The tallest boy in the whole school, name Shim Changmin as given by his parents walk inside the classroom with his group of friends, talking and laughing loudly without care for the world. They walk straight to their territory, the farthest end of the room from the door but Changmin stops a couple of table up front, lowered his bottom on a table where another boy sit still on his chair looking dejectedly outside the window.

 

“What with that look?” he asks.

 

“Nothing.” The boy sigh, eyes still outside.

 

Changmin laugh. “Yes. Yes. It’s nothing,” he throws in some sarcasm. “Are you sure it has nothing to do with your little partner?”

 

“Shut up, Changmin. Go back to your seat.”

 

Changmin laugh again. “Okay, sure, captain. I’m sure you are not interested to know what we had found about your little partner.”

 

Changmin smirk. That statement is enough to get the other’s attention when he quickly turns his head to look at him.

 

“What? What did you found?”

 

“Ops!” Changmin moves from the table, hands up to surrender. “I thought you’re not interested,”

 

“Shut up. Now tell me what did you found?”

 

“Whoa…you told me to shut up but you want me to tell you.” He laughs but quickly shut his mouth. His body shake when he tries to hold in his giggles. “Okay, okay. Geeze, you’re not fun, Yunho,”

 

If look could kill, Changmin would be dead by the boy called Yunho’s sharp glares.

 

“We saw Jaejoong at the stairs to the rooftop,” a boy from the group, Park Yoochun says.

 

Yunho turns his body to the group at the back.

 

“With a girl.” Another boy, Cho Kyuhyun whispers, but loud enough for the whole class to hear.

 

Yunho frown. “Who?”

 

Yoochun and Kyuhyun look at each other, faking a confused look.

 

“You know her?” Yoochun asks.

 

“I thought you know,”

 

“Why should I? I’m not the one meeting the girl,”

 

“You’re the playboy here. I thought you know every beautiful girl in the school,”

 

“Oh shut up you two.” Another voice squeak. He had been watching the two and Yunho back and forth. And he swears he doesn’t like to fish Yunho’s wrath, judging by the sharp glare he send towards them. “It was Yoo Minrae. Don’t lie that you guys didn’t know her,”

 

“Tsk. You’re no fun, Junsu.” Yoochun click his tongued.

 

“Not when Yunho are ready to kill you both,” the boy named Junsu replies.

 

The group turn to look at Yunho but they saw Changmin by himself at the table. The taller then run after the other out of the class, followed by his little group. They caught Yunho at the end of the hallway, talking calmly with one and only Kim Jaejoong.

 

“What? It end already?” Yoochun whine.

 

“I thought we can see Yunho caught on those two,” Kyuhyun says.

 

“What do you think Jaejoong and Minrae talk about?” Junsu ask.

 

“Of course. Of course.” Yoochun nods to himself.

 

“She must be confessing her undying love,” Kyuhyun replies.

 

“Or she must ask Jaejoong to help her sending love letter to Yunho,” Yoochun says.

 

Changmin watch the so-called best friend and listen on his group gossiping with a smirk. This is interesting. This is so going to be really interesting.

 

---------

 

The school end for the day and the two best friends choose to spend some time together since they both don’t have any prior plan. They sit below a tree over the hill at the back of their school. From the spot, they can clearly see the neighbourhood. There are middle school at that side and this side, market at the left, department store at the right, police station at the side, and opposite from a hospital. Their high school located at the middle, Yunho’s house at the left side of the school while Jaejoong’s house at the right.

 

Judging by the two’s house opposite way of each other, they never walk together to or back from school, except for a house visiting. But they did walk in the school together, if their timing match each other of course.

 

Jaejoong is playing with his hand phone while Yunho just enjoying the evening breeze and the chirping of the singing birds. Yunho throw a glance to the friend beside him once in a while, and he see the other still with his hand phone. He sighs. Jaejoong rarely play with his hand phone when the two are together especially when they are at the hill. Jaejoong likes to talk and for him to never utter a single word since they’re seated, confirming Yunho’s guess.

 

He got a girlfriend.

 

“So…you guys are dating now?” Yunho break the silence. A sharp pain throb his chest.

 

“What?” Jaejoong lift his head from his hand phone. “Who are dating?”

 

“You and the girl. What was her name again? Oh, Yoo Minrae. You guys are dating now right?” Yunho look at Jaejoong.

 

“What? Where is this coming from? I’m not dating anyone, especially not Minrae,”

 

“You’re not?” Yunho straightens his position to look at his friend comfortably.

 

“No!” Jaejoong put his hand phone inside his pocket. “Where is this coming from?”

 

“Changmin said they saw you together with her. I thought she was confessing her feeling.”

 

Jaejoong sighs. “Yes, it’s true she confess her feeling but I reject her.”

 

Yunho’s eyebrow rose. “You reject her?”

 

Jaejoong nods.

 

“Why? She is cute tough.”

 

Jaejoong shrugged. “Well…I reject her but she wants me to think it over again,”

 

“Of course she did. Why don’t you rethink again? Why did you reject her? Aren’t you too quick to make a decision?”

 

“I don’t think so. I don’t feel the same way, so why should I give false hope and then hurt her?”

 

Yunho’s mouth shut at that. Yeah. It’s true. Why would you accept someone’s confession if you don’t share the same feeling? Yunho knows it would be bad if Jaejoong play with a girl’s heart but he did wonder though, why she was rejected.

 

“Why don’t you try going out with her? May be you will learn to like her?” Yunho suggested.

 

Jaejoong shakes his head. “No. Not interested.”

 

“Why?”

 

Shut up. Shut up, Yunho. Why are you so nosy? It’s Jaejoong’s decision. Shouldn’t you be happy Jaejoong reject her? Because if they did going out, Jaejoong will left you and spend more time with his girlfriend. Surely you won’t like the idea of being alone and watching your friend being lovey-dovey from the side.

 

The question left unanswered. Jaejoong throw his gaze to the neighbourhood, and Yunho…Yunho let his eyes sink in the beauty of Jaejoong’s face. Yes. Yunho knows and he admitted himself how handsome and beautiful Kim Jaejoong is. Jaejoong is what you can call a normal high school student. He has a normal family, good mark, average social life and went to a normal part time job. For a normal high school student with a handsome face and nice body like Kim Jaejoong, he should be easily throne as the most popular boy at the school.

 

But no. The seat was Yunho’s and he did question himself why he got the title instead of his friend. Rich family? His family is not super rich but he can live a very comfortable and spoiled life. Marks? He is confident with his brain but he not sure why he can never surpass Jaejoong in the area. Social life? He is a good boy and just went on his usual life day by day. And he has a part time job too just to waste his time.

 

So…why he is the number one in the school but Jaejoong….Well, Yunho not sure where Jaejoong landed himself. But one thing he knows of, a lot of people at the school, students and teachers know about Jaejoong through him. He is regarded as Jung Yunho’s best friend, not something both of them are proud of.

 

And because of that, a lot of girls had come to Jaejoong just to be near Yunho.

 

Yunho jump slightly, a realization hit him. “Is she the same?”

 

“Same?” Jaejoong look at Yunho.

 

“The same as everyone, using you just to get me?”

 

Yunho doesn’t wish to brag but it had happen before. More than Yunho can count. Girls confess their feeling to Jaejoong and when they did going out, the girl spend more time talking with Yunho instead.

 

Jaejoong smile shortly. “Don’t know. Not sure.”

 

Yunho sighs. “Right. Sorry for doubting you. Yeah. It’s better if you reject her. Who knows if she really like you or not,”

 

“Well…there are other reasons while I reject her though. Doubting about her feeling…” Jaejoong shakes his head. “I didn’t think about it before,”

 

“Huh?” Yunho tilted his head. “Then why you reject her? What the reason?”

 

Jaejoong smile again. “Not telling you,” he sings song.

 

Yunho hit Jaejoong lightly on his arm, making the other laugh his heart out.

 

“Fine then. Keep the secret. Keep it. As if I care.”

 

Yunho circled his arms in front of his chest, eyes thrown at the view bellow them, sulking. Jaejoong still laughing as he continue watching the evening of their neighbourhood.

 

Silence.

 

Not that silence but still silence.

 

The two boys keep their lips shut. Only chirping birds, soft breeze and rustle of leaves play as musical background. Both of them falling deep in their own thoughts.

 

It’s okay. This is also normal. Aside from talking with each other, the two also usually watching their neighbourhood in total silence. They just watching and enjoying each other company, wasting time until they are ready to head home.

 

Jaejoong lowered his head, his eyes focused on his hands on his lap. Or rather…his shaking fingers. He balled his fingers in a fist, afraid of catching Yunho’s attention or trying to calm himself. Jaejoong not sure.

 

“I have someone I like,” Jaejoong says in a whisper.

 

“Huh? What?” Yunho quickly throw his head to look at the friend beside him. “What did you say?”

 

“I have liked someone else. That’s why I reject her,” Jaejoong says, clearer this time.

 

Badump.

 

Badump.

 

Badump.

 

Yunho doesn’t like this. Yunho doesn’t like this at all. He heard Jaejoong. He heard Jaejoong fresh and clear the first time. But he thought his ear make a fun of him, that’s why he asks again just to make sure. And sure he did. For the first time in the years they had known each other, Jaejoong tell him he has someone he likes.

 

Who?

 

Yunho didn’t know. He wants to know but he also refused to know. Aish. It’s complicated. Yunho debated with his inner self. He wants to know. He wants to know. He wants to know who had caught his dear friend’s interest. He wants to know who dare to caught Jaejoong’s attention behind his back. He really really really wants to know.

 

And he feels it again. The sharp pain throbs in his chest. Yunho choose to ignore it. But the pain is so massive that he wants to scream. The only thing he can do is frowning and clench his teeth to calm his ragging heart.

 

Jaejoong swim in Yunho’s facial expression. He tries to read the meaning behind Yunho’s wrinkled forehead and his discomfort. 

 

Is he feeling what I feel?

 

“I think I want to confess. What do you say, Yunho?”

 

Yunho quickly change his expression, he force a smile on his lips. “Sure. You should tell her about your feeling,”

 

“But what if they reject me?”

 

“Huh?” Yunho tilted his head. “So what? You wouldn’t know if she reject or accept you right? Give it a try. You won’t lose anything but you will if you didn’t try.”

 

Jaejoong dart his face away from Yunho, nodding to himself. “I have to try eh?”

 

“Yes. Yes. You have to try first. If she rejects you, it’s fine. If she accept you, it’s a bonus right? You will regret it if you didn’t tell her,” Yunho reasoned out.

 

Jaejoong hummed as he let Yunho’s words sink in his head.

 

Shut up, Yunho. Just shut up. You are the one who will regret it latter.

 

“You reject Minrae because you have someone you like eh?” Yunho asks, just to make sure.

 

“Yeah...”

 

“So...mind telling me who that girl is?”

 

Jaejoong turns to look at Yunho. The discomfort face had left but there still some hint lingering in his eyes. Jaejoong can tell.

 

He smiles naughtily. “Not telling you,”

 

“Yah!” Yunho bite his lower lip as he lifts his hand to hit the other again.

 

Jaejoong laugh as he stands up before Yunho’s hand make a contact with him again. “Not telling you. Not now, Yunho.” He picks up his bag and make a run just as Yunho stands up to chase after him.

 

----------

 

Yunho found himself back at the sanctuary of their secret spot under a tree up the hill behind the school three days later, with his dear best friend beside him, with his hand phone in his hand. Yunho hug his school bag, unconsciously sulking because Jaejoong yet again choose to play with hand phone rather than talking with him.

 

And he was the one who wants to come here.

 

Yunho glance at his watch as frowns marking its way on his forehead. “Don’t you have to go to your part time job?”

 

“I quit,”

 

“What?” Yunho jump slightly looking at Jaejoong. “What? When?”

 

“Yesterday,”

 

“Wh…why? Why all of a sudden? Are you being bullied?”

 

Jaejoong smiles as he put his hand phone in his pocket. “You know fully well my co-workers love me, Yunho,”

 

“So why?”

 

For the first time since they are seated under the tree nearly half an hour ago did Jaejoong look at Yunho. The frowns doubled as he saw a pain and sad smile on Jaejoong’s face. His heart clench tightly in his chest.

 

“What’s wrong, Jaejoong? What happen? Tell me,” Yunho half shout, worried.

 

Jaejoong shakes his head. “It’s not something to worry about, Yunho. It’s all fine at the shop,”

 

“Then why? You need more money? You got a new job with better pay?”

 

He shakes his head again. “Who can give a better pay to a mere part timer? No, it’s not because of that,”

 

“Then why?”

 

Jaejoong take a breath. “Remember about the person I like?”

 

“Don’t change the subject. It’s not the time to talk about her,”

 

Jaejoong tilted his head. “I thought you want to know?”

 

“Yes. I want to know but I want to know more why you quit working. Now back to the subject. Why?”

 

Jaejoong chuckle half-heartedly. “I want to talk about that person first then the part time job.”

 

Yunho change his position to make him more comfortable to have a serious talk. He sits facing Jaejoong completely as the other did the same.

 

“She force you to quit working so you will have more time with her?” Yunho guess.

 

Jaejoong shakes his head again. “No. I didn’t tell that person yet,”

 

“Huh?” Yunho lowered his eyes, thinking. Then he lift them again to look in Jaejoong’s eyes. “Then what?” He shakes his head. “Fine. What did you want to talk about?”

 

This is so frustrating. So really depressing. First Jaejoong had someone he likes. Second Jaejoong quit his part time job at the bakery. And third, Jaejoong refused to tell him anything. Sure, Yunho wants to know about the girl he likes. Yunho really really wants to know that he feels he might die from desperation. And now…the surprise bomb shakes his heart that he feels Jaejoong really wants him to die without knowing anything.

 

Is he that unworthy to listen to his secret?

 

“About the person I like…” Jaejoong says softly.

 

“What about her? You want to practise? You want to try confessing to me before talking to her?” Yunho guess.

 

Jaejoong shakes his head as he lowered his head.

 

Silence.

 

Deep deep deep silence.

 

No chirping birds. No soft breeze. No rustling leaves.

 

Or they were there but Yunho hear his heartbeat louder than the musical background.

 

Jaejoong heave a breath, lifting his head until he is staring into Yunho’s brown eyes. “I like you.”

 

Badump.

 

“I like you, Yunho,”

 

“Wh…what?”

 

“The person I like is you, Jung Yunho.”

 

---------

 

In dramas, you confess your feelings to your significant other with a hint of worry whether that person will accept you or reject you. In dramas, it turns out your significant other like you as much as you do. In dramas, you will kiss and start dating each other. In dramas, you will face the conflicts hand in hand.

 

If only…life as easy as dramas.

 

Because no. Kim Jaejoong’s life is not a drama. And he only realizes them a little too late.

 

Am I wrong? Yunho’s face the time I told him I had someone I like…is like the face of someone feeling hurt. That face telling me he likes me too. Or did I read it wrong?

 

“Jingle bell. Jingle bell. Jingle all the way...”

 

Jaejoong’s vision blurred as the song sings by his classmates, and pieces of crumbled papers, pencil’s waste, used tissues thrown over his head. He saw a tin of beverage roll under his feet and he realizes his hair wet and feels sticky over his cheek.

 

“Happy Christmas, Jaejoong. Do you like your presents?” someone says and other students laugh at him.

 

Jaejoong rubs his sticky cheek as he stand up from his seat and try to move.

 

“Eh...where are you going? We’re not done celebrating yet,” another says as he grab on Jaejoong’s arm.

 

Jaejoong pulls his arm free. “Leave me alone.” And he stomp his feet to exit the classroom.

 

He brushes on his cheek, disgust by the sticky feeling. He drag his feet along the corridor. Thankfully there were not many students lingering around even though it was recess time. But unfortunately the small group of students saw him and start pointing and laughing at him. He ignored them as he continues walking to the end of the corridor. But his feet stop moving when a group of students from his class appear in front of him.

 

“Yunho...” he whispers.

 

“Wow. What happen to your little partner, Yunho? Was he having a party without you?” Changmin asks mockingly.

 

Yunho ignore the question, or rather...he ignore his once he called best friend as he stride pass Jaejoong. But he was pulled to a stop as the other tug on his arm.

 

Three days. It has been three days since the last time Yunho look at him in the eyes. But it was not the same warm and loving eyes he loves so much. It was cold and filled with hatred and makes Jaejoong shudder in terror.

 

“Yunho...” he calls again.

 

“Don’t touch me.” Yunho yank his arm harshly.

 

Jaejoong gulp his saliva. “I’m sorry...”

 

Yunho turns around and start lifting his foot.

 

“Yunho,” Jaejoong calls.

 

But Yunho keep moving, didn’t stop and didn’t spare him a glance.

 

“Yunho, I have something I need to tell you,” Jaejoong says even though the other went further away. “If I am still your friend, will you come to the hill? Please. I will wait for you. I will wait until you come,” he says desperately. “Please, Yunho. I really need to tell you.” He hears his voice crack as Yunho disappeared into the classroom and students in the hallway laugh at his sorry arse.

 

----------

 

Jaejoong hug his body tightly as rays of sunrise shown at the horizon. He blink his eyes and rub the sleepiness away. He take a glance on his watch. A tired sigh escaped his lips.

 

Is our friendship as fragile as this, Yunho?

 

Jaejoong buried his face in between his raised knees.

 

You swear I am your best friend forever. If I know this little confession will make you distancing yourself, I would never tell you.

 

Jaejoong lift his head suddenly. Realization hit him. He shakes his head.

 

No. No. I have my reason. I shouldn’t regret this. I can’t.

 

Jaejoong stands up and pulling his school bag with him.

 

I have to tell him. I don’t have enough time.

 

----------

 

He got a worse welcoming as soon as he steps inside the classroom. Everyone distancing themselves as if he is an epidemic plague. His table filled with gifts from trashes he guess his classmates borrowed from other classrooms. His chair thrown upside down and wet with sticky clear water.

 

He sighs as he went to the back of the class to grab the waste bin. He throws everything on top of his table in the bin, ignoring the snicker of his classmates. His eyebrow arch when he caught something mess on the surface of his table. He wipes the table with his palm and it reveals nasty and sick words. He adjusts his chair only to realize that the sticky clear water is a carbonate drink mix with glue.

 

He sighs again, pulling the chair with him when he put the bin to its place and walk out from the class to clean them. School won’t start for another fifteen minutes but the students in his class came in early just to play a prank on him.

 

He should know this. He should see this coming when he confessed his feeling to Yunho, a male friend and a star student. He should predict the treatment he will get for ruining his own fate. Because he is Kim Jaejoong, just a normal student with a chance of being Jung Yunho’s best friend. If not because of Yunho, Jaejoong had been targeted way earlier just because they feel like it.

 

“I bet your little partner had got his gifts, Yunho.”

 

Jaejoong lift his head when he heard a voice of Shim Changmin and Yunho’s name in the sentence. There he is, standing ever so proudly with Changmin and his army not far from where he himself is.

 

“Yunho...” Jaejoong calls the name softly.

 

Yunho move his feet. One after another. And he stops just a couple steps more before Jaejoong.

 

“Yunho. Why didn’t you come? I was waiting for you,”

 

“He was waiting for you, Yunho. Look how loyal he was,” Changmin says mockingly.

 

“I have something I want to tell you,” Jaejoong says, ignoring Changmin.

 

“I have something I want to tell you too,” Yunho says coldly.

 

Jaejoong lift his eyebrow. Half surprise by the icy voice, half surprise by what Yunho want to say. “Th...then...”

 

“You’re disgusting, Jaejoong. I’m not gay.”

 

Jaejoong froze. He feels a boulder hit him hard on his head. He feels the floor he was standing on is shaking. He feels thunders flash on earth one after the other.

 

“Don’t talk to me anymore. I don’t want anything to do with you. We’re done. You’re no longer my friend. In fact, I don’t want to see your face ever again.”

 

And Jaejoong feels the floor he was standing on is breaking and swallowed him in total darkness.

 

----------

 

It gets worse. The students in DongBang High School had stop bully him physically but they in return do them mentally. He was treated like a gush of wind, as if he was not there at all.

 

Jung Yunho’s declaration about cutting ties with him means everyone free to do anything they want to him. Bully him? Go on. Kick him? Pleasure. Shower him with water from toilet bowl? Do want you want. Stab him? No one will care. 

 

But Shim Changmin had better idea. He was the one who suggest to everyone to ignore him. Since Jung Yunho said he doesn’t want to see his face again, it means everyone shouldn’t see his face. It means Kim Jaejoong didn’t exist in the school and whoever mentions his name will get a very beautiful gift from the Shim Changmin himself.

 

Kim Jaejoong was treated as if he was a ghost lingering around their school building. No one saw him and no one give a damn. He didn’t bother talking with anyone because the cold shoulder he gets are more painful than if he didn’t try at all. Not only students but teachers and even the cafeteria’s workers ignored him too.

 

Jaejoong doesn’t want to sound ignorance but above all, he knows someone did try to sympathize with him. He feels her pity eyes and he once caught her try getting close and talks to him before her friends drag her away from him.

 

It’s better this way. She shouldn’t stick her nose in his business. Because he is afraid the girl will get the same treatment as him. The cute and kind hearted Yoo Minrae shouldn’t get treated as a ghost just because she tries calling Kim Jaejoong’s name.

 

----------

 

How long has it been? Jaejoong calculated in his head. Was it ten days? Twelve days? Since he confessed his feeling to once was his best friend?

 

Ten days.

 

Yes. Jaejoong sure of it.

 

It has been ten days. Ten days since the confession over the hill. Ten days since Yunho feels disgusted by him. Ten days since the last time he receives the warm loving smile from his best friend. Ten days since he thought his life will not change even after what happen.

 

Strangely, Jaejoong didn’t regret it. He didn’t regret it at all for the confession. Because he had a solid reason. A reason he wish to tell to his family too.

 

But a wish is only a wish. A wish doesn’t mean it will come true. A wish doesn’t mean you will get want you want.

 

Because fate choose to play a cruel card with him.

 

Jaejoong saw his bags, clothes and books scattered at the doorway to his family house. Worried, Jaejoong run to the door and try to opens them.

 

“Umma. Umma, open the door. I’m home, umma.” He bangs the door with his fists. “Umma...”

 

The door opens harshly. Behind them are his mother and father, as well as his older brother and older sister.

 

“This is no longer your home. I don’t have a homo son like you. Go away. I don’t want to see your face ever again,” his father order harshly.

 

“Appa...” A lone tears fall to his cheek. “Appa, please listen to me first,”

 

“Who is your appa? Don’t you hear you’re no longer a son in this family?” his brother, Kim Hyunjoong says disgustingly.

 

“Go away, Jaejoong. You should be thankful we let you have your things to take with you,” his sister, Kim Ahjoong says, arms cross over her chest. “Urgh...I need to bleach my hands since I touch a homo’s stuff.” Ahjoong shake her hands as she leaves the scene.

 

“Make sure he left. If he doesn’t, I will call police,” his father warns as he turns his back on him and stomp inside.

 

Jaejoong watch both his sister and father disappear in the house. Hyunjoong’s had his hand on the door, guarding them protectively, as if to dare Jaejoong to take a step near.

 

“Hyung, please listen to me. I have something I need to tell you,”

 

“Yes, something about being gay and in love with your best friend,”

 

“No. No, hyung. No. Please let me explain.” Jaejoong get down in his knees, desperately asking his brother to give him time, even just for a minute. “Umma, please.”

 

“I am disappointed in you, Jaejoong. I wish I had abort you the moment you’re inside my womb,”

 

“Umma...” Jaejoong heard his heart shattered into pieces. “Umma...” He shakes his head. “Umma, please. I beg you. Please give me chance.” Jaejoong scooted on his knees to grab his mother’s leg.

 

Sensing Jaejoong’s plan, his mother pulls her leg away harshly. “Don’t touch me. I don’t have a son like you,”

 

“Umma...” Jaejoong bowed his head lower till his forehead touch the ground. He cried as he calls his mother’s name and asks for forgiveness.

 

In the mist of his crying and chanting, he heard a loud bang and a sharp click from the wooden door. His mother had went in. His brother had locked the door. But Jaejoong refused to stop, refused to give in. He cries his heart out. He calls for his mother till he can’t hear his voice anymore. He was shaking from the cold. He feels numb from the kneeling.

 

When Hyunjoong opens the door the next morning, he found Jaejoong was gone, taking his belongings with him.  

 

----------------------------

 

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Over the Hills and Far Away is a tittle to a song in Kuromyu Noah's Ark Circus. There’s another song with the same title but I choose to borrow from Kuromyu instead. Hoho.