*thump* 
*thump*
*thump* 

      Min Ho's desperate attempts to control his nerves weren't working. No agressive chugging of water was helping him. He was already done with his first bottle. 
     Or was it really his nerves? It couldn't possibly be the sight of her playfully undoing her hair as she laughed at Woo Do Hwan's jokes- who was sitting right next to him. 
      "Min Ho shi, do you always stare off the space when people try to make you laugh?" 
      Do Hwan's voice abruptly startled him and Min Ho realized the curiousity lingering in Go Eun's eyes who was sitting across him. Woo Do Hwan was supposed to be his sword in the drama. Maybe he could start as early as the first script reading to save Min Ho's face. 
      "Aniyo! I'm just deep in thought about the first episode we will be filming. Mianhada, you sound like you could be pretty funny." He desperately negated. 
      Min Ho wasn't really lying. He WAS thinking about the first episode and how he was going to hug Kim Go Eun tightly as his character-Lee Gon- who had been missing her for 25 years. But it wasn't going to be just one hug. In fact, it was going to be as many hugs as needed for a perfect take of the scene, and it was going to be a hell of a night for Min Ho's heart which was already seeming to burst. 
     "Would some alcoholic drinks help you loosen up instead of water, Min Ho shi? I had no idea a veteran like yourself would get so nervous around us newbies!" Go Eun exclaimed as she cheerfully laughed. 
     She beautifully laughed. She was in fact gorge-

     "I'm not a good drinker so no." He coldly replied. In fact, a lot colder than he had meant to, because her beautiful smile turned to a confused expression. He was already messing up and the drama production had just started.

Now she probably thought he's a cold-hearted . 

                                              ***

      That's how he continued to feel even after arriving home to the apartment he shared with his parents. His mom was interested to know how the script reading went, he was more interested in burying his head in his pillow. 
      It had taken him a very long time to accept Suzy's absence. It had taken him even longer to get used to the lack of the missing ring no longer on his finger. The photos he had of their memories, anniversary celebration, and overseas dates were still somewhere hidden away in his phone. When he was released from the military in April, it had taken him a lot to not search for her or want to see her face again. He missed her. He missed her a lot. 
       Amongst the explosion of feelings that night, Min Ho felt betrayed- by himself. When he left for military service, he promised himself to kindly understand Suzy and continue to love her in his own ways. Now after two years, his heart was already fluttering for another women, who seemed to gaze upon and smile at him like she would with any other coworker. He was nothing special to her- maybe as he had never been to any other woman. 
        "Pabo.. you never learn your lesson.." 

        He continued to hold his blanket tightly in his arms as he stared off the space in a room full of memories he'd rather forget. Somewhere along, Min Ho thought he heard his mom call his name for dinner. His manager might have called his phone which he had thrown to the other side of the room. It was hot and he was starting to sweat. 
None of it mattered, it didn't seem like he will ever escape his own guilts.