her uneasiness even though she’s only testing the waters.

T: “But do you mind if we meet up again, like the old times?”

J: “Like a date?”

T: “Sure”
”Sorry if that’s too straightforward! I wasn’t thinking…”

It’s Jessica’s turn to giggle. She imagines Taeyeon’s face after she tapped the Send button with wide eyes as she frantically types out the last message. She exactly got it right. Taeyeon was now chewing her thumb, hoping the fashion director wouldn’t see her desperately trying to win her back.

Taking her back wasn’t Taeyeon’s intention. In fact, she didn’t even imagine finding her ex on Tinder, to begin with. Sure, she may still have butterflies on her stomach when she watches Jessica’s concert performances on YouTube but the relationship shouldn’t be one-sided.

Their budding romance as trainees ended on a tragic note, the least she could do is make amends. She knows how much her former girlfriend had suffered before they almost debuted.

This is purely coincidental. All I want is to be able to speak to her again like the past.

Taeyeon convinces herself. At least to ease her mind for a while.

J: “It’s fine lol”

T: “Really?”

J: “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss my members.”
”Let’s meet again, Taengoo!”

T: “I missed you too...”
”Okay—I’ll text you the address of where we’ll meet”

Jessica stared at her screen and contemplated sending the words See you soon or not. Of course, she is really happy to see her old friend but there’s this nagging feeling that meeting her ex will reopen wounds that she tried so hard to close up.

She sent it anyway. It’s not like Taeyeon would see Jessica’s expression when she sent the message.

Jessica slumped down on her office chair and sighed deeply.

This is so complicated.

Truthfully, she was eager to see her again. Not just through showbiz news or fancams. She simply misses her as much as she hates to admit it.

The old friends met at a famous restaurant located in Seoul where most K-idols dine; just a few blocks away from the SM Entertainment building. They decided to reserve a VIP table to ensure their privacy from the fans or the paparazzi.

Their companies - especially SM - would hate to see their biggest female soloist hanging out with their former groupmate.

Taeyeon was being extra careful, just to have a nice conversation with Jessica. She was willing to mend the wounds from six years ago.

She wasn’t sure if she’s doing this to lift the weight off her shoulders or because she misses Jessica badly. Only God knows.

”Did you get home safe?”

Jessica, surprisingly, was the first to send a message after the two friends went home.

Needless to say, they both had a great time. The food was amazing, the place was amazing, and meeting each other again after a long time was amazing.

T: “Yeah 😁”
”Did you?”

J: “Yup!”
”Do you have any more plans today?”

T: “Woah”
”Sica-ssi, we just had lunch. Did you miss me already? 😏”

Taeyeon was stifling a laugh while the other girl facepalmed at her message and the winking emoji that feels like it’s taunting her.

Jessica sighed. I’m glad she hasn’t changed a bit.

J: “No, I mean don’t you have to prepare for your concert?”

T: “Oh that! Here I thought you really miss me”

J: “Whatever Taengoo”

T: “Haha I do have a few hours left to get some rest before I leave to the venue”

J: “Then take a nap! I don’t wanna be the reason you’re so tired at tonight’s show”

T: “Whatever Sica”
”I’ll text you later okay? ”

J: “Sure❣”

Jessica looked at her wristwatch and calculated how much time Taeyeon has before hair and makeup, and soundcheck.

I’m sure you’ll do great, Taeyeon-ah. Take a nice nap before everyone becomes spellbound by your voice.

Taking off her flats, Jessica heads to her walk-in closet and scans for a casual outfit that says “No effort” yet screams “I looked nice for you” at the same time.

The singer takes a final look at herself in the mirror.

“10 minutes left!” A staff shouted for everyone backstage.

Taeyeon feels nervous for some reason. She hasn’t felt this way since her debut stage or when she went busking for the first time in close proximity with foreigners. Again, she doesn’t know why.

“5 minutes!”

Meanwhile, Jessica smiles at how loud the fans were chanting Taeyeon’s name. She was watching the live stream like a proud mom.

As the curtains were drawn, the arena was filled with momentary silence in awe and anticipation of who they came for. Lights flicker on and Taeyeon materializes before the captivated audience.

The idol’s concert caught the world’s full attention during the 2-hour long show. Including Jessica’s.

Her only thoughts while watching the concert were: “I miss performing on stage.” and “She really killed those high notes and dance moves!”

As the show came to an end, Taeyeon greets her celebrity friends and her members as Jessica smiles sadly with her phone now turned off after the live stream has ended.

She pockets her phone. Seohyun pats her unnie encouragingly and smiles at her. Jessica smiles back nervously and heads straight to Taeyeon’s dressing room that was packed with unfamiliar people just a minute ago.

Her heels clicked and the plastic rustled from behind her. Taeyeon turns her head and immediately beams at the sight of her friend. Jessica hands her a bouquet of pink roses.

“It’s not purple.” The singer breathes in the scent of the flowers and sighs.

“You know it’s not hard to say ‘Thank you, Jessica.’”

Taeyeon pouts and the taller girl suddenly felt her heart melt. She has no right to look this cute! They both thought.

“Thank you, Sica. Seriously.” Taeyeon swiftly wraps her free hand around Jessica without warning, leaving the frozen girl shocked at her action.

She begins to relax at Taeyeon’s warmth and exhales. Jessica’s hand pats her waist and slightly moves their bodies closer, unwilling to let go. Taeyeon didn’t budge at the action and embraced her tighter.

She hesitantly pulled away after a few seconds.

“How long have you planned to visit me here?” Taeyeon asked.

“Actually, I didn’t plan anything...” Jessica looks down and answered in a lower voice, ashamed that she has done something without any sort of preparation like she usually does.

She knitted her eyebrows at the thought of her manager scolding her in the car. She’ll be ready to get another earful later going home.

By luck, Jessica had no schedule for the concert D-DAY. As she absentmindedly searches her closet for any “casually breathtaking” outfits, the fashion director took a second to pause and be conscious of her actions.

She picked out a white backless chiffon blouse with a pair of high waisted jeans and black ankle-strap heels to finish the look.

Eyes widened, she paced around the room and reassessed what she was doing and who she was doing it for. Jessica was going mad and Taeyeon had no idea she’s the reason why her former group mate is slowly losing it.

I literally just met up with her a few minutes ago!

She takes out her phone and speed dials her manager.

“Yes, Jessica-ssi?”

“I need to be at Jamsil Arena in four hours from now!” She exclaimed, surprising both her and the manager at the tone of her voice.

“Why do you need to be at the Jamsil Arena in four hours?” Her manager imitated the idol’s tone.

“Oh, and buy a bouquet of purple daffodils too!” Jessica excitedly requested.

“I don’t think there are any purple daffodils…” The manager sighed, not knowing where this conversation is leading to.

“Pink roses, then?” Sighing, her manager hung up and does as she asked.

Thirty minutes before the show starts, Jessica sneaks in backstage looking for an empty dressing room. One of the rooms revealed Seohyun, another idol who left SM, fixing her makeup. She turned her heels and tries to run but the youngest stopped her.

“Jessica unnie? Are you here for Taeng-unnie too?” Seohyun stated rather loudly for the whole floor to hear. Jessica shushed the younger woman while gently pushing her back into the room and closing the door behind her.

“How are you, unnie? It’s been so long.” Seohyun was known for being the most compassionate member of the nine-piece group. However, Jessica didn’t expect a hug (seeing how they’ve suddenly reunited after almost a decade in a dressing room) from her and was taken aback.

“I know, Seohyun-ah. I’m sorry for not contacting you guys for a long time…” She sat down on an empty stool, still gripping the flowers.

“Are you really here to see Taeyeon-ie?”

“Yeah, it just happened,” says Jessica coolly like it was a natural occurrence.

There was a knocking on the door.

“Seohyun-ssi?”

“I’ll be out in a few!” Seohyun called out to the person behind the door and she gathers her belongings.

“Will you be staying here, unnie?” The youngest asked softly. She knows the circumstances but no one can really do anything in the situation.

Jessica only nodded and smiled weakly. This is what she gets for acting impulsively, she thought.

“You haven’t changed,” she chuckled, “You still love hugging people, huh?” Jessica laughs as she was being held tightly by Taeyeon who was saddened hearing the story.

“You know, I hated SM a lot for what they did to you.” The singer started. “I threatened to leave the company and go with you but I didn’t have the courage to.

“I installed the dating app for fun. I also swiped right for fun, thinking your profile was created by a fan or something.

“But I pressed on; I was both happy and anxious that I was able to talk to you again by pure coincidence. Truthfully, I hoped we could still be friends.” Taeyeon’s eyes well up but she quickly wiped the forming tears away with a laugh as if dismissing her emotions would help.

The two girls didn’t notice that they were the only ones in the room—the rest of the staff already went home and their managers are waiting in the cars—since they were only focused on each other the entire time.

Jessica’s eyes glistened and a smile of appreciation and adornment lit up on her face. She still loves her.