Seungwan is already on her fifth bottle of beer when Joohyun gently wraps her hand around its body to pry it away from her numbing mouth.

She just grumbles though, stubbornly presses the cold glass tighter against her lips. 

The alcohol is light and sweet on her tongue when it meets her lips, but still bitter and fuzzy with every swig. They send jitters through her nerves and make her orientation oscillate between sobriety and drunkenness. 

Seungwan knows she has always been a good drinker. She has higher tolerance than most—back in Canada, she used to drink the nastiest concoctions only high school kids could whip up. It often ended up in mean hangovers that lasted for days and several more promises of not doing them again, only to find herself doing them again and puking all over her front lawn in the morning for her parents to see.

Since then, her tolerance has solidified itself to a T. She can handle her alcohol well. This is nothing. Five bottles of relatively mild beer can hardly deter her.

But one should never underestimate the power of alcohol mixed heavily with feelings. What Seungwan was supposed to achieve with ten shots of tequila on an empty stomach is now happening on five bottles of Smirnoff Ice and appetizers.

Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

Joohyun’s cheeks are flushed as well beside her, but Seungwan notices that she is still on her third bottle, wedged in between her legs half-empty.

The lights from the rotating LED bulb hanging from the ceiling paint multicolored stars on the white walls of the room. It makes Seungwan even dizzier than she would have liked herself to be.

It must have been an hour or two ago, when she had dragged Joohyun out of their dorm room and insisted that they go to the nearest karaoke box outside of their university.

“I don’t…” Joohyun had tried protesting with an unsure grimace. “I don’t sing.”

“Everybody sings, Joohyun unnie.” Seungwan had forced herself to put on her most believable grin for the girl, not sure if Joohyun even bought it. She doesn’t really care anyway. She just needs to drown herself in alcohol and ten throat-scratching high-pitched songs about sadness right now.

“Well, I’m not good at it.”

“I’m not either.”

Seungwan knew it was a lie, of course. She just really needed Joohyun to come. And it wasn’t like she was going to spend her time singing perfect notes over clear melodies when she is hurting. One doesn’t enjoy karaoke with friends that way.

Eventually Joohyun budged, probably because Seungwan had been adamant that this was what she had meant by “distraction”, or maybe because she couldn’t anymore think of other card games to play. Either way, Seungwan is glad that the woman agreed to her whim despite the clear uncertainty that painted her face the entire way. Joohyun is nice like that.

It could’ve been Seulgi whom she invited, Seungwan would think in hindsight when they have already settled in a room at the far end of the hallway. Seulgi would undoubtedly sing to her heart’s content with her, bend over their bodies to try and reach high notes until the veins on the side of their necks protruded dangerously. 

Seulgi would yell, she would cry with her, get drunk and wobble over unsteady feet with arms slung over each other’s shoulders. But Seungwan always had to sober up earlier whenever she drank excessively with Seulgi. The girl sometimes blacks out when she has too much to drink, and Seungwan has to step up and be the bigger person between them so they don’t leave in an even bigger mess than they had come in.

Joohyun is different from Seulgi. Joohyun handles her alcohol well, doesn’t feel pressured to add more bottles whenever Seungwan does, and Joohyun keeps an eye on her.

For the first time in a long time, Seungwan is actually given the permission to lose herself to utter inebriation.

“Seungwan,” Joohyun’s soft voice calls out from beside her on the long leather seat. She is still chugging her beer mindlessly, gulping malt over malt to finish it as soon as possible. So I can move onto the next one.

“Seungwan.” Joohyun’s voice is firmer now.

“What?” she slurs when a small burp finally forces her to pull the bottle away. Joohyun doesn’t seem to mind the indecent slip though, and only looks at her seriously.

“Slow down,” the woman tells her kindly, patiently. “You need to slow down.”

“I need to get drunk, unnie!” Seungwan disregards her as she chugs the remaining one-fourth of her bottle, before setting it down on the glass table noisily. “Give me the remote. Give me… give me the—” She gestures blindly to wherever with droopy eyelids. “The thing… I want to sing.”

Joohyun cautiously hands her the big remote from her side with both hands, and Seungwan starts pressing keys the moment she takes them into her own.

She chooses an old power ballad her father used to sing at home when she was still a child. It is sad, it is hard to sing, and it is exactly just what she needs.

Joohyun just watches her closely from the side and lifts her amber bottle to her lips silently, crossing her legs.

There are so many things that Seungwan wants to forget tonight. There are so many things she wants to scream out into the metal mic and slip hot tears past her eyes to grieve. These are the same things that she should face as soon as possible instead of drowning them in bouts of bitter alcohol, but here she is.

Chanyeol had wanted to get back together with her, he made it clear when he showed up to her building and cornered her into an argument that she wasn’t ready for. He spoke of regrets, of things he hadn’t meant, of a love that was still there no matter how hard he tried to deny it, and Seungwan just couldn’t keep it to herself anymore.

How dare he say it was because she didn’t have time for him anymore? How dare he make it look like it’s her fault when she had been clear from the very start? How dare he speak about love and getting back together like he wasn’t kissing some other girl four days after their breakup?

Seungwan wondered if it was because she stacked her priorities in order of importance instead of learning how to balance them. She wondered if it was because she was too serious and had commitments far too outstretched for her own age. 

She wondered if it was because she wasn’t wild enough, wasn’t risky enough, wasn’t cool enough that she couldn’t bear sacrificing an exam for a relationship that was going awry.

Chanyeol made her wonder if she wasn’t good enough.

So she cried it out. She cried it out in between choked up lyrics and off-key notes that scratched painfully against her dry throat until she couldn’t anymore. She got a bad score on her performance, not that she expected any better, and flopped onto the couch next to Joohyun with a deflated slouch of tired limbs and gentle wheezes.

Joohyun was just studying her the entire time, not speaking or doing anything except for occasional sips from her beer. When Seungwan rolls her hung head to look at her, she just gives her a small smile and a gentle pat on her kneecap. Soft and fleeting.

Seungwan wonders if Joohyun feels. If she has ever been heartbroken, if she has ever doubted her worth, and what she would have done to heal in such situations.

Would she cry like Seungwan too? Would she drink and drink until the lights have doubled and hurt her eyes, would she keep going until it numbed her bones and made her body float? 

Would she also find solace in an obscure friend that sleeps a few feet away from her and watches her drool on her pillow early in the morning?

Seungwan realizes that she doesn’t want Joohyun to answer that at all. She realizes that she doesn’t want to see Joohyun in pain like she is. 

Such a kind, warm, and patient soul like hers should never have to hurt over anyone. Joohyun is too kind, too sweet, too beautiful for anyone to plant hot tears on those glass cheeks and ivory skin. Joohyun doesn’t deserve pain, because she doesn’t cause it.

Her eyes are like little snow globes in the starry night of the karaoke room. They widen and blink rapidly when a hand Seungwan didn’t know she had lifted places itself gently over her cheek. When did that happen? But Joohyun doesn’t move, and Seungwan doesn’t feel the need to drop her hand either.

“You…” Seungwan drawls out in a slur and a difficult sigh as she tries to gather her thoughts. Joohyun’s skin is hot under her touch, or maybe it is just the alcohol and the stark contrast between cold metal and live flesh. Or maybe it is because this is Joohyun, and Joohyun has always been a very warm person.

“You are so good to me… you know that right?” 

The words tumble out of with more affection and husk than she had intended them to, and they both blink.

If possible, she might have even heard a little gasp from Joohyun before it was drowned out by the idle background music of the song selection screen.

But it’s true. Seungwan has always been grateful for Joohyun since the very beginning. She was always there for her, always so ready to cater to her. She showed up with a deck of old cards and thoughtful eyes, and smiled at her whenever she needed the show of happiness.

Joohyun never probed. She never pushed and demanded. She just sat there, almost too obediently, and hithered whenever Seungwan called.

Joohyun is so, so good to her. Joohyun doesn’t hurt her.

She places her hand over the one that has slowly started caressing her cheek—when did she even start doing that? —and squeezes it gently with a smile before prying it off. Not dismissive and rude, no. Actually, Seungwan thinks her touch may have lingered on her hand when she set it back down on the space between them.

“Because you don’t deserve any less,” she says, earnest and a little bit too flustering, before she breaks their eye contact (much to Seungwan’s dislike).

Joohyun takes the remote that she had carelessly tossed to her side and starts pressing gently over the keys to choose a song.

Joohyun is choosing a song?

Joohyun is singing?

The older woman sports a silly grin when she stands up from her seat and grabs the mic that was resting on the table. Her tongue slightly juts out between the hollow spaces of her crooked tipsy smile and Seungwan remembers thinking she looked endearing.

She rests back on the sofa and giggles up at the woman who is now dancing goofily to the song she had just picked. She didn’t know if it was because Joohyun is a bit intoxicated, or if it is because she is just silly like that, but nonetheless she likes this side of Joohyun. It feels warm and familiar, personal even.

Joohyun suddenly whips from the screen with a finger gun her way, and Seungwan can’t help the laugh that escapes her lips when the girl clicks her teeth into the mic with a wink.

“Sit back, Son Seungwan.” Joohyun grins coolly. “I’m about to give you the revelation of your life.”

The telltale intro of We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together filters into the room not long after, and Seungwan's jaw drops in clear shock and amusement at the song choice.

“Are you kidding me?!” she nearly wheezes out in laughter when Joohyun a finger at her while singing. “This is so foul!”

“I know you want to sing it with me.” Joohyun’s grin is teasing and her eyebrows are dancing when she holds an arm out. Seungwan decides to forgo everything to take it with a cackle.

“Seungwan’s ex, you are never ever ever getting back together!” Joohyun yells into the mic with a nose scrunch, and throws an arm around her shoulder to share it for her part.

The sides of their heads press together with a jovial familiarity. Seungwan’s giggles resonate in the dark room when Joohyun pulls her closer to hold the mic up for the both of them.

“You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends,” Seungwan grins as she points at Joohyun, “Talk to me.” She points to herself and Joohyun shares her grin.

“But we! Are never ever ever ever getting back together!”

She loses track of when the sad night had turned into the most fun duet of cheesy dance moves and loud laughter in between locked eyes.

But Seungwan isn’t complaining. Joohyun’s laugh is contagious and her happiness is beautiful, much unlike the ugly heartbreak that sits in her chest.

No, she isn’t complaining at all.

 

-

 

The next instances come by in flashes for Seungwan, shifting between moments of wakefulness and then into near-blackouts. 

One moment she is still laughing with Joohyun over the way their voices crack in a song, the next she is stumbling over her feet while Joohyun wraps an arm around her waist tightly.

She manages a slurry apology, a hiccup or a giggle or a mixture of both, and Joohyun lifts her arm to wrap it around her shoulder. She is obviously too drunk to walk by herself now. She might have gone overboard after getting hyped by Joohyun’s performance that she kept ordering more beer for herself.

Joohyun wasn’t far behind, if she recalls correctly. They are both drunk; Seungwan is just way drunker than the other.

Streetlights and deserted asphalt transition into white fluorescent and careless shoes taken off before the threshold, and Seungwan wonders when the walk from the karaoke box had become so quick. It almost feels like they had teleported.

She giggles at that, because why not?

Eleven had turned into three, and bright lights followed into the moonlight. Seungwan can’t recall if it is her dreaming or the leftover alcohol in her system that lingered, but when white blankets had turned into a light pink shirt, warm sheets that used to be cold had suddenly grown a heartbeat.

 

-

 

“You know, it’s not worth getting awkward over when you think about it.”

Seungwan jumps on her spot with a light gasp escaping her lips, obviously taken by surprise. She was right outside the covered court of the Engineering building that afternoon, her head buried intensely into the brochure in hand about the university week that is coming up.

Joohyun is standing right beside her, a mere step behind her body with a gentle and knowing smile on her face.

“What are you talking about?” Seungwan mutters with a conflicted laugh. Joohyun had been leaning over her shoulder to try and get a good look at the brochure or just to spook her. 

Either way it flustered Seungwan greatly, considering she knows just what Joohyun is talking about.

She turns around to face the girl and takes a step back to broaden their distance.

“You were drunk, I was drunk too. It happens.” Joohyun shrugs nonchalantly, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to do. As if she was used to it.

Seungwan’s cheeks heat up at the implication, before she brushes it off with a shake of her head.

“It might be normal to you, Joohyun unnie, but it’s not to me,” she says carefully. “I was drunk off my , I can’t even remember a single thing. I just… no, I can’t fathom it.”

Joohyun laughs, tilting her head adorably to the side.

“Why do you make it sound like we drunkenly hooked up?” She raises an eyebrow at Seungwan’s growing blush, quite amused. “You just mistakenly dragged me with you when I laid you on your bed. Then you fell asleep on me. That’s all.”

“Not to mention I also drooled on your shirt, let’s not forget.”

“Did you? I was also hungover, I thought you just cried in your sleep.”

“Please.” Seungwan groans as she palms her face shamefully. “Can we forget that ever happened? Like.”

“I’m not the one who is all awkward and stiff the morning after. It’s been a week, Seungwan. Are you still hung up about that?” Joohyun laughs.

“It’s embarrassing,” she mutters with a pouty huff. “I can’t just forget about it. The only person I’d ever see myself doing that to is Seulgi, and that’s because we’ve been best friends since we were five.”

“Ouch, that mildly hurt.”

“No! I mean…” Seungwan groans once more when Joohyun just grins at her. “Why aren’t you awkward about it though, unnie?”

Joohyun shrugs, and takes a step so she is right beside Seungwan. She gets the idea that the woman might want to start walking from the area before their students get out—Joohyun has never seemed like the type to like large crowds.

Seungwan turns around and falls into step with her.

“Like I said, we were both drunk and disoriented. It’s not like you did anything disrespectful to me,” Joohyun explains. “We were just sleeping.”

Seungwan clearly remembers what the situation had looked like the morning after the wild karaoke night.

She remembers thinking the sheets were too hard to be her mattress, but too soft to be someone else. Her legs were preoccupied, tangled in a double helix of denim jeans and sock-clad feet on her ankle. Her arm had been carelessly flung over a soft curve to settle as a gentle grip on a flank, and it rose and fell in an even rhythm with the head that was pressed against warm skin.

Maybe she had slept on Seulgi again, she thought. It wouldn’t be a surprise for her to do so. There was an arm that was wrapped lazily around her shoulder and fingers that curled on her deltoid. The top of her head grazed a sharp chin, sweet whiffs of ambrosia and lavender invading her senses with a tinge of overnight alcohol.

Seulgi doesn’t cuddle like that. Seulgi is lean and round and smells of tangerine. Seulgi wasn’t with her last night.

When the reality dawned into her along with the bright calls of a painful hangover morning, Seungwan had shrieked and scrambled off of Joohyun in a flash. Her heart banged loudly against her chest, her cheeks pink and eyes wide.

Joohyun awoke not long after, being a light sleeper herself.

She had looked adorable with her messy bedhead and puffy eyes full of sleep blinking up at her, but Seungwan was more mortified at the wetness on Joohyun’s shirt that could only mean one thing—her drool. She had drooled on Joohyun.

She awkwardly moved around the dorm room after that morning, tiptoeing and staying as far away from Joohyun as possible in embarrassment. 

It’s not like she hadn’t enjoyed the shared sleep with the older girl. In fact, she might have enjoyed it a little too much hence the drooling. She just thought it would be weird for someone like Joohyun—she seemed like the type to allow a degree of physicality depending on how close the bond is.

But so far Joohyun hasn’t said anything mean about it, nor has she acted differently with her unlike Seungwan.

Does that mean her touch had been welcomed?

Joohyun’s arm presses against hers gently, the short sleeves of their collegiate shirts chafing against each other in a contrast of light grey and dark green, and their skins touch.

Does that mean they can do this now?

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” Seungwan lets out a small sigh of relief, deciding to drop the awkwardness in the air. It is curious how everything that has been off and crooked for the past week just suddenly came together so easily; as if the week-long avoidance between them hadn’t happened at all.

“So… we’re good, then?” Seungwan looks at the other beside her curiously.

“What do you mean? We’ve always been good.” Joohyun nudges her arm with a grin, wide and amused.

“I’m good to you… remember?”

Oh, God.

Seungwan’s jaw slacks and another wave of hotness blanches over her face down to her neck at the obvious reference.

“Remind me not to drink with you again. You’re just horrible!”

Joohyun laughs when Seungwan tries to hit her arm, but she just dodges the attack to veer a few steps ahead of her and starts backwards.

“Definitely not what you were saying back then,” she teases. “And don’t say that, I still want to see you puke behind a bush again next time.”

Next time? Seungwan blinks at the older girl who is walking backwards quite calmly, hands still on her back. Then that means…

“Unnie, watch out! There’s a car behind you!”

“What—”

Joohyun almost trips in her haste to move away at the warning, only to face an empty street and a nonexistent automobile behind her. Seungwan breaks into a boisterous laugh.

“Oh, so this is funny to you?” Joohyun has a frown on her face when Seungwan tries to control the sounds of glee from . There is an amused twinkle in her eyes despite her retort, so Seungwan doesn’t find it in herself to stop laughing. “Do you enjoy this?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. You should’ve seen your face!” Seungwan points at her in between giggles. “You were like—” She makes a face akin to the one Joohyun had, and only continues laughing shortly afterward.

“I am going to make you pay for this.”

“Yeah? How much? I kind of left my wallet in the dorm so I think I can’t pay—”

Seungwan shrieks when Joohyun charges headfirst in her way, swiftly averting her body to create a counter leeway before breaking out into a run on the street.

“Get back here!” Joohyun yells behind her. “You are not getting away, Son Seungwan!”

Seungwan singsongs a taunt in between her squeals and shrieks, the sounds mixing with quick pants and breathy laughter as Joohyun chases her down the street in between buildings.

She knows it is childish and quite a rambunctious display to any passerby, but sometimes a part of her just really wants to break free and enjoy these little pleasures in life that have been tucked away for the sake of bigger worries.

The more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that Joohyun has always made the simplest things into momentous wonders.

Playing cards, singing karaoke, running around the university streets while people looked and turned.

Seungwan’s laughter is free and clean and Joohyun is happiness in its simplest, most beautiful form.

 

-

 

 

When they have run around the entire block of buildings and exhausted themselves enough to call a truce, Joohyun hands her a water bottle from the outdoor vending machine in heavy pants. She inserts more coins into the slot to grab her very own, and Seungwan wheezes out her gratitude as she takes it wordlessly.

They sit on the bench just next to the machine, watching the sky above them turn orange with hints of indigo in silence. Seulgi and Yerim had coincidentally rounded the corner to find them not long after the shared moment of peace, their eyes wide and shocked at the sweat that lined both of their faces and Joohyun’s shirt that had turned dark grey.

Joohyun unhesitatingly points to her side in accusation, and Seungwan glares at her.

“Ack, Seulgi, stop touching me. I’m sweaty and sticky,” Seungwan would tell the girl off when she makes a move to drape herself over her.

“And whose fault is that, hm?” Joohyun’s smirk is taunting while Yerim fans at her shirt with her own brochure in hand.

Seungwan only rolls her eyes, and Seulgi giggles with a gentle pinch of her cheek.

“You guys are closer now, it seems,” the taller girl would say observantly into her ear when Yerim fusses at Joohyun enough to get her attention. “Should I be worried that I might get replaced soon?” She snickers.

“Hardly,” Seungwan grumbles with a pout. “No one can ever replace you, Seulgi. Definitely not Joohyun unnie.”

“I know.” She cackles. “But seriously, it’s quite a big stretch from the entire ‘roommates who only coexist’ thing that you were yapping about a month ago. It’s surprising.”

Seungwan lets her eyes stray to Joohyun’s annoyed frown and gritted teeth at Yerim who is just trying her best to help—although the girl is admittedly quite rough while handling her that Seungwan kind of understands the distress Joohyun is feeling.

“Yeah.” Seungwan unknowingly smiles when Joohyun catches her eye in the middle of her staring. The annoyed scowl on her face falters slightly to return the gesture, before it drops again to a frown when Yerim is back to fussing her.

“It is.”

 

-

 

There is a man in danger, Joohyun says, her voice serious and her face even more dreadful in the dark night. He is going to die if he does the wrong thing, and Seungwan’s eyes are wide with concern at the information, but the catch is that they couldn’t help him.

A gentle nudge finds its way to her arm, a characteristically familiar pressure that could only mean one thing and one person, before a warm breath tickles her ear from her side.

Joohyun is standing next to her with her eyes trained on the man in danger.

“How much you wanna bet he’s gonna lose that?” she asks in a hushed voice, careful not to disrupt the silent air that is thick with anticipation.

She nods to the man who is playing an intense game of Minesweeper on a computer, watching his cursor move thrillingly slow over the tiles. 

She waits, and waits, and stifles a snort when he clicks on a tile that happens to be a mine.

“Oh, my God—” Seungwan almost giggles with her but quickly swallows it down when the man looks over his shoulder vaguely, like he knows he is being watched. Seungwan looks away and focuses on a different computer behind her.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone get so invested in Minesweeper,” Joohyun says with amusement twinkling in her eyes when Seungwan wraps a hand around her jacket-clad arm. “I never understood that game.”

“Me neither.”

Seungwan tugs her away from the aisles of lined computers, dragging her to the front desk where she had paid to get her case study printed. Joohyun just allows herself to be dragged, her head whipping from one screen to another as she tries to look at the games being played.

Just like a little kid, Seungwan lets out a smile at how adorable Joohyun gets sometimes.

They had both gotten out on such a short notice that night. It is 9PM on a Thursday, Seungwan had screamed in worry when she found out their printer at the dorm was short on ink. It was a great cause of anxiety, with lots of screaming and Joohyun looking at her curiously from her pocket book on her bed, until she eventually calmed down and decided to get her file printed outside while she still can.

She tagged Joohyun along, because she can and she wanted to.

And Joohyun followed as well, quite voluntarily actually, for reasons unbeknownst to Seungwan.

Seungwan wonders if the willingness had stemmed from the fact that they have only gotten closer since the past few weeks. The changes are big enough to be noticeable, yet subtle enough not to be brought up.

Joohyun hangs around now. She talks more, teases more, and isn’t afraid to make jokes or pull mischievous little pranks on Seungwan anymore. She once hid beside Seungwan’s bed before she could arrive, and the poor girl had screamed and convulsed wildly when her roommate suddenly popped out with an amused grin on her face.

Seungwan gave her a lot of then—nearly got into a pillow fight after chasing each other around the small space of their dorm room.

Joohyun is talkative, and childish, and touchy and endearing. She sticks to Seungwan sometimes, like a life-size refrigerator magnet, but Seungwan doesn’t mind the touches whenever they come. In fact, she might even find that she likes them. 

Her natural clinginess, the one that had been stashed away to the deepest parts of her subconscious when she had to adapt to a less affectionate environment, is apparently a perfect complement to Joohyun's never-ending need to be touchy.

Not to mention Seungwan is pretty much an absorbent pad for everything that involves depth and intimacy, so it is not a surprise that she had welcomed Joohyun’s touches with way too much eagerness and enthusiasm to be called normal.

“I think we should go grab food before we go home, at least,” Joohyun would say thoughtfully when Seungwan finally finishes her work. “You owe me that much after dragging me all the way here.”

Seungwan snorts and pockets the change in her jeans before hooking her arm around the girl’s own.

“I didn’t drag you here. You willingly came. You didn’t even protest when I asked you the first time.” 

“Because I know you would still insist. And aren’t you hungry? I’m absolutely famished.”

“Actually, I am. What do you want to eat?”

“You?”

In retrospect, Seungwan thinks, it really wasn’t that deep.

“What?!” she chokes out at the seemingly unintentional innuendo. Joohyun only looks at her worriedly as she tries to help her ease the choking out. “Hello?!”

“Hi?” Joohyun holds her by the arms and shakes her up when her chokes have turned into small coughs. “What is up with you?” she chuckles confusedly.

“What is up with you?”

“I… I—what?”

“Why would you say that?”

“Say what?”

“That!”

“That? That what?”

Seungwan takes a deep breath as soon as the coughs have subsided, fanning a hand on her hot face breathily as she loops their arms together again.

“Never mind, never mind.” She laughs incredulously, more to herself. “You really never fail to surprise me, Bae Joohyun. You are terrifying.”

“I asked, You? I don’t know what was so terrifying about that.”

“It was the timing of it and your… choice of words.”

“I don’t see how it was odd in any way. Was it odd in a way? In what way was it odd?”

“Ah, you know what?” Seungwan smiles overly brightly at the clueless woman next to her, reaching up her free hand to deliver a rough pinch to her cheek which had her yelping. “Do not fret, unnie. You are so cute.”

Joohyun’s cheek warms up under her fingers and she brushes them off with a pouty grumble despite the flushed look on her face. Seungwan internally swoons. Joohyun is adorable.

“I prefer hot and smart, but okay.”

“When will you ever be satisfied?”

“When you pay for dinner. Come on, let’s go!” Joohyun unhooks their arms for a split second and Seungwan nearly squeaks when the girl reaches down to tangle their hands together. Her face is suddenly hot again.

“What—”

“I’m thinking Hanwoo beef for tonight. Or that fancy restaurant a ride away from here.” Joohyun hums thoughtfully as she drags her along. “Or we could buy five different tteokbokkis with different flavors.”

“You’re surprisingly demanding for someone who isn’t paying.”

“Food is always better when it’s free. That is you, making it free. And this is me, making it better.”

“I’m broke!”

“And I’m hungry. Let’s go!”

In the end, Seungwan indulges Joohyun. Not with the expensive request of beef, of course; she has a more-than-average allowance every month but she is frugal. She does pay for the dinner that they are about to have in a local pub just a few streets down though. Joohyun said that they sell the best pork strips she has ever tasted, and Seungwan likes the look of innocent enthusiasm on her beautiful face so she just agrees with her.

They settle in a booth by the window, closely sitting next to each other despite the overly spacious curved seat around them. Nobody ever said they had to sit apart anyways.

A waitress bounds over to get their orders, and Seungwan gets whatever Joohyun is getting.

“Drinks?” Seungwan doesn’t miss her fleeting glance at Joohyun’s focused look on the cardboard menu.

“Ah, yes. I would like a glass of your craft beer.”

“Do you even think it’s wise to drink tonight?” Seungwan asks her worriedly as she shares the menu. “It’s a school day tomorrow.”

“It’s just a glass.”

“A glass will turn into another glass, and another glass and— do you even remember what happened when we last drank? Do you want a repeat of that?”

“I have self-control, mind you. Why are you so fussy tonight?”

“Because I don’t want to drag your drunk back to the dorms. I’ll get a strawberry juice, thank you.” She smiles at the waitress who is just watching the conversation blankly. 

“Well, that was because someone here—”

She turns back to Joohyun with the same smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“I’ll have a cola instead, thank you.” Joohyun smiles as she hands the menu back to the waitress.

Seungwan thanks the waitress who just awkwardly smiles and bows at them before walking away with their orders.

“The waitress kept looking at you,” Seungwan opens up randomly as she watches the waitress disappear behind the kitchen doors. “Shouldn’t be a surprise anymore but I can’t help but notice.”

“Why? Are you jealous?” Joohyun teases with a cheeky grin at her side, and Seungwan’s ears heat up.

“No, I just wonder how you can put up with all that superficial interest.”

“Huh.” Joohyun chuckles. “I know.”

“Wait, I didn’t mean it like that—”

“Hey, it’s no big deal. I’m used to it, it’s not like I fall for them anyways. Plus, they account for a lot of ego boosts so I’m not really complaining.”

“Wow, you really are horrible.”

“You said it first.” Joohyun smiles, and Seungwan rolls her eyes with a heart too warm. “Well, just so you know. It’s part of why my ‘lifestyle’ had come about, as you so discreetly-not-discreetly judged me for a while back. Consider it my villain origin story.”

“Lifestyle? Judging? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she feigns.

“The amnesia…”

“What?”

“Whatever. Anyways, um…” Joohyun shifts rather awkwardly. “You know most people really only date me because of… well.”

Seungwan places a hand over her arm, nodding at her encouragingly.

“You can say it, Joohyun unnie,” she says with an earnest smile. “You can be egotistical around me.”

“You are so annoying.” Joohyun cackles with a nudge to her arm that Seungwan only returns with a smile.

“Well, because I’m pretty.” Joohyun rubs her hands over her face shamefully to hide her reddening cheeks. “Cringe. Awful and cringe.”

“But not untrue.” Seungwan reaches up to pat the girl’s head a couple of times with a gentle smile. “And yeah, I get it. I didn’t judge. I just think you shouldn’t use that to justify how you treat people. You should be kind, always.”

“Don’t patronize me.” Joohyun chuckles as she slouches on her seat, pulling her eyes somewhere else outside the window.

“I’m just saying, unnie.” She gingerly wraps a hand around the girl’s wrist to loosen her up without moving. “Don’t be so defensive.”

“Hm.” 

Joohyun just wordlessly twists her arm until Seungwan’s hand falls into hers, surprising her. Her stomach had jumped at the contact, fluttered a bit since she is still trying to get used to this. They settle, calm and warm on top of Joohyun’s thigh. Familiar, like they belong there.

“I’ve always known you were rather non-confrontational, but I didn’t think it was this bad.” Seungwan giggles as Joohyun’s thumb starts rubbing soothingly on her knuckles.

“I have my moments.”

The waitress soon arrives with their orders still hot on a sizzling plate, and it breaks the small cloud of intimacy that has settled between them so they can receive the food. 

She doesn’t miss the lingering look on the waitress’ face again before she leaves, and she doesn’t know why it bothers her a bit.

“This is the part where you tell me I’m right, by the way.” Joohyun nudges her arm gently after swallowing down a mouthful. “The food is good. Thank you for the food.”

“You’re treating me next time.” Seungwan nudges her back with a smile.

“Yeah, yeah.” Joohyun nods along distractedly. “Don’t worry, I’ll treat you better.”

Seungwan coughs behind a napkin, tapping her own cheek to get a heat check. “You are insane, unnie. You hear me? Insane.”

“I’ll treat you to better things?”

“You know what? Just eat.”

She enjoys the peaceful (and playful) dinner with Joohyun in that small booth at the pub. A live band is playing at the back wing, away from customers who just want to dine in peace in front. The music reverberates in the air though, raw and real, and Seungwan hums along whenever she recognizes the songs.

The dimly lit aesthetic of the pub is very charming in a mature and relaxed way. She admittedly has never been to such kinds of places here. It would be nice to come back when it isn’t a school night. To just sit back, relax, and drink.

With Joohyun, of course. She can’t imagine herself coming here without the girl.

“So—”

There is ruckus in the back wing of the pub all of a sudden, a discordant chorus of hoots and yells and cheers resonating all the way to the front. Joohyun turns to her in intrigue at the sounds, and Seungwan returns it.

Wordlessly, they agree to give it a look out of pure curiosity. Who in their right minds would drink and fool around at this time of the night on a school day?

Seungwan wishes she never knew.

There in the dim back wing of the pub, past the pool tables that serve as the only bright lights of the dark room, a familiar face she knows as the center for the basketball team spots her and almost knocks over several bottles and ashtrays on his haste and panic. 

Sehun pats repeatedly at the arm of Chanyeol, who is currently making out with a girl from another university on his lap. Seungwan’s stomach still drops, and she hates it.

“, Sehun, what—”

Joohyun’s fingers have wrapped around her wrist gently the moment her ears started to ring with something other than the live band’s songs. 

Chanyeol is on his feet in a second, guilt blanching his face immediately the moment he spots her. His lips are swollen, his face and body sticky with sweat and Seungwan wants nothing more than to throw a bucket of ice cold water at him—

Joohyun tugs on her wrist gently, reminding her that she is still there. Joohyun is still there, beside her. She isn’t alone in her anger and upset.

“Let’s just go, Seungwan,” Joohyun says to her, low and cautious, and the flatness of her tone without its usual lilt gives Seungwan the idea that she is actually holding off angrier and more intense feelings than her.

The girl looks nothing like her, with her brown hair and face full of smudged makeup from all the kissing. Is it because she goes to places like these? Is it because she wears girly clothes that make anyone look? Is it because Chanyeol got to have her in a night when he had worked six months to get a kiss out of her?

Seungwan pulls away from the humiliating and agonizing scene in front of her and doesn’t know why she feels sick. She feels sick and stupid and there is a ball in the back of again and her nostrils hurt, her eyes prickle, and—

“Wait, Wen—”

She harshly pulls back the arm he had wrapped a hand around to try and get to her. The force effectively brushes off Joohyun’s without the same intention, but she’s far too gone, far too angry to even care.

She faces him with a hard jab at his chest. Angry. Seething.

“I do not care what the hell you do behind my back, you ,” she spats venomously at him between gritted teeth. “I do not care that you’ve done this so many times even when we were together,” she tries to swallow down the angry, overwhelmed tremor in her voice.

“But when you come up to me saying you deserve a second chance when you’re doing all of this—” Another strong jab that sends him staggering a step back. “I will not just sit here and watch you disrespect and humiliate me in front of your friends. Piss off, Chanyeol. Do not ever speak to me again.”

He still tries despite her hostility, thick-skinned and reaching out to touch her. 

“Wen, please—”

“Do not touch me.”

His fingers around her wrist are large and calloused and rough and they aren’t Joohyun’s.

“I said do not touch me.” She flicks his hold away but he only persists.

“Look, it was all just a dare, okay? It was all just a big dare and I lost and they made me do it and—”

Seungwan pushes him away again.

“Wendy, I—”

“Dude, back off.”

Seungwan is surprised that the voice does not come from her own mouth.

It was Joohyun who spoke. Her voice had gone low, and her face had turned dangerously dark. What once had worn the happiest, most angelic and beautiful smile is now downturned into one of the most hateful scowls Seungwan has ever seen. 

She has never seen Joohyun angry. Irritated, maybe, annoyed and inconvenienced. But she has never seen Joohyun this angry—her eyes enraged and her body so rigid that her clenched fists tremble at her sides.

Seungwan wants her to take it easy. Joohyun doesn’t have to taint herself with the ugly hatred for him. It isn’t worth it.

“Bae Joohyun.” Chanyeol is now turning to Joohyun with a surprised, recognizant gleam in his eyes. But Joohyun isn’t all that thrilled about the recognition; doesn’t seem to share the same sentiments by the way she is glaring at him.

He still has the nerve to show light interest in Joohyun even in this situation. It makes Seungwan sick.

“This is just…” He tries to laugh it away appeasingly while tugging at a struggling Seungwan’s arm persistently. “A small fight. We’ll just talk about it. See, I’m her—”

“I wasn’t asking you,” Joohyun cuts through with a flat intensity that quivers even Seungwan’s bones. “Get your hands off her.”

“Yeah, or what?”

Joohyun’s jaw clenches.

“Or I will ruin you.”

Everything stills for Seungwan at that moment. Joohyun is still looking up at Chanyeol intensely whose attention is now completely fixed on her. Her voice has gotten even deeper than the first time, way past its normal meek and light tone that Seungwan has become accustomed to.

If anything, this just makes her fervently remind herself never to get on Joohyun’s bad side.

“Ruin me?” Chanyeol is now scoffing incredulously at the threat, as if it were empty and far-fetched, but Seungwan knows better than to take Joohyun’s words with a grain of salt. She was always resolute; always pairing her words to actions without fault.

“You barely even know me.” His hand is still around her arm.

Joohyun’s eyebrow quirks. This can’t be good.

“Say, Park Chanyeol, does your father know what you’re doing here instead of studying diligently?” She plucks out her phone from her pocket and taps around on the screen.

Seungwan blinks and furrows her brows in confusion. They know each other?

“What are you—”

The last second of dialing tone clips on the loudspeaker when Joohyun holds the phone out for them to hear the conversation.

“Hyun-ah,” a man picks up the call in a gruff yet doting voice, “What made you call?” 

“Good evening, Dad.” Joohyun gives Chanyeol a meaningful gaze. “I was just wondering, are you still going to that meeting with Mr. Park tomorrow?”

At the mention of the man’s name, Chanyeol tenses beside Seungwan. He is confused, Seungwan knows. It’ll only be a matter of time before the panic kicks in. He has always been scared of his father, and it shows.

His hold tightens yet grows more and more hesitant around her arm in response.

“Ah, yes!” the man on the phone says, whom Seungwan now knows as Joohyun’s father. “He’s actually on his way to visit right now for a few drinks.”

“At this hour?”

“Of course. He’s been missing his kid lately so he wants to come and say hi.”

Joohyun’s lips curl into a telling smirk with her eyes still focused on Chanyeol, who is now starting to panic just as Seungwan had expected from him.

“Right, Joohyun-ah, don’t you go to the same university?”

“Yes.” Joohyun now turns her chin up at Chanyeol’s weakening resolve. “As a matter of fact we are together right now.”

“Oh? Mr. Park is arriving soon, maybe he would like to speak to…”

Chanyeol immediately lets go of Seungwan’s arm when he hears it, rendering her completely shocked. He drops his hold on her like it had been a scalding iron rod, shaking his head in rising panic at the situation.

Joohyun just regards him with growing menace, watches him hold his hands up in surrender with an intimidating smile that never reaches her eyes.

“No,” he tells her, keeping his voice low enough for the man on the line not to hear. “No, don’t do that. I— I can’t talk to him right now, I can’t—”

“Dad?” Joohyun asks into her phone with a redolent lilt to her voice, seemingly pushing Chanyeol’s buttons even more.

“Hm?”

Chanyeol’s jaw clenches in the thick air of anxiety Joohyun is brewing in the small space between them. Every second is agonizingly slow even to Seungwan who is just standing between them both, every breath bated and tensioned.

“I—”

“Please!” Chanyeol finally cracks with clasped hands in front of him, making Seungwan look at him in shock at the outburst. “Please… I’ve let go of her now. I’ve— see? See, she’s free. Just— just please don’t tell him… please.”

Joohyun looks at her then, yet all the intensity and sinister look in her eyes are almost nonexistent now. She just shares a silent look with Seungwan, a thoughtful moment.

“What do you think, Seungwan?” she asks her, voice surprisingly calmer.

Seungwan admits that it’s new to see Chanyeol like this—cowering and begging for mercy from someone when he would undoubtedly go up against anyone with his tall height. Much more Joohyun, who is almost the same height as her. But Seungwan can’t even blame him. Joohyun is scary.

Yet she must have been blessed (or cursed) with the biggest heart in the universe when God made her, because she still empathizes with the unadulterated fear Chanyeol is feeling right now. She knows his father well enough to know he is someone to be fearful of, and it felt wrong to capitalize on that fright.

“Let’s just go, unnie,” she decides with a pointed look at a pitiful Chanyeol next to them, taking a step closer to place herself beside Joohyun. “Let’s just forget about this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hyun-ah?”

Seungwan nods, wrapping a hand around Joohyun’s wrist a bit too needily. She needs to touch someone again who isn’t Chanyeol.

“I’m sure.”

Joohyun now holds the phone closer to herself with a nod of her own. She twists her arm in a familiar fashion, gentle and agile like she had done earlier, and Seungwan’s hand slips right into the hollow spaces of her fingers and spreads comforting warmth throughout. Just what she needed.

“Tell Mr. Park I said hi,” Joohyun says sweetly into her phone, giving Chanyeol a warning gaze with every word spoken. “And that we’re sorry we can’t talk right now. We are studying for tests so…”

“Then it can’t be helped. Well, goodnight, my sweetest flower! Do your best, okay?”

“Okay, Dad. Goodnight.”

The call drops, and Joohyun squeezes her hand to reassure her, probably. Seungwan just squeezes her hand back in silent gratitude and a plea to get out of the place already.

Joohyun makes sure to slip in another warning to Chanyeol when they leave the pub, tugging Seungwan gently along beside her.

“Try to bother Seungwan again and I will not hesitate next time.”

Seungwan just follows her, sparing a last glance at Chanyeol who still looks shaken up from the events earlier. She should feel bad, honestly, but right now she can’t feel anything but painful disappointment and newfound anger at him.

The last tethers of the love that she had privileged him out of respect have now been severed right out of her heartstrings.

She is just angry now. Angry and vindictive.

Joohyun keeps her close throughout the entire walk to their university, keeping her anchored from spiraling into a dangerous sea of grudges and deep hatred. Little squeezes to the hand, soothing grazes of their fingers against each other.

Joohyun is there. She always is. She always has been. Seungwan doesn’t even know why.

Maybe it’s because they are roommates, and Joohyun literally sleeps five feet away from her that it’s impossible not to weave their lives together somehow. But no, Seungwan knows one can live with someone and still not care for them as much as they did.

But Joohyun always cared. From the very beginning, from the first night she had allowed it, Joohyun was always there, talking to her, making her smile. Without fault.

Now, Seungwan is a thankful person. She is thankful for every ounce of care she gets from anyone, but to have someone go to lengths just to stick up for her—it just hits her differently. It stirs her greatly, and makes her quite emotional.

Joohyun is so good to her.

“Thank you,” Seungwan blurts out into the silence when they reach the gates and go in.

Joohyun seems surprised, her eyebrows pulling up. 

“Well… I mean… somebody had to do it,” she brushes it away with a small shrug. “I’ve always had this mean preconception of your ex anyways. But seeing him there, doing all of those things and disrespecting you, I just… I couldn’t sit still anymore.” She sighs.

“Yes, and thank you.” Seungwan squeezes her hand, trying at a smile. “I don’t know if I could’ve stood up to him properly had you not been there.”

“I’m sure you would have. And you did, though. You spoke back to him.”

“I did.” She laughs wryly at the memory. “I think— I thought it would feel great, you know? Putting him in his place. But after it I just… felt nothing. No accomplishment whatsoever. Just anger… and lots of disappointment.”

“Then that means you’re doing it right.” A smile finally pulls up on Joohyun’s face for the first time since the pub. Seungwan didn’t know she had missed it this much.

“Am I?” She chuckles softly to herself.

“I guess? I mean, there is only one right and wrong after a breakup, and the wrong is going back to the ex that hurt you. So I think you’re doing it right.”

“Well, that’s one simple way to put it.” Seungwan’s chest rumbles with amusement at Joohyun’s uncertainty with herself.

It’s almost impossible to believe that this is the same girl who had threatened Chanyeol to his bones earlier. The Joohyun back then had been borderline merciless, now all of that cold-blooded disposition has dissipated and she back into the usual girl she knows of.

How scary.

“Joohyun unnie,” she calls out into the night with a thoughtful look at their synchronized feet on the pavement to the dormitory complex.

“Hm?”

“How do you know Chanyeol?” she decides to ask, starting with the simplest of her curiosities.

Joohyun’s brows furrow, and her lips start to form a slight pout on them.

“I don’t,” she says flatly.

“Eh?” Seungwan has to halt their movements to look at the girl in confusion. “But you just— you knew his name.”

“It’s not hard to look him up on SNS.” Joohyun gives her a bemused look. “After a few words of mouth from people, I eventually got his name and his socials.”

“So you asked around for his details?”

Joohyun gives her a look that almost screams, Do you really think…?

“Okay, not that,” she backtracks. “Then how did you…”

Joohyun shrugs. “A lot of Law students are actually gossipers, believe it or not. It just took me a pointed glance when he walked down the pavement for people to think I was interested in him.” She sighs airily up at the sky, swinging their hands gently.

“But your father…”

It is this time that Joohyun grins at her, mischievous and way too accomplished in the darkness of the night. This cannot be good.

“... is thankfully friends with Sooyoung’s father. Park Sooyoung.”

Seungwan’s brain short-circuits.

“I was just bluffing the entire time,” Joohyun continues, seemingly unperturbed. “I can’t believe he actually bought it.”

Record scratch. 

“It’s probably my dad. He’s a pretty renowned lawyer here so I think anyone would assume he has connections everywhere. Though I doubt he knows Chanyeol’s father…”

Seungwan yanks on her hand and stomps her foot in shock at the entire situation.

Joohyun looks at her with wide eyes.

“You!” Seungwan yells, almost antagonizing. “You made me believe that you knew each other?!”

“Well… I had to sell it, didn’t I?” Joohyun speaks slowly, shoulders rolling into an uncertain shrug. “That’s the first rule of bluff: you have to believe in the lie yourself.”

“You… you—” Seungwan is lost for words now, feeling quite perturbed and dumb that she had fallen for the lie as well. Joohyun just tilts her head to the side in clueless confusion.

She yells in gibberish then, growing frustrated at the situation before disentangling their hands in upset.

“No words!”

“W-What—” Joohyun tries to reach for her hand, but Seungwan is already stomping away to the dorms in loud huffs before she could even catch a finger.

 

---

Endnotes: After 2 WEEKS I am finally back with this mess of a chapter. It's longer now but there was a lot of drama in this one + I consider it a Turning Point chapter that’s why it’s word vomit. Some of you are probably sick of the ex at this point and I'm sorry about that but I promise it'll only get better! :D

Did you guys see the cover for this fic? ^0^ It lowkey has a big "To All The Boys I Loved Before" energy ngl and I'm kinda embarrassed about that. But it's CUTEEE, I couldn't stop staring at Wendy. I hope you guys like it!!

This chapter was a literal pain to write (I made 6-7 drafts w/ completely different arcs before coming to the final draft) so I hope you guys enjoyed it!! Comments and upvotes/kudos would be most appreciated!! I love hearing how the characters' dynamics appealed to you guys hehehe. Till the next chapter!! ♡