She wasn’t used to immobility.

She was the type who would keep herself busy making congees and hot drinks even when she was sick. Being sentenced to bed rest for god-knows-how-long was really driving her nuts. It didn’t help at all when she couldn’t even use her phone normally with her right wrist injury. Replying friends’ texts with only emojis just showed how pitiful she was and it .

But she reminded herself to be grateful all the time. So for the first few days of the bed rest, she behaved like the best possible patient in the world.

She cherished the full day sisterly time with her unnie before she had to go back to Canada for work. She was grateful that her members spent time in her ward to watch live broadcast of their Irene unnie being the most stunning MC. She loved to have her parents by her side like she was being little again, although she predicted this would drive three of them into arguments if they continued like this for the next few months.

Feeling sorry for turning her parents’ overseas vacation in Korea into a ward tour, she was trying to make them leave her bedside by suggesting them nice dining places, asking her members’ favors to take them out for a day trip in Seoul and getting them to run unnecessary errands for her. Her parents had no mood to play tourists seeing their daughter suffering for her injuries. And to her surprise, all her errand calls were done without her parents leaving the hospital. Knowing her parents would never bother her managers, she wondered if her parents really had charmed or bribed the hospital staff in one way or another.

❧

He had been a coward.

Since he last saw her in person without her being conscious, he had exchanged a few courtesy texts with her and received the same amount of emojis as response. He guessed, being an angel as she was, she must be struggling to respond to every messages overflowing from her friends, hoobaes and sunbaenims. He was hoping she would confide to him a little bit more than she would to any normal friend. But why on earth should he deserve a different treatment?

After meeting Seunghee Xi in the hospital, he contemplated about the offer of being introduced to Seungwan’s parents. He just couldn’t find his positioning in this rush and thoughtless introduction. Was he Son Seunghee’s reliable friend (aka the willing errand boy) during their time in Korea? Or was he the concerned friend of Son Seungwan (aka the ex-boyfriend)?

In the end, he called Seunghee Xi to apologize, that due to his year end concert and some last minute preparation for the concert, he could hardly spare the time to meet her again before she left Korea. As promised to be attentive to Son’s parents’ need during their time here, he introduced Soojung, one of the brightest female staff in his studio, to Seunghee Xi and assigned her to run errands or take the couple here and there for sight-seeing.

He of course had been teased to no end by the whole studio since the moment he asked Soojung this favor. Well, not exactly a favor as her salary was withdrawn from his bank account anyway. Her role in the studio wasn’t just a crew, more like copy writer plus project manager plus account manager. So she was used to the job and paid for the job. Most important of all, he could trust her understanding on the sensitivity of this matter, and hence her discretion to handle Son’s parents or any nosy people that may come on the way.

Since his debut, he had learnt to be discreet about his personal life. His protective nature only allowed a few dozen of people in his closest circle to know about his affairs. Among which are the people in NNG studio, who especially knew what Son Seungwan had meant and still meant to him. They had all been worried about him since her accident and now, despite their teasing, they were relieved that he was actually doing something under his mask of indifference.

❧

She had been hospitalized for almost four weeks now.

She would admit to no one. But, being frightened by the seriousness of her injuries and also because of the pain, she could hardly fall asleep since her accident. In fact, during the night, she spent the first week tossing and turning in bed and weeping when no one was watching. Though in broad daylight she had still been able to put up a brave face for her parents’ sake, because the last thing she wanted was to have them worried about her mental state before they returned home.

Since the moment she had been conscious, her parents took the chance to hint her here and there to return to Canada with them for the end patient treatment. She knew this conversation would come to her sooner or later and suspected their final goal was to convince her to abandon her idol career in Korea and return to college, following her unnie’s footsteps.

She let loose a heavy sigh the moment her parents stepped out of her ward. After attending to her basic needs of the day, the couple felt secure enough to leave her bedside in daylight and had arranged to go shopping around town. Now for the first time in weeks, she could finally drop her pretense of cheerfulness and contemplate on her situation in solitude.

With her contract expiring soon, her group had been expected to wrap up their era by world tours, occasional comebacks (serving like a fan service) and then would gradually phase out for the new girl group in their agency to succeed their place.

A solo career would be waiting for her afterwards but there was still no telling how the market would receive it. (Let’s be honest, her popularity could hardly compare to Taeyeon unnie.) This was a world where luck and fame outweigh talents and hard work. Luna sunbaenim was a good reference on this topic. Now her injury only added more uncertainty to this direction for whether she would be able to withstand the physical requirement for a solo stage was still a big question mark.

From her parents’ perspective, if she could decide to quit now, it would save her from further disappointment or hardship later on. They just could not bear to see their youngest child suffer physically or mentally again, when she got the means and the brains to start fresh in a less rockier road.

She understood her parents’ reasoning and knew in her heart that they were being sensible in this. But she could not be so sensible. She could not determine her next possible step by listing out the pros and cons, or simply choose her option by weighing the efforts or time required.

She knew so deeply in her heart that music is her destiny, the only thing she ever wanted to do in her life. Yes she had suffered for it and she would continue to suffer. No kidding, she was even still in physical pain. The road to recovery definitely looked unpromising at the moment. But how could she quit without trying when there were promises she would like to keep and people she was still holding on to.

Can she really leave her members behind, abandoning her duty as the main vocal of the group, burdening Seulgi or Joy to cover all her parts in all their previous songs? Or would they be free to fly higher without her hindering the upcoming plans in their last year as a group?

Can she really let her fans down, when she had promised them so many times that she would be there always for them, when they overflowed wishes and prayers for her recovery and looked forward to her being on stage again?

Can she still keep the promise to him, that they would endeavour in their own career, with the hope to reunite again through music in the future, with the hope of being comparable to each other in fame and achievements so as to receive blessings and blessings only from the people who supported them?Or would she be happier being an outsider, supporting him from afar and letting their ties slowly loosening?

She found herself once again getting nowhere with these wishful thinkings. She had been braving her condition out too hard for the past one month. She needed someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on and to lean on.

She just missed him so much.