Yujin wanted nothing but to erase the memories, wipe her whole hippocampus clean, and start fresh. She wanted nothing but to forget; forget the three a.m. confessions, forget the charming smiles, forget the unplanned yet romantic trips they took together, forget everything she was involved in, and ultimately, forget… her.

She painted the walls, rearranged the stupid pieces of furniture, she swapped rooms, but still, the memory of her lingered. She was engraved in the woodwork, her memories soaked in the house walls, making it impossible for Yujin to keep moving forward.

And so she didn't. Yujin couldn’t

Instead, she moved to sell the house and moved to an apartment.

She had not been in this one. She had never stepped foot over the door. But the layout of the unit was similar, and it was also close to the Japanese restaurant she loved. One time, Yujin thought she saw her on her way home from work. Only it was not her, it was another woman with a stupid shiny pink hair.

Briefly, she entertained the idea of approaching the woman, striking up a conversation, seeing where it went, but that thought was fleeting. She wasn't Minju. She would and never could be Minju.

Rather than approaching her, Yujin turned and went the other way. She walked an extra six blocks just to avoid the thought of seeing a similar-looking woman. It was still too much for her and she’s sure at that moment it will always feel like it was always going to be too much for her.

When she mentioned it to Sakura in passing, knowing that she was still friends with her ex, the older woman gave her a pitiful look, she sighed and shook her head. She did that a lot, she noted. It was as if she knew how much Yujin tortured herself.

"You know what? We should go out next weekend. We can go to an arcade. A bar or a club and just have a really good time," she would usually say afterward as if her plan wasn't so transparent.

Of course, Yujin would always respectfully declined and will try her best to change the topic.

But Yujin understands. Sakura wanted her to move on, but Yujin couldn't. She had tried so many ing times but she couldn’t. She had to sell her house and moved to an apartment, that's how much she wanted to forget about her, but it was still worthless. Wasn’t that a symbol? Wasn't that a big enough manifestation that Yujin wasn’t ready to find someone else?

Don’t even ask about her nights, it was lonely, she felt empty; drinking her on the rocks whiskey while watching the same season of Castle she had seen over and over again. But it was better… so ing better than finding a stranger, a warm body that couldn’t even be compared to the previous one she kissed. Nope, she would definitely stick to watching Castle annoys the out of Beckett.

Minju never really liked Castle, which meant no memories, which meant Yujin thought she’s safe, which meant she can try to make new ones. But boy was she wrong because with every new memory she tried to make, one thought always made itself known. Minju should be there with her. Cuddled up and taking care of her.

So Yujin would take the loneliness. Mainly because the poor girl didn't have any other option.

“Minju left you.” She had to keep hurting herself by reminding herself of what she did. “She ing left you.”

Miyawaki Sakura had no problem reminding her of that fact, hoping it would wake her up and actually find someone else. But the efforts are wasted because Yujin didn’t, couldn’t, her heart is so willing to take emotional beating those words carried. How the shattered pieces of her heart could still wince and flinch with each reminder of the pain, she didn't know