A/N: don't worry, i wrote an epilogue for this. forgive my errors as well ㅋㅋㅋ

The altar is ready. 

Kai is ready. 

But at the far end corner of the church comes a bride who cannot move an inch to go to the aisle and start the unifying ceremony.

Jennie fumbles on her veil as she blankly stares to nothingness, and if not for Jisoo who is nudging her, she will not notice that the bells have already rang and their wedding song is already playing, waiting for her to walk down the aisle.

Being a little bit in daze, she takes a step forward, and another, and another step, until she is with her dad. His dad has his cheeks hurting from smiling non-stop, feeling proud that he raised a very fine woman. Their father-daughter relationship may not be as tight as with her mom, but she didn’t want to ruin his father’s joyous mood, and share the burden of her being indecisive.

It takes all Jennie’s strength to smile back and reach in for his dad’s arms, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by the groom waiting at the altar. Kai feels like something is off. He thinks it might be just one of those wedding jitters, or probably cold feet, but he feels like he’s taking a step back in every step Jennie makes towards him. It’s not about how the flowers are a bit disarranged on the pews; or the color of the theme which he obviously hate (he hates anything in pink); or the child crying at one of those rows – he definitely doesn’t give a damn on those things. But instead, this nagging thought at the back of his mind (that he relentlessly chose to bury deep down) keeps resurfacing at the most not-so convenient time of his life.

He saw what happened last night between Jennie and Lisa when he was reviewing the CCTV footage of the villa while he was looking for the brunette as well. It was just a kiss, though a little bit passionate for his liking. And well, they are both girls and best friends. But best friends don’t kiss like that. Hell, BFFs don’t even eat each other faces like that. But Kai thought it’s just a one-time thing, and he is not gonna let that one incident break off their wedding because he waited for 8 years for this to happen and to let that 30-second blasphemous thing to ruin their wedding is an utterly huge insanity. He didn’t even tell or asked Jennie about it this morning. He believes that he can let it just slide, besides, it’s nothing more than that. 

But it’s so hard for him to not think about it. Especially when he sees Jennie trying hard to reflect a smile back to him. He also notices how Jennie scans the whole area by looking around the crowd, like she’s waiting for someone to come and take her. Nah, Jennie must be kidding him. Is she expecting Lisa to come? 

There is no ing way that she is seriously considering ditching our wedding, Kai thinks.

He isn’t mad at Jennie, though. It’s just frustrating how bothered Jennie looks right now if the thing that happened last night doesn’t matter to her. 

Ever since Kai and Jennie reunited (they broke up on their 4th year and got back together after 3 years), Kai was aware how close the 2 girls are, a little too close for comfort, actually. There were times when Lisa gets too clingy, as if they were attached to the hip; and becomes overprotective of Jen every time when he and Jennie gets into an argument.  He didn’t mind it though, because even if he knows that Lisa is gay, he’s pretty sure that her girlfriend doesn’t go that way. 

For goodness sake, Lisa has a girlfriend and there is no way in hell that she’d be cheating to him for Lisa. If she doesn’t feel anything for Lisa then she shouldn’t be acting this way. In fact, he has all the right to lash out on them but what’s holding him back? And with that, he can’t help but have this doubt in the corner of his heart. It bothers him a lot, and slowly, doubt topped with hate is dawning upon him at the thought of Jennie cheating on him.

His best man seems to notice his uneasiness, gives him a pat on the back, and he timidly smiled as a reply.

“You good bro?”

Kai wanted to answer the question but he thinks that his resolve might crumble the moment he opens his mouth. So he just nods and smiles. It might be his last time to smile, he thinks.

“Are you okay?”, Mr. Kim asks, putting Jennie’s hand down, preparing to hand her over to Kai.

Jennie briefly pauses, then she looks up to her father with her glistening eyes, like she’s about to cry. She looks defeated, biting her lip.

“I’m… sorry Dad.”

“What…”

Jennie then faces Kai and mouthed a big “sorry” as she shakes her head. Slowly, she lets go of her Dad’s arms taking small steps backward. The crowd remains silent but you can see the shock on each and everyone’s faces, including Jennie’s mom and Kai’s family. But it didn’t reach Kai as he remained stoic on his spot. He saw this coming but he chose to ignore the red flags. He feels like he should be blaming himself for letting it come to this point. So Kai just stands there, not able to even move an inch to catch up with the runaway bride.

Jennie turns and ran as fast as she could while taking off her veil and heels. She doesn’t care if she looks like right now, running barefoot with smudged make up – all she wanted is to go away because she might vomit at how her conscience is eating her up.

First, she is guilty for cheating on Kai; second, she is so embarrassed for her family and she knows that his dad is going to disown her because of this; and lastly, she hates herself for even thinking about Lisa at this very moment when she was in fact the reason why she bailed out the wedding.

Her eyes are now blurry, filled with tears, and it couldn’t get any worst when the rain suddenly poured down. Heck, she just wanted to sink on the ground right now.

“!!!”, she hisses under her breath. 

She can hear her name being called from behind but she never turned back, she just ran and ran farther away from the church and when she is about to reach her car, she sees a tall figure running towards her direction. Jennie feels like her eyes were just playing tricks on her but when she bumps into the figure, she knows that she isn’t dreaming and it is indeed Lisa who is in front of her, enveloping her into a tight hug.

Jennie chokes a sob and dives her head into Lisa’s chest, feeling secured for the first time this day. She never felt so relieved as she is right now in Lisa’s arms. And then somehow, all the guilt and pain that consumes her are slowly fading away in Lisa’s presence. 

“Let’s go home, Jen.”

---

Jennie is now tucked in bed, fast asleep at Lisa’s apartment. Lisa didn’t have to ask the brunette where she wanted to go because she’s so sure that the latter didn’t want to go back to her house.

A while ago, the brunette never stopped crying while they were in Lisa’s car, and her soaking wet clothes (including Lisa’s) didn’t help her for calming her nerves. Lucky for Jennie, Lisa has a blanket stored on her compartment so she gave it to the brunette to ease her suffering. But the blanket only gave comfort to a certain extent – Jennie’s chills didn’t stop and it worried Lisa so she halted the car on to the sidewalk. She reached in for Jennie and hugged her, while patting her back.

“It’s okay Jen, I’m here. Take a deep breath. Inhale… exhale…”

The brunette latched on Lisa’s arm and let herself fall on her chest. Soon enough, Jennie’s breathing stabilized through Lisa’s guidance. The brunette’s panic attack is not new to Lisa – she knows it when it happens and she knows how to stop it. As soon as Jennie has calmed down, Lisa continued driving so that both of them can finally rest.

Lisa has let Jennie sleep on her bed and decided to give her some space. But Jennie asked her to stay, beside her, and it seldom happens so Lisa didn’t argue anymore and slipped in beside her.

And that’s how Jennie ended up snuggling beside her, one arm latched on her waist, head nuzzled on her neck. In a perfect world, she would have cuddled Jennie back and fall asleep as well but that isn’t the case because they are living in a cruel world and she has to stop daydreaming. She has some packing left to do.

Her heartbeat must have gone fast, because when she’s about to get up, Jennie suddenly speaks.

“Lisa yah…”

“Hmm?”

“What’s bothering you?”

Not wanting to prolong the agony, she slowly sits up where Jennie follows suit, half-lidded. She reaches for both of Jennie’s hands and clasps them together with hers.

“Actually, I have something to tell you.”, Lisa starts.

Jennie fixes her gaze on the blonde’s eyes and from what she is seeing, it must mean something bad.

“The reason why I went to your wedding earlier is to…say goodbye.”

The brunette remains silent, waiting for the blonde to carry on. But her smile starts to fade with her hopes of being in a better circumstance with the girl in front of her.

“I’m leaving tomorrow. Been planning to go back to Bangkok for a while so I think it would be best if I do it now. And besides, Dad’s business is growing, he might need an extra hand… But the thing is, I don’t know for how long? Maybe, quite a few months? You see, I don’t really have a concrete plan yet but I badly need this and–“

“You’re… leaving.”

It’s not a question for the younger girl – it’s more of like a statement, a reminder, a reality that she heard her right and that wasn’t dreaming.

Lisa nods. She reaches for Jennie’s arms to soothe them as the brunette looked down.

“How about me?” Jennie mutters under her breath, almost a whisper if she didn’t add the last of her strength in her voice.

“You will be okay… without me. You can do that, ey?”  

“That’s easy for you to say.”

Jennie hisses, hurt now laced on her tone. She doesn’t understand Lisa. She withdraws from Lisa’s hold and stands up. Lisa follows her from behind and catches her hand to make her face her.

“That’s not true.”

“So what now, huh? You just kiss some girl and make her realize she ed up, big time, and then just…leave??”

“Hey, it’s not like that, Jen.”

“Then what is?! You think y-you can just go on with your life like… how you planned it, without me in the picture?”

A lone tear falls down on Jennie’s cheek.

“No, no, Jen, that’s not the point.” 

“Can’t you see? I left Kai for you! I ruined everything for you!”

Jennie lets go of Lisa’s hands and pounces on Lisa’s chest as she cries. The younger girl tries to stop her by shielding herself and when she couldn’t take it anymore, she catches her hand and bursts out.

“But I didn’t ask you to!”, Jennie stops and drops her hands.

“From the very beginning, I never asked anything from you. In fact, I hate myself for not even bothering asking you if like me because if I just had the courage before? Then we wouldn’t be ed up just like now!”

“But it doesn’t make sense Lisa. It doesn’t.”

“Look, you don’t have to wait for me. Don’t waste your life waiting for someone undeserving like me. You deserve so much better than this, Jen.”

“No Lisa! You don’t get to tell me what I deserve or not. You don’t get to shove me to other people like that because I chose you over anyone and the least you can do is to tell me that you’re ing worth it!”

Lisa thought she had all of this figured out – she would go to the church to see Jennie like what she promised to her, bid goodbye, pack her bags and go wherever she wants. She was so sure of herself, for the first time in her life, that what she’s about to do is the best option that she has. But listening to what seems like a confession coming out from Jennie, makes it a lot more complicated than it is already. Having the truth spilled right in front of her is too much, and her mind won’t take it because it was too good to be true, and she’s afraid to let herself be dragged into this reality because it’s easier to run and running is safer than standing still. 

“Jen… I’m sorry…”

“It’s that all you can say huh? Sorry?! What the , Lisa!”

Lisa tries to take a step forward to Jennie, but the latter stepped back. Lisa tries again until Jennie is pinned on the wall. Jennie flinches as the younger girl pounces her hand on the wall. But the minute their foreheads touch, Jennie felt a flash of relief, but was soon cut-off by a warmth cascading to her cheeks coming from Lisa’s tears.

“I’ve hurt so many people, Irene, Kai, your family...and you. I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“Lis, you know that’s not true.”, says Jennie as she soften her gaze on the blonde.

“No, you don’t understand. I’ve ruined so many lives in just a day. And for what? For my own selfishness? I… I feel so guilty and – “ 

“That’s not right.”

“You know how much I want you right? You were all I’ve always longed for. I’ve even dreamed of this moment to come! But now that it’s already right in front of me, it suddenly feels like I don’t deserve it at all. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”

“Why?  I don’t understand Lisa.”

“Because I…I realized that i’ve been hiding these feelings for you for a very long time from my…from Irene.”

Lisa pauses. She holds her breath.

And then breathes out.

“It felt so wrong, Jennie.”

Jennie feels the weight of Lisa’s words and it scares her. She feels like she’s slowly losing her.

So she begs.

Jennie cups Lisa’s face with both of her hands, tries to wipe off some tears and looks at her eye to eye.

“What can I do to change your mind?”

Lisa’s breath hitches. It’s too painful for her to hear.

“Please, just tell me. I’m… I’m begging you, don’t leave me please?”

“…”

“I can do anything. I’ll do anything for you Lis.”

“Then you have to let me go.”

“That’s so unfair, Lisa!”

“I know! And I ing hate myself for not being able to do anything about it!” Lisa said a little too loud than intended. And she hates herself even more for making Jennie cry. It’s so hard watching Jennie at this state – it kills her little by little.

“I have to do this. For myself.” Lisa pauses, trying to catch up with her breath. “For us.”

Lisa expects a slap, or a pounce, but instead, a warm and tight hug envelops her.

“I guess it’s goodbye, then.” Jennie mumbles, almost a whisper. Her head still hang low as she tries to stop herself from tearing up.

“I’m really really sorry, Jen.”

“I’m going to miss you so bad.”

Lisa leaves a lingering kiss on Jennie’s forehead. She shot her gaze on every inch of Jennie’s face, trying to take it all in, all at once. There is that one thing that Lisa wanted to say so bad – the urge is so high, so high that her chest might burst at any moment. But she doesn’t want to worsen the situation by saying things she shouldn’t have. She wouldn’t have to ruin what’s left between them. Because to be honest, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing the girl she loved the most. 

“Me, too.” 

Lisa embraced Jennie, a little bit tighter and longer than it should be. She doesn’t want to let go but she has to. And if she will not be pulling away in any moment then her resolve may crumble and go down the drain. She doesn’t want that to happen.

“Now, can you help me pack?”

———

Jennie sent Lisa to the airport after spending the night at the younger girl’s place. As much as she hated the idea of being away from her, she thought it might be the best thing to do for both of them, as she herself has some mess to deal with as well. It took a lot of her might not to get off of her car and run towards the leaving girl. And she was glad she did it, gave herself an imaginary pat on the back for being strong. And she let herself cry so hard, besides, she deserves some consolation for doing one thing right for the first time – to let herself be free.

And now that she had nowhere else to go, she goes home.

But that is where things got a bit more complicated. His dad was not talking to her, spite in his eyes were so easy to spot on but Jennie chose to ignore it and still bowed to him. Her mom, on the other hand, showed nothing but care and longingness, asking where she’s been and what she’s done; but Jennie thought she didn’t deserve any kind of sympathy for what she did. She deserves to be punished, like what she thought his father would have wished for her to be, and be deprived of anything she once have.

Jennie stayed in her room for days, barely eating, barely living. She didn’t bother checking her phone full of Jisoo’s messages, her bosses’ followups, fake concerns of her colleagues, and Kai’s single drunk text. Her mom comes in her room every now and then but she never faced her nor talked to her once, and this went on for more than a week. Jennie couldn’t stop crying, as if she has lost a huge part of herself, and that void she is feeling right now is filled with nothing but hatred, regret, and frustrations. 

She should be okay, because in the first place, it was her choice. She chose to run away and she chose to let her go and she doesn’t deny the fact that it liberated her from being weak, from being someone who is so used to with just going with the flow. But the more she ruminates about it, the more she convinces herself that running away just to let her go was not her most rational decision after all. Jennie was not the selfish type of person but for once, she wished she would have been evil enough to take everything all at once.

Her train of thoughts were interrupted by the creak of her door, noting that someone has entered her room. She tried to look at the door but her eyes were too sensitive on the light she couldn’t see who it was. Her attempt to see it clearer was futile so she get up and sit by her bed, but her body was too weak to even lift her blanket so she remained leaning her back on the bed frame. But what surprised her is when that person held her hand, a little tighter than it should, and heard sniffles and silent whimpers.

“Jennie, my daughter…”

When she opened her eyes, finally able to adjust with the light, she was taken aback to see his dad sitting beside her bed, weeping for what seem like an imagination to Jennie. She must be hallucinating, she thought. But if it’s an illusion then why does her heart breaks at it?

“I’m sorry Jennie, you know I love you daughter right? Forgive me, please.”

“…”

“Comeback to us, Jennie-yah.”

His father’s sorrow was so contagious because it reached her so fast, and she didn’t have the time to react because her own reaction betrayed her own will. Soft whimpers turned into loud sobs and the next thing she knew is her father was hugging her already, while her mom watching the both of you from the doorway.

“I’m really sorry, Dad. I didn’t know it would be so hard.”

“No Jen, I am sorry. I never wanted to make you feel like…like you and your feelings don’t matter to us. I’m so sorry for making you feel that way, my daughter.”

As his father sobbed, he slowly moved out of Jennie’s bed and kneeled in front of her as he clutched on her knees. Jennie quickly went down to his father and hugged him back, stopping him from kneeling in the process.

“Dad, stop. You don’t have to do this.”

“I’m really sorry. I… I should have supported you, and be there when you needed us the most instead of shutting off your world. And I regret every single second i’d let you down. We love you Jennie. Your mother and I don’t want to lose you. You’re valid Jennie, please bear that in mind.”

And that’s it. A wave of emotions hit Jennie so hard which made her choke a sob, and then finally letting it all go, tears racing to roll down on her cheeks.

Her father wrapped her in his arms, which felt like he hasn’t done for years. He hugged her tighter, letting her feel that he is there, and that she’s not alone in everything that she’s going through. It was a hug for what it seems like an anchor for both of them to keep afloat and stay alive. Her mother soon joined them in this unity. 

And for the first time in months, she finally felt heard.