Shim Dongmin wheeled inside the ward and helped to get onto his bed. Nurse Lee explain the rules and places of the ward as Dongmin look around his new room. It is a two bed ward, with a television and sofas at the corner across from Dongmin’s bed, a door to a toilet at the other corner, and a three frame window. Dongmin pouts. It must be nice to have the bed by the window. But he was late and someone had already occupy the bed. His eyes then landed on his left side, a neighbour behind a closed curtain.

 

“Oh, more important thing, please don’t make noise,” Nurse Lee says as she caught Dongmin’s eyes. The patient turns his eyes to the nurse, puzzled. “He had his treatment and just went to sleep. Poor boy. He is so young…”

 

“What kind of sickness he had?”

 

“Cancer.” Nurse Lee shakes her head. “He is a nice and friendly boy. You can talk to him when he wakes up. But when he sleep, we really need to ask you for your cooperation. He needs his rest. A cancer treatment are tiring, even for someone as young as him.”

 

Doesn’t know how to response, Dongmin just nods his head as a reply. Nurse Lee smiles, mouth her thanks and wish for his recovery before she left the room.

 

Dongmin sighs as he lay down on the mattress. The bed raise a little so he is laying in a half sitting position. Hospital bed is not as comfy as his bed back at home. It’s hard but he had to endure it. Hopefully he can get out of the hospital as soon as he can. Dongmin glance at his neighbour. He wonder how long the boy had stay at the ward. How did he managed to sleep on the hard mattress? How his treatment go? And how young he is to have such an illness?

 

Dongmin keep his quiet as he heard some rustling from his neighbour. He waits. Who know if the neighbour had woken up?

 

Silence.

 

He sighs. Nope. Looks like the boy still sleeping. May be he was turning in his sleep.

 

Dongmin pulls the duvet to his waist, pick up his hand phone from his bag and start playing. He type a message, reporting his state to his family members. He just sent the same message to his girlfriend when his ears caught a sound of movement again. Then a sound of footsteps.

 

A silhouette of a young boy clad in hospital gown paddling to the toilet. The boy opens the door and disappears inside doing his thing. Dongmin play with his hand phone again. The boy didn’t realize it he got a new neighbour. He must be surprise when he saw him later.

 

And surprise he did. Dongmin lift his head when he heard a gasp from the toilet. The boy had come out and saw him.

 

“Hi there,” Dongmin greet him and wave his hand.

 

Yes. Yes. Nurse Lee not lying when she said the boy is nice. The boy bowed his head as a reply before he walk closer, slowly but as quick as his feet can.

 

The boy stops beside his bed. “Nice to meet you, my name is Kim Jaejoong.”

 

Dongmin smiles. “I’m Shim Dongmin. Sit down, Jaejoong.”

 

Jaejoong lowered his bottom on the chair beside him. “When did you admitted?”

 

“Just half an hour ago. How old are you, Jaejoong?”

 

“Seventeen,”

 

“Oh, you must be a second year in high school.”

 

Jaejoong nods.

 

“You can call me hyung then. I’m twenty,” Dongmin says.

 

Jaejoong nods again, a big smile on his face. He then examined Dongmin’s body from head to toe, then he look at the other again. “Accident?

 

“Yeah.” Dongmin nods. He touch the left side of his belly with his right hand. “I was hit here and got three stitches.”

 

Jaejoong cringe. “It must be hurt. Sorry to hear that.”

 

Dongmin wave his hand again. “It’s hurt but it’s okay,”

 

“Is everything okay? How did you got into the accident? Did police came? How about the other party? Are they injured? Is no one with you right now?”

 

Dongmin blink his eyes. Is this the same boy he just met a minute ago? Yes, he is nice. And yes, he is friendly. What makes Dongmin has his doubt is because he remember Nurse Lee said the boy had a cancer and just had his treatment. Is this someone who just undergo his medication? I mean, he looks cheerful and lively. As if he is not sick at all. As if he is just a normal boy living his life to the fullest.

 

Or...

 

This boy just acts cheerful just to hide his pain?

 

“Woah. Slow down there, kid. Let me think which one should I answer first,” Dongmin says.

 

Jaejoong grins, realizing his rudeness. “I’m sorry.”

 

Dongmin brush Jaejoong’s head with his left hand. Jaejoong freeze. The hand is big and he can feel his calloused skin. But he can feel the warmth from Dongmin’s hand and love from Dongmin’s smiles.

 

Dongmin frown when he caught the others’ stoned expression. He pulls his hand slightly. “I’m sorry. Are you okay, Jaejoong?”

 

Jaejoong shakes his head, smiling. “Yeah. I just thought of my hyung,”

 

“Your hyung?”

 

Jaejoong nods. “You remind me of him, Dongmin hyung. And I…miss him.”

 

Dongmin frown, his hand retreat completely. It was faint but he caught Jaejoong’s last word. The kid beside him miss his older brother. Okay. But it was definitely not okay when his eyes not smiling as his lips.

 

He wants to say something, anything but he found his lips too tight to move. He wants to touch Jaejoong’s head again but his hand wouldn’t listen to his command. He feels suffocated. He feels awkward. And Dongmin didn’t remember when he feels this relief when the door to the ward open from outside.

 

------------

 

Dongmin wake up in the middle of the night with a start. The door to their ward open harshly, the light switch on, heavy footsteps running in and the curtain pulls brutally. Dongmin squinting his eyes from the sudden brightness as he sit up and look at the neighbour side. He hears urgent whispers and the sound of machines. Slowly he swing his legs to the side and hope off the bed. He paddled to the curtain separating his territory and the neighbour. His breath caught in his throat at the sight in front of him.

 

The young neighbour he just met on the very same day, lying helplessly on his bed. A man in a doctor’s robe, standing with his back to Dongmin, had a pair like iron machine in both hands, set them on the boy’s chest and say a number. Another male doctor beside the first turn something on the machine that connect with the irons, and Dongmin see the boy’s upper body jump in shock.

 

“Again!” the doctor says.

 

“Again!” he repeated.

 

“Again!” he shout, didn’t care about other patient in the ward.

 

“He’s coming through.” A voice of a woman from the other side of the bed finally says.

 

The doctor sighs. He hands over the irons to the other doctor. Without saying a word, he left the room, followed by the other doctor after he tidy up the machine.

 

Just then Dongmin realize the woman was Nurse Lee, the exact same nurse who bought him to this room earlier. Nurse Lee looks at the lying boy fondly. She pulls the duvet to his chest to make sure he was comfortable even in his sleep.

 

“Nurse Lee?” Dongmin calls softly.

 

The nurse startled as she lift up her head. “Shim Dongmin-shi, you’re awake?”

 

Dongmin nods his head as he steps closer to the bed.

 

“We’re sorry we woke you up,” Nurse Lee says.

 

Dongmin shakes his head. “It’s okay.” He looks at the paler face of the boy. “What’s wrong with him?” he whispers.

 

Nurse Lee sighs as she lowered her eyes to the boy again. “He just had an attack,”

 

“An attack?” Dongmin ask, looking at the nurse.

 

Nurse Lee nods. She lift up her face to look at Dongmin. “An attack, nearly costed his life.”

 

Dongmin freeze. No way.

 

“This is not the first time but this is the third time in a row. Doctor Jung was afraid it might be his last.” Nurse Lee looks at the boy again. “And I’m afraid he won’t open his eyes again when I walk out of this room.”

 

Dongmin lowered his eyes to the patient on the bed. The face of Kim Jaejoong looks paler than the first time he saw the boy a couple of hours ago. He lift his right hand, he didn’t even realize it was shaking, and brush Jaejoong’s cheek with the back of his finger.

 

Cold.

 

“He was so young…”

 

Nurse Lee nods. “And alone.”

 

Alone?

 

Dongmin lift his head, startled. What did she mean? He wants to ask. But he found his tongue tied when he caught a single tears falling on the nurse’s cheek.

 

-----------

 

Dongmin munch on a slice of an apple, bought and cut by his girlfriend, Kim Ahjoong. It has been three days since he was admitted to the hospital. And Ahjoong has visited and stay by his side since. There were his friends from college, and his parents, and his little brother. But their presence won’t par with his girlfriend. And it was also the first time Dongmin introduce Ahjoong to his family. Fortunately his family approve of her. Even his brother was fond of her and they click right away.

 

“Don’t finish them, Changmin. It was for me,” Dongmin tease.

 

The little brother, Shim Changmin sticks out his tongue to mock him. Ahjoong shakes her head as she continue feeding on Dongmin. She sits on Dongmin’s left side at the edge of the bed while Changmin sits on a chair to his right. 

 

“It’s okay. You can eat them, Changmin. There’s plenty for you, Dongmin,” Ahjoong says.

 

“See? See? Only Ahjoong noona loves me…” Changmin fake a hurt expression with his palm over his chest.

 

“Shut up. I was the one who is sick here.” Dongmin click his tongue.

 

Changmin laugh as Ahjoong giggle behind a palm over . Dongmin just smile by the lovely sight in front of him.

 

Yeah. This is what he wanted. A nice loving family with his girlfriend soon to be wife, hopefully.

 

A family.

 

The word hit him abruptly. Dongmin cast a longing glance to the bed beside him. It has been three days since he frequent the bed in the ward, but he didn’t see the neighbour since the night he was attack by his disease. He was missing the whole day yesterday and the sun will set in a couple more hours. If he didn’t come back, it means he spend another night outside again.

 

“Are you worried about your neighbour?” Ahjoong asks as she caught Dongmin’s eyes still on the empty bed.

 

Dongmin nods, turns his face back on his girlfriend. “I wonder where he slept last night,”

 

“It’s not your concern, hyung.” Changmin waves his hand. “He is big enough to take care of himself. You said he is a second year high school student right?”

 

Again, Dongmin nods.

 

“Then he is the same age as me. You don’t need to worry for him. He is not a little kid.”

 

Dongmin smirk. He reach his hand to brush Changmin’s hair, receiving a scowl and a swat at his hand. Changmin grumbled under his teeth about how much Dongmin loves to torment him when he knows how much Changmin despise them.

 

“Yes. Yes. He is not a little kid. I wouldn’t worry if he is you.” Dongmin laugh as Changmin cursed under his breath. “But he is a patient, remember? He is sick. Of course I worry about him,”

 

“You’re so nice, Dongmin, to care about your neighbour even though you just met him.”

 

Dongmin smile cheekily. “He is a good kid. Really nice and sweet. If only he is my brother…”

 

“Yeah. Yeah. I am not a good brother. Go find someone else’s brother to swap me with.”

 

Ahjoong laugh behind her palm. Dongmin copied her, making sure not laughing so much so to hurt his injury.

 

Changmin throw a glance to the empty bed, frowning. “If you didn’t tell, I would think you have the room to yourself, hyung. It looks like there was no one there.”

 

Ahjoong and Dongmin followed Changmin’s eyes. The bed was tidy with the pillow on its place and a folded blanket at the other end. The end table on its right side bare of any item that indicates it is indeed have an owner to the bed. But the end table on its left side stood a medium tall vase and a bouquet of fresh pink peonies flowers.

 

Dongmin sighs, pulling his eyes away from the bed. “Don’t know. He left before I woke up yesterday.”

 

Ahjoong tilted her head. “May be he was discharged?”

 

Dongmin shakes his head. “No. Nurse Lee said he had something to do so he asks for permission to leave for a day,”

 

“What? Can a patient ask for a leave?” Changmin frown, never did he heard such privilege granted to a patient. “Did he really was sick?”

 

Dongmin looks at his little brother, a sad smile find its place on his lips.

 

----------

 

Dongmin woke up thirty minutes past nine in the morning. He went to the toilet to do his business, wash his face and brush his teeth. He can’t take a shower yet as per doctor’s order to not wet his bandage.

 

He was greeted by Nurse Lee when he steps out of the toilet, arranging a bouquet of flowers on the side table of Jaejoong’s bed. The bed was already made with a fresh new bed sheet and the occupy patient was missing.

 

“Good morning,” he greets her.

 

“Morning, Shim Dongmin-shi. How was your night?” Nurse Lee glance at him slightly.

 

“Fine, I guess.” Dongmin paddled softly to the other side of the bed. Eyes fixed on the empty bed of his neighbour. He pulls the curtain separating their territory without turning his eyes away. “Are you still on shift?”

 

Nurse Lee shakes her head, smiling sadly once she finish arranging the flowers. “I’m done. My next shift will start at six this evening.”

 

Dongmin tilted his head, lifting his eyes to look at the nurse. “Shouldn’t you go back home? You need to sleep. You need to rest. How can you take care of us if you can’t take care of yourself?”

 

Nurse Lee lift her head and Dongmin’s breath caught in his throat. Nurse Lee supported a pair of red eyes and tired smile around her lips. “You really need to rest. You look tired.”

 

The nurse shakes her head. “You’re just like Jaejoong, you nag the same thing.” She fake a small laugh. “I’m fine. And I don’t want to go home. I’m worried about Jaejoong so I will sleep in the on-call room. So I can see him as soon as he comes back,”

 

“Come back? Where?” Dongmin glance at the bed. “Where is he?”

 

Nurse Lee didn’t answer, instead she went to Dongmin’s side and led him to his own bed. Dongmin keep his lips sealed, let himself treated as a patient. Nurse Lee pulls the blanket to his waist then she stand beside the bed, hands tucked in her pockets.

 

“He ask for permission to leave the hospital for a day, said he need something to do,” Nurse Lee says.

 

Dongmin’s arch a brow. “Leave the hospital after what happen last night? Really?”

 

Nurse Lee smile faintly. “We had to, after what happen last night. Whatever he needs to do, we hope, we really hope, it will help him…stay alive.”

 

Dongmin feels his heart beat against his chest, hurt. “What…what do you mean?”

 

“I told you Jaejoong had a cancer, right? And last night…was an attack that might cost him his live. We tried everything we can to help him. True, he can’t free himself from the cancer, but at least, he can keep on living. He is still too young,”

 

“And alone,” Dongmin mumbled, repeating Nurse Lee’s words from last night.

 

“And alone.” Nurse Lee’s face fell.

 

Dongmin eyed the nurse carefully, seeing the lady won’t elaborate any sooner, Dongmin choose to ask himself. “What do you mean by being alone? Surely he had his family, isn’t he?”

 

Silence.

 

Deep. Deep silence.

 

“Nurse Lee?”

 

The woman smile painfully. “I mean what it is mean,”

 

“You mean he doesn’t have family? Is he an orphan?”

 

Nurse Lee shakes her head. “He has a family; appa, umma, a hyung, a noona…”

 

“Huh?” Dongmin tilted his head. “He has family! Then why was he alone?”

 

“Because they disown him.”

 

Ba-thump.

 

Dongmin’s ears caught his own heart fall to the bottom of nothingness. “No way…” he hears his own mouth whispers.

 

“He was disowned. Jaejoong was kicked out by his family, his own flesh and blood. And it was the very same day his friends at school start a war with him,”

 

“No way…”

 

“He was bullied at school, his best friend turns his back on him, his family throw his belongings and lock him out their home.” A single tears fall on her cheek. “He doesn’t have anyone else. He is all alone.”

 

Hurt. It hurts so much. It feels like thousands of needles stab his throat when he tries to gulp his saliva. “W…why?”

 

Nurse Lee shakes her head. “Something happen at school and his family choose to side the outsiders than believe in their son,”

 

“What? Why?” Dongmin can’t believe his ears. He chooses not to believe what he heard. No way. No way. How could a family do such ugly thing to their offspring? “Why…how could…that’s terrible.”

 

Dongmin lowered his eyes. He caught sight of his trembling hands. He never feels like this before. Hurt. Pain. Anger. He doesn’t know which dominant than which. But one thing Dongmin knows of, he pity his ward mate even more.

 

“Then…did his family know he is here?” Dongmin lift his head in time Nurse Lee shake her head again.

 

“They didn’t even know Jaejoong is sick.”

 

Dongmin gulp his saliva again. Hurt. “What…what happen after he was kicked out?” He was afraid to hear the answer but he extremely wants to know.

 

“Ji Sung songsaenim found him and take him home.” Nurse Lee wipes the tears from her cheek. “Ji Sung songsaenim had a hunch, he went to Jaejoong’s house and found him kneeling and crying for forgiveness at the doorstep. Who knows how long he was there but Ji Sung songsaenim said he was freezing and he was burning hot. And…”

 

Ba-thump.

 

“It worsen his illness.”

 

Dongmin feels his eyes burn with angry tears. He didn’t know Jaejoong more than a day but he feels ache for the neighbour. He was so young, in the same age as Dongmin’s little brother. He wouldn’t dare hurt his brother. So he doesn’t understand how Jaejoong’s family has the heart to abandon him.

 

“Ji Sung songsaenim had to carry Jaejoong to his house, and take care of him since. Jaejoong came with Ji Sung songsaenim when he had his examination or doing chemo,”

 

“And his family? You never try contact them or told them?”

 

“You think we didn’t try?” Nurse Lee ask, voice raising a pitch.

 

Dongmin blinks. The pain disappear and come in surprise by the nurse.

 

“Ji Sung songsaenim went to his house a couple of times. They welcome him at first but when Ji Sung songsaenim mention Jaejoong’s name, they dismiss him.” Nurse Lee shakes her head. “They never open the door since whenever Ji Sung songsaenim came. Ji Sung songsaenim…even shout outside their door that Jaejoong will die…”

 

“They still…wouldn’t care?” Dongmin asks, hoping for a turn of event even though he knows how slim the chances are.

 

“Worse. They wish he just die sooner. They thought Ji Sung songsaenim conspiring with Jaejoong so they will take him back.”

 

“What…?”

 

Nurse Lee sniff. “I called them too. They hang up on me as soon as I said Jaejoong’s name. We did try other ways but…they wouldn’t listen,”

 

“His school? How about his school?”

 

Nurse Lee wipe her nose with the back of her hand. “We told the principle and his home room teacher. No action,”

 

“What the hell is wrong with them?” Dongmin shouts, frustrated. “Ah…” He quickly put a hand on his left waist, feeling his own injury burning. Ah…he forgot he is a patient himself. He was too engrossed and mad with Jaejoong’s situation that he forgot his own pain.

 

Nurse Lee quickly went to his side. “Oh, my! Are you okay, Shim Dongmin-shi?” Obviously the female nurse also had a slip of mind.

 

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” Dongmin raise his hand to assure her.

 

Being a nurse won’t convince Nurse Lee. She slowly lift Dongmin’s shirt to check for any discomfort. She pokes the bandage and earn herself a hiss from the patient before he can stop himself.

 

“Don’t worry about me,” Dongmin reassure the nurse. “That kid…what actually happen at his school that his parents oust him? Are they worth to disown their son?”

 

Nurse Lee shakes her head as she fixing the patient’s cloth. “We not really sure. Jaejoong didn’t say much, he just said everyone at school had made him their enemy. Something happen between him and his best friend, since then everyone start a war with him and bully him,”

 

“It’s terrible. Is he really his best friend?”

 

Shakes her head again. “Jaejoong went to school, to clear the misunderstanding and to see his friends. But I guess it failed,”

 

“He went to school?”

 

“He didn’t go to school after he moved in with Ji Sung songsaenim,” Nurse Lee says as she avoids saying the word “kick out” again and again. “He had to undergo treatments and lots of rest. But when…” She feels the words stuck in when the sadness visits again. “When he gets worst, he thought of visiting his friends and family. To see them and to tell them, before he really can’t see them ever again.”

 

---------

 

“Oh, my! It’s so sad. Poor boy,” Ahjoong cries as she wipes her wet cheek.

 

“It is. I can’t sleep yesterday thinking about him,” Dongmin replies, reaching Ahjoong hand to calm her down.

 

“That’s so kind of you, Dongmin. You care a lot about someone you just met,” Ahjoong sniff.

 

“He is still so young.” Turns to the very quiet Changmin. “The same age as you, Changmin. He reminds me of you. I can’t imagine if same thing happens to you. That’s why…I can’t understand why his family and friends shun him out. It’s inhumane. Whatever sin he did, can’t they just embrace him when he is this sick?”

 

“He deserves to be spared. Pardoned him of his faults. Like you said, Dongmin, whatever sin he did, they should just forgive him. I mean, what sin did he do? It can’t be that bad that can’t be forgiven.”

 

Dongmin turns to Ahjoong, lips smile painfully. “That’s what I can’t understand. I really want to see his family. I really want to knock some sense in their heads. I swear I will find them as soon as I’m discharged,”

 

“Hyung…” Changmin called in a slow voice. He had been listening to the story with a very uncomfortable feeling. It can’t be. It can’t be. Dongmin turns to face his little brother. “Your neighbour…what was his name you say?”

 

“It’s…”

 

The door to the ward open from outside, cutting Dongmin’s answer at the tip of his tongue. The patient, his brother and his girlfriend turn their heads in time of the very Kim Jaejoong step his foot in the doorway. The boy freeze, seeing three heads with different expression looking at him. Ahjoong’s hand flew to , hiding her surprise gasp. Changmin rise from the bedside chair, eyes wide in horror. Dongmin smiles, obviously relief at seeing the neighbour after night of worrying.

 

“Jaejoong!” A faint voice called from the hallway.

 

Jaejoong, face pale and looking exhausted, bowed a little as a greeting, and step inside the ward. The door swing to shut but before it close completely, a silhouette of Nurse Lee comes into view.

 

“Jaejoong!”

 

Jaejoong paddled not so quickly to the empty bed, followed by Nurse Lee, and followed by Dongmin’s eyes when the two crossed his bed. Changmin stood still, frozen with his eyes stick wide to the now closed door. Ahjoong had lowered her hand and her eyes down to her shaking hands on her lap. Both visitors seem to unable to look at the other patient.

 

Jaejoong put his bag in the small drawer beside the bed, take his patient suit and walk slowly to the toilet to change. Nurse Lee waits behind the closed door and help him to his bed, with pillows on his back and blanket to his waist.

 

“Where have you been, Jaejoong? You promise to be back yesterday evening,” Nurse Lee nags as she waits for the boy to be comfortable enough.

 

“Sorry. Sorry,” he grins. “I never thought it takes longer to settle.”

 

Nurse Lee sighs. “You make us worry,”

 

“Sorry…”

 

She force a smile, quickly cast her anger aside. You can’t stay mad at a patient for long, can’t you? “So, I guess it goes well with your family?”

 

“Huh?” Jaejoong tilted his head. “I didn’t say I went to see my family,”

 

“You didn’t?”

 

He shakes his head. “No. Why should I? They don’t want to see me anyway,”

 

“But you said…it take longer to settle. What did you do?”

 

“I’m preparing for my new home,”

 

“Home?”

 

Ba-dump.

 

“Um!” Jaejoong nods his head, smiling cheekily. “I had my eyes set on this place, you see. I’ve always like that place, it’s so calm and soothing. So I thought I want to live there after I die. So I went to the authority to buy the place with the left over money I had from the part time job and the insurance. And I had a little bit of money left, enough to buy a new cloth for the funeral. I have to look my best to start a new journey, right?”

 

Silence.

 

Deep. Deep silence.

 

“Jaejoong!” Nurse Lee half shout.

 

“Jaejoong…” Dongmin gasp.

 

The patient smile, ignoring the fact the words left his lips stabbing the souls inside the ward.

 

“You…you…Why did you do that? You won’t die, Jaejoong. We promise we will save you. We will do everything to make sure you’re healthy again,” Nurse Lee cried.

 

“You don’t have to spurt lies to a dying patient, Nurse Lee. I know I don’t have much time left. Why waste money and energy when I can prepare for something more consequential? It just…” Jaejoong lowered his head to his lap. “I need you guys’ help when the times come.” He raise his head as he hold the nurse’s gaze. “I don’t have anyone else, just the staff in the hospital care enough to hold a funeral for me.”

 

Nurse Lee feels her heart clench tightly in her chest. Jaejoong’s silhouette blurry by her glassy eyes. Her tears flow like a river on her cheeks. She fist her fingers to stop the trembling. “Jaejoong, please. Please don’t say that. We will save you. We will. I promise,”

 

“Even if you did, I don’t have the will to live anymore, Nurse Lee. It’s lonely to live alone,”

 

“You have me, right? And you have Ji Sung songsaenim. We both will take care of you, just like we did.”

 

Jaejoong’s lips curled his most sincerely painful smile. “I know you will and I can’t thank you enough for what you and Ji Sung songsaenim did for me. It just…honestly, I don’t have any will to live anymore. I don’t have anyone, Nurse Lee. I don’t have any family or friends to support me and to encourage me to fight this battle. Why should I keep on breathing if I have to live alone in the future?” He shakes his head, a single tears roll on his cheek. “I don’t want to be alone anymore. It hurts to think everyone hates me and want me disappear. So…why don’t I save them trouble, to finally leave this world so everyone could be happy if they know I’m gone…forever?”

 

Ahjoong cup with both of her palms, keeping her cries as quietly as she could muster. Changmin frozen still, unmoving even a finger ever since, as if he had been hit by deathly lightning. And the patient the both of them had visited had forgotten about them to join the nurse to comfort the dying patient. All three of them ignore and didn’t realize how Jaejoong’s words had stabbed them sharply to the heart.

 

---------

 

An open book ready on top of the desk but the words seem like dancing in Yunho’s eyes. He is unfocused not only to the book, but to his surrounding as well. He didn’t realize the students filled in the class one by one. He didn’t realize the chatter and chirping in the once quiet room. He didn’t realize Yoochun, Junsu and Kyuhyun laugh loudly just behind his ear. He didn’t realize when the leader of the three students steps inside and walk up to him.

 

Sooo…could you imagine the jumping his heart make when he heard his name being called on?

 

“Oh, Changmin. You’re here?” Yunho greet him nonchalantly.

 

“Yunho…” Changmin called.

 

“Hurm?” Yunho straightens his seat before he look up to the taller boy. He freezes for a second seeing Changmin’s face. It look…something, something Yunho can’t put his finger on.

 

“Yunho…” Changmin called again, hesitation visible in his voice.

 

“Yes. I heard you, Changmin. Do you need anything? Why don’t you go to your seat?”

 

“Yunho…”

 

Ba-dum.

 

Yunho doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like this at all. The beating his heart make is just like the day he found out about Jaejoong. The song his heart drums is the same rhythm as before, like the calm before the storm.

 

“What’s wrong, Changmin?”

 

“Yunho. I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry.”

 

Yunho tilted his head. “What are you sorry for? Did you do something wrong?”

 

“I…” Changmin keep his eyes down to the toes of his shoes, unable to meet Yunho in the eyes. “I’ve done something wrong, something terribly wrong…”

 

“What do you mean?” Yunho frown, he duck his head to try looking at the taller student’s face. Changmin bore an unreadable expression, his face sullen and his eyes glum. “I don’t understand, Changmin. What’s wrong?”

 

“I…Because of me, you and Jaejoong stop being friends. Because of me, the whole school treat him the worst. I…am really sorry, Yunho.”

 

Silence. The noisy class had gone quiet once Jaejoong’s name comes out from Changmin’s lips.

 

Yunho turns his head away from Changmin, faking disinterested. “It’s not because of you,”

 

“It is!” Changmin half shout. “It is because of me.”

 

“Go to your seat, Changmin,” Yunho says without looking at the taller.

 

“I hate Jaejoong,” Changmin confessed.

 

“I know,” he replies nonchalantly.

 

“I hate Jaejoong, because he is too close with you. I hate Jaejoong, because you didn’t play with me anymore. I hate Jaejoong, because he steals my childhood best friend.”

 

Changmin’s hatred confession did pull Yunho to face him again. He’s frowning, confused and didn’t understand him. “I hate Jaejoong so much. That’s why…I did anything I can to separate you two, to make you hate Jaejoong, to make you distancing yourself, to show you what a scum he is. I did…everything.”

 

Yunho gulp his saliva. He didn’t know what comes into Changmin’s mind to suddenly pull this declaration. He partially knows about Changmin’s dislike of Jaejoong but he didn’t know why and he didn’t realize Changmin’s action to split them up. He didn’t know what to say and how to react. He just sits still, frozen and waiting.

 

Changmin’s three underlings watch the exchange with the same flabbergasted feeling. They too, didn’t understand why Changmin said all those all of a sudden. His right hand man, Park Yoochun quickly comes to his side to pulls him away.

 

“What are you doing, Changmin? Let’s go.”

 

Changmin didn’t budge. Heck, he didn’t even bother the tugging on his arm. “No matter what I did or what I said, you still befriend him, still by his side, still protecting him. I really hate it when I realize you really like him more than me. I am your best friend first but why you left me to be with him? You act as if you didn’t know me at all,”

 

“It’s…not true,” the words coming out like a forced to Yunho, and even Changmin.

 

“I hate him to the point I wish he disappear, away from you, away from us. Every day, I woke up praying to God he will be gone when I come to school. I just want him to leave. But Yunho, I don’t want him to die. I swear I never wish him to die.”

 

Ba-thum.

 

“What…are you talking about, Changmin?” Yunho doesn’t like this. Yunho doesn’t like this at all. Where the hell Changmin had gone to say something about death? What did he mean? What did…Jaejoong? Yunho jump from his seat, standing as tall as Changmin. “Did something happen to Jaejoong?”

 

“Jaejoong is…in the hospital, in the same room as my hyung. He is sick, Yunho. That’s why he’d been missing all this time. He went to get treatment, doing chemo, living in the ward. Then he came back to school again, to meet you, to meet everyone. But all of us treat him like a trash.” Changmin feels tears clouding his eyes. “It was his only time to see everyone, it was the last chance for us to see him. But we…we use the chance to torment him even more.”

 

Treatment?

 

The word hit Yoochun, Junsu and Kyuhyun like an echo. Junsu tilted his head, remembering the time he heard someone throw up from the cubicle in the gym toilet, and turns out that someone is Jaejoong. Kyuhyun’s eyes turn to the side, the phone call he heard Jaejoong make from the classroom after school end whispering to his ears. Yoochun’s hand fall from Changmin’s arm, remembering his family doctor waiting for Jaejoong outside the school gate.

 

Yunho’s body is trembling, his lips is shaking, his eyes wide with horror. No way. No freaking way. Changmin is lying, right? He was just talking nonsense, right?

 

A single tears roll from Changmin’s eyes down to his check. “Jaejoong is…dying, Yunho. He is very sick. Even the doctors and nurses lied to themselves that he can be cured. But Jaejoong knows better. He can’t be save. He is lying on his hospital bed, waiting for his time. Jaejoong…”

 

Yunho push Changmin away, cutting the other mid-sentence. He runs to the door, he runs in the hallway, he runs out to the school gate. His mind keep screaming Jaejoong’s name over and over again, wishing his once best friend stay alive and healthy to prove Changmin wrong.

 

‘No way. No way, Jaejoong. Tell me this is a lie. Tell me. Please!’

 

----------

 

Every morning in the Kim’s household, the family will eat breakfast together and talking to tighten the bond. Usually Mrs Kim will prepare a healthy Korean breakfast for her family. Sometimes, she will make simple English breakfast. And sometime when she was too lazy or in a rush or not in the mood, she just put bread and jam or cereal and milk on the table.

 

Five months. It has been five months since the family eat a delicious Korean breakfast on the table. It was always bread or cereal in the morning till it makes her children sick. Hyunjoong had whine at her for a couple of times before but it still didn’t change anything. Mrs Kim didn’t have enough time to prepare a nice breakfast so she just put an easy and simple dish to start their day. It was her excuse but deep down her heart, she knows herself why she can’t put their country’s signature dish for breakfast.

 

No. Actually Hyunjoong knows why. Ahjoong too. And also Mr Kim.

 

But no one said a word. No one wants to mention that all this time, it was their youngest child who cooks breakfast for the family. He woke up early to prepare the ingredients, put the dish on top of the burner and prepare the table. It was done all by him, just because he wants to give his mother some rest and let his family enjoy his specialty. Mrs Kim’s job was to scoop some rice into the bowl for the five of them. And that was when the father, the oldest and the middle child come down after they’re done dolling themselves to go to their own ways.

 

And since Mrs Kim had used to Jaejoong make all the breakfast all this time, she kind of lost her track. Days after days, she tried to cook breakfast, just like before Jaejoong take over the job, or at least as tasty as Jaejoong’s breakfast is. But God seems to play a cruel joke on her. No matter what she does, she will end up throw bread or cereal on the table as a substitute to her failed breakfast meal. Strangely, her lunch and dinner were perfect, as always. Only breakfast.

 

It was…God’s punishment to her as a failed mother. She knows.

 

Mr Kim just put down his cup when Ahjoong calls his attention.

 

“Appa…” She calls again, hesitation in her voice. “Appa…”

 

“What is it, Ahjoong? You want money again?”

 

The girl shakes her head. “It’s not about money,”

 

“Then what? You will be back late again to visit your boyfriend?” Hyunjoong tease.

 

“Dongmin still in the hospital?” Mrs Kim asks.

 

Ahjoong nods her head, unable to look at her families’ faces. “But it’s not about him.” Ahjoong lift her head to look in the father’s eyes. “Appa…it is…”

 

“What wrong, Ahjoong? You can tell appa. Appa won’t get mad,” Mr Kim coaxed her softly.

 

“Appa.”

 

Ahjoong gulped her saliva. Even though Mr Kim says he won’t get mad, she won’t be sure if her father would be the same with what she wants to talk about. But…but…she has to do this. She has to tell her family. If not, she will…they will...lose their youngest forever. Him leaving the house and him leaving the world are two different things. And Ahjoong is afraid they lost the chance to seek forgiveness from him.

 

“Appa, it’s…it’s about Jaejoong.”

 

Mr Kim rise from his seat as soon as the name reaches his ears. Ahjoong quickly grab his hand before he can even think of taking a step to leave the table.

 

“Appa. Please. Please hear me first. I beg you.”

 

And for the first time in five months, Jaejoong’s name could be heard in the house of Kim.

 

---------

 

Jung Yunho push the door harshly and step inside the ward, surprising the older patient near the door. Dongmin frowns seeing the uniform as he remembers it was the same as his alma-meter, and also the same as the one his little brother don every day to school. The lines on his forehead doubled when the student paddled weekly to the bed beside him.

 

Dongmin eyed the visitor as he paddled crossed his bed to the bed beside him. He was breathless. His face and uniform bathe in sweat. His fingers trembling, as well as his long legs. His eyes on the patient as he steps closer and closer.

 

‘He knows Jaejoong? Is that mean…’

 

Yunho falls weakly on the visitor’s chair. His eyes start to water as he swims in Jaejoong’s lifeless body on the bed. He had his eyes closed, his lips dry, his face as white as writing paper. Yunho grab Jaejoong’s hand with his shaking fingers. Cold. He wraps the hand in both hands, holding them close to his forehead.

 

“Jaejoong…Jaejoong-ah…” he cried, silently wishing his once dear friend open his eyes and not open his eyes.

 

But open his eyes he did. Jaejoong feels warm around his cold hand, forcing him to open his tired eyes and look at the warmth. He blinks his eyes. Once. Twice.

 

“Yunho?” His raspy voice called, unsure if his eyes play a trick on him.

 

Yunho lift his head abruptly, his eyes found Jaejoong’s face. The once beautiful and shining eyes now look dull and tired, staring back at him.

 

“Jaejoong-ah…” he calls.

 

“Yunho…” He gulps his saliva, hurt. “Yun…ho. Is that really you?”

 

“Yes. Yes, it’s me, Jaejoong. It’s me, Jung Yunho.”

 

Jaejoong smiles. “What are you doing, Yunho? Why are you here?”

 

“Jaejoong-ah…”

“I don’t want you to see me like this.”

 

It hurt. It hurts so much. After months of not seeing each other, after a couple of attempts to break the news, after missing the other like crazy, at the end the other comes to see him where he didn’t want to be seen.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jaejoong…”

 

“What for?”

 

“Anything. Everything.”

 

Jaejoong shakes his head, “There’s nothing…to be sorry,”

 

“I’m sorry…” Yunho lowered his head to the hand he still holding. “I’m sorry…”

 

Jaejoong just smiles. At least he tries to smile. He feels so tired that even smiling hurt his face muscles. Yunho hold his hand tightly in his, giving him warmth to his cold hand.

 

“Why are you so cold, Jaejoong?” he asks, rubbing Jaejoong’s hand in both hands.

 

“Because you’re so warm, Yunho,” he tries to joke, to ease the tension.

 

Yunho blow hot breath in the middle of his rubbing. Jaejoong just let him be. Yeah. He can never hate him. No matter what happen, no matter how Yunho break their friendship, no matter how Yunho ignores him, he can never hate him. And after what he went through, his love for the once he calls his best friend never subsided. If anything, it grows stronger and deeper.

 

“Why? Why you didn’t tell me, Jaejoong? Why?”

 

“I did…try to tell you,”

 

“When?” Yunho lift his head to the patient again. “When did you try to tell me?”

 

Jaejoong smiles. “Did you remember, Yunho? The day when I confessed to you?”

 

How can he forget? No matter how he wish it was only a nightmare and he wake up in the morning going through his days at school with his best friend, the wish can’t be true. It was not a dream. It’s a reality that Yunho can’t even push aside. The memory of the afternoon where it break their friendship; Jaeoong’s love confession, still fresh in his mind like it happen just yesterday.

 

“That day, if you accept me, I will tell you about my sickness,” Jaejoong says as he knows it was hard for Yunho to acknowledge the memory. “But you didn’t. You even…push me aside and break our friendship.”

 

Yunho lowered his head, feeling humiliated.

 

“The second time…” Jaejoong continue and Yunho raise his head again. “I ask to meet but you didn’t come. I wait for you…until morning, but you…didn’t come.” Jaejoong take a deep breath.

 

Alarmed, Yunho jump forward, wiping Jaejoong’s cheek. “Jaejoong. Jaejoong-ah. Please, don’t force yourself,”

 

“The third time…” Jaejoong continue, ignoring Yunho’s worries. He has to tell him. He has to throw everything out from his chest. So his heart will feel at ease when he leave. “I ask to meet but you came with Minrae, and you didn’t listen to what I want to say,”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jaejoong,” Yunho cried.

 

“If you listen to me…if you give me the chance to explain…” a lone tears fall from Jaejoong’s eyes. “You will be the first one to know,”

 

“I’m sorry…” The water in his eyes break through, and he had been crying without he realizes it. ‘It was my fault. It was my fault.’

 

Jaejoong shakes his head. “Even though you didn’t accept me, I really want to stay as your best friend, Yunho. Because if we still are, I will have a reason to fight,”

 

“Jaejoong?”

 

“But you reject me, you hate me,”

 

“I don’t. I don’t hate you.”

 

“If…you’re by my side, Yunho, I at least have a will to live. Even if my family disown me…I at least will have one reason to fight this battle.” The tears pooled on his pillow. “But I don’t have anyone. I don’t have any support. No family, no friends, no you. So I…really don’t have any will to fight this and to live anymore,”

 

“Jaejoong, please. Please don’t say that.”

 

A small chuckle escapes his lips. “But I’m happy, Yunho. I’m glad…I confessed to you. So I won’t regret leaving without telling you my feeling,”

 

“Jaejoong. Jaejoong-ah. I’m here now. Let’s fight this, okay? Let’s fight this together.”

 

Jaejoong shakes his head. “It was too late, Yunho,”

 

“No…Jaejoong-ah. No!” Yunho shakes his head as he rubs Jaejoong’s face. “No. It was never too late. Never,”

 

“Thank you for being my friend, Yunho. I’m sorry…for everything.” Jaejoong’s lips form a short and loving smile as he close his eyes and drop a final tears.

 

“Jaejoong! Jaejoong-ah!” Yunho shouts panicky, jumping to his feet and shaking Jaejoong’s lifeless body.

 

Dongmin jumps to Jaejoong’s side and push the emergency button to call the doctor when the door to the ward open and reveal the faces of the Kim families.

 

-------------------------- the end

How is it?

Is it bad?

Please leave some comment.