At the beginning Soojin thought it was unnie’s love for the dongsaeng, but as she grew so had her affection for her. It grew and grew until it became something more.

It scared her.

The first time Soojin officially met Shuhua, she was just sixteen years old. When she met her, it was awkward at first, Shuhua was so shy because of her lack on Korean. Shuhua talk in small voice with specific accent it something pricked at Soojin’s heart. Nevies just know how loud Shuhua, it’s so funny for the members who know Shuhua for quite years now. When they first met, Soojin was captivated by her big doe-like eyes widened as far as they could go. Soojin gave her a small smile, regardless of her cold demeanor, there was always a tiny spot she held for the younger.

The shyness little girl had was quickly replaced with magic, beautiful long jet black hair, smooth skin, cute lips, y curve..stop it!! Soojin said to herself.

Shuhua laying on the dance floor while watching Soojin practicing, her wavy hair curls bouncing lightly. Her little heart was pounding all over the place, almost as if it was hyped on sugar. She is pretty, no, what was the word his dad used for his mother? Ah, yes, beautiful. She was so embarrassed when she first met Soojin, but she was practically speechless when she saw her.

“She is so pretty!” she whispered to Yuqi who giggled a little.

“How pretty?”

“She was so pretty I thought I was going to burst!”

“So, you think she’s prettier than me?” Yuqi raised her voice for a little

The gasp that came out of Shuhua was enough to send Yuqi over the edge and bring tears to her eyes for laughing so hard. Her little eyes closed to slits and a cute little pout was on her lips.

After that day, Shuhua would say hello to her when they’re practicing together, Soojin was quick to give her a short answer and move on with her practice.

One time Soojin was sitting a little ways away from others waiting for next session, she was tapping away on her phone, not really paying attention to anything else. However, Shuhua studying her, too captivated with the cold aura that Soojin has.

Years past and now Shuhua can’t be separated from Soojin, she will cling onto Soojin anywhere anytime. Shuhua would proudly declared her love for Soojin on or off camera. On other side, the most intimate Soojin act toward Shuhua is one time when Soojin hugged her, felt her tense under her touch but then relax, her arms circled her. One of her hands behind her head, she leaned down to kiss Shuhua’s head. That’s more than enough for Shuhua..really.

One time, Shuhua acted boldly to Soojin..“I love you.” She breathed out and Soojin’s eyes crinkled a little and that small shy smile that Shuhua absolutely adored was shown. With one hand Soojin pulled her head so she can kiss Shuhua’s forehead. It bothered her that Soojin did not take her words seriously.

Shuhua swallowed a lump in and asked something she wanted to know for the longest time.

“Jin-ah, why do you not say ‘I love you’ when I say it to you?”

Soojin warm expression became cold and blank.

“Tell me, please?” she begged softly.

“Because this is just a childish infatuation Shuhua. You don’t really love me,” even as she said these words, Soojin could felt her own heart crack, “You’re too young for god’s sake and I am older than you. This cannot happen, it is illegal and I will not allow it. You are young, there is someone out there for you and it is not me. This has to stop, I will always be here for you, but not in the way that you expect me to be. “

This time Shuhua let her go, she stood, and for once a clear emotion was being shown to her. Soojin looked devastated. Shuhua stood, stepped towards her, and made Soojin face her; she cupped her face in her hands and… she kissed her. She swallowed Soojin’s surprised gasp and kept kissing her. She pulled away quickly and made sure she was a few feet away from her.

“I love you. If you thought it was something I would get over, you are wrong! I love you! I’ll say as many times as I have to make sure it gets through to you. Don’t you dare think for a second that this is some childish affection that will fade.”

Soojin sat down on her bed and again fingers reached up to touch her lips.

Shuhua had kissed her.

She remembered the words she said to the younger. She remembered how much it hurt her to say it and did not miss the flash of hurt on Shuhua’s face. She lied though, she lied on some things, like how she thought of her as a dongsaeng. At first it was truthful but she realized the affection she had for her was of a unnie to her dongsaeng but now, now it was…

Love.

It was love, she loved Shuhua. But, she couldn’t be with her, she was older, she’s not supposed ruin everything, career, her group. She will not ruin her by asking her to stay. It will compromise everything she has done so far. Shuhua will get over this just as she grows older, she will find someone ..a man. Soojin shut her eyes, willing that image away. Her mind wandered to some intimate moments with Shuhua, when they fought in sync and she pulling her down onto her chest. It felt good, she wouldn’t deny that she loved the feeling. She needed to stay away from her. Another stab at her heart, no, she had to. She would only limit their interactions in training and no more. The fact that they lived together was also a problem.

She sighed, she loved the younger girl. What was wrong with her?

Since that day, without fail in every message Shuhua would say ‘I love you.’ Soojin didn’t tell anyone about the message or about how she would save every message. She wanted to see her, but every time she would remind herself that it was wrong.

Soojin listened to the every voice notes that Shuhua sent her. These days she needed to hear her voice in order to fall asleep. Raising her hand she touched her lips and reminded herself that she cannot love her.

Soojin couldn’t do this.

She couldn’t.

Yet, she walked out of her room direct to the next bedroom and slamming the door shut.

She stood in front of Shuhua.

She placed her hands on the side of her face, making the younger look at her.

She had a surprise look on her face.

Soojin didn't care though.

Not when her lips were connecting with hers.

“I love you.” She whispered.

P.S : sorry for any grammatical errors.. see you

-love you-