Yesterday was her worst nightmare. It was the day she wants to forget. The date she wants to erase. But how can she forget that, when for the rest of her life she will be remembered by how she loses her father. In that fateful date, she was born. In that painful day, her father’s gone.

She wants to hear ‘happy birthday’, she’s supposed to sing ‘Happy’ song to celebrate. But, instead she heard a simple painful question of ‘Are you ok?’ and a bunch of pitied words like ‘Stay strong’ or even some beautiful promises as ‘We are here for you’.

She can’t help it. She felt angry. Her happiness is one by one being taken away from her. After this, sure her depression will take a toll on her. It’s just a good thing that she still remember about her family to not doing something stupid.

But, she’s not sure anymore. For every daughters, father is their hero. So is Taeyeon. Her mother brokenheartedly cries her hearts out. Her brother tried hard not to but cries eventually in the end. Her sister is not even tried to hold back her tears. And Taeyeon? She doesn’t know what to feel anymore. Her heart felt numb and tears just keep flowing like a never ending river.

Her family is here, her friends are coming, even her members were showing their truly support as hard as they can. But that’s just makes her felt worse. She’s not even counting how many members that come (like what she always did before). She just felt getting hug from a lot of people, but there’s something which is not right with her heart. Then she realize. It’s empty.

Days passed into weeks. Weeks passed and it’s a month already. 9 April 2020. It’s been a month without her father. She is still in Jeonju. Her company really gave her a real rest time. She just stayed at home, accompanied her friends who came to see her, wearing a smile, and then back to her room with a bang.

That’s what she did for the first two weeks. That’s how broken she was. Her members really made an efford to show that they’re still with her. Even though not physically, she knows that their heart are always one.

We’re always one.

She heard those lines inside her mind. She always heard it when she felt like no one’s on her side, when she’s alone, or when the thought of everybody’s separating their own way comes. That song has an impact not only for her fans, but for her too. And when those lines played, she can’t help but thinking about a certain American member. Is that how she feels when she lost everything?

One phrase from fans that still engraved in her heart was ‘Girls Generation lost one member, but Jessica lost eight sisters’. It sure hurts deeply.

Taeyeon knows, some of them still keep in touch with her. She’s glad to know that. Jessica is one of her pilar support, even when she never said it out loud. When she’s at her lowest, she often tried to look at her ex-member’s news or SNS. Knowing that she looks perfectly fine and move on with life after everything that happened make her feel motivated. ‘If she can, me too’. That’s how important every members present in her life. Even without them knowing it.

Like today, Taeyeon decided to just get out from her house, following Tiffany’s advice to catch some air. She is driving around Jeonju, alone. The quiet road made her feels the old memories. She passed by the place she spent often when she was a kid. Some things doesn’t really change. It makes the corner of her lips lifted up a little bit. .

She keeps going without a destination, but she finds herself walking out from her car to see her father. Suddenly she felt her heart became heavy with every step she takes. Taeyeon promised to not cry today. It’s been a month, she can do it.. right?

The Kim Leader walks slowly, eyes scanning the place. It’s quite lonely here. No one is around, and she likes that. Maybe she can have a precious time only with her father.

But, Taeyeon’s wrong. She is not alone. There’s a person here, praying for her father seriously. Taeyeon’s surprised. She’s looking at the person’s back, thinking about who it will be. She’s kinda familiar with her back side, but all of her members already came here before. And, when the person turned around,  her world stopped.

‘J-jessica?’

No, Taeyeon didn’t say that name out loud. That banned name which she never said again after the tragic date in 2014 is just too hard to say for her. zipped and wrinkle forming in her forehead as if questioning her eyes ‘Is that really her?’.

They separated only by ten step away, but Taeyeon still can recognize those eyes even when she wears mask on her face. She blinks many times. Right.. all of her members have been here except for one.

The other person is surprised as well. Judging by the size of her eyes, Jessica obviously not expecting Taeyeon to be here right now.

“W-what are you doing here?” After getting the shock of her life, the older one finally can utter some words. It’s a rude question actually, but it’s Taeyeon and that’s just how she is. Her brain is still processing and didn’t have another words to say.

“What a good way to greet, Kim Taeyeon.” Jessica said calmly after she broke their stares and start to fix her mask. The former main vocal forgot how to response nicely to her ex-leader, it’s been years in silence betweem them. Taeyeon didn’t complain either, she’s still rooted to the ground when the ice princess walks closer.

“What.are.you doing here?” The older one said it again with some unintentional cold tone in it, which make Jessica stopped in her tracks. Taeyeon saw it, the Jung exhales loudly before contin