The training room was filled with the sound of the piano.

“Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, la, t-“ the note went off tuned. The piano stopped and the singer sighed in dejection, grabbing his bottle on the top of the piano, gulping it down.

“You need to take this easy, Jinki.” Mr. Kim, the vocal trainer said.

The stubborn leader of K-pop group, SHINee shook his head, “Let’s do it again.”

Mr. Kim nodded but not before saying, “this is the last try Jinki. You know we can’t push this. We are stuck at this note for the past hour.”

Hitting the neutral note on the piano, the singer started again. “Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, l- “Jinki could very well feel the strain on his vocal cords. Letting out an angry grunt, the man slump down of the floor, head lowered, dejected tears threatening to fall.

The vocal trainer look down at the singer and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “We are in the early stage of rehab. You are doing good, Jinki. We have come really far from the first note.” Seeing no response from the dejected singer, he collected his things and continued, “Let’s end the session today. Go back and have a rest. We will try again next week.”

Kim Yeon Woo left the room but not before looking back again at the singer. Closing the door, he sighed.

SHINee’s leader, Onew, had to put a halt to all his individual and group activities for a vocal polyps removal 3 months ago. The inability to speak, sitting out on concerts that could not be cancelled, giving up on gigs that he had worked hard on and having his team mates covering his schedules had taken its tolls and built an unknowingly pressure on the responsible leader. It had taken one month after the surgery for him to make sounds, another for others to hear him speak and while he was elated, the doctor had cautioned about singing. Numerous vocal therapy that felt like he was learning to speak all over again, he was finally given an all clear for singing. Excited that he was finally able to get back on stage, the singer had excitedly hopped into training with the company’s vocal trainers and it turned out to be a disaster. SHINee’s leader and lead singer, Lee Jinki, could not hit the vocal range of a rookie singer and his voice projection was so bad, the trainer did not know how they could put him back into the team.

When Mr. Kim checked on his protégé, he learnt about the hurdles they were facing with the singer and how he was all dispirited and thinking about his future. All for his favourite young singer, the well-known singer and vocal coach volunteered for the job. He had slowly pulled the depressed singer out of his rabbit hole and they started from basic, the solfège scale in crescendo and how to project the voice without giving undue stress to the vocal chords. Another month had passed and they had made progress, but not fast enough for the anxious singer. Without mastering the scale, there was no way the teacher could move them into the actual singing of a song.

In the room, Jinki raised his head and leaned it against the legs of the piano, tears rolling down from the corners. He wanted to shout, wanted to scream, wanted so much to go back on stage, in front of the Ocean of Pearl Aqua.

“That’s where I belong.” He thought as he wipes the tears away. “This is so hard. Everything is so hard.” Letting the emotional surge ride itself away, Jinki grabbed his medication and downed the rest of the liquid in his bottle. Picking himself off the floor, he exited the training room.

He peeked into other training rooms as he walked down the corridor.  There were company’s trainees practicing their dance routine, singing with the aid of vocal coaches and playing with instruments trying to link chords together to compose a song, some greeted him as they met along the corridor. His legs unconsciously bought him to the rooftop of the building. He walked to the edge and look down at the view of the city. Back in 2006, when he too was a trainee trying to make it to the industry, trying to find a space to train his vocal. There were trainees everywhere and he had ended up on the rooftop, away from all the noise and people,

“This brings back memories.” Jinki muttered to himself, surprised that there was no one here. He settled on the top of the parapet wall where he used to sit and sing to his heart contents. “Now I am back here. My dream are alive, but it could be gone soon.” Jinki thought bitterly. He ped his backpack and took out a few envelopes. They were in colours of pastel green, some with elaborate decoration, some just plain white. Those were fan letters. He always carries some on himself. Like caffine to office works, nicotine to smokers, these little envelopes were is his source of energy and motivation for the past 3 months as he battled his muteness.

The news of his surgery came as the great shock to his fans and before long, gifts and letters of encouragement came flooding in from all over the world. Of course, his family and team members were by his side and helping him along the way. But when they were gone and he was alone, resting at home after the surgery, unable to speak, unable to express, these letters were what pushed him forward, motivated him and fired his desire to stand back on stage. 

Picking two of the envelopes, he open and read its contents, the fan was once again giving him encouragement, telling him that no matter how long, they would wait. Their wish that he would come back healthy. Jinki felt fuelled again. He could do this. Just a little while more, Shawols. I will be coming back. He closed his eyes, soaking in the fading sunlight and late afternoon breeze, basked in memories of his trainee days and his letters. He didn’t know how long he stayed there until a finger poked his cheeks. Startled, he opened his eyes to come face-to-face with his teammate, Lee Tae Min.

“It’s me hyung” Taemin replied. He climbed up the parapet wall and joined the leader there. The pair watch as the skyline darken. “What are you thinking about? I called you twice.” He took the two envelopes from the leader’s hands, reading them.

Jinki scratched the back of his head. “Sorry. I was just thinking about how far we have came since 2008.”

“We have came a long way hyung” Taemin replied, swaying his dangling legs, looking down at the cityscape. “On some days, I still could not believe it.”

Jinki smiled in agreement as the streetlights started flickering on, lighting up the nightscape of the city. “What brings you here?”

Taemin turned to look at his leader. “It is hard right, hyung?” He asked, his face betraying his worried emotions.

“What?”

“I came in for a dress fitting for my performance tomorrow.” Taemin started. “I met Teacher Kim on his way out. He told me your training did not went well today.” He turned away, not wanting to show his hyung that he is worried.

“Ah.” Jinki replied, nodding.

“I called you on the phone but it went to voice mail and I saw your car still parked at the basement. I looked around and thought maybe you could be here.” Taemin started again when silence fall between the two. “Teacher Kim is worried.” Taemin turn to Jinki, “I am worried too. We all are worried.”

Jinki lean back against his arm. “Sorry for worrying you, Taemin. The doctor and Mr. Kim said it will take some time before I could return back on stage. I guess I was rushing it too much, wanting to fly before I could learn to crawl.”

“I know how anxious you feel Hyung.”

“It is not easy, Taemin-ah. I want to join you guys on stage again. I want to hear the fan chants, embrace the screams of thousands of people. I want to sing again. It… feels so impossible.”

“No, it’s not hyung.” Taemin assured, “Remember this place hyung. It’s where we used to sing together. Where you guided me even though we were competing trainees and did not know we will be placed in the same team. Do you remember hyung?”

Jinki nodded. “Of course. We used to sing here, raising our voice towards the sky wondering if we could reach it.’

“And do you remember that I was a tone-deaf when we met? I could not even hold a note!” Holding onto Jinki’s hand and giving him a tight squeeze, Taemin continued, “So, we will go through this adversity together.”

“You were going through puberty then, Taemin.” Jinki replied “My case is a little different.”

“How different? Just learn to sing again, hyung. Like how you and Jonghyun hyung taught me.” Taemin look straight into his leader’s eyes, “We will train together hyung. I will train with you.”

Jinki’s eyes widen and pulled his hands away from his younger team mate, “Taemin, your schedule is full.”

“When I can” Taemin added with a smile. “When my schedule permits, I will train with you. One hour per week is not a lot to squeeze out. We are a team, hyung and I will never forget how much you and Jonghyun hyung helped me in the early days of our journey. Now, look how far I have come vocally. I am a soloist now, hyung. Can you believe a tone-deaf youth becoming a solo artiste? It’s my turn to help you.”

Jinki look at his young team mate wondering how he had grown so mature since the first day they met “Yeah. Thank you, Taemin.” He voice trembled in gratitude.

“What is there to thank? We are a team, hyung. We are nothing without each other.”

That evening at the rooftop sealed the deal between the leader and the youngest member. In the following months, Taemin joined in every vocal lesson with Jinki, giving him support in the foreground. He had tasked his manager to work his schedule around Jinki’s vocal training sessions. After the lesson, when Taemin could, the two spend another hour or two at the rooftop singing softly while looking at the sunset.

-

The training room was once filled with the sound of the piano. This time, an angelic voice joined in. Teacher Kim played the notes continuously with a proud smile on his face, notes getting higher and higher, with increasing intensity.

“Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do!” Lee Jinki was belting notes after notes, reaching higher and higher.

“Very good!” Mr. Kim clapped when the last note was hit. Taemin was jumping happily at the foreground behind the teacher, giving his leader two thumbs up and a wide smile. They have done it!

Jinki broke into a wide smile of relief. He has done it. Weeks after weeks of lessons, hitting rock bottom, crying together with his teammates on his lack of progress and forcing himself too much till there was an emergency trip or two to the hospital cause he lost his voice again. After so much trouble and pain, he has finally done it!

“How are you feeling?” Mr. Kim asked.

Jinki held his hands on his throat and made a few noise, feeling the vibration on his hands. “Good. My voice came out smoothly, no feeling of constrictions, no pain. My voice did not turn hoarse too!”

Mr. Kim nodded in approval and broke into a big smile “Very well done, Jinki! Let’s end here today. Next week, we will start singing SHINee’s songs to train your vocal range back to what it used to be and even better!”

“Yes Teacher Kim!” Jink shook Mr. Kim’s hands excitedly. They have passed the first hurdle.

When the teacher left the room, Taemin ran forward and gave his leader a hug. “Oh my god, hyung! We have done it!”

Jinki returned it as the duo jumped around in excitement.

“I can’t wait to tell the rest!” Taemin began sharing the video into the group chat they had. He has been recording Jinki’s session behind the scene and sharing it so the rest are kept up to date and help on the leader’s progress. Jinki nodded happily.

A few days after that lesson, the management gathered SHINee for a meeting announcing to restart their world tour a few months later. It was a flurry of activities filled with dance routines practice, dress fitting, meetings on stage concepts, themes, fashion, preparing for individual segments.  

“It has never felt this good being busy” Jinki said one day when the team were resting after completing a practice for one segment of the concert.

“Hyung, I am very busy you know.” Key grumbled jokingly.

“Thank you for taking up the responsibility of our costumes, Kibum”

“Yeah, I volunteered. For personal benefit of course!”

“Well, no one could do it better than you anyway.” Jonghyun chirped in.

“Nobody does fashion better than Kim Kibum” Minho chimed.

They all broke into laughter. Looking at the clock hung on the wall, Jinki pushed himself off the floor. “Gotta go, vocal training two rooms down.”

Taemin push himself off the floor too. “Wait up! Coming with you, hyung!”

“Taemin sure is sticking with you till the end” Minho commented.

“You can practice on your individual segment while I am gone, Taemin” Jinki said

Taemin made a face and pointed behind him. “The 3 hyungs can have the room and practice. I can do that later.”

Jinki laughed and left the room with Taemin but not before hearing Kibum made a comment on how rude Taemin is.

As per their usual routine, the duo went to the rooftop after the vocal lesson. This time, Jinki was humming the song for his individual segment of the concert.

“Can I play the piano for you hyung?” Taemin suddenly broke in.

Jinki stopped humming and look at his youngest. “I meant I want to play the piano for this song. During the concert, behind you, supporting you.”

“Taemin….”

“I… just thought it’s more than half a year since you stood on stage. We all get nervous jitters after not seeing our fans for some time….” Taemin started explaining.

“Thank you.” Jinki choked.

-

Taemin settled himself by the piano, giving an encouraging nod to Jinki before the lights turn on. Jinki stood facing the crowd, pearl aqua lights dotted the entire stadium, everyone were chanting his name. The first key of the piano sounded through the stadium. Jinki took a deep breathe and step forward, feeling gush of emotions. He felt the energy coming from the fans, the light sticks, the chants, the scream, they gave him the motivation and the courage to stand on the stage again. To sing. To enjoy singing. To remember who he is singing to.

As he sang to the lyrics of Rainy Blue, the past few months flashed before his eyes. As the song came to an end, his tear gates open.

“I has been so long. I feels so long” He thought. “This is it, this is where I belong, this is where I want to be.”