Lisa and Irene are now side by side standing in the elevator, no one between them dares to speak as if they were scared that they may step on each other’s uncharted territories. Lisa sneaks beside her, having a quick look on her girlfriend, but Irene cant seem to be budged as she fixed her gaze on the door with a serious look plastered on her face. Lisa then remained her head down, not wanting either to start a conversation.

 

 

Finally, the door rang a bell and opened up, and it was Irene who went out first heading out to her Porsche with Lisa trailing from behind. The 2-min walk from the elevator up to the car felt like walking on a bridge filled with glass shards, it tires and bleeds the hell out of you.

 

 

Irene gets in the car without even paying a glance to the blonde. She wears her seatbelt and switched on the car but it was Lisa’s hand that stopped her from shifting the gear. She just heaved a deep breath.

 

 

“Hey, look at me, please?” Lisa softly asked, her hand still clutching on Irene’s.

 

 

The older girl sighed again and leaned back to her seat. She just let Lisa took her hand, softly pressing her palm back. After another sigh, she finally looked at Lisa and frowned.

 

 

“I was looking for you the whole night.”

 

 

“I know, I’m sorry Joohyun ah…”

 

 

Silence emerges between them but looking at Irene, she looks like she’ll burst at any moment.

 

 

“…”

 

 

“Hon, listen to me, it’s not what you think.”

 

 

“You know what hurts? I thought that coming up with you tonight is a brand new start for us. I mean, I was surprised you agreed in the first place, so I thought, ‘hey, she has moved on already, this is a big deal, right?’. Because you have been so in love with her for the longest time and thank God, she’s getting married ‘cause if not? What else do I have now?”

 

 

“You have me.”

 

 

“But it doesn’t feel like that.”

 

 

It stings and it burns Lisa. She never thought that hearing those words from Irene will make her feel all sorts of pain and she didn’t like any tad bit of that.

 

 

Lisa kept mum, their hands now disentangled, and Irene hates it because she wanted to talk, to lash out and to shout but most importantly, she wanted to her Lisa’s voice. She wanted her to console her, to say sorry and apologize to her. She wanted to feel that Lisa would do anything for them, to save them.

 

 

But the longer the silence there is, the scarier she gets because she feels like Lisa has been slowly drifting away. And she thinks if she will be able to bear this kind of weight on her shoulders for the rest of her life if they will be together. Yes, Lisa’s physically with her, but does her heart and mind still belongs to her? Or was it even hers to begin with?

 

 

“I’m setting you free, Lis.”

 

 

The younger girl was shook that made her face Irene immediately. Is she hearing things right? Oh god, she didn’t think she can handle a second heartbreak for tonight.

 

 

Lisa was welcomed with a tearing up Irene. She knew Irene as much as she knew Jennie so it hurts her to see her at this state, and to know that she has been the reason why the older girl is suffering. Does Irene deserve all of this? No. If anyone else who should be blamed right now is herself.

 

 

“No, I don’t want to break up with you. I… I-I… I don’t want any of it! No…”

 

 

Lisa fumbled as she cupped Irene’s face, looking at her eye to eye. Her hand then searched for the older girl’s hands and clasped it, shaking a bit as she showered kisses on her knuckles softly. Irene didn’t flinch because she needs to stay strong, and be firm, and be unforgiving, and not give in to her needs, on her heart desires, and on the damp feeling on her knuckles because of Lisa’s tears – she need to save herself.

 

 

“You… you deserve to be happy. And if it’s not me who can make you happy then I need to let you go.”

 

 

“B-but…I love you.”

 

 

“And I love you the most, Lisa.”

 

 

“No…”

 

 

“I told you, you need to stop worrying about me. Jennie’s the love of your life, would you really let her go just like that?”

 

 

“But how can you let me go that easily?”, Lisa meekly said which made Irene shot her gaze at the younger girl

 

 

“Because I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love me back. Wholeheartedly. 100%. Do you understand that?”

 

 

“But I do!”

 

 

“You don’t!”

 

 

“I do! Goddamnit, believe me once and for all!”

 

 

“I believe in you Lisa but it’s so hard… It’s so hard.”

 

 

They looked at each other, and lingered a little more longer than they should. To Lisa, Irene’s eyes mirrored the scariest thing she’s ever seen – finality. And she was suddenly filled with regret for coming tonight in the party and for wearing her heart on her sleeves. To Irene, Lisa’s pleading eyes pierced her heart, as if she was the meanest person for making the girl in front of her cry. But she can’t do anything right now but to cling onto Lisa’s hands on her face, leaned forward letting their foreheads pressed against each other.

 

 

“That’s why I’m letting you go. You need to be with her. Fight for her Lisa before it is too late.”

 

 

“But – “

 

 

“Enough, Lis. This is enough.”

 

 

Lisa took one last final glance to the older girl before she crashed her lips on hers. Irene was too stunned to react, but she remains still and closed her eyes as the younger girl put a little more pressure on the kiss. It was reckless, disordered and firm but Irene doesn’t mind. Lisa’s hurt and hell, she could do anything she wanted to do to her, and it would be totally fine so when she felt Lisa tug her lower lip, she angled her head and allowed the younger girl to pour her heart out with the kiss, sealed with both of their tears.

 

 

Lisa choked from her sobbing, which eventually made her pull away from Irene, but Irene cupped Lisa’s face, and left a soft lingering kiss on her forehead. Irene then slipped her arms around the young, wishing for things to change and not end up the that it did right now.

 

 

In another lifetime, maybe. She asks herself if she would do the same thing.

 

 

She wouldn’t.

 

 

Maybe, if she was just a little bit more selfish, and cruel, she wouldn’t have let Lisa go. She wouldn’t have to sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of their happiness.

 

 

“Let’s take you home now, okay?”

 

 

“…okay.”

 

 

 

--Summer--

 

Lisa decided tonight to walk around Itaewon and look for some ddeukboki because she just finished her shoot around the area, and she is too lazy to cook a decent dinner for herself. She’s tired, so tired but she won’t complain because it’s her choice and there’s no one to blame but herself.

 

 

Ever since Jennie left Seoul for Paris, Lisa started taking freelance shoots along with her dance lessons, nonstop. She also has midnight shifts at a cafeteria to earn extra bucks, and even had weekend duties on her cousin’s vet as a pet groomer, saying that she needs more money to save – which in reality is just an excuse because she’s the daughter of the best chef in town, not to mention, the best in the whole country.

 

 

Truth to be told, it’s just her way of punishing herself for being such a d*ck and a coward and for letting Jennie go just like that, without even telling her what she really feels for her. If Lisa wanted to be honest to herself, she would ditch everything and follow Jennie in Paris, once and for all. But she couldn’t and wouldn’t even dare risk it because there is so much to lose. Besides, she’s just a friend, nothing more, nothing less. It’s just that, there are times that she can’t help but think of the possibilities that may happen if she told Jennie that she loves her.

 

 

She ing regrets it because Jennie might be staying for good in Paris.

 

 

At the far end corner of the street, Lisa found a deukbokki stall and immediately walked towards it.

 

 

“Finally...”

 

 

It was a joy when Lisa sees those rice cakes submerged on that spicy sauce and she thinks she might faint by just the mere smell of it. The ahjumma hands her a paper cup and chopsticks so she grabs it and starts picking her portion. Lisa is about to take one last serving of ddeukboki when someone also pokes the same rice cake that she is about to get.

 

 

"What the f– “

 

 

Lisa stops midway her statement when she saw who it was.

 

 

“Lisa?”

 

 

“Ah, u-unnie? Damn I'm s-sorry you c-can have this.” Lisa hands over her cup to Irene, feeling stupid for cursing earlier.

 

 

“No, it’s okay Lisa. You don’t have to.” Irene looks at Lisa, slightly amused at the younger girl.

 

 

“I insist! I-I mean, I'm not shouting okay? I-I... I.. You can have this, it’s clean, I haven’t eaten it yet!”

 

 

Irene finds it cute to see a shy Lisa in front of her and she doesn’t want to prolong the younger girl’s agony so she takes the cup but picks up a ddeukboki and brings it toward Lisa’s mouth, acting like she’s feeding her.

 

 

“Okay then, let’s share instead. No more ‘buts’, okay?”

 

 

Lisa stood there, stunned. It doesn’t sit well on her the fact that her workmate/ high school crush/ Jennie’s childhood friend, Bae Joohyun, is in front of her and is ing F E E D I N G her a ing spicy rice cake.

 

 

Irene waits for the younger girl’s response, slowly feeling stupid for being too straightforward. The brunette wants to retreat or just sink from where she’s standing because she cannot stand the embarrassment she’s feeling right now but it all dissipated when Lisa opened and eats the ddeukboki from her chopsticks.

 

 

It is her turn to be shocked.

 

 

Lisa covers while munching and said “Wold yo loyk to harv a drinkg wiht me?”

 

 

Irene chuckles, “What?”

 

 

The blonde repeats what she said but remains incoherent for the older girl. And it became obvious to Lisa that Irene has been making fun of her, so she takes one last ddeukboki in and grabs her hand, taking it as if it’s hers.

 

 

Holding Irene’s hand feels foreign and surreal, but it is also ecstatic and blissful at the same time.

 

 

It makes her wanna hold it tighter, longer.

 

 

And all at once, she suddenly feels not so tired at all.

 

 

--Autumn--

 

It took several months for Jennie and Lisa to reconnect with each other due to each of their ‘busy’ schedule. Jennie became so occupied with coping up with the Parisian Life she’s dreamed of, while pursuing her post graduate studies offered by the Marie Claire UK who hired her as their feature editor. Lisa, on the other hand, remained on working for Elle Korea as their main photographer, together with Elle’s premiere model Irene (wherein the three of them used to work in the same fashion company).

 

Jennie munched her bagel while swirling her coffee as she stared to the screen, smile painted on her face, while listening to Lisa’s drabbles and stories. They have been talking for hours for what was planned as a quick chit chat. As busy as she is, she cannot deny the fact that she misses the younger girl so much, so much that she associates the girl in everything that she does in Paris. She misses Lisa while she was visiting the museums, thinking that the blonde must’ve liked art as much as she did; she misses Lisa whenever she passes by the Eiffel Tower, knowing that Lisa always talked about going to the highest level of the tower to take a selfie; she misses Lisa when she walks alone on the street, enjoying the view of the city, maybe walking hand in hand, because she knows Lisa is clingy and she likes to hold her hand whenever they walk side by side. She ing misses Lisa Manoban.

 

 

“Hey, are you listening?”

 

 

“Hmm…what?” Jennie pretended to look surprised. She wanted to tease the younger girl.

 

 

“Nahh, you weren’t listening! I told you a bunch of stuff and yet you weren’t even paying attention~!” Lisa was shooting tantrums at her but she didn’t mind, Lisa was hella cute.

 

 

“Err, what was that again?”

 

 

“You know what, I hate you.” Lisa answered back. She might not mean it the way it should be, but she partly does. She hates being so needy of Jennie’s attention because she thought it’s unhealthy and it’s overbearing, and she’s scared this might push Jennie away from her. But more than that, she hates it that she still yearns for her and yet she can’t do anything to stand upon her feelings because she’s a goddamn coward or rather not much of a risk taker.

 

 

“Do you, Lisa?”

 

 

They stared at each other for like an eternity, both afraid to step on each other’s unchartered territories. Lisa was the first one to break the eye contact, looked down for a bit and then gazed back at the brunette. The weight of her longing and regrets just sank into her right now. It took Lisa a lot of will and self-control to stop herself from confessing because it’s not right. She hates Jennie so much because she cannot not love Jennie, no matter what.

 

 

Jennie’s gaze softened when she realized that she was about to tear up. Jennie thought it was ridiculous because for one, she didn’t know the reason why seeing Lisa through the screen makes her sad and feel heavy. And it because she knows, she just didn’t want to admit it. She’s not sure about anything after all. If she’s just assuming things, then it’s not worth it if it will just ruin their friendship.

 

 

But a little honesty won’t hurt, Jennie thought.

 

 

“Jen…”

 

 

 

“I– “Jennie stops. She breathed in and out.

 

I miss you, Lisa, Jennie hesitated.

 

 

“Are you going to say something?”, Lisa asked.

 

 

Fck it! So be it!, Jennie mentally cursed herself.

 

 

“I mi–“ Jennie was cut off midway her statement when Irene suddenly came in beside Lisa. Lisa jerked at the contact, not really expecting an audience at this moment. She was not expecting to see Irene today. Maybe, they’d talk about that later.

 

 

“Oh! Jennie yah! Hello!”, Irene waved at the screen.

 

 

An ‘o’ formed in Jennie’s lips, and she answered “Hi Irene unnie…”

 

 

Jennie didn’t miss the way Irene slid her arms around Lisa’s waist, the way she leaned her head on Lisa’s shoulder; and the way she looked at the younger girl. It was full of adoration, amusement, and care. She’s never seen her childhood friend as happy as like that before.

 

 

Lisa sensed the tension that filled the air because after all, she knew Jennie too well to not know. So she yanked Irene’s arm a bit away from her waist, trying to tone down the skinship in front of Jennie. But Irene re-adjusted her position and hugged Lisa tighter than earlier. Lisa took this as a cue to end the call.

 

 

“I guess, this is goodbye, for now, okay?” Lisa carefully said, not wanting to show how uncomfortable she is right now.

 

 

“Oh, but I just came Lis. Can’t I talk to my friend, right Jennie?” Irene whined. It looks innocent but there is a tinge of bitterness on her tone that didn’t go unnoticed by Lisa.

 

 

Before Lisa could answer Irene, Jennie spoke and said “Actually, Lisa’s right, I really have to go but yeah, we can talk some other time. I’ll let you know.”

 

 

“Well, I won’t say I’m not disappointed but, I’ll let you pass this time, Kim.”, Irene replied.

 

 

Jennie tried so hard to shoot a smile in front of the couple, but it didn’t reach her eyes and Lisa gets it because she hasn’t told Jennie yet about her and Irene.

 

 

Okay, she was assuming things. How dare her to assume that Jennie would mind or even care about her relationship in the first place. It’s ridiculous because even if there’s this fine line between them about admitting or denying their feelings, it could never happen. Not in this lifetime, to say the least.

 

 

Once the call ended, Lisa stood up and was heading out to her room, leaving Irene on the couch. Irene was upset as to why the younger girl was acting this way, so she followed her and tried to stop her by reaching her hand. That made Lisa stop on her tracks.

 

 

“What was that?”

 

 

“What?” Lisa turned to face the older girl.

 

 

“Are you seriously gonna leave me just like that?”

 

 

“Just like what?”

 

 

“Did I ruin your precious time with Jennie that’s why you’re treating me like ?”

 

 

“Tsch. Seriously? Is this what it’s all about?”

 

 

Lisa shook her head, feeling helpless. Irene couldn’t take it anymore.

 

 

“You’re not answering my questions Lisa!”

 

 

“Because I don’t need to explain anything to you!”

 

 

Lisa raised her voice a little bit higher than she should because she felt cornered and she was upset that Irene was making her feel like she committed a sin, or a forbidden act. But it also dwindled down to the fact that she feels guilty for being upset on Irene. It worsened when she saw a frown mirrored over Irene’s face.

 

 

“Look, Joohyun ah, I’m… I didn’t mean it.”

 

 

“Yes, you’re right, you don’t have to explain anything. You just made it perfectly clear to me what your point was.” Irene said as she wiped a tear from her cheek. She was about to walk out when Lisa blocked her way and cupped her face. Lisa’s touch stings but Irene leaned in more, it hurts but she needs it so bad.

 

 

“I’m sorry, I…I was inconsiderate, I’m selfish and I’m a jerk but believe me, it’s not what you think.”

 

 

“From the very start, I know I don’t stand a chance against her, and that you’ll never love me back the way I expect you to. It’s perfectly fine for me, I mean, I totally understand you. But please, can you at least give me a chance? Give your heart a chance to open up. I’m here Lisa, let me in to this.” Irene sobbed as she let herself fall into Lisa’s chest and pointed on Lisa’s heart. Lisa hugged her tighter.

 

 

“I’m trying.”

 

“Then try harder, Lis.”

 

 

And at that moment, Lisa knew she ed up. Big time.

 

 

--Winter--

 

The smell of freshly baked choco chip cookies filled the air at Manoban’s residence where Lisa and her Dad are busy preparing their goodies for their gift-giving event for an orphanage in Busan. It’s a family tradition that they usually do every Christmas, and Lisa couldn’t be more grateful to participate in this event. Besides, she’s got nothing else to do when Irene decided to spend her Christmas with her family in Daegu (because she declined the older girl’s offer in the first place).

 

 

After neatly packing over a hundred packs of cookies, Lisa decided to take a break and went back to her room. She planned on having a nap when her and Jennie’s picture on her desk caught her attention. She went on her table and picked it up, and thoughts of wanting to talk to her suddenly rushed into her senses. It’s weird to be feeling sappy all of a sudden but she reasoned out to herself that it’s Christmas and it’s normal to miss a friend and there’s nothing wrong if she would try to contact Jennie after bailing out from their agreed facetime schedule from months ago.

 

 

So Lisa opened her Macbook to login but it’s dead so she looked for the charger on her drawer when she saw a black flash drive beside the charger. It was like having war flashbacks for Lisa because she suddenly remembered the pictures she once saw on Jennie’s pink drive. And until now, it was driving her crazy as to why Jennie would keep (or collect) her pictures on her drive. To her, it’s either Jennie’s a lowkey psycho stalker (Lisa was immediately cringe at that thought) or there’s a possibility, even for a tiny bit, that Jennie might have harbored feelings for her.

 

 

She was scanning random pictures from the drive, but she spent the longest time staring on her photos with Jennie when they were in Paris. Jennie must be having a blast there, spending her life as how she should, and somehow, she felt at ease to be one of those people who led Jennie into the life she’s having right now. Amidst that, Lisa wished that she could have been more honest with herself when she still had the chance. There is nothing worse in this world than reg because it will consume you for the rest of your life.

 

 

Suddenly, a notification popped up from her screen. It took her a while to process it so when she opened it, the message was already deleted.

 

 

Jennie must have changed her mind, she thought. Lisa couldn’t help but smile. Jennie didn’t change at all,

 

 

Then again, she saw 3 dots hovering on the chat box, indicating that the other person was typing something. But it took a minute, and another minute, and another one, but nothing came out anymore.

 

 

Lisa didn’t feel bad.

 

 

Because she knew that Jennie remembers her.

 

And for her, it was the best gift that she received this Christmas.

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

It was a long and silent ride from Jennie’s villa going back to Lisa’s apartment. None of them dared to speak, as Irene fixed her gaze on the road, while Lisa remained slumped on her seat with her head leaning on the window as she stares blankly to the outside. And she wonders, how much more would she be able to cry? It was tiring, and hurting, but crying makes her feel things and it brings her back to the reality that they have already broken up.

 

 

Lisa thinks she’s now alone; she deserves it anyway. It’s her punishment for being selfish and a jerk. She should have trashed her feelings from Jennie the moment she met Irene because the older girl might be right, she might not admit it to herself that she hasn’t fully moved on and if that’s the case then she deserves to be hated for using Irene as her rebound.

 

 

But she thinks deeper and it wasn’t really the case. She loves Irene, a legitimate kind of love – the kind of love that makes you happy and hurt at the same time. She even pictured out herself marrying the older girl someday, building a home with her, and eventually having kids with her. It was all perfectly laid out not until she acknowledged her feeling for Jennie tonight. And this makes her confused as well because if she really loves Irene genuinely, then why does admitting her feelings for Jennie felt good? Why does she feels upset for knowing that Jennie is going to get married tomorrow? And why does leaving Jennie a while ago crushed her?

 

 

Lisa wouldn’t want to know. She would shut it from her mind and forget about it. Irene loves her, so she should give back the love that Irene deserves.

 

 

“You’re overthinking.”

 

 

Irene suddenly spoke out and it made Lisa startled a bit because Irene’ right. She knows her very well.

 

 

“I’m… not…”

 

 

“We’re here.”

 

 

Lisa didn’t notice that they are now parked in front of (their) her apartment. She then grabbed the older girl into a hug, lingering just a little bit more, which Irene openly received. It breaks her as well but she must do this if she wanted to get on the right page. And if destiny permits that Lisa is truly her soulmate then she would still accept the younger girl with open arms. To her, it’s Lisa or no one.

 

 

After that hug, Lisa quickly went out of Irene’s car and walked towards her door without looking back. Irene took it as a cue to leave now she went ahead, wanting to get home quickly and pour her heart out on her pillow.

 

 

When Lisa heard the car’s engine getting silent, her knees suddenly became weak, so she clung on the door handle as she looks out for her keys. It just sunk into her that her and Irene had broken up the moment she’s not with her anymore.

 

 

Before she could even stand up, she heard a loud crashing sound blocks away her from her place and her heartbeat suddenly ramped up when the thought of Irene being involved in the crash came by.

 

 

She quickly got up, almost tripping in the process, and went to the road to check what happened only to see a wrecked red car in front of a truck.

 

 

Lisa felt her world shattering all at once when she saw the burning red car before she even made it on the scene.

 

 

“No....Joohyun ah... N-no...”

 

 

She refused to believe that it’s happening, or she wished she was just having a very very bad nightmare, but her chest hurts, her eyes burn, and her knees feels weak. She didn't know that she’d be losing everything before she knew what they are. It was supposed to be a simple night for her and Irene, they weren’t supposed to fight, they weren’t supposed to break up, Irene wasn’t supposed to...

 

 

Lisa suddenly felt nauseous, wanting to vomit, with her feet stuck on the ground while staring on the blazing fire right in front of her. It was disastrous, messy, and loud and it seems that she out – because she couldn’t hear the man shouting at him to go away because it might explode, or the screams of the civilians around her, or the voice that keeps on calling her name.

 

 

“Lisa!!!”

 

 

The blonde was taken aback when someone pulled her arm and made her turn around. Her eyes widened when she saw Irene looking worried at her. At that moment, it felt like she was struck by a lightning and all her emotions came rushing through, welling up her eyes with tears. Lisa wasted no time and hugged the Irene tightly as if her life depended on it.

 

 

“Oh my god, I thought I was going to lose you...” Lisa whispered as she nuzzled on Irene’s neck.

 

 

Irene pulled away only to have a clearer look of the younger girl. She wiped her tears and fixed her hair but worry and fear are still evident on Lisa’s face so she cupped her face and gave her a quick peck on the lips.

 

 

“Lisa, calm down. I’m safe, it’s not my car okay? Hon, I'm here.”

 

 

“I-I... I thought... It was red and I t-thought it was y– “

 

 

 

Lisa was still trembling from the shock so Irene pulled her away from the scene and went beside the curb.

 

 

 

“Ssshhh... Lisa, it’s not me. I made a U-turn before it happened because I wanted to take back what I've said and suddenly I just heard an explosion...I stopped and I s-saw you running. I was calling you but you didn’t hear me and here you are...I-I... I’m sorry...”

 

 

“What did you say?”

 

 

“H-huh? I said I was calling you and you di–“

 

 

“No, before that…”

 

 

“I… n-never mind…”, Irene turned away from Lisa’s gaze but Lisa stopped her and made her face her again.

 

 

“Hey, forget what I said. It’s noth–“

 

 

Lisa looked at Irene intently, caressed her cheeks, and planted a soft kiss on her forehead, stopping the older girl from her ramblings. Irene just leaned in to the kiss and hugged back the taller girl. Lisa felt her life crashing before her eyes a while ago and it made her realize that she couldn’t bear it if anything bad will happen to Irene.

 

 

“Don’t leave me, please?”, Lisa whispered, still hugging Irene tightly.

 

 

It took Irene 5-good-seconds to realize that Lisa was literally asking her to stay, and it’s a good thing, she should be happy. Did it mean that Lisa chose her? Does Lisa really love her? She badly wanted to know. And she would only know that if she would be willing to take the risk. Again.

 

 

Lisa kissed her before she could answer back, and it was the honk of the car from the road that made them stop and reminded them that they were still outside, and Irene’s car was still blocking the road. 

 

 

They continued to make out when they got inside the car, and it took all of Lisa’s remaining will to restrain so that they can go back to her apartment. Once the door was opened, Irene latched her hands on Lisa’s neck and kissed her deeply, while Lisa returned the favor, but adding a bit of force as she pushed Irene against the wall. Lisa pressed her body closer to Irene as she continued to kiss Irene on her jaw down to her neck, her thigh slipping in between Irene’s which made the older girl let out soft whimpers because of the contact.

 

 

“Hmmm..Lis…”

 

 

Irene knew her body needed more so she pushed Lisa a bit, pulled up her shirt, and ed her jeans. Lisa did the same thing by ping Irene’s dress using her other hand while the other one was guiding them upstairs to her room.

 

 

One thing led into another and they ended up pleasing each other’s need, and spooning, , on Lisa’s bed. Irene assumed that the blonde was already asleep since she can feel the steady breathing on her neck (Lisa being the big spoon between them). Damn, she wanted to sleep so bad as well because she was so tired from all of the things that have happened today, but she couldn’t because that nagging thought is still there.

 

 

She wanted to convince herself that everything is okay, but it’s not.

 

 

It’s 08:35 in the morning.

 

 

Lisa woke up.

 

 

Irene is gone.

 

 

Lisa stared at the ceiling for awhile and clutched the sheets on her chest. The bed feels empty now without Irene and it doesn’t feel good, not one bit. She was not sure if everything that has happened last night was true or was it just her imagination. But her legs feel cramped, and she felt a mark on her neck near her collar bone, and her sheets smell like Irene’s bvlgari perfume, and her heart damn hurts, so hell must be real, she thought.

 

 

She looked at her clock on her bedside table and saw a note beside it.

 

 

I’m sorry Lis.

 

 

09:00 am, the clock said.

 

 

Lisa crumpled the paper and got off her bed.

 

 

---

 

 

 

Jennie has been pacing back and forth for the past 30 minutes. It must be the wedding jitters, she thought. Cold feet? Eh, too late for that. But maybe not.

 

 

She’s so sure about it, yeah, no one can even change her mind. She’s marrying Kai and they gonna start their family. She’s gonna have kids, a home for them, a business where they could flourish – the life that she dreamt of having since she was a kid.

 

 

But why does she feel unsettled? More like confused, and dazed, and confused, and…confused. Too bad it isn’t the right time to be confused because in any minute, she would walk on that altar to meet the husband of her life.

 

 

“She’s coming, don’t you worry.”

 

 

“Huh? Who?”, Jennie replied, quite surprised on the girl who popped into her room.

 

 

“Has Lisa ever failed you?”, Jisoo asked, hands on her waist.

 

 

“I’m… I’m not waiting for her.”

 

 

“Really? Kai’s already out there but look at you, you’re still sulking, waiting for your girl.”, Jisoo teased.

 

 

“Shut up, Kim. I said I’m not waiting for her. And… even if she doesn’t come, I don’t care.”

 

 

Jennie might have bitten her tongue a little too hard because she can taste a metallic tinge in . She flinches a bit and continues to fidget on her veil.

 

 

“If you say so.”

 

 

“Hey, I’m telling the truth!”

 

 

“Owkaaay, huh. I’m just kidding you don’t have to be mad okay? Chill!”

 

 

“You’re speaking nonsense.”

 

 

Jennie turned her back on Jisoo, feeling a bit flushed suddenly. And she wonders if Jisoo is right.

 

 

She might be right.

 

 

All things may be damned because, yes, she’s been waiting for Lisa.