Wendy thinks maybe love is not a feeling after all.

Joy might have stopped video-calling because of her busy preparation for the fashion showcase, but she resorts to texting once again. Wendy buries her head in her phone most of the time now and even Seulgi can tell her bandmate has been texting someone very frequently. Nevertheless, Seulgi is not complaining as she is seeing the happy and carefree Wendy again whenever they rehearse.

“Seul, can I come in?” Wendy knocks on her door around noon. The owner of the room rushes to invite her guest to come in.

“Hey- Wait, are you heading out?” Seulgi knows they do not have any schedule today, and the way Wendy dresses tells her that she is not merely going to the supermarket.

“I’m going to watch a show.” The blonde woman timidly confesses. “Joy’s show.”

The vocalist of the band raises an eyebrow, her eyes forming two crescent moons, “And?”

“Do you wanna come too?” Her hands are in her pocket, she is nervous.

Seulgi eyes her bassist up and cracks a smile, “No, I’ll pass. But you look great. Have fun!”

“Thanks, Seul. I will.” Wendy thinks she understands what Seulgi means.

It is not exactly a short drive to the venue, and at a random red light, Wendy suddenly realizes Joy never sends her any sort of invitation, so as the overly cautious person she is, she starts panicking and imagining all sorts of scenarios where she gets kicked out and made fun of.

What if she just makes a U-turn at the next block and goes home? Will this weird thing between them be finally over?

But something tells her to go ahead.

It has to mean something, right?

Having her car parked, Wendy and her trembling hands and anxious mind find their way to the entrance of the show venue, which is guarded by two burly security guards in shades and a woman in business suit who is wearing an earpiece and holding a clipboard.

“Hi, you must be Wendy!” The woman spots her first. “We’re expecting you. The show will start in 30 minutes and you are more than welcome to have some light refreshments in our VIP waiting room.”

“VIP?” The bassist gulps, and her fingers trace the seam of her slacks seeking for comfort. What has she gotten herself into?

“Yes, our show producer is a big fan of your band and we are honored to have you with us this evening.”

“I’m flattered. Thank you,” Wendy, out of courtesy, takes a quick glance at the woman’s name tag. “Miss Choi.”

“My pleasure. Now this way, please.” Gesturing the guards to step aside, the woman guides Wendy to walk down a long, well-decorated corridor which leads to the secluded side of the floor.

With a push of the door at the end of the hallway, Wendy is greeted by several familiar faces in the showbiz, including some fellow artists and big names of the fashion industry. The woman excuses herself once the other guests go up to greet the bassist.

A certain fashion designer who the band once worked with for their second album cover is excited to see her and hands her a glass of pink champagne, “Wendy! Didn’t know I’ll ever see you here! Last time we only met Seulgi and when we asked about you, she said you’re not interested.”

Another designer joins to the conversation and gives the bassist an approving nod after scanning her from head to toe, “Yeah, we always wanna ask you guys to play at the afterparty. We’re glad that you finally came and joined us.”

A fellow singer who always gets too friendly with her chimes in, “Right, the afterparty! Wendy, you’ll be there too, right?”

“Joy invited her.” Anothet familiar face cuts them off and pulls Wendy closer to her. The bassist almost breaks down in tears seeing the elegant silhouette of the older woman emerge from the wall of people surrounding her. “So, yeah, she’ll be there. Now, folks, may I borrow her for a minute?”

The guests quickly comply, and Wendy can only look at Irene thankfully as the latter drags her to the corner of the VIP room. Finally, some fresh air. It could be because of the quarantine days that she finds herself getting more and more socially awkward. Or perhaps it is because this is not the world that she is familiar with in the first place—it is Joy’s world.

“You’re spacing out,” Irene comments as she graces the chair with her presence. “Don’t do that during the show. Sooyoung will get upset.”

“Will she?” Wendy stares at the bubbles in her glass, swirling and whirling upwards like fragments of stars flying to the magnificent sky, a vastness of eternity which always feels as cozy as home.

The chief operation officer of one of the biggest modelling agencies just crosses her leg and lifts a small smile, “You’re so dumb.”

“Well, I admit that I am. No offense taken, by the way. Oh, not that you care.” Wendy chuckles and returns a witty remark. “And Seulgi is dumb as well. She still doesn’t know you are practically Joy’s boss. She thinks you're just a regular manager.”

“She’ll figure it out eventually. And you need to be more confident, like this,” Irene now has a softer look on her finely sculpted face. “Seungwan.”

While Wendy hates to admit that she always has a soft spot of Irene, or Bae Joohyun. But that is another story. Nonetheless, Irene basically watched her grow into the beloved bassist called Wendy from Seungwan who hid behind her SoundCloud account and worried too much. “Did you know I’m coming?”

“Joy told me.” The older woman puts down her empty glass. “And actually, she asked me if she should ask you to come when the lineup of this show was first confirmed. So, I asked her, ‘what is holding you back’?”

“What did she say?” Wendy expectantly asks as Irene just abruptly stops in the middle of her story.

“Huh? Ask her yourself.” Irene is the type of woman who only plays the game by her own rules. “Now we should get seated.”

Once Irene’s words fade into the void of the room, Miss Choi steps in and guides the guest to the runway area. Wendy sometimes thinks maybe Irene is not human. Maybe she is a time-traveler, a vampire, a robot, a deity—simply because she refuses to believe someone this perfect is a mortal like herself.

And by seated, Wendy never imagined it to be in the front row. She has never been so scared in her life as those long legs pass in front of her eyes. As a science major back in high school, Wendy is sensitive to measurements as well, and she would like to think that perhaps she is only as tall as their stomach at most.

Somehow, she wants to laugh, for it reminds her of the safari tip at a zoo with her family.

While Irene is still sitting like a statue of a goddess in a museum beside her, Wendy feels like digging a hole on the ground and burying herself there until the end of the time. She did not sign up for this. It is not humiliation, it is more like oblivion.

Like she is in a maze and all she sees is an endless field of nothing.

She does not even notice the change of the upbeat music or the lights dimming down.

And here she comes—walking out like she can be the open door. Joy finds her almost too soon on the runway, maybe it is a reason why she is seated next to Irene. Here she goes—beckoning to her so subtle like a beacon of light serenading to her percussions of waves.

Staring right into the empty parts of her. Shining like a valiant statue chanting about glory for centuries. Pounding on the shoreline and breaking down her walls.

“She’s here.” Irene’s quiet voice pulls her back to reality, towing her back to the shore of nowhere. “It’s time, Seungwan.”

Wendy blinks twice and see Joy already in her casual clothing standing in front of her, towering over her helpless body as always. This is not fair, this is not fair at all. She cannot look away, she cannot move, she is pinned down by just one gaze.

“You’re spacing out.” Joy inches closer since the music at the afterparty is a bit too loud. And Wendy can almost feel the warmth radiating from her, scorching, tickling, everlasting, doting. “Come dance with me.”

"‘Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes

I'm not playing with you, baby, I think that you should give it a go’"

“Why won’t you look at me still?” She tries again, and again. Rather than displeased, she sounds like she is imploring, like she is wishing upon a star because she knows it is not going to happen. She is stripping away her armor made of sharp words and watchful eyes. “Even when you were looking at me back there, I know that you weren’t really looking.”

It is hard, very hard. Wendy cannot bring herself to tell her she thinks she is not physically attractive enough to be with her, even if it is just in the same space. And every time she touches her, she is scared. She will see who she really is and walk away. They should not have crossed paths. They are just meteors colliding, only unfortune awaits.

Joy, who is actually impatient, brings up the question to the girl who always has too much on her mind, the type who cannot make a pancake because she calculates the pull of gravity in her cooking and overthinks, “What keeps you away from me?”

Now the ball is in her court. So strange, so hard, so unfair.

“You’re so full of wonder, Joy.” Wendy finally blurts out what is going on in her mind. “You are like bubbles. You’ll just disappear when I ever touch you.”

In return, Joy just laughs. Her hands snake around the bassist’s body at the beat of her heart, before cupping her face so very gently. As if Wendy is the one who will disappear.

“You are attractive.” Her eyes glimmer in the dim room, her voice echoes in her head muffling the crowd around them. “Inside and out.”

And Wendy thinks, if love is not a feeling, is it a sound, a face, a voice, or, a look?

“Sooyoung,” She mutters trying not to quake at her touch. “Can I call you Sooyoung? I’m a clumsy person, I think too much and sometimes talk too much too. You can ask Seulgi. I’m not perfect. I’m not cool-”

“Yes,” Joy cuts her off because she knows blathering is her defense mechanism. “Yes, yes, yes, yes. To you, I’m Sooyoung. You’re clumsy, you think and talk too much, you are cool, you are perfect. You don’t ever get to tell me how I should feel, Seungwan. It hurts when you aren't looking back at me whenever I’m looking at you. Is it too much to ask of you?”

She is stripping her bare. She is showing her it is okay to live with just your skin sometimes. She is begging her not to shut her off ever again.

“But,” Wendy finally understands the reason why she always feels under Joy’s gaze—she is . That is how loving someone is. No façade, no charade. So vulnerable, so stark, so blunt. “Is this even real? Are we really doing this?”

Joy backs off a little to give the bassist some space so that she can breathe, but her hands are still holding onto that petite body, “Do you need more time? Is that what you’re asking for? Just tell me.”

Wendy sighs as she takes one of Joy’s hands in hers, and of course Joy’s is bigger, embracing and engulfing hers like she always does, “I also hate it when you keep making the first move and I keep dodging. I don’t even know when I have become like this. And I don’t know how you can like me when I’m like this. But if you’re willing to give a try, why can’t I do the same?”

“You know what,” Joy yanks her hand and pulls her back into her arms. “Before today, I was still second-guessing. I was thinking maybe you don’t like me at all, maybe you think of me as a friend and are too nice to reject my advances. I don’t wanna keep talking through the screen, you hear me? I want to do this. I was telling myself if you aren’t holding onto me then I will just let go.”

“I’m holding onto you.” The bassist smiles for the first time today and circles her arms around the model’s waist like she is hugging a giant teddy bear, “Let me prove it to you. I’m not saying this because I’m solely acting on my impulse. I’m not saying yes because you are looking so lovely right now. Let me.”

“She said, ‘Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes

I wanna see and stop thinking, if you're too shy then let me-

Too shy then let me know

But if you're too shy then let me know

If you're too shy, then let me go’”

Joy is one fine, young woman who respects personal space, so she did not push the hamster further for the answer she has been wishing to hear. She is not winning something by force, that is for sure. They can do this step by step.

Though Irene was slightly annoyed by the slow progress of the two.

And Joy’s patience eventually pays off when Wendy has sent out her first formal invitation for the first show of their band’s tour.

Where they find themselves tangled in the exact same way after Joy joins Wendy by the backdoor of the same old boring celebration party. She cannot wrap her head around how Wendy manages to draw her closer and closer every day. It is not what she usually does, being so attached.

And whenever Wendy is on stage, she looks like she is a different person. Not that Joy does not like it, probably because she herself also has a stage persona, but she cannot help but wonder how many things this woman has been hiding behind that confident smirk, what she has been trying to forget in her countless days of plucking those strings.

Wendy is so wrong. She is so, so wrong. Even when she is on the right side of the stage, she shines. Her voice shines through, like a ray of sunlight creeps up to your windowsill. Call her biased but it is what it is. Seulgi is a great performer and she takes the stage like a storm. But there is a reason why they are in a band. Ah, dumb and dumber go together so well. She is so glad that they are just platonic friends.

Speaking of which, she might have to thank Seulgi later for inviting a bunch of her artist friends who help distracting the press and other personnel.

Now in her band merch, aka a black tank top that showcases her well-toned stomach and arms, Wendy stands in front of her and has to look up to match her gaze—which is unlawfully adorable and hot at the same time.

“I’m here now,” Joy has no choice but to give her an ultimatum, “Kiss me or walk out of the door this instant.”

“Sooyoung, please.” Wendy quickly looks around to make sure no one is looking their way before tiptoeing to plant a kiss on the woman’s cheek. “Now hear me out first. I want you to know what I feel.”

The tall woman lets out a giggle as she touches the spot on her face which has just been kissed, “Aw. I meant on the lips, but I’ll take it. I’m going nowhere.”

“Sooyoung, you’re lucky that I like you.” The petite bassist has to roll her eyes at the return of the model’s flirty attitude, “You know that I’m scared. There was a time when I didn’t even believe in fairytales and happy endings. It’s not easy to tell yourself, hey, I’m in love. I thought it was like music to your ears, quite literally. I tried to write songs about you, but I cannot. They all . I’m so overwhelmed. Every time I think of you, I have to stop what I’m doing and catch my breath. Now you’re here with me and I almost feel like I'm going to faint.”

“So,” Joy can’t help but bring up her hand to pinch that cheek again. “Does it mean that there’s no music in your head whenever I’m around? That’s no good-”

“No, no.” Wendy quickly clarifies as she laughs at her own thoughts, “Just not my own music. Like, an aria…… Operas?”

“Operas!? I thought you are a rocker? I’m not disappointed but-”

“Music knows no boundaries.” Wendy just does not know how to explain it properly to the grumpy woman at such moment, so she resorts to doing the simplest thing of all—to kiss her, again, but on the lips this time.

“No, no, sulla tua bocca lo dirò

quando la luce splenderà!

Ed il mio bacio scioglierà il silenzio

che ti fa mia!”

(“Nessun Dorma” from Puccini's “Turandot”)

“Wow,” Joy leans back a little, “I don’t know what operas you are listening to, but I dig it if this is what is in your head. So, hm, are we official now?”

“Yes, Sooyoung, yes.” Wendy nods happily after finding out that it is not hard at all. “You can now pinch my cheeks all day.”

For she is not just a girl on the screen, she is the heroine in her story.

I'm so sorry that this update is overdue! It's kinda difficult to focus and write these days.

Anyway, I have been asking around to see how people are liking the setting of this story and--I might turn this into a collection of one-shots that centers around WenSeul's band. But of course Joy, Irene, and Yerim will play a part for sure.

Let me know in the comments how you think.

And I hope you enjoy the ending as well. I know it's a bit short but after all, it was intended to be a one-shot in the first place. 

p.s. Personally I find that opera twist in the end kinda funny lol But yeah, I love operas.

By the way, the rough translation of those lyrics are, "No, no, on your mouth, I will tell it when the light shines. And my kiss will dissolve the silence that makes you mine!", and I just find them fitting.

As always, stay healthy!

I'll see you soon.