A tree stood proudly on top of the hill behind the school, watching dutifully over the neighbourhood. She watches everything happen bellow her branches, day after day, months after months, without failing. She knows everything that happens, if they’re not trying to hide from her of course. How he wish to be that tree. Because it’s the only way for him to know where he has gone to.

 

Yunho gulp his saliva, silently pleading the tree to tell him his silent question.

 

Am I too stubborn?

 

Yunho shakes his head. He knows the answer himself. If he wants to know, he can just go to the hill, waiting under the tree, watching the sun rise and sun set. For sure, he will come. Yunho know he will come.

 

Someday.

 

So why? Why he himself refused to climb the hill to meet the tree?

 

Yunho lowered his eyes to the table beside him. Ugly words of name calling inked permanently on the surface, glaring back at him as if to mock him. Serve him right. The owner of the table had gone missing but the scar still visible for everyone to see.

 

Did everyone feel the same thing?

 

Did everyone miss him too?

 

Did everyone asking themselves the silence question?

 

Did everyone...at least...had a tiny bit of guilt?

 

“Yo, Yunho. Let’s try some noisy beat,” Yoochun says, knocking Yunho’s table.

 

He sigh, without looking at the army of Shim Changmin. “Go away,”

 

“Aww...come on, Yunho. Let’s have some fun,” Kyuhyun says.

 

Changmin’s eyebrow rose when he caught where Yunho’s attention were. He smirks evilly. “Did our Yunho miss his little partner?”

 

Startled, Yunho turn his head quickly to the taller boy. “Shut up, Changmin. I’m not!”

 

“Yes. Yes. I believe you, captain,” he mocks him.

 

If eyes could kill, Changmin would be dead by Yunho’s sharp glare. But it only make Changmin laugh harder.

 

“Shut up, Changmin. You annoyed him,” Junsu says, trying to save Changmin’s arse.

 

The taller boy snicker in reply, doesn’t care.

 

“Go back to your seat, the bell will rang soon,” Yunho order.

 

“Yes. Yes. Whatever you say, captain,” Changmin replies as he turns around to get to his seat at the back.

 

He freeze even before he can take a step. Junsu look at him, puzzled. Yoochun look at Kyuhyun but the boy also stoned on his spot. Changmin frown as he tries to listen to the hallway. It grow quiet all of a sudden. A corridor before the first bell supposed to be busy and noisy with chaotic students. But it was dead drop silence as if a volcano had erupted. As if a gush of wind knock them over. As if they saw a ghost trying to scare them.

 

A ghost?

 

Changmin spun his body just in time the door to the class opens from outside. Junsu’s eyes widen. Yoochun and Kyuhyun gasp in shock. And Yunho...Yunho feels his heart thumping loudly in his chest.

 

----------

 

Four months, nineteen days, three hours, forty five minutes and two seconds.

 

Yunho growled under his breath.

 

He count. He count how long has been since he last saw his friend. Wait. Friend? Are you serious, Yunho? Aren’t you the one who announce to the whole school you cut your friendship with him? Argh. Shut up. Shut up.

 

Yunho circled his arms on his chest, pretending to listen to the teacher in front. But he failed miserably. Notes on the white boards seems alien to him. The boy beside him didn’t seems like ghost to him. Yunho steal a glance. The boy had his eyes fixed on the teaching, ignoring whispers and looks thrown at him.

 

Is this him?

 

Is this the same Kim Jaejoong who was once Jung Yunho’s best friend?

 

Yunho bath in the figure sits on the chair beside him. The hair short, as short as a man going to enlist but he is indeed Kim Jaejoong. The face whiter than Yunho remember but he is indeed Kim Jaejoong. The body skinnier than the last time he saw him but he is indeed Kim Jaejoong. The skin paler like a ghost but he is indeed Kim Jaejoong.

 

He is…really Kim Jaejoong? The same Kim Jaejoong who went missing without a single word?

 

He knows the other is indeed Kim Jaejoong but he still can’t believe his eyes. He is afraid…afraid the other is only a shadow, an illusion, a ghost, to make a fun with him, to torment him for everything he had done.

 

Yunho doesn’t know how long he debating with his inner feelings. He was pulled harshly from his thought only when the bell rings. The teacher says something to remind the students about homework and then left the classroom, pretending not to notice the extra student by the window.

 

Jaejoong slowly stands up from his seat. And the sound of scratching chairs against the ground explodes everywhere. The students look at him in terror when he silently exits the room.

 

“Jaejoong?”

 

The boy startled. This is the first time he heard someone calls his name since he step foot in the school ground. Well, it’s not like this is the first time. There were indeed students whispering his name in disbelieve when he walk pass them this morning. But it was just voices of gossipers, not voice of calling him like they want to talk to him.

 

Jaejoong lift up his head to see a silhouette of Yoo Minrae stands a couple of steps before him. The girl close the distance and stand perfectly before his eyes.

 

“Jaejoong, you’re back. Where have you been? I was so worried,” Minrae cries, trying to touch the other to make sure he is indeed real.

 

Jaejoong smiles warmly, lean back to avoid her hand. “Somewhere…”

 

“Where is somewhere? Are you okay? Are you really okay?”

 

“Now. Now. Look what we have here? He just got back and he already tries to snatch your girlfriend.”

 

Both students freeze. Minrae lowered her hand. Jaejoong glance slightly to the side as Yunho and Changmin and his small army appear beside them.

 

“You see, Yunho, it’s not enough with you, he tries to take your girlfriend down with him. Who knows who will he drag with him if he keeps coming to school after this?”

 

Girlfriend?

 

Jaejoong’s heart thumps loudly at the word. Yunho’s girlfriend? Yoo Minrae become Yunho’s girlfriend? It hurt. It really hurt. It’s not because Minrae betray him too but because Yunho choose to date someone after he left. And that someone is Yoo Minrae. Did Yunho hate him so much to accept someone who confess her feeling to Jaejoong first as his girlfriend? To torment him? To hurt him more than he already did?

 

Yunho doesn’t say a word as he grabs Minrae’s hand and drag her away from him. Changmin followed after them, not before throwing a snicker at him. His army trolling behind.

 

----------

 

The news of the freak gay Kim Jaejoong is back reach every inch of DongBang High School ground. In a minute, everyone whispering and gossiping, throwing questions after questions. For four months, where did he go? After four months, why did he come back? In four months, did he making plans to take revenge on them?

 

It’s sickening.

 

Ask him those questions on his face. Stop asking among yourself. You won’t get the answer like that.

 

Kim Junsu grumbled under his breath as he enters the toilet near the gym. School has finish and club activities will not start for another thirteen minutes. Junsu need a toilet break before he hit the field. These talks about Kim Jaejoong give him nausea. Everywhere he goes today, he only heard that name coming from everyone’s mouth.

 

Funny.

 

When he was here, everyone ignore him as if he didn’t exist. When he disappear, everyone wondering where he had gone to. When he come back, everyone query why he’s back and how long will it take before he went missing again.

 

Make up your mind. What do you guys want actually? Don’t act like you care.

 

Junsu step out from the cubicle and went to the sink. Someone was brawling in the cubicle next to him. And Junsu wonder if that person feeling sick with the gossiping too just like him. He shrugged as he wash his hands and walk out from the toilet.

 

Junsu stops walking after a couple of steps. He turns around just in time the topic of his sickness, the very same Kim Jaejoong stepping out from the very same toilet he just came out to. Fortunately Jaejoong went to the opposite direction, oblivious of the shocked and frozen Junsu.

 

----------

 

Three days.

 

Jaejoong had come to school for three days straight. Just like everyone imagine, just like Changmin’s order, he was ignored again, as if he was never missing on those four months.

 

It’s better this way. He was used to this.

 

Jaejoong sigh as he throws his eyes to the tree up the hill.

 

He really miss the tree. Or rather...he miss the time he share with Yunho under the tree up the hill.

 

In those four months, Jaejoong had come to the tree once in a while. Reminiscing the old times, with a little wish he will meet Yunho. But he went back with drop down shoulder. Yunho never came. He never met the other. And Jaejoong thought, Yunho really cut all ties with him.

 

Jaejoong turns his eyes to the table in front of him. The table had suffered so much because of him. Angry marks stare at him as if mocking him, scolding him, blaming him. Jaejoong run his fingers on top of the table, touching the hideous words with mix feelings. There are a lot of them. And Jaejoong’s fingers stop at the words glaring in red ink.

 

Go Die!

 

It says.

 

Jaejoong smile in pain. He knows everyone hate him. He knows everyone wants him die. But Yunho? How about Yunho? Did Yunho thought the same as everyone too?

 

Jaejoong startled when the hand phone in his pocket rings. He fish the phone and answered them without looking at the caller.

 

“Yes, songsaenim?”

 

Silence.

 

“School.”

 

Silence.

 

“Yes. Yes, I know. I just...” He throws his eyes to the tree up the hill. “Can’t I stay here a bit longer?”

 

Silence.

 

He sighs. “No. I’m not going. I don’t have a reason why I should.”

 

Silence.

 

And more silence as Jaejoong let the other side rambling on and on and on.

 

“Yes, okay, songsaenim. I get it.” He sighs. “Not today. I will see if I can go tomorrow. It’s late so I will just go home,”

 

Silence.

 

“Oh, sorry I forgot you have night duty at the hospital today. Have a nice day, songsaenim. I will see you tomorrow then.”

 

Jaejoong sigh again as he cut the calls, eyes still outside the window.

 

Oblivious to him, a student by the name of Cho Kyuhyun had been standing outside the classroom by the door, eavesdropping on his conversation. The school had long end for the day and the sun ready to set. Kyuhyun went back to the classroom when he realized he had left something in his table. When he saw Jaejoong alone in the class, a mischievous thought had crossed his mind. He plan to play a little with him, but had stop his move just when the hand phone rang. Again he thought of interrupting the conversation but the greeting Jaejoong make froze him in his spot.

 

Songsaenim?

 

Hospital?

 

Who on earth did Kim Jaejoong talk to?

 

----------

 

A handsome young man stood still by his car outside the school gate earning whispers and looks from the students walking out from the school. They are pointing, glancing and talking among themselves; who is the young man? What is he doing here? Is he a new teacher? Is he someone’s brother? Or is he...someone’s boyfriend?

 

“Ji Sung songsaenim?”

 

The handsome young man startled as he glance at the source of the voice calling his name. “Oh, Yoochun.” He looks back at the school then at the student. “You’re studying here?”

 

“Yeah.” Yoochun walk closer and stop just by his side. “What are you doing here, songsaenim? Waiting for someone?”

 

“Ah, yeah.” Ji Sung songsaenim brush his hair. “I have a night duty again today and my friend needs to go to the hospital. So I want to fetch him and we can go together,”

 

“Your friend?” Yoochun tilted his head. “Oh, umma said there was someone live in your house. Is that the friend you’re talking about?”

 

“Uh, yeah...”

 

Yoochun smirk naughtily as he poke Ji Sung songsaenim with his elbow. “Your girlfriend?”

 

“What? No,” Ji Sung songsaenim half shout. “He is my friend.”

 

Yoochun chuckles. “Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I believe you. I should go then. Don’t want to disturb you.” He moves his feet to leave.

 

“What? Yah, Park Yoochun!”

 

And Yoochun just laugh as he continues walking without giving the doctor a second glance.

 

“Songsaenim? What are you doing here?”

 

Yoochun halt his step. The voice of the one and only Kim Jaejoong reach his ears.

 

“What do you mean what I am doing here? Waiting for you of course. Let’s go,”

 

“Where?”

 

“Hospital.”

 

Yoochun turns around. Indeed. It was Kim Jaejoong stood at Yoochun’s previous spot, talking with Ji Sung songsaenim.

 

“Why?”

 

“What do you mean why? You have an appointment today, right? Come on. Let’s go together. You don’t want me to force you to get in the car, right?”

 

Yoochun didn’t know how long he stay there, frozen. He come to life when Changmin wake him up, telling him he had turn into a sculpture, guarding the school. Changmin ask him what makes him act like a stone in the middle of the road. But Yoochun too speechless to report to their leader about a certain Kim Jaejoong went in the car with a young doctor to the hospital.

 

------------

 

Ignore him. Ignore him. What are you doing, Jung Yunho? Ignore him!

 

Yunho groan under his breath as he once again steal a glance to the student beside him. Jaejoong had been playing with his hand phone since 34 minutes ago. And yes, Jung Yunho had keep track since the first message’s beep.

 

Who he message with? What are they talking about?

 

Yunho want to ask. No. No. Yunho wants to snatch the hand phone and read the messages himself. It’s bothering him till he feels he wants to die.

 

Yunho fake an ignorance when Jaejoong pocketed his hand phone with a sigh, facing the teacher up front as if he was never distracted.

 

One minute.

 

Two minutes.

 

Three minutes.

 

Fifteen minutes.

 

There was no upcoming message from the other side and Jaejoong’s hand phone still inside his pocket. Until the teacher end her lesson, remind the students about homework’s and bid their goodbye, there was still no new message.

 

Yunho sigh in relief.

Wait. What? Since when Yunho care about Jaejoong?

 

“Yunho.”

 

Yunho stiffed. He tries to ignore the beating heart in his chest at hearing Jaejoong’s soft voice calling his name. He doesn’t remember how calm it feels when his name slip by those lips. He doesn’t response but he let out a groan to let the other know he had his attention.

 

“Yunho, will you...will you come to the hill this evening? I have something I need to tell you,” Jaejoong says.

 

Yunho turns his head abruptly. But he quiet still.

 

Jaejoong gulp his saliva. “Please. I really have something to tell you.”

 

And Yunho doesn’t remember how pathetic Jaejoong had sounded. He plead just like before he had disappear. 

 

-----------

 

Jaejoong sits crossed leg below the tree up the hill facing the neighbourhood. He had his eyes closed shut. His fingers locked together under his chin, silently praying Yunho to come.

 

Please come. Please come. Please come.

 

He keeps chanting under his breath.

 

This is his last chance. He needs to tell Yunho everything he had stored in his heart. At least...at least he knows. May be, by Yunho heard about this, his vision about him will change. And he can be Yunho’s best friend again.

 

The sound of the coming footsteps reach Jaejoong’s ears. He open his eyes and turns around quickly. He feels delight. He feels happy. But as soon as he saw the person, the joy quickly shattered as sudden as they came.

 

Yes. Yunho did come. Finally...he come. But he is not alone. There walking beside him, holding hands together is none other than his girlfriend; Yoo Minrae.

 

Jaejoong forced a smile on his face as he stand up from his seat, greeting the newcomer. “You come,”

 

“Hurm...” Yunho replies.

 

They stop walking and stand not far from the tree. Close enough to talk and listen to each other but far enough to touch each other. Jaejoong bowed his head a little as a response to Minrae’s.

 

“I never think you will bring Minrae too,”

 

“She is my girlfriend.” Yunho tightens his hold. “We’re going somewhere after this. Make it quick.”

 

Jaejoong gulp his saliva. His heart tick at the word girlfriend. “I know she is your girlfriend. But Yunho...I thought you said this is our secret spot. No one should know about this place. And yet...”

 

“And from now on it will be our secret spot, my girlfriend and I.”

 

Did you hear that? The sound of cracking? May be not. Sure. No one can hear that tiny little sound. Because Jaejoong’s heart had broken over time. This small remark from Yunho is not enough to hurt him. For the time being.

 

“Yeah. I know I don’t have the right to this place again since you...” He feels needles prick in his throat. “Since you annulled our friendship. But Yunho, I have to tell you...”

 

“Tell me what?” Yunho cut him off. “Tell me lies about your disappearance?”

 

“What? Lies? No. No, Yunho. I was...”

 

“You. What the hell is wrong with you, Jaejoong? What was inside your head?” Yunho glare into Jaejoong’s eyes, making sure the other listen to every bit he wants to say. “First, you told me you like someone. Then you drop the bomb, confessing your undying love for me. And then you left without a word. What do you think I feel, Jaejoong? Who do you think I am?”

 

Jaejoong blink his eyes. “You’re my best friend. At least, that was what I am thinking before you cut our ties,”

 

“Yes. We were best friend. But you ruin this, Jaejoong. You ruin our friendship. I am not gay and I can’t look at you the same again. Imagine my best friend had like me not the same way I did. Imagine how hurt I am to learn about your feeling. Imagine how crush I feel when you left without telling me a word. Imagine how worry I am when I can’t find you no matter how hard I look; I went to your house, no one know where you go; I went to your part time job, but I forgot you had resigned; I can’t find you no matter how hard I search. Imagine how shocked I am when you appear after months. You...you are selfish, Jaejoong,” Yunho cries his heart out, telling the other how much pain he put him through.

 

Silence.

 

Jaejoong look at Yunho, blinking his eyes as he listens to his once best friend.

 

Minrae look at Yunho, frown marking its way on her forehead.

 

What. Did. You. Say?

 

“You disappear without a word. You came back all of a sudden. What do you think you’re doing, Jaejoong? How dare you do just as you like?”

 

“Yunho, I have my reason,”

 

“Like hell you have.” Yunho half shout. “I never thought I hate you as much as I do now,”

 

“I know...I know you hate me.” Jaejoong can hear his voice cracking. “I tried to tell you but you wouldn’t listen to me. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be as surprise as you did when I left,”

 

“Oh, so you’re blaming me?”

 

“What? No!” Jaejoong shakes his head.

 

Yunho laugh. “You’re crazy. You’re crazy for liking men. You’re crazy for leaving. You’re crazy for coming back. You’re crazy for talking with me. Go to hell with your reason. I don’t want to hear it.”

 

Unconsciously Jaejoong move his feet as he try to reach Yunho. But Yunho slap his hand away even before he can get any closer.

 

“Don’t touch me. I really hate you. You’re disgusting. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. Go tell your lies to someone else. See if anyone care.” Yunho turns around and walk away, pulling Minrae with him.

 

“Yunho...” Minrae tries to pulls her hand from Yunho’s strong grip. “Jaejoong, I’m sorry...”

 

Jaejoong smile sadly. As sad as his shattered heart’s feel. Jaejoong falls on his bottom when his legs are too weak to support his body.  

 

“I have my reason. And that’s why I want to talk to you. But you wouldn’t listen. How much you hate me, Yunho? Was there not a place for me, even a little?” Jaejoong look at the way Yunho and Minrae had gone to. “Will you be surprise if I left again? Will you...try looking for me? Will you get mad if I come back here again?”

 

-----------

 

It was time for Jaejoong to be here but there is no his presence. Since he came back after his disappearance, Jaejoong always arrive at the school earlier than usual before.

 

Students keep entering the classroom. Still no sign of Jaejoong.

 

The first bell rang. Still no sign of Jaejoong.

 

The first period teacher walk in. Still no sign of Jaejoong.

 

The fourth period nearly end. Still no sign of Jaejoong.

 

Yunho grip his fist. His brows knitted together. His teeth clenched. His breath fast. His heart beating madly.

 

Where the hell are you? Were you went missing again?

 

Yunho turns his head to the window and throw his eyes over the tree up the hill where he had left Jaejoong alone yesterday. He was not still there, is he? Yunho lowered his eyes to Jaejoong’s table beside him. His eyes widen when he caught something not supposed to be there.

 

Beside the Go Die! in red ink, there is a new word, writing in Yunho perfectly know as Jaejong’s neat handwriting.

 

Goodbye…

 

Yunho jump in his seat, startled the whole classroom and stops the teacher talking in front.

 

“Is something wrong, Jung Yunho?” the teacher ask.

 

Yunho didn’t answer. Yet he stands up and runs to the book racks lined at the back of the class. He went to Jaejoong’s rack, punch in the password and pulls the door open.

 

Albeit the gasp of surprise from his classmates, Yunho only heard his heart shattered to pieces. He was greeted by the greatest shocked in his life. It was no match with when Jaejoong had first disappears. Because no matter how much he said he abhors Jaejoong, he knows his friend will come back. But this…Yunho doubt himself if Jaejoong will ever appear again. He wonder if Jaejoong finally gone and never look back. With his last word on the table and his empty book rack as a final goodbye.

 

---------------------

 

How is it?

Is it bad?

Please leave some comment.

 

 

I forced myself to cry when I read this after I finished writing. Hohoho. That means it was not sad enough to make me shed tears. *sigh*. That means I am slowly turn into a rusty writer. I need my muse back and I mean lots and lots of YunJae love. But how?