“JEALOUS”

Jealous of the girl who caught your eye
One of my darker days…

“She’s so beautiful…”

That was the very first thing you said when you first laid your eyes on her.

We were resting in the corner of the dance studio after our tiring training session when you suddenly said those words that immediately put a scratch on my heart.

I could still even remember the look on your face while you were saying that.

Your eyes were sparkling with admiration…

Your nose was crinkling with fascination and your lips--- they were slightly open, curving upwards with captivation.

You were practically smitten by her charm.

And there I was… practically loathing her without you knowing it.

*****

When you looked at her where was I?
Should've been in her place…

“You’re unfair!”

That’s what I’ve always wanted to tell you.

You’re so unfair for giving all your best interest and attention to her and leaving nothing else for me.

It feels like every time you looked at her, your world would just stop spinning while picturing that it’s just the both of you painted in colored and everything else was in a shade of grey---- Including me…

So unfair for just always looking at her lovingly…

That you don’t even realize that I’m the one who’s always looking at you devotedly…

How I kept lowering my pride for you as I pathetically wished to be her somehow just to have your full attention and your love…

*****

Here I am…
All alone imagining what might have been
what could have been?
If I had been there…

“Aww~ thank you… I really don’t think I could ever live without you…”

I heard you say to her as the both of you giggled and I just froze there on the spot from where I was standing from…

Outside of the room…

In the hospital that you were admitted to…

It’s been 3days since you had the back injury from the last training session we had and you were practically exempted to everything that we have to do just so your condition wouldn’t worsen…

And here I am, about to visit you with all of your favorite foods, games and books in my hands because you kept on saying that you’re already suffocated in this place that you could die in boredom just because you have nothing else to do…

But I guess you wouldn’t need it anymore, because her presence was more than enough for you to live again…

And so while you were slowly recovering from your injury--- My heart was just rapidly deteriorating inside of me…

I wonder if you would still say the same if I came in earlier than her…

Would you still say that you couldn’t live without me or those words were just only meant for her…

*****

Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
if she's keeping you satisfied…

“Oh, here let me help you… Just grab onto me and walk slowly okay.”

I heard her say, smiling, as she unintentionally pushed me aside as she tried to help you walked out of the car and through the hallway of our dormitory while wrapping her left arm around your thin waist and the other, holding onto your right hand that was over her shoulder.

I couldn’t help but to get mad at her for stealing my chance to be with you again but then, just watching you smile, feeling better, and out of the hospital was more than enough for me to be happy again even though I know that I’m not the slightest reason of that glow on your face.

****

Jealous of the one who finally found you
made your sun and your stars collide…

“BYUL-AH!!!!”

She frantically called out your name and quickly ran towards you, pulling you into her warm embrace. I then stopped in my tracks as I finally tried to catch my breath from all the running that I’ve been doing just to find you.

The whole night we’ve all been worriedly running everywhere just to look for you after you stormed out of the company, crying, when they told you that it’s better for you to start rapping instead of what you’ve been training hard for to be a vocalist.

The heavy weight on my heart had been lifted up as soon as I saw you sitting in the park bench safe & sound even though I knew that I was a step too late again to be with you first.

She's a very very lucky girl…

She is very lucky indeed...

I turned around with a tear welling up in my eyes as I smiled bitterly while leaving the both of you hugging under the sparkling sight of the moonlight.

****


Jealous of the one who won your heart
they say it's a perfect match…

“Oh Finally! The Unnies are here… But wait, are you guys wearing a couple clothes?”

Hyejin said teasingly as soon as she saw the both of you came in the practice room wearing the same red colored t-shirt with just a different design on it.

You both then, shyly denied it in unison saying that it’s just purely a coincidence but the look on both of your faces were saying otherwise.

“Aigoo… You guys even matched your shoes… What a really perfect COINCIDENCE it is. Hahaha!”

Our manager unnie added and I just flashed a fake smile as I also joined the both of them in teasing you guys but every laugh that comes out of my mouth caused more crack in my already brittle heart.

****

She's gonna get to be where you are
And I don't get better than that…

“Sorry Wheein-ah, I can’t… I already made plans with Yongsun unnie that day but I promise to make it up to you next time okay.”

You said apologetically when I asked you if you want to hangout this coming Friday for we don’t have anything in our schedule on that day but unfortunately, you have another plan with her again which was becoming more like the usual set-up for you guys.

I just shook my head saying that it’s okay while hiding the disappointed look on my face while flashing my fake smile again.

You, then, gently patted my head and warmly smiled at me as you finally bid your goodbye and I was once left alone again wishing for you to at least notice my feelings for you even just a little bit.

****

She'll say you're fine
Whisper words I wish were mine...
What might have been? What could have been?
If I had been there?

“You’re gonna be okay Byul-ah… I know you can do it!”

I saw Yongsun unnie mouth those words to you as she smiled and held your hand.

It’s one of our comeback showcase and it’s going to be your first time to sing some parts of the song other than the rap verses you always write. You were very nervous and everyone can feel how tensed you are.

Even I, myself, was nervous for you but not because I’m not confident of your singing but because I know how important it is for you not to make any mistakes. I also want to hold your hand and assure you that you’re