"I saw you
in my dreams again.
It felt so real."

/1/ Who are you
[ Y E R I N ]
April 2020

Six years.

I've been waiting in this same spot for six years.

I don't even know what's here, but it keeps showing up in my dreams. In this certain spot, every six in the evening, I always find myself with a girl I didn't know.  She's tall, she has long black hair and she always wears a smile. I wanted to talk to her, but every time I tried to, I always wake up with her last words ringing in my head.

"Wait for me..."

Unlike any of my dreams, this dream is so clear, so vivid, it keeps repeating and it never leaves my head. So I thought of going here every 6 pm every day,  thinking maybe... I will see that girl.

I want to know if we have a connection. I knew we had. Because if none, why do I always see her? Why does she keep telling me to wait for her? Why does my heart's filled with regret and sorrow every time I wake up even if I know my dream is not true?

I need answers.

"Yerin! C'mon, let's go home now!" My hands are on the table, daydreaming when I suddenly heard Hayoung. It is obvious on her face that she's happy and it seems to be automatic that I got infected by her smiles.

Hayoung is my best friend. We've been friends since high school, and even after we graduated, and have work, we still stick together. She's been my family for years, and because I did not experience having a sister, she's been the best sister I ever wished for. She acts like my mom sometimes, nagging me at times but always take care of me. But oh well, I did not meet my parents so I don't know if the comparison is too much. I'm in my auntie's care, Auntie Mary until I graduated high school. When I started college, I stayed in a dormitory with Hayoung. And now that we're both working on a publication company, we rented a small apartment.

"Hayoung! How was your meeting?" I greeted her with the brightest smile. I already knew something good happened. Her expressions never lie.

"My project proposal was accepted! " I can't help but feel proud so I run to hug her.

"Oh my god! Congrats!" She chuckled and hugged me back.

"But!" I looked at her, confused. She pouted her lips. I wanna pinch her cheeks, she's so adorable.

"What? They're asking you for something else, don't they?"

"I need to revise some parts. Can you help me?" She gave me her bag as she tied her hair into a messy bun. She always does that whenever she needs to focus. "I missed some data. I need to double-check the records and find some related literature."

"Of course! Anything for my best friend! I should check our old books. Maybe something could help us there." I straighten up and brushed the dust on my clothes. Hayoung lends her hand and we walk together. At that moment, I knew we need to work double-time and stay up all night to finish those revisions.

________

We came home to the apartment and searched for the old reading materials Hayoung needed for her proposal. I opened the dusty boxes and carefully put the books outside.

Tsk! The clouds of dust are annoying! It seems like they already live here, but I need to endure until I find what we need. Huff.

I look at all the books and magazines that are not even related to what I'm searching for. Perhaps there's a piece of misguided information that I can use.

In my search for the records, I found a weird-looking reading material.

"What's this?! Maybe it's one of Hayoung's project?" I tried to look at it closer. I checked the pages, it's not that thick. Maybe 10 pages? Right. 10 pages of weirdness. If you will look at the pages, it's like a comic strip. Minus the dialogues. There are characters and backgrounds but there are no words. I can often see kinds of stuff like this in newspapers. Hmm.

I flipped the whole thing on my hand. And as I turned the pages, my eyebrows started to raise, what the fudge is this?

"Eh? Why is it like this?" Even though I look at the drawings, I cannot understand a thing. There are monsters, a man, flashes of lightning, cute animals... Err what is this, pokemon?! Why is there no Pikachu?

I continue to look at it. My curiosity is killing me. What's this? Maybe I can find a word, a title, or a pen name.

"Yerin, I already saw one!" I dropped the comic strip to my surprise when I heard Hayoung's voice. It produced a loud thug when it landed on the floor.

I didn't even hear Hayoung when she entered the room. I was so immersed wondering what that thing is. Huff. I did not do anything wrong but why do I feel so surprised and guilty?

"Oh Hayoung, I'm still searching. It's so dusty here!" I said while still sitting in the room, surrounded by the piles of magazines and books.

She also sat down, "It's obvious that we don't read anymore. They're all randomly stacked here." Hayoung laughed.

Maybe we can still find something here so we continue digging out the pile of books. As I stack the other books on the side, I can't help but look at the comic strip. I can't just get rid of it in my mind. To whom is that? Who did it? And why is it here?

"Some of those were not been read yet. " I stacked some of the books that were not yet used before.

There are several good reading materials here. But it's troubling to throw or sell, especially when you're thinking if you still need those... just like today. Well, we will just think about how to organise all of these some other time. After all, we still need it.

"It's cool that we didn't decide to sell any of them. Hey, what's that?" She pointed at the comic strip I dropped a while ago.

I picked up the comic strip. So it's not Hayoung's?

"This? Isn't yours?" I handed her that weird whing.

I don't have an inclination on things like those so I'm certain it's not mine. It's likely Hayoung's old stuff that may be given by her fine arts girlfriend before or maybe she did that when she's bored.

"Lemme see." Hayoung flipped the pages. She also looked confused but she's laughing. Why? There's not even a story on those drawings.

"Hey, it's yours right?" I asked as she looks at the drawings while smiling. I knew it's hers.

"No. It's yours, Yerin." She closed the comic strip and waved it in front of my face. She's convinced that it is mine. She even laughed at me and here I am, lost on what she's saying.

How is that mine? I just saw that now.

"What? It's not. Really. I'm not even good at drawing." I'm not really organised at my belongings, but if it's mine, I should be familiar with it, right?

"It's yours. I'm not just sure who did the drawings." She said like she's really sure about what she's telling me. She put down the comic strip and continued searching for the right materials. I looked at the comic strip on the floor. Is that really mine? Maybe I picked it up somewhere else and put it on my bag unconsciously.

"Not every weird stuff is mine, Hayoung." I pouted. She even laughed while convincing me that it's mine. I picked up the comic strip and think deeply.

It's mine? But how can it be? I don't really remember that I do that? Wait, I don't have amnesia right? And hey, the drawings are nice!

"Yerin, it's really yours. Don't you remember when we're in high school? When you saw that book, you cried big time!"

Say what? Why would I cry for this thing? If it's my parent's face, maybe I would, but it's not! This is just a plain comic strip! It doesn't even have words or any notes to make you feel sad.

"I cried for this? Why?" I whispered to myself. I can't believe I cried on a few pieces of paper.

I open and flip the pages again. On the bottom part of the cover page, there are some words. Maybe the signature of the artist who made this. It seems familiar. I can't just remember where I saw it.

"I don't know. We're seniors in high school at that time." She shrugged her shoulders.

Ah! Something struck me. Yes, we're graduating at that time. I remembered now. They told me I was absent for 3 days, and when Hayoung found me, they also found this comic strip on my bag. I bawled my eyes out when I first saw this.

Why? I don't know.

"Yeah. I remember. But, to whom it really is?" I hold it tightly. The comic strip seems calling me, pulling me in, forcing me to hold this tight. It's pulling me in the events and memories I do not know or remember.

Where did it come from? And why is it here?

"I do not know. I just saw that in your bag." She shrugged. "Alright, I will buy our food tonight. Seems like we need to stay up all night to finish the revisions." Hayoung went out while I'm still sitting here, questioning myself.

"Ah!" I yelped to my surprise when a photo book falls from the shelf. I pick up the scattered photos. These were our highschool pictures. I smiled. There were photos of our graduation, stolen pictures of my classmates, and a blurred photo. I can't recognise who's on it because of the blurriness so I looked at it closely. Maybe it's a stolen shot of my crush back then. It seems like a girl.

As I looked at it longer, my heart skipped a beat. It cannot be. She looks like the girl that keeps appearing on my dreams.

What? It can not happen! Why can't I remember her?  Her face is so clear in my dreams. But I can't really remember her now. Why is she showing up on my dreams? I hold the photo on my hand and look at it closely. She seems distant.

Who are you?