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Chapter 3

What I Said

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Five years ago, Jaejoong had expected to do a lot of things the moment he had gotten the chance to leave Osaka and start a voyage to wherever he needed to be. What he did not expect was that a lot of people would be traveling with him back to his homeland. While some are in it to go back home as well, Han Geng and Yamapi, his chosen companions, were in it to join in on the investigation to find out the truth. The Crown Prince Yuta was also there as a diplomatic mask, something that they had agreed upon with strict conditions with Empress Unmei.

That was teaching Crown Prince Yuta in the middle of the sea.

“We’ll start revising again.” Jaejoong snipped at Yuta the moment he got his answers wrong and showed him the red marks that was on his paper.

Yuta groaned in frustration. This was the third time he was repeating the same lesson since they started this morning. “Jae-sensei, can we rest for a moment?” he begged.

“Your mother instructed me to drill this lesson on foreign diplomacy before we arrive at Seoul.” Jaejoong stated. “I understand that we are supposed to tackle this for two months, but you only have a few days to learn the basics.” He stated plainly.

The prince, in reply, huffed and looked at the window of the cabin they are in, full of books and luggage that was brought in from his own quarters. When he was told by his mother to head to Korea with his friends and tutor, he thought that he was just going to be there as a mere mask. But no, his mother had to pinch in his foreign diplomacy lessons while onboard to make sure he ‘does not cause any embarrassment to Japan’ and better learn them for his own good if he intends to court a foreigner.

In Yuta’s mind, he understood his mother why Jaejoong was being asked to drill foreign diplomacy on his head in such short notice. There has been no time that he had ever traveled without his mother to another country without her presence. This was the first time she was allowing him to go in a foreign country as the sole representative of Japan, so he understood that a lot is expected of him.

“I know, but I can’t really focus knowing that my friends are having a fun time while I’m despairing in learning.” Yuta reasoned.

Jaejoong raised a brow at him, “Are you saying learning under me is boring you?” he asked with a teasing tone.

“No! I just…” Yuta muttered.

Feeling pity on the boy, Jaejoong decided to let him off. They have been going around in circles for the past three hours anyway.

“Fine. We can continue this after dinner, but I expect you to get yourself together by then, okay?” he bargained as he closed the book he was holding.

Like clockwork, Yuta shot up from his seat with a bright smile on his face. “Yes! Thank you Jae-sensei!”

As soon as he said that, the boy was already out of the cabin to head up to the deck to meet up with his friends. Chuckling at the antics of the sixteen year-old, Jaejoong proceeded to arrange the papers so that Yuta will be able to focus on learning instead of looking at his red marks on his test results. Of course, the Empress will ask for the results of all tests he makes, and he was not sure if Yuta will be able to escape from his mother’s lectures the moment he gets back home.

Home.

That was something that Jaejoong had always thought to be Osaka. But now…

KNOCK KNOCK

Jaejoong turned to see at the door, the Prince Consort Taeyong looking at him warily, just like the rest of Yuta’s Korean friends except for Johnny, Mark and Winwin who were foreigners and were their classmates from NCTA.

“Oh, Wangsejabin-mama, do you need anything from me?” Jaejoong asked, addressing the teenager in his formal title.

Taeyong looked around, trying to distract himself and not to look at Jaejoong, but he couldn’t help but look at the man, which did not really make Jaejoong comfortable at all. If anything, he was amused for some reason.

“Is…I thought Yuta would be here…” he trailed off.

Scoffing lightly, he proceeded to gather Yuta’s papers to store them on one of his files and reports to the Empress as he replied, “The boy got out of this cabin as soon as I told him he can return to his studies about foreign diplomacy tonight after dinner.”

“Oh…” Taeyong trailed off.

Jaejoong could tell that something else is bothering Taeyong, and he knew that Yuta is not involved in this. Taking his seat as he sorted out Yuta’s papers, he motioned Taeyong to sit on the chair that Yuta was at just minutes ago. The boy seemed to take the hint and sat on the chair that was offered to him.

“Wangsejabin-mama, I know that you didn’t come here for Yuta.” Jaejoong told him as he looked at Taeyong, Yuta’s papers forgotten temporarily. “I know…that you are looking for the Jaejoong-seuseungnim in me. You might even be looking for Jungjeon-mama as well.” He told him. When the boy’s eyes widened, he knew that he was right in his deduction. “It’s not that hard to tell, seeing as I have taught you alongside Wangseja-jeoha and Daegun-daegam.”

“Taeyong.” The boy said. “You can call me Taeyong. Being called Wangsejabin-mama is uncomfortable for the people I know personally.” he insisted. “You and the Emperor had always emphasized that family should be as close as possible, and formal titles in closed doors is better dropped for familiarity’s sake.”

Jaejoong tilted his head to the side, but nodded in understanding, “Even though the said person does not remember you and only know you from the investigation photos?”

Taeyong nodded. “Jungjeon-mama.” he let out.

“Huh?” Jaejoong suddenly let out, wondering where such familiarity came from.

“That’s what the public called you before you disappeared. That’s who you are.” He stated, “But, if you would agree, would it be alright for me to call you Jaejoong-hyungnim, as I and the rest of us had been used to, even if you do not remember the times we had spent together since we met?”

Jaejoong nodded. “That would be fine. Until I can find a way to unseal my memories, I don’t want to be called by anything else other than that though. Being called Jungjeon-mama is uncomfortable at the moment.” He informed him. “Everything is so surreal.”

“If it helps, knowing that you are alive is surreal…” Taeyong told him. “When I caught a glimpse at you with Jungwoo and Doyoung a few nights before we knew you were really in Japan, we thought you were a ghost.”

The older man chuckled. “I figured as much. It must have been quite a shock, huh? The Imperial Consort suddenly appearing in Japan with no explanation, having disappeared in the route from Seoul to Jeju.” He told him. “But I know that no one is as shocked as you are than Wangseja-jeoha…”

“That is true, I won’t lie. Jaehyun tends to be…distant and closed off when he wants to be. It drove me crazy worried every time he does that." Taeyong revealed.

Ever since the voyage started and even during the arrangements for departure were being made, the Crown Prince Jaehyun had been distant, obviously avoiding him at all costs with a hesitant look on his face, only to be followed by Captain Shim in their quest to be scarce in his presence. Like they could not accept what was happening, or what they are seeing. He knew it was hard to accept that someone you held dear could no longer remember you, and Jaejoong could not blame them for that.

“Believe me, I understand why they are being distant. They don’t want to get hurt further by the fact that I am someone they no longer know.” He assured him.

“Are you really being honest with Jaehyun when you said that you didn’t intend to find out who you were at the beginning?” Taeyong inquired.

Chuckling bitterly at the forwardness of the young man, Jaejoong nodded, remembering that he told them of his initial intentions in Empress Unmei’s study that night. “For the past five years, I could not recall anything about who I am. Had Geng-niisama not discovered that I have my name embroidered on the clothes on my back, I wouldn’t even know it.” He confessed. “I decided that I would live my life and make the best out of it in hopes that I would make a new and peaceful life.”

“And you did not mind those you might have left behind?” Taeyong didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh, but when Jaejoong’s left eye twitched, he knew that it really did come out as harsh. “Sorry…I didn’t intend…”

Jaejoong shook his head. “No. You’re right. I didn’t mind. I didn’t mind because one part, I thought I didn’t care about who I was, and another is that if Geng-niisama had found me the way he did, then that would make me conclude that I was alone. My selfishness to keep a peaceful life in Osaka was what made me like this. A tutor tasked to mold the mind and instill discipline in Yuta-ouji in both magic and politics.” He sighed. “Sometimes I wish our lives were simpler…”

After his statement, Taeyong surprisingly chuckled. Looking back at the younger man who was still smiling, he gave him a questioning look which Taeyong noticed immediately. “I apologize. It’s just…even without any memories, it’s clear that you really are Kim Jaejoong.”

When he tilted his head in wonder, he continued. “Way back then, years ago, you said the same thing when you were conflicted when the Emperor was courting you. He was the Crown Prince at the time and you just got assigned in Office of the Inspector General.” He revealed. “You said that you are simply a servant of the empire, and that you do not deserve the attention he was giving you when there are a lot of nobles vying for his attention. You sometimes wish all of you led simpler lives so that you can fight them fair and square. In your exact words, by the way.”

 In an instant, a blush crept on his face, knowing himself, he must have really said that.

“Maybe that’s why Jaehyun and Changmin-hyung are still in turmoil. You act like his father, but at the same time, you’re not him without your memories. He’s hurting, but he’ll understand in time. Hopefully before we reach home.” Taeyong encouraged and stood up. “I better continue looking for Yuta. Doyoung is seriously looking for him for some reason. Thank you for your time, Jaejoong-hyungnim.” Taeyong bid with a smile as Jaejoong was left to ponder.

Is it worth breaking the hearts of the people he knew by saying outright that he’s not their Jaejoong, simply because he doesn’t have the memories?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The answer came the following night in the form of Han Geng and Yamapi (no surprises there).

When he told them about what Taeyong had pointed out, Han Geng merely hummed. “What else is new?” he asked him innocently.

Yuuri only rolled his eyes and groaned. “Is that really how I am?”

“I hate to break it to you, but Consort Lee Taeyong knows you very well.” Han Geng replied absent-mindedly.

“You always complain how you got yourself in a situation involving royals and nobles and tends to wish you just accepted a normal teaching job.” He stated.

“I guess to them, you’re no different from who you were and what you are now.” Yamapi added.

“And that is probably why Wangseja-jeoha is hurting.” Jaejoong said with a sigh. “This is getting too complicated.”

Han Geng huffed and sat down beside Jaejoong, “Hey. None of that. Everyone is confused, even me. I definitely didn’t know my little brother is royalty until a few weeks ago.” he said and pat his back. “Once we get to Seoul, we’ll clear things up and find out what in the world happened to you. The Captain Shim didn’t think it good to disclose it without the entire party present.”

He knew that Han Geng and Yamapi were trying to be reassuring, but still, the guilt is killing him inside. Making the Crown Prince Jaehyun and the rest of the Korean children that were with them upset and in turmoil is the last thing Jaejoong would do, but now, he is doing just that.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore.” Jaejoong muttered, covering his face with his hands in frustration. “Every step I make hurts the people of my past and present. Even you almost got arrested because of me!”

Yamapi snorted, “That wouldn’t be the first time he got arrested.”

Han Geng nodded good-naturedly. “I can still remember when I was arrested in Macau when I was mistakenly accused of flirting with a married woman.” He shared. “Really, if I didn’t tell the husband that I was into men, then he wouldn’t have let me leave the island.”

Jaejoong’s head shot up and looked back at him, “I didn’t expect you to be so calm about it too.”

“Oh believe me, I’m still mad at that Captain Shim roaming around the town making me look like a criminal, but I can’t be mad for being arrested. It’s one of the things that I have gotten used to over the years.” Han Geng said proudly.

“Wait, exactly how many times have you been arrested?” Jaejoong dared ask.

The Chinese merchant just smiled, “More than you think I have.” He hinted. “Now shoo, it’s almost time for Yuta-ouji’s evening lessons.”

As soon as he was out of the cabin, Han Geng and Yamapi slammed the door shut behind Jaejoong, who just sighed at their actions. Ever since getting into the ship, the two had been pushing him to interact with the Korean teenagers, and it hasn’t been going too well, seeing as it has only been two days since they left.

Since he still has at least thirty minutes before he is scheduled to drag Yuta back to study by the ear, and he had let Koko and Nene roam the deck, he decided to join the cats in a night walk.

The vessel was half a size larger than Han Geng’s, which makes it all the more perfect for any late night musings that Jaejoong does when he is distracted by a lot of things, which is a lot, these past few days.

Now he just wanted a little bit of peace.

As he was musing to himself, he suddenly noticed something go past the corner of his eye. Turning to his right, he saw the person that he least expected to be out in the night alone.

The figure of Crown Prince Jaehyun was enough of an indication that the person who was looking out into the open sea, surprisingly watching Koko and Nene walk at the edge of the ship railing every now and then and scratching them at the back of their ears when they get close enough.

Soaking up enough courage, he went to stand on his side, looking at his cats as well.

“Koko and Nene seem to like you.” He spoke.

He saw Jaehyun flinch in surprise when he spoke, and turned to look at him with a panicked look. From Jaejoong’s view, he seemed like seconds away from making a run for it.

Jaejoong bowed and smiled at him, hoping it would make him stay. “They don’t like a lot of people except for Yuta and Yamapi. Geng-niisama seemed to have a negative effect on them even though he was the one who found them and gave them to me.”

He stood beside Jaehyun, looking at the sea that looked so daunting in the moonlight.

For some reason, the young man scowled at the mention of him. “What’s your relationship with that merchant anyway?” he asked. “For him to give you two rare cat breeds, you two seem too close for comfort.”

‘Ah. He thinks we’re in that kind of relationship.’ Jaejoong concluded. It was understandable. “Well for one thing, he’s the person who saved me from dying.” He told him. He had told this to the young man days ago, but he needed him to understand that there was nothing between them. “Had he found me only a few minutes later, I would have been dead.”

He could still remember the concerned face of the Chinese man when he first woke up. “I didn’t remember anything, not even my name, but he treated me like a normal person and wasn’t the least bit suspicious and helped me get a life in Osaka.” He continued, “Six months later, I became the tutor to Yuta, and my peaceful life had gone on. Until a few weeks ago.” he told him.

“When that merchant went to Seoul and to Heechul-hyungnim’s shop.” Jaehyun filled in himself.

Jaejoong sighed. “Yes. And when Yamapi came back from the Gathering for Kim Hyunjoong’s trial.” When he saw Jaehyun stiffen, he knew exactly that he knew about it. “You were there at the trial, weren’t you?” he guessed. “As the family member of the aggrieved party, you and Emperor Yunho had the right to go to the hearing. Yamapi didn’t know until he arrived at The Hague that he would be presiding over the trial that involved me. He didn’t want to tell you until he had definite proof that the person Geng-niisama found almost dying in the middle of the sea was the missing Imperial Consort. Everything is still confusing to me, really, and I don’t know what I would do when we arrive at Seoul.”

“But…after this…if you get your memories back, will you come back?”

The question made Jaejoong’s eyes widen as he watched the Crown Prince remove his glamor of being a hormonal defensive teenager and showed his true emotions in his eyes: hurting and longing for the parent that he thought was lost to him forever, and might still lose, depending on his decision.

His instinct wanted to grab him and embrace him in hopes that it would make him feel better, but Jaejoong knew better. To him, Crown Prince Jung Jaehyun was a stranger, and he could not lie about it. He knew nothing except what the books and the court gossip mill knew, and it hurt him that he was hurting the teenager just by being there.

“I…don’t know.” Jaejoong admitted to him. “I want to find out who I am, and I want to recover my memories. As it stands, until I solve this piece of my life, I don’t know what I will do.”

Jaehyun seemed to be silent, considering everything. Glancing back at the cats, he spoke again, “You know…you have another cat, Jiji, and she won’t like the fact that you gave her siblings.” He commented.

Jiji. That was the name of the cat in some of his photos, a Russian Blue cat breed that was given to him by his father when he was assigned to a Russian envoy to the palace when he was still studying in Sungkyunkwan.

“I see.” Jaejoong let out, not really knowing what to say at the mention of the cat that might have already been holding a grudge against him. “I’ll leave you with Koko and Nene. I need to hunt down Yuta for his remedial lessons.” He bid the boy.

But before he could get far enough, Jaehyun stopped him. “Jaejoong-hyu—I mean…Jaejoong-sh—umm…”

Ah. Another reason that the boy might be avoiding him was that he does not know how to address him. Jaejoong had to let him off on that.

Smiling, he read his mind, “Do you want to accompany me in looking for Yuta then? If my guess is correct, he might be with Doyoung-sshi and the others.”

Jaehyun could only nod as he followed Jaejoong, and the cats followed. No one noticed Changmin was watching the entire exchange in his hiding place, brandishing a longing look.

“Even without your memories, Jaejoong-hyung, you’re still him…” he sighed and looked at the moon, “What will you do when you see him again, Yunho-hyung…?”

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The moment Jaejoong woke up, he immediately felt too cold.

His body trembled a bit as he was stirred awake by the temperature, but it wasn’t cold enough to make him freeze to death.

Dressing in thick clothing, he decided to head to the deck to know where they were at.

What met him above deck was harsh cold wind and grey skies, but the crew doesn’t seem too fazed, except for the fact that Jaehyun was frowning and Changmin was beside him, trying to calm him down and looking at the sky.

“Of all days for us to come back home, it had to be a day where the weather is like a storm is a day away from raging in the capital.” The young man grumbled.

Changmin didn’t seem fazed at the possibility. “Don’t stress yourself. You know this will go away in a matter of hours.” He told him, trying to placate the teenager beside him.

“That’s why I hate it. They’re always unpredictable.”

“You say the same thing about Taeyong, look where the two of you are now.” Changmin teased. “But most of all, I’m concerned about Binnie back at the palace.”

“I know…” Jaehyun replied softly.

Binnie? The name sounds familiar to Jaejoong, and he couldn’t help but feel warm inside in hearing the name again in his mind.

Deciding to make his presence known, he approached the two with a small smile. “Good morning. I see that we are almost there?”

Changmin froze in his presence, but Jaehyun, who had been spending at least a few minutes with Jaejoong for the past few days, was a bit relaxed. “Oh, good morning, Jaejoong-hyungnim.”

Within the week from their conversation at the deck that night, Jaejoong had given him permission to just call him ‘hyungnim’ as Taeyong had decided to call him, just so he wouldn’t be confused what to call him. Taeyong himself had told him that even though Jaehyun was the adopted son of Emperor Yunho and himself, he still calls them hyungnim behind closed doors. After all, Jaejoong was Jaehyun’s babysitter back in the day when he was working with Go So-ui in the Imperial Mage Office.

Captain Shim though, he is a tough one to decipher.

From his files that Han Geng gave him, Shim Changmin was the son of the Chief Secretary to the former emperor Young-min. A young man who entered the palace and entered the palace with his peers, Cho Kyuhyun and Choi Minho, he rose to the ranks as a military officer and has been by Emperor Yunho’s side since the beginning, even before the time where the Order of the Red Pearl had been established.

Captain Shim acted as the main protector of Emperor Yunho and assisted him in military matters during the dethronement of the former monarch, and has since been the captain of the Emperor’s Private Guard, the highest honor a military officer could ever achieve.

Known to be cheerful to those close to him, and cold to his adversaries, the man never had a filter in his body, stating facts and sass everywhere he goes. Which was why it was curious that the captain was silent the entire trip, only speaking to him when necessary. It bothered Jaejoong for a bit, but he was not one to talk anyways.

Changmin nodded. “We are two hours away, but as you know, we will be splitting up with the boys while they accompany Crown Prince Yuta using the main road on their way to Changgyeong Palace, while we will be taking the off road there. That palace is sealed off to the public and the rest of the court as the closed private residence of the Imperial family in times that they need to be in isolation.” He explained.

Jaejoong did not like to go incognito one bit, which made his nose wrinkle in disapproval. “I don’t understand why I have to be separate from Yuta. He is my responsibility while I am here, and it doesn’t sit right with me that we have to travel separately.”

“Your face being in the main road is dangerous in itself. With your face alone, everyone in the village will recognize you since you always integrate yourself in the village, going anywhere and everywhere. You caused this you know.” Changmin replied.

Jaejoong had to admit, he is shocked at the wording of the captain. His no-filter personality was very accurate in the case files. He didn’t expect it to be so sharp though.

Jaehyun sighed, knowing the captain’s personality. “To explain it better, Jaejoong-hyungnim, while we will definitely give you a disguise, there are some things that cannot be hidden in plain sight. Your face is too well-known.” He told him.

“I thought members of the imperial family are not to go outside the palace unless it’s for diplomatic and rounds purposes?” Jaejoong wondered.

“Yes, that’s true, but before your marriage, you are a yangban who was assigned to different offices that requires you to mingle with the public. Almost everyone knows how you look like.” Changmin pointed out as he handed him a black cloak with red embroideries. “Once we dock, wear this.”

Jaejoong took the fabric and unfolded it, showing the beautiful embroideries and small crystal embellishments on the seams. For him, it seems familiar. “This cloak…have I seen this before?” he wondered out loud.

He didn’t notice the look of shock from the two as he was still staring at the cloak.

“You…used to wear that to sneak away with Yunho-hyungnim when you wanted some alone time. I think you were the one who enchanted it, since this one masks your presence from everyone but him when you wear it.” Jaehyun explained.

Jaejoong blushed at the praise. Did he really do this himself?

Well, he couldn’t really tell right now, but even if he did, this was really impressive for a mage like him to do such a thing to a piece of clothing. Imbuing magic in the embroideries takes a big toll even on mages halfway.

Wearing it was like being welcomed back, and Jaejoong decided to silently revel in its familiarity. For him, it felt like being one step closer to his past.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

No one commented on the cloak again when they disembarked the vessel. They docked at a closed-off part of Han River reserved for the royal vessel where they made sure no one had seen them with the use of concealment charms that were installed in several parts of the ship.

Once they were sure that everything was secured, Yamapi, Yuta, Jaehyun and the other teenagers proceeded to load themselves on the carriages that will take them to the main road to Changgyeong Palace. Yuta had also taken it upon himself to bring with him Koko and Nene too. Apparently Doyoung took a liking to the cats and would not miss a chance to spend more time with the young noble. Yamapi called Yuta an opportunistic romantic.

Jaejoong, Han Geng and Changmin, on the other hand, proceeded to venture into the thick forest of trees with little to no trail at all. Jaehyun had assured him that Changmin knows the forest like the back of his hand, something about getting used to it out of necessity for their previous endeavors. It makes him think how many times Changmin had tried to sneak out in his youth. He must be very troublesome.

As they passed through the forest, Jaejoong could see the roofs of the back of the palace. His heart raced as they neared it, and no one seemed to notice it.

Halfway through the forest, the three of them stopped to see two red cloaked figures. The two held up two lamps to them, as the forest and cold fog were slightly thicker than they had anticipated.

Changmin alone walked towards them. “Be like me, my heart is filled with a growing Innocence.” He started.

“Like a flame burning brightly,” the taller figure replied.

“Like the last radiant sunset,” the shorter one added.

“I’m waiting for the rising sun.” Changmin finished.

The tension in the air that wasn’t supposed to be there broke, and Changmin took of his hood. “Thank every living deity we’re back.” He grumbled.

The two figures took off their hoods as well, and Jaejoong’s jaw almost fell upon recognizing the two of them from the pictures on his file. The Chief State Councilor, the Yeonguijeong, Park Yoochun and his husband, Imperial Shaman Kim Junsu.

“It’s good that you’re back.” Yoochun stated with a sigh. “Yunho-hyung has been beside himself worrying about you and the boys.”

Changmin sighed. “There were setbacks.” He replied as he motioned the two to look behind him.

Yoochun and Junsu looked behind Changmin to see Han Geng taking off his hood with Jaejoong, who was just waiting for something to drop or crash.

“Oh my goodness, Hyung!” Junsu cried out as he ran towards Jaejoong so fast he felt like lightning. “What have you been doing in Japan all this time, Jaejoong-hyung?!” he asked frantically. “You even missed my wedding!”

Jaejoong felt words escape his mouth as he looked at the expectant look in the shaman’s face. “I…”

But before he could continue, Changmin interrupted him, “Junsu-hyung, this is not the time to ask him that.” He advised. “There’s…something wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Junsu asked as he stared at Jaejoong in the eye. When Changmin simply shrugged, Junsu took it upon himself to touch Jaejoong’s cheek. Jaejoong felt warm, but the warmth quickly went up to his head, and in an instant, Junsu’s hand glowed and suddenly, realization hit him. “Oh dear…”

“What is it?” Yoochun asked his husband.

Junsu looked at Jaejoong longingly and retracted his hand. He faced Yoochun and shook his ehad, “We need to head to the palace now. This is not the place to discuss things.

His voice of urgency alerted Yoochun that whatever Junsu saw in the missing Imperial Consort, it was not good.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jaejoong and Han Geng were smuggled into the palace grounds using passages that no one would even dare venture into unless they knew the layout of the palace like the back of their hands. And that was how Changmin, Junsu and Yoochun did it as they were led to the palace stables, as told by Changmin who filled them in on why they were doing this.

If someone from the royal household saw him, they would immediately start spreading the news that the Imperial Consort has been found, or that they have seen his ghost for some reason. That would lead to a lot of speculation and might alert anyone who did not deserve to know that information.

The walk took at least two hours, with silence reigning inside. The Chief State Councilor and the Imperial Shaman were silent, until Yoochun himself broke it when it became unbearable.

“Now, you told me that there is something that set the two of you back in Japan?” Yoochun started.

“We can’t let them explain things over and over again, husband.” Junsu stated, looking at Jaejoong sympathetically, knowing what was wrong. “We need to wait for Yunho-hyung.”

“Where’s Yunho-hyung anyway?” Changmin asked the two.

“I already sent word to him before we left that you were about to arrive. He’s at the Tongmyeongjeon when we left him.” Junsu informed them.

Jaejoong suddenly felt himself stiffen.

He was going to meet the Emperor of Korea, his supposed husband. What do you say to a man you don’t even remember marrying or loving? ‘I’m sorry I was gone, but I had amnesia and can’t remember you?’ or is it, ‘Hi! How have you been doing while I was gone and not remembering or caring about you?’

Both sounded stupid and rude that would probably end him up in a guillotine. From what Jaejoong knew, Changmin or the children had not said a word about him on his memories being sealed, but the concerned face of Junsu when his magic coursed through his head made him realize that the shaman knew what happened, and he was intent on waiting for the right time to voice out his knowledge of these things.

Sensing his distress, Yoochun looked back at Jaejoong. “All these years…you had all of us worried. Not just us, but also your parents and your sisters. The Emperor was close to sending out the entire military as search party to every part of the world just to locate you.”

Jaejoong’s head shot up in shock. For a mere consort that he can replace, why would he go to attempt such a thing?

“Yoochun. That’s enough making him nervous. He’s going to overthink again.” Junsu stated.

“So you’ve caught on.” Han Geng said, observing the councilor and the shaman.

The shaman looked at Han Geng, “It’s not that difficult if you are well-versed in the mind arts.” He stated.

“What are the two of you talking about?” Yoochun wondered.

“We need to wait for Yunho-hyung first.” Junsu insisted as he motioned his head to a certain direction.

Jaejoong and Han Geng followed his gaze for them to see a beautiful infrastructure at the end of the forest, far away from the village itself. It was like an escape house, miles away from the nearest village. From the humming of magic in the air, Jaejoong knew that it was warded very well, keeping anyone who wish the occupants harm far away. A familiar magic signature was also mixed in the barriers, but he left that thought to himself.

“This place…” Han Geng muttered. “This is not part of the visible property of the private palace, isn’t it?”

Changmin was the one who answered. “This part of the palace is the rest house that was re-built by Yunho-hyung’s mother. This land was a wedding gift from her brother-in-law after her wedding. She designed all of this, and Yunho considers this as his second home.” He shared. “This is an escape haven of sorts.” He stated.

“And this is where Yunho-hyung has been for the past few days since Jaehyun sent word that they would be arriving soon with you.” Yoochun informed. “No one in the court ever questions why he went here as soon as possible in isolation as he had been doing this kind of thing for the past five years…”

Again, a pang of guilt ran through Jaejoong at the words of the shaman.

Looking annoyed, Junsu hit the back of his husband’s head. “Nice going! Now do be quiet. We’re here.” He said as they entered the hidden gate to the residence.

Jaejoong marveled at the enclosed residence. The stone path led to the main door of the hall, and it surroundings was a beautiful garden that even in the cold afternoon, created an ethereal glow in the area.

As soon as they all got near the front door, they all heard the front door open to reveal a harried man wearing a red and black po. Jaejoong noticed that they are the usual clothes for scholars and officers off-duty, the same clothing Changmin and the boys wore while they were in Japan as guests. He was handsome as handsome does, the most noticeable feature in the man was the mole just above his lip. There was no way he would not recognize the Emperor Jung Yunho up close.

As if on instinct, Jaejoong stood up in attention as the man—the Emperor—stood at the door, staring at him in disbelief, shock, and most of all, relief.

But all Jaejoong could give the man was uncertainty and a questioning look on who he really is in his life.

“Jaejoong-ah…” the Emperor muttered. Jaejoong can’t help but to admire his soft and loving voice, but he had to rein himself in.

For what stood in front of him was not his husband—he does not even remember the man—but the Emperor of the Korean Empire.

And for some reason, he felt his heart grow heavy at the thought.

Emperor Yunho started approaching him, and the three others made way. And in a split second, he was engulfed in a relieved embrace. Jaejoong could only widen his eyes in shock as he felt his arms tighten around him, as if he had no intention of letting him go. Ever.

“Joongie, you’re back…” he muttered in his ear.

“Eh?” Jaejoong uttered in reply as Yunho broke the embrace and held his shoulders tightly as he looked at him questioningly in the eyes.

“Where have you been this whole time? You’ve been gone for five years…what happened to you? Where did Hyunjoong hide you?” he asked. “Everyone is worried, even your parents and your sisters and the others back in the main palace. Even Samuel is worried about you. Why did you not contact anyone to know that you were safe? We have been searching the entire empire for you.”

“I…” Jaejoong was finding it hard to answer his questions. They were coming by one by one, and Jaejoong did not know anything to answer back to him.

As if sensing that he needed help, Changmin stepped in. “Yunho-hyung. Stop with the fast questions. Can’t you see he’s confused?”

“What do you mean, Changmin-ah?” Yunho questioned.

When he knew that the Emperor is distracted enough, Jaejoong reached up to his hands and removed them from his shoulder gently, as to not offend the man in any way. He looked at him with apologetic eyes.

When Yunho looked at him with a questioning look, he knew that he would be breaking his heart in saying his next words.

“Jeonha…I apologize…” he started.

The man looked confused, and rightfully so. “What…why are you speaking to me so formally, Jaejoong? Have I done something?”

Jaejoong simply shook his head and continued. “No, nothing of that sort.” He denied.

“Then what?” he dared ask.

“It’s just…” he gathered all the strength he could muster. “I came here to find out who I am.”

The man was still looking at him in disbelief. “Who you are? Jaejoong, you’re talking in cryptic. Why do you want to find out who you are?”

“Because, Jeonha…I do not remember you. I don’t know who you are in my life…”

At that point, Jaejoong could hear in his head that he had shattered his heart.

And maybe, his heart did too.

Yunho took a step back at him, eyeing him in disbelief. “What?” he then turned to the people in the room. Jaejoong could see from the corner of his eyes that the only one who was shocked other than the Emperor was Yoochun, understandably so.

“What is going on here?” Yunho demanded them.

Yoochun composed himself, eying Yunho. “Yunho-hyung. It’s best if we take this inside.” He started. “This will be a very long discussion.” He said, eyes never leaving Jaejoong as well.

Jaejoong can’t help but agree.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jaejoong found himself seated at the receiving room of the residence, beside him was Han Geng who attached himself to him for support, as he was the only one who knew the entire situation with Jaejoong. Across from them were Junsu and Yoochun, and on his right was Changmin seated at the armchair near the window where he made himself comfortable, looking at the windowsill while listening to Han Geng’s story.

“I found Jaejoong in the middle of the sea on my way to Osaka.” Han Geng had started telling them. “He was almost dying of hypothermia when the crew and I found him. He was unconscious for five more days in my care. When he woke up, he could not remember anything.” Han Geng glanced at a distraught Jaejoong. “We only knew his name based on the name that was embroidered on his clothing.” He told him. “He did not know who he was, so I adopted him as my brother and gave him my surname, Han.”

“Wait a moment.” Yunho said, listening to his every word while he was seated across them all, fingers linked and his mouth set on a straight line, assessing every word he spoke, “Heechul informed me that you bought it from a traveling merchant.” He countered.

A normal pretender would immediately backtrack, but Han Geng knew that the man was trying to figure out the reason why he lied to Heechul in the first place. “I said that to him to mislead him. I came here to Seoul to find out who Jaejoong truly is, while making sure none of the people here knew he is alive. Can you blame me, when I rescued a man who had lost his memories? I knew for a fact that he is someone that one wants dead, judging from the fact that I found him in the Yamato Basin, a body of water so far from the actual place he was attacked. Even more so when I found that his clothing is of high quality and would usually be worn by someone of the noble class as I was.”

“Then why have you not travelled here sooner to find out?” Yoochun inquired.

“Because I was only licensed to sell my wares here a few weeks ago. I cannot go here without any reason. Imagine, a man from China suddenly roaming around Seoul asking around if they knew a man from a noble family who might have gone missing? I don’t think it would be productive in the least. That would only alert his attackers that he was still alive and would hunt him down. It wouldn’t take them too much time to scour the entire Northern hemisphere.” Han Geng stated.

“So I brought Jaejoong to Osaka and introduced him to the Japanese Imperial Mage, Tomohisa Yamaa. His family and mine go way back when I was younger, and I studied with him for a few years. I even grew up knowing Yuta-ouji. I knew that he would help Jaejoong integrate himself to a new home, seeing as he couldn’t even remember where he was from. When he got the job as the Crown Prince’s tutor, I’ve left him under Yamapi’s care while I continued on with my business. We keep in touch as I am often in Osaka.” He stated.

Junsu was still skeptical about the matter. “Then why did you pursue finding out who you are after five years, when you could have found out for yourself immediately?” he directed the question at Jaejoong.

From the looks of things, everyone—especially the Emperor—are dying to hear what he had to say about it.

“I…didn’t want to.” Jaejoong confessed, earning surprised looks from everyone but Han Geng and Changmin who knew why. “I used to think that I was the only one who survived a bad storm that led me being in the middle of the ocean, so I didn’t dive into who I was, no matter how many times Yamapi and Geng-niisama urged me to. I just…wanted a quiet life.” He started. “What made me think of reconsidering it are my dreams…”

“Dreams?” Yunho asked.

“I…for five years, I’ve been having frequent dreams of being in a ship, and battling someone using magic. I always see an entire crew being held forcefully on the floor until…I surrendered. The next thing I know, everything went dark. That’s all I keep recalling until I woke up. But recently, they have become more vivid. It started becoming vivid a few weeks before The Gathering.”

No one needed to know which one he had talked about. Knowing that he is in association with Yamapi, who had been one of the summoned mages of high ranking, Jaejoong knew that as well.

“Geng-niisama urged me to find out where my clothing came from, so I gave him the dalryeongpo. Everything came spilling out once I found out that The Gathering was for the trial of my disappearance.” He ended. “All I wanted was to get closure on my past. But it seems…it’s not that easy at all.”

“Because your past is very much still your present.” Junsu concluded. “From the moment I touched you with my magic, I knew something was wrong.” He started. “Your memories were sealed.”

Jaejoong nodded. “I know.”

“And you have not done anything?” Yoochun inquired.

Han Geng was the one who spoke, “Yamapi, also saw through the seal. He told us that the seal was something that needed a trigger to break. If we break it by force…” Han Geng trailed off, knowing that they can conclude the possibility themselves.

“Then we have to find it.” Yunho decided. Everyone turned to look at him. “If what Mage Yamaa says is true, then all we have to do is to find the trigger.”

“It’s not that easy, Yunho-hyung. The trigger could be anything.” Junsu stated.

“Then what do you suggest we do? Stay and do nothing?” Yunho’s voice was becoming strained, and it worried Jaejoong. “Everything that Jaejoong has is here in Seoul. And if I know him well—which I do—then it might be found here.”

For some reason, Jaejoong felt a bit touched at his idea, but quickly dismissed it, telling himself that what was in front of him was the Emperor, not a common man.

“That just might work.” Changmin declared. “Earlier, when we handed you your cloak, you sensed that you had seen it somewhere, even before I told you that it was yours. Some of your things might be the trigger that you needed.”

“Then it is settled.” Yunho declared.

Junsu was not the least bit buying it though, “Yunho-hyung. Stop and think. I know that you want him to remember immediately, but these things take time and extra help.” He stated.

“Then we call in the External Order and Star Shamans.” Yunho decided.

Yoochun rubbed his temples. “Hyung…we’re basically calling them from the main palace and to wherever the External Order members are at the moment.” He said. “This will get me a huge headache.”

“Junmyeon is already at the main palace. He can call on them back at any time so you can cut back on the headache.”

“Hyung!” Yoochun argued.

Jaejoong was flustering badly. He wanted to refuse the man, to tell him not to bother with sticking around to find the trigger to unlock his memories, but upon looking at his eyes, he saw a glimmer of hope and despair mixing into one, and he could swear that there was a tinge of fear of rejection in them.

So he did the only thing that he can at the time. “Alright.” Jaejoong decided, gaining their attention. “But…do you really have to call the shamans and the External Order of the Imperial Mage Office for this?”

Changmin and Junsu chuckled. “The members of the External Order were your students. They have been out of the capital multiple times looking for you and would be more than willing to help. The Star Shamans are more versed in sensing possible curses in connection with the External Order. And besides…” Changmin trailed off.

“The Star Shamans are my disciples and they can give us any help that we need in terms of curses.” Junsu said. “Besides, Key is with the shaman trainees in the Astral Shrine, so they will be returning with Binnie as well.”

“Binnie…?” Jaejoong repeated the name, remembering that Changmin also said it in passing.

The room went silent all of a sudden at his mention of the name.

Junsu, who was the calmer one, sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder, “It’ Moonbin.”

Moonbin.

The Grand Prince. His son with the Emperor through magical surrogacy with the assistance of Yunho’s cousin, Princess Sooyeong.

So he was called Binnie.

Jaejoong had to mentally slap himself at the recollection that he actually has an actual blood-related son.

Junsu continued to speak when he read his eyes that he was having an inner fight with himself. “We don’t blame you if you don’t remember Moonbin,” he started. “Just know that he has been missing you as well, and we won’t hold it against you if you don’t want to interact with others in your past yet until we find a way to unseal your memories, alright?”

Jaejoong had to thank the man for hi angelic message. He really didn’t know what he needed to do in order to regain his memories, but he knew for a fact that if he interacted with more people in his past, he will just end up hurting them, knowing that he does not remember them.

From behind Junsu, he could see that Yunho and Yoochun had stopped arguing about the urgent summons the moment Jaejoong spoke Moonbin’s nickname.

And he can’t help but feel bad.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After the heavy conversation earlier, Junsu took it upon himself to disperse the gathering and decided to let the new arrivals—them—rest for the day, as it had been a long journey. He had also promised to send word to the boys in the main palace to head to the residence tomorrow so that they could get a good rest as well.

Changmin led them to the guest room where Jaejoong would share with Han Geng. The Emperor had originally volunteered to show them, but Jaejoong refused out of embarrassment, saying that he did not want to burden him any further.

He could swear that the hurt look in Emperor Yunho’s eyes made his chest clench as hard as it could. He didn’t know if it was guilt, but it felt close to it. Even more than the mysterious longing that popped into the background.

Now Jaejoong sat at the bed nearest the open window, gazing at the falling snow where he saw Koko and Nene roaming around the grounds, wishing that he could find the answer to all of this immediately. It was clear to him that he was hurting the Emperor—while it was unintentional, it was still bad.

“You’re thinking about the Emperor.” Han Geng didn’t need any preamble as he stared at his brother gazing at the window, probably recounting what happened from the moment they set foot in the capital.

Jaejoong looked back at his knowing friend. “Do I look evil to you, Geng-niisama?”

“Physically, no, not at all.” Han Geng answered quickly as he sat at the bed across from him. “What brought this on?”

“I feel like…every single word that comes out of my mouth hurt the Emperor. Like when I refused to allow him to show us to this room, or when I told him that I don’t remember him, or when I told him I just wanted to find out who I was and try to move on…I…” Jaejoong started ranting.

Han Geng’s eyes saddened as he looked at him, “Jaejoong. I’ll be honest, those words did hurt him more than you think it did, but I don’t think the Emperor blames you.” He stated. “He knows the situation, and he’s going to deal with it as he sees fit.” He told him. “What matters is what you want to do after you find your trigger.”

He was right by all accounts, but Jaejoong can’t bring himself to convince his own head and heart that he shouldn’t feel too guilty about it, but here he was, feeling guilty all the same.

“If it helps, I’ll be there to be the voice of reason.” Han Geng assured him. “But there’s something I’m catching up on this.” He muttered.

Jaejoong tilted his head in wonder. “What?”

Han Geng leaned back on the bed, “I’ve been thinking, no one has been saying anything about why you were attacked. We theorized that it might be because of a lovesick noble, but with the way things are progressing and their reactions on every word we say…I think there’s something else.”

He would be lying if he said he didn’t notice the subtle glances that the three were directing at him, and there were things that they were not saying, even Jaehyun and Taeyong during their journey.

“I also did my research with the House of Go, with the help of Yamapi.” Han Geng replied. “They’re the family who tried to discourage his match with you long before the dethronement of the former ruler.”

“For some reason, I’m not at all surprised.” Jaejoong admitted.

The other man shook his head, “Not just that, but that house is also rumored to be responsible for the banishment of the former Grand Prince Sooman.”

“You mean the founder of NCTA?”

“The very same.” Han Geng replied. “Not long after, Go Ara was chosen as the concubine of the former Emperor Young-min, and had borne him the Crown Prince Jaehyun. Most of the public expected after his dethronement that the Crown Prince title will be going to Grand Prince Moonbin since you are the primary spouse, but that didn’t happen for some reason.” Han Geng stated. “But from the looks of things, the Emperor had already taken care of it by adopting him for his own protection. It seems that the concubines were exiled, except for Go So-ui.”

Jaejoong hummed at the thought. Hearing the information from Han Geng, it felt like he had something to do with it…but he couldn’t pinpoint it. “They already have Jaehyun as the Crown Prince, why go so far as to attempt to eliminate me then?” he wondered.

“They will be targeting you. You need to be more careful, they know how you move.”

“Do you really think I couldn’t see through them on each of their actions?”

“It’s not that but…”

“They have gotten away with a lot of things for too long. What’s eliminating me going to do to them than to end up executed?”

“Jae…”

“Please. I know what I am doing.”

At that instant, Jaejoong felt a slight sting on his head. The abrupt sting involuntarily led his hand on his forehead, alarming Han Geng.

“Jaejoong, what is it?” Han Geng asked, concerned.

Jaejoong stared at the wall and then at Han Geng, “I…” he then shook his head, “No, it’s nothing. Must be too tired from all of this…” he lied.

Han Geng almost didn’t believe him, or maybe he really didn’t buy it, but he allowed him to let it die down. “If you say so. Get some rest. I still have to do some things. I did bring paperwork with me.”

With that, Jaejoong had allowed himself a semblance of peace, until he felt himself being taken by fatigue and fell asleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He didn’t know how long he was asleep, but from the window, it was already in the middle of the night, and beside him, Han Geng was already fast asleep.

Not wanting to wake the man but was not willing to just lie down and go back to bed again, he decided to get out of the bedroom to find the living room. Junsu had informed him that the receiving room fireplace was always lit, and Jaejoong kind of wanted some warmth while he thought things over.

Venturing into the corridors was not hard. The layout was pretty simple, and he easily found the staircase that led to the receiving room.

He was about to step out of the corridor when he heard voices.

“How could he not remember anything…?” the anguished voice of the Emperor tore Jaejoong to pieces. “Jaejoong is here, within my reach, but…he’s not my Jaejoong …he doesn’t remember…”

“Give him time, Yunho-hyung. He’s had his memories sealed for the better part of two years. I’m amazed at the strength of the seal.” The voice of the shaman stated. “But I’m not surprised, as we worked with Hyunjoong.”

He heard Yoochun grunt in frustration. “You said that it can only be broken with a proper trigger? How could we find that out?”

“You don’t.” Junsu’s response was quick, simple, but stinging. “The trigger is something only the caster is aware of, and since Hyunjoong did not disclose this before he was frozen, we have no chance of guessing right the first time.” 

“Then what do you suggest we do?” he heard Changmin ask.

“Knowing Hyunjoong, he made the trigger something that is very important to the one he cast it on. That’s the nature of the spell. They seal memories that can only be triggered by a certain word, statement, or something that reminded them of an event. Jaejoong-hyung having vivid dreams right after Hyunjoong was arrested meant that the seal is weakening, but not enough to completely break it.” Junsu explained. “But other than that…” she trailed off with a sigh. “What are you going to do now, Yunho-hyung?”

Jaejoong was anticipating the man’s response. It was strange, but every time the Emperor speaks, he feels like butterflies were in his stomach, which unnerved and embarrassed him.

“I don’t know.” The Emperor replied in an anguished voice. “I want…I want him to remember, but I don’t want to force myself to him. That might drive him further away from me…from all of us…”

“And here I thought you have more backbone than that.” Junsu said sharply.

Yoochun gave his husband a warning response, “Junsu.”

It seems that his tone did not affect him, and Junsu continued, “Jung Yunho. The first time you tried to woo Jaejoong-hyung, you fought battles against himself and tried your best to get him to fall for you despite him having doubts about you and where your relationship might take you. You had succeeded after years of hard work, to the point where you were given two children, and now that you are back to square one, you are giving up this easily?” Junsu lectured. “Where is the Passionate Jung Yunho in you?”

“I…” the Emperor tried to let out, but he was interrupted by the younger man again.

“All there is to do is to try again, Hyung. Try again, as you have done in the past. That’s all there is to it.” Changmin said, switching to a softer voice, but cutting all the same.

Jaejoong didn’t know what was happening and what they were doing, but he could hear that the Emperor had broken into sobs and was crying in someone’s arms.

It hurt Jaejoong to hear more of the conversation and decided to quietly head back to the bedroom. Thankfully, Han Geng was still asleep, and Koko and Nene found solace in sitting on his bed. The cats was still awake, staring at him expectantly, as if they was waiting for him ever since he got out.

“Waiting for me, huh?” Jaejoong mused as he scratched the two behind the ears. “The Emperor is doing the same.” He mumbled. “Koko, Nene, if I told you what I intend to do, what would you think?”

The cats simply tilted their heads to the side, saying ‘Don’t ask us. We’re just cats.’

Jaejoong chuckled at that and gazed at the night sky.

The place screamed a lot of things to him, and from the moment he set foot in the country.

He knew he belonged here, and he knew that there was something he needed to do after hearing everything from Han Geng and the conversation between the Emperor and his most trusted people.

Taking a deep breath in the cold night, Jaejoong finally made the decision.

“I want to remember.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Morning will come and I know we’ll be one

‘Cause I still believe that you’ll remember me

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

To Be Continued

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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